Chapter Four

She didn't sleep well and was awake before dawn. Our sleep cycles were now in tune with one another. I slept when she slept and I awoke when she awoke. However, I was not as worried about this as she was. True, her thoughts about a Jedi performing their duty had been correct. I would do what I felt was right. My life meant very little when compared to hers. Compared to anyone's actually. From a very young age, my mind had been trained to put all others' needs before my own. How many times had I gone without drink or nourishment to provide for those in need? How many times had I risked my very life to save strangers on some remote planet?

This wasn't just my calling, it was all Jedi's. We were servants of the Republic – of all who resided within it. Now that my responsibilities were honed down to a single individual, only made me more aware of what she required. I was overly sensitive to any hint of ache, pain, worry, or possibility of danger.

This was my life and I was dedicated to fulfilling its new calling. If only she would accept it. Her mind was torn between curiosity and comfort. She was young, but she was also wise. I would allow her to make the best decision based on her beliefs and desires.

I only wish I could tell her more about it. Perhaps then, I could convince her to let me stay. And yet, there was the very reason my silence was required. I was not allowed to influence her opinion in this matter. Her acceptance or denial of this gift from the Force was entirely up to her. My wants and wishes were of no consequence.

Perhaps one day it would be different between us. One day she may trust me. She may look at me as more than just a stranger – an intruder determined to disrupt her life. I could see us as trusted companions – someone I could talk to, share stories and dreams with. Who knows – she might even believe I could be an important part of her security team. She may ask my advice on vital matters and I would guide her as the Force guided me.

Before all of that, she had an important decision to make. Would she accept becoming my sobatí or cast me out?

I'd never even considered the latter. If she did deny my presence, what would become of me? I was nearing the end of my apprenticeship. Surely, there was nothing more my Master could teach me. Would the Council consider this in their decision of allowing me to become a Jedi? Or would they judge me harshly as my Master was doing?

I could tell Qui-Gon was most displeased with my actions. He was not a traditionalist and did not believe in the old ways. His mantra was to live in the moment and to let go of the past. I, on the other hand, was a student of the past. I was very interested in the history of the Jedi and its traditions. If we didn't have them, where would we be today? The old order of the Jedi fought to protect these ancient beliefs and systems, and I would continue to fight to be a part of them.

I wasn't making this up. I didn't go looking for it. I hadn't meditated it into existence. This young woman had been a part of my life since my tenth naming day. Listening to her thoughts and experiencing her emotions were as natural to me as breathing.

If she cast me aside, would that change? Would it simply just go away? How could I cope with something so abruptly removed from my life?

I took a deep breath to center myself. Qui-Gon most likely felt the exact same way. We had been a part of one another's lives for the past fifteen years and suddenly during one fateful mission, I abruptly stepped aside. I wish I could explain more to him, but I could tell by his words and his expression that he doubted the existence of this bond. Once the Council had accepted it, he will have to as well, but deep inside, I realized how much he detested the idea that I would throw everything aside for this one, young girl.

How could I tell him that this cause was so much greater than anything I had fought for before? The details were still unidentified, but I would trust the Force was not leading me astray. This was my destiny. And he had been responsible for delivering me to it. I only wished he would look at it that way. The man was stubborn and would no doubt return to the Temple and spout how I had abandoned him when that wasn't the truth. Not at all.

He had prepared me, led me down a path to true enlightenment. There is no greater pleasure for a Jedi than discovering what their purpose is, who they're meant to be. Isn't that what we all want to find out?

Indeed, my destiny was lying ready before me, waiting for me to grab onto it with both hands, and yet here I was, meditating on a cold, marble floor, waiting for a fourteen-year-old girl to make up her mind. Should she? Or shouldn't she?

Force, guide me. Give me strength and understanding when there is very little to be had. My future is entirely in her hands.