Day 7

The next day at practice, Atsumu was distracted. He was watching Sakusa closely. He didn't exactly mean to do it, it's just that his eyes were drawn in the spiker's direction at every available opportunity. It was like being sucked into a vortex - the more he did it, the deeper he got.

First it was just a passing thing, noticing where Kiyoomi was standing. Then he was watching when the spiker was serving, because he was examining his form. (Yeah, right) Then he found himself searching for that dark hair whenever he had a break, just to make sure he knew where he was and what he was doing. Okay, that was sort of creepy, stalky, but Atsumu did it anyway because it was like he had to know where his 'friend' was or else he felt somehow unsettled.

By the end of practice, he had moved from just observing where Omi-kun was standing to observing everything about him. How he moved, his facial expressions, his athletic skill, the bunching of his muscles on his legs when he jumped, the power that he hit spikes with, the way sweat trickled down the side of his face, how sexy he looked when he drank from his water bottle, how damn good his biceps looked in that shirt, how amazing it was that his wrist was so flexible, how his ass looked when he bent over to tie his shoe. And on and on. Oh wow. This is bad, thought Atsumu. I have to stop thinkin' about him that way. He likes someone else and I'm just his friend doin' him a favor. To help him date someone else. And why does that bother me so much?

When practice was over and they were both showered and changed, they walked back to Sakusa's dorm room together. They were both lost in their own thoughts. Kiyoomi was thinking about confessing and Atsumu was thinking about Omi-kun with another guy and feeling … something. Was it jealous? Hurt? Annoyance? He couldn't quite tell.

They reached the room, entered and left their shoes and bags by the door, as usual. Sakusa turned to look at his friend. "I … um… what do you want to do today?" Shit, that came out wrong again. Did he notice that my mind went somewhere unholy?

Atsumu stepped further into the room and answered, "Well, I was thinkin' that you should practice someone touchin' yer neck and hair maybe. Like yer date might want to run his fingers through yer hair and that sort of thing."

"Okay, then. Let's do that," Kiyoomi agreed.

"Do you want to sit or stand?" Atsumu asked.

Sakusa glanced at the bed and it made him nervous to think about what he wanted to do in that bed with Atsumu. So he pulled his gaze away and said "Standing is fine."

Atsumu came closer. Again they were toe to toe and Atsumu reached up his right hand and gently trailed his fingers along the side of Kiyoomi's neck and then up further to run his hand through that curly black hair. It's softer than I thought it would be. It felt nice. They were so close they could hear each other breathing and Atsumu was suddenly aware of a desire to be even closer. All he had to do to kiss him was to lean just a little. It would be so easy right now, and he wanted to so bad. But his friend liked someone else and he couldn't.

While these thoughts were running through his head, he was purposefully not looking into Omi-kun's eyes for fear of what his own would reveal. He was looking a bit to the side, sort of by Sakusa's ear, so he didn't notice when Kiyoomi's eyes started to flutter shut as he enjoyed the caress.

Kiyoomi was having trouble breathing. He was just touching my hair. I'm an idiot for thinking it felt so good. As these thoughts were racing through his mind, Atsumu brought his other hand to Sakusa's neck and repeated the movements up his neck and into his hair. Sakusa was trying like crazy to get his reactions under control but he wasn't doing too well. His heart was thudding in his chest and all he wanted to do was to lean over and kiss him. Yes, that was what he wanted. The realization sort of surprised him, given that he was especially creeped out by all the germs that live in people's mouths. But yes, he admitted fully now, he wanted to kiss Atsumu. I need to confess. Now.

Sakusa looked to Atsumu's eyes but noticed they were not looking right at him. He cleared his throat, "Miya-san…"

"Do you want to try it now?" Atsumu asked. Okay, change of topic. Go with it I guess?

"Uh, sure." Atsumu lowered his hand from Kiyoomi's hair and stood waiting for his friend to return the caress. Sakusa's breathing sped up as he contemplated what he really wanted to do. He reached with his right hand and used his fingers to slowly caress up the back of Atsumu's neck into his hair. It was soft and he enjoyed the sensation of his fingers running through it. Oh, God, he wanted to kiss him so badly right now. It would be easy to do, but he couldn't. He needed to tell him first.

He noticed Atsumu seemed to be tense and he briefly thought maybe he didn't like what he was doing. "Is this okay?" Sakusa asked quietly?

Atsumu's eyes snapped to his. He opened his mouth but no words came at first. He closed it, then opened it again.

"I should be going now," he said, making Sakusa flinch a bit. Did Miya think it was that bad to be so close to him? Did that mean Miya was disgusted by him? The courage he had mustered to finally say how he felt seemed to dissipate. He lowered his hand and suddenly felt like vomiting. What was I thinking? Why did I think he would ever in a million years like me back?

"Oh, okay," Sakusa replied. He wasn't sure how but he managed to keep his voice steady. Atsumu was walking toward his stuff near the door and was talking without looking at him, making Sakusa even more convinced that his crush was revolted. He wanted to cry.

"See ya tomorrow at practice," Atsumu said offhandedly. Then he waved his hand to say goodbye and he was gone. Kiyoomi just stood there for several minutes, glued to the spot, trying to wrap his brain around what just happened.

He couldn't think of any other reasonable explanation except that Miya was uncomfortable being so close to him. When that truly sunk in, he lowered his head and took a deep breath. How could he confess now? He was sure what Atsumu's reaction would be and it would be rejection, maybe even ridicule. His chest felt like someone was pressing on it and it felt hard to breathe. The only words running through his mind now were, I'm a freak and I'm going to be alone forever.