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EPOV
God, I don't want to leave.
I don't want to let her go.
Her fingers running through my hair aren't making this any easier for me.
We're still in my car parked on her street, a few feet from her driveway and away from any prying eyes. Taking my mom up on her offer to drive Bella home from the diner tonight turns out to be the best idea she's ever had.
Because right now, the feelings surging through my body are overwhelmingly good. So good.
How often can I say I feel that and actually believe it to be true? There's always something on my mind, whether for school or basketball or something to do with my friends.
But not right now.
She's feeling so fucking good in my arms, and I want to stay here for the rest of the night, forgetting about my mom needing a ride and the fact that Bella has to go home at some point, as well.
Because, if it were up to me, I'd stay right here, with her fingers pulling at my hair while my lips slide down her neck until I'm pried away from her against my will.
This is a scenario that is familiar to me. This isn't the first time I've made out with a girl in my car before.
But this right here is new. The heat that courses between us, the way my hands and my lips can't take enough of her to satisfy the growing need I feel burning beneath my skin.
And it's definitely growing. Painfully so beneath the sweats I carelessly threw on before leaving my house. I wasn't planning on seeing Bella tonight— I thought I was going to the diner to pick up my mom.
But fuck, she's intoxicating. She's everything I've been unconsciously missing.
She's going to destroy me.
And I'm not opposed to letting it happen as long as it means I can burn with her now.
A loud buzz in my pocket not only makes me jump but also pulls her lips off mine as my mom sends me a text asking if I forgot about her.
"Fuck," I say, panting as I put my phone away again. "I'm sorry."
"Go," Bella laughs, grabbing her bag and putting her hand on the door. "Boys and Girls Club tomorrow?"
I lean my head against the headrest, trying to settle my breathing, so Mom doesn't get in the car and catch me in the act. Nodding, I reach over and pull her to me one last time.
"Yeah," I whisper, pulling her face down to me. "No basketball."
She pulls away from me a minute later, her lips swollen. Good."
She leaves then, the car door slamming loudly in the night and hitting me like a stream of cold water. I watch until I can't see her anymore as she disappears up her driveway, and when I think I've pulled myself together, I head back to the diner.
I let my mom know I made it back, and she met me outside a few minutes later. The ride home is light, even though she asks me about how I'm doing on my college applications. I tell her I'm just putting it off because I haven't had the time to focus on them, even though there's a gnawing feeling forming in my gut that tells me otherwise.
I table it for now, making my way down the hall towards my room. Ignoring the late hour, I grab my journal and settle into my bed, letting my thoughts fly onto the paper as quickly as I can write them down. As always, they're jumbled and disconnected.
Mom has always wanted me to be a doctor, like Grandpa. She used to take me to some of the colleges on the west coast when I was little, hoping to fill me with the same inspiration that had filled her dad when he was my age and beyond. I had seen how happy she was on those college trips, listened to the way she and Grandpa would talk about how naturally smart I was. I had seen the proud look on my face, and I think I unconsciously chose to follow in his footsteps because of that look and how happy it made my mom. She never forced it on me, and when I had announced my plans for college, she didn't push it then, either. She just pushed me to make a choice for myself since I would be the one who would ultimately have to live with that decision.
I wonder if I'm putting off my applications because of my busy schedule or because of how undecided I still feel about it all.
The only person who would understand what I'm feeling would be Bella. She would know what decision I should make. She would be able to look at the situation in the matter-of-fact way she does and guide me to my answer.
I like that she's the first one I would go to for guidance.
For more than just school shit, even though Bella and school make me nervous when I think about them together. I shouldn't let what they think of her or me bother me. But it does, and I'm not sure what that says about the kind of person I am, but it's definitely not something I want to focus on right now.
But their involvement would only make things extremely difficult. It may even make Bella run in the opposite direction.
And right now, that's the last thing I want. In fact, the thought of Bella getting closer to me is more fitting for my train of thought tonight.
I sit here, holding my pen in my hand, but I close my eyes and feel her hair ghosting against my fingertips instead. Her lips linger against mine, and it makes me think of when I'll be able to do it next. I can feel the little breaths she leaves against my skin, and I wonder if I'm the first one to make her do that. She's told me she's never been kissed before, but when it comes to Bella Swan, that doesn't necessarily mean she hasn't tried anything else. Maybe, to her, a kiss is more intimate than other things. Now that I've shared that with her more than once, I've started to reevaluate all the kisses I've shared in my lifetime. Somehow they pale in comparison. Maybe it's because I know there is a lot more thought behind it this time, I'm not sure. Bella doesn't kiss just anyone.
That has to mean something. The truth is, I don't know if I can wait until our shift is over tomorrow to kiss her again.
—-u—-
School has suddenly become exciting again. Something to look forward to.
Never thought I'd say that while talking about Forks' High School.
I can barely remember a time when I felt something other than boredom within these walls, and I inhale deeply as if breathing fresh air for the first time in weeks. I had grown tired of the same monotonous routine day in and day out. Besides basketball, everything else in my life was just random and isolated events that were supposed to make me feel a part of something; fill me with all the milestones that come with being a teenager. But they never did. I enjoyed my life, but I realize now I had simply been coasting along, pretending to get a thrill out of the same things my friends did, but on the inside, I was always searching for something that filled me with genuine interest.
I realize now, as I'm sitting in Banner's class, trying to focus while he speaks, that I think I've finally found what I've been looking for. The last two weeks have been nothing short of amazing, as Bella and I have gotten to know each other better. The beginning of December has officially arrived, and if I was looking for an excuse to feel like a stereotypical teenage boy, well, here it is.
Or rather, there she is.
When Banner turns his back to us, I take my phone out of my pocket and discreetly send Bella a quick message. No one is paying attention to me as I quickly type on my screen. I don't know if she even has her phone on her, as I've never texted her in school before, but I want to find out.
Come to the game today.
I find out a moment later when I see her reach for her bag. With an even face, she glances over towards the front of the room to make sure she won't be seen as she presumably sends me a message back.
Is it a home game?
Banner turns around now, so I only have time to type a quick yes to her in response. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket with her answer, and though it's killing me not to be able to read what she said, I pick up my pencil and follow along with whatever it is Banner has asked us to do. I go through and answer the questions with ease, though my mind is everywhere but on what it's supposed to be. I keep picturing Bella at the game, in the stands. I remember how it made me feel when she was there last time; how the crowd had dimmed to nothing other than background noise when I found her. It was as if a spotlight was shining only on her for a reason. I have the whole cheerleading squad chanting my name each game, but there's only one person whose voice matters to me. But that was before we were what we are now. I can only imagine how it will feel today.
She answers me back with a single word, but it has me smiling like an idiot behind my hand as I slip my phone back into my pocket.
Okay.
—-u—-
"What's happening after the game?" Tyler asks in the locker room before the game starts. The bleachers are just starting to fill, and we have a few minutes before we're introduced for warm-ups before the whistle blows. I make sure my bag is basically packed for when the game is over; a quick shower is all that stands between me and freedom, and I want to get the fuck out of here as soon as I can.
"Eric's?" Mike confirms with a look towards the man in question.
"Yeah, man. It's a Friday night, and we don't have practice tomorrow morning." Eric agrees, sitting on one of the benches in the locker room, our last chance to relax our nerves before it's go time. "Time to get fucked up!"
"You comin', Cullen? You've been ditching lately," Mike says to me over his shoulder.
I shake my head and scoff in his general direction. "I haven't been ditching. I've been busy; there's a difference." I correct him but stop myself from explaining any further. These guys won't care enough to know the difference, anyway. "But yeah, I'll be there."
It has been a while since I hung out with the guys, and since we have a rare Saturday without a morning practice, I'm actually looking forward to it more than I have in the past. Playing some cards and video games without anything pressing the following day has given a lightness to the air tonight. We're playing a team that is easily beatable, so none of us are plagued with pre-game jitters.
We're just ready to have some fun.
And for the first time in four years, my girl is here to watch me play.
Is she my girl?
The way she has a slight smile on her face, hidden so no one can see, makes me think so. The fact that she's even here at all makes me think so, too. The way she's talking to Angela, pointing to the court and the scoreboard to gain a better understanding of the game, tells me she wouldn't bother to find out about my favorite sport if she wasn't.
It fuels me with a fire so hot I end up playing my best game yet.
"That was almost too easy," Ben says as we enter the locker room.
"Who the fuck cares," Mike laughs. "Party time!"
After a quick shower, I grab my things, and we all head out of the locker room together, laughing and joking around like old times. The win has put us all in a great mood, and it reminds me how nice it is to just…be, sometimes. No worry about stupid shit for once.
I can't remember a time when I haven't had something, either for school or basketball, on my mind.
I think I've needed a distraction from, well, life.
And I catch a glimpse of her slipping down the hallway alone, away from the throng of people headed for the exit.
"I forgot something in my locker," I call out before waving them off. "I'll catch you at Eric's."
They all groan but expect nothing different. Leave it to me to be thinking about homework at a time like this, right?
They're wrong, though. I'm not thinking about anything remotely related to school.
I'm thinking of soft lips and creamy skin. I'm thinking of shallow breaths in my ear and fingers tugging at my hair. I'm thinking of an empty hallway with no lights except for the moonlight creeping through the windows.
I'm thinking of my girl.
Fuck everyone else.
Maybe it's the high off the win and the free Saturday, or maybe it was her presence in the crowd, but I'm not letting anything keep me away from her right now.
"You came," I say in a low voice just as she's shutting her locker door. She jumps a little at the sound of my voice but then relaxes and leans against her closed locker in the moonlight.
"You asked me to, didn't you?"
"Yeah, but that didn't mean you'd show up." I walk until I'm standing in front of her. "Thanks."
"You looked great out there," Bella says. "You make it look so easy."
I shrug, my hands in my pockets. "It is, mostly. When my head is in the game."
"Well, then your head was definitely in the right place tonight."
"Not all of the time," I smile, stepping a little closer. "I was a little distracted when I saw you there in the stands."
"You didn't show it," she replies.
"I couldn't then," I answer, sliding my arm around her waist to pull her to me, "but I can now."
She doesn't stop me when my lips land on hers, my arms pulling her closer against my body, so there is almost no space between us. She molds herself completely against my chest, her tiny frame fitting against mine like she was made for me.
Maybe she is.
"Edward, what if —"
"They won't." I pull away just enough for me to see the worry, mixed with a need I understand, pool in her eyes. I smile at her reassuringly. "Come here."
And she does.
—-u—-
Though we've gotten good at goodbyes, it doesn't make it any easier to let her go. Bella, pressed against her locker in the shadows, unknowingly almost makes me bail on my plans with the guys.
But it was her who reminded me we needed to stop. And though I reluctantly let go, she was right. With one last kiss, she had sent me on my way and promised to head out of the building a few minutes later.
I didn't like the thought of her walking home in the dark, but she had dismissed me like she always does. I ended up settling in my car, pretending to fidget with the radio while I waited for her to come out of the building. Sure enough, Bella emerged a few minutes later. She walked to the end of the block, and after I had made sure no one was around to spot us, I pulled to a stop next to her on the curb and didn't let her make any excuses. Everyone had already vanished by that point, and we were a block away from school. She did put her foot down when we were on her street, reminding me of her brother and how he was the last person she wanted to get into her business. It reminded me to ask her about him sometime soon, but the smile on her face when I had kissed her goodbye made me put it out of my head for now and focus on her.
Even now, hours later, as I'm in a video game battle with Eric at his house, she's still the main thing on my mind. Drinks go down easily tonight, almost like water, and though I've had just as much to drink tonight as the rest of them, I still prefer to keep my thoughts to myself.
Eric and I have spent the last hour going round for round on his PS5, laughing and joking like old times while the rest of the people in the basement are loud and boisterous, dancing to loud music and playing one drinking game after another. Eric's mom is a nurse at the hospital and works overnights, so most of us try to take advantage of it on the weekends whenever we can. It's very rare when these nights line up before Saturday mornings without basketball practice, and the energy in the room tonight is palpable. For the first time in a long while, we're all acting like we're freshmen again – no real cares or commitments other than getting fucked up week after week.
"I'm so fucking wrecked, man." Eric groans next to me, sliding down in one of the gaming chairs that sit on the floor. He grips the controller loosely in his hands, his head lolling back against the seat. I laugh at his candidness, mostly because I recognize it flowing through my blood as well. Loose and completely relaxed, I close my eyes and let myself feel it all.
"Feels good," I admit, reaching for my own bottle of beer and tipping back another sip. "It's been a while."
Eric nods. "For you, yeah. Everything okay?"
It has been a while for me, and I'm reminded of how easy it is for me to sometimes get lost in my own head. It's become harder and harder for me to fully relax as I've taken on a more demanding workload.
Not tonight, though. Tonight, I'm feeling better than I have in fucking forever.
It's easy for me to pinpoint what has brought on this sudden change.
"Fucking great, bro." I close my eyes and think of Bella. Buried deep beneath the complications of high school relationships, it's just so simple between us.
No games.
"I think your night is about to get even better," Eric whispers before letting out a belch.
"Hmm?" I ask with my eyes closed again.
"Incoming," he nudges me, and I open my eyes just in time to see Rosalie Hale make her way over to our corner of the basement.
"Edward!" Rosalie calls out, even though we're well within hearing distance. "I need a partner!"
"Oof, better take her up on that offer," Eric interjects. "You're looking good tonight, Rose."
You would have to be blind to not notice her. Rosalie is tall and blonde with big tits. Her hair is thick and long, and I know from experience what it feels like when she drapes it across your bare thighs. She's a dream for every guy in high school; one would be a fool to turn down an opportunity to be Rose's partner, at some beer game, or any other proposition that comes from her mouth.
I guess I'm a fool.
"I can barely stand," I laugh and hope she picks up on the fact that I've turned her down. "Eric will play."
"I don't want Eric," she pouts, sitting between us and curling herself into my side. She takes my chin in her hand, and my drooping eyes meet hers. "I want you."
Two months ago, I probably would have said yes. It would have been out of boredom, but I wouldn't have turned her down like I am now.
I want someone else entirely, and once I pry Rosalie off my lap, I stumble my way to a spare bedroom to tell her.
I can barely keep my eyes open as I send a text to Bella.
I want you.
Her response is the last thing I see, the last thing I need, before falling asleep.
I'm yours.
These silly kids, man. I hope you're all still enjoying the fluff because we all know it can't last forever. Those still traumatized by the show know what I'm talking about. They about broke my heart!
Also, as a thank you for all your support for my other story, The Muse in the Shadows, I posted a Thanksgiving outtake as a thank you for those who purchased the published copy of it. Those characters will always have a special place in my heart.
See you next week! Make sure you're following me on my collab account with Ariel and Dani. Our Christmas drabble, The House on Sycamore Lane, launches on December 1st! Join our group on facebook, NerdyLilDarlins, and also follow us on our collab account!