Thanks to Fran, Gemma, Pamela, and Ariel for all their help with these two kids. And you for cheering them on - even when we know their little bubble can't last forever.
The name of the book/television show this is adapted from is called Normal People. I binged it in one day on Hulu (ZERO REGRETS) and still enjoy discussing the story to this day. I find there to be a difference between the book and the series, especially for the male character. Join my group, Lily Jill Fics, if you're up for a discussion!
Bella
Everyone knows about First Beach.
Starting in elementary school, classes hop on the bus and head there for field trips, spending the day exploring the water, landscape, and the sediments left behind in the clay-like sand. Every class goes there every year. Teachers somehow connect First Beach with some type of learning standard for each grade, so I'm surprised to discover a small portion of the beach has remained undetected from everyone after all these years.
Well, from almost everyone.
One day in early December, on a day where Edward has a break from both basketball and the after-school program, he picks me up as I'm walking home from school and takes me to First Beach, to this place only he knows about.
He told me he has been coming here for years and has never been followed or discovered. It's not far from where most of the people flock to when visiting here, yet it's just enough off the beaten path to remain hidden and unbothered. Swooping trees and heavy branches block the views from the outside, a small body of water made from the excess water off the beach puddles up to our ankles.
"You've never brought anyone here?" I remember asking him that day as we walked along the water's edge. I wasn't asking to try to snoop or because I was jealous; I liked hearing little stories about himself. I liked listening to him speak and share with me parts of himself he's never told anyone else before.
"Nope," he had answered. "Just you."
"I'm honored," I had laughed until he reached for my hand and pulled me against his chest, our feet splashing in the cold water as we lost our balance.
"I trust you," Edward answered me once we had regained our footing, with a simple shrug of his shoulders.
And I understood him completely.
Besides us, not many kids in this town would appreciate how being outside in nature but also remaining incredibly private at the same time could be so peaceful.
But Edward and I do.
So much so that we try to come here as often as we can, even though our time in our spot at First Beach is never as long as we'd like it to be. Daylight is usually gone by the time we get here, which helps to protect our secret but also limits the breathtaking views surrounding us.
Not that we're here to sightsee, anyway.
I'm always cold when we get here, freezing, but Edward never wastes any time finding ways to warm me up in his back seat. Over the last few weeks, we've discovered that without anyone breathing down our necks about us or our relationship or any other gossip, we've let all assumptions or pressures fall away.
It's just the two of us out here.
No voices in our heads telling us to slow down or move faster. No one questioning why this happened or why it continues to happen.
And I lose myself in these trees and on this beach every time we come here.
"Is this okay?" Edward breathes into my neck as his fingers dip below the waistline of my jeans. If it were up to me, his fingers would have been here long ago, but he had shaken his head vehemently at my suggestion. He never told me why, but I gather it's because he knows he's far more experienced at this kind of stuff than I am. Maybe he wants me to know he doesn't want me to think he's taking advantage of me—that I want to sleep with him because maybe that's what I've heard is supposed to happen when a girl starts hooking up with Edward Cullen.
So it's absolutely more than okay when his fingers fumble with the button of my jeans.
"Yes," I manage to say, my eyes fluttering open to watch his hand disappear beneath my pants. It's the first time his hand has gone anywhere under my clothes, a fact that both impressed me and tortured me all at once. He's been nothing but respectable over these last few weeks, beyond patient as I grew more comfortable with myself and with him as well, but his approach has only ignited a fire within me that only he could quell.
And I think his fingers know how to set that fire free and put out the flames once he's finished with me.
I gasp out loud at the first touch of his fingers pressed against me over my underwear. His gentle, circular movements with just enough pressure have me clenching my legs around his hand, my head thrown back against the seat behind me.
He doesn't stop.
If anything, my reaction spurs him on, and his lips land beneath my ear in the place he knows I love. The combination of it all, his lips and tongue trailing across my skin, his fingers rubbing slow figure eights against soft cotton beneath my jeans, makes me hold onto his shoulders for support.
I will my eyes open, wanting to put images to the feelings pulsing through me, and one look at Edward almost sends me over the edge he's quickly leading me to. His hair tousled from my own fingers tugging at the ends. His mouth slightly open as his chest quickly rises and falls as his eyes, a darker green than I've ever seen before, watch the way his fingers dip out of sight under my jeans.
I whimper at the sight of him, and the sound must rouse him from wherever it is his mind has taken him to, because soon his lips crash onto mine without warning.
And his fingers still never stop.
Our lips are frenzied against one another, swollen as our tongues meet and circle, my fingers finding their place in his bronze mess of hair. My legs feel weak, and I feel the rest of my body begin to shake from his touch.
"Please," I pant against his lips, my body writhing against his hand. I know I'm begging, but I don't care since it ends up working. He trails his tongue down my collarbone at the same time I feel him move my underwear to the side. Though I can feel how much he's into this right now against the outside of my thigh, the polite side of him shines through even now, as he slides first one and then two fingers inside me with a sense of delicacy he thinks I need to remain comfortable.
He's unprepared to feel just how much I want him right now.
"Fuck, Bella." He groans into my neck, his fingers slick with the delicious torture he has put me through. My moans fill the car again, a warm feeling circling in the lower pits of my stomach, pulled into a tight coil ready to spring into a thousand pieces. He feels it against his fingers, feels me start to clench around him involuntarily. He lets out a groan of his own, sending me careening towards a release I never knew existed.
He keeps working his fingers in tandem to the pulses of my body. "Just let it happen."
As if I have any control over it at this point, I listen to his words and let myself go.
For the first time in my life, I don't worry about a single thing. I can't. I feel separate from myself, from everything, as I fly and explode in what feels like every direction.
I have no idea how long it takes for me to pull myself together. Time means nothing as my legs become heavy as lead and as light as Jello.
The only thing that matters is the shy and also smug smile on Edward's face as he admires his handy work. He's turned me into a pile of nothing, and I can't wait for the day when he lets me return the favor.
"I'm not going to be able to walk into my house," I laugh, feeling high and incredibly sleepy as I slowly remember how to human again.
I wish he could walk me inside. I wish he would stay. There's no doubt I would let him.
Until then, our secrets remain hidden in our corner of First Beach.
For now.
—-u—-
For everyone but me, Christmas takes everyone by surprise and sneaks upon them all.
Christmas music blares from every public speaker, jingle bells bounce merrily from somewhere in the distance, and a soft snow from yesterday's light dusting coats the grass in a soft white, a drastic difference from the snow turned gray and black from the tires on the pavement. Stores are crowded, restaurants are filled to the brim with holiday shoppers seeking refuge from the insanity of the season, and here I am, walking along the inside of the mall, wishing I was anywhere but here.
I have no choice, actually, as we're having our holiday party at the end of the week at the Boys and Girls' Club. It will be held the last day before Winter Break officially begins, and we've been collecting little gifts here and there for the kids. At my shift yesterday, Edward and I were in the office taking stock of the gifts, and I wanted to do one last shop for last-minute ideas before the party. I decided to take the bus to the mall the next day, braving the crowds one final time.
Everyone around me hustles to the beat of their own schedules, grumpily passing one another amidst the season that is supposed to be for giving and for kindness. I take my time as I walk, passing each store with disinterest plastered all over my face. The holidays have never been a priority in my house, so the two gifts I bought for Mom and Liam have been purchased and wrapped for months, sitting beneath a tree I put together and decorated myself.
Other than a sigh at the sight of it standing in our living room, Mom hadn't acknowledged it, though I had caught her on occasion sitting in the chair next to it when she allowed herself a free minute. I caught that look on her face then, still just as fleeting as always, that makes me think there is something warm beneath the cold exterior she puts out to the world.
Maybe I'm more like her than I thought.
It's a thought I keep going back to as I throw small odds and ends into my basket at the toy store at the mall. I've always felt different from others around me, my peers for sure, but especially different from my mother. Her ability to disconnect from the world, from her relationships with her own children, always stood out to me from a young age after my dad died.
I wonder if I'm analyzing and comparing this now because I've started to feel other things these last few weeks. Maybe, like those small glimpses I've seen in my mother every now and then, are evident in me, as well.
Maybe I'm thawing my own icy exterior, too.
I can only think of one reason why that could happen.
"Is this the last one?!" A voice interrupts my train of thought before I jump down the Edward rabbit hole again. Unprepared and startled from the close proximity of the voice, I come to a stop, and my eyes involuntarily follow the commotion.
I watch as the owner of the voice, a girl my age, rushes over to the shelves to grab what is apparently the last of some hot-ticket item of the season. That's when I recognized her and realized she was most likely talking to me.
Angela Weber looks at me over her shoulder excitedly as she clutches the item. I must be still somewhat thawing my resting bitch face as well because I visibly relax and even smile when I see her.
Like everyone else in town, I've known Angela since we were kids, too. She reminds me a lot of Edward in a way — part of the popular crowd but always friendly and more down to earth than the rest of them. Not that I fully understand it personally, but I can see why she's friends with Rosalie Hale simply because they've been friends for so long. Angela has always been kind to me when needed, so I don't blow her off like I would anyone else.
"Looks like it," I say, my eyes darting around to the other shelves to see if I can spot any more of those doll things anywhere else.
"It's the only thing my little sister wants this year," Angela gushes, turning the doll over to inspect it for any damage.
"Take it before someone else does," I whisper-yell, and Angela laughs and finally removes it from the shelves.
"Wow," she breathes at her luck. She nods over to the basket I have in my hand. "How are you making out?"
"Okay, I guess." I look through the toys I've thrown in. "These are just last-minute gifts. Figured one more couldn't hurt."
"They'll love 'em," Angela says politely, looking into my basket for herself. "Who are they for?"
"The kids down at the Boys and Girls Club," I reply. "We're having our winter party in a few days."
"Oh, that's nice. I'm sure they're so excited," she smiles.
I nod, "They are. It's a big deal, from what I hear. This is my first year knowing about it."
"You must be excited too then, right?" She jokes, and we both already know the answer. I find myself chuckling right along with her, knowing her joke wasn't ill-intended.
"Thrilled," I answer. Her phone rings then, and with a roll of her eyes when she looks at her screen to see who's calling, we send each other off with smiles and silent waves.
That was weird. I take out my phone as I'm standing in line waiting to pay, and send a text to Edward saying exactly that. Angela Weber and I just had a pleasant conversation.
Were you actually nice to her?
I laugh out loud, several heads turning in my direction. I was! She's not so bad.
Yeah, she's cool.
Practice go okay?
Yeah, but I'm fucking beat.
I don't know how he does it all. School, work, practice, homework, a social life, drives to the diner to pick up Esme. No wonder he's so tired. The cashier rings my items uneventfully, and I send Edward a quick message telling him to get some rest and that I took care of the toys for the program, so it's one less thing he doesn't have to put on his list.
I don't expect a response; I already know he's fast asleep.
—-u—-
The next few days pass by in a blur of final exams, essays, and holiday excitement. Students and teachers alike are anxious for the final bell to ring today, signaling the start of a long and well-deserved holiday break. Attention spans are minuscule, gifts are being passed in the hallways, in the classrooms, and in the cafeteria during lunches.
It's mayhem, but it's also contagious, and even I find myself eager for freedom. Obviously, I have no plans other than to stay at home, catch up on some reading from the new and upcoming semester, and see Edward every now and then when the holidays die down. He mentioned something about seeing his aunt for Christmas, but other than that, he has plans to enjoy his break to the fullest. No commitment to basketball or boys and girls club for almost two weeks has made him just as excited as the rest of them.
When the final bell rings, a loud chorus of cheers and excitement slices through the air, everyone quickly making their way towards the exits. I know I have everything I'll need over the next ten days, but I stop by my locker just to make sure. As I'm about to shut the door once I've gathered everything, I hear footsteps come to a stop behind me.
"Today's the party, right?" Angela's voice appears at my shoulder.
"Yeah," I say, shutting my locker with a loud clang. "Heading there now, actually."
Her face lights up. "Great! I actually went home the other night and put together a box of toys my sister doesn't play with anymore. Are you accepting donations?"
I nod vigorously. "Wow, that's thoughtful of you, Angela. Yeah, Irina is always accepting donations."
Angela claps her hands in excitement. "Can I drop it by tonight? Or would that be weird because of the party?"
At that moment, I see the rest of her friends behind her. They were too engrossed in their own lives to realize she had been talking to me, and when I looked up, the first face I saw was Edward's. I look away and focus back on Angela.
"Tonight's fine," I smile. "I'll tell her about it when I get there so she'll be ready for you."
Satisfied, Angela smiles goodbye, and I make a move to walk ahead and away from the rest, not wanting to deal with Rosalie and the rest of them today.
"You work at that program too, Swan?" Mike pops his head from behind Angela.
Too late.
"What do you mean?" I ask over my shoulder, not bothering to stop walking. We're almost at the exit, and once outside, it will be easier to part ways. For now, I endure it because there's nowhere else to go.
"Cullen works there sometimes after school," Eric adds in.
"You've been working with Swan?" Rosalie asks Edward, laughing as if the thought of us working together is extremely funny.
I don't look at him. I don't expect him to stand up for me or acknowledge we even know each other outside of school. But the hair on my neck stands on end, and my pulse races as I wait to hear his response.
"We must have opposite shifts," Edward says quietly, and when I peek a glance at him, he has his hands in his pockets, and his eyes are staring down at the ground.
And there it is.
"Not today," Eric goads. "You're working this party today, too, right?"
"If I ever get out here," Edward laughs, pushing Eric forward. "Can we go before my boss writes me up for being late?"
The boys laugh and joke their way out of school, and I breathe a sigh of relief when the rest of them, minus Angela, follows behind. She turns to me at the top of the steps outside school.
"I'll be there around six if that's all right."
I nod. "Yeah, yeah. It's fine."
It is fine, really. I don't mind Angela stopping by, and I originally doubted anyone else would want to go with her to drop off her donations to the program today, considering it's the kickoff for winter break. I figured there would be a party happening somewhere tonight, and everyone would want to be there instead.
But now, as I walk towards the Boys and Girls Club, I wonder if they might change their minds and come along with Angela, now that they know I work there with Edward.
I wonder what that will mean for Edward and me.
Luckily, the festivities at the program today keep me so busy I barely have time to think at all, let alone time to dwell on things I'll never be able to change. Kids will always find something small to turn into something big; I've gotten used to living under their microscope over the last four years, and it shouldn't fall on Edward's shoulders to suddenly step in and stop them.
We find ourselves so busy I barely have time to talk to Angela when she drops off her toy donations. I make my way through gingerbread crafts and glittering snowmen to thank her, and luckily, it's only her that has decided to make an appearance today at the party.
Like me, I think Edward was worried about who Angela would bring along with her as well. Once the chaos dies down to a reasonable level, Edward slides over to my side as I'm cleaning up the remaining crafts off the tables.
"Hey," he says softly. "You okay?"
I stop what I'm doing and look at him with a raised brow. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know," Edward sighs. "I guess it was only a matter of time before they found out we both worked here."
He's right; it was a nice almost two months without having to worry about anyone knowing what I do with my time outside of school hours.
But like all teenage crowds, I know the appeal of this new information will fade in only a matter of time.
"They'll lose interest soon enough," I say, putting away the boxes of the supplies. "I'm sure this will be the last thing they think about tonight on the first night of break."
Edward sighs, helping me with a box I can't quite slide onto the top shelf. When I see his shirt rise as he reaches above me to reveal a hard stomach and a light trail of hair leading from his belly button to beyond his jeans, I try not to let it show. "Yeah, they're probably all at Eric's already."
"Is that where you're going tonight?"
"Probably," he shrugs. "Everyone will be doing holiday shit after tonight."
"Guess so," I say, detached. I don't have too much holiday shit on the agenda this year. I grab the keys and lock the closet. "Is your aunt is coming for Christmas?"
"Yeah, for dinner on Christmas Day. Nothing too crazy." He hands me my jacket as we make our way to the door. "What about you?"
"Should be quiet. Just the three of us." It sounds exactly as terrible as it is.
"A few days after Christmas, my mom and aunt always go out shopping to take advantage of all the after-Christmas sales."
"Smart women," I laugh, walking towards his car. Edward taking me home after work has become routine; he now parks in the back parking lot away from prying eyes.
"I guess," he replies. "But they're usually gone all day and aren't usually home until after dinner."
"Really?"
He nods, hesitating at the back of his car. He rocks on his feet as if he's hesitating to ask me something. I pause and stand only a few feet away from him. "Would you want to come over?" My eyebrows rise at his question. "We could watch Christmas movies and eat holiday chocolate all day in our pajamas."
Maybe it's because it's the first time he's asked me to his house or because of how nervous he sounded to ask, but an actual giggle escapes my mouth. I almost want to put a hand over it to stop, but it's filling the air before I can stop it.
"You've been spending way too many Christmases surrounded by women," I laugh.
"Was it the jammies that made it too much?"
"No," I shake my head with a smile, walking my way over to him. "It sounds great, actually."
When I'm close enough for him to reach me, he takes my hands in his and bends down just enough to make my eyes meet his underneath the streetlight.
"So you'll come?" He asks me with a hopeful expression on his face.
In what world would I ever say no?
Nodding, I now have a huge grin to go with my giggle from earlier. "What time?"
He tells me eleven o'clock after he kisses me.
—-u—-
"You have mail."
My mom's voice echoes softly from the kitchen; Edward and I lost track of time after leaving the Boys and Girls Club and headed to First Beach. We weren't there too long, as his friends were blowing up his phone, and I knew I needed to be home so my mom or Liam wouldn't notice my absence.
Would they, though? Notice if I was here or not?
She's home earlier than usual, probably because of the upcoming holiday, but she doesn't sound like it has put her in a better mood. It's fine with me, as I would prefer to disappear in my room and begin to mentally prepare myself for going to Edward's house.
Not wanting to start any trouble, I follow her voice into the kitchen. There's really only one thing I should be getting in the mail, but it still catches me off guard when I see it sitting simply on the island in the kitchen…
Unopened lies my first college acceptance letter.
College - Bella's ticket out of Forks? The start of Edward's journey of self-discovery? SO MUCH IS TO COME.
I hope you're reading my Christmas Drabble I'm writing with Ariel and Dani - The House on Sycamore Lane. Daily drabble updates and an interactive group on facebook! Today we're sharing our favorite holiday drinks so come and join! Nerdy Lil Darlins Fanfic!
See you next week!