The Crush
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: Don't own Miraculous Ladybug or make any money writing fanfiction.
Ladybug had a headache again. She was going to name it Hawkmoth.
This akuma was just… embarrassing. Apparently, a university girl had been dumped over her obvious Chat Noir obsession, and since it was Paris, her emotional state had attracted Hawkmoth.
Kit Noire was wearing a scandalously skimpy catsuit that seemed styled after a dominatrix outfit and carrying a cat o' nine tails. They had no idea what the weapon did, since she was more focused on Chat Noir, insisting that he was her fated one and chasing him. She generally ignored Ladybug except to bizarrely strike a pose and declare her a rival. The pose made her… assets jiggle in ways that were just… like watching an anime or something.
No. Just no.
Poor Chat was trying not to look at the akuma, his face so red she worried he'd blush himself to death somehow. He looked absolutely panicked at Kit Noire's attention, which included shrieked marriage proposals.
"I'm a minor! I can't get married!" he finally yelled, which was absolutely not information they needed the press to know but now Hawkmoth knew it, so obviously this needed to end now.
Ladybug took a breath and summoned Lucky Charm, hoping they'd have some luck with it.
She stared as it landed in her hand, blinking in horror.
It was a very large red vibrating dildo with black spots.
She could feel her brain breaking.
It was a very large red vibrating dildo, and it was in her hands.
She was only fourteen! What the fuck, Tikki?
Kit Noire yelled something about hot leather catboys, and that was it.
Ladybug fucking snapped.
She yeeted the damn thing at Kit Noire with a roar, and then promptly had to avert her eyes, because it landed in the akuma's cleavage and turned itself on high. Apparently the vibration was quite powerful, because the akuma was unable to get up, just kind of… slowly gyrating across the roof.
Fortunately, with Kit Noire thoroughly distracted, it was easy to divest her of the cat o' nine tails, which she flipped to Chat to reduce to powder. The relief she felt when it released the akuma was something she couldn't express—there wasn't much aside from the skimpy clothing to try destroying after that.
A quick capture of the akuma and cleansing later, she yeeted that horrifying Lucky Charm into the air to return things to normal. They were left on a rooftop with a conservatively-dressed young lady who would likely be absolutely mortified when she saw footage of herself as an akuma.
She took control, letting Chat escape rather than deal with the former-akuma. Murmured platitudes to the girl and handed her off to the authorities, who would be able to help her start recovering, and bugged out.
She would be having a talk with Tikki.
What even was her life?
I have no excuse. I've had a sleeping pill and this is the result.