Much Ado About Negawing: Stalk the Dad, Part 2 - Darkwing Duck (1991)
TheLilyofTheValley: These stories are so freaking good, and ahhh I'm really hooked on this! :D You write every character so well, and holy heck some of these stories are just so good that I just have to keep imagining the rest of the story in my head once the part ends. You're an amazing writer, and thank you so much for writing this lovely collection of stories! *heart*
My Reply: AAAAAAAA- thank you so, so much for reading, and for the kind words! I honestly panicked a little when I saw I had a review on this collection, and then I panicked even more when I saw it was you lol. But I guess I had nothing to worry about! Anyways, I hope that the future stories that I upload to this collection will be just as enjoyable (I probably could've worded that better... but my brain is being uncooperative atm).
A/N: Posting this part of the arc early cause I'm feeling motivated again to work on the Negawing fic I'm currently, well, working on (I'm a little ahead in writing these, hence why I'm able to keep a "once a week" schedule here), so... in other words, "cause why not?"
That night…
"Well, that's a bummer…" Gosalyn crosses her arms, taking in the smoking, dented-up wreckage of the Ratcatcher. "Guess we'll have to go on foot!"
"I still think this is a bad idea," Honker tells her and Launchpad, tugging nervously on his backpack straps. "It's really none of our business if your Dad is seeing someone he doesn't want us to know about yet."
"I've gotta agree with the Honkman on this, Gos," Launchpad pipes up. "If we crash DW's date, he's probably gonna be pretty upset."
"Yeah? Well, I got upset first, when he didn't tell us!" Gosalyn shoots back.
"We don't even know that he's seeing anyone in the first place," Honker adds. "We don't know what he's been sneaking out for. All it is— it's just a theory."
Gosalyn stiffens, and presses a finger to her beak, hissing, "Shhh!"
"Gosalyn Mallard—!"
Gosalyn clamps her fist around Honker's beak. "Shut up, and listen!" the redhead duckling hisses. "You both hear it too, right?" All three birds are silent. Is it just Gos, or are those voices getting closer? "C'mon, let's go hide in that alley!"
After Gosalyn settles behind the dumpster, beside Launchpad and Honker, she peers around the corner and sees the Fearsome Four— no three?
"Huh, I wonder where Quackerjack is," Gos mutters to herself. She turns around to look at L.P. and Honker, scowling. "And the others are right there, and I left my Quiverwing Quack equipment at home!"
"Which is where we should be right now," Honker mumbles, slowly shaking his head.
"Shush! I'm trying to listen!" Gosalyn waves for him to be quiet. Her eyes narrow as she listens to the three crooks' conversation.
"I can't believe Negaduck forgot we had all agreed to rob the St. Canard Museum of Questionable Art!" Bushroot stops walking as he says this, turning around to face his fellow criminals. "I mean, how could he of all people forget something like that?"
"Think mean," the Liquidator adds, grabbing Bushroot by the shoulder and pulling him close before settling his arm around the half-duck half-plant hybrid's neck, "and lose your spleen!"
"Make that deep fried spleen." Megavolt rubs his hands together, smirking at the thought. "We'll show Negaduck that if anyone's the knob in this group, it's him!"
There's a loud clattering of metal from the nearby alley, and the villains pause.
"You heard that too, right?" Bushroot asks.
"Crud," Gosalyn mutters, glaring down at the crumpled can that had tumbled out of the dumpster. She didn't even touch it, and it fell out anyway!
"Hey," Bushroot starts again, pointing at something not too far from the alley, "isn't that Darkwing Duck's motorcycle over there?"
"Oh, poor baby!" Megavolt runs up to smashed motorcycle and hugs it tight. "How dare that Darkwing crash you and then just leave you here! When I get my hands on him, I'll—"
"Eat old hot-dog link, evil doers!" Gosalyn swoops out of the shadows and swings one end of the link towards Megavolt. Which— as she soon comes to find out— hadn't exactly been the best idea, seeing as the villain is quick enough to grab onto the link with one hand.
Megavolt tsks at her, shaking his head. "Not until it's fully cooked… along with your goose!"
"Yipe!" Gosalyn drops the link of hot dogs just as electricity violently surges through it— thoroughly blackening the dogs before they even hit the ground. Launchpad leaps out of the shadows now, Honker tucked under one arm. He scoops Gos up in his free arm, despite her very vocal protests.
"Sorry Gos, but we gotta split before we wind up like those hot dogs," Launchpad says, running away from the villains as fast as he can. He skids to a stop as the Liquidator suddenly materialises before him, watery arms crossed.
"Drip, drop, drip, drop! This kind of clock must be stopped." The Liquidator smirks as he gets right in L.P.'s face and adds, "And who better to stop it than… The Liquidator! Dissatisfaction is guaranteed, or no money back!"
. . . .
Meanwhile… outside the St. Canard Museum of Questionable Art…
Ten minutes.
Ten minutes, and they still haven't returned! Quackerjack never signed up to play babysitter to a museum filled with the ugliest artwork imaginable. Well, he doesn't have to take this, and sit on this stupid bench any longer!
And so he then pulls out his best friend Mr. Banana Brain. Maybe he'll have some valuable insight!
Quackerjack lifts his best friend closer and asks, "What do you think, Mr. Banana Brain? Should I go in and steal all the artwork for myself?"
"Only if you share with me," Mr. Banana Brain answers.
"Of course I'll share with you! We'll split it, seventy percent for me, and thirty for you."
"Fifty-fifty, or you won't find my next deal very nifty."
"We'll discuss this after I rob them all blind!" Quackerjack chuckles evilly, sliding Mr. Banana Brain back into his safe place. "It's playtime!"
. . . .
Back to the present…
"What do you mean, she's on vacation?!"
Gosalyn scowls up at Eek and Squeak, who chatter to her again exactly what they did before.
"Well this is just great," Gosalyn mutters. "Dad's love life is in trouble because of me, and the one person who can help me fix it is on vacation. In the Himalayas!"
"Oooh, I've been to the Himalayas myself!" Launchpad exclaims. "That was where I crashed a yak for the first time!"
"You crashed a yak?" Gosalyn looks up at the older duck, blinking in bewilderment. "How would you— no, no, never mind! We need to focus!" She rubs her chin thoughtfully. "Wait… all we have to do is get Dad and Negaduck to talk to each other again, right?" Eek chatters fearfully at the mention of Negaduck, and Gos quickly waves her hands for him to calm down. "No, no, no! Look, I have no idea what changed between Dad and Negaduck, but they're not enemies anymore! They're— well, they were dating… and now they're not. I didn't even know they were dating until last night!" She sighs, and links her fingers together. She holds her connected hands out to the two bats as she goes on, "I have an idea how to fix it, but I need your help to do it. And Archie's. Will you please help us?
Eek and Squeak share a silent look, before turning to face the duckling once more with their answer.
. . . .
Negaduck throws another knife into the wall— the blade sinks deep into the wooden board, still shaking a little from the impact. He grabs the spoon in the carton on his lap and takes another scoop of ice cream. The villainous duck sighs tiredly as he gazes down at it, and just drops the spoon. "Pistachio ice cream just doesn't seem to be doing it anymore…" He picks up the carton and glares at the label. "Well no wonder! It's that crappy 'Frigid Jet Dairy' brand! Bleh!"
Negaduck tosses the ice cream carton across the room, ignoring it as it hits the wall, and slides down to the floor— leaving a trail of quickly melting green in its wake. Instead, he's pulling a map out from the inside of his jacket. He opens it up and glares down at it. "Geez, how many shops does 'Frigid Jet Dairy' really need?! Just one is enough to make my spine crawl…" And then he spots it. "Ahh… now what do we have here?" He settles his finger underneath the name in question. "'The Muddlefoot's Ice Cream Galore?'" Negaduck lifts his head, frowning. "You know, I was starting to wonder what it was they did for work in this universe. Maybe I should pay them a little visit— for their sake, their ice cream had better be at least halfway decent!"
Just as Negaduck stands up, a cloud of smoke billows up out of nowhere.
"Not today, Negaduck!" Much to his surprise, his unexpected visitor is not Darkwing, but rather Gosalyn Mallard. Over one shoulder, she has a quiver of arrows strapped, and a bow curled around the other. Poised on top of the bow is Morgana's yellow-brown spider Archie, and hovering above Gosalyn's head are the sorceress's bats Eek and Squeak.
"Oh, great. It's the wonder kid and her little posse of magical misfits," Negaduck drawls, a scowl taking over his features. "Whaddya want now, Snookums? Planning on carting me off to jail? Forget it, you'll never take me alive."
"I came to get you and Da- Darkwing back together!" Gosalyn pokes Negaduck hard in the chest. "You can either come willingly… or we'll kick your lousy butt and drag you to him ourselves."
"First off, you can cut the 'Darkwing' bull crap— I already know he's your dad," Negaduck growls, crossing his arms as he glares down at her. "Much as I loathe to admit it, our universes aren't a complete one eighty from each other. Second!" He pokes her in the chest now as he snarls, "Why would you want to get me and Dipwing Dork back together? Did you hit your head or something on the way over?"
He straightens back up, crossing his arms again as he says with an air of finality, "And third— our relationship wasn't gonna last. Like I said. He's the hero, and I'm the villain. Whatever was between us was doomed from the start. If anything, you did the two of us a favour by crashing our date last night! So why doncha do yourself one too and just go home. There's nothing to fix."
And with that, Negaduck turns around to walk away— only to collide with Launchpad. "Oof! Alright, you all have officially overstayed your welcome. You can either leave in one piece, OR—" He's about to reach into his jacket to grab his shotgun when Launchpad grabs his wrist and holds on tightly. "— in… shreds? Hey, what's the big id—"
Some sticky, white string-like stuff suddenly materialises around his wrist.
At the same time a fist makes crashes into his lower beak. And then more of the sticky stuff is slung around his body and tightens. "You're making a big mistake, you little brat! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna rip you a new—" The stuff curls tightly around his beak, shutting him up.
"Keen gear! That was… a lot easier than I thought it would be," Gosalyn remarks. "But just in case—" She reaches behind her back and pulls out a frying pan. Negaduck has barely enough time to make one more muffled noise of boiling rage before Gos slams the pan against his head. "— sleep tight! Do let the bed bugs bite!"
. . . .
Back to the past…
"Drip, drop, drip, drop! This kind of clock must be stopped." The Liquidator smirks as he gets right in L.P.'s face and adds, "And who better to stop it than… The Liquidator! Dissatisfaction is guaranteed, or no money back!"
"Wait!" Bushroot cries before either of his companions could attack. "Where's Darkwing Duck?"
"Forget it! We're not telling you where he is!" Gosalyn shoots back with a scowl. "Now let us go, or face the consequences!"
Bushroot is silent for a moment, tapping his lower beak. And then he points at her as he says with conviction, "You don'tknow where he is… do you?" When she opens her mouth to shout something else at him, he lifts a leafy hand for silence. "Fearsome Three— I think we just found a clue!"
. . . .
Present…
"Nggh… why… does he have… to be so… darn… heavy?!" Gosalyn and Launchpad strain against the unconscious Negaduck's weight as they try to lift him up into the cockpit of the Thunderquack.
Even with the help of Eek, Squeak, and Archie, they're not making much headway.
"Must be… all that pistachio ice cream!" Launchpad declares, droplets of sweat rolling down his face.
"Yuck," Gosalyn mutters. "That stuff is the bane of my existence. Now puuuushhh!" With a final burst of strength from the two ducks and their smaller companions Negaduck at last tumbles into the cockpit, still snoring like his favourite chainsaw. Gosalyn wipes off her sweaty forehead, sighing in relief. "Now let's get him to the drop-off point before he wakes up and kills us all!"
"I still don't think Herb heard me properly over the phone this morning," Launchpad tells her as he clambers into the cockpit himself. "Do you really think this is gonna work, Gos?"
"It has to," Gosalyn answers, following suit. "The only thing I hate more than Negaduck is seeing Dad moping all day. Let's get renovating!"
. . . .
The doorbell of the Mallard residence rings for the third time.
Still no one comes to the door.
"Where did Launchpad say he hid the key to the front door?" Binkie asks Herb, who tries ringing the doorbell a fourth time.
"Uhhh… under the… give me a minute…"
Binkie looks over at Tank, who stands beside his brother, hands behind his back, whistling nonchalantly. She briefly wonders where Honker got that black eye before shaking her head and calling, "Honker, Tank! Would you two be dears and help me look for the key?"
"It's probably under the doormat," Honker mutters.
Which, in his opinion, is the dumbest place anyone could put a key to the front door.
A/N #2: Yeaaah, Gosalyn's plan is definitely overly-complicated lmfao— also yes, I did make a minor reference to the Darkwing comics, although they're not canon to this arc.
Additionally, I'm also aware that Herb Muddlefoot is a door-to-door *cringes at that word* salesman. I didn't know at the time of writing this fic, but I essentially am going with the fact that it could very well be a relative of his who's running the ice cream shop, and Negs just doesn't know that yet.
Oh! And credit to Hazel Redflower of AO3 for the name "Fearsome Three." :3