Konoha! A bustling, crowded "village" full of life and joy and—

"See our depressed kid yet?"

"Depressed kids? Everywhere. Depressed kids in tacky orange jumpsuits? No, not yet,"

...Depressed...kids?

"There's that boy with shades and no emotion, simping pink-haired girl who has no parents(love her hands), edgy black-haired kids also with no parents, but no blonde-haired kids with no parents. I'm hurt this place isn't representing the blonde-haired orphan population enough! Isn't that right, Dio?"

Sitting comfortably on benches that overlooked the village, Kira, Kars, and Dio were doing what every man of the bourgeoisie yearned for: absolutely nothing.

-Sip!-

Reclining on his own chair, Dio sipped on a cup of hot coffee and answered, "Hm? Oh definitely, we need more megalomaniac blonds in this place!"

"Maybe we should murder some kid's parents and turn him evil or something; that'd be truly amusing," Kars commented from his binoculars(his eagle eyes), hand holding his own cup of coffee.

There was a brief moment of silence where no one spoke…

…

…

Before they all burst out laughing.

"Yeah right—" Kira started.

"—That'd just be—" Dio continued.

"—More competition!" And Kars finished.

Again, a good ten seconds of silence proceeded with even more raucous laughter. Soon, a comfortable lull fell upon the trio, with only the sound of occasional sipping to break the quiet. Of course, like all good things, it was never meant to last.

-Woosh!-

"So this is where you were," A deep— if lazy, voice cut through the placid environment, forcing everyone out of their collective stupor.

Turning around, the three were met with two things: a disinterested gaze, and a furious one. Now, I don't think I need to tell you which one they were keener to talk to, but because this is a book, I'll do it anyway.

"Ah," Dio forced a smile, though he was having a bit of trouble on account of the burning glare Tsukiko was sending his way, "Kakashi, Tsukiko! How are you?"

"Meh," Kakashi shrugged, apparently feeling a bit 'meh', whatever that meant.

Tsukiko on the other hand, sadly didn't share the same sentiment:

"Get off from there!" Her tone, although not quite murderous just yet—

"But—"

"Now." Nope. Definitely murderous; I was just being an idiot, don't mind me...

"Hmph! Do I gotta?" And to no one's surprise, Dio pulled a Dio and didn't immediately follow the scary lady's instructions.

"Do you have to—?! I-I don't even—! You are literally sitting on top of Lord First's head!" She ground her teeth in pure frustration, to the point that smoke was exiting her ears.

Dio formed an 'O' face, like he was shocked that they were shocked he was disrespecting the founder of their village. But yes, I may have forgotten to mention they were reclining oh so comfortably on Hashirama Senju's lovely, lovely hair.

Before anyone could get off, Kira suddenly turned around, "And?" His eyes grinned maliciously after his reply, his lips enunciated the singular syllable with so much oomph you could almost hear every mic in the village drop purely in response. Along with that, you could also hear a volcano erupting inside a certain girl—

"Oh, you did not just fucking say that!" She rolled up her metaphorical sleeves as she marched towards the blond, her footfalls sounding more like stomping than actually walking.

He got up, that infuriating smile still permanently glued onto his face, "Ah, but I did. What are you gonna do about it?" Kira cackled quietly when her eyes widened almost impossibly wide and gave her a wink that left her shaking.

She whispered, "...That's it," But with how quiet the place was, everyone could hear her.

"What?" Kira took an unconscious step back, visibly flinching at the pure amounts of menacingium she let out. In the background, Dio looked at Kars and Kakashi with a tinge of worry.

He was right to do so.

"That's it," Because something broke inside her that day—

-Boom!-

Faster than any of their eyes could catch, a visible dent was placed in Kira's chest. Bone shattered, muscles tore and the man being put through worlds of pain flew off the Shodaime's head.

"I won't have you disrespecting our Hokage you inferior samurai piece-a-shit!"

With an audible crack, fracture, and crash.

Dio jumped off his seat to hold her back, but it was in vain, "Wait! He was just jok— aaaand she's gone..." He turned to aim an irritated glare at Kakashi.

"You could've stopped her,"

Shrug, "Just because I didn't say anything doesn't mean I didn't care; he's still our first Hokage,"

Another sigh.

"So. What's her story?" Dio queried while leaning over to look for signs of Kira— and maybe more pertinently, Tsukiko.

"I could tell you, but I think I have a better idea," Dio turned around to face the masked shinobi, a quizzical look on his face.

"Oh? And what's that?"

Kakashi smiled with his eyes, "Go ask her yourself," And pushed him off.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaa..."

-Thud!-

Sitting down cross-legged on the cool stone of the former Hokage, Kakashi had never felt more refreshed in his life. But… no, that didn't feel right; something was niggling at the back of his head… like he had forgotten an important piece of information...

"Not going to push me off?" Oh right! This guy.

Dredging up his bank of snazzy one-liners, Kakashi faced the frowning giant. But before he could fire back a response, Kars held a hand out.

"You need not ramble; I need to go and make sure he doesn't hurt himself anyway," He scowled and muttered quietly, "Or he hurts somebody accidentally,"

Again, without any prompting on Kakashi's end, Kars casually waltzed off of the monument, landing onto the dirt clearing with a great boom, a small depression formed as a result of this bit of flamboyancy.

'Now, all that's left is to find them before they cause any real harm,' He concluded as he walked out of the plumes of dust his fall created.

It didn't take long for him to find Kira.

He was— quite satisfyingly— beaten black and blue. With most of his body lodged squarely into a boulder, it almost made Kars feel bad for the guy. But if being alive for a few millennia has taught him anything, it's to never feel bad for the guy who has a creepy hand fetish.

Standing imposingly in front of the overpowered blond was Tsukiko. They seemed to be having a conversation, but to Kars's confusion, she didn't have the typical look of victory on her face. Hell, she didn't even look relieved at schooling the idiot…

No, she looked scared.

Red flags immediately plopped themselves comfortably inside his brain, and he began his computations:

Memories of his time with Kira.

Things he did of note.

His stand's ability.

He and Dio's fight at the beginning.

What the angel said.

Stop reality-warping powers.

...

Three keywords:

Bites.

Za.

Dusto.

It clicked at that moment, and he panicked.

'Shit! Shit! Shit! I have to stop him!'

Resolving himself to find out, Kars crept closer to the pair, each inch closer, he swore he could almost hear their conversation. He was so close. Just one more step.

And he took it...

And he heard.

"—Bites... Za Dusto!"

-Click!-

And then there was nothing.