A/N: You guys I just want to put a disclaimer out there that this is NOT A SHIP ONE SHOT! You can obviously take it however you want it, but in my mind Sirius and Lily are defo platonic soulmates. Anyways, I don't own the characters, yada yada, all belongs to..ugh..JK Rowling.

June 5, 1975

Lily Evans was never one to truly hate. At least until this year. She hated those damn death eaters. She hated Voldemort. She hated Severus Snape. She hated James Potter. And she bloody well hated Sirius fucking Black.

Which was why her first instinct as she saw him sitting alone in the common room at 2 in the morning (the night of Snape calling her a Mudblood) was to turn around and pretend he wasn't there.

But as she took in his slumped form, the way he seemed to curl into himself, the fact that he was shaking slightly, and the dark red fire flickering his face causing shadows to dance on the planes of his face and show off his dark and bruised under eyes, she couldn't help but take pity. So she squared her shoulders and walked over to him.

He looked up at her, and his grey eyes travelled across her face. Scanning her. He didn't say anything. Neither did she. She wordlessly just stared into the fire.

"Evans?" He croaked. She noted his voice was gravelly and raspy. Whether from sleep, lack thereof, or lack of use, she didn't know.

"Black." She responded. She tore her gaze away from the flickering fire and met his confused grey eyes. The clash of emerald with grey was enough for him to shake himself of the stupor he found himself in. She was actually here.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Sorry, I thought everyone could use the common room, Black." She sniped. He sighed.

"Sorry," He mumbled. She quirked an arched eyebrow.

"Would you mind repeating that?" She said, slightly teasing.

"I said I'm sorry. I was a berk today. It's our fault that..that he called you that." He whispered.

"No," She whispered. "It's not. Don't beat yourself up over it. He's been going down that path far longer than today."

"I'm still sorry." He murmured. "I know what it's like to lose people you love to that side."

She wanted him to elaborate. But she didn't want to press it. So, she didn't. She'd wait for him to tell her instead. That's it. But for some reason, she found she didn't want to leave.

So, she stayed. And she and Black didn't really talk much. Just stared into the fire. If only she knew that her presence truly made all the difference to the young Sirius Black.

September 12, 1975

The next time she found him in the common room was an unusually random night. It was a Friday. Normally the Marauders would be off somewhere pissing off Filch or McGonagall or doing some other sort of heinous prank they found amusing. But no.

Here he was again, sitting there. In front of the fire, looking like a broken puppy. He was wrapped in a grey colored blanket. A grey that actually matched his eyes. His hair that was normally always immaculate and silky seemed limp and lifeless. The dark bruises under his eyes were prominent against his pale skin.

So, she walked over to him and sat next to him once more.

"Is this going to be a habit, Evans?" He voiced after a few moments. His pink lips quirked up on the right corner slightly. She rolled her eyes, but found there was no true annoyance in the action.

"Only if you make it one, Black."

It was quiet once more. She didn't make a sound. Nor did he. Until, he changed his gaze to look at her.

"I know why I'm down here," He said. "But why are you?"

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." She answered, her voice more tired and not the proper melodic ringing he normally hears from her.

"You don't want to hear my sob story, Evans." He said simply.

"Then you don't want to hear mine." She responded back in the same tone.

He watched her for a moment. Her gaze clashing with his as she met his eyes unflinchingly.

"Maybe one day, I'll tell you."

"Maybe. If you do, I'll listen."

"Thanks, Evans."

"Thank you, Black."

He never really knew what she was thanking him for. But she knew. Because these nights not only helped him, they helped her too. She was not entirely selfless for sitting with him. Because she liked the comfort he unknowingly gave her on sleepless nights.

September 20, 1975

It was a full moon. It was a full moon and Moony had finally fallen asleep into the wee hours of the morning or late hours of the night, depending on how you look at it.

It was 3 am. He couldn't sleep. Moony was particularly restless this time, as it was the first full moon of the school year and all that. He hurt all over. His cuts and bruises were nothing compared to how Remus felt, so he didn't complain. Truly.

But he now found himself walking into the common room, and seeing Lily Evans in front of the fire this time. This was the first time he was approaching her. So, he sat down next to her on their unofficially claimed seats that they held in these hours of the night.

"You look terrible." Was all she said. Sirius noted that her voice sounded unusually thick. And that she had turned her face away from him after the quick glance. His brows furrowed in concern.

"Evans?" He asked. "Why do you sound like that?"

There was no answer. This made him frown even deeper. Is she okay?

He gently grabbed her chin, and turned her head toward him. He absently noted how soft her skin was, filing that away into the deeper recesses of his well occluded mind.

He held in a gasp when he scanned her face. Her pale skin had streaks of splotchy redness and dried tear tracks along her cheeks. Her normally vibrant emerald eyes had dulled but were shiny with unshed tears. Deep bruises under her eyes marred her alabaster skin. Her vibrant dark red hair was tangled in a heap on top of her head.

She was not okay. He scanned the rest of her figure, her eyes narrowing in on a letter clenched into her hands as if it disgusted her but she could not bear to let it go.

"Is it the letter?" He asked, his voice surprisingly calm. She merely nodded. Not trusting herself to speak. "Can I see what it says?"

She shook her head. He nodded. He gently unclenched her fingers, smoothing them out on her thighs and took the letter from her hand. She watched, wordlessly as he tossed the letter into the fire.

The two watched, his arm around her shoulders and her smaller frame nestled up against his side as the letter coiled up into itself in the fire and began blackening. It turned into ash. She felt a small glint of satisfaction.

He turned to her. "Words only hurt if you let them hurt you, love." He spoke. He wished he could take his own advice. But this was something James had said to him multiple times. Lily didn't need to know that. She smiled softly.

"Love?"

"It sounded good at the moment." He said simply. But she decided she quite liked the term of endearment. It's been so long since someone called her love.

"I like it."

"Okay."

October 13, 1975

It was Monday night. They had school the next day, but Sirius found he couldn't sleep once more. Or, he didn't want to. He grabbed the Marauders Map, and stuck it in his pocket making his way down the stairs to the Common Room.

It was there that he found Lily Evans once more. He sighed, and walked over.

"We must stop meeting like this." He greeted.

She snorted. "It's not like we have much to talk about during the day time."

He shrugged. That was true. Nobody really knew they were friends. Not his Marauders, not her dorm mates. It was something that was between them.

Sirius just also realized he called her friend. Mulling it over, she is, he decided. His friend.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

She sighed. "Insomnia."

"I know the feeling." He sympathized with her. Truly. So, he decided to do something reckless. "Do you want to see something?"

That caught her attention. She perked up and eyed him suspiciously. "What is it?"

"You have to swear you'd never tell a single soul." He said, his eyes wide as if it was an international secret. She nodded solemnly.

"I solemnly swear." She said, then grinned, doing something she had seen him and the other Marauders do when making a promise. She lifted up her right hand, and said. "Marauder's honour."

His cheeks hurt from the shit eating grin on his face. If Prongs were here, he'd marry her on the spot. Hell, because of that, Sirius would even marry her.

"We'll make a prankster out of you yet," He smirked, and took out the map. She stared at him - and it - blankly.

"It's parchment."

"It's not just parchment." He said, offended. He whipped out his wand and pointed it at the map. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." She then gasped in shock as ink began spilling all over it, forming the words she spoke aloud.

"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers are Proud to Present the Marauders Map."

And she saw the castle. She saw dots with peoples names. Where they are. What they're doing.

"How?" She gasped.

"It was Prongs' idea." Sirius said sheepishly.

"Wormtail and I did the drawing, James and Moony did the spell work."

She was in awe, truly. "This is how you never get caught." She said simply and he grinned.

"So, are you ready for an adventure?" He said with a wicked smirk and mischief gleaming in his grey eyes. Despite herself, she grinned as well.

"Let's do it."

November 3, 1975

It was Sirius' 16th birthday. Not that he bloody well cared. He sat in the common room alone in front of the fire, clutching a letter from his dear dear mum.

Lily walked over to him silently once more. They had developed somewhat of a system. Every night when Sirius couldn't sleep he'd go to the common room and she'd be there. Or vice versa. But she sat down, a gentle look on her face as she wrapped her arms around his shaking frame and ran her fingers through his hair.

"It's okay," She whispered.

"It's not."

"What happened?" She asked gently, and he gave her the letter. She took it and wordlessly read its contents, her eyes darkening and her glare intensifying with every word.

"How could she-"

"My parents are a dark family, Evans." He cut her off. "I'm the opposite. I'm a gryffindor, loud, brash son of a bitch who's the opposite of what the proper heir of the future Lord Black is supposed to be. Unforgivables is child's play to my mother and the spells she uses as punishments." The words were spilling out now and they couldn't stop. Her ever increasing horrifying expression was now filled with understanding.

Why he couldn't sleep. Why he acted out. Why he wasn't that amazing at potions because he has random tremors and his hand shakes from cruciatus exposure and he can't do the precise cuts needed.

Her heart broke. But this was Sirius Black, and the last thing he needed or wanted was her pity. He suddenly let out a bitter bark of laughter.

"I understand, you know." He whispered. "I understand why the light families are weary of me because I'm a Black. I understand why the Dark families don't like me because I'm not dark enough. I know that I act obnoxious and rude to Slytherins but how else was I going to prove myself to the Gryffindor's who automatically shunned me because of my last name? I even removed Regulus from my life because he is a Slytherin and I can't for the life of me put my pride aside and talk to my baby brother." He said, tears were rolling down his cheeks now as she stared at him with a heartbroken look on her face.

Because truly, her heart broke for him. "Oh, Sirius." She whispered, gathering him into her arms as his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her so close to him there wasn't any room between their bodies and he wept into her shoulder as she soothed him by running her fingers through his hair and murmuring soothing words into his ear.

She spoke. "My sister's a muggle. She and I were best friends." He was still shaking, but the sobs had subsided and he pulled away from her. Not too much, for she was sitting down and his head was on her legs and she was still running her hands through his hair. He was listening. "When I found out I was a witch, she grew bitter. She didn't have the powers I did. She even wrote to Dumbledore, asking for him to take her to Hogwarts and give her magic. He said he couldn't do that. But I found the letter," She whispered. "Snape, he mocked her. After that she called me a freak. She-she hates me. Doesn't speak to me. Spits freak at me anytime she can. And my parents, they-they treat magic like it's some sort of trick. 'Oh, do this Lily!' 'Oh, do that Lily!' Like I'm some sort of demonstration. I feel isolated. I understand they're supportive and I'm so grateful, but it's another thing reminding me of how different I am from my family."

He sighed. "Different isn't bad." He spoke softly, his voice hoarse.

"I know. And it's not bad that you're different. My home life cannot be compared to yours by any means but..I know how it feels to be isolated from the people that are meant to love you unconditionally."

"We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Sirius spoke after a few moments. She laughed hollowly.

"Quite the pair indeed."

January 17 1976

He fucked up. Oh Circe did he fuck up. He sat in the common room, the full moon going on and he could hear Moony's anguished howls because they weren't there. James wasn't speaking to him, nobody was.

God, Moony. He betrayed him. Merlin. Merlin, Sirius was the worst person alive.

"Sirius?" Lily frantically asked, running to him. "Sirius tell me what James told me isn't true." She begged. Her eyes glistened with tears.

No, because no. There's no way that Sirius Black, her best bloody friend outside her girls could do something like that. James looked so devastated. No. There has to be another explanation. But, as Sirius looked up, with guilt and shame shining in his eyes, she recoiled.

"No," She whispered. "How could you? To Remus?" Horror filled her.

Remus. The person who deserves happiness the most out of everyone she's ever met. The kind boy with the smile that could light up Muggle London. The boy with honey brown eyes that shifted to forest green when he was happy or drunk. The boy with adorable dimples and sandy brown hair that was messy and always got in his face.

"I didn't think!" He said desperately. His voice was anguished. "Snape just kept sticking his fat nose in where it didn't belong and he-he threatened Moony!"

"Be that as it may," Lily spoke, her voice surprisingly even despite the feeling of a broken heart. "Because of you, he could have bitten Snape. He could have killed him, Sirius. How do you think that he'd react if he found out? He already thinks of himself as a monster!"

"I didn't mean to!" Tears were spilling down his face and his heart was breaking. He could hold it together, but Lily's disappointment on top of everything else felt like an Avada to the heart.

"Oh I know you didn't mean to! I know you didn't think anything of it but the consequences!" She ground out, waving her hands everywhere and ruffling her hair because she couldn't think straight. But this was Sirius. Her Sirius. The boy who holds her when she's upset and makes her smile and the boy who actually truly changed before her very eyes. But did he change?

"This could kill him. He trusted you. He loved you. You were his brother, Sirius." Lily whispered. "You betrayed him in a way that..I don't think he'll ever truly forgive you for. I don't know-"

"You hate me." He said dully. "James hates me. Remus will hate me when he finds out what I've done. Peter...god Peter was horrified."

"I don't hate you, you stupid boy." She whispered. "But Merlin, Sirius..I just..I can't look at you right now." She whispered, and walked away.

And the final piece of his heart fell.

March 26 1976

"You like James." Sirius whispered, grinning. She blushed madly and rolled her eyes.

"I do not."

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"HA!" Sirius exclaimed smugly.

"Fuck."

"Why don't you just tell the poor sod and put him out of his misery?" He asks.

"What if he grew out of it? Finally moved on? And then I start to like him. Merlin Sirius, it's cruel."

"James will never move on from you." Sirius responded honestly. "You're his soulmate."

"Do you know his patronus?" She asked randomly. He tensed.

"Yes, why?"

"He refused to do his in class today." She admitted. "I know he can do it. But I don't know why he'd refuse the chance to show off."

It's because hers is a doe. His patronus is a stag. He didn't want to embarrass her.

"You're going to have to find out for yourself." He answered his red haired best friend.

"Come on!" She whined. "Please."

"I can't.." He murmured. "James wanted to keep it a secret from you for a reason. He doesn't want you to be embarrassed."

"Why would I be?" She demanded. He just shot her a secret smile. A smile that she wanted to slap off.

But she and Sirius sat in silence, as she rested her head on his shoulder and he rested his head on top of hers and they fell asleep.

It's a wonder, how they come down there alone, wanting to wallow in their sadness, but end up happy or content. She never thought that Sirius Black would ever be her confidant, her rock, but here he was. And she wouldn't replace him for anything.

There would be some people that would one day say that the reason Sirius never married was because he never loved a woman more than he loved Lily Evans Potter.

And in some way that's true. He never did love another woman more than he loved Lily. And he never loved another man more than he loved James. And they were ripped away from him by a man thought to be a friend.

And then he saw Harry. Who was so like his parents, but also not. And he was forced to leave Harry as well. No, Sirius never married and never had children because the family he already had was enough for him.

And that was why he was content to stay in Azkaban for 12 years. Because a life without them and Remus wasn't bloody well worth living. Not to him, anyways.