Author's Note: This chapter starts near the end of the episode "Sozin's Comet, Part 1: The Phoenix King" (S3 E18), when Sozin's Comet is just two days away and the Gaang discovers that Aang is missing. Although this is a "missing scenes" fic, I had to include some actual scenes from the finale episodes (told from Katara's POV) for this chapter to make sense.
Chapter 6: Regret
Sokka was the one who noticed Aang's footprints in the sand. The group followed the line of footprints, which led from just beneath the balcony where they had found Aang's staff and all the way to the edge of the water.
"So he went for a swim in the middle of the night and never came back?" Suki said.
Katara was growing more and more alarmed. Every clue they found around Aang's disappearance was more mysterious and more disturbing than the last. Last night, he had stormed off in the middle of dinner and retreated to the balcony to meditate over the dilemma of whether or not to kill the Fire Lord. Then this morning, they discovered that he had disappeared, leaving his glider behind. Katara knew Aang would never go anywhere without his glider, not willingly. And now, they found his footprints, which led straight into the ocean.
"Maybe he was captured," Katara said, with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Sozin's Comet was coming in two days, and they were hiding in the heart of enemy territory. They had been discovered, and Aang had been captured. That was the only possible explanation.
"No, I don't think so," Sokka said. "There's no sign of a struggle."
Toph crossed her arms. "I bet he ran away again."
Katara bristled at Toph's offhand remark. Aang would never run away. Not from something as important as fighting the Fire Lord. She was about to defend Aang when Sokka said, "Nah, I doubt it. He left behind his glider and Appa."
"Then what do you think happened to him, oh sleuthy one?" Toph countered.
"I think It's pretty obvious," Sokka said, with a smug look on his face. "Aang mysteriously disappears before an important battle? He's definitely on a spirit world journey."
A spirit world journey… That would make sense, except—
"But wouldn't his body still be here?" Zuko pointed out.
Sokka's face fell. "Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."
If Aang hadn't been captured, and if he wasn't in the spirit world… Katara narrowed her eyes. "Then he's got to be somewhere on Ember Island. We need to split up and look for him."
Toph went with Zuko to comb the beach, while Sokka flew on Appa to scan the water. Katara headed into town with Suki to see if they could find Aang there.
"Why would Aang disappear like that?" Suki said as they walked along the road to town.
"I don't know," Katara said. "I'm worried that something bad happened to him."
"His footprints led straight into the water and never came back out. Do you think there's any chance he could have, you know…drowned?"
Katara shook her head. "He's a waterbender as well as an airbender. He's also the Avatar. In fact, he was the one who saved me and Sokka from drowning, once."
"Maybe Toph is right, then. Maybe he did run away."
"He didn't run away!" Katara said sharply.
But Suki's words planted a seed of doubt in Katara's mind. What if he did run away? She had to admit that it appeared he left on his own.
It was only yesterday when Zuko dropped the shocking revelation that the Fire Lord was plotting to use Sozin's Comet to incinerate the entire Earth Kingdom. But as horrifying as the Fire Lord's plan was, fighting Ozai and the Fire Nation seemed far less terrifying than before. Their group was in a much better place to defeat him now. Zuko was familiar with the details of his father's strategy, so they knew when and where to strike. They would sneak board the Fire Lord's airship, and once it took off, they would isolate and attack Ozai. Because they knew exactly where Ozai was going to be, they could coordinate their attack to give Aang the best advantage possible. Even though Sozin's Comet would boost Ozai's firebending, it would do the same for Aang and Zuko, too. Thanks to Zuko, Aang had even learned how to redirect lightning. Finally, they were six against one—the odds were in their favor. They actually had a shot at winning the war, and a good one, too.
But then Aang had to go and disappear.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend," Suki said. "It's just that he seemed so conflicted last night, when he and Zuko were talking about killing the Fire Lord."
Katara remembered how Aang had held back from attacking the Melon Lord—their Ozai dummy—during their training run yesterday. How despondent he had seemed at dinner, when he sat apart from the rest of the group. How he had blown up at Sokka, and how he and Katara had exchanged sharp words.
Could Toph and Suki be right? Could Aang have run away so he wouldn't have to grapple with the choice of whether or not to kill Ozai?
No. Aang doesn't run away, not anymore, she thought to herself. But then again, he never had to wrestle with the idea of killing someone, either. Even at the invasion, the plan had been to capture the Fire Lord during the eclipse, when his firebending was rendered useless. But still, Aang wouldn't run away from something like this. It would be so unlike him.
If he hadn't run away, though, what reason would he have for being in town if they found him there? Katara supposed they would have to find him first and let him answer that question for himself.
Suki and Katara were at the edge of the town now. A crowd was gathered in the town square, and they seemed to be chanting something. It sounded like someone's name. The people were gathered in a rough circle, and their attention was on something in the middle of the crowd. They were egging someone on. Was there a street fight going on?
As the girls drew closer, the chanting became clearer. "Aang! Aang! Aang! Aang!" yelled the people in the crowd.
We found him! Katara and Suki pushed their way through the circle. Aang was standing in the middle of the circle, and the first thing Katara noticed was that he was dressed in his yellow and orange monk's clothing. Before she could comment on how unusual that was, he turned around. It wasn't Aang, after all—it was the actress who had played Aang the other night. The actress made a flamboyant gesture and declared, "Avatar State!" just as the burly actor for Toph hoisted her into the air. "Yip-yip!" she cried.
Katara groaned and smacked a fist to her forehead. She should have known that finding Aang would not be this easy.
After Katara and Suki searched the town, they returned to the beach house empty-handed. They joined Toph and Zuko, who had also been unsuccessful, on the front steps. Not long after they returned, Sokka swooped into the courtyard on Appa.
"Judging by the looks on your faces, I'm guessing you guys didn't find Aang, either," he said, and leaped out of the saddle into the courtyard.
Zuko shook his head. "No. It's like he just...disappeared."
"Hey, wait a minute," Toph said. "Has anyone noticed that Momo's missing, too?"
Sokka turned to Appa in horror. "Oh no! I knew it was only a matter of time! Appa ate Momo!" He opened Appa's mouth and stared down the sky bison's throat. "Momo, I'm coming for you, buddy!"
Katara sighed. "Sokka, Appa didn't eat Momo. He's probably with Aang." If Momo was with Aang, maybe that was a good sign. Maybe it meant that Aang hadn't been captured, after all. Regardless of what Sokka had said earlier, part of Katara still worried that someone had captured Aang. He had been hunted for so long that they couldn't just brush off the possibility.
But if Momo was with Aang, then maybe it meant he wasn't in danger. Wherever he was, he was probably safe. Or so she hoped.
"That's just what Appa wants you to think," Sokka said, and started to climb inside Appa's mouth.
Zuko scowled. "Get out of the bison's mouth, Sokka," he snapped. "We have a real problem here. Aang is nowhere to be found, and the comet is only two days away."
"What should we do, Zuko?" Katara said. The former Fire Nation prince always turned up at the most inconvenient times back when he was still hunting Aang. If anyone could find Aang, it was Zuko.
"I don't know," he said
Now Toph and Suki were staring at Zuko, too.
"Why are you all looking at me?"
"Well, you are kind of the expert on tracking Aang," Katara said.
"Yeah, if anyone's got experience hunting the Avatar, it's you," Toph said.
Katara and the rest of the group followed June out of the tavern. Zuko had flown them to the Earth Kingdom to find the same bounty hunter he had hired to track down Aang at the abbey where her father's friend, Bato, had been staying. The bounty hunter's shirshu, a blind mole-like creature, could track down Aang with its sensitive nose no matter where he was. June and her shirshu were their best hope of finding Aang.
"Who's got something with the Avatar's scent on it?" June said.
Katara climbed up to Appa's saddle. "I have Aang's staff," she said as she pulled the staff out of the saddle and tossed it down to the bounty hunter.
June held the staff out for Nyla—the shirshu—to sniff. Nyla walked around in circles, alternating between sniffing the air and the ground. After a few minutes, the creature laid down with a whine and covered its nose.
"So what does that mean?" Zuko asked.
June was petting Nyla, as if to reassure the shirshu. "It means your friend's gone."
"We know he's gone. That's why we're trying to find him," Toph said in exasperation.
June stood up to face the group. "No, I mean he's gone gone. He doesn't exist."
Sokka frowned. "What do you mean, 'Aang doesn't exist?' Do you mean he's...you know, dead?"
June just shrugged. "Nope. We could find him if he were dead. Wow, it's a real head-scratcher." She jumped into Nyla's saddle and waved. "See ya."
"Wait. I have another idea," Zuko said. "There's only one other person in this world who can help us face the Fire Lord. I have a smell sample right here."
He pulled out a grimy sandal from his satchel.
Sokka, who was standing right next to Zuko, pinched his nose and backed away. "Ugh, you saved your uncle's stinky sandal? Gross!"
Nyla jumped forward and sniffed the sandal. "All right, let's do this," June said. The shirshu reared back and then galloped away with June riding on its back.
"Hey, wait up!" Zuko yelled, as he and the rest of the group scrambled aboard Appa.
"What did June mean when she said that Aang doesn't exist?" Toph said. "It doesn't make any sense."
Sokka rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Let's see…it means he definitely wasn't captured and he didn't run away. He's not in the spirit world, either. It's like he completely disappeared from our world."
A chill went through Katara. Completely disappeared… Her grip tightened on Aang's glider, which was resting across her lap. She had been holding onto the glider ever since June returned it to her.
"How can that be?" Suki said.
Sokka shrugged. "I don't know. I figure it must be an Avatar thing somehow."
"I know you said it's not possible, but maybe his body is in the spirit world, too," Toph said. "I mean, that's the only way he could disappear, right?"
"Hmmm. That's an interesting theory," Sokka said. "As far as we know, whenever Aang enters the spirit world, his body is left behind. But he's the Avatar, so maybe he's allowed to break the rules sometimes."
"How are we going to find him, then?" Katara said.
"No clue. I don't think we can," Sokka said.
"It feels like we're just giving up on him."
"We have no way to find him, Katara," her brother said. "It doesn't mean we're giving up on him. Besides, Aang is the Avatar. I'm sure he'll be fine."
"If you're so sure, then why are we searching for Zuko's uncle?"
Sokka shifted uncomfortably. "You know, in case Aang doesn't come back in time to fight the Fire Lord."
But Katara knew what he wasn't saying, what everyone was thinking. In case he doesn't come back. Not knowing where Aang was or what had happened to him was worse, in some ways, than if he had been captured. At least if he had been captured, they could track him down and rescue him. But he had vanished without a trace.
Maybe Toph was onto something—maybe both his body and spirit were in the spirit world. But what would that mean? Could he be trapped? Katara was certain Aang would do everything in his power to return. No matter how much he struggled with the idea of killing the Fire Lord, he would never run away from this battle, not when the fate of the entire world was at stake.
Then again, maybe what had happened to Aang had nothing to do with the spirit world. Like Sokka said, he was the Avatar. Unusual, supernatural things happened around him all the time. This was probably one of those times. But the circumstances surrounding his disappearance were so strange that Katara couldn't even begin to imagine what could have happened. It was as if he had walked into the ocean and never came back out. In her mind's eye, she saw Aang disappearing into the waves of the black, endless ocean. A tiny speck in the vast expanse, then he was gone. A cold dread seized Katara's heart.
"He'll come back," Katara said fiercely, pushing away the mental image of Aang swallowed up by the ocean. She had to believe he would come back. She had to hope. "I know he will."
Nobody argued with her. What would be the point? They didn't know any better than she did if Aang would come back or not.
But now that Aang was gone, Katara realized that his glider was the only thing she had left that belonged to him. She held the shaft of the glider about where she had seen Aang place his hands, trying to cling to the last traces of him by touching the things he had touched. But she wished she had something of his that she could carry with her as a memento, like she did with her mother's necklace.
Her fingers touched the carved stone pendant that hung just above the hollow of her throat. The necklace also reminded her of Aang, a little. Right from the beginning, he had been so attentive to how important it was to her. He had made a point of getting the necklace back from Zuko during the fight at the Earth Kingdom abbey. But even before that, while the necklace was still missing, Aang had woven a substitute necklace for her out of wildflowers and Sokka's fishing line. It was such a sweet gesture that Katara had happily worn his necklace until the flowers wilted and fell out. She saw now that he must have felt something for her—even if it was probably just a crush—early on in their friendship.
Katara never imagined that she would lose Aang like this, before they even set foot on the battlefield. His disappearance was so sudden, so unexpected. They never had the chance to talk before they would have to face the Fire Lord, like they did on the submarine before the invasion. Would they have kissed again, like they did back then? Probably not. Only a few days had passed since the night of the play, when he had been so pushy and kissed her when she did not expect or want him to. While they had made up, she had carefully kept her distance.
Katara wished they could have had the chance to talk, at least, just one more time. She would have told him that she still cared about him, that he was a dear friend, in spite of the difficulties they'd had recently. That she would always be there for him and have his back. That she knew they would win the war, fighting side by side.
But Aang had disappeared, and there was a good chance that Katara would never have the opportunity to say any of those things. Their last conversation hadn't even been a conversation, either. Instead, they had yelled at each other when Aang was wrestling with the idea that he had to kill the Fire Lord.
Aang was clearly agitated as he paced back and forth. "This goes against everything I learned from the monks. I can't just go around wiping out people I don't like."
"Sure you can. You're the Avatar. If it's in the name of keeping balance, I'm pretty sure the universe will forgive you," Sokka said in his characteristically flippant tone.
Aang slashed his hand to the side in anger. "This isn't a joke, Sokka! None of you understand the position I'm in!"
"Aang, we do understand," Katara said, trying to calm him down. Her heart ached to see him so torn by the prospect of killing the Fire Lord, but he needed to look beyond his personal qualms and do what had to be done. They were fighting a war. He could not afford to hesitate. "It's just..."
"Just what, Katara? What?" Aang snapped.
"We're trying to help!" she said, just as sharply.
But Aang didn't see it that way. "Then when you figure out a way for me to beat the Fire Lord without taking his life, I'd love to hear it!" he yelled, before stomping away.
Katara clenched her fists. "Aang, don't walk away from this!" Where was he going? They weren't finished talking. Did he think he could just yell at her and storm off?
She tried to follow after him, but Zuko stopped her. "Let him go," Zuko said. "He needs time to sort it out by himself."
"Are you all right?"
The sound of Suki's voice pulled Katara back to the present. "Yeah…I guess."
The other girl scooted closer. When they flew on Appa, the wind rushing past their ears sometimes made it hard to talk without shouting. Suki seemed to understand that whatever Katara was thinking about, it wasn't something that she wanted to broadcast to the rest of the group. But Katara wasn't in the mood to talk.
"It's about Aang, isn't it?"
Katara didn't say anything.
But Suki wasn't put off by Katara's silence. "We're all worried about him, too."
Katara opened her mouth to tell Suki that she just wanted to be alone, but instead she said, "I wish we hadn't yelled at each other last night. That's the last memory I have of him. Us arguing with each other."
She wrapped her arms around Aang's glider and held it closer. Saying her thoughts out loud released something inside of her, and the words started pouring out on their own. "I thought about what you said to me the other day, about saying goodbye on good terms. I went to talk to him after that, and we worked things out. But I wish Aang and I hadn't yelled at each other like that yesterday. I never even had the chance to say goodnight."
Suki gave her a sympathetic look. "But like you said, he'll come back. I think you're right about that. You'll have the chance to make up when you see him again."
"I hope so." Katara sighed. "It's just that…it seems like these days, we're always trying to make up for one reason or another." Constantly making up for past mistakes was not what she wanted for her relationship with Aang.
"Going through a rough patch?"
We're not together, Katara wanted to say, but she didn't bother. By this point, nothing she said was going to change Suki's opinion about her and Aang being a couple. "You could say that," she said instead.
But maybe Suki could give her some ideas about how she and Aang could settle things between them so they weren't always playing tug-of-war with each other's emotions. "You know, I was wondering…before you left us at the Serpent's Pass, when you talked to my brother, what did you say? What did you talk about?"
Suki hugged her knees to her chest. "I told him how I felt, and that I was sorry for assuming he wanted to be together with me. And then he…" She blushed at this point. "He showed me how he felt. He kissed me. That's when we both knew, without a doubt, how we felt about each other."
He showed her how he felt… Katara wondered if that was why Aang had kissed her at the invasion, and on the night of the play. To show her how he felt about her. When she thought about it, he had always been showing her how he felt, in so many little ways. Maybe he had tried to tell her before, too, but perhaps she hadn't noticed, or maybe she had thought his words meant something else. But when he wanted her to know without a doubt, when it seemed like he wouldn't get another chance, he had showed her—by kissing her.
And she had showed him, too, that day on the submarine, when she kissed him back.
All the words she had been using to tell herself that they were just friends, that she couldn't possibly be in love with him, that she didn't have the space to think about them—in the end, her words couldn't keep her real feelings from overflowing. Katara finally understood what she felt, when they kissed at the invasion, and now. She was in love with Aang.
Part of her knew she was in love all along. That was the part that didn't overthink or overanalyze or use words, but instead was always trying to show how she felt. All those times she had found excuses to talk to him, touch him, or just be close to him. All those times she had thought about kissing Aang, even before the invasion.
No wonder it had been so hard to get close to him, lately, without crossing the line to becoming something more than just friends.
No wonder he thought she would return his feelings. Because that's what she had been doing all along, as hard as she tried not to.
"I think…I think I know how I feel about Aang," Katara said.
Suki's mouth curved into a smile, which then grew into a grin. "I'm glad you were able to figure it out," she said.
"Yeah." Katara tried not to, but she couldn't help smiling, either. Then she blushed, realizing that she just basically admitted to Suki that she and Aang had kissed before.
I wish we could have kissed one more time. The thought surprised her, since the memory of him kissing her at the play—the kiss that had felt so wrong—was still fresh in her mind.
But she was starting to understand why he had acted the way he did that night. Aang was being selfish—that much was true—but he had also been desperately afraid that he was going to lose her. So he tried to show her how he felt, the best way he knew how. And he clearly thought she would return his kiss, like she did on the day of the invasion. He never intended to make her uncomfortable or overstep her boundaries. When they talked about it in his room, he knew he had made a mistake, and he felt genuinely sorry about it. But Katara hadn't fully forgiven him for it, even though she had said she did.
She was ready to forgive him now—completely forgive him. But she couldn't tell him that, because he was gone. Aang had to disappear for me to understand how he felt that night at the play…and for me to understand how I feel about him. The thought filled Katara with regret. Her fears about losing Aang had kept her from facing her feelings, from thinking about a future with him in it. But now that she had actually lost him, it was too late. She had left too much unsaid.
"I wish I could have told him how I feel, before he disappeared," she told Suki. I wish we could have kissed again, in a way that feels right.
Suki gave her a knowing smile. "I'm sure he already knows. But you'll get your chance, after he comes back."
Katara hoped Suki was right. She hoped Aang was going to come back. She hoped it wasn't too late.