Chapter 20: The In-Between
A/N: And now, the moment you've all been waiting for!
While most people wouldn't consider it to be that big of a deal. Awkward car silences are known to be some of the worst things in the world to have to deal with. There's nothing that comes to mind where small talk is concerned and John has never been that much of a chatterbox anyway. All you can do is lean your head on the window and embrace the moment, the silence included. Added, you should've been paying attention for clues on the destination rather than trying to find ways to ignore how quiet the inside of the car is. Naturally, you're too stubborn to ask and John himself, probably wasn't keen on disclosing the location until you arrived.
Talk about a lost cause.
Per John's instructions, you slipped on some comfortable, nondescript clothing and followed him right out the door. All of it done wordlessly of course. But that wasn't even remotely surprising. The fact remains that even with spoken apologies from both ends, the situation between you and John could still be considered precarious in a manner of speaking.
Whatever the case, you need to get out of the mess of anxious thoughts that is your current state of mind. If riding in the car with John could alleviate that in a way then who are you to turn it down? However, a considerable amount of uneasiness still clung to you.
The ride lasts for a good thirty to forty-five minutes since John isn't on his Nascar shit tonight.
You didn't know where you were going, especially at this time of night. It's only when John slows the car to a stop and puts it in park do you lean up from your semi-slouched position in the passenger seat. There were a number of places he could've taken you - the beach being one you certainly wouldn't have bet on. You stiffened, your sulking demeanor dissipating in favor of object curiosity. You proceeded to aimlessly scan the surroundings.
After removing himself from the car, John comes around to assist you in doing the same before enclosing his hand over yours. He starts to lead you down a long strip of walkway that turns into sand. Obviously he has a specific place in mind unbeknownst to you. You quietly followed him down the endless sandy dunes that covered the beach all the way until you were only a couple of feet from the shoreline. At this time of night, the beach is unusually barren and devoid of people, therefore providing a perfect venue for...whatever this might be. On some level, the location has you questioning just what's going on. Why has he brought you to this place at this particular time of night? It couldn't be any later than seven in the evening.
In the distance, you notice a well-lit area up ahead. One that manages to catch your attention and amplify your confusion.
No matter how many times you glance over at him for answers, he provides none. With his face of reserved nature, composed countenance, and neatly trimmed beard, John remains a master of purposeful silence.
In places up north like New York, temperatures are known to drop significantly at night only tonight didn't seem to carry its usual cold snap. In fact, tonight's weather mimicked the low sixty degree weather from earlier in the day and honestly, you're grateful for it. In other parts of New York, it's moderately dark, but here the sun is currently still in the process of setting. As luck would have it, tonight was one of those nights where it wasn't deathly cold and the wind wasn't as disrespectful. Consequently, it made for perfect picnic weather, at least for a short time. You suppose you have global warming to thank for that, as harmful and scary as it is.
Having a picnic on the beach in the middle of November to most would be an absurd thought. But you have to admit, the skyline looks incredibly beautiful from your vantage point. The shore-set is picturesque. The sky bathed the waters in a kaleidoscope of beautiful light, allowing you to take in the ambience of the environment along with the scale of intense closeness and privacy. You estimate that it won't take long for the sunset to transition into darkness.
The ocean was surprisingly calm and no doubt teeming with life. The fresh oceanic air filled your lungs pleasantly, only a hint of salt mixed in. The wind is mild and the candles are putting up a pretty good fight against it.
You find it difficult to turn away from all the decorations. This was very strategic of him and you have no choice but to commend his efforts. Him doing something like this for you says a lot.
You're absolutely floored by what you were seeing and you can't believe that someone would take the time and effort to do something like this for you. It's not about the location or money, it's merely the attempt to detail for you. Not to mention that arranging the entire setup had to be planned ahead of time. Yesterday, you both simply went your separate ways, you to a hair appointment and him to God knows where. The point being that he had ample amount of time to put something like this together.
In all frankness, you'd never been to the beach at night before and you couldn't have imagined that it would look so breathtaking. This is a private space constructed for you and him and that makes it all the more special and you find that you actually prefer this over a dinner date.
The setup itself was so romantically spontaneous. Laid out over the sand was a thick oversized blanket with fluffy small cushions littered around the space. They added a comfy, relaxing touch to the already amorous display. Undeniably, the setting is more casual than a fancy dinner per say but still just as intimate. It's just you and him. Unbothered with nothing but the sound of water lapping on the shore. Even the view itself is stunning. It's a view you could never appreciate in its entirety but you try your hardest nonetheless.
Glancing at him once more, you find nothing but warmth reflecting in those deep brown eyes of his.
As you went back to staring dumbly at the display before you, a steady warmth flowed through you. After all this time, haven't you earned the right to luxuriate in all the things he's done for you. And there's just something about being at the beach at night as opposed to during the day.
While you were at a loss for words, there were infinite thoughts going through your mind.
"John I - I don't understand." You whispered.
"As I stated before, we have much to discuss." The silence usually associated with him would not be present tonight. John elegantly takes a seat on the surface of the blanket, surely expecting you to follow suit to which you do. For a few seconds, you sit in stunned silence, waiting patiently to see if he would initiate the conversation first since you were unsure of how to start.
Immediately there's a gnawing curiosity about what he brought you here to discuss, though you think you might know deep down. At some point you suppose, you're going to have to talk about it. The 'it' being your recent falling out the day before. The issue seems to stem from the fact that he didn't want you venturing places while he was away. When he wasn't on assignment, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. You wouldn't be surprised if his reasoning was that he was hiding you from the world.
"I kind of got confused when you said we'd talk about it but we knew we didn't." You let out a humorless laugh, if only to add levity to the tension.
"I only restricted you while I was gone. I consider myself lenient in those aspects...had I truly had it my way, you would never leave the house until I returned." He clarified, his voice resolute. "Though I knew that at some point, simply providing no explanation would cause some issues. I was soon proven correct."
Straight away, your eyebrows drew down in a disapproving fashion.
"Are you trying to call me spoiled?"
He fixed a knowing look on you but did not bother to audacity of him to act like it's not his fault you were the way you were. From him, it's so chaste and unassuming that you almost don't catch it - his degree of sophistication is something to be emulated.
A loud grumble from your stomach interrupted the conversation and heat rushed up your neck out of sheer embarrassment. In your defense, it's been a while since you've eaten. John doesn't say anything nor does he appear bothered by the bodily reaction, he merely raises a brow before his hand slides over to a basket which he sits in front of you. To your great surprise, the basket is filled with neatly cut, little sandwiches and fruit - the aroma of both just about had your mouth watering. Evidently, you're more hungry than you thought you were.
For the most part, the food seemed to do it's part in abiding your hunger, especially the sandwiches. You don't exactly know why sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them. Anyhow, his actions have brought you immense comfort. If you thought he couldn't get any more kinder, then you were surely wrong.
When he was assured that you were listening, the man spoke to you in a transparent, pointed tone of voice.
"After the first kidnapping incident, I knew that other precautions had to be put into place to prevent it from happening a second time." You quietly watched as his eyes narrowed while he spoke. For a man that barely engages with emotion, he clearly felt very strongly about this. It seemed that you getting kidnapping had affected him more than it affected you. "You should not have left my sight."
At first, you thought it was just a primate instinct of a man wanting to proclaim ownership over a woman. Not once had you considered that it might've been a myriad of things you just weren't privy to. He's a very compassionate man underneath that stoic exterior that never seems to falter. Still, you have yet to see a degree of neuroticism in him and his emotional stability has never been a concern for you and you're actually pretty relieved to hear him say it.
The intentions behind his previous actions made perfect sense now. You thought as you continued nibbling on the food quietly while he talked. You only remember fragments from that night but you vaguely recalled how attentive he was when he brought you back to his house and insisted that you stay overnight.
"The men that took you ran a thriving trafficking operation for their superior. Destroying that severely cripples the monetary gain and reputation of the organization that they were employed under."
After going through four mini sandwiches and a few pieces of fruit, you stared out at the tranquil waters, you remaining quiet but hanging onto every word. He's giving you some much needed insight since you clearly know nothing about how these things operate. Getting involved with him, you knew that there were things you had to be mindful of - only those 'things' had never been made clear to you upfront. That's where much of the confusion lies.
"I don't understand. Didn't you already take care of it? Aren't they all, you know...dead?"
It felt so strange saying the word. And you hated how detached and cruel you sounded. As terrible as they were, those men were still human beings that had their life snuffed out like it was nothing. However, it's important to remember all of those terrible things you'd seen and heard while in captivity. Those men were monsters who ultimately deserved their fate. No sympathy should be afforded to them. But it's also important to remember that you were the reason why John tore through that warehouse in the first place.
His smooth voice reached your ears once again. "They are...but it is not them I'm concerned about."
Your brows rose up intently. It's at this point where you realized where you've been going wrong the whole time. You spent all this time playing mental olympics just for a curveball like this to be thrown at you. You've been searching for a normal excuse for a normal man and in the process forgotten that John isn't normal by any stretch of the imagination. Both carried very different implications and there wasn't a way of telling which was worse than the other.
As of now, the golden rays of the setting sun were nearly obscured by clouds and a rapidly darkening sky.
"What?"
John went about giving you a direct elucidation in his collected mien. "Like any functioning business. There are expendable men and resources. The men I killed were insignificant and others will be sent to replace them."
Send replacements? What the hell was going on in the sleepless city of New York you wondered.
John continued before you ask the question yourself. "But actions are not without consequence."
Oh you see now.
While he didn't go into detail, you're able to get the gist of what he was subtly implying nonetheless. With poignant realization, you end up grappling with the possibility that someone might retaliate against him for what he did that night and you stand a chance of getting caught in the crossfire should it actually take place. He didn't want that to happen and hell, you'd be lying if you said you were not of a sound mind. Just the thought of that happening is scary. To think that someone might choose to go after you because of your close association with him made quite the disturbing notion.
Right away, your mind went back to the night that man followed you and your friends to a different club and assaulted you in the bathroom. In all likelihood, if such an incident were to happen again, you probably wouldn't be able to protect yourself against the threatening party.
"It is expressly forbidden to harm civilians." He curtly informed.
It took you a few moments to comprehend what those words implied. "Am I what's considered a civilian?"
He inclined his head.
"So...are you saying that they might…" You trailed off, too afraid to say the words but desperate to make sense of it all. Since you already made the decision not to filter what you had to say nor run away from how you felt, it's best to gain a better sense of the situation by asking the right questions. "Should I be worried?"
"Not at the moment."
"What do I need to do?" You asked eagerly, shifting uncomfortably. "I want to be able to protect myself if something happens."
John arched a lone brow. "Nothing. As long as I draw breath, you will remain protected."
Straight away, you could tell he meant every word but unfortunately that's not what you wanted to hear. "I know but.."
A finger places itself at your lips.
"I would not have you be afraid to ask anything of me. If I were not involved with his life, I would be open to the prospect. But that isn't the case." His reserved timbre explained.
"I know that being confined for a time is an unpleasant and unfamiliar experience for you. However, you must be willing to endure such restrictions unless indicated otherwise. Until the perceived threat has been dealt with. It is merely a matter of safety." His tone remained level and impassive.
The words are comprehensible but they also possess different meanings. Dates and conventional things of that nature are off limits to him. To you. Various acts of normality cannot be afforded under any circumstance. That includes having a family and loved ones.
Even being seen around him by the wrong people could draw unnecessary attention. The last thing you wanted was to become a burden to him. Now you see how this might be hard for him. John himself was bound by a number of honor codes that dictates how he lives his unpredictable life. All this time, you've spent giving him the cold shoulder and casting doubt over what you had with him because of superficial things and he was busy putting you and your safety first. It's hard not to feel foolish - hard not to be wracked with considerable guilt.
The moonlight shining down on the two of you could only be described as ethereal.
The planes of his face were serious and there was hardly a time where it wasn't. While he spoke, his expression remained detached and neutral though you could assume that he was probably feeling the opposite - it was never like him to let it show however. "Emotions are sometimes difficult for me, however, there has never been a time where I was not honest with them. "
The heaviness of his words made your body go stiff; you couldn't believe just how open he was being with you.
John looks over at you with keen eyes. "I have done what many would consider very dangerous for a man in my position...I have taken you as a lover. In my profession, it is not something commonly done, as any relationship with a civilian can pose a risk. In doing this, I acknowledge that I have placed you and potentially those close to you in a degree of moral danger."
"Then why? If it's forbidden then why would you do this? Why break all the rules if it's gonna turn out bad? Why...why get involved with me?" You whispered, your voice raw with emotion.
Those same brown eyes have softened. "You were made aware of what I am from the beginning and yet…"
"Having this conversation with you is...difficult. I am not a man you should continue an intimate relationship with. Such a thing could turn out to be your biggest mistake later down the road. It would benefit you to cut ties with me. For your own sake - it's much safer this way. That is why I'm advising you to…"
"...Don't. Please don't say it." Your eyes had to show what you were feeling.
What the hell did he think he was trying to convince you to do? Leave? Find someone else?
It took you a minute to compose yourself to the point where you felt like you weren't going to suddenly break out in tears. "I'm not letting anything or anyone run me away from you. I've literally witnessed you shoot people in the head with my own eyes. And you think something like this is going to run me away? Nah. I'm not going anywhere." You answered, wiping away a stray tear that had escaped.
"Milaya." His intense gaze arrests yours and you can't look away even if you wanted to. "You are the most precious thing to me, in the entire world. That is why you must live."
You've seen him in a few different contexts: the emotionless contract killer and the lover you only think you've begun to learn predict how he thinks or what his actions might entail. And you're both impulsive at times but not without fault. You get the logical reasoning behind what he's trying to get you to understand. This is about you making smarter decisions and he could entrust you to do that. The man is a professional who can't afford to get his extremely private, personal life mixed in with business. You have no idea what his life as an assassin was like before you came into the picture but you know it wasn't glamorous. You imagine it's something he wants to keep to himself. Forgetting is one thing...but it's safe to assume that you're his only link to the normal world.
After all this time, you hadn't once considered the consequences or implications behind becoming involved with a man like him. In all honesty, you'd temporarily forgotten everything else in your prolonged state of blissful contentment with him. You've spent time sleeping with and playing house with him for months on end. Frankly, he shouldn't have to remind you that you both live in two different worlds; the realization never stopped being disheartening. For you it was a tough pill to swallow - to know that you could never really acknowledge or express your love for him publicly.
It's far too difficult for him to remain your lover and a professional death-dealer as both are not mutually exclusive and therefore cannot exist simultaneously. It's a jarring revelation but one you'll just have to come to terms with.
"Keeping you close has always been of great importance to me. Though we haven't known each other for long, you have become a person I've begun to treasure as my significant other." He expressed with a muted calm.
From that point on, you didn't think you could hear anything else, not even your own heartbeat. There was nothing but static. You seemed frozen in time at the moment. Though you found yourself not caring - not when he's practically admitted that your feelings are not one-sided. Honestly, his sweet, heartfelt actions all around you should've been evidence enough. Butterflies start fluttering wildly in your stomach. In that moment, your eyes darted to find his, your shock more apparent now.
Had John officially confirmed that you both were in an official romantic relationship? An actual item? Have you heard right? Was this moment even real?
On some level, to hear those heartfelt words come from his mouth after all the time you've spent waiting can only be described as an overwhelming feeling. Simply describing the sudden rush of feelings as shock doesn't seem right. Your heart immediately catapulted in your chest, feeling like it might just explode. It's already been established that you both have gone well beyond what's acceptable for a casual hookup.
His calm utterance was as close to a real admission as you could ever hope to get out of the emotionally withdrawn man. Your heart could've quite literally stopped in that instant.
Suddenly, you're fighting the urge to cry. At long last, the confirmation that what you have isn't one-sided or conditional. It feels strangely surreal. Falling in love with him could definitely be considered an entanglement on an enormous scale but one you can't ever seeing yourself regretting.
When you finally regain some of your bearings, John's darkly handsome face is staring intensely at you, clearly your shocked expression has given him enough cause to worry. He's always so chill that it's comical when he's anything but that.
"Are you well?" He asks, a warm hand cupping your face.
You've learned a lot tonight - learned that danger might be lurking on the horizon, that he can't be with you in the way you want him to, learned that he feels for you just as strongly as you feel for him. Maintaining your relationship presents danger but it's obvious that you're not willing to let him go and he's not inclined to do the same. As fucked as the situation might seem, the latter made you feel slightly better than you suppose you should.
Up until this point, John's mode of living never bothered you but now you wish that he could be something else other than an accomplished contract killer. It probably sounded selfish but you were just being truthful. You had no clue that the basis of the relationship would change as quickly as it did. You've accepted that you were firmly knee deep in what you had with him but now that didn't seem accurate anymore - it was more like you were in up to your chest. Now, it's awfully apparent that you crave him, his devotion, his love, his commitment. You want it all. Everything he has to offer. Perhaps even more than that...
You promptly answer him with a teary smile.
You don't much remember coming home, just being laid on the bed with hands caressing all over your body. All you wanted to do now was oversee the needs of your private, introverted lover and have yours seen to in turn. John has turned you into such a pillow princess, all you do is chill and orgasm. You love how he treats you like you're small and delicate. Getting spoiled unprovoked is nice. Honestly, it's the best.
He wasn't overly concerned with saying too much tonight and remained focused on only one particular goal. Pleasantly soft lips repeatedly made contact with yours before he started pressing open mouth kisses at the juncture of your throat before transitioning to nimble lightly at your collarbone. His distinctive, manly scent is working to throw your hormones out of whack and there was never a time where the heat of his body on yours wasn't welcome.
You can feel your panties dampening while John was sensually kissing your lips as he fondled you. Your hands work at his pants while he kisses you, cupping the hardness there. Now you were both fondling each other. You pull him free from the confines of his pants minutes later, marveling at the feel of the veined flesh beneath your fingertips.
His eyes seemed to darken in that instant as he ensnared you in his searing gaze and you were getting wetter by the second. In response, your shirt is removed and the bra underneath is pulled aside for more access.
He lapped at the sensitive peak before suckling at the pert brown nipple and tracing the areola with a hot, wet tongue. During his ministry, both hands come up to cup both your breasts, lightly squeezing them. A tinge of pain made you hiss and pull away from under his grasp - the soft mound of your breast heaving along with your chest. John blinks in slight surprise at your reaction even though you're just as surprised as him. "That...hurts."
He seems to make note of your reaction before letting his head dip to continue supplying them with the needed attention, albeit more gently this time around. He kisses you as a shift apology and resumes where he left off. His tongue traced the contours of your neck, tracing light-feather kisses down the path of your ribcage to your abdomen then toward your heaving stomach.
Your stomach tightened as he reached down to prod at your panty-covered mound, wanting him to put his hot mouth in the desired place.
He got rid of every article of clothing that impeded his gaze. At the sight of your exposed cunt, John hand gripped tight around the base of his shaft. To your surprise, the hitman didn't bother drinking up the flowing juices from your now engorged, throbbing pussy. Without any pretense or build up, John dipped right into your slick cavern, pillowy warmth surrounding his dick.
You took in a full breath of air, having not expected him to enter so suddenly.
A whispery sigh left your lips, igniting instant flames of desire in your lower half.
You don't think such an action from him was planned, rather he just wanted to feel you and couldn't hold out any longer. John didn't do more, he just pressed right into that spot that made your legs squeeze tightly around his waist.
Evidently, he had other plans tonight.
Without much of a warning, John is expertly flipping you unto your front, securing a grip on your hips that keeps them hitched with the air. Obviously he's starting to favor this position more and more. Having not expected this, you're both confused and intrigued on what his intention might be - especially since he wouldn't let you finish beforehand. Despite that, it doesn't douse the pang of excitement you feel.
He made sure to keep your slender thighs spread apart. Two of the hitman's thick fingers slipped into the entrance of your pussy, instantly gaining a steady fingering rhythm. Your hips rose toward the moving dexterous fingers, your wet channel clamping around the fingers. The filthiness of the act has your head spinning.
It was obscene, perverse.
Why would God allow him to be so good with his mouth? He barely even uses it to speak.
He lapped at your asshole hungrily, tongue diving straight into the tight ring of muscles located between your round globes. This is the second time he's done this to you and it's not less explosively pleasurable than the first go around. All while his moist digits worked into your clenching channel. The dual sensation makes you gasp out for air and your eyes involuntarily clamp themselves shut.
This goes on for a near five minutes until you're soon placed back in your original position on your back. The change in equilibrium is hift but one you adjust to daily quickly. All of a sudden, you're not sure what's about to happen.
Between your thighs is the biggest, wettest mess you've ever seen.
"Would you like more?" He asked, exploring hands massaging the round globes of your ass. The feel of his warm shaft pressing against you had snatched up all your attention.
You know full well that that question entailed - what he was politely asking. While it took you a moment to gauge his intentions and you'd be lying if you said you weren't reluctant. Trepidation in its purest form revealed itself in that moment. Looking at him, you can clearly see that he still awaited your reaction.
Your heartbeat quickened to a concerning degree, your mind is insultingly slow at processing. "I...um.."
He could sense your apprehension right away. "If you are afraid, we don't have to do it tonight."
Of all the times, he's left you breathless; this had to have the most impact.
"No, I want to do it. I'm just a little nervous, that's all." You quietly voiced your anxiety. All you can do is try to gather up your nerves in preparation. You know that there will be pain. For a long time, you believed anal sec was just something coveted for the pleasure and benefit of men. You never actually thought you'd be exploring this part of sexual activity but being with a man like John will have you doing the unthinkable.
"Lie back."
Him using that deep commanding voice was like him exploiting your greatest weakness. How could he sound both sensual and dangerous all at once. As a direct result, you couldn't even think of how to respond since he's essentially preparing to penetrate you with his daunting manhood. The only problem was his tree trunk of a dick. The truth of the matter was that you didn't think you were mentally prepared enough to take a dick up the ass.
It's pretty much common knowledge that you have to be a pretty strong woman to do anal, especially if you're dealing with a dick the same size of your forearm. Honestly speaking, it's not the length you're worried about, it's the girth. And you like your insides intact. In addition to that, you don't think your asshole can handle all that he had to give but your mama didn't raise no bitch. And for that reason you're as docile and vulnerable as a kitten laying there on the bed looking up at him with pleading eyes.
You stilled, watching as the man procured a small bottle from the nightstand, the contents of which are plainly obvious. John then began a slow process of applying the clear substance from the base to the very tip of his shaft with a single hand, the fluid motion of his hand thoroughly enthralling - his brow set in deep concentration. Undoubtedly, the overall purpose of his actions were to spread the liquid over his manhood but you couldn't help but make the heated observation that it looked as though he was simply masturbating over you. Your arousal skyrocketed instantly. The sight is as jarring as it is erotic but you didn't possess the willpower to turn away.
"Are you sure it's enough?" You asked innocently.
"I have more." He assures, producing another bottle of lube. In what little you know, clearly making sure that you were properly prepared and lubricated beforehand was important. He knew this. Has he done this before?
He seems crazy prepared for this and you wonder how long he's been waiting to do this to you. John had already expressed an interest in exploring sexual acts with your backside before so this really shouldn't come as a surprise. With this, you and him would be entering uncharted sexual territory. Only this time, the man would be inserting something much bigger than his fingers. Whether you could relax enough to receive it was the real question. Funny thing is...you'd kinda already agreed to go through with it. Already, your body was starting to heat up from adrenaline and you had to draw in a shuddering breath.
A pillow is situated under your backside for support, presenting your hips up at an angle for him.
"Breathe." He instructed, pressing the engorged tip up against your slick, puckered entrance.
Controlling your breathing and maintaining a hold on the sheets might serve as adequate grounding methods. Soon your heart is beating in tandem with his.
John initiates the process of sheathing himself in you inch by glorious inch, the resisting flesh parting and giving way to his manhood. The pain surged up from your lower muscles up into your stomach, almost causing your brain to short-circuit. You equated it to the feeling of losing your virginity all over again.
"Uhhh...shit. I can't...it's too much!" You wailed, starting to squirm for some form of relief. It feels like he's stretching you to the point where you think you might be split in half. The delicate muscles trying to lock in a desperate attempt to keep his pulsating shaft from entering further. Shockingly, your lover made a low sound deep in his throat that honestly shocked you.
Having successfully seated himself inside of you, the hitman waited to give you some time to adjust and grow accustomed to the girthy pressure. "Relax." He whispered in your left ear, warm hands sliding over the curve and dip of your round hips.
You were trying but it was so hard to do so in your current state. The small tinges pain was persistent, throbbing with much of the discomfort still lingering.
The man had his head tilted down, inspecting your expression and bodily responses accordingly. "Are you still in pain?" He asks softly, eyes concerned at the distressed face you're making while you writhe underneath him. He's obviously wary of causing you pain, even with his study chest pressing heavily against yours.
You desperately want to grit out a "yes" but you can't even manage the word. All you can do is focus your energy on trying to adjust. Hell, you're not even breathing correctly. There's nothing you can do to pretend you weren't currently fighting for your life. It wasn't intolerable, it was just...a lot.
While you tried to adjust, he moved his hips in slow grind, possibly in an attempt to provide a bit of a distraction. In your haze, you barely started to register the motion of his hand on your clit, expertly circling it with a thumb. He always paid close attention to your vulva peeking out from the folds. One could call it multitasking by way of rubbing your clitorous while he fucked your tensing back entrance.
He started to ease out, establishing a process of hilting himself over and over again, thrusting in smooth, fluid motions. The gentle buck of his hips was dizzying. Each shallow thrust is slow and measured. "How does it feel now?"
"It's heavy...you're heavy." Even in your fucked out state of mind, you're too inexperienced at this to know what to expect next. Because here, under these circumstances, size does matter.
Against your will, your hand flew up to grip at his shoulder, a sob leaving your lips. The feeling is agonizing. You sure as hell weren't trying to ruin the mood by screaming like a banshee but how could you not? You're sure that you're going to have stomach and intestinal problems tomorrow. You're grateful that he's not ramming into you but you know he wouldn't do that during your first time anyway - it speaks volumes to his pristine conduct with you.
Even as he commenced slow, deliberate pumps into your parted rosebud, your fingernails started to dig into the skin of his shoulders; you weren't trying to hurt him but you couldn't help it. You're just holding onto him for dear life while he puts pressure on your sensitive walls, fucking into your stretched rear end with forceful lunge of his hips. And you can't do anything but take it. Your eyes fluttered shut, clawing his skin like you were challenging Halle Berry for the mantles of catwoman.
He'd unknowingly hit a sensitive spot tucked inside of your rectal walls that had you feeling like you were orbiting fucking Saturn. And your nails dig even more harshly into the man's shoulders, tears streaming down your cheeks in rivets. What is it with him making you cry with pleasure?
Oh shit. Were you shaking?
It appeared that you probably were causing him some pain since he would have none of it. John's hands left your hips to secure both your wrists in his hand before they were situated above your head. His brown orbs darkened the longer he stared down at your panting, moaning frame on the bed. When he got you where he wanted you, the thrusts subsequently quickened in response to his perusal. The build-up of ecstasy is overwhelming.
"Please...
When your mouth fell open once more, John took the golden opportunity to slip his searching tongue into the warm recesses of your mouth. With his tongue tracing the curvature of your full open lips, hot shallow breaths fanning over your own mouth. By now, it's impossible to regain your lost composure.
Was it supposed to feel this good?
Both of your waists were wet and smacking together obstreperously. The murky fluids of your arousal mixed heavily with the applied lubrication coated John's pelvis, creating the lewd smacking noise that would haunt you for many a night to come. The combined sounds are pornograhic. Him deep stroking your insides caused heat to coalesce in your stomach. He was getting better at hitting that one spot that made you quiver frantically. The intensity of his strokes had you whining loudly, your head turning left and right on the pillow.
"Ahhh! I...love you! I love you!" You cried out, unable to control his strangled cries.
You don't realize you're dazed and completely out of it until John's warm hand comes up to cup your cheek. There's concern in his gaze about your current state of mind. By this point, you're barely hanging on, with both of your undulating bodies slick with sweat. You ended up arching your chest upwards from the bed, slightly throwing him off from the pacing. The one place he's hitting inside of you has your entire body singing with delight.
John didn't seem bothered by it however. As he politely readjusted the arch, plunging deep into your suffocating hole, moving your downward hips in time with his swollen length. Afterwards, the man began a devastating strategy of military pressing into you, inadvertently causing your weeping cunt to sluice him in juices. The speed of his thrust varied based on the sounds that come out of your mouth, working you to the point of exertion. You're embarrassingly loud. Louder than those adult swim commercials that came on at three in the morning.
"I'm gonna cum! You're gonna make me cum!"
John grasped a delicate hold of your jaw, maneuvering your face the way he wanted. In your glassy-eyed, almost lifeless state of mind, you're able to make out the sheer masculine desire painted all over your lover's ravishing visage.
To see a man always so perfectly put together come undone like this is simply spellbinding. Engaging in such a dirty, passionate act, the two of you were susceptive than an even deeper connection than you would've thought possible. It felt better than good and that knot in your stomach was about to unravel.
A flash of bright light happens behind your eyelids and something that feels like electricity whips through you fast. With your vision halfway blurred, you were practically blind through the experience climax. You sagged weakly on the bed, all limbs feeling as limp as noodles. An experience like this currently topped the list of all illicit things you've had with him sexually. Your lower half will probably be out of commission for days.
Much to your surprise, John had not seen fit to pull your depths, nor had the heated desire faded from deep with view.
"Stay awake." He said, placing a chaste kiss on your swollen lips. "We are not done…"
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