Author's Note: This first chapter is mostly a setup chapter showing the point of divergence. I tweaked a few details from the beginning of season 13 to fit the AU a little better.

Title taken from "Message to God" by Little Birdy.

If Olivia thought about it very hard at all – which was easy to do – she could still smell the acrid stench of spilled blood and gun residue that permeated her memories of the day Jenna Fox had come into their squad room and opened fire. The day that Elliot did one of the most difficult things any of them would ever have to do – intentionally fire his gun at a teenager riding high on her emotions and kill her, in order to protect the rest of them.

It was as if a piece of his soul left his body that day; he had to have been picturing one of his daughters in Jenna's place, and she couldn't fathom the emotional toll it must have taken on him.

Hushed whispers, theories and rumors made their way around the squad in the days that immediately followed, with no way to back up how true they were: Elliot gave his statement to IAB. Elliot turned in his badge and gun, but not before telling Tucker to go fuck himself with it. Elliot transferred to another borough, another division – Olivia had always privately wondered why someone who lived in Queens would commute all the way to Manhattan for a police job, anyway. Elliot ran off to Italy, or some other far-off place. Elliot was drowning himself at the bottom of a countless parade of beer bottles, if not something stronger. Elliot would be back after a suspension period. Elliot was taking all his banked vacation days and would be back after that.

And they always looked to Olivia – his partner, his other half, the person who knew him the best of anyone – as if she should have the answers and truth that they all sought.

Truth was, she didn't know any better than the rest of them what was going on with Elliot. And that was what pissed her off.

If anyone had the right to know where he was, she was the person. Not any of the rest of the busybodies who only cared about him once his name was the one on everyone's lips. She was the one who cared about him when no one else gave a damn.

"Look, Olivia, you know I'd tell you if I heard anything concrete about Stabler," Cragen told her, as he closed the door to his office behind her one day. "I keep getting the runaround from the higher-ups whenever I ask for information."

"It's been over a month," she stated. Five weeks and two days, if she was being precise, which he didn't need to know the accuracy of her precision. Five weeks and two days that they'd been short by one skilled detective, and even though the new girl Rollins wasn't a replacement for Elliot, she sure felt like one. "You said they determined it was a good shot." He might have saved my life. If that's not a good shot, I don't know what is.

"It was. It's still his decision if he wants to come back after that. You make the conscious decision each day to wake up, clip your badge to your belt and come into work to defend the people in this city, and for over twenty years, he made the same one. And now –"

"And now, he's not."

"That's his decision to make, and his alone." He looked at Olivia, and she swore she could see some softness in his tough exterior. "But I know how close you two are."

She could only nod. If she opened her mouth, she didn't know if she could be held liable for what she said next. Close doesn't begin to describe it. She wet her lips with the edge of her tongue and stared at Cragen. "I'm sure you didn't bring me in here just to give me an update on the lack of an update on Elliot."

"You're right. With all the eyes that are on us right now from 1PP, and with Stabler doing – well, whatever Stabler is doing – they're sending in a temporary detective. He's been wanting a transfer out of Warrants for a while, and I guess the brass feels like this is as good of an assignment as any."

"You're kidding." They were already dealing with this Rollins girl and her quirks, and now they were going to have to train someone else. She was a detective, for crying out loud, not a kindergarten teacher. She wasn't here to hold their hands and teach them how to color in the lines, SVU-style. She was there to protect and serve to the best of her abilities, and these damn rookies were going to cramp that ability.

Not that she could do it with quite the same flair without Elliot there beside her, but damn it if she wasn't fully capable otherwise.

He frowned at her. "I don't expect you to like the situation, especially when we're still waiting for answers on Stabler. But I do expect you to accept it, and to treat Rollins and this, uh," he looked down at the papers scattered across his desk, "Detective Amaro with the respect they deserve."

"Understood, Captain."

"You're dismissed."

He was right. She didn't have to like it, but she could learn to accept it. It didn't sound like she had any alternative, at least not if she wanted to keep her job without disciplinary action.

Acceptance would come easier though if she would at least hear from Elliot: all she wanted was to know that he was okay, and alive, and at least remembered who she was and what they meant to each other. Anything else would be a bonus at this point.

The mailbox is full and cannot accept anymore messages at this time.

One sentence, in an automated woman's voice, and she knew her world could never be the same again.

He knew where to find her, if he wanted her, but she was done.

She wasn't going to chase after someone who didn't want to be found.

The golden rays of summer faded into the shifting changes of autumn. Throwing herself wholeheartedly into her work had truly been therapeutic – if not for the victims that she couldn't save, then for herself. And if she'd derived a little extra satisfaction from watching the guilty perps sweat it out in interrogation, was that such a bad thing?

She downed the remainder of her cup of coffee and tossed the paper cup into the trash can, a silent swooshing arc that would make the owner of the Knicks want to sign her, if she had any basketball talent to speak of. The problem with the rookies was that there was none of the silent rapport. They needed to actually talk about the case. They weren't capable of telepathically reading her mind and knowing instantaneously what she was thinking.

Not like Elliot.

It was still radio silence on that end for her. She'd given up asking Cragen for updates, and he wasn't freely giving them, not even to her, not anymore – whatever was going on was something far above either of their paygrades.

Amaro – the temporary recruit from the Warrants squad – had been made permanent the week before.

She'd packed up Elliot's desk, and the file box with the personal contents of his desk and locker sat in the back of her closet at home. Maybe she should have left it at the precinct, in case he wanted to come by and get his things; she wanted to force the subject, though, she deserved that much.

Her cell phone rang, and she rolled over in bed. First – crap, she'd missed her alarm, she was definitely going to be running late today. And second, it was Cragen calling – she knew she was late, but not that late. "Hey, Captain," she said. "Sorry, I'm a little behind today."

"That's not why I called. We got a call from Queens SVU this morning. I want you to report over there. They need our assistance with a case."

"Can I know anything about it? Why do they need our help?" This was one of those days when she was thankful dry shampoo existed, because a long, hot shower was definitely not in the cards.

"You're the best person for this case, Olivia. They called us because our number was listed as one of the emergency contacts the school provided to the Queens squad."

Queens - a school – SVU - emergency contact – best person - "What's going on?" She sat down on the bed as her thoughts swirled angrily and mercilessly in her head; the dots were beginning to connect themselves without her trying, and she didn't like the picture they were portraying. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

All she could hear was his pained exhale as he said two of the words she most dreaded hearing. "It's Eli."

"Say no more. I'll be there as soon as I can."

On the day he was born, she'd made damn sure that both Eli and Kathy lived after the car accident, and she'd always felt a special connection with the boy. She'd never had the privilege of being a mother herself, but she'd helped to bring Eli into the world in her own way.

She'd break the damn sound barrier and every speed limit between her apartment and the Queens precinct if she had to, she was going to continue to protect that little boy with everything she had, even if his father wasn't in her life anymore.

"I'm coming, Eli," she said only moments later, as she got behind the wheel of her car and started the drive out to Queens.

Heaven help anyone who tried to get in her way today.

-to be continued-

Author's Note: All questions will be answered in due time... :)