Author's Note: After this chapter, there's going to be a slight time jump - no more than a couple weeks. But for now, we get to meet a current friend in a new context, who will play a part in the story going forward.
She'd never seen Elliot cry many times in their partnership – he was the prototypical macho man, loath to reveal his feelings – so to feel his tears dampen her shirt, she knew he had to be hurting.
When the Towers fell. When Eli was born and she'd saved both him and Kathy. Maybe after a minute handful of extremely emotional cases that ripped one or both of them to shreds. He'd been on the verge a few other times, but never managed to fall over the brink. And now this, here, tonight: another milestone in their extremely unconventional partnership.
"You're okay," she whispered, rubbing her thumb along his shoulder blade. "You're okay, Elliot, and Eli's okay, and Kathy's –"
"For now." His voice held a grim sort of determination as he spoke; his eyes were dark blue, nearly the color of the sky at midnight, and there was no joy left in them. "Why can't I protect them? I swore a sacred oath to protect the people of this city, and I can't even protect my own family in our own home."
"Elliot –"
"I've failed everyone: my family, Jenna Fox, you. Don't you see? I have to make things right."
"What I see, Elliot, is a man who is dedicated to protecting everyone, which is so incredibly admirable," she said, offering him a smile, "and you shouldn't change that part of you, but you need –"
"What I need?" His tone was suddenly harsh, and she winced. "I'm trying to take care of this on my own. Make it right. On my own. So that I can be the husband Kathy deserves, the father my five children deserve, the partner and friend you deserve, Olivia Benson."
"You don't have to do it on your own," she said, her voice dropping to a low whisper. Not that anyone else was around to hear her – she could hear footsteps above them, probably one of the twins, and Kathy was likely putting Eli to bed. "I dropped everything today when Cragen called me and told me to come over here, that something had happened to Eli. I didn't think twice. I heard Eli was in trouble and I was on my way."
"You've always had a special bond with Eli. You're his guardian angel, watching over him since the day he was born."
She bit her lip, thinking back on that stressful day almost four years before. He was right, of course – being there as Eli took his first, precious breaths, making sure that both he and Kathy survived after the car accident. She loved all the Stabler kids in her own way, as one would with someone who was very dear to someone that they were close to; each child reflected a different piece of their parents and the love and values that they'd been instilled with.
But she'd been there from day one with Eli. For the others, she came along later in their lives, but Eli only knew the world where Olivia fought for justice and safety alongside his father.
"He's a great kid. The world is lucky to have two Elliot Stablers in it, even if one of them has been a bit of a pain in my ass lately."
His eyebrow arched upward. "Only lately?"
"Well, really, for the past thirteen years or so, but even more so lately, what with the whole disappearing for four months and not telling his trusted partner where he was."
"I thought I –"
"If you thought you've failed me at any point in our partnership up until this point, you never did, until you left me and abandoned me. That's what failing me would look like, Elliot. I don't personally feel like you did, but if you're hellbent on looking for a failure, there it is."
He folded his hands over each other as if he was in silent prayer and looked at her. "The fact you haven't stormed out of here says something for you. I don't know what."
"That I'm a glutton for punishment, maybe. Or that despite everything, I care about your stubborn ass."
"That might just be one of the nicest things you've ever said to me."
"Don't get used to it." She breathed out a sharp breath and looked over at him. She'd never seen him look so defeated. "Look, I get it. You want to prove you can defend everyone all on your own, but I'm telling you that you don't have to. You have me on your team, and with me, comes everyone else in SVU. And you know how many connections Cragen has."
Elliot laughed. "He's practically a walking directory of everyone who's put on a NYPD badge the last forty years."
"I'm not saying you have to come back, because clearly, there's a lot going on here, and I don't even know how to begin unpacking what's in that head of yours," she said, while waving her hand around the room, "but don't cut me out, please."
"Seeing you again, Olivia, hearing your voice, having you here – I don't think I could leave you again if I tried." He exhaled slowly, with his steely-blue gaze trained firmly on her face. "You've reminded me of how it feels to be normal again."
"Always a start."
A soft knock sounded at the door, and Elliot called out, "come on in."
Kathy walked in, holding a sheet of paper in her hand, and she looked very pale. "I didn't mean to interrupt your little reunion, but Lizzie went to get Eli's backpack from the car, and she found this stuck on the front door."
She held out the paper so that Olivia and Elliot could read it. Scrawled across the paper in thick, black Sharpie, each word harshly underlined, it read, "Live and learn. The easy way failed. Now it's time to try the hard way."
The three adults exchanged nervous looks. "I'll talk to Cragen in the morning," Olivia said, in her tone of voice that openly suggested don't even try disagreeing with me, Elliot. "He might have some ideas we haven't thought of."
"Besides putting us all in WitSec and having us move to Spokane?"
"It's not going to come to that."
She fervently hoped she was right. Anything less would be enough to break them all.
"Olivia, my office?" Cragen asked, and she snapped her head up from the case paperwork she was working on. Their conversation that morning had been brief – she'd filled him in on all the details, and he'd promised to make some calls around.
"Ooh, someone's in trouble with the boss," Amaro said, and she briefly contemplated chucking her stapler at him before deciding a firm glare otherwise would do the trick nicely.
She closed the door behind her when she got into the office. "What's up, Captain?"
"I placed some calls around. You know, I've known Cerreta since he was a boy and I worked with his old man over at the 2-7, back in my homicide days. He owes me a few favors."
"And you're calling them in now?"
"There's no expiration on favors, but they're not transferrable." He idly tapped his pen against a stack of papers. "We're going to coordinate for someone to go undercover as protective detail at Eli's school. Teacher's aide for Eli's class. If anyone tries to hurt Eli, she'll be there to hopefully prevent it."
"She?"
"He has someone in mind from one of the precincts down there: Officer Ayanna Bell. She's about a year removed from the Academy and has received high marks from her supervising officers. Seems more interested in Narcotics, but she's eager to prove herself and cut her teeth anywhere she can, and this would be a plum assignment for her."
She thought about it for a moment. An undercover operative at Eli's school would be a great way to make sure no one could get to him, but she didn't want any of the other children to be put at an elevated risk. "What do you think?" Cragen was a father figure to her – to the whole SVU squad, really – and his opinion mattered to her.
"Cerreta's said he's willing to vouch for her, and I trust him."
Good enough for her purposes.
"Okay, but I want to meet her first."
"I think we can arrange that."
The day was interminably slow, which she supposed was a good thing – it meant no one was being raped or murdered, at least not under their jurisdiction. And after spending the previous day in Queens, it was nice to catch up on the occasional bit of paperwork before the next victim would steal her attention away.
A young black woman with long box braids swishing back and forth came up to her desk. "I've been informed you're Detective Benson?" she said, extending her hand to Olivia. "I'm Officer Ayanna Bell with the 1-1-7. I heard you and Captain Cragen wanted to speak to me?"
Olivia shook Officer Bell's hand and smiled at the woman. She had a firm, strong handshake and came across calm and collected. If first impressions were worth much, she was off on the right foot. In the distance, she could see Captain Cerreta entering the squad room. "Nice to meet you, Officer Bell," she said.
"Likewise." The smile she received in return was tentative, yet genuine.
After he'd made her way to her desk, she shook hands with Captain Cerreta as well. "Good to see you again, Captain."
"It's always a strange feeling to be in another one of these," Cerreta said. "It's the same vibe, but always so different at the same time."
"I'd be worried if they were all the same," Olivia said. "Cragen's office is this way."
"Show us the way, Detective Benson."
The three of them traipsed over to Cragen's office, and Olivia pointedly avoided the confused glances from Rollins and Amaro as she walked past their desks. If they needed to know what was going on – and this seemed like it was going to be on a strictly need-to-know type of basis – they'd find out later. When the time was right.
Introductions were made, hands shaken, and the four of them looked at each other. "Fill us in on your end of things, Cerreta," Cragen said.
"I've been in touch with the administration at Cross Island Day School, where Eli Stabler is a student. They are hiring Officer Bell here as a teacher's aide for Eli's class, under the name Ayanna Howard, where she will have constant, uninterrupted access to the child."
"Hope you like kids," Olivia said, turning to Bell.
Bell shrugged her shoulders. "I have a nephew that's a few years older than these kids. It'll be fine. Less stressful than dealing with uncooperative suspects all day, anyway."
"Oh, I don't know if you'll be saying that when you're trying to get two kids to stop fighting over the same toy," Cerreta said, barely disguising a smirk, and Olivia could tell this man had raised multiple children of his own. "But we appreciate the optimism, Officer Bell. You won't be carrying on campus, but you can have your service weapon safely locked in your car, as per standard protocol."
"Parents tend to get a little itchy when someone mentions schools and guns in the same sentence," Cragen added. "To everyone except the four of us, Detective Stabler, and Principal Brenda Dippon over at Cross Island Day, Ayanna Howard is a perfectly normal, newly-hired, teacher's aide. That means no carrying weapons."
"Why does Detective Stabler get to know?" Bell asked, folding her arms over her chest and staring at Cragen. "I don't see his ass in this room right now."
Olivia had decided – she officially liked this Officer Bell.
"Because it's his son's safety we're talking about, and if we don't reassure him that something's being done, he's more likely to go rogue," Cragen replied, evenly meeting Bell's gaze.
"I'd do all that anyway."
"Take it from me," Olivia said. "I've been Stabler's partner for a long time, and I know him better than anyone else in this room. He's not going to take it lightly if you try to stand between him and his family's safety."
Bell lightly scoffed. "I'll protect his son. With or without him standing guard over my shoulder, and with or without my service pistol."
As Cragen and Cerreta shifted into discussing some other joint business between the two jurisdictions, Olivia took the opportunity to look Bell over. She was young, about the perfect age for a preschool teacher's aide, and when the toughened façade of an officer who had clearly seen things on the streets began to fade away, she could see the edges of a softer side peeking through.
Eli would like her. She would keep Eli safe.
And right now, that was all any of them could ask for.
-to be continued-