A Breath Of Fresh Air

Haymitch had been savoring every breath ever since he had stepped out of the hovercraft in Eleven's biggest town earlier that day. It didn't smell like Twelve exactly, not enough coal dust still in the air for that, but it smelt like rich wet earth, fields and clear skies. In a way it felt like home. Funny how quickly you got used to pollution. The city never smelt clean, every breath didn't seem to expand your lungs the way it did in the outer Districts.

Even the expensive leather in the car seemed to smell better than it would have in the city. But maybe that was just in his head.

He was happy to have managed to get away for a week-end. It had been harder to organize than Effie had made it seemed and, by the time Katniss had managed to find a slot in his schedule, Haymitch had been eager for an escape to Eleven.

The car rolled to a stop and Boggs exited first, not bothering to tell him to wait. He didn't have to. They had been doing this dance for long enough that Haymitch knew the rules by heart, no matter how much he liked to break them sometimes. It wasn't long before his bodyguard opened the door and held it for him anyway.

The farm had been cleared days in advance and it wasn't his first visit anyway. Of all the places he could have chosen to spend a week-end at, it probably wasn't the worst one on Boggs' nightmare list – Boggs was very reluctant to have him stay anywhere that he didn't know every inch of.

Fay Mitchell was impatiently waiting in front of the house and Haymitch smirked when she rolled her eyes at the Peacekeeper who was valiantly trying to hold her back. The moment their eyes met, her face split into a grin and she strode forward to engulf him in a hug that felt like home. His best friend's sister had ten years on him and he hadn't seen her often over the years, he wouldn't say they were close, but Chaff considered him to be his brother and, as a consequence, she had welcomed him in her family with open arms, insisting he always had a place to stay if he needed it and that… He couldn't repay that kindness. Ever.

"Beautiful as ever…" He chuckled in her ear, not disappointed when he was forcefully whacked on the arm with the dishcloth perpetually hanging from her belt with a sound of dismissive annoyance.

"Politicians. Always lying." she scoffed but she was still smiling. "Come on. He's out back watching the boys."

"Still getting in troubles?" he joked.

"Chaff or the boys?" she challenged and then waved her hand as if to dismiss her own question.

He followed her but not without shooting a glance at Boggs. "Relax, yeah? The place's safe as houses. You've got a perimeter… We're annoying enough as it is so stay out of the way as much as you can."

Boggs didn't even blink. "As you say, Sir."

Haymitch rolled his eyes, ready to bet there would be Peacekeepers hiding in the apple tress within five minutes if they weren't there already. The Mitchell's Farm was a small operation… A few acres of orchards, a couple of livestock animals, some vegetables… It allowed them to survive comfortably enough but business wasn't thriving – and he knew because he kept an eye on it – but they were happy and, when Haymitch came around to see them all, he could get why. This was the life he secretly dreamed of: simple, easy, nature as far as the eye could see…

None of that would be happening in his immediate future though.

Depending on where Plutarch chose to set Effie up after his term, he might get some of it but… Realistically, he knew Plutarch would want her to climb the political ladder in a bigger District to have a shortcut path to the Presidential Office. That would mean One, Two or Four maybe… He would love Four. And then, if they got her elected – and they would, he had no doubt they would – four to eight more years in the Capitol… If he was lucky, they might get to retire somewhere quiet…

So lost in his own thoughts he barely realized they had made it to the back of the house. Chaff was sprawled in a whicker chair, legs outstretched in front of him, his mouth set in a hard line, a glass of something that looked like whiskey in his good hand… His dark eyes kept track of the children's game in the yard, not once darting toward them. His shortened arm was propped on the armrest in a way that told Haymitch he was in pain. Still.

"Not a good day?" he asked Fay, quietly enough that it wouldn't carry.

The laughter and screams of the kids running after each other in the yard would probably cover it anyway.

"There ain't a lot of those, Haymitch." Fay sighed. "Don't offer to get him an appointment with that fancy doctor again… I know you mean well but…"

But Chaff didn't like talking about his missing hand, about the phantom pain so many doctors said was in his head… It had been a decade since the injury and yet…

Haymitch nodded once in understanding and walked past her to hop up the few stairs leading to the wraparound porch, an easy smirk on his lips. He didn't have to force himself much, even if it hurt him to see his friend in pain, he was glad to see Chaff.

Chaff, for all the glowering he seemed to have been doing, finally landed eyes on him and his expression cleared into one of happiness too. "Well, well… Look what the cat dragged in…" He brought the glass up to his head in a lazy military salute. "Mr President." Haymitch rolled his eyes and dragged a second whicker chair closer. "Careful." Chaff warned before he could sit. "That one's got a wobbly leg."

It had a wobbly leg alright and Haymitch didn't drop in it the way he had intended to. He tested the weight instead until he was satisfied it wouldn't break under him. Then he nodded at the bottle of whiskey not well hidden under his friend's chair. "Bit early for that, yeah?"

"Never too early." Chaff retorted with a snicker. "We can't all turn sober, buddy, the liquor industry would go broke."

Haymitch granted the point with a shrug, forcing a carelessness he didn't truly feel. Chaff was the only one who still drank in front of him. The others coddled him and he was both grateful and angry about it. Effie never drank when he was around, Plutarch had worked too hard on sobering him up to risk it so he didn't partake either, other politicians or guests he entertained in his office or in private… They were considerate enough to always request something non-alcoholic when he suggested getting them a drink... Even Coin, for all her public taunting and accusations of alcoholism, stuck to water in private – although maybe that had less to do with consideration and more to do with keeping a sharp mind.

It was on him that the sight and faint smell of whiskey woke up the thirst. He curled his hands around the armrests, relieved when Fay reappeared directly through the backdoor this time, carrying a tray with a pitcher of fresh homemade lemonade and two tall glasses. He bolted up to help her.

"See how a gentleman does it, Chaff?" she huffed at her brother.

"Yeah…" Chaff drawled out with amusement. "Seems they taught him manners in that Mansion… Or maybe it was that city girl of his…"

Haymitch grumbled a protest under his breath, refusing to admit Effie maybe had managed to ingrain him with some manners.

Fay laid a discreet hand on his arm and squeezed. "Try to make him switch to lemonade."

"Ain't deaf, you know." Chaff commented.

"Funny." Fay deadpanned. "Cause I think I distinctly remember asking you to come out here to get the children to do their chores, not to watch them play…"

"They've done them." his best friend replied. "We've all done our chores, Mom."

Fay huffed and turned around, muttered under her breath about her idiot brother and her ungrateful sons. She didn't mean one word of it if the fondness in her tone was to be believed but Haymitch still felt a little unbalanced as he carefully sat back down and placed the tray between them. Chaff made no sign he was going to abandon his whiskey for the lemonade so he didn't bother offering to pour him a glass but he got one for himself.

Fay's lemonade was the best and he was suddenly parched. Not quite for lemonade, true, but one had to make do.

They drank in silence for a few seconds, it wasn't quite uncomfortable but it wasn't exactly the old companionship they used to share. Haymitch had known Chaff for decades. They had been in the army together, they had done all those stupid terrible missions together, they had grieved people together, they had gotten a little too quick to rely on alcohol together, they had been wounded together and they had been medically discharged together… They had shared so much that the bond between them was unbreakable but Haymitch's life had taken a sharp turn somewhere down the line and Chaff hadn't followed, it created… Not tension but… They weren't quite on the same path anymore. And that was odd because Chaff was his best friend, his brother, the one person he trusted more than anyone else – except that wasn't entirely true anymore because Effie was that person now.

There weren't many things to watch in the backyard aside for the lines of trees in the distance and the Peacekeepers who were discreetly creeping around – spot the hidden Peacekeepers was one of his favorite games, a remnant from a life where spotting the enemy had meant survival; he was pretty sure Chaff had spotted them all too out of a never lost reflex – so he gave the children playing in the yard his full attention. He recognized Chaff's three nephews easily enough though the boys had grown since the last time he had seen them. The little girl and the bigger boy who were running along with them…

"Neighbors?" he asked, nodding at the two kids.

"We took them in. Well… Fay did. Bleeding heart that one, you know her." Chaff explained with a shrug. "Suppose it doesn't hurt though, they've got nobody and we've got room. That's Rue, the boy's name's Thresh. They were sneaking in at night to steal fruits, hiding in the old barn on the other side of the property… You know. Usual story around those parts. Or maybe you forgot."

"Didn't forget." Haymitch argued, taking a sip of his lemonade and trying to ignore the confrontational tone. "I'm doing the best I can. Change takes time."

And laws. Laws he was pushing for. He had managed to make some changes already. Not enough but… As Plutarch was fond of saying the Capitol wasn't built in a day.

"I guess." Chaff sighed, finishing his glass in one long gulp and placing it down on the floor at his feet.

Haymitch wasn't entirely surprised when he fished a battered packet of cigarette papers from his pocket, balanced a small sheet on his knees, got a packet of tobacco from the same pocket, rolled it with one hand, licked it shut and plopped it in his mouth. He put everything away before taking a lighter out of another pocket and swiftly lighting it.

Why was it that the important people in his life all liked to smoke so much? He was suddenly grateful that Effie's preference went to that fancy Capitol brand, though. He hated the smell but he hated it less than the aggressive tobacco of Chaff's rolled cigarettes. It was acrid and it burned the back of his own throat as if he was the one smoking it.

"So… What brings you to my neck of the woods?" Chaff asked, once he had taken a few drags.

"Can't I just visit an old friend?" he challenged, taking another sip of his lemonade. He tracked the children's game with his eyes, just like Chaff had been doing before he arrived. Chaff's attention, however, was on him now. It wasn't entirely comfortable because Chaff knew him too well. He would read in him like an open book no matter how much Haymitch tried to hide.

"Sure." Chaff mocked, without much heat. "But you've got that face."

"What face?" Haymitch scoffed, glancing at him and back at the kids. They looked happy enough those kids. Even Rue and Thresh despite what they had been through.

As if he needed the reminder that things were shitty for kids all the time and…

"The face you make when you come all the way down here to ask my opinion on something crazy you've already decided on doing anyway…" Chaff chuckled. "Like, say… Run for President."

"I really wanted your opinion on that." he argued.

"Told you it was a bad idea. You did it anyway." his friend pointed out.

"True." he sighed. "But I had to."

Chaff granted the point with a wave of his cigarette. "You also had that face when you came down here before the last election…"

"Sorry if I like talking things over with my best friend before making life changing decisions." he grumbled but went ignored by said best friend who was clearly having a lot of fun at his expense.

"What was it that time? Ah yeah… You wanted to know how crazy it'd be if you asked that girl to marry you…" Chaff took a long drag and blew the smoke out slowly. "Still haven't introduced me, by the way. You could have brought her along this time…"

He shook his head. "Too complicated. If we go somewhere at the same time…" He sighed. "We try to avoid needling the press if we don't have to." But it did bother him that Chaff hadn't met Effie yet. "You could come to the city, you know. I've got about a hundred guest rooms…"

"Yeah, no offense but no thanks." Chaff shook his head. "The only reason I'm ever putting a foot back in that place is if you get married there." He paused. "Please don't."

He couldn't claim he had been very involved in wedding plans that were still more than two years away. Effie was planning stuff, if only theoretically, but they hadn't really discussed it aside for her asking if he'd prefer a winter or summer wedding once. He figured she wasn't serious about things yet. She mostly had a moodboard and stuff she worked on when she wanted to relax… It seemed more like a distraction to him.

He snorted. "I'll see what I can do about that."

"Good." Chaff snorted too. "So? What is it you need me to tell you not to do only to go do it anyway?"

"You didn't say I shouldn't marry Effie…" Haymitch pointed out.

"I said you always claimed you never wanted to get married." his friend reminded him. "I also said the two of you didn't look like you could go a day without fighting and that, on paper, she's everything you hate: an arrogant trust fund kid who thinks she knows better than everyone else what's good for them. Ain't my fault you decided to interpret that as a go ahead."

Haymitch frowned. "So you're saying you don't like her?"

"Can't say. I don't know her." Chaff shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips. "What does it matter? You went and asked her anyway."

Haymitch stared at his friend for a long time and then averted his eyes, staring at his half-empty glass of lemonade. "Couldn't risk losing her. If that means getting married, so be it. What's the big deal anyway? Don't fucking care and it makes her happy…"

Chaff barked his trademark laugh, sounding genuinely happy for the first time since Haymitch had showed up. "You're so whipped." Haymitch opened his mouth to protest but his friend reached out and patted his shoulder soothingly. "Good for you, kid. Good for you."

"Don't call me kid. I'm only five years younger than you, for fuck's sake." he grumbled like he usually did.

"Exactly." Chaff grinned, crushing what was left of his cigarette against the floor and then pouring himself a glass of lemonade. "And don't get your panties in a twist, Haymitch… She makes you happy, yeah?"

He felt the tips of his ears burn a little but he refused to be embarrassed by that simple truth. "Yeah."

"There you have it, then." His friend shrugged. "Marry her, buddy. Be happy. And if things turn sour… There's always divorce."

He couldn't help himself, he snorted. "That's cheerful."

"Just do a prenup." Chaff advised. "Or maybe not. She's got more money than you, right?"

"Shut up." He shook his head, more amused than irritated by his friend's glib predictions. If he and Effie made it to the altar – or more likely the Justice Building – he didn't think they would break up after that. The obstacles to get there seemed bigger than the ones that would come later. They knew each other's flaws and demons… He was fairly certain they could compose with them. "I ain't divorcing her."

"Would have to marry her first anyway." Chaff pointed out. "Is that why you came down here? You needed a pep talk about commitment?"

He ignored the ironical question and focused back on the children, trying to quell the immediate terror when he let himself imagine… "You ever regret not having kids?"

Next to him Chaff stilled. Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that.

And for good reasons.

They had seen too many horrors together.

"You knocked her up?" Chaff asked, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. There was barely hidden worry underneath that question.

"Almost." he deadpanned and then shook his head. "She wants one. She says it's all good, that she knows I don't want them and that's okay with her, that we're okay... But she wants one, Chaff."

His best friend was silent for a long time. "And?"

"And I'm too selfish to let her go have that with someone else." he offered with a sigh. "And…" He leaned forward, propped his elbows on his knees, let his hair fall into his face so he could hide a little more… "We can't have it all anyway. She wants to keep her job and if she has our kid, well… Secret's out. We can't have it all."

Chaff leaned back into his chair, crossing his left over his right one by balancing his ankle on his knee. "That's a reason or an excuse?"

"That's fact." he snapped. "We're already on a thin line…" But couldn't they have it all? Surely there were ways to… Everybody in Panem knew they were together, that they were planning on getting married no matter how many times they denied it by turning it into a joke… "We wouldn't get away with it…"

"Honestly, I didn't think you'd get away with fucking her in the first place… Then, you got away with proposing…" Chaff snorted. "Getting away with making her a baby doesn't seem like a stretch." His friend shrugged. "And, hey, it won't be the worst thing a President got away with in office…"

If losing her job was Effie's main objection…

It was true that… Couldn't they work around it? It seemed…

He looked at the kids. "How crazy would it be if…"

"A lot." Chaff cut him off. "A whole fucking lot."

"Say you meet this girl…" Haymitch said slowly. "And she's… She's your sun and moon, alright? Laugh all you want, it's true." He tried not to blush but he was miserably failing. Maybe he was whipped. "Say she wants a child but she won't ask you for it 'cause… Cause she knows where you come from, right? She knows… She knows all the ugly parts of you. She knows… She knows the worst secrets. She… She won't ask. She won't even let herself want it… All you want is to make her happy… So if to keep her happy you need…"

"You shouldn't make a child to keep your girl happy." Chaff cut him off.

"Yeah, but…" he argued. "What do I know… Maybe it'd make me happy too? I mean… Don't get me wrong, it's terrifying only to think about… But… There was a lot of stuff that was terrifying before she came along, you know? Being a couple, living with someone, getting a pet together, actually having feelings like a bloody teenager…"

He let his sentence trail off. It was a while before Chaff spoke. "How's Katniss?"

"Good." he answered, a bit surprised by that change in subject. "Going steady with the boy, from what I can tell. He's a good kid. He's good for her. Make her smile more."

Chaff nodded thoughtfully. "You know the first time you came to me with that face on? The first time you practically begged me to convince you not to do something you were gonna do anyway?"

"I don't beg and I haven't decided anything yet." Haymitch argued.

His friend shot him a pointed look. "The first time was when you met an eleven year-old girl who needed help. You thought you were the last person who could do anything for that kid and her little sis but you were determined to try anyway cause you also were the only person willing to do anything. You got sober for that kid."

"Plutarch got me sober 'cause a drunk mayor wouldn't…" he started to argue.

"You got sober because she may have been sixteen at that point but she needed you to up your game." Chaff dismissed as if this wasn't… a huge misinterpretation of something that hadn't happened that way. At least he didn't think it had. "I hate to break it to you, buddy, but you've already got a kid. So, sure, she's bigger and she's an adult now but… You know. You've done it once already."

He had never really looked at it that way.

Well, he tried not to look at it that way because Katniss was sensitive about her dead father and it wasn't his place to… He did love that kid, that was true. And she was his in all the ways that mattered, that was also true. He loved Prim too. Their bond wasn't as special as the one he shared with Katniss yet he did love Prim too. But… Katniss… Katniss was special. Katniss was his family.

"It's different though…" he argued. "She's a survivor. She's not… A baby, it'd be…"

"Scary as shit." Chaff argued. "Which is why I'd never do it. Hell, I've got my hand full with that lot." He nodded at the kids. "You know… It's easier 'cause I ain't their dad. Same for you with Katniss, I guess. We do the same job but, at the end of the day, we ain't their dad. Makes it less scary somehow, yeah?"

"Maybe." He finished his lemonade, wishing it was something else. Vodka would have been nice right about then.

"You want my honest opinion?" Chaff asked.

"Yeah." he answered quietly. If he didn't, he wouldn't have come. There were plenty of people who only said what they thought he wanted to hear in the city. People who would tell him things straight? There weren't so many anymore.

"I think having a kid in this world's stupid. I'm sorry, buddy, I know you're doing your best but it's still a shitty world." Chaff shrugged. "You used to think the same thing so what changed?"

He loved Effie. That was what had changed. He wasn't able to tell her in so many words but…

"It ain't the worst." he whispered. "Picturing a kid who looks like her… Like us. Terrifying but not the worst."

His friend looked amused. "See, you come here, you ask for my opinion, but you've already decided… You wanna know what I think? I think you want that kid. You're just scared."

Haymitch didn't answer, he didn't know what to say.

He didn't know what to think anymore.

"You wouldn't be bad at it, for what it's worth." Chaff added after a while. "That, I'm sure about. You'd be a great dad. And I'm a great uncle, so there's that…" His friend was silent for a beat and then toasted him with his glass of lemonade. "Plus, you've got an army so that kid would probably be very, very safe… You know… Just in case that's what you're truly concerned about."

Haymitch felt a little overwhelmed and it was one thing to partially break down in front of Effie but it really wasn't going to happen in front of Chaff so… He switched subjects to something a little more neutral, like the new Head of his Department of Agriculture and Chaff's thoughts about him.

It was only later that day, once Fay had rounded up the kids and scolded them about not greeting the President of Panem – or Uncle Haymitch, as he had quickly corrected her – earlier and they had all had dinner, board games and fun, that Chaff brought up the baby thing again. They were both back on the porch, watching the night sky.

That was another thing Haymitch missed about Twelve: being able to watch the stars whenever he wanted.

"She must be something very special, that girl of yours…" Chaff mused with, maybe, a touch of envy in his voice.

"She's everything." he replied quietly but honestly. He was doing enough denial every day without having to lie to his best friend.

"Yeah, I know…" the other man teased. "Your sun and moon…"

"Oh, shut the fuck up…" He elbowed him in the side, chuckling along with him at his own idiocy. "She's just… She makes me feel like I can breathe again. You know?"

"Can't say I do, no… But good for you." Chaff approved. "I think she's the best thing that happened to you in a long time. You're… You're much better in the head. I can tell. Can't say I'm there myself but… I'm happy for you. Even if she's got you so wrapped around her finger you're sprouting poetry…"

Haymitch shoved him a little but didn't deny it.

He was much better in the head and it was largely thanks to her…

More than everything, she made him happy, there was no denying that.

And for the first time EVER I managed to squeeze Fay in. Do you have any idea how long this OC has been alive in my head and I never got a good opportunity to include her. So there she is. Fay Mitchell everybody. A round of applause for the poor woman who has to bear Chaff all year long...

Anyway, jokes aside... BIG CONVERSATION today. What do you think? Is Haymitch ready? Can they do it and still have Effie keep her job? Is Haymitch turning into a poet suddenly? There's no denying he's utterly in love though I guess...

Let me know your thoughts!