INT. WOODSBORO HIGH – CAFETERIA
Tatum slides her tray along the lineup as the lunch ladies pile their plates. She looks over at the table where Sidney is sitting with Billy. Sidney looks over at her sadly and Tatum sighs. She'd have to smooth things over with Sidney sooner or later.
Randy and Stu sidle up to her.
STU: Dayum Tatum. Two years and you're still hot as ever.
TATUM: Er, thanks Stu.
STU: 'Cause ya' know … I'm thinking if you're planning on staying around this time, maybe you and I could get together. You know – casually. Or – uncasually – did I mention I run a podcast with Randy here?
RANDY: What? It's my podcast! You're just a special guest – emphasis on special!
TATUM: (smiling) I've missed you two goons.
RANDY: So Tatum, what's the deal? You just up and move during sophomore year, you don't keep in touch and now you're back?
TATUM: What can I say, I got kicked out of the preppy private school my mom forced me into … she thought it best I come back here and live with Dewey.
RANDY: Speaking of which – you catching that Netflix series?
TATUM: I try to avoid mainstream shows.
RANDY: (nodding towards Sidney) But it involves our ol' pal over there.
TATUM: Yeah … about that … I want to make amends with Sid, but I don't know how.
STU: Pfff, it's easy – I apologize to Sid for stupid things all the time!
On the other side of the cafeteria, Casey Becker and Jenna enter, followed by an entourage of cheerleaders and her boyfriend STEVE ORTH, who has his arm wrapped around her. Casey's eyes fall on Billy and Stu's table and she makes a beeline.
CASEY: Hello Sidney, nice to see you up and about and not freaking out in a bathroom over ghosts and shit. Tell me, do you still see the Pillsbury Dough Boy in your bedroom?
BILLY: That's not funny, Casey.
CASEY: Oh Billy, you may be the captain of the football team this year, but that sure hasn't changed your taste in women. Or maybe you're compensating for something and so you have a need to play the hero and save the damaged girl?
SIDNEY: If he likes damaged girls, how come he's not with you, Casey?
Her entourage goes "oooh."
CASEY: Whatever, Sidney. I still think Gale Weathers has it right. You fingered the wrong guy … though I hear Cotton did a lot of fingering of his own with your mother. Personally, I think your whacked-out mind finally snapped and you did her in.
BILLY: That's enough!
He stands up. Steve Orth gets in between them, pushing Billy back.
Over at the food line, Tatum slams her tray down and marches over to the altercation. Randy and Stu watch in amazement.
Tatum grabs Casey and spins her around.
TATUM: Oh, hi Casey. Speaking of fingering, you still got a thing fucking for teachers these days? I guess when your boyfriend's balls have yet to drop, you reach up for a man that can satisfy you. On the other hand – hey Steve, did you know Casey likes to stuff her bra. Oh yeah, I caught her in sophomore year. She still do that or don't you know since she hasn't let you get past first base?
Steve sits there blankly, trying to work out what Tatum was saying.
SIDNEY: (shaking her head) Tatum … just stay out of this …
CASEY: Sorry Tatum. But you would know a thing or two about getting beyond first base. Isn't that why you left school to begin with? You went and got yourself knocked up and –
POW!
Sidney stands up and decks Casey clean across the face. Casey is caught by Jenna and Steve. Billy holds Sidney back and Tatum looks genuinely impressed.
TATUM: Wow, Sid – superbitch.
Casey glowers at the group as her entourage leads her away. Tatum is looking at Sidney with a newfound appreciation.
SIDNEY: Doesn't mean I forgive you … but I am wiling to start over. Besides, I need as many allies as I can get against that bitch …
TATUM: A clean slate. Thanks Sid … I've missed you …
SIDNEY: And I've needed you.
TATUM: I'm back this time. I know it's gonna take a lot of work, but I promise, I'm here for you, Sid.
VMM!
A cell phone vibrates.
VMM! VMM!
More phones vibrate. Across the cafeteria, students are pulling out their cell phones. A mass text to each of the student body members.
Girls begin screaming.
Tatum looks down at her phone – she received one of these texts. It's a video text. She hits play. Her eyes widen – Megan is impaled on a tree, a figure in a black robe stabbing her again and again as she pleads for help …
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY
PRINCIPAL HIMBRY'S voice echoes through the school intercom.
PRINCIPAL HIMBRY: In light of the recent tragedy, we are sending all students home early. Any who wish to speak to the school psychologist may schedule an appointment.
EXT. FOUNTAIN – AFTERNOON
Sidney, Billy, Stu, Randy and Tatum sit at the fountain. Sidney is staring ahead into space.
SIDNEY: I can't believe … Megan …
RANDY: Eh, it's Megan. One of Casey Becker's lackeys.
Billy punches him on the shoulder.
BILLY: Show some respect.
SIDNEY: She wasn't just Casey's friend … she was becoming my friend too. She tried to get Casey to lay off us …
TATUM: Why would someone do this to her? Or her boyfriend?
RANDY: This is basically how every slasher movie I have ever seen has begun …
BILLY: Randy, stop it.
RANDY: I'm serious! Let's look at the facts! A show airs claiming that the true killer was misidentified – no offense, Sidney!
BILLY: She doesn't need to relive it, Randy! And she doesn't need to have her friends doubting her!
SIDNEY: Would everyone stop talking like I'm not here?
RANDY: Now a new murder happens – double homicide, popular girl and her jerky jock boyfriend butchered into oblivion. So now … what happens next?
STU: (stoner laugh) Lots o' naked babes!
RANDY: Yes, but that comes later.
TATUM: The killer begins Phase 2.
Randy raises an eyebrow, surprised.
TATUM: The double murder was the opening act. Now he begins the slow pick-off, one by one, of his secondary targets. It's done to isolate his primary target, terrorize them, make them watch – helpless – as he destroys everyone and everything they love.
SIDNEY: And who would be the primary target?
(Beat)
RANDY: The final girl.
Everyone looks at him.
RANDY: Take Jamie Lee Curtis, the vestal virgin.
TATUM: That's so eighties, Randy. New millennium. New rules.
RANDY: True … but the core of the slasher genre remains … the final girl.
SIDNEY: And who is the final girl?
All eyes are on her.
RANDY: The troubled teenager – still a virgin right? Just joking, Billy, just joking – but not really. Anyhoo, a troubled past, a murdered loved one and a killer that may still be on the loose.
SIDNEY: Cotton killed my Mother, Randy. I'm not crazy.
RANDY: (as though he didn't hear her) … and a brutal murder of the high school hottie with video footage of the spree being sent to all of the delightful jocks and preps of Woodsboro High.
BILLY: And just say your theory is right. Say, somehow this is a slasher flick. What comes after Phase 3?
RANDY: Come on Billy, you have to ask? Mr. Hitchcock afficionado over here. You know what's coming. The final act. Alone, isolated, dead friends everywhere … the final girl has her final showdown with the killer …
The soundtrack thuds. All eyes are on Sidney.
INT. MR. LOVEDGE'S OFFICE – THAT AFTERNOON
MR. LOVEDGE: And the new medication prescribed by your doctor is working?
Sidney is sitting in his office as the school psychologist analyzes her.
SIDNEY: Yes … the hallucinations have stopped … but I still feel like I'm losing my mind.
MR. LOVEDGE: Stress?
SIDNEY: What else? This new documentary, the murders –
MR. LOVEDGE: You knew Megan …
SIDNEY: We were just becoming friends. She used to bully me with Casey Becker and I guess she felt bad about it. She didn't deserve to die like that …
MR. LOVEDGE: Sidney, I would suggest taking a day or two off from school next week. I'll write a note for your teachers. Go to your doctor regularly and I want to see you again when you return.
Sidney stand up and Mr. Lovedge pats her on the shoulder.
MR. LOVEDGE: You're strong Sidney. You've been through a lot, but you're a survivor, I marked that out the first time you came to see me. You're gonna get through this. I'll make sure of it.
SIDNEY: Thank you, Mr. Lovedge. I really appreciate you being there for me this past year.
MR. LOVEDGE: Don't mention it. Would you mind sending the next student in?
Sidney nods as he returns to his desk. She leaves, closing the door behind her. He adjusts his tie and the door opens again after a moment. Casey Becker enters. She locks the door behind her and sits on his desk.
CASEY: Well, now that that rube is out of the way, how about giving me some of your special therapy?
MR. LOVEDGE: Casey … we need to stop this.
CASEY: Oh, playing hard to get. That's fine … what a turn-on …
MR. LOVEDGE: Look, the last time was a mistake. I'm sorry … you're underrage.
CASEY: I'm 17. And you're 23. Not a big age difference.
MR. LOVEDGE: I could lose my job. Go to jail -.
CASEY: I know. Is the risk as big of a turn-on for you as it is for me?
She seductively walks around the table. She straddles him in his chair.
MR. LOVEDGE: Casey –
She tightens his tie, kissing down his neck … further … further … his eyes widen. He's hers.
INT. RANDY'S GARAGE – NIGHT
RANDY: And good evening ladies and ghouls and welcome to this evening's episode of "The Skeleton Crew."
Randy is sitting at a table in his garage with several monitors, a laptop and sound devices. Stu, still high as a kite, is sitting next to him wiggling a pencil in his hand, laughing at its movements.
RANDY: And joining me tonight in my ill-conceived effort to score points with a certain lady love – my pal Stu Macher!
Stu jumps to attention.
STU: Huh? What?
RANDY: So picking up where we left off on last week's podcast, we were discussing the current status of movie theaters in general. Stu! Do you want to chime in with your – profound – input of the theater industry?
STU: Uhhh … whatcha talking bout Randy?
RANDY: (clearly enjoying himself) The movie theater industry, Stu. How do you think it's doing?
STU: (clearly has no idea what he's talking about) Uhhh … it's doing pretty good …
RANDY: (going along with it) Really? That's a bold stance to take Stu. And what about investors? How are their portfolios?
STU: Uhhh … pretty good …
RANDY: Really? You think investor confidence in the theater industry is pretty good? Tell us more, Stu. How do investors see their portfolios going in the future, especially with the advent of streaming services, enhanced by stay-at-home orders during the recent COVID-19 pandemic with many theaters already shutting their doors. Be sure to cite specific examples!
Stu sits there, mouth slack.
RANDY: And now a word from you guys! Chime in – the number's on the webpage. Give us a call. We'd love to hear you input on the status of cinema. And Stu, who is our first caller?
Stu fumbles with the computer. His red eyes scan the screen.
STU: Ugh, we got a Judy from here in Woodsboro.
RANDY: Judy – wouldn't happen to be the same Judy Hicks from Woodsboro High?
JUDY: You betcha. Long-time listener, first time caller!
RANDY: And what's your take on the status of cinema?
JUDY: I have to disagree with Stu there. I think movie theaters are just not going to perform as well as they used to.
RANDY: Because of streaming services, COVID, etc.?
JUDY: No. Because there's no good movies anymore. Nothing to draw in the crowds, as least to pay current cinema prices.
RANDY: And what do you think can be done?
JUDY: Hollywood needs to take a cue out of the streaming services. I mean look at the popularity of Gale Weathers' show. It's exploding across America.
RANDY: Um, Judy we don't exactly discuss –
JUDY: I mean, who wouldn't want to see a movie like that? An innocent man, falsely convicted, the real killer still loose … and the murders start again … It's like art, imitating life, imitating art …
RANDY: That's what you want to see? A movie about the Maureen Prescott murder?
JUDY: Think about what I said, Randy. Life imitating art, imitating life … who's to say we ourselves aren't in a movie with an audience somewhere watching us?
STU: (eyes widening, mind blown) Bruh …
RANDY: Multiverse theory?
JUDY: Something like that. Maybe this movie's already been made. Maybe somewhere out there Wes Carpenter already made a movie about Sidney Prescott and a loose serial killer.
STU: Bruh, I love this chick!
RANDY: Interesting take, Judy – and on to our next call –
JUDY: … but lightning doesn't strike twice, does it?
RANDY: (pauses) What do you mean?
JUDY: Things won't play out the same way. The audience thinks they've got the killer pegged. Maybe it's the crazed boyfriend again, it's always the boyfriend. But maybe not. Maybe this time, the story diverges from the past. Maybe we're looking at an alternative universe, a fanfic written by some weirdo on the web. Maybe the killer isn't the same person this time …
Stu is standing up, hands on the sides of his head, eyes widened.
STU: Bro, this chick is blowing my mind man! Like this is cosmic, bro!
RANDY: Judy, you seem awfully knowledgeable about all this. So are we in a reboot?
JUDY: Not exactly. An AU – alternate universe. Isn't it exciting? Just wait till the blood splatters, Randy.
(Beat)
The soundtrack starts thudding.
JUDY: Will little miss 'final girl' make it to the end this time?
STU: Okay … now she's starting to creep me out, man.
RANDY: Hate to say it, but Stu's right. Who calls and starts saying shit like this?
JUDY: Give it time, Randy. When your friends turn up, one by one, killed in various ways, you'll be begging for my help!
The line goes dead. The soundtrack keeps thudding as Stu and Randy stare at each other.