A/N: I don't know if anyone even reads Librarians fic anymore, or how many people ever shipped Jake/Cassie in the first place (I was never huge in the fandom, just loved the show) but I rewatched Seasons 1 & 2 recently and I started seeing possibilities again. This story happened and I figured better to share than keep it all to myself, just in case there was someone out there who might enjoy it :) Oh, and for some reason, I wrote it in present tense and I don't even really know why, because it's not something I usually do, but there you go. Call it an experiment. I can only hope it's one that works :)
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters and any recognisable dialogue from The Librarians belong to people who aren't me.
An Ever-Fixed Mark
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Einstein's Theory of Relatively is one of the cornerstones of science, but more than that, it is true in every single part of every single thing in the world. It means that for every up, there is a down. For every start, a finish. For every good thing, a bad one. Balance in all things.
Cassandra Cillian knows this better than anyone. Her life was a string of hardships and disappoints, from the moment she found out about the tumour in her brain. It could be worse. Just the size of a grape for now, but it would be the death of her, someday. She figured maybe that and all its consequences were the balance for the intellect she had been given, the great gift of all she knew and understood. She learned differently when she found out about the Library.
Meeting Flynn was like a dream come true, being introduced to a world of magic and all the possibilities that brought. Colonel Baird, Ezekiel Jones, Mr Jenkins, she found a family among them in no time at all. And then there was Jake.
Jacob Stone was different. When they first met, Cassandra wasn't at all sure what to make of him. He seemed like just another redneck cowboy. Rough and ready, no time for an intelligent woman who might know more than he did about anything. How wrong she was. You should never judge a book by its cover, not that Jake's cover was anything but attractive. Cassandra wasn't blind! Still, she soon found he was a great deal more than what he seemed. They discovered each other's gifts together, and when it came to Cassandra's own abilities that had a tendency to run away with her, he was the one, the only one, who really knew how to help.
That day in the henge, when the calculations became too much and her mind began to spin away from her, the way he held onto her arm, calmed her down, helped her refocus. If that wasn't a kind of magic all its own, Cassandra certainly didn't know how else to describe it. Jake anchored her, made her feel safe, but never for a moment stopped her from flying, achieving, being the best she could be.
Of course, the checks and balances of life had to ruin it all. Maybe if she were honest with herself, Cassandra would admit that it wasn't so much fate, destiny, God, or whatever else had control over mankind's actions that spoiled the whole thing. It was only her. She had chosen to betray the team, and the very Library itself, to the Serpent Brotherhood, foolishly believing they would help her. Should have known better.
Cassandra was clearly a little too trusting. She made the wrong call and regretted it quickly, proving her allegiance to Team Librarian when she gave up the chance to use Excalibur to save herself, ensuring Flynn's life instead. But it wasn't enough.
It wasn't as if she could blame Jake for losing faith in her. If the shoe were on the other foot, she might have been the same. It was just that she was so blindsided by it, didn't see it coming at all. When they stood across from each other on the balcony and he had told her that, though he liked her, he couldn't trust her, Cassandra was sure she actually felt her heart crack open, it hurt that much.
To find a family, the like of which she had never known, to find magic and a place to belong, perhaps it was a little too much to dare to dream she could have even more. A charming, good looking, intelligent, amazing man that could actually help her when she felt at her most helpless. Those didn't come along every day, and yet, she had found him. She had also lost him, in a matter of days.
Except she didn't lose him. Maybe that was the worst part for Cassandra. To have Jake so close and yet so far. He said he liked her, he said he was happy to work alongside her, and so he proved it, in every mission, every day, no matter what. When Cassandra started to spiral, he brought her back to reality. When she needed a boost to climb up or a hand to climb down, it was Jake who assisted. He laughed at her jokes and talked to her like a friend, but she knew. Behind the sparkling blue eyes and kind smile, jovial remarks and unyielding need to help and be good, she knew he was holding back. She knew he didn't trust her and never could.
Cassandra didn't want it to matter. She actually wanted to believe that maybe things had changed. It occurred to her, more than once, just to ask, to test the waters, to see if maybe, just maybe Jake had come to a point now where he did believe he could put his faith in her. She wanted to ask, but she never did, because if the answer was no, it might just break her heart entirely.
Time healed all things. That wasn't strictly true, of course, not physically anyway, as if the tumour in her head didn't prove that, but she had hoped it could heal rifts, hearts, a lack of trust. Over and over, Cassandra fought to prove herself worthy of the faith she so wanted Jake to put in her, but she was never really sure, and far too scared to ask outright. But she hoped.
It was only when they went on this latest mission, the one to Collins Falls that had seemed like an alien invasion and ended up being all tied back to Nikola Tesla, it was only then that Cassandra realised quite how deep her feelings for Jake ran. It was also when she realised that she truly never stood a chance of winning him over.
Mabel seemed nice, for a 130-year-old woman who was also a grounding wire for a town-sized circuit. The science and magic parts of her only seemed to make her all the more appealing to Jake, but even before the truth was revealed, he was so obviously smitten. And Cassandra was jealous.
She didn't want to be. It was so petty and ridiculous. she didn't stand a chance with Jake herself, she was well-aware, but seeing him with Mabel, seeing them talk and smile and laugh and know that there was probably going to be kissing going on. Cassandra hated that she felt like a cat with her claws out, the horrible urge to scratch out the eyes of another, just for existing. It wasn't her, or maybe it was, but it shouldn't be.
Cassandra feels so much worse now. The green-eyed monster of jealousy was bad enough, but now she lives in the shadow of the death she had a hand in causing. Now, Jake mourns for Mabel, who died in the process of saving her town, all because Cassandra and her calculations said they had to shut the system down.
They could've been saved, maybe, probably, but if the capacitor had failed, the explosion would've been too big. It wouldn't just be the townspeople, caught between two worlds, that could be lost, it was everyone for miles and miles. Thousands of innocent human lives.
They made the right call, she knows that. They all know that, and yet. The townspeople remain trapped, except for Mabel, who died trying. It's the reason Cassandra is crying, why she can't seem to stop. She isn't even aware that anyone is likely to find her and ask what's wrong. As far as she knows nobody is around this late. Until they are.
"Cassie?"
At the sound of his voice she startles, makes a big deal of turning her back, wiping her face dry on the sleeves of her cardigan. It's too hard to explain, especially to him, so she'd rather not. She should know better. Jake isn't going to stand idly by when she's hurting.
"Hey, Cass, what's going on?" he asks her gently, hand on her shoulder, urging her to look at him.
Heaving a sigh, she turns to face him, still in his overcoat and scarf from being out in the cold. His trip to Paris, to honour Mabel. The very thought makes her want to breakdown all over again, but it would do no good.
"I'm fine," she tells him, waving away his concern with one hand, trying for a smile that fails quickly in the face of his own disbelieving look. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Jake."
The tears come again, she can't stop them, and they only get worse when he pulls her unceremoniously into his arms and holds her tight. Her hands grip his shoulders as she sobs until there's no more left to give. Then he's gently pushing her away, just enough to see her face.
"Come on, now, Cassie," he says in soft tones. "What's going on? This ain't like you at all."
"I'm sorry," she repeats, swallowing hard so that she's able to go on. "About... about Mabel," she says, hating the way the pain plays across his face at the mention of her name. "You liked her so much and... and it's my fault."
"What?" he says, frowning hard. "No, it's not... You can't blame yourself for what happened there," he assures her quickly. "I mean, sure, if we could've saved her and the other people who were trapped, that would've been the best thing, but risking all those other lives?" he says, shaking his head. "Cass, not one of us coulda lived with ourselves if we let that happen, it's just none of us knew. You did. Smartest woman I ever met the whole of my life, you know that, right?" he tells her with an almost-smile, not giving her a chance to reply before he goes on. "You did the math, like you always do, you crunched the numbers and the odds were just too big. You thought of others, made the unselfish choice. I gotta admit, I don't know if I... Well, the point is, you made the right call. I trust your judgement, Cass, and you did, you made the right call," he repeats, no hesitation at all.
She knows her eyes just got very wide. If Cassandra didn't know it was physically impossible, she might think they could roll clean out of her head. Trust. That was the word he used. She's sure of it and yet.
"You trust me?" she checks, almost wishing the words unsaid the moment they are out there, because the truthful answer she knows she will get might be too much to bear, either way.
"Oh, Cassie," he says, looking regretful, pained, as if he's the one who's sorry now. "Honey, I never... You know, when I told you I didn't trust you before, well, I guess at the time, it was true enough, but what was also true was that I like you. I've always liked you... maybe a little more than makes sense, actually."
She wants to believe he means what he says. She does believe it, but it's more about how he means it than the actual words he says. Liked her, likes her. Likes her how? It's too much to let herself think he means it the way she wishes he would.
"You like me," she says, swallowing hard before she can go on, "but it's not... I mean, not the way you liked Mabel."
Maybe she shouldn't have brought her up again. In fact, Cassandra knows she shouldn't have, but it's done now and she can't take it back. Awful as it might be, she doesn't want to take it back. She needs to know. After all the waiting and wondering, she has to know.
"Mabel was... Well, she was special," Jake explains, "which is why I liked her, I guess, but you know what, Cassandra Cillian? You're damn special too," he tells her without pause and a smile that makes her insides turn to mush in a second. "See, I think maybe that was a part of the problem. I met this amazing person, smart and funny and cute as anything, plus she knew the real me and she looked at me like... like I mattered. Like maybe I was as smart and as worthy as I always wanted to be. Amazing as that woman was, she even needed my help a little, and I was happy to give it," he recalls, shaking his head then. "That's why when that same woman went ahead and... well, she broke my trust and I just panicked. I shut down because I didn't know what else to do. I like you, Cassie. Same as I told you back then, it still holds true, maybe... maybe more than ever."
He likes her, even now, even after everything. He likes her the way she wishes he would, Cassandra is sure now and can't bear to miss the opportunity, even if she does turn out to be wrong. Pushing forward, she puts her lips to Jake's own and kisses him. And he kisses back, just enough to prove she was right.
"You like me, like that," she says, smiling, blushing, butterflies in her stomach, and stars in her eyes.
"Yep, exactly like that," Jake confirms, though his own smile fades just a little, even as his hand goes to her face, fingers trail down through her hair, "but even so, now probably isn't the best time to... I mean, after what just happened, and what's still to come..."
Cassandra's heart sinks an inch or two, even as she nods her head.
"I understand," she says bravely. "Timing is everything, but there will be better times," she adds hopefully, "won't there?"
Jacob smiles, hand behind her head, gently pulling her closer as he plants one more sweet kiss to the corner of her mouth.
"I'm not goin' anywhere, sweetheart," he promises her, even as he turns to walk away.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Einstein's Theory of Relatively is one of the cornerstones of science, but more than that, it is true in every single part of every single thing in the world. It means that for every up, there is a down. For every start, a finish. For every good thing, a bad one.
"Balance in all things," says Cassandra to herself, watching Jacob go. "For every person, another person... no matter how long it takes."
The End