Chapter 129

"So, is life with Jess as perfect as it seems?" Lane smiled weakly at Rory. Rory sighed.

"Things are pretty good. But Lane…if you want to talk about it…"

"I kind of do, kind of don't. It's complicated. It's just been stressful lately," Lane said, taking a sip of her coffee, "Like…you know how you can love someone so much, but they just change? I mean, everyone changes, and I get that, and you have to grow with someone."

"Yeah, I know what you…"

"Actually, that's not it. I think it's the opposite. It's like, I'm growing, because I've had to, and because we're not sixteen anymore, and it's like he never did. He became a "rock star", or whatever…I mean, opening for a band like twelve people have heard of is not like being a Bee Gee, but, anyway, that's his whole world, and it's like we're occasional hobbies. And I want him to have passion! I love his passion for the music…that's the whole reason we fell for each other in the first place. But I guess I thought he'd be more engaged at least when we had the boys. But that's probably the worst part of it. It's not that he's not interested in me…it's that he's barely involved with them. He treats them like his younger cousins he sees at Christmas or something. It actually kind of reminds me…"

"Of what?"

"No, never mind. Forget it."

"…of Christopher?"

"Yeah. Kind of."

"It's okay, Lane. We don't have to pretend he doesn't exist. And if you feel that way, you should say something to him."

"I have! And we fight. And then he just ignores me, well, us, more. It's awful. I don't know what to do, Rory. The boys are oblivious, thank god. He's their only dad, so they don't know how it should be. But especially with how things have been with Mama lately, I'm just…overwhelmed, I guess."

"What's going on your mom?" Rory asked, pouring them each more coffee. Lane sighed deeply.

"Nothing in particular really. She's just getting older, you know? Mrs. Kim was not a young woman when she had me."

"A fact she reminded my mother of to no end," Rory smirked. Lane grinned.

"Fond memories. But yeah, she's getting older. I'm worried about her. And Zack never sees her. She sees me and the boys all the time…but it's just, I don't think he gets it."

"Lane, I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself."

"It's okay. Maybe Jess will rub off on him or something."

"Maybe. I'm sorry if I've been talking too much about us when things are hard for you guys."

"Rory, you being happy is never a bad thing, and I always want to hear about it."

Stevie and Kwan ran over. "Mom, can we get this one?"

"Dinos Love Tacos? Sounds great!" Lane grinned. "Ask Aunt Rory."

"Aunt Rory…"

"Of course, guys. There's actually a second one to it if you can find it."

"Thanks Aunt Rory!" Kwan grinned, the boys running back toward the children's section already.

"Of course!" Rory smiled, waving at them. Turning back to Lane, she frowned.

"I appreciate it. But honestly, I remember when things weren't as great with me, and I wouldn't have wanted to hear someone rambling on about how great their stuff was."

"Honestly, it's a welcome change from the defeatist voice in my head. And you're nothing compared to over-the-moon engaged Lorelai," Lane smirked. Rory grinned.

"Yeah, but honestly, no one could be mad at it with her. She deserves it more than anyone," Rory smiled. Lane nodded.

"Oh, for sure. I remember when you guys first moved into your house, out of the potting shed, and how hard she had to work then. I mean, she still works so hard now, but that's just who she is. Back then, it was really so tough. You guys were always so happy, but I remember even Mama saying that she was impressed that your mom did so much on her own, and she didn't know how she managed it."

"She said that?"

"I mean, she followed it with your mother being a godless sinner whore, but, you know, the first part was nice."

"Yeah, it was." Rory laughed.

"But really. I think on some level she was always impressed with how your mom managed everything, even though they disagreed on just about everything. I don't think she agreed with or approved of your mother, her parenting, your house, her career, her love life…just about anything your mom did. But from one mom to another, I think she appreciated how hard your mom worked and what she was able to accomplish."

"I mean, she's the most incredible person I know."

"Exactly. Which is another reason this is so scary. I feel like I'm having to do so much on my own. I know I have it so much easier than people who are actually single moms. I have financial support, when Zack's around he does interact with the kids, and I have my mom. But as she's getting older, I'm just…scared, Rory. Your mom is so strong. She was amazing, but I couldn't do what she did."

"Lane…of course you could. She did what she had to. She says it all the time. If you had to, you could and would absolutely be able to do it."

"I don't think so," Lane said, tearing up. Stevie and Kwan started running back over and Lane turned away. "Rory, would you mind…."

"Of course. Stevie, Kwan? Your mom's gonna go to the bathroom really quick. Lane, it's up by the cashier counter. Key is on the desk."

"Thanks, Rory," Lane nodded, hiding her face from the boys as she walked by.

"Why's Mom rushing?"

"She really had to go. You guys want to see some more cool books?"

"Sure!"

"Um…"

"This one might be about candy…"

"YES!"

A few minutes later, Lane emerged from the restroom, pulled together and composed. She walked over to the boys and smiled at them.

"Hi boys! We should probably get ready for lunch. I think it's gonna be time soon."

"I'll go let Jess know. There's a great diner nearby."

"Sounds good! Boys, let's put your new books away. Did you thank Aunt Rory?"

"THANK YOU, AUNT RORY!"

"Anytime, you two!" Rory smiled as she headed up the stairs. And promptly frowned when she reached the top. "Um…what are you two…"

"Home Improvement," Jess said, deadpan. Zack turned to Rory.

"Have you seen this shit? It's hilarious, dude." Zack smiled. Rory raised her eyebrows and smiled weakly.

"Um…I haven't. I'll have to check it out. You guys ready for lunch?"

"Sure, I just gotta take a whiz. Be right back."

"We'll meet ya downstairs," Jess said sharply, heading down. Rory smirked, following.

"So…"

"Jesus, Rory. I'm trying."

"It looked like it."

"That was the next step after he asked if we could drink at 11 AM."

"Wait, what?"

"Yep. Got any beer was the dude's first question. Not really my type of guy. And don't really understand how he's Lane's type of guy either, not that it's any of my business…"

"As it happens, it's…kind of a stressful thing for her right now too. But let's just try to get through lunch alright, and the rest of their visit. I'm so happy to see Lane and the kids."

"I mean, Lane's great, and the kids are good too. But yeah, maybe next visit she can come when he's on tour with his million fans or whatever."

"That's good with me," Rory nodded, "Honestly, it doesn't sound like he's been great with her lately."

"What do you mean?" Jess asked. Rory looked around the corner. Lane was still in the other room with the kids.

"Lane, we're gonna grab a table. Want to wait for Zack and meet us around the corner? I'll send you the address."

"That sounds perfect. Thanks, Rory." Lane nodded, waving goodbye.

Jess and Rory walked out. Rory sighed.

"It just sounds like he's absent…even when he's around. Like he's not being there for her. For stuff that he should be. And she's worried for a lot of kind of tangentially related reasons, but really, she's just having to do so much on her own, and he's not showing much interest in her and the boys, and is really just focused on his career."

"His career sounds like it's trying to get college girls to drop their panties, Rory."

"Yeah, well…that's how it sounds to me too. But Lane doesn't care about the rock star crap, nearly as much as the fact that when he's around, it's like he's not around. She just seems lonely. I feel bad that I can't be there for her more."

"Well, anytime she and the boys want to visit, they can. Though I'm not really sure where we'll put them. But seriously…any time."

"Thanks, Jess. I might take you up on that."