I loved you first
Part Eleven
"We have an appointment with Effie in two weeks," Katniss said, her eyes on the leather planner on her lap. "I have a class in the morning that day. Can you pick me up from campus?"
Peeta's eyes remained on the road ahead, his hands gripping the steering wheel. "Sure."
Katniss raised a brow at his furrowed expression before continuing.
"Your mom's birthday is coming up." She looked back to her planner. "We need to get her a present, though I'm not sure what we could possibly get her. She has every single kitchen appliance because of your family's connection to the food industry. Jewelry would be nice, but we're lacking in the financial department. Maybe we can get something to do with the baby, but what?"
Her boyfriend's stare remained on the road.
Katniss huffed, her irritation rising.
"Also, my mom has been bugging me about the baby shower," she told him. "She wants to do a whole teddy bear theme and is buying up every teddy bear she can find online. Also, she needs a guest list from you. I'm not sure how many of your friends are interested in a baby shower, but maybe if we get their girlfriends in on it…"
"Sure."
Slamming the planner shut, Katniss whipped over to him.
"What the fuck is going on?"
Peeta turned to her, confusion in his blue eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"You've barely listened to anything I said! What is going on with you? Are you having second thoughts about this whole baby thing?" Her hands went to her full belly. "Because you know what, Mellark? We're six months into this. It's a little late for you to be freaking out over the little girl gestating in my uterus!" Katniss threw her hands up. "I can't believe at this point that you're going through this crisis—"
The car abruptly swerved to the side of the sandy road and Peeta parked, roughly pulling up the handbrake.
"I was going to propose to you!"
Katniss froze, her grey eyes rounding. "What?"
"The party for Marvel that we're currently driving to—it doesn't exist!" Her boyfriend turned to her, anxiety in his gaze. "I had this whole thing planned at his parents' beach house, but I've been so nervous about the actual proposal. I've been trying to come up with something romantic and special, but you know how horrible I am at speeches."
"That's true," she agreed.
He was barely getting through his Public Speaking class this semester.
"I tried writing it down," Peeta told her. "But it sounded so phony. It was so not us."
"Us?"
"It didn't sound real," he explained. "What we have is as real as it can get. We know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We make each other better. But we fight and argue. Every day isn't perfect by any means and some days, I know we get frustrated with each other—probably you more than me. But we always find a way to make it work and it makes us stronger." Peeta ran a hand through his hair. "Because at the end of the day if we're together, then all the bullshit between that is worthwhile."
They both lapsed into silence—minus Peeta's heaving from his torrent of words.
"Well, that's as good as a proposal can get."
Peeta turned to his girlfriend in shock. "What?"
"You know me," Katniss said. "You know us. We're not about flowers or any of that crap. Like you said, we're real."
He chuckled softly. "Yeah, I didn't think I'd say 'bullshit' during my proposal."
His girlfriend beamed. "We'll keep that part of the story a secret from the rest of the family."
Taking a deep breath, Peeta reached into his pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box and placing it on the dashboard.
Katniss looked to it in disbelief. "Oh my gosh, you were actually for real."
Peeta took the box, opening it and revealing a gold ring with a single solitary diamond.
"This is my great-grandmother's ring," he explained. "I asked my parents for some help and advice about getting a ring and this is what they suggested. This is an important heirloom to our family, and they felt like you should have it. In time, I'll get you a ring that is yours and yours alone—"
"No!" Katniss looked to him, her eyes full. "I love it because your parents think of me as already part of your family."
"I kind of told them in Kindergarten that I would marry you," Peeta replied sheepishly. "So, they've had years to get used to the thought of us."
Katniss let out a watery laugh, and he reached, tenderly wiping a stray tear from her cheek.
"Katniss Everdeen, love of my life, will you marry me?
She gasped, nodding frantically.
Peeta grinned, reaching for the ring. "Is that a yes?"
"Yes," she squeaked out. "It's a yes."
He quickly slipped the ring on her finger before pulling Katniss into a full kiss. She followed, her arms weaving around his neck as she deepened their joined lips.
The windows had steamed up by the time they pulled apart.
"So how long do we have until we're at Marvel's?" Katniss asked, heart throbbing from their kiss. "I'd really like to celebrate this engagement."
Peeta let out a shaky breath, he was still reeling himself.
"Ten minutes—if I drive really, really fast."
Quickly, his fiancée sat back and yanked her seatbelt back on.
"Let's go."
"Hello little girl…it's Daddy…I can't wait to see you…"
Katniss slowly opened her eyes, peeking out just enough to find Peeta's mouth pressed to the pronounced swell that was their growing daughter. She let Peeta indulge in the moment, watching as he continued to talk to the bump.
"Your grandparents are all here, along with your aunt and uncles. Luke is working on a mural for your nursery while Addie is finishing up school before Thanksgiving break. Get ready to hear a lot of noisiness. Thank goodness, you have a nice watery sleep area to retreat to—"
Katniss couldn't help but snort, and Peeta looked up, his eyes warm.
"Caught me, huh?"
"It's just getting to that time when the stomach starts taking over and I become secondary," she informed him.
He frowned at her words. "Do you really feel like that?"
Katniss shook her head, sitting up slowly. Peeta adjusted her pillow before going to her side.
"It just comes with the territory." Her hands went to her stomach, caressing it affectionately. "The bigger you get, the more you sort of disappear. Anyway, at that point, you just kind of feel more like an incubator than a person."
"No." Peeta shook his head. "It shouldn't be that way." His arm went around her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. "You deserve just as much attention as the baby because you're doing some hard work."
Katniss couldn't help but smile at the concern in his blue eyes. It was absolutely endearing to see Peeta so protective of her feelings; the roar of love bellowed from her chest just looking at the man.
God, she was becoming a sap.
"I'm taking you out," Peeta suddenly declared. "We're going to going to dinner. No talk of babies or Mellark Bakery—just me and you. Then afterward, I'm going to slowly remove the sexy dress—that you're going to buy with my credit card—that totally shows off your boobs and I stare at you for a full five minutes."
Katniss smirked. "Just stare?"
"You're right," he replied. "More like a stare for a nanosecond before ripping the thing off you."
"When do you think we'll have time for this dinner?" she countered. "I'm crazy busy at the store with Thanksgiving coming up and the presentations are finishing up. Also, let's not mention the parents and the siblings and our offspring."
Peeta sat back, brows furrowed.
"I'll have to look into my schedule…" He reached for her hand, kissing the top of it. "But I'm making it happen, damn it!"
"I believe you, Peeta," Katniss told him. Her hand carded through his mussed hair. "And I believe in you." Wrapping her hand around the nape of his neck, she dragged him over and pressed a kiss to his mouth. "And I can't wait for you to rip that dress off me."
Peeta went onto his knees and turned to face her.
His hands went to the outer length of her thighs, and he ran his palms up, pushing the skirt of her silk nightgown up to her hips.
Katniss visibly shivered, heat rising in her belly. "What are you doing?"
Peeta leaned down, kissing towards her center and she yelped when he nipped at her sensitive flesh.
He met her eyes and smirked.
"Just giving you a preview."
"This pattern is beautiful." Aaron stood beside her, his light blues gazing at the latest design from Cashmere Joy. He turned to her and smiled brightly. "And you collaborated with her?"
Madge couldn't help but blush feeling his gaze.
Yes, Aaron could be a bit of a showboat sometimes.
However, as she got to know him, she realized that was all that it was. A show. When Madge got down to the nitty-gritty of one Aaron Mellark, she found altogether an intelligent and kind person. He was obviously close to his family despite their distances from each other as well as his sister-in-law and the rest of the Everdeens. She liked that about him, how easy it was to be relaxed and open around him.
Also, he made her laugh.
And for someone who co-workers and even family described as having no sense of humor that was saying a lot.
"Yes, I just added a squiggle here and there, along suggesting the gold foil," she explained. "I think that if we reworked your original packaging it would definitely stand out wherever you do wholesale. Also, maybe you can sell them in tea shops or gift shops with the fancier packaging."
Aaron reached across the table for a pen. "Let me note that."
As he pulled back, Madge felt the slight graze against her bare arm and shivered. She was taken aback but that power of his touch had over her.
It had been a long time since she had felt this way.
Her first crush had been a boy named Theo. Madge was twelve, still wearing her braces and much less developed than most of the girls in her class. Theo, with his golden complexion and green eyes captured the attention of many, so she knew that she had no chance.
She wasn't pretty or popular, so she never said told him how she felt.
Theo ended up dating Marnie Birch, the prettiest girl in the class.
Seeing them walking the school hallway together only solidified one thing in her mind: men could be swayed by a pretty face.
Madge saw it all the time. When her father left her mother for a younger woman during her freshmen year of college…each time she heard of a professor extending a deadline for a student because of her looks and ability to flirt shamelessly.
Even when Madge went to get her car serviced, if she showed up sans makeup and in sweats, she would wait hours. In opposed to when she showed up perfectly made up after work, the mechanics fell all over themselves to be the ones to service her car.
In time, she grew into her looks and found confidence in what made her attractive. However, that feeling of knowing that outer beauty seemed so important only made her more careful of the people around her.
When Aaron showed interest at first, she knew it was because of her looks.
He knew nothing about her.
Weeks later, Madge was beginning to see there was more to him.
He always wanted to know about her, what she liked to do…her favorite movies…her favorite foods.
His first question was about her favorite color.
Begrudgingly, she answered pink. Not bright pink, but more pale pink.
The next day, a bunch of pink carnations rested at her workstation.
Aaron liked her, genuinely liked her, enough to want to know more.
And Madge realized, feeling that strange rush through her skin, that she liked him too.
"Do you know any tea shops or places that might be interested in Mellark Bakery?" he asked, the pen pressed to his bottom lip in contemplation.
"I…uh…know a few places." Her face heated up and she turned to him. "Maybe you'd like to go? This Friday?"
Aaron's handsome face lit up.
"Yes," he replied. "I'd like that."
"So what colors were you thinking of for the baby shower?"
Katniss looked to her mother from the carpet as she and Peeta folded the washed onesies that had belonged to Adeline and Luke. Neither had the heart to get rid of them, memories of late-night feedings and singing lullabies making it too hard. So, they had stayed in the attic until two days ago when Peeta had found them in the furthest corner of the room.
"I'm not sure," Katniss replied and turned to Peeta. "Any ideas?"
"I'm done with pink and blue," he told the two women. "Maybe green?" He smiled affectionately at Katniss. "It's your favorite color after all."
"I like the thought of that." She turned to her mother, sitting in the rocking chair that had been bought by her in-laws. "Green."
"You two are easy," her mom said as she wrote down their color choice on the clipboard. Jo and Prim were busy with the project leaving the Everdeen matriarch in charge of all things baby. "Johanna said that she would hook us up with a caterer. Said he catered in all sorts of needs—"
Katniss chuckled, settling back against a wall.
"Mom, you're really going to let a man that Johanna hooked up with cater my baby shower?"
"She said that he was trustworthy," her mother said embarrassedly.
"We should probably be worried about how exactly Johanna got that hookup," Peeta quipped with a chuckle. "Alice—" The woman glared at his call. "—I mean, Mom. I can have Aaron pull up some good sources for caterers. He is in the business."
"Alright—and I'm so calling your Aunt Sandra about her daughter's nightly visitors!" The couple chuckled as she crossed something off her list. "Also, while I have you alone…me and your father along with Jo and Grant have talked about this together. However, I have the grand task of bringing it up to you."
The couple froze at her words, both placing their folded onesies aside.
Katniss met her mother's gaze. "Yes?"
"When are you two going to get re-married?" she asked bluntly. "You're almost to your third trimester, Katniss. It was a mistake that you even got divorced in the first place. So why don't you rectify it and just get re-married?"
Something uneasy settled in the pit of Katniss' stomach.
"It's not like we haven't discussed it," Peeta explained. "We would like it to happen at some point." His eyes went to her. "Right, Katniss?"
She was suddenly bombarded with memories of their marriage…and its many bad moments. The arguments…the late nights on her own with the kids as she waited for him to come home…the tears that she cried in silence as they lay next to one another in bed…
Then, there was the moment when Katniss knew that it couldn't go on.
There was a bake sale for Adeline's school. Mellark Bakery had, of course, provided their famous cookies. Katniss was running the booth with the help of a six-year-old Adeline, and they were very popular.
So popular that one of the dads kept on coming to their booth.
Darius had a son in Adeline's class and whenever Katniss came to a PTA, he would make small talk with her. She never thought anything off it until the day of the bake sale.
After his third visit to their booth, Darius admitted to wanting to ask her out for a while.
She was surprised, but not as surprised Darius was to find out she was married.
"It's just that I've never seen your husband around," he told her, suddenly uncomfortable.
"Daddy is too busy at work," Adeline informed in her tiny matter-of-fact voice.
"He is the CEO of Mellark Bakery," she explained to Darius.
"I know," Darius replied. "Everyone knows Peeta Mellark. I just thought that you weren't together."
"And why would you think that?"
"Because you're not wearing a wedding ring."
Katniss zeroed in on her left ring finger. When did she stop wearing her wedding band?
Katniss couldn't remember.
She knew right then that it was over, and a heaviness settled inside her.
The same heaviness that was hitting Katniss now as she sat in the nursery.
Peeta put a hand on her shoulder. "Katniss?"
Cradling her stomach, she stood up abruptly. "I need a minute."
Stepping hurriedly out of the room, Katniss made her way across the hall to her bedroom, going immediately to the corner of her walk-in closet. She crouched down, finding safety in the scent of fresh laundry and the precise organization of her shoe boxes.
Here, nothing changed—except for her.
There was a knock at the doorway and she looked up to find Peeta, his eyes full of concern.
Her lips attempted to rise but it came out as a grimace. "Hey."
"Katniss, what was that?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "My mom said we should get married…and it took me back."
Peeta joined her, sitting in front of her. "To what?"
"To our marriage…to that goddamned bake sale…and Darius not even realizing I was married. Because at that point, I didn't even feel like I was anymore." Katniss met his stare. "I was a mess. The pain of sitting down with a lawyer and drawing up those papers…of sliding them across the table towards you. That look on your face, like you didn't even know that we fell apart."
"I am trying, Katniss," he told her. "Mellark Bakery will have a new CEO. We can start again—"
"Until you get bored? Or resentful?" she questioned. "How long will you love me?"
Peeta took her hand.
"I never stopped." She could see the pain in his eyes at her questioning. "Even at our worst, my heart was always yours. That's not going to stop. But I have to ask—do you even want to marry me again?"
Katniss let out a breath.
"I don't know."
Peeta sat at his desk, his eyes blurring as he stared at the document in front of him.
What did it matter? He had tried to read the contract, but his mind drifted to that look on Katniss' face last night. That moment when she told him she wasn't sure if they should even re-marry. It felt like she stabbed him in the chest.
Katniss might as well have.
He was always sure of his love for her. However, Peeta could understand her fears and insecurities about committing to one another again. He had put her in that position. Their past left her scared—and he had no idea how to fix it.
There was a knock at the door and Peeta found Aaron at his doorway.
"Hey, little brother. You're still here?"
"I was trying to read over this contract for our new yeast supplier…but I can't seem to concentrate."
Aaron let out a small hiss before sitting in the chair in front of Peeta's desk.
"Mom told us about the whole thing with Katniss," he said, giving him a sympathetic smile. "That must've hurt."
"How did Mom know?"
"Alice, of course," his brother replied. "We had a whole discussion last night at their rental. Katniss' mom is having a full-on breakdown thinking that she's ruined any chance of you two ever getting re-married."
"No. This was my fault," Peeta explained. "I messed up our first marriage so badly that I've triggered her. I don't know how to fix it."
"Why did you even get married in the first place?" Aaron asked. "You two could have just raised Addie as partners."
"That's a simple answer. Because I was—and still am—in love with Katniss."
"Does she know that's why you married her?"
Peeta frowned. "I always assumed that she knew." He carded a hand through his hair anxiously. "I mean it was a little sooner than I had planned, but I always knew that she was the one."
"I'm guessing that Katniss would like a proposal not because she's pregnant with your kid again but because you're fucking head over heels for her," Aaron pointed out. "There's this thing that women enjoy. It's called romance."
"Funny, Aaron," he responded. Peeta rested his elbows on his desk, leaning to his brother. "I mean I understand that Katniss definitely didn't get the proposal she deserved…"
His eyes went to the photo of Katniss on their wedding day. She was about a month from having Addie and looked like a goddess with a flowered wreath atop her flowing waves. In a different world, they might have been a little older and it wouldn't have been at a courthouse. It would be somewhere that Katniss picked—like a garden or her favorite art museum. He would've married her anywhere; the only thing that mattered was that they belonged together.
Maybe his proposal could have been better. He would get the right words out…and it wouldn't have been on the side of the road.
"You're right." Peeta met his brother's concerned stare. "I'm going to give Katniss the romance she deserves and the proposal she deserves. If she decides to accept, then she gets the wedding of her dreams—no holds barred."
Aaron grinned. "And how will you start your wooing?"
"I've been promising Katniss a romantic dinner since she's been feeling like the baby is taking over her body," he explained. "Tonight, I'm making good on my promise." Peeta reached for his phone. "Shit, the battery's dead. I need to call her to tell her to get ready."
"Just go home and I'll take care of the rest," Aaron assured him. "Charge your phone in the car and I'll text you the address of the restaurant."
"Thanks, bro."
Aaron stood up. "I'll call my connection now. Madge is in the conference room. Can you let her know that I'm taking a quick 15? Then, we can head out."
Peeta stopped short at his words. "You're going on a date?"
"It's more like checking out some prospective businesses—but I like her." Aaron's eyes softened. "She's different from any woman I've ever met."
"You look happy," Peeta remarked.
"I get a chance at a Peeta-Katniss kind of love," Aaron said. "Why not go all in?"
Madge looked up as Peeta stepped inside the room.
Out of all the candidates, he probably spent the least amount of time with her, and for good reason. Katniss had even managed to stomach a sit-in with his one-night stand, but he was still a bit of a coward.
At this point, however, they needed to talk about this weirdness between them. Aaron really liked her, and his brother deserved happiness. Would that all change once he knew what happened between them?
"Hey." Peeta attempted a smile. "Aaron is taking a 15-minute break, but he'll be right back." He looked at the sample swatches in front of her. "These look nice."
"I designed them with Cashmere Joy," she replied, eyeing him carefully. "I think they'll make great packaging for a limited-edition box of Mellark Bakery goods."
Peeta nodded. "And Aaron said you were checking out some prospective businesses?"
"A tea shop about thirty minutes away." Madge stood, gathering some of the samples to bring along. "Aaron said that he'll work on a sample contract for them and do the negotiating if they're interested. I was never much of a negotiator, to be honest, since all I was at my last company was a glorified admin."
"That sucks."
Madge let out a snort. "Totally."
They both chuckled, easing the tension in the room. Peeta took the seat across from hers and she settled back in hers.
"We should probably talk," he told her. "I know it's been weird as hell during this interview process."
"It has been," Madge admitted. "I was almost sure you wouldn't move forward with me due to our history. However, I appreciate that you were professional about it."
"To be honest, I did speak to Delly about our one night. However, we both agreed that you were well-qualified for the role, and you were a strong contender. So are Thresh and Finch. You each have your strengths and weaknesses but, in the end, this project should showcase what makes you qualified to take over Mellark Bakery."
"Aren't you afraid of handing it off to a stranger?" she questioned.
Peeta went silent. There was a sliver of concern over what the plans would be from the future CEO. However, he also knew that the board would still be heavily part of any decision-making and would keep him informed.
"I have to trust that whoever takes over understands the values of Mellark Bakery," he said. "Also, to me, there are worse things that I've given up than this company."
Madge peered at him. "Like your marriage?"
"Yes, like my marriage. I let go of the one thing that made me whole—Katniss. She always believed in me. However, I never followed through with being her partner. While I was building this business, I let my marriage crumble. I wasn't there for my children and missed things that I'll never be able to get back. Now, we have a chance to start again…and I'm not letting this chance slip away."
"I respect you for that," she told him. "People are so power-hungry. They don't realize that their power comes from the people they surround themselves with."
Peeta nodded in understanding.
"Can we call a truce?" he asked her. "Wipe the slate clean? I know that Aaron likes you and maybe you might like him. If it progresses, you or I should probably tell him about what happened during the conference—"
"You don't have to." Aaron stepped into the room; blue eyes pained. "He already knows."
Katniss flipped through the book restlessly. It seemed fruitless to even attempt it as she had been staring at the same page for about an hour.
Her mind remained on a singular thought—Peeta.
The fact of the matter was that when it came down to it, she did want to marry him. However, she didn't want it to be because she was pregnant again. This time, it had to be about love and wanting to be committed to one another for the rest of their lives.
Also, a small part of her craved romance, dating, and all the things that lead up to getting married. When they were younger it was not as important as she was secure in her relationship and their love. However, things had changed. Most of her life was dedicated to catering to other people. It would be nice to have someone focused solely on her.
The hard part of motherhood and marriage was that sometimes she stopped being herself. At some point, Katniss had just become wife of Peeta Mellark, CEO of Mellark Bakery and the mother of Adeline and Luke. She had fallen into those roles never carving out her own path—until the divorce.
She didn't want to disappear again.
Katniss was older now, not as naïve as she was in her early twenties.
Neither was Peeta and he was giving her what she deserved: time for them to be together, to build a stronger foundation for whatever happened between them.
Maybe this time around, they wouldn't get married right away and she was okay with that. Katniss knew Peeta would be too. Because she knew him.
Their love wouldn't waver with time. If anything, it had grown to be something much greater because they learned to keep peace to make their family strong.
They had to grow apart to grow back together.
She suddenly needed to speak to Peeta, to tell him that she did want to marry him—but they needed time. They needed time to find what they had before the kids and the business. When they were just Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark, two people who just wanted to be together.
Maybe they could start with dinner, just the two of them like Peeta suggested.
She reached for her phone when her stomach seized sharply.
"Ow!" Katniss went to her stomach, cradling it carefully. She sat back, her breaths tightening in worry. "Don't worry, little one. Mommy is going to get help. Just hang in there, okay?"
However, another pain had her doubling over and she couldn't help but cry out.
Katniss knew it had been a while since her last pregnancy and she didn't know what this was, but it didn't feel normal.
There was a rumble of rushed footsteps down the stairs and suddenly she was looking up at Luke.
"Mom?" Grey eyes gazed down at her in panic. "What's wrong?"
"Call your Dad, Luke," she told him firmly.
Their son nodded, squeezing her hand before grabbing her phone off the table.
Katniss felt her head go light…the sound of blood rushing through her ears—
Then darkness.
I lagged on this chapter because I knew that it would be getting heavy at some point. I feel horribly guilty for making y'all wait then dealing out this crazy chapter.
It needed to be done.
I know that this was a very Madge-centric chapter, but we'll get to the other candidates as we deal with Katniss' issue. There will also be more of that in the next part.
We'll also be getting Addie back next chapter! I've missed her and I hope you did, too.
I'd love feedback because sometimes I don't know if you're enjoying this! Also, I just like hearing from my readers!
Next: A lot of stuff goes down in the hospital. Also, Thanksgiving.
Until then,
JLaLa