Pain is a concept that Xiao is very familiar with. Be it emotional or physical, Xiao has experienced all of them.
In his long life as an adeptus, Xiao has encountered different forms of pain. Before he bore the name 'Xiao', he was once known as 'Alatus'. He was naive and young with eyes full of innocence and inexperience, and that made him easy to be exploited.
"My weakness was that I cherished the things I love too much. My old master used it to bind me to him."
Xiao's eyes did not meet Aether's, even when the latter countered his statement. "It's not a weakness. You told me before that you trusted me so trust me when I say that it's not a weakness."
As long as Alatus was bound by the contract, he was forced to obey every order. He was forced to slay countless innocence for his master's entertainment. He was forced to devour the dreams of many, inviting despair into their hearts. Alatus could still remember the first time his master ordered him to kill his first friend. He was forced to eat the dreams first before finally ending his friend's life. He could never forget the taste ever since. It was not the first time he experienced emotional pain but it was the one that cut the deepest of all the emotional wounds he had accumulated in his lifetime.
(He learned not to let anyone get close to him lest they be killed by his own hands.)
Alatus had tried to disobey his old master once, he never tried again.
(The voices of people screaming in agony and begging for him to end their lives as he watched on helplessly was something he would never forget.)
As the years went on, Alatus gave up hope of being freed. His sins weighed too heavily upon his shoulders and no longer could he go anywhere without anyone calling him a monster under their breath.
"A monster, how befitting of someone like you."
As his master's cruel laughter echoed in the chamber, Alatus shouted back at his master, "You made me into this!"
"No, you did that to yourself."
His master continued to laugh as Alatus screamed in rage at him.
(It was many years later, after he met the Traveller, that he finally began to accept that he is not a monster.)
When the Archon War came, Teyvat was torn apart by gods. Friends became enemies as they backstabbed each other. Lesser gods banded together to fight off stronger gods, only to find themselves killed and discarded like pebbles on the roadside. The humans were caught in between everything as they tried to flee from the violence but there was nowhere safe for them as the gods trampled over them in their clashes. And amidst all of that, a single god rose above the rest. He opened his arms to welcome everyone, humans and gods, under his rule. He slew everyone who stood against him and his might was unmatched. He raised mountains and tore apart lands to create valleys. Those he could not kill, he sealed beneath his stone spears. His name was 'Morax'.
Alatus's old master was furious when Morax rose in power and became angrier day after day. There were times where he would take out his fury on everyone around him (usually Alatus), something that increased in frequency as more news of Morax's rise in power came to him. By the time Morax came for Alatus's old master, his old master no longer had anyone (save for Alatus) by his side.
Unable to defy the chains binding him to his current contract, Alatus was forced to attack Morax by the orders of his old master.
"Step aside."
"I apologise but I cannot. For as long as I am bound to him, I must obey."
"I see. Then I shall make this quick."
Alatus barely lasted a minute against Morax. His swings were deflected with ease and his blade shattered against Morax's weapon. Thrown and tossed aside, Alatus watched helplessly (and in sick joy) as Morax killed his old master by impaling him with his spear.
But several hundreds of years under his old master had left Alatus unable to live with his newfound freedom.
"Alatus, you are free to go wherever you please so why do you not leave?"
"Please, let me repay this debt. Let me serve you."
"There is no debt to pay."
"Lord Morax...I do not know how to live a life freed from servitude. So please, I beg of you, let me serve you."
Morax bestowed him with a new name and offered him a contract. From that day onwards, 'Alatus' became 'Xiao'.
"'Demon', it suits you," his old master cackled in his head.
"Shut up!" Xiao growled at the voice. Morax looked at him strangely but made no motion to speak.
On the surface, Xiao is called a 'demon'. But beneath that, Xiao cherished the name Morax gave to him even if he would never tell that to him.
"In the fables of another world, the name Xiao is that of a spirit who encountered great suffering and hardship. He endured much suffering, as you have. Use this name from now on."
Morax was different from Xiao's old master. If Xiao messes up, Morax would not punish him harshly unlike his old master who would take joy in punishing him. Xiao was given food, water and shelter and was not expected to give anything in return unlike his old master who would withhold basic necessities unless Xiao obeys his every whim (even if the contract he was bound to had already forced him to obey).
Morax was very different from his old master and Xiao has no idea how to react to that.
"If you starve, you will lack the energy to fight."
"What he meant was that you should eat to get your strength back."
"Was that not what I said, Guizhong?"
"Morax, you are addressing a traumatized child. You need to have compassion and empathy."
"He is not a child, he is an adeptus."
"Morax! Honestly!"
Guizhong was a strange person. She was not a servant of Morax nor was she bound to any contract with him. She was kind and compassionate. People, humans and gods, were drawn to her. Even Xiao was not immune.
It was a dark day when Guizhong was killed in battle. The Archon War ended a few weeks later in Morax's victory, far too late in Xiao's opinion.
As peace slowly returned to Teyvat, Liyue realised a problem that came with the aftermath of the war. The land of Liyue was soaked in the blood of many who died in the war and their spirits linger upon the land with no one laying them to rest. Their cries of unjust for being killed and their hatred for the living gave way to malice. The malice seeped into the land and manifested into living embodiments that brought plague, curses, and miasmas to the people of Liyue. The people of Liyue, humans and gods, came before Morax to beg for him to save them.
Morax listened to his people's cries and a plan came to him. He called out to all the adeptus and asked for their aid to battle against these creatures. When the call went out, Xiao was the first one to volunteer.
"Why?"
"I have to atone, I must."
"...I see."
Xiao was given a spear, one made from jade, when he became a Yaksha. He wanted to decline it, reasoning that he did not deserve such a beautiful gift. But the gift came from his lord, Morax, and it would be rude to reject his lord's gift. In the end, he accepted the gift as he lacked a weapon having lost his at the end of the war.
"You don't deserve it, you don't deserve anything," his old master sneered.
"I know."
Morax's plan worked and the Yakshas were able to defeat enough monsters to stem the tide of malice. However, as time went on, the Yakshas were slowly being consumed by the karmic debt they had taken upon their bodies. Five Yakshas became four and four became two until finally, only one Yaksha remained. But even when suffering from the constant pain of his karmic debt, Xiao did not falter and he continued to serve Liyue in his own way.
But even the strongest of stone would erode with time.
"I pray that one day, you will find your way. And when you do, I hope that you will find happiness too."
"I don't deserve happiness."
(It was a long time before Xiao understood the sad smile that Barbatos gave him.)
There were days when the pain would erode his reasoning, leaving him as a single-minded killing machine. Xiao was thankful that those times were rare and when it happens, there were no innocent beings around. There were also days where the pain would take away his senses, leaving him vulnerable to the world around him. He soon found himself staying at Wangshu Inn, close to areas where most of the monsters converged. It was also a place far from Liyue Harbour where most people congregate. But more importantly, the inn provided a place where he could rest when the pain got too much for him to ignore.
"You told me to call you if I need anything from you, to not suffer alone in my sadness or in my pain. So why won't you call me? You shouldn't suffer alone."
"This is my punishment, Aether. I thought you understood."
"I do understand, so then why won't you call me? Why do you keep choosing to suffer in silence?"
One day, when Xiao returned to the inn, he found a covered bowl of almond tofu sitting precariously on the wooden railing beside his favourite spot. As Xiao approached the food, he kept his senses open for anyone who might approach him but there was no one around. He uncovered the bowl and took a bite of the food, savouring the sweetness spreading upon his tongue. It reminded him of the days before the Archon War, the days when he was still innocent. By the time he snapped out of his reminiscing, the bowl was empty.
It was the first time in a long time that Xiao had found comfort and it was not to be the last.
"I tried making some almond tofu, do you want to try some?" Aether asked, a bowl in his hand as Paimon physically led him up to the balcony.
"Paimon helped!"
"The cook helped too."
Xiao accepted the bowl and glanced down at the contents. The food was misshapen and parts of the tofu were not solid. The almond pieces were poured over one half of the bowl and some of the pieces were still whole. Overall, the dish did not look appetizing to eat. He took the spoon and took a bite, almost spitting it out as soon as the far too sweet morsel of food touched his tongue. Instead, Xiao forced himself to swallow the chunky mixture and turn his head to look at Aether's expectant face.
"Is it good?"
"It's...acceptable."
The first time Xiao met the Traveller, he was curious about him. There was something about the Traveller that had drawn Xiao the first time he saw the Traveller at the bottom of Wangshu Inn. Was it because of Morax's blessing he felt emanating from the Traveller or was it something else?
Xiao continued to observe the Traveller as he made his way up the inn with his floating companion. Most people would admire the top of Wangshu Inn from the bottom, marveling at the architectural feat. But the Traveller was not most people. Where most people would direct their eyes to the top, the Traveller would direct his eyes at the stairs. The sight of the Traveller staring at the wooden stairs in wonder was all very strange in Xiao's opinion.
Xiao watched the Traveller as he arrived at the top of Wangshu Inn, his hand holding on to his companion's as the floating fairy led the Traveller around the inn. She brought him to the balcony where Xiao had already evacuated to the roof when he noticed the Traveller heading his way. The fairy was chattering loudly, describing the scenery to the Traveller in great detail. How curious... Was the Traveller unable to see?
When the fairy spoke of being disappointed that they could not find him, he made his presence known then and there, taking pleasure at the fairy's and the Traveller's surprise at his appearance. Then he sensed it, the Sigil of Permission that lain within the Traveller's clothes. Why is a mortal so willing to seek his presence? But if he carries Morax's blessing then perhaps this meeting was no mere coincidence.
The news of Morax's death brought a storm into Xiao's mind. Morax is dead? How could something like that happen? Then how was the Traveller still able to carry Morax's blessing? Something was not right with this whole affair and Xiao will get to the bottom of everything. But first, he has to gather the other adepti living outside of Liyue Harbour who were close to Morax. The Qixing shall answer to them why the strongest god of all of Liyue had perished.
(Xiao was surprised, when he went to find the other adepti, that the Traveller had already met and told them what happened to Morax. He was curious what the Traveller had told them exactly as they were more than willing to accompany him to Liyue Harbour to confront the Qixing.)
The next time Xiao met the Traveller, he and the other adepti had been arguing with the Qixing at the Jade Chamber until Osial had decided to make himself known. Faced with a common enemy, the adepti and Qixing were quick to agree to stop Osial first before they continued with their bickering.
When the Traveller showed up exhausted on the Jade Chamber, Xiao was worried.
"What...are you doing here?"
"I-I have to help, I can help."
And this, Xiao understood and so he nodded his head and said nothing more but the Traveller did not look at ease.
"Paimon thinks that Xiao gave his approval."
"Oh! Thanks Xiao!"
As the Jade Chamber continued to approach Osial slowly, the Millelith moved into position while Ningguang raised the ballistas with the adepti help. Xiao readied his spear and moved to stand beside the Traveller who was talking quietly to his companion.
"Are you sure you'll be okay? You can't see without your Elemental Sight right?" Paimon asked, her voice laced with worry.
"I'll manage somehow."
So it seems that Xiao's initial assumption had been correct, the Traveller is blind. But it would also seem that the Qixing too, are not aware of the Traveller's disability. A Millelith soldier who had overheard the conversation between the Traveller and Paimon loudly ordered the Traveller to leave, reasoning that a crippled person would be useless in the upcoming battle. The words spoken filled Xiao with distaste.
"You're blind? You shouldn't be here! We can't fight and protect you at the same time!"
For a moment, the Traveller spoke nothing while his companion argued with the soldier. Xiao stepped forward with intentions to silence the soldier. This was not the time for allies, even temporary, to be fighting amongst each other. But the Traveller did it first.
"I'm blind, not helpless! I don't need your help to protect myself! I can protect myself just fine!"
"Enough. We do not need allies to turn on each other at this time when Liyue needs all of us. If you have a problem, you can deal with it after the battle. Also," Xiao paused to narrow his glare at the soldier, savouring the way the young man flinched. "The Traveller is with me. Do we have a problem?"
The soldier shook his head and backed down before quickly walking away to the other side of the floating platform.
Once the Jade Chamber had reached its destination, the ballistas fired all at once and reached their target. The Overlord of the Vortex roared loudly in pain and that was when the Fatui showed up.
Xiao and the Traveller fought off the waves of Fatui soldiers together as the adepti handled the ballistas. The Vision-less Millelith soldiers were easily pushed back by the Fatui, only able to defend the Jade Chamber with Ningguang and Keqing.
As Xiao continued to take down the soldier one after another, he was impressed at how the Traveller was able to keep up with him. The Traveller moved with confidence and he would react with no hesitation when his companion shouts out the locations of enemies and warnings. Occasionally, a jade shield would appear to protect the Traveller. Had the Traveller not revealed his disability, Xiao would have never known about it. He was then hit with the realisation that it had been a long time since he had someone to watch his back in battle. When was the last time he had fought a battle with someone by his side?
"It sounds lonely."
"I'm used to it."
"You shouldn't be."
The ballistas fired again once the Fatui soldiers had stopped coming but Osial had regained enough strength to retaliate and destroy the weapons and the platform everyone was standing on. Everyone had seen the attack coming and had quickly evacuated to the safety of the Jade Chamber, everyone but the Traveller who was too exhausted from the battle to flee.
"Aether!" Paimon cried out as she watched the floor crack and shatter beneath the Traveller's feet.
The floor crumbled beneath the Traveller and as he started to fall, Xiao was in the air before he realised what he did. The wind obeyed him, allowing him to move swiftly towards the Traveller. He grabbed the Traveller by the waist and rode the wind back to the Jade Chamber. He set the Traveller down but the latter was too tired to stand by his own. His eyes were shut tight like he was in pain. His companion fretted over him but the Traveller did not respond to her.
"I'm sorry, Xiao. I...I should have been better."
Without the ballistas, they had no means to attack Osial. The morale was dropping with the hopeless situation and despair was leaking into the air, that was until Ningguang proposed an outrageous plan.
"I have... another idea. I'll sacrifice the Jade Chamber."
"Are you sure?" Moon Carver asked.
Everyone was aware of the implications of Ningguang's plan. But Ningguang nodded her head, her face decisive, and that put an end to all arguments.
"I understand. We will have to infuse our adeptal energy to ensure the Overlord of the Vortex remains sealed once the Jade Chamber strikes him. But we need a catalyst..."
"I can do it. I can absorb different elements without a Vision to use it."
"Aether! You need to rest!" Paimon protested but the Traveller smiled in reassurance.
"I can do it. Please, let me do it."
Moon Carver humphed but protested no further.
The adepti gathered before the Traveller and bestowed him their adeptal energy. The Traveller gritted his teeth in pain as he absorbed the energy before unleashing all of it into the Jade Chamber. The Jade Chamber glowed from the abundance of energy and the Traveller collapsed immediately. Xiao quickly grabbed the Traveller to stop him from slamming onto the cracked floor. The Jade Chamber was cracking from the energy overflow and everyone quickly evacuated. Once assured that everyone had left, Ningguang directed it to drop on top of Osial.
Osial roared in fury when the Jade Chamber struck him, thrashing as he was dragged beneath the ocean waves. But no matter what he did, he could not free himself and he disappeared beneath the water surface. The grey clouds dissipated as quickly as it had gathered and the water spouts that Osial had summoned collapsed back into the water.
The people of Liyue Harbour cheered at Osial's defeat while Xiao quietly slipped away with the unconscious Traveller in tow, the Traveller's companion fluttering closeby in worry. Xiao stayed with the Traveller until he woke up hours later, leaving only once he was ensured that a doctor came to tend to him.
It was many days later when Xiao met the Traveller again, a few days before the Lantern Rite festival.
Preparations for Lantern Rite were in full swing at many villages and cities in Liyue and things were no different at Wangshu Inn. Xiao stayed out of the way as the people hurried in bringing in materials and goods for the festival and setting up decorations everywhere. He had sensed malice in Liyue Harbour for a few days and it had been attracting malevolent forces towards Liyue Harbour. Unfortunately, Xiao was unable to find the culprit as he had to deal with the malignant entities before hunting down the remnants of the source of the malice.
Fortunately, the Traveller was able to offer his expertise.
"You just don't want to socialise," the Traveller teased with a smile.
The situation was resolved with the Traveller's help and with underwhelming results. Xiao wonders why it is that he has to handle mortal affairs along with his normal duties. With the matter resolved, Xiao tried to leave but the Traveller was not letting him go.
"Come with us to Liyue Harbour for the Lantern Rite festival!"
"I do not partake in mortal activities."
"Please?"
"Leave, Traveller."
"Are you really going to let me, a poor innocent blind soul, walk to Liyue Harbour by himself? All alone? How could you?"
"Really, Aether? Did you really think that will work?"
"...Only to the gates," Xiao relented.
"It worked!?" Paimon gasped in surprise and Xiao had to stop himself from deliberately walking away.
Xiao departed Wangshu Inn with the Traveller and his companion. Except for the occasional hilichurl, the journey to Liyue Harbour was relatively quiet. The silence was filled by commentary from the Traveller's companion as she would describe the scenery for the Traveller while Xiao kept watch for any trouble on the road. The trip was relaxing and Xiao found himself enjoying the pleasant atmosphere and the Traveller's company.
Being by the Traveller's side, the voices tormenting him were silent and the pain that plagued his body was muted. Without being weighed down by his burdens, even for a short while, Xiao felt free. But as they neared Liyue Harbour, Xiao knew that this fleeting moment would come to a quick end.
As they reached the gates of Liyue Harbour, the sun was starting to set.
"Won't you go to the Lantern Rite festival with us?"
"No."
"You are obviously one of the heroes this festival is all about... Why don't you wanna get involved?" Paimon asked, crossing her arms to stare at Xiao but Xiao was unphased.
"I...detest the rabble. No cares in the world, so peaceful, so joyful...They are nothing like me. Too long have I spent slaughtering, accompanied by the burden of suffering that follows in its wake. Crossing paths with all those jubilant people will only make me...That's all I have to say. But stay vigilant. Keep your eyes open for any menace. If you find yourself in trouble...speak my name."
In the end, Xiao stayed to watch the lanterns released into the sky. The sky was alight with a sea of lanterns, each lantern carrying the wishes of the people of Liyue. As Xiao watched the lanterns float away, he wondered if the Traveller too had made a wish.
"I pray to Morax that your wish be granted, Aether."
It was hours later when Xiao heard his name whispered in the wind. He quickly got up from his spot and leaped into the air, riding the wind to where his name was called at the outskirts of Liyue Harbour. He found the Traveller sitting on a grassy slope away from the main path.
"Traveller?"
"Xiao? You really came."
The Traveller was hugging his legs and his arms were shaking. His face was pale and his companion was nowhere to be found. Xiao was worried. He wanted to comfort the Traveller but he was out of his depth. When was the last time he had to comfort someone? What is he supposed to do here?
"Traveller, where is your companion?"
"She's still in Liyue Harbour. I...was overwhelmed. There were too many people and I wanted some time to myself," the Traveller explained as he hugged himself tighter. He sucked in a deep breath before he continued, "I left the city, wanted to take a walk to calm myself then I got lost because I couldn't find the way back. I-I'm sorry Xiao, for calling you. I know you said to call you if I'm in trouble but I was starting to panic and..."
"Traveller, Aether, stop."
Xiao sat down beside Aether whose eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. What should he do here? Should he do something here? Xiao has no idea how to comfort Aether.
"If you are in trouble or in pain, whether emotional or physical, call me and I will come. I know you will not abuse this power. I trust you, Aether."
The two of them sat together in silence under the night sky lit alight by the sea of lanterns. In a way, the view of the glowing lanterns was a beautiful sight that even Xiao is in awe of. However, it was also a view that Aether will never see.
"The lanterns form a wave, like a sea of lights."
"Xiao?"
"There are still lanterns drifting from the city, like fireflies."
"Xiao, are you describing the Xiao Lanterns?" Aether asked, a smile tugging on his face. "Thanks for cheering me up."
They sat in silence once more but this time, Aether was no longer shaking and was sitting calmly on the grass.
"Did you make a wish, Xiao?"
"I have no need for such a thing."
Aether nodded his head in understanding but said nothing more.
"Did you?" Xiao asked.
"Did I?"
"Did you make a wish?"
"Not yet. Paimon was supposed to make me a Xiao Lantern but she forgot."
"I can make you one if you have the materials."
When Aether produced the materials for making a Xiao Lantern, Xiao quickly made one on the spot.
(Offhandedly, he wondered if Aether was some sort of adepti as subspace creation for storing things was a rather rare ability among the adepti.)
It had been so long since Xiao had made a Xiao Lantern that he could barely remember the techniques used to craft one. The end result was a very shoddy lantern and there was no way of remaking it without acquiring more materials. Xiao wanted to throw the lantern away. He could procure a new lantern from Liyue Harbour but Aether had stopped him. He gently pried the lantern away from Xiao's grasp and Xiao let him. Aether felt around the lantern, his fingers tracing the structure with featherlight touches.
"It's a beautiful lantern."
"It's unsightly."
"I like it! Thanks, Xiao!"
Xiao looked away from Aether with a faint blush crawling up his face, forgetting that Aether would not be able to see his face.
"You have your lantern. Now go make your wish."
"Help me write it?"
Xiao sighed but he complied. He took hold of the paper and brush from Aether and inscribed the words upon the paper as spoken from his mouth.
"I wish for my family and friends to stay safe and be happy."
"Do you not wish to be reunited with your sibling?"
"I think it's selfish to wish for that."
"...I think that you're allowed to be selfish," Xiao whispered under his breath as he finished transcribing the last word.
"What did you say, Xiao?"
"Your lantern is ready. Release it and return to your companion."
"Thank you. If you hadn't come…"
"I will always come to your aid. No matter where you are, even beyond the boundaries of Liyue. I will always come so do not hesitate to call my name."
As the Xiao Lantern drifted away to join the sea of lights, Xiao made a silent wish of his own. A wish of his own selfish desire.
"I wish for Aether's wish to come true."
If no god will grant Aether's wish then Xiao will do all he can to make it come true. Because unlike a monster like him, Aether deserved it and so much more.
AN:
So some of you have been asking questions from the reviews and some of those are from anonymous accounts so I couldn't reply you in PMs. So I'm going to try to answer some of those here.
Anne: Sorry, I don't take requests. I'll consider it but I am not taking requests. I just write when I can draft the outlines.
Counterfeika: Ganyu chapter is possible but I haven't done the outline for that. The most difficult chapter to write I'd say is Lisa's chapter. It's very slice of life style which is not what this fanfic is mainly about.
If anyone has questions or just want to chat, please feel free to PM me any time. Otherwise, I'm not sure if I should set up a platform for you guys to ask or drop anything I can take a look to incorporate in the story? Anyway, thank you for reading the story and I hope you've been enjoying all the chapters so far.