Alex drove back to Sam and Bucky's home base with Fury. Neither of them said a word to each other. Fury did shoot Alex a sideways glance a few times trying to gauge her mood. Although she noticed, she didn't acknowledge his scrutiny, preferring to let him wonder about how she felt. She wasn't ready to talk about Ryan Sciple, even to Nick Fury who had met the scientist on more than one occasion and had even attended their wedding. Upon returning from the Blip, Fury had also listened to Alex as sympathetically as his temperament allowed after she had told Sciple that they were done.

Sam and Bucky were already inside and bickering about the sleeping arrangements when Alex and Fury walked through the front door of the house. They followed the voices to the living room while listening to the good-natured back and forth. Fury looked over at Alex and shook his head.

"This is why I don't do couples therapy," Alex announced as she and Fury entered the room and put their bags down.

Sam and Bucky immediately stopped talking. She smiled at their surprised expressions, her eyes filled with amusement. After the stressful afternoon, the statement eased the tension a bit. The break was short-lived as Fury led them into the kitchen and told them to sit down. Each took at chair as an uneasy silence filled the room. They looked at each other with uncertainty.

Nick Fury cleared his throat. "That didn't go the way I had hoped."

Tired from the long day, Alex rested her head on her hand and wore an irritated expression. "Yes?" Fury said returning her gaze.

"You hoped?" she said angrily and sat up straight. "You know Ryan. You had to know nothing was going to change his mind, including me."

"I knew the odds weren't in our favor but you needed to hear it from him directly," Fury admitted.

"Why?" Alex asked coughing on the water she had sipped.

"Because your files… our files… were accessed from that lab. I will do what needs to be done to find the person responsible. I cannot have a member of my team second guessing me."

"How long have you known he was here?" Alex asked and was met with silence.

"How long?" she demanded hotly. Bucky and Sam glanced nervously at each other and rose from their chairs in unison.

"Sit down," Fury told them before returning his attention to Alex. "I just found out. Now maybe you will stop wondering if you made the right decision."

"Let's go," Alex said looking at Bucky as she stood up. He glanced from her to Fury and then to Sam before slowly standing up. When Fury protested that they weren't done, she succinctly told him they were mostly definitely finished. Alex reminded him that his job was planning the next move, hers was making sure the team functioned at a high level.

"Recent events have stressed everyone. I've already spoken to Sam and now, since I'm here, I want to talk with James," she said sharply. Fury nodded in acknowledgment.

Bucky followed Alex out of the house. She asked what direction they should take and he pointed to the left. They walked about a block when Alex remarked, "Well, that was fun."

Unsure of what to say, Bucky didn't answer. His silence led Alex to ask sincerely, "Are you okay?"

"Are you?" he replied with the same concern.

"Nick's methods aren't great but he… had a point. Now, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

The familiar short reply bothered her. "Your partner called me because he's worried about you."

"We're more co-workers than partners," Bucky replied nonchalantly as they crossed a street.

"Not the time for your smartass sarcasm defense mechanism. This is serious."

"Sam decided on the co-worker thing, not me," he tried to explain earnestly. "What do you want me to say?"

"That this whole situation sucks. That you'd rather be feeding goats in Wakanda. That you wish I'd stayed in New York... anything but fine."

"I liked feeding the goats. It was peaceful."

"I'll bet. They don't expect an answer like I do," Alex snipped.

"That's not what I meant," Bucky said with a sigh and sat down on a nearby bench. He ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to talk to you..."

"Here I am. You can say whatever you want. I don't even have a pen."

Alex had sat down next to him. Bucky turned and he gave her a half smile. It was all he could muster when he thought about what he had witnessed. "What good is it gonna do? It's over and I need to get over it."

"You get over it by facing it and your feelings head on, not by ignoring them or squashing them down into some faraway corner. You've tended goats long enough, it's time to tend to yourself."

Alex let the words sink in. Bucky leaned back and closed his eyes. Watching the testing at the lab had triggered him. That he chose to rely on himself instead of reaching out for support was understandable given his past. She remembered all too well the false comfort that could be found when you convinced yourself you're okay dealing with everything on your own, no matter how bad it got. Alex watched, a silent presence, hoping he'd now trust her enough to talk. The minutes seemed like an eternity, but then Bucky opened his eyes and started speaking.

"When I was at the lab, I kept seeing myself on that table. It was like it was happening to me all over again."

Alex let him talk at his own pace without interrupting. His sentences were fragmented as he tried to put his thoughts and feelings into words. She watched as Bucky's fists clenched and unclenched and his eyes grew more troubled as he spoke. The experiment was burned into his memory as was his time with Armin Zola. He compared the two and admitted that he could almost feel the pain of the serum again.

When Bucky got to the moment when the patient began convulsing and died not long after, he looked off to the distance. Alex wanted to comfort him in some way and thought of reaching out to lay her hand on his but restrained herself. Before she could rethink her decision, he stood up.

Bucky took a few steps and started pacing back and forth. He looked at her eyes filled with pain and pleading. "Why did I live? I didn't even want it."

"I don't know," she replied quietly.

"Freezing... brainwashing... killing people. Over and over. Don't forget a few metal arms along the way," he snarled angrily and yanked his sleeve down. "And I'm still here. Why?"

"I don't have an answer for you. I wish I did."

"It wasn't in all those files and videos you have?" he sneered sarcastically.

"No," she replied hardly louder than a whisper. It was difficult not to take his current attitude as a personal attack.

Bucky snorted in disgust and looked towards the sky. Alex watched him closely; her eyes were full of compassion knowing there was nothing she could say that would take away the pain. He paced again for a minute or two before stopping in front of her. Their eyes met and she wasn't about to look away first.

The anger and hurt Bucky felt slowly dissolved. It wasn't gone for good, he knew that much but it was becoming manageable again. He thought about telling her about the nightmares but it was too much for him to deal with right then. Next time, he promised himself.

"If you want to get out, I will do everything I can to get you off this mission," Alex told him.

"No. The world doesn't need armies of me," Bucky said emphatically before deciding to share the rest of what happened at the lab. "I hit him... Sciple."

Alex was seemingly unfazed by his admission. "That explains the bruise."

"A person just died minutes before and he's asking for a blood sample." Bucky said in explanation.

"You did say no?" Alex asked hesitantly and was glad when Bucky nodded.

"You're not mad?" Bucky wore a confused expression.

"Walking away would've been the better choice. But since I know what you just witnessed and that Ryan can be an ass, I'm giving you a pass."

"I held back. I know you told me not to but...," he said still trying to explain his actions.

"Good. I'd rather not have to visit you in jail," she replied and started walking away.

Bucky stared after her, contemplating her words. "You'd visit?" he asked and jogged after her.

Alex agreed to him staying on the mission with his solemn promise that he call or text her when he needed. She emphasized she wanted to hear from him not Sam. Bucky agreed as her phone rang.

"Do you mind if I take this? It's about Olivia," she said as he nodded. After making sure everything was okay, Alex was soon face-timing with her daughter. When Olivia asked if Alex had seen Bucky his mood was further bolstered. He took the opportunity to lean in close and wave. After a few more questions, Alex told the child she would be home as soon as possible and made Olivia promise to listen to Maria.

As they neared the house, Bucky considered telling Alex about the nightmares again. He quickly decided against the idea thinking he could bring it up when he was back in New York. A part of him hoped they would stop by then and they walked along in a comfortable silence.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked again as they walked up the driveway.

"Yeah. Why?"

"You're almost smiling."

"You really married him?" Bucky asked. The familiar snark had crept into his voice.

"We can discuss my somewhat questionable life choices at another time."

"I can't wait," he said with a wide grin and held the door open for her.