There was a long silence. Then, all at once, ten voices, Lilith's included, exclaimed, "Married?!"

"Stan, you had a wife?" Ford asked. "That you never even told me about?"

"Yep." Said Stan. "Once. Vegas, 1989. Quite the 24 hours."

"I think it was '99." Eda replied. "Or at least, that's what my earthly calendar spell said."

"Your what?"

"Interesting I haven't seen Boiling Isles natives for nearly twenty years." Said Ford, taking out a journal and beginning to sketch each of the foreigners. Gus began scribbling notes about him in turn.

Eda sighed. "Yeah, I'm magical, you dingbat. Well, I was. More on that later. For now, I think these kids, and my sis," She gestured to Ford, who now sketched her with interest, "and this doppelgänger nerd, I guess, deserve to know the tale."

"No, wait, you do spells? What are you, some kind of witch? How the heck are-" Dipper started.

"Our story begins in Las Vegas, on Earth, sometime in late 1989. " Eda interrupted.

"Your Grunkle was on vacation; I just wanted to find some slightly more interesting human junk to sell."

"Illegally!" Lilith reminded her. "Without a stand permit!"

"Can it, witch!" Eda and Stan replied in unison, before looking, confused, at each other.

"Anyway, I disguised myself, made up a fake name, got a job as a waitress, and one night, after I got off work, I went to a casino. I was about to use my magic to confound the heck out of that dumb machine. But, someone touched my hand as they reached for the slot machine handle thingy at the same time. I looked up. It was this grungy guy in a mullet, with wild blue eyes and, as I'd come to know, crazy low morals. Stan Pines." She pointed to a very disgruntled-looking Stan. "He looked at me, I looked at him, and the next thing we both knew, we were gambling against each other in all sorts of games for half of the rest of the night. I always cheated, by magic, of course, but he still managed to beat me with his cheating methods. Sometimes."

"Like, six out of ten times!" Stan replied hotly."And you cheated way more! You had magic on your side! What the heck, Marilyn? What even are you?"

"Eda." She repeated yet again. "And, not important."

She yawned. "So anyway, he did end up beating me by a few, so I-you know, I'm suddenly pretty tired. You mind if I take a nap and you take over the story?" She curled up into a nearby pterodactyl nest on display. "If I turn into the Owl Beast, just evacuate the children. Night, all." And she was out.

Stan looked very weirded out. "So, uh, yeah we went to dinner at the place she worked at. We had a huge heaping plate of waffles, chatted pretty much all night, you know, the whole thing. Anyway, important thing is, well, maybe it was the sugar in the whipped cream, maybe it was looking at her own reflection for too long, I dunno; but something messed Eda here up enough to just up and propose to me, at, like, four in the morning!"

"It was definitely those chocolate waffles." Eda replied, voice muffled from the twigs in the dinosaur nest. "Not the man I owed them to."

Stan looked venomously at the witch. Then he cleared his throat and continued.

"Yeah, she proposed, and I was just kind of like, "yeah, what better offer can I get?", and kissed her."

Luz and Mabel both squealed and fell onto the floor, quivering with excitement. Everyone else looked disturbed.

"You kissed your coffee mug." Eda snorted. "You were having a rough night. But yeah, you found where my face was eventually."

"I'm not a late-night kind of guy, what can I say?" Stan replied, embarrassed, as the rest of the Pines family snorted in mostly concealed laughter.

"Anyway, yeah, we packed up, found the nearest chapel, married, yada, yada, yada." Said Stan. "It was fun. While it lasted. Next morning, Witchy here just packed up and left. No warning, no note, no nothing. Like, literally, she stole all the cash we earned and my car and left me with almost nothing. Who does that?"

Eda turned over in the nest and waved a dismissive hand. "Had to."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Why'd you leave the keys on the dresser? You were practically begging me to take that car."

Stan glared at her. "You're asking for it. This is not over, witch. Anyway, yeah, that's the story of me and my ex-wife, I guess."

"My ex-wife and I." Ford corrected.

"You married and divorced some unlucky woman?" Stan gasped.

Ford facepalmed, and Eda grinned, in spite of herself.

"Oh my gosh, Stan, I can't believe it!" Mabel squealed. "I can just see it! You, Eda, Las Vegas, shining lights, marriage, felonies, agh! It's all so cute!"

"I know, right?" Luz screeched, grasping her hand. "Eda, I had no idea you were such a romantic!"

Eda hopped down from the nest and glowered. "How 'bout I salvage a couple of your toes, girly?"

Wendy shrugged. "This beats watching my dad cut another tree that falls on our house."

"How about someone gives me an interview about what it's like to be a human? A special feature on a romance with a witch might be nice!" Gus looked hopefully at Stan, who looked daggers at him. Gus then shrank away to Willow, who patted his shoulder awkwardly.

"How about we get our guests something to eat?" Melody asked. "They've come a long way. I can whip up my dad's signature omelettes."

"Why not chocolate waffles?" Willow asked, grinning. "Heart-shaped."

Stan and Eda groaned in unison as Melody agreed to the challenge, and the rest of the humans and witches chuckled and headed for the kitchen.

……

While the waffles were cooking, Mabel ran up to Luz and her friends and tapped her shoulder. "Hey, Luz, right? I dunno about you, but I think that your mentor and my Grunkle aren't being completely honest with each other…"

"Totally getting the same vibe!" Luz agreed. "But how do we get them to fall in love again?"

"Ooh! I can help!" offered Gus. "I'm great at gathering information, even if no one will let me!"

"If we're going to get these two to confess their true feelings, we'll need all the help we can get!" Luz said. "So, we agree? Gather some juicy secrets and meet somewhere tonight?"

"Operation Stanleda is a-go!" Agreed Mabel. "I just made that up."

"I had better get started right away!" Said Gus. "See y'all later!" He hurried away, notepad in hand. Willow looked after him, concerned.

Dipper, meanwhile, had overheard the girls' schemes and hurried over. "Woah, woah, woah, what exactly are you planning on doing?"

"Getting Stan and Eda to fall in love again." Replied Mabel.

"It's obvious that they're not over each other!" Said Luz.

"Even so, isn't it better to let them figure it out for themselves? I mean, Mabel, does every single thing you do have to have the plot of a cringe-worthy sitcom episode?"

The two girls looked Dipper dead in the eyes. "Yes."

Dipper sighed reluctantly. "Fine." He hesitated, then added, "I'll even help you out, if you want. Ford will be busy with figuring out how to get to the magic realm, so I'm pretty much free all day."

They all cheered and Mabel threw her arms around him. "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! With Dip-Dip on our side, we'll dig up some crazy information! Bro, you're the best!"

Dipper laughed. "Okay, okay. Just please, please promise me I won't regret this."

"Of course you won't!" Luz said, heart-shaped waffle gripped tightly on her fist. "It's for destiny and forgotten love! Alright, team Stanleda, what's the plan?"

"Ooh! So, I was thinking we could throw the Six-pack-elope out the window, then, while Stan and Soos are distracted, ransack Stan's bedroom for juicy secrets!" Mabel began.

Dippers eyes widened. "Oh, boy." He and Willow said in unison.

……

"Come on, just say it."

"No."

"Come on! Say it!"

"Nuh-uh."

"Say it!"

"No."

"Eda, work with me here!"

The witch rolled her eyes. "Luz, if you ask me one more time-"

"Come on, just admit it! You still have a thing for Stan!"

"I won't admit it, 'cuz it's not true."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"How come you looked so panicked when we got to the Mystery Shack?"

"You'd panic too if you'd suddenly remembered you had that for an ex-husband." She replied, gesturing to Stan, who was currently across the gift shop demanding a toddler to cough up some change to pay for a broken snow globe, while Soos apologized profusely to the kid's mother.

Luz rolled her eyes. "Aw, Eda, stop lying to yourself."

"Yeah, we all saw how you looked at him!" Piped a small voice from the floor.

"King, where did you come from?" Luz asked the demon, scooping him up and snuggling him.

"Just exploring the area a little." He said. "For some reason, every time I spoke to a local, they ran away screaming in terror! I love this town!" He cackled a cute, little cackle. "Anyway," he said. "You once told me that your ex-husband was the only one who got you."

"Wha-no I didn't!" Eda said defiantly as Luz and King both giggled maniacally.

"You know what, that's it, you two: if you speak another word about it all day, well, let's just say that mama needs some new eyeballs for a potion she's making."

"Eda, there's literally a whole jarful of eyeballs you could get right there." King replied.

"Oh! What do you know?" Said Eda. She strutted over and made sure Stan was still busy glaring at the poor kid. The Owl Lady then stuffed the entire jar into her hair.

Luz sighed and pulled out a walkie-talkie Mabel had given her. "The owl is not spreading its wings. Repeat. The owl is as grounded as a rock."

……

Finally, after a long day of watching Soos be better at selling merch than him, Stan collapsed into his old yellow chair in front of the TV. Just as he was settling in, a bright-eyed, grinning face peeked over the arm of the chair, but, when Stan glanced back at it, there was nothing. He resumed watching his show. Then, he caught another glimpse of the face, and this time caught his teenaged great-niece in the act. He sighed. "Kid, what do you want?"

"Oh, nothing." Mabel replied, grinning widely and creepily enough to pass as a clown. "Just…sittin' here….shipping it!" She added the last part in a whisper.

"Eh?" Stan mostly ignored her and turned his attention back to Ducktective. Mabel finally grew tired of waiting, jumped up, and declared, "Oh, come on, Grunkle Stan! It's totally obvious you've still got feelings for a certain witch in the house! And I think, although I'm not entirely sure, than her name is Edalyn!"

Stan rolled his eyes and shoved Mabel's face out of the way. "No, kid, I don't love her, and no, she don't love me; now just skidaddle before I have Soos assign you to bathroom cleaning duty! Ugh, feels so weird, not doing that myself. Anyways." He settled back into his chair.

Mabel thought for a moment. Well, I warned you. She thought. Time to bring out the big guns.

"Just, real fast, Grunkle Stan, you gotta listen to this old recording I found. I think you'll find it… interesting."

She pushed play on an old-timey voice recorder, and Stan's voice started saying, I was actually married for less than a day. Vegas situation. We reached for the same slot machine handle and it was love at first sight. Marilyn. Had hair like an airline stewardess and a…

Stan sat there in horror, listening to that old voice recording play and retell the entire story. When it got to the end, younger Stan suddenly said, Sometimes I still think of her. That pale bingo hall skin, that one weirdly sharp tooth… sorry, I'm getting nostalgic.

"So?" Said Stan. " What's it to ya? You've heard this story, kid."

"Wait for it." Mabel encouraged.

The younger Stan continued. I-I was so alone in life, after losing my family, my twin, my everything, and then she just shows up…like some kind of fallen angel-devil in hoop earrings. Marilyn! Why did you leave me? I trusted you! Marilyn! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ALONE TO DIE?

The recording ended with very loud sobbing. Mabel stood triumphantly with the recorder in hand. "Well?"

"Uh, that wasn't me." Present-day Stan lied. "It was some other loser who has a twin and married a gal named Marilyn..that sounds exactly like me. Yup. That's it."

"Oh, come on, Stan, I have to know!" She begged. "Just say it. YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE WITH EDA!" she screamed for all to hear.

Stan suddenly slapped a hand over her mouth worriedly. "Shh! Keep it down, will ya, kid? Do ya really want the old hag to hear you say that? I think she might eat kids for real."

"Aha!" She gasped. "I knew it! You care about what she thinks of you! You love her! You absolutely, posi-tutey love her!"

Stan rubbed his temples. "Look, for the last time, Eda and I are through! We have been for almost twenty-five years, and no matter what, that's not changing! Now, go on, go stick a crayon up your brother's nose or something."

Mabel hurried way, dug our her little walkie-talkie, and excitedly murmured. "The fez is unraveling! Repeat: the fez is unraveling!"

……

Mabel met her brother, Gus, Willow, and Luz up in the twins' attic bedroom, out of breath and beaming. "I got Stan to crack a little!"

"Yes!" Cheered Luz. "Eda's being obstinate, but, I think she's hiding things too."

"Oh, yeah, they love each other, all right." Agreed Gus. He glanced over at Dipper's blue journal with interest. "What is that?"

"Oh, this? Just my journal." Dipper replied. "I write down stuff in it. You know, things I find in Gravity Falls' woods that are magic or anomalies or whatever."

"Human realm beasts? Written information? Can I borrow it?"

"Sure, I guess." Said Dipper. He handed the book to Gus, who squealed and started flipping through it right away. Willow giggled, then stood up from the wood floor and began looking around. "The human world really is beautiful. And this house is so full of mystery!"

Dipper and Mabel glanced at earth other. "You have no idea." Dipper said.

Willow wandered to the window. "And just look at that sunset! And rich, green trees! Look at that grass! Do you see that grass, Luz?"

Luz laughed. "Yeah, I see it. My realm is pretty nice. I just…can't believe I'm back here. I thought I'd never see a normal, non-orange tree again. I guess… I guess that means my time on the Boiling Isles is over now."

"What do you mean?" Asked Gus.

"Well, it'd be pretty risky to go back at this point, when an opportunity like this is just handed to me." She said. "And who knows? What if that old guy can't make a portal back? You two and the Clawthornes might be stuck here forever!"

Willow gasped, but Gus just grinned. "I don't mind. I shall live the rest of my life in this heaven and die in ecstasy, and be buried on human soil."

"What about your school? Your human appreciation club? Your family?" Asked Willow.

"Oh. Right." Said Gus. "Well, we'd better figure this out, then." He frowned and scooted over to Willow, who laid an arm across him comfortingly, also looking saddened. Luz hurried over and made it into a group hug, and Mabel was close behind.

"I'm only twelve!" Gus cried. "And now I'm stuck here for all eternity!"

"Hey, hey, we first came here when we were twelve. It's not so bad." Mabel said assuringly.

"That reminds me." Said Dipper, who had been watching the scene with awkwardness, "How old are you guys, anyway? Or, does age work differently on the Boiling Isles, or-?"

"Not much differently." Said Willow, sighing.

"Willow and I are fourteen." Said Luz.

"Girl, same!" said Mabel. "Later this summer, anyway!"

"That's cool." Said Luz. "Wait. But who's older? I have to know now. What year were you two born?"

"1999." Dipper replied. You?"

Luz felt something drop inside her. She quickly counted on her fingers. "Wait, what? But that could only mean-oh my gosh. No. No. Oh. My. Gosh. No."

She gasped. "I'm back in my own realm, but I'm trapped-in the past!"