The Pines twins roamed the streets with their friends, the witchlings taking in everything around them in awe, hoods over their suspiciously pointy ears, just to be safe.
"Guys! Look at this!" Gus called, gesturing excitedly to a crushed Pitt cola can on the ground. "What is it? Some sort of communication device?"
Mabel laughed. "It's a can, Gus."
"Ooh! What about this thing?" Willow ran up to a dandelion in a sidewalk crack and smoothed it affectionately. "We definitely don't get plants like this on the Isles!"
"It's really nice to stretch our legs and get out of the Shack." Luz agreed. "No offense to your Grunkles, but…"
"Yeah, they don't do anything insane…this time of year, anyway." Dipper agreed.
"Wait, what do you mean by that? Are they daring adventurers that travel the world? Do they fight monsters? Have they ever met Azura?" Luz rapidly asked question after question.
"Yes, yes, and, oh my gosh, you've read Azura?" Dipper replied, overjoyed. "I swear I was the only kid in my class that even knew what it was!"
"No way, I absolutely love those books!" Luz turned to the older twin. "Mabel, did you know that your brother is awesome?"
"Guys! What's this?" Gus ran up to Greasy's Diner and read the sign. "Welcome to Greasy's Diner? We have food? EAT? Guys, human food! We should totally go!"
"Gus, you've been eating human food for the past two days." Willow reminded him.
"Well, cereal and pancakes." Said Mabel. "You know, the man's right. We oughta treat you all to some classic Greasy's cuisine." She held the door as the four other teens entered.
Inside, they chose a booth and sat down. Lazy Susan greeted them almost immediately. "Hey, there, kids. Before I take your order, could I interest any of you in a free orange juice sample?" She held up a tray full of little paper cups of juice. "Hand-squeezed fresh every day by our waitress. I'll tell ya, that girl's got some tight fists."
"Orange juice? Where does it come from?" Gus asked.
"Orange guts." Susan replied cheerfully.
"Ooh, like apple blood!" Gus took a cup and sipped from it slowly. "I'll take three gallons of this, please."
"Susan, this is really good." Dipper agreed.
"My mouth just died and went to heaven." Luz announced.
"It'll be on the menu next month!" Susan told them. "Now, what do you kids like eating?"
Dipper and Mabel looked at the menu thoughtfully. "Susan, we'll have one of your cherry pies, please." Mabel decided. "A whole one! For the five of us!"
Susan scribbled their order down and left.
"Why pie? I've had pie. I like pie." Luz said.
"Where we come from, though, it screams in your face every time you approach it with a fork." Willow added. "I'm curious to see what it's like here."
"You guys haven't even had real pie until you've had some here." Mabel assured them.
"That's an oxymoron, by the way." Dipper added.
Mabel snorted and elbowed him. "No, you're an oxy-moron!"
Dipper rolled his eyes and laughed along with the others.
"Human humor. I like it." Gus said.
They laughed for a bit more until a cherry pie was suddenly slammed onto their table. "Here's your pie, dorks. Wait-Mabel? Dipper?"
The twins looked up to see a blonde girl in a waitress outfit standing by their table, hair done in a huge bun, hoop earrings swinging. "Pacifica?"
The youngest Northwest glanced awkwardly at them. "Yeah, it's me. My parents need my minimum wage to cover the costs of the new pony enclosure, can you believe it?"
"Wow, you really work here?" Dipper asked. "I mean, I haven't really seen you since the thing with the tree and the evil dachshunds…"
"And the falling and all that other stuff." Pacifica agreed. "Yeah. So, who are the cultists?" She gestured to the hooded strangers.
"Oh, this is Willow, Luz, and Gus, friends from another dimension!" Mabel introduced. The three witches waved.
Pacifica shrugged. "I mean, I shouldn't be surprised. Well, later, nerds. I've got even more oranges to squeeze." She waved dismissively and walked through the back employee door.
"Bye, Pacifica!" Mabel called.
"Yeah, see you around!" Dipper called, voice cracking two or three times. He laughed awkwardly and continued to laugh awkwardly for some time. "Heh, heh. Yeah. She's cool."
The four others looked at him in suspicion. "Uh oh." Said Mabel. "Now that was awkward, even for you."
"What? What are you saying?" Her twin asked.
"Dude! We're not dumb, you know." Said Gus.
"That was pretty adorable to watch." Said Willow. "You've got a secret crush!"
"Secret? Not that much of a secret." Mabel added.
"What? No, no. Guys, Pacifica and I are friends. Just friends." Dipper defended himself. "And we used to hate each other's guts. Still kind of do at times. So, Not. A. Crush."
Luz laughed. "Sure, sure. You were so nervous and red! You're actually acting a lot like my friend Amity." Luz gasped. "Wait, does that mean Amity has a secret crush? Aww! Ooh, I wonder who it is? She's pretty secretive about those kinds of things…"
Willow and Gus facepalmed, chuckling slightly.
"Guys! Enough about crushes! Let's enjoy this pie!" Dipper suggested.
"So weird to see it not screaming." Gus said. He took a bite. "Mmm! Okay, not an oxymoron, this is amazing!"
"You said it!" Luz agreed. "Can this day get any better?"
Mabel slammed her head into the slice she had claimed for herself, covering her face in cherries and cream. "Never!"
"Never better!" Luz agreed. The two started chanting: "Never better! Never better!"
Gus and even Willow joined them. "Never better! Never better!"
"Shut it and eat your pie!" A lizard-like dachshund called from across the room.
"Geraldine, that is not how we treat fellow customers!" Susan scolded.
"Apologies, Susan." The velochshund replied, going back to her meal.
The group stared at the dino-dog for a minute. Then, Dipper asked, "So-who's up for the arcade after this?"
"No idea what that is, but okay!" Gus agreed with an ear-splitting grin.
……
The Shack had never looked better. Stan had to admit it. There were new attractions everywhere, some even creepier and more puke-inducing than his. That Soos and his girlfriend really knew how to run this place. Not bad, kid. Not bad…
"You're muttering to yourself again." Called Ford from the table, ever immersed in his calculations and notebooks.
"Yeah, tone it down at bit, I just found that anime Luz mentioned in Mabel's suitcase, and the muttering isn't exactly welcome while I obsess over it!" King added from the living room.
Stan rolled his eyes and shuddered a little. "Little demon."
"I heard that!"
Both twins shuddered, then went back to what they were doing.
After some time, the door banged open as the four wild teens (and Dipper) reentered the Shack.
"Hey, family! Mystery twins and friends in the house!" Mabel declared.
"What a day!" Luz cheered.
"So many interesting places!" Willow added.
"I learned how to cross the street as a frog!" Gus announced.
"Yeah, yeah, welcome back, or whatever." Said Stan, looking up from examining a giant foot made of sandpaper in a glass case. "Where are the other two?"
"Lilith and Eda? They should have been back by now." Luz agreed, frowning. She turned her eyes to the living room where King sat watching the show at full volume. "Oh, well-hey, is that Shimmering Heroes season one? On VHS?"
"The sparkliest, magical-iest, mini-skirtiest Japanese show of all time!" Mabel affirmed. She hurried over to the living room, dragging Luz and the witches behind her.
"Wait, Mabel, wasn't that in your bag?" Dipper asked.
"Oh, yeah, I kinda found it. I ransack everyone's stuff all the time." Said King.
"Aw!" Said Mabel. "You've got the cutest little mischief face!" She hugged King and plopped down on Stan's chair with him to watch anime.
Dipper glanced uneasily at King. "Ookay."
A few minutes passed in which the only sound was the five destiny-bound magical super-heroines blasting down monsters and the super-hot, evil king with their magical laser swords. From the TV.
"Seriously, kid, aren't you, you know, worried about your mentor at all?" Stan suddenly asked from behind them.
"No, not really. Eda can handle herself in a jam." Said Luz. She turned around. "Why? Are you worried about her?"
"N-no. Like you said. Those gals are tough." Stan shakily agreed.
You'll never take me alive, Lord Darkness! The TV blared.
Ha, ha, that is where you are mistaken, Lady Glittersweet, for I have ULTIMATE POWER!!!!
"Okay, did anyone else notice how much that sounded like Rumble Mckskirmish, or?" Dipper asked.
"Shh!" The other five urged. "It's just getting good!" King whispered.
A few more minutes of anime went by. Finally, Stan stood up from his kitchen chair. "You know what? It's four o'clock! The witches should have been back hours ago! M-maybe I should go and try to find 'em…"
As he reached the front door, he was knocked over as it was unceremoniously thrown open by Eda and Lilith, covered in sticks and leaves. "Hi."
"Lilith! Eda! You're back!" Called Luz from the living room.
"Did you get the elixir?" Willow asked.
Lilith pulled a long twig out of her hair and casually tossed it behind her "Oh, we got enough to last another week, quite possibly two."
Eda nodded. "More than anticipated, but, well, when your only opposition is a teeny dog in a beret…"
"Uh, I don't know about where you come from, but here, people don't typically use their hosts as doormats." Came Stan's voice from the floor.
Eda looked down and realized she had been halfway standing on Stan's face after the door had knocked him down. "Agh! Whoops. I, uh, uh, here."
She grabbed his arm and sharply pulled him to his feet. "Yeah, sorry about that…" They now stood nose to nose. A few tense seconds inched by.
"This means nothing!" Eda said, backing away against the door.
"Agreed! Absolutely nothing!" Stan said. "Your fang is shiny!"
Eda inched across the wall, then jogged across the living room and plopped down on the floor next to Willow. "Oh, gosh, not Shimmering Heroes…"
Stan stat down next to Ford, Soos, and Dipper at the table across the room, head in his hands. "What was that? Seriously, what was that?"
"It was clumsy." Ford offered.
"Why do you even care?" Wondered Dipper. "I thought she was just, y'know, the witch you married once, or whatever."
Stan sighed. "Alright, fine. I'll tell ya just because the schemers are distracted. Maybe…maybe I like her a little more than I'm admitting. Heck, maybe a lot more. But, thing is, this is different from just having a thing for the local waitress or a crazed half-spider woman. If it's someone you already know and are through with, things are always bound to be…off between ya. They just are. Tell 'em, Sixer."
"I actually think you're being rather irrational." Ford objected. "Then again, I have little to no experience in this particular field…."
"Mr. Pines, I say go for it." Said Soos. "Before I met Melody, life was kind of…'eh'. You know? But now, it's like, I dunno, less 'eh', and more like, 'oh, yeah, that's pretty cool, dawg.' You know?"
"Yeah, what's the worst that could happen if you just ask Eda if she wants to get back together?" Dipper asked. "I mean, logically, what's the worst thing that could happen?"
"She could turn into the Owl Beast and swallow him whole in a few seconds flat." Soos offered.
"Yes, thank you for that, Soos." Dipper said dryly.
"The curse, while involuntary on her part, is somewhat off-putting." Ford murmured, agreeing.
Stan glanced nervously over to Mabel and Luz, who were still hyper-focused on Shimmering Heroes.
"Frankly, I think the beast look is good on her. It's kinda hot." He shrugged.
Wendy walked into the Shack at that moment to pick up her jacket on the counter. "Oho, are we finally talking about Stan's obvious crush on that witch?"
"Guys like me don't get 'crushes'." Stan replied defensively. The anime music suddenly doubled in volume from the show.
"What was that?" Wendy yelled, barely being heard.
"I SAID, GUYS LIKE ME DON'T-KIDS, FOR PETE'S SAKE, CAN YA TURN THAT DOWN?"
The magical sword of magic-ness! Lord Darkness's voice bellowed from across the room.
Yes, I do indeed have it! For my fallen mother gave it to me before she fell! I shall gently poke you with it so as not to disturb the younger audience!
Wait! A cloaked figure approached from over the mountain. Lori, don't do this to Lord Darkness!
Why not, Sailor?
Because…I LOVE HIM!"
Eda finally had had enough, stood up, and switched off the TV.
"Boo!" Called Mabel.
"Eda, why?" Gus mourned.
"Hey!" Called King. "Wait! I have to know what happens next!"
"Look, you kids are lucky my ears didn't fly off; that was so dang loud."
"Wait, can your ears actually do that?" Dipper asked, journal and pen at the ready.
"Nah." Eda said, flicking her wrist. Her hand flew off her arm and landed on the table, bone protruding. "Whoops."
Everyone at the table gasped and flinched as the hand wiggled its way across the table. Stan grabbed it gingerly and handed it back to its owner. "It's, uh, pretty. Nice hand ya got there, uh, sugar packet."
She twisted it back on with a raised eyebrow. "Thanks."
Ford frowned at his immense pile of papers and worksheets. "Hmm….Willow, could I see the plant that caused all of this?"
"Oh, sure." Willow hurried across the room and retrieved the strange flower from the entryway, bringing it back to Ford. "Here."
Ford began probing the leaves of the plant and studying it closely. "Well, that's not natural…" he murmured.
"What? What is it? H-how is it not natural?" Dipper eagerly inquired.
Ford examined the flower for a few more seconds. "I might have an idea." He grabbed the little pot containing the plant and entered the basement lab, rapidly muttering under his breath, Dipper following at his heels.
"Well, that was strange." Remarked Lilith.
"Yeah, he does that. Dipper too. I call it a nerd spasm." Stan said.
"It's usually a good sign, though." Mabel reminded everyone. "The more they nerd out, the faster big, important-ish stuff starts happening."
They all stood in silence for a few seconds, nearly a minute, glancing at each other, as if to say, any time now…
King climbed off the yellow chair and onto the table, where he managed to get up onto Eda's shoulder. From downstairs, they all heard a sudden shout from Dipper and Ford. "YES!"
"Right on cue! Let's go!" Luz said, standing up and racing for the vending machine, the other kids close behind. Stan and the two witches followed at a more leisurely pace, King now embedded in Eda's wild hair.
"Do you think this could be it? Are we finally going back home?" Gus asked as they felt their way down the dark, narrow staircase after the vending machine.
"Only one way to find out." Willow said. They stepped into the basement lab and gasped.
A swirling vortex greeted their eyes, the color of a topaz. It hovered a few feet from the ground, sprouting from the potted plant like a second stem. Several wires and tubes were affixed to the soil and pot around it. Dipper and Ford stood not far away, grinning like idiots, Dipper looking especially proud of himself.
"We did it! It was simple really, we hooked the plant up to the spare power core left over from scrapping the portal and harnessed the magic inside the stamen to produce an interdimensional transportation device. Then, we set the coordinates specifically to the Boiling Isles after we calculated the distance to your realm and what area of the universe it's in by looking at the roots-" he leaned confidently against a box-shaped machine. His hand slipped and he faceplanted into the ground with a yelp. "They were pretty much all Ford's ideas, of course." He said, voice muffled by the cold floor. He hastily sat up and brushed himself off.
"As Dipper partially explained, this makeshift portal will…well, no, he pretty much explained all of it." Ford said. "Hm. Anyway, this is highly unstable and untested magic meddling. Who want to go through first?"
Everyone glanced at each other nervously, before both Eda and Gus shoved Luz forward. "Okay…" she said, inching forward, reaching a hand out toward the shimmering golden mass. "We're just gonna…slowly…"
She tapped the substance with her finger. At once, there was a tremendous release of energy that threw her backward. A flash of light, similar to a light glyph, radiated across the room. Luz could even see the Boiling Isles' symbol for light branded into it.
Once the glare faded and the rush of heat ended. Luz stood up and tried again, with the same result.
"What's with this thing?" She asked, panting angrily.
"Uh, that's how you know it won't work." Dipper said. He turned to Ford. "I don't get it. We did everything right. We calculated the right distance."
"I can see the Owl House couch from here!" King moaned, eyes fixated on what was, indeed, the exact location on the other side of the portal. "It's so close!"
"What went wrong?" Ford wondered.
Luz glanced down at the plant, which was being devoured by a possum. Only a few stray leaves and petals remained. The possum started nibbling one the side on the pot and got electrocuted.
"Hey!" She called, while Willow gasped and dropped to her knees, fingering the plant.
"Hey! Shanklin Two!" Stan scolded. "I thought I only told ya to eat Bud Gleeful's roses! Shoo! Get! Out!"
The possum went scurrying out a hole in the side of a wall. Stan sighed. "Ugh. Possums."
Everyone gaped at the dead flower, which Willow was trying to bring back to life with spell circle after green spell circle. "It's not working! Why isn't my magic working?"
"A plant with special abilities such at those would be exceedingly rare, and very difficult to bring back by magic." Lilith decided. "Far beyond any Hexside student's level."
Willow sighed mournfully.
"Well, where are we gonna find another one, if they're so rare?" Soos asked.
"We don't." Said Ford. "Who knows if the Boiling Isles is even the specimen's realm of origin? We may have to build another portal or find another wormhole and scour the multiverse for millennia in order to find another one."
"Or we could just accept our fate and stay here." Eda said, shrugging.
Luz and her fellow Hexsidians shared a look of hopelessness.
"No!" Mabel said firmly. "No! We can't just give up on these guys! They need our help, and they're our friends! If we have to look at every realm in the multiverse, fine! We'll do it! Because these guys are going home, and to the right timeline, even if it kills us! Or them!" Mabel raised a triumphant fist in the air as she ended her speech. Everyone simply looked at her in confusion.
"My sister's right!" Dipper decided. "We're not giving up yet. I'll look through my journal and see if there's any plants similar to that one. Ugh. We can't keep calling it 'that plant'. Anyone know it's actual name? Or an idea for a name?"
"Winston!" Mabel called. "Or Waddles Two!"
"It's called a Transplant…" Willow called shyly.
"Chad." Wendy decided.
"Alright." Said Dipper. "So, uh, let's all split up and look for another Chad plant! Or research where they come from or whatever. Alright? Cool?"
"Including Shack employees?" Wendy asked hopefully.
Soos shook his head and gestured out the door. "Aw, man." Wendy said, following her boss up the stairs.
"That was very well done. You are a natural spokesman." Ford informed Dipper. Dipper squealed and almost faceplanted again.
"Thanks, Mabel. We appreciate it." Luz said, hugging her friend.
"Aw, shucks." Mabel said. "It was nothing. So, you guys wanna go set up and indoor mini-golf course?"
The witchlings followed her and Dipper up the stairs, Willow clutching the remains of Chad to her heart.
Stan found himself, once again, alone with his brother and two witches. He turned to Eda. "So, uh, I guess you're gonna stick around for a while."
"Yeah, I guess." Eda said, avoiding eye contact.
"Uh….yes." Stan agreed.
"Uh huh."
There was the sudden sound of glass being shattered from upstairs. Both guardians flinched.
"Oh, that was probably my human, doing something stupid." Eda said, inching toward the stairs.
"Yeah, my humans, too." Stan agreed. "Darn kids."
"Y-you coming up?" Eda called from halfway up the stairs.
"Oh, uh, like, with you? S-sure…"
Lilith and Ford glanced at each other, as if to say, 'Our dumb siblings..'