IMPORTANT: the headers with numbers (example: 1, 2, 3, etc.) represents the PRESENT while the headers with numbers written out (example: one, two, three, etc.) represent PAST events that happened in the last chapter in Catra's POV.
(Parts I and II - C)
8
Stray light passing through the drapes lining Catra's French door window wakes her up along with the unpleasant heat that trails down the side of her face. The slight burn of the sun leaves her face blotchy and red but what's killing her is the headache. While she hadn't drank much (nor is she a lightweight) the true headache comes from arranging her drunk friends into the tight space of her Honda Civic and getting them back safe. Scorpia crashes on the couch after giving out hugs to random people in passing while Entrapta taps out after tinkering with one of her gadgets (but at least this time there was no malfunction).
Catra is wary to check her phone and does so quickly—ripping off the band aid. There is one from Bow, just checking in, Perfuma, asking about Scorpia's safety, Glimmer, bombarding her with half a dozen calls and texts demanding she call her, and Adora who—
She decides it's too early to open the can of worms that is her relationship with Adora and shoves her phone into her drawer. Catra gets up to put on some lazy clothes to lounge around in. She's pulling on some fuzzy socks Mermista got her as a gag gift when there is buzzing coming from the drawer. She almost ignores it before she catches a glance of who's calling.
Catra answers the FaceTime request and is met with a worse for wear Regina—she's obviously just woken up, her head pokes out from beneath her fancy silk covers looking like a wilderness survivor who has just been found after months of being stranded. Her blonde hair is skewed at odd cow-licked angles, falling into her face, but the black and blue lining around her left eye is very noticeable. Catra flinches at the brutality; someone as soft as Regina having something so glaring on her delicate features.
"Good morning." Catra tries, but Regina grunts and ducks back under the covers.
"Fuck everything."
Catra shifts awkwardly, her phone feeling bulky in the palm of her hand. What's she supposed to say? Sorry my best friend clocked you in the face? Sorry I left to go help her in the bathroom while you lay in a daze on the floor?
"You good?" Catra asks instead like an idiot. It's not the best but it's better than what she's thinking.
"...how bad is it?"
"Not bad."
" Catra. "
"It's pretty gruesome." Catra wishes she could be there to pull Regina out from the covers to better reassure her. "But the doctor said your eye will be fine. And hey, at least she didn't break your nose right?"
Regina pokes her head out and glares at her. "It's not funny. I have to take a family portrait for Thanksgiving, we're having Antonio Ruiz fly out from Spain. Now I have to pull together all my alloy creams and pray for a miracle."
Catra makes a face. "Thanksgiving isn't until a couple weeks."
"Exactly. We take the portrait in advance so we don't look bloated."
"Bloated? Your entire family probably weighs less than 500 pounds."
"I'm glad you find this funny."
Catra tries to keep a straight face. "You're right, sorry...is the family portrait that important?"
"Yes of course. It hangs on the highest mantle of Harris Manor; the first thing you see walking into the terrace. We're taking it at our cabin on Mount Etheria because the auroras at night do wonders on the lighting." Regina takes a pause. "Maybe I can go up there this weekend to test out what kind of product I'll need to fix this bruise. Egg shell may seem like it works for anything but then, the next thing you know, you've got yellow blotches on your cheek because the painter used a bright background."
Catra chuckles. "That's specific."
"So it's settled!" Regina jumps up, suddenly rejuvenated. "We're going to my cabin this weekend to sort out the details."
"What? Why do I have to go?"
Regina narrows her eyes. " Your friend Anna—"
"Adora."
"—gave me a black eye. You literally can't say no."
Catra sighs. "Regina I can't just take off for the weekend to go live in the mountains. I have class Monday."
"Your class isn't until the afternoon, and today is Friday. If we get there tonight we can leave Sunday morning and be back in the afternoon." Something catches Regina's attention on the other side so she speaks in a rush, "I've gotta go, my Givenchy sweater isn't where I left it. I swear, I am going to kill Gretchen!"
Catra pulls the phone away when Regina starts elicit shouting at her roommate.
Regina says, "I've got to go but just think about it" before she ends the call.
Catra doesn't know what to think about that so she slinks out from her room to see how much damage control is needed. Scorpia's awake, scrolling through her Instagram feed of cute animals, still sprawled out on the couch while Entrapta downs a bottle of water on the loveseat adjacent.
"Hey, you guys feel alright?"
Scorpia grunts, "wildcat please stop yelling."
"Okay," Catra whispers dramatically "do we have any eggs?"
"No, we used them all for the prototype, remember?"
"Oh yeah." In hindsight it was a terrible idea to use all the good eggs to test their catapult arm for the upcoming race but on the other hand it was awesome to egg Weaver's old orphanage. "Worth it," Catra says while she goes into the kitchen in search of something edible.
Scorpia asks after a long moment. "So, not that we were eavesdropping or anything, you know our apartment walls are super thin—"
"3 ½ inches wide." Entrapta supplies.
"So we couldn't help but hear about you going to Mount Etheria tonight."
Catra slumps into a seat at the kitchen table, settling for an apple left out in the fruit basket. "She wants me to go but I think I'm gonna pass. I need to be here."
"No, you don't."
"...just in case something happens."
"Catra. It's not your job to take care of her." Scorpia's voice chills the room. "Glimmer gave me a heads up this morning when you didn't answer her messages."
Catra feels her claws dig into the apple. Catra recalls a time where she would've thrown the apple across the room, decking Scorpia in the face, or breaking one of Entrapta's gadgets she'd worked so hard on, in the blink of an eye and not having a care in the world about who get hit in the crossfire. Back then she was broken glass, hurting whoever got close enough; especially when they were trying to pick up the pieces. But she's not glass anymore.
"What'd Glimmer tell you?"
"Everything."
Catra loses her appetite to the burning in her chest—it travels, branching out like a wildfire until she's burnt all over. Her voice is thick with the smoke, "oh."
"Catra." Scorpia is closer than before and Entrapta isn't far behind. "Sometimes letting go—"
Catra shakes her head.
"—you have to listen, you always tell us the truth so now I'm repaying the favor. Sometimes letting go hurts, and you think it's the wrong thing to do, but you have to do it. Glimmer said you were shaking last night. And it would be different if this was a one time thing where Adora made a mistake but you've punished yourself for years with her."
"...she's my best friend, Scorpia. I can't just leave her. We look out for each other."
"I didn't say leave her. Just get some space until you can be around her without feeling like you have to hold yourself back. Everyone sees the way you tiptoe around her and it shouldn't be like that."
Catra traces the simple red lined case of her phone with the brush of a finger while she lets Scorpia's words settle. She accidently touches the screen and can't stop herself from looking at the wave of messages that are still coming through; Glimmer's are the most prominent although she's done with being kind and is demanding Catra answer the phone before she punches her through it.
"Who are you texting?" Scorpia asks.
"Glimmer," she shows them her screen "just letting her know I'm fine." She sends it quickly and can't help but skimp down to the two short texts Adora sent the night before but Entrapta snatches her phone. "Hey!"
"No texting Adora!"
"I was just going to see if she's okay."
Scorpia says, "Adora has Bow and Glimmer with her, she's fine. And you, you're moving on. Adora blinds you to everything around you. You were so obsessed with Adora freshman year you didn't even notice I had a crush on you!"
"Wait, you what ?"
"The point is, you've gotta move on, wildcat. Entrapta help me out here."
"Madness."
"What?"
"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get different results. It's madness."
"Exactly, so let's do something different!" Scorpia is suddenly far more enthusiastic for someone who has a hangover. "We should go to Regina's cabin on Mount Etheria. It'll be a nice break."
Entrapta takes out a notepad and pen. "Hmm, it would be interesting to test the lengths of how much altitude can affect the model designs I've made for the wings—" she trails off into scattered mumbles as she furiously jots notes down.
"What do you think?" Scorpia looks hopeful.
"Okay, fine whatever. I'll text Regina. Can I have my phone back before Entrapta uses it as a detector?"
"Hey, it's not my fault your detector was too weak to handle the light passing through my spectroscope!"
Scorpia hands her phone back. "One text to Regina getting all the details but after this I'm keeping your phone until we get back. This is meant to be a relaxing getaway."
Catra rolls her eyes but does as she's told.
Catra: I'm in
Regina gets back to her in less than a minute.
Regina: great! It'll be so fun, we'll order whatever gross takeout you want. No fancy foods. I'll pick you up at five
Catra: It's cool if Scorpia and Entrapta tag along right?
There are typing bubbles constantly appearing and disappearing. Eventually Regina settles on:
Regina: no problem!
Catra sighs, "guess we're going on a—"
"Roadtrip!" Scorpia winces at her own voice. "Okay, too loud…"
One
It takes Catra getting a B- on her first Biochem quiz to finally take Lonnie up on her offer she gave at Glimmer's party a couple months back.
Catra: Hey I'm Catra, Lonnie's friend, she said you could help me out with Shark's class?
Regina: You're the grumpy one she told me about
Catra snorts at Lonnie's astute observation.
Regina: What section are you guys on?
Catra: Learning about amino acids and primary structure. I didn't get a terrible grade on the quiz but that shit builds up. Can you help me out?
Regina: I'm free tomorrow at noon. We can meet up at the library.
Catra: Thanks, I appreciate this.
Regina: One last thing
Regina: Wear pink
Catra: Huh?
Regina: Shit, sorry, that was for this new girl who moved into our apartment. Ignore this.
Catra: Too late, I'm scared and intrigued.
Regina: The less you know the better.
9
Regina picks them up around five in her Jeep Grand Cherokee, and it should've been Catra's first clue that this weekend was going to be a shit show. Normally when she hangs out with Regina they ride around in her sleek BMW, with the nice heated leather seats, or the Porsche, with the top down enjoying the wind in their hair. But today, Regina rolls up in a Jeep. Something the everyday person can afford; how Catra fails to notice the signs of her demise is beyond her.
It doesn't hit Catra until Scorpia is tapping her awake a couple hours in. "Wildcat, you gotta look at this view!"
Catra takes a moment to blink away the sleep from her eyes. When she comes to her senses her tail puffs up and a hiss threatens to slip from her mouth. There is snow, for miles , and they're driving towards it—closer to the high mountains where it accumulates the most. Thinking back, it did strike her as strange that Scorpia was packing their heavy coats but with everything going on Catra hadn't thought much of it.
"That's a lot of snow." Catra mutters.
Regina smiles. "That's how you know we're getting close, the entrance is just another mile. If you think this is snow wait until we get inside the resort."
"I thought it was your family's cabin?"
"It is but we also own a private ski resort a couple miles out. Wait until I show you guys the slopes, you'll love it."
Scorpia squeals. "I've always wanted to go skiing!"
"We can test out to boosters!" Entrapta exclaims with glee.
Meanwhile Catra sulks deeper into her seat in the passenger. "Great," she mutters to herself.
True to Regina's word, they reach the entrance point for the ski resort in a few short minutes. It's unnervingly dark outside but the lantern lights tied in an organized pattern guides them closer to civilization. Regina slows the car as they get off the gravel and onto the fresh snow as she pulls them away from the resort. It's pretty late, probably around ten at night, so everything is shut down.
"Wow, this is your cabin?" Scorpia asks in awe.
"I know, it's really small. I promise the one in Europe is way bigger than this." Regina says as she parks in front.
The front of the cabin is rare in its distinct triangle frame—similar to the triangle cutter people use at the bar when they're playing billiards. Inside the frame are eight fixed framed windows, four piled on top and four piled below in perfect sequence. Catra can see the chandelier greeting them with its bright light, giving her an easy peek at the fireplace on the left of the living room. She sees smoke come out from the chimney and knows the house preheated for their arrival.
Regina smiles at her. "I have a grounds keeper who takes care of the cabin when our family is away, I asked him to put a fire on when we got close so everything would be all warmed up for us. Come on, let's head inside, we don't want to be out with the bears."
"Bears?" Scorpia is suddenly moving faster than Catra's ever seen her. "Can we get the bags in the morning when it's less dark and terrifying?"
"Yeah, I have blankets and some spare clothes for bed."
They trudge through the snow like the city kids they are, almost toppling over more than a couple times, but they eventually do make it inside. Catra is instantly hit with warmth and feels safe enough to hang her coat up on the rack while ditching her beanie.
"There are six rooms, you can pick which one," Regina says distractedly. "I am going to my room to fish for my alloys." She scurries up the steps and leaves them alone to gawk around at the polished wood and brick.
Catra lounges on the sofa and hears Scorpia's phone vibrating from the table. It's been going off a lot like that, on the drive over Catra can't count how many times the vibration woke her up. Thinking of her interrupted sleep reminds her how exhausted she is so she forces herself not to pass out on the couch and stands up with a sleepy wobble. "Hey, I'm going up to bed."
Scorpia barely looks up from her phone. "Okay, goodnight!"
Catra grunts "goodnight" and goes into the first room she finds before knocking out above the sheets.
Two
Catra's heard that when people don't rebel during their adolescence it follows them into adulthood. Following in the sense that one day some thirty year old man is partying at all hours of the day, neglecting all responsibility. But she guesses it can also be known as a mid-life crisis.
Catra's acted out far too many times to count so it surprises when out of the blue she's thinking about getting her nipples, of all things, pierced. It's a fleeting thought but a thought nonetheless. She'd usually text Adora when she randomly comes up with these ideas but things between them are weird and this seems a little too personal than what Adora would ever want to sign up for. So she texts the person who has become her diary.
Horde Scum: thinking of getting my nipples pierced
It's alarming how quick Glimmer responds.
Sparkles: do it.
Horde Scum: wow, you have worse impulse control than I do
Horde Scum: it was just a thought, I don't even know if it would look good
Sparkles: babe you're almost as hot as I am
Catra rolls her eyes but can't stop herself from smiling.
Sparkles: but seriously, anything looks good on you and it's kind of annoying
Horde Scum: more annoying than you using my shampoo last week?
Sparkles: lmao
Sparkles: I forgot mine and Scorpia has this weird floral scent Perfuma gave her that messes with my allergies and I'm convinced Entrapta has some weird chemical in her bottle [crying emoji]
Horde Scum: it's coconut
Sparkles: oh lol [shrug emoji]
10
The next morning they get up around 10 o'clock to start unloading the bags from the truck. Regina keeps inside, something about not being equipped for physical labor, and Entrapta grabs her gadgets from the trunk before scurrying back inside to tinker. This leaves Catra and Scopia alone by the car as they start with the lighter bags piled on top of the heavy ones.
Catra huffs, "stupid bags, stupid snow, stupid mountains—"
"You okay? You normally don't start ranting about stupid things until at least noon."
Catra gives up trying to pull out Regina's makeup case and sits on the trunk ledge. "Regina wants me to go skiing with her today."
"That sounds fun!"
"It's too cold to do anything," Catra wraps her arms tighter around her body.
Entrapta comes barreling back to the truck. "Don't mind me, just forgot one of my bags." Catra pulls her by the fur lined hood of her coat before she can run off again.
"Not so fast Miss Gadget, you're helping us with the rest of these bags. If I have to be cold and miserable then you do too."
"It's not so bad," Scorpia says, "give it a chance and I bet you'll—" her phone starts going off again and Catra has to ask.
"What's going on?"
Scorpia starts. "What do you mean?"
"Your phone. It hasn't stopped going off since we got here. Is something up?"
Entrapta nods.
Scorpia shakes her head.
"Okay, I'm getting some seriously mixed signals here. Is everyone alright? Do we need to head back so we can—"
"No!" Scorpia lowers her voice when a couple hikers look their way. "...no, okay, you came here to have time away from everything and that's what you're going to get. Nothing's going to ruin this weekend. You can count on me!"
Catra blinks owlish. "Yeah okay...can you carry this? I'm still jet lagged."
"It was only a three hour drive you baby," Regina says, overhearing the short end of their conversation as she walks over dressed to the nine in her hot pink ski get up. She nudges Catra in the shoulder in passing. "Come on, let's go hit the slopes."
Scorpia gives her an encouraging smile so Catra pushes off the trunk. "Fine, but I have never been skiing a day in my life so please don't kill me."
"Yeah we'll take it easy, let's get our ski's and then try out the chair lift. There's a great view I want you to see and the line gets pretty long so it's good to go early."
Catra asks, "you guys coming?"
"We'll meet you down there, just wanna get these bags inside and maybe get some breakfast." Scorpia says.
"Alright," Catra nods to Regina "my delicate life is in your hands."
"You're so dramatic."
Three
Catra tries not to think about the crestfallen expression Adora has when she finds out about the racing gig she does with Scorpia and Entrapta on the side. It wasn't intentional, her not inviting Adora, and she knows how much they both enjoy competition, but Catra doesn't know how to act around her anymore. She could do it in highschool when it was just a crush but then, like the changing of leaves in fall, her crush changed. And it was easy during the years of their fallout, easy to focus on the pain and rage, misguided and directed at Adora, but now all the rough ends have been shaved away leaving behind polished wood—smooth and sanded. There is no more hate to boil, instead something else stews.
Catra had fooled herself to think she'd ever hated Adora.
"Hey, sorry that took so long."
Regina smiles up at her as Catra joins her in the seat across from her in the busy library. "No worries. Your friends can join us if you want." She nods her head to the other side of the room where some blonde keeps glancing their way; anything but discrete.
"Nah, they probably aren't your type of crowd." Catra admits, taking out her textbook and notes.
Regina clucks her tongue, crossing her arms as she leans in closer. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
"You're all pink and rich," Catra frowns, "actually you do remind me of one friend. But you still wouldn't have anything in common with her."
"Humor me."
"Okay...what do you do on Friday nights?"
"Last week I went on a shopping spree in Montreal with my friends. Just some last minute holiday shopping."
Catra shakes her head. "See? That isn't something normal people do on a Friday night."
Regina giggles. "I'm just fucking with you, we went to that diner across from campus. The bread sticks are good."
Catra actually smiles. "Okay, you got me, maybe you do have something in common with my friends...we're having a movie night Friday at my apartment if you're up for it." She doesn't normally get along with people right away but Regina seems to be hiding something beneath her pearls and Catra's curious to see.
Regina agrees, "I'll bring grilled salmon."
Catra almost regrets the invitation before Regina snorts—
"Just kidding, I'll pick up some ranch Doritos."
11
In her defense, she told Regina she has never been skiing a day in her life.
After they get their skiing gear on Regina teaches her the basics, just how to move around enough so she can get out of the way if anyone comes towards her at full speed. And once Catra is able to go five minutes without falling Regina takes them to the ski chair lift; it's still pretty early, close to noon, so the line isn't too long. And Catra has to admit the view is pretty nice up here, almost makes up for the biting cold and numbing of her toes. Almost.
"Okay," Regina says as their chair begins to touch the ground, "and now you just slip off nice and easy. Try not to jump down, but do more of a gentle push forward so you don't go barreling down the mountain."
Catra gulps. "Barreling...that sounds bad."
"Alright, let's go, I want to show you the ramp. They've got some good skiers today who love doing tricks." Regina gets off the lift with the gentle push she described while Catra clutches at the seat and backs out. "Catra! You're supposed to let go!" She tries to reach out but the lift is already turning Catra around and sending her back up the mountain.
"I panicked!"
Regina calls out between her fit of laughter, "I'll wait for you down here!"
She hadn't done it on purpose, but she has to admit she enjoys seeing the view for a second time. Growing up she'd always climb to the highest place of every tree, roof, fire escape, just restless to climb. Looking up at the stars, the roads lit by streetlights, Catra used to think she lived at the top of the world. How foolish she was to think the Horde, of all places, was the best the world had to offer.
Catra breaks from her revere when she spots something below the lift. She's pretty high up, to the point that it's kind of hard to identify someone from down there but there's no mistaking it. Someone jumps into the bushes on the side of the ski slope just as she turns her head in their direction.
"Seahawk?" Catra rubs her eyes mumbling, "I'm more jet lagged than I thought."
Four
"Yo," Catra greets Glimmer at the door. "What took so long? I almost thought about watching it without you."
Glimmer huffs, dumping a bag of snacks on Catra's coffee table. "The stupid bridge was up again."
"I told you—"
"You know I'm bad with directions!"
Catra plops down next to her on the couch and doesn't dare argue; it's an endless battle. Instead, she logs into Scorpia's Netflix account and starts playing Black Mirror: Bandersnatch . It's a show Rogelio told them about a couple weeks ago, something about being able to control what the main character does and decide the ending of the show.
Glimmer grabs the remote and hits pause. "Wait, I need to talk to you about something."
"What's up?"
Glimmer takes a breath. "I need you to stop avoiding Adora."
Catra tenses. "...Glimmer."
"I know," she says in a hush "I'm asking a lot from you and I get that it hurts but you're both my best friends so it's hard seeing you two miserable. She misses you and I know you miss her too."
Catra digs her claws into the shoulder of the couch. "I just...I don't know how to act around her anymore."
"Just act how you did before, nothing special." Glimmer waits a moment before saying, "I know you're trying to move on but by protecting yourself you're hurting her. I know you love her too much not to have her in your life so...I'm not saying suck it up because your situation isn't that simple but, can you at least try? For Adora."
Catra closes her eyes but nods. "Okay."
For Adora.
Movie night is nothing short of a disaster. Scorpia gets nightmares just by looking at the cover of the movie Catra originally picks out so they have to go with some lame slasher film. She doesn't understand how anyone is buying this crap; even Glimmer, her diary, her confidant, dare she say her equal, is jumping at the ill timed scares.
When another kill scene comes up, with blood so fake Catra swears it may be ketchup, she goes to whisper something snarky to Regina but the blonde is clutching the throw pillow for dear life. So Catra keeps it to herself and tries to focus on the movie until she gets bored again by the poor graphics. She looks around the room instead, only two people seem unaffected by the film; Mermista, who's close to falling asleep, and Adora.
Catra hesitates, thumb flicking back and forth on Adora's contact name. She realizes now just how right Glimmer is; Catra can't recall a time in her childhood when she hesitated to just strike up a random conversation with Adora. So she shakes off whatever nerves she has left over and takes a leap.
Catra: this movie sucks
She feels like she needs to defend herself.
Catra: I promise this isn't from my collection but the one I picked had a cover so frightening it gave Scorpia nightmares so we had to change it last minute
For a moment Adora doesn't respond which is dumb because Catra can see her across the room just staring at her phone like the idiot she is. Catra rolls her eyes and goes for another tactic, something she knows will get her attention.
Catra: come on, don't tell me you're actually buying any of this. Has your time with Sparkles made you soft?
It elicits an immediate response. And for a while it's nice, they haven't randomly texted each other in so long but they easily fall back into their banter. But then Adora's passive aggressively bashing Regina for reasons Catra can't even begin to understand. And Catra tries to smooth it over, makes a joke about how she and Glimmer became friends even though she once thought Sparkles was soft; and it's getting back to the safe place Catra needs it to be at. Then Adora's joking back and calling her crazy; this is fine. This is the way it's always been, nothing new.
Catra: lol I think we established that after I egged your house after our fight
But then Adora's texting things like—
Adora: maybe I like a little crazy
Things that make Catra foolishly hope for the situation to be different.
Catra: lol whatever
12
Eventually Catra does get down from the ski lift and spends most of the day trying not to bust her ass on the slopes. Regina is a good teacher though and catches her wherever she starts to tip over; she only let her fall once as revenge for making her have to wait for Catra while she went back to the mountaintop on the ski lift.
Scorpia and Entrapta catch up with them around 1 o'clock and take up skiing lessons from Regina too. It gives Catra time to catch her breath and watch her friends get tripped up in the snow just as she did. Scorpia is the best out of the two of them, no surprise, and naturally glides on the snow.
"Is there anything to eat around here?" Catra asks when her stomach growls.
Regina nods. "Yeah, inside the lodge, they have a couple food places lined up. I'm actually hungry too."
"Hey," Catra calls out so Scorpia can hear from where she's helping Entrapta with her form "we're getting some food if you two are hungry!"
"We ate before we came but we'll see you at the cabin!"
Catra shrugs. "Can I drop this equipment off now? This ski suit is as heavy as it looks."
"You should keep it on, it'll get us to the cafeteria faster and the sun drops faster up here."
They ski over to the lodge and drop their ski's off in some storage room before going to the cafeteria. They settle for a large pizza with pepperoni and get one of the booths near the window so they can keep an eye out for the sun. It's setting but there's enough light to guide them back to the cabin so they decide to stay for a couple more minutes.
"So, did your alloys work?"
Regina gently pokes at her face, wincing. "Yeah, I can barely tell I have a black eye when it's on but the pain is still there."
"About that...I want to apologize for Adora. I wasn't going to, I thought she'd do it for herself but...I guess I just don't know her well enough these days. But I know she's not like that, I'm usually the one to punch first and ask questions later. I just don't know what's up with her."
"Come on, Catra. You're a lot of things but dense is not one of them."
"Okay?"
Regina rolls her eyes. "She's into you."
Catra feels like she's been punched in the chest, the air leaves her lungs and she scrambles to suck it back up. In the madness, she laughs. "You think Adora has feelings for me?"
"It's not so crazy."
Catra shakes her head. "She's straight. She hasn't dated anyone...ever. But in highschool she went to prom with this asshole, Tucker."
"That was four years ago."
"No, even if she's not straight—"
"She isn't."
"We're just friends." Catra has spent years convincing herself of this fact. She convinces herself just like she seems to convince Regina.
Five
It's close to 4pm, near the time the campus starts closing most of their stores, and Catra's waiting for Regina to take her order at a coffee spot on campus so they can go over some nonsense Dr. Stark went over in class today. Catra isn't into coffee so she orders a fruit smoothie with some chocolate chip cookies to give her energy to get through this brainstorming session. She's flipping through the pages in the book that'll hopefully help her outline this assignment when a freshman (she can tell by the hope in his eyes) walks up to her with his fingers knotting together nervously.
"Uhm, excuse me? You're friends with Adora right?"
Catra says her practiced speech. "I can't get you an autograph or a picture."
"Oh no, it's not that—"
"I can't get you free tickets to any of her games for friends you have who don't go to school here."
He says in a rush, "I actually wanted to see if you could give me some advice about asking her out."
Catra frowns. "Why're you asking me?"
"You're her best friend, right? She's always with you at parties and school events so I figured you'd know what she's into. Can you help me out?"
Catra would normally end this with a remark with just enough snark and aggression to leave the overzealous underclassmen running with his tail between his legs but it is October so she's feeling generous.
"What does Adora like?" Catra asks, leaning back into the stiff splintered coffee house chair; it squeaks as she shifts to and fro, weighing out her options. "She loves clowns."
The underclassmen blinks owlishly. He gapes, eyebrows knitting together into an innocent frown; she almost feels bad for the kid. A few more years, enough time to grow out that peach fuzz, and he could really be something on the dating scene.
"Clowns?"
Catra isn't sure if he's buying it but still refuses to show her cards. "She's really into them if you know what I'm saying."
"Really?" The underclassmen is still a little baffled but Catra notices the pink tinting his cheeks.
No way .
"Yeah," Catra runs with it full heartedly now. "You know what would be great? If you wore clown shoes and showed up with one of those flowers that sprays water in people's faces. She'd get a kick out of it. She once told me that's how she wished her prom-posal would've gone in high school."
"I don't have clown shoes—"
Damn.
"But I do have a red nose that makes a noise when you squeeze it."
"Yes. Wear that."
The underclassmen looks energized. "Great! Thanks for the advice, I think the theatre club might be able to help me out with the flower; I've gotta go before they pack everything up. Thanks again!"
Catra nods, whispering "no, thank you" under her breath as he practically runs out of the store.
When Regina comes back from taking her order she's a bit startled by the outstretched smile on Catra's face. "I don't like that smile."
Catra smiles wider.
"I changed my mind. Tell me everything."
Six
Catra's scrolling through her Instagram mindlessly after posting a picture with her track team because apparently Glimmer said she hasn't posted in ages. She's just getting done watching some video of Seahawk catching someone's car on fire when she sees Adora repost an old picture. Adora's lounging in her school hoodie with her hair pulled back into her iconic ponytail; the picture catches her laughing off guard. Her cheeks are stained red from laughing so hard and the sight takes Catra's breath away.
Catra likes it.
13
"Can I be blunt?"
"This whole time you haven't been?" Catra jokes.
Regina smiles naturally and stops them at the cabin door. She steps up to Catra, so close Catra can see the freckles littering her nose. "I think you're hot."
"Wow, talk dirty to me."
Regina hides her face. "Yeah that was pretty bad."
Catra pries the hands away from her face. "It's fine, I've heard worse. Now what did you really want to say?"
"I like you, okay. Do you see me? People are usually tripping over themselves but you're all aloof, and oblivious, and—"
"I am not oblivious."
"You're distracted." Regina corrects. "You're into Anna."
"Adora—and no, I'm not." Catra looks away. "I used to be for a while but she doesn't feel the same and I'm done chasing after someone who doesn't want me."
"So?"
"I'm over her."
"You promise?"
Catra's breath hitches and suddenly she stumbles on her words "I...there's nothing there."
Regina seems satisfied with her answer. "Then prove it. Meet me in my room when you're done washing up; I don't want you tracking mud on my Nylon rug. And get some wine from the cellar."
"And people say I'm bossy."
"What's wrong with knowing what I want and taking it?"
It's refreshing, and liberating, to feel wanted. The difference is striking—Adora does everything for everybody but when it comes to her own desires she never acts. Catra has carried the load of wanting for Adora, and for herself, but she's tired. If Regina is willing to carry her weight then who is Catra to deny her?
Catra didn't see much of love or relationships growing up in the Horde. Weaver kept to herself without the company of men, or women, and so Catra only caught glimpses on the street. She isn't sure she knows how to love or be loved but she thinks she can do it as long as she has help. As long as she's not carrying it all on her back, trembling from the weight. But now, staring at Regina, Catra feels lighter.
"Nothing," Catra finally says "there's absolutely nothing wrong with knowing what you want."
Seven
When Adora kisses her in the bathroom Catra kisses back because it's Adora and no matter how much she tries to deny it, she's still in love with her and she doesn't think it's ever going to change. The kiss is perfect, and it frightens her how it feels like everything. And Adora wants it so much; she's never seen her want anything.
She's pulling at Catra's hair while she runs her nails down Adora's thighs. But when Adora says her name, in a hushed whine, her words are slurred. Ice shoots down Catra's spine and she quickly removes herself before she bursts into tears.
"I'll get Glimmer to take you home," she barely manages to say.
Adora doesn't look up, she keeps her eyes in her lap while her fingers trace the marks left behind by Catra's claws—suddenly she feels sick.
"Okay."
Catra finds Glimmer just as she's coming up the stairs and Glimmer can tell right away something is wrong. "Catra…"
"I have to go, Glim, I can't…" she struggles to breathe let alone speak. "Adora's in the bathroom can you make sure she gets back safe? Because I just can't anymore."
Glimmer grabs her hands to stop Catra from clawing at her scalp. "What happened?"
Catra shakes her head, crying. "I shouldn't have...I'm sorry..."
Glimmer doesn't ask about it again, but she does stay with Catra until she calms down enough to clean up her face. Glimmer shoots a text to Perfuma and gets her to help Catra with carrying Scopia, Entrapta, and a slumped Regina to the car.
"Do you need me to help you get them home?"
Catra shakes her head, voice hoarse "no I'm good just, go check on Adora, please."
Glimmer says, "text me when you get home."
Catra promises to do so, distracting herself from the pain of this night by getting her friends back safe.
14
Catra finally dumps the heavy snow gear on the coat rack and leans her boots up against the door. She moves over to the fire and rubs her hands together to get circulation going before she goes to the wine cellar that's conspicuously hidden beneath the foot of the stairs. She's not into wine, more into liquor that burns her throat on the way down, so she randomly picks something red and heads back to the living room.
On the way back to the living room she notices a note left behind from Scorpia addressed to her taped to the table.
Hey wildcat! Everything's fine! Entrapta and I made a lot of progress on the model for our next race so we want to keep the momentum going. We're not far, just a clearing a few minutes out from the cabin testing the speed of these boosters. Don't wait up.
-Scorps
Everything is not fine. The sun set an hour ago; yesterday Scorpia was too afraid to carry the bags into the house when it was dark but today she's testing boosters with Entrapta in the dead of the night? Alarm bells instantly go off and before she knows it, Catra is pulling her coat back on even though her body protests at the weight. She clips her snow boots back on and swings the door open without a real plan.
Her stomach does an annoying leap because on the other side of the door, with her hand posed to knock, is Adora. She startles at the door swinging open but looks relieved when she sees Catra.
"Catra," Adora takes the breath from her lungs—ripping at her soul like a dementor in the night; it's terrifying, and dangerous, and thrilling . She smiles, and that's all it takes for Catra to backslide. "Hey."
"What are you doing here?" She doesn't mean to sound rude but she's tired from playing in the snow all day, she's worried about the cryptic note Scorpia left, and she doesn't have the energy for whatever made Adora come all the way up here.
Adora's holding a black box in her hand and it's just big enough to fit in her palm. She slips the box in her pocket, not trying to keep it hidden just giving her hands the freedom to talk. Catra knows this is going to be a long conversation; it always is when Adora talks with her hands because it leads to rambling. But Adora doesn't ramble, her question is curt.
"Does Regina know you at all?"
Catra frowns. "What…"
"She invited you to Mount Etheria when the snow's at its worst. You hate the cold. Look, you're shivering even when you have a thousand pound snow coat on," Adora laughs.
Catra huffs, "how did you even get up here? This is a private resort."
Adora looks away. "I may have...punched the guy at the front gate."
"You punched the security guard? Adora what the hell! You can't keep punching people to solve your problems, we're not in the Horde anymore."
"Sometimes I wish we were."
Catra's face twists. "...Adora, why are you here?"
"Can we talk?" Adora asks with a slight tremble in her voice.
The aurora sets over them, basking them in blue and green hues—painting them in the act. Catra digs her nails into the frame of the door; she can't take the way Adora's looking at her right now. It's the same look she's seen far too many times in a mirror of blue.