It's (you're) different

by Drawinganimemaster

Something hot bubbles in her throat, she's afraid it'll come tumbling out if she opens her mouth so she keeps it cradled shut. Her jaw shakes, teeth clattering as if an impossible chill has crept up on her but the windows are shut, in fact there's fog on the mirror—it must be her. She's cold from the inside; it's leaking out, something green...It's her revelation and it's tainted.

4. Part II - A

(Part II - A)

9

BU is constantly growing as students come from all walks of life to give themselves room to grow in an ever changing environment. The science department received an additional floor to their building, meaning more laboratory rooms for classes and student research opportunities. Other departments like the School of Business and the Arts don't get building additions because their courses are a lot more flexible (students can have a lecture in any room but the same can't be said for mixing hazardous chemicals) but they do receive additional grants.

It's nearing the end of the first semester and the school is adding on to the gardens that line the sidewalks of the student apartments; clipped grass and saw dust will linger long after the work is complete. The next step in their garden project is to transport all the manure over to the apartment complexes on eight wheeled trucks—the ones that make noise even when they've stopped at a red light.

The trucks are backing up, ready to dump the fertilizer on the freshly planted rose beds, startling Adora awake. She nearly falls to the floor in her scramble to shut the window and block out the noise. It's muffled now but still just as loud; the beeping of the truck matches the pounding of her head as the alcohol from the night before takes its toll.

There's a glass of water, with a sticky note stuck to the front, sitting on her bedside table. Adora gulps the entire glass and comes up thirsty despite her best efforts. She's contemplating braving the walk to the kitchen to replenish her glass when she stops short after reading the note.

Come see me when you're feeling up to it. We need to talk.

-Glimmer

A chill creeps up her spine, but her lips feel like they're burnt to a crisp. A memory lost—no, not lost, distorted—tugs at the forefront of her mind, but something is keeping it at bay. Something's protecting it—her. And that's just what the brain does; when someone has a traumatic experience the brain often blocks it off by distorting the memory; in rare situations people have gaps in their memory with alternate personality disorders who step in to the line of fire.

Adora sits at the edge of her bed and tries to remember, but all she gets are flashes of yellow and the sound of a leaky faucet. The chill creeps down her waist and makes itself at home in her thighs until she rubs at them to rid the cold. Adora stops halfway through the motions, she can feel the grooves beneath her fingers and when she looks down she sees four jagged welts running down each top of her thigh.

Then the freight train hits.

"...no," Adora shakes her head until she gets dizzy in the head. She remembers the kiss—Catra pulling away. "No, no, no…" she whispers until it becomes a shout and then a choked out moan into a wrenching sob. She slides down to the floor and wraps herself up in her arms but she still feels cold. "I've ruined everything...it's all my fault...she's never gonna talk to me again…"

Glimmer barges in during her mantra and it startles Adora enough to make her cease. She expects Glimmer to drop down and wrap arms around her like she had the night before but she's met with more ice.

"You're up then." Glimmer tosses her a bottle of water but Adora doesn't make a move to catch it so it goes rolling underneath her bed. "We need to talk."

Adora pushes her hair back, she lost her hair tie when she was tossing and turning in bed and doesn't have the energy to look for it. "Glimmer, it's too early for this…"

"Then I'll make it fast." Glimmer sits on the chair near Adora's desk and levels with her. "I love you, you know you're like a sister to me and I'd do almost anything for you...but enough is enough. You have to let her go."

This is the last thing she needs to hear. Adora shakes her head like a child afraid of hearing the truth about Saint Nick.

"You're hurting her, Adora."

And she laughs at that because, "I'm hurting! You think I like not knowing what my best friend is up to or not having the luxury of calling her out of the blue just to talk?"

"You kissed her!" Glimmer shouts. "Do you even know why? Was it just something you wanted to try?"

"No, I...I don't know—"

"Exactly. You don't even know. You can't play with people's emotions like that."

"She's the one who said it was a mistake."

"You were drinking and she thought she was taking advantage of you," Glimmer slips up in an impossible way. "Catra loves you. She's been hung up on you since the moment I met her, and I wasn't close with her at first so I didn't care about the pining but it has to stop. Do you know how much she's cried over you? At first I felt bad for you because you lost your best friend but it's time for me to start protecting mine. You need—"

"What did you say?"

Glimmer blinks once and then twice. "Oh shit…"

"Catra...she, she loves me?"

Glimmer groans, "damn it, I owe DT fifty bucks."

"Like," Adora licks her lips and ignores Glimmer's comment for now (because like, one thing at a time) "like, she loves me as a friend?"

"Catra's right, you are an idiot." Glimmer frowns. "She ditched Regina, after you punched her, to see if you were okay. She holds herself back because she's worried she'll be too much for you...she wants you, even though she knows you'll never want her back."

Want.

Adora hates how Glimmer automatically assumes she knows the truth and she hates how she has no answers. It has nothing to do with Catra and everything to do with her. No one has ever asked Adora what she wants—she's never thought about it. There is always something going on; with classes and all the sports she's a part of so there is hardly any room to think about herself.

When she and Catra were younger they'd stay out late and climb the ladder of the old water tower along the tracks leading out of the Horde. Everything could be seen from the top; the top of the world they'd called it. Adora remembers thinking, if the world does end, I want Catra to be by my side.

Adora scrambles off the floor and grabs her phone from her dresser. Glimmer stops ranting when she sees the phone pressed in Adora's hand.

"...Adora."

Adora: hey I just want to check in to see if you got back safe after last night

Adora: can we talk when you get situated?

Glimmer snatches her phone when she starts to write up another text. "If she's not answering my messages then she sure as hell isn't gonna answer yours, Adora."

"Give me my phone."

"No. I'm cutting you off," Glimmer begs "just give her the weekend. You owe her that much." She leaves with Adora's phone and closes the door behind her. She hears Glimmer and Bow talking in a hushed whisper but it's not worth trying to listen.

Adora sits back on the edge of her bed and stares at the door. Every moment with Catra plays out in her mind; every missed signal, every lingering touch, every awkward hug...it all builds up until it's tumbling down and Adora doesn't know how to bring it back together.

"What…" she grips at the bed until her comforter clumps up in her hands. "...what do I…" she can't even finish asking herself a simple question. And it's simple, right? People ask themselves it all the time and are quick to come up with an easy answer so why is this so hard? If she can't spit out the words then maybe Glimmer's right about her.

Maybe she needs to let go.

10

Adora sleeps through most of the day and sulks when she's awake. She leaves the lights off with the blinds closed and reflects. Her finger grazes her lip; her body heats up uncomfortably (wonderfully) when she thinks about the kiss. It sticks with her. Every sensation; from how pliable Catra had been, letting Adora bend her to her will, to the soft smell of grape from the kush Catra had smoked a few hours before with Perfuma.

When she thinks about Catra her stomach does a weird flip. It's never done that before. Her palms have never gotten sweaty just thinking about maybe trying to text Catra again. Adora hates it and loves it at the same time; hates how vulnerable it makes her feel but loves the warmth that washes over her when she thinks of hugging Catra again. It's been so long since they've hugged.

Adora pulls her head out from under the covers. She takes a deep breath before looking into the mirror resting at her work desk. "What...what do you want?" The mirror doesn't answer but its face caves in revealing little by little with each crack, until suddenly—it shatters.

Adora gets out of bed with purpose. She gets on any old clothes she finds hanging around (a large basketball hoodie and some blue jeans) and right before she leaves, Adora kneels under her lofted bed to grab a tiny black box from an unlabeled bin; she cradles it in the pocket of her hoodie before she's running out the door. On the other side she finds a group of her closest friends all lounging around in the living room.

Glimmer is glaring at Mermista and doesn't even look when Adora slowly walks over to them like a startled deer.

"Don't Mermista." Glimmer warns.

"Why not? She has a right to know."

Adora pulls on a beanie to brave the cold, she asks "know what?"

"Nothing."

Mermista rolls her eyes. "Catra's going to Mount Etheria with that weird blonde chick who talks about pink way too much. They're driving down as we speak."

"Mermista!"

"What? It's not like it was a secret or anything."

Glimmer crosses her arms. "Catra told me she was going up there to get a break, she doesn't need any of this drama."

Adora feels her stomach toss but not in the same way it does when she thinks of Catra. "She's with Regina?" (She knew she was forgetting something).

"Yes, Catra texted me, after I threatened her enough times, and told me she was going with Regina to Mount Etheria at one of her family cabins. She's taking the time she needs and you should respect that." Glimmer says it with conviction, and it's funny because Adora remembers a time where the roles were reversed; a time where Glimmer was giving Catra the shovel talk to protect Adora. But Adora didn't want her protecting her back then and she's sure Catra feels the same way—despite how different they are, Adora is sure that her emotions are intertwined with Catra's by a fate stronger than a string of red.

Bow looks stricken. "Maybe we should give it a few days?"

Mermista scoffs, "what, and let Regina swoop in and take her girl?"

"Adora doesn't even like—"

"Do you see the way she looks at Catra? Like she put the stars in the sky all on her own." Mermista says, "and you can't speak for Adora, you won't even let her get a word in to defend herself. You just keep yelling over her, telling her what she needs to do based on what you think."

Perfuma mutters, "guys."

"I don't need to, her actions are doing a pretty good job proving me right."

"...guys…"

"Do you even know how you sound right now?"

"Guys!" Perfuma cuts out over the conversation, "where did Adora go?"

They stop arguing long enough to realize that Adora is no longer in the room. Glimmer pushes Mermista, gaining a 'rude' in the process as she goes to check her room. She curses when she comes up empty, "she has her phone! Fuck…"

Bow frowns, "uh, please tell me she didn't take Sea Hawk as a hostage."

Glimmer spins around with a glare and points an accusing finger at Mermista. "You planned this! You made up a fake argument so Sea Hawk could sneak out with Adora and take her to Mount Etheria!"

"And it worked," Mermista grins.

"Why would you do this?"

Mermista shrugs. "I'm a romantic, and I'm sick of seeing them both sulk around and act all awkward when the other one is nearby. It's ruining the group dynamic."

"This will ruin Catra's existence if Adora says one wrong thing." Glimmer says.

"Tell me you don't see the way they look at each other."

Glimmer sighs, "of course I do...but Adora, she doesn't even know what she wants."

"I don't know," Bow whispers with a grin pulling at his lips. "It kind of seems like she does."

Glimmer slaps him light on the chest, almost pouting. "Don't you dare get my hopes up, Bow."

Bow grabs her shoulders and shakes. "Adora knows what she wants. So let's go help her get it." He pulls away and holds out his hand for a fist bump, "best friend squad road trip?"

Glimmer bites her lip before giving in. She bumps her fist with his. "Fine, but if she makes Catra cry one more time I swear I'm returning the AirPods I bought her for Christmas."

11

Adora manages to sneak away with Sea Hawk around 8 o'clock. He insists on driving and she is a little shaky so she doesn't put up much of a fight. It's not the bad shaking, but the rush of adrenaline; like when she's facing off against an opponent on the basketball court.

"Thanks for helping me with this," Adora says, clutching onto the black box.

Sea Hawk grins, "no problem."

Sea Hawk is one of those college students who could have graduated a couple years ago but decides to stick around for whatever reason. Adora isn't super close to him but he's always fun to be around and he gets Mermista flustered which seems like an impossible feat so she gives him some credit.

"Nervous?"

Adora releases a shaky sigh. "Of course I am, I'm about to confess to my best friend and I still have no idea what I'm going to say to her—hey!" She reaches for something to steady herself as Sea Hawk makes a sharp right and pulls them into the shoulder on the highway. Adora's heart is beating out of her chest as she holds onto the dashboard for dear life. "What the hell!"

He turns on the hazard lights before looking back at her. "Mermista told me to get you where you need to go but only if you know what you're going to say to Catra when we get there."

Adora digs her thumbs into the black box. "Look, can you just get me there? We're wasting time."

"You'll be wasting Catra's time if you don't have something planned out." Sea Hawk frowns. "Can you really afford to mess this up?"

Adora's sick of everyone trying to make decisions for her.

"What do you suggest is good enough? Hey Catra, sorry that I didn't notice your feelings for me even though I'm supposed to be your best friend? Sorry you can't be yourself around me, that you have to hide your hobbies and avoid getting too close to me? Sorry that it took me so long to realize I can barely breathe when you walk into a room? Because who cares! I'm probably too late, she's with Regina on Mount Etheria and they're…" her throat clamps up with something thick but she swallows it down like a dry pill. "Maybe it doesn't matter. What am I even doing, holding onto this thing?" She turns to toss the box but Sea Hawk grabs her arm.

"No!" Sea Hawk looks nervous as he gets them back on the highway. "I was only supposed to make sure you were confident in what you wanted, not to talk you out of it."

Adora sinks in her seat. "Maybe we should just turn around. If Catra's happy with Regina then I shouldn't stand in her way."

Sea Hawk laughs. "Adora, Catra left Regina on the floor after you punched her to check to see if you were okay. There's nothing standing in your way except for you." Adora stays awake the entire ride up to Mount Etheria with that on her mind.

The black box keeps her grounded when her thoughts begin to stray.

12

When they get to Mount Etheria everything is closed for the night, and Adora has no idea where she can find Catra (even if the dumb security guard does let them in). She was, however, relieved to learn that Scorpia and Entrapta are also on the trip (it shushes her nightmares of Catra and Regina eloping in the woods) but Scorpia isn't disclosing their location. Adora can wait it out, just walk around the resort in the morning and try looking for Catra but it would save a lot of time if Scorpia would just cooperate. But Sea Hawk and the others are blowing up Scorpia's phone and Adora knows how persistent they can be so she doesn't worry.

"What did he say?" Adora asks. She's leaning against Sea Hawk's truck in the biting cold because she's sick of sitting still.

"Still won't let us in, but don't worry we just need to wait for—oh okay, you're walking away."

"Hey," she marches up to the security guard. He's a skinny guy in an oversized coat with long red hair sticking out from the side of his beanie. Adora sizes him up and feels her fist swell. "Can't you cut us a break? We've been driving for three hours."

He rolls his eyes. "Listen, even if you could get inside there's nowhere for you to go. The resort doesn't open up until morning and you don't own a cabin on this property. So kick rocks, ponytail."

Adora pulls him in by the collar and punches him with only half her strength, but it's enough to knock him down.

"Adora!" Someone shouts but it sounds muffled—like she's stuck underwater. Adora can feel herself sinking, and Catra isn't here to save her, but thankfully Glimmer remembers the protocol. Glimmer forgoes any soft touches and pushes Adora until her back hits the bark of an old oak tree and suddenly she's submerged. "What are you doing?"

"He wouldn't let us in!"

"I have a membership! And a cabin!"

"I didn't know that!"

Bow steps between them. "Hey guys, it's super late and Adora just knocked out the security guard so can we get moving before someone calls the cops on us?"

"Yeah," Mermista says, "remember Mystacor?"

"Best spring break ever," Glimmer sings.

"Guys!" Bow exclaims. "Avoiding the police this time. Let's move out."

They scramble back into their cars and make it to Glimmer's family cabin that's a couple miles East of the resort. Time passes like a blur and the next thing she knows, Adora is mumbling a half assed goodnight to the Scooby gang and is slipping off into the first empty room she can find. She dives under the covers and cradles the black box close to her chest and lets the night take her away.

13

Adora is startled awake early in the morning by Mermista barging in her room and pulling the blanket out from under her. "Get up and get dressed. Scorpia slipped and mentioned Catra going skiing with Regina around 10 o'clock. But this is literally a ski resort so we should've figured that one out on our own."

Adora rubs her eyes. "Catra hates skiing."

"Has she ever tried it?"

"No, but it sounds like something she'd hate."

"Astute logic, now get ready."

Adora sinks in the bed for a couple more minutes before forcing herself up. She takes a quick shower and comes into the kitchen an hour later with breakfast on her mind.

"So, what's the plan?" Glimmer asks when Adora plops down beside her in the only available chair.

"Breakfast." Adora grabs a plate and stacks three waffles. She drizzles the pile with syrup and ignores the eyes on her.

"...I meant after breakfast, what's the plan?"

"After breakfast I'll probably get some lunch at the resort."

"Adora."

"I have it covered, you guys don't have to worry."

"How about we give Adora some space." Perfuma suggests.

Bow pulls Glimmer out of her seat and says, "Adora, we'll be around if you need us."

They pile out of the kitchen and make themselves scarce somewhere upstairs. Likely stacked up in a singular room so they can whisper about whatever they think is true about her relationship with Catra; and it's fair in a way, she respects how they all want to protect Catra because a couple years ago they never would've batted an eye, but it's none of their business. They have no right to dictate how this goes; Glimmer shouldn't have taken her phone and Scorpia shouldn't withheld information.

Adora tries to push through the rest of her waffles but her stomach is in knots and she isn't sure if she can keep it down, so she wraps her plate in foil and dumps it in the fridge. She doesn't have a plan or some grand romantic gesture—doesn't know what she's even doing here—she just knows she wants to see Catra. No matter how this day turns out she is willing to accept whatever Catra can give her.

It's common knowledge that Adora isn't a "talk her feelings out" kind of person and a lot of that has to do with the harsh rules established in the Horde. She was taught to withhold emotions—that they were a burden. But that didn't stop her and Catra from stepping out of the regulated box, paving their own paths towards a healthier future; and some may argue their relationship was far too dependent, that maybe time apart was what they needed, but if it's true and this is the product of the healthy option—then why does Adora feel like her world is crumbling?

Adora needs some fresh air but she supposes the pine scented kind will have to do. She heaves on her large winter coat, toes on her mountain boots, and wobbles through the packed snow (it's stiff from the air and nothing like that soft white shit they talk about in movies).

And so she does a penguin walk through the snow until she finally gets the hang of walking like a normal person. She doesn't know where she's going but her feet do, or maybe she's being pulled by an invisible string of fate—something she thought to be flimsy and ragged is actually impossible to detangle. Adora feels like she's straining against the thread, feels the pinch at her throat when it cuts into her skin as she finds Catra and Regina laughing together on the ski chair lift.

It's fresh out of a Hallmark movie; Catra goes another round on the lift because she's too frightened to push off while Regina laughs at the bottom and promises to meet her on the other side with open arms. And it's so like Catra to back out at the last moment—for a second Adora can imagine herself in Regina's shoes but something pushes her out of her dreamscape and back into the cold bite of reality. Except it's not a metaphor and someone literally just pushed her back into a bush so hard it sends her landing on her back.

"Sea Hawk?" Adora frowns, slowly coming to when the world stops spinning around her.

"Adora!" He at least has the decency to help her up. "You need to be careful, they almost saw you! And you're not supposed to be on this side of the resort without ski's on."

Adora hadn't realized she'd been walking up to them. "Glimmer's gear is too small for me, and so what? Who cares if they know I'm here."

"Do you not want the element of surprise?"

"Trust me, Catra's gonna be plenty surprised."

Sea Hawk rubs his chin. "You need a grand gesture. You should—"

"No."

"Hear me out."

Adora knows she is going to regret this but she gives, "fine."

"You find a boat," he pauses for dramatic effect "...and then you set it on fire!"

"That doesn't, I don't even...that doesn't even make sense!"

"It's a metaphor!"

14

Adora manages to slip away from Sea Hawk when he goes looking for firewood (she doesn't want to know) and spends the rest of the day walking the woods and taking in the sights. The wind bites at her nose, leaving behind blotches of red all over her nose and cheeks; her face is near numb (like the time she got her teeth pulled) but it feels good, a welcome distraction. But it becomes a bit too much when the sun dips below the tree line, so she heads back to Glimmer's cabin blue in the face.

"Adora," Perfuma sounds scandalous as she rushes over and presses her hands on Adora's face. It's too much too soon, going from biting cold to such warmth, so she backs away from Perfuma's touch but it doesn't deter her. "Let's get this coat off you, it's packed with ice." She dumps the coat on the rack and drapes a fuzzy blanket over Adora's shoulders.

Bow walks over, his eyebrows are nearly touching—worry manipulating them as such. "Where were you? We got worried when Sea Hawk couldn't find you."

Adora sniffs. "I walked around, just needed...some air…" she trails off when she notices Scorpia and Entrapta on the couch nestling Holiday mugs in their damp mitts. Scorpia stands abruptly (and wow she's taller up close) but Adora doesn't back down.

"Hey Adora," Scorpia's voice is overly chipper. "Nice to see you again. Really it's great, but I wouldn't be cofounder of the super pal trio if I didn't protect the crew so I have to ask..what exactly are you playing at?"

Adora rolls her eyes because really this again ? "I don't get why everyone is so against this."

"Oh, so I guess my support means nothing." Mermista mutters.

"I thought you'd all be happy for me but you're acting like I'm the bad guy."

"Adora," Glimmer whispers, "we just care about Catra and we—"

"You think I'm going to hurt her. Catra's my best friend. How could any of you think I'd ever do that to her?"

"Not on purpose, no." Scorpia says, "but let's be real...you've done plenty enough without meaning to."

Adora flinches at the heat of Scorpia's comment, shame—the thick kind that's hard to swallow—builds in her throat. Was everyone just watching Adora mess up the whole time?

Mermista huffs. "You guys are overreacting."

"Catra's my best friend. It's my job to overreact." Scorpia shoots back.

"Let's calm down, we're all friends here."

"If Adora wants to make a move then who are any of you to stop her?"

Scorpia laughs, "oh now she wants to make a move? What...five years later?"

"Four years and eleven months," Entrapta corrects.

"Better late than never!"

"Catra's finally moving on! Now is hardly the time!"

"They should—"

"Enough!" Adora shouts. "Can you all stop talking like I'm not I'm the room? And stop making decisions and assuming you know what's best for my relationship. I am sick of everyone telling me what to do."

"Adora—"

"No. You've all done enough." Adora throws on her coat and storms out into the night.

15

Glimmer sends her a text a few minutes after her departure. Adora's face unlocks her phone so she doesn't have the option of ignoring it.

Sparkle Bomb [star emoji] : [drops a location]

Sparkle Bomb [star emoji] : you're both my best friends and I love you guys, of course I want things with you and Catra to work out. Sorry if I made it seem like I didn't.

Adora heaves out a breath and is surprised when she starts tearing up; she hadn't realized how much she needed Glimmer's support in this. Adora digs into her pocket and runs her fingers along the sharp edges of the black box one more time.

Adora plugs the address into her GPS, it's only a five minute walk (any further and she's sure she'd lose her nerve with every passing minute). It sends her to a distinct triangular shaped cabin that's framed with eight fixed windows, four piled on top and four piled below in perfect sequence. It's spectacular in design but daunting in theory, because Catra is in there with Regina living in perfect bliss and soon Adora is going to disrupt it. But she doesn't allow her thoughts to derail her—not this time—she marches up the steps with the intention of making her presence known.

The door jerks open and Adora startles, but Catra's on the other side of the door and suddenly everything falls into place. Catra looks frazzled, her coat is falling off her shoulders and her pupils are blown wide.

"Catra," she hears Catra take a sharp inhale. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

Adora slips the black box back into her pocket. A laugh almost slips from her mouth, she has to ask. "Does Regina know you at all?"

"What?"

"She invited you to Mount Etheria when the snow's at its worst. You hate the cold. Look, you're shivering even when you have a thousand pound snow coat on." Adora let's a laugh slip this time at the outraged look on Catra's face. And Adora thinks she should probably be nervous but being with Catra feels like coming home, like slipping back into a dance they've practiced a dozen times over in multiple life times.

"How did you even get here? This is a private resort."

"I may have...punched the guy at the front gate."

Catra's jaw drops. "You punched the security guard? Adora what the hell! You can't keep punching people to solve your problems, we're not in the Horde anymore."

Adora's smile is fragile when she confesses, "sometimes I wish we were."

"...Adora," Catra sounds so broken it makes the thread around her neck tighten "why are you here?"

For you. For myself.

"Can we talk?" Adora asks with a tremble in her voice that she blames on this damn thread. And how unfair is it, that this one string gets to decide their fate.

Catra looks back into the cabin.

"Or if you're busy it can wait." Adora back tracks.

"Sorry, Scorpia left a weird note and I'm worried about what they've gotten into. She said she's with Entrapta testing the boosters at some clearing but she was terrified about going out at night just yesterday."

"They're fine, I passed them on the way up." Adora stretches the truth but it's worth seeing Catra's stress alleviate.

"Okay good, I don't have to fill a missing persons report." Catra closes the door and steps out into the night. "What's going on?"

"Can't I visit my best friend without her being suspicious?"

"Scorpia's phone has been blowing up since we got here and now you're suddenly at our doorstep." Catra whispers, "it's a three hour drive, Adora. What's going on? Did something happen?"

"...can we maybe take a walk? I saw a clearing not too far from us."

Catra hesitates (she's never done that before). Usually whenever Adora needs her, Catra comes running no questions asked. And while Catra only stops for a couple of seconds, the toll it takes on Adora's heart is significant in its cruelty.

Catra's eyes flint back to the cabin before she shakes her head and meets Adora on the lower step. "Yeah, whatever you need." This sounds more like the woman she knows; the one who drops everything for the people she cares about.

Adora hasn't lost her yet.

They trudge through the snow in a comfortable silence, and it follows even when they finally reach the clearing. Adora's coat is still packed with ice—the weight encumbers her—while Catra looks a bit more composed with her coat properly pulled over her shoulders and zipped to her chin. Her bangs have grown significantly over the years, fragments of brown brush the tip of her nose while the rest parts out the way of her mismatched eyes.

The clearing overlooks the length of Mount Etheria and it's entirety; Adora admires the moonlight over the top of the cabins lined at the bottom of the mountain, the roofs are packed with snow and ice. Adora steps as far as the ledge allows; it's protected by a thick picket fence and a metal rail on the other side for extra support. There's a lone light above them (Adora thinks it's a streetlight but she doesn't know the correct terminology). The sky is clear, none of the wonderful auroras Sea Hawk gushed about on the ride over but Adora prefers it this way.

"What's going on?" Catra breaks the silence. Her eyebrows are pinched with worry but she keeps her distance, and Adora finally gets what everyone means by Catra holding back .

"I have something to tell you."

Catra raises an eyebrow. "You drove three hours up here just because you have to tell me something?"

"It's important, and it's not like you were answering your phone."

"Shit," Catra frowns. "Sorry about that, Scorpia kind of confiscated my phone so I've been living in the dark as of late...what is it?"

Adora laughs out some of her nerves but they stick. "It's actually really embarrassing...and scary, and I think there are two ways this is going to play out. But either way I'm sure you're going to make fun of me for years to come."

"I won't make fun of you…unless it's really funny so then I'll have no choice."

Adora groans into her hands.

"Come on," Catra laughs. "I already know a ton of embarrassing things about you so what's one more?"

Adora looks out from her hands; Catra's eyes are open, her attention undivided, and Adora suddenly remembers who she's talking to. Her best friend, the woman she confides everything to.

"Do you remember our senior prom? I went with Tucker and you went with—"

"Stuck up Cathy," Catra nods. "She was freaking out about every little thing and Tucker was acting like an ass. Well, not acting. He was just being himself...that night was the worst."

"I thought it was great."

"What? How? We had to walk back because Cathy and Tucker ditched us at the gym after we—kind of ditched them on the dance floor, okay maybe that move was valid. But I was sweating through my suit by the time we got home, and of course Weaver flipped out."

Adora leans against the wood fence to feel the pressure on her back. "Yeah, but we got to hang out under the bleachers with Lonnie and Kyle. Remember? Kyle slashed the wrong tires so Rogelio was trying to find out which car was Tucker's but he was already long gone with his friends. Then when it got too hot for Lonnie and Kyle they left, but I didn't want the night to end so you stayed behind to look at the stars with me even though there was a heatwave."

Catra shrugs. "It wasn't so bad. I'd rather be hot than—"

"Cold, yeah, you hate the cold." Adora gestures between them. "Some things never change."

"I'm in the cold now, aren't I?"

"For Regina."

Catra laughs but it sounds empty. "But here I am with you."

"Why?"

"Because you said you wanted to talk?"

"No." Adora shakes her head and leans off the fence so she can look Catra in the eyes. "Why did you abandon Cathy at the prom to go check on me? Why did you leave Regina on the floor after I punched her in the face? Why are you with me now?"

Catra frowns, "you're my best friend…"

Adora smiles because she remembers a time where she thought that to be the case.

"I was gonna ask you to prom." She looks away at the last second because she can't get this out with Catra looking at her like she's taking all the breath from her body. "I had this whole thing planned...we'd grab a milkshake with a side of fries and climb up the old water tower. I was gonna wait until sunset, because I'd seen it a hundred times in all these dumb movies."

Catra's voice sounds smokey, like there is a piece of coal wedged somewhere behind her tongue. "Why didn't you?"

"Because you were going with Cathy. She asked you months before the prom was even happening."

Catra mumbles, "I remember."

"I just wanted to be with you that night."

"Yeah, me too." Catra sighs, digging her hands deeper into her pockets when a rough breeze passes by. "But that was a long time ago."

Adora feels the box in her pocket, it burns when she touches it—the heat of that night keeping it preserved. It gave her comfort that night and she hopes it does the same in this moment because she needs to be brave.

When Adora pulls out the black box Catra doesn't start right away, it's not until Adora peels the lid open to reveal a ruby red corsage that Catra gasps (it's a plastic one—Catra couldn't afford the real deal back then). On the night of prom Cathy was so stuck up about ruining her dress she wouldn't let Catra clip it on (something about how it ruined the color scheme) and Tucker was such an asshole he had forgotten to get Adora one. It seemed like an easy option at the time (something Adora didn't have to put much thought into); Catra had clipped her corsage on Adora's arm right before Cathy dragged her away.

"I have had this in a bin under my bed for a frighteningly long amount of time," Adora laughs awkwardly. "Even when we weren't talking I kept it, and for a while I didn't want to think about why, because we all know how much I hate thinking about myself. But then we became friends again, and I thought I kept it around because it was the last reminder of our friendship, but it's always been more than that.

"When you put this on my arm it felt like you were choosing me, like you were invested in me. Not what I could do for you—you just wanted me. And I'm sorry for making you feel like you weren't a priority for me because you are."

"Adora…"

"I wanted to ask you to prom but Cathy beat me to it and I didn't have time to think about what that meant to me because I had to focus on college applications to get us out of the Horde—"

"Adora."

"And then we had that fight—and I might have burned a couple of your beanies you left behind at the house but I swear that was Sea Hawk's idea and I was very drunk that night." Adora's talking with her hands now which is never a good sign. "And then when we did start talking again everything was awkward, I thought it was just because of the time gap but you kept your distance and stopped telling me things...and I was so busy with class, I didn't make you a priority but I swear you are."

"Adora, stop rambling and just tell me what you're trying to say."

"I was distracted with school and helping my team but I'm done trying to help everyone but myself. I have wants too."

Catra looks like she's close to shedding tears. A cloud of smoke slips past her lips; she steps up to Adora, they're only a couple inches away and Adora almost cries because it's been too long since they've been this close.

"What do you want?"

"You. I want you."

Catra cries; they're silent tears that stream down the side of her face. Adora reaches out to brush them away but Catra staggers back with a shaky breath. Catra shakes her head.

"Five years."

Adora tugs at her own fingers. "I know."

"What changed?"

"...I kissed you and you said it was a mistake…"

Catra flinches. "You were drunk."

"I meant it. I don't regret it, just like I don't regret punching Regina for what she said about you."

"She was just messing with you."

"Regina doesn't know anything about you!" Adora scowls. "She took you to a ski resort, she drags you out to fancy restaurants—"

Catra nods. "She actually knows what she wants. Yeah, she sounds like a real monster."

"I just told you what I want. It's not my fault you don't want to believe it."

Catra's voice breaks. "You can't."

"Why can't I? Why is it so hard for you to believe I want you?"

"You've never wanted me," Catra whispers. "You never put me first, I'm just an afterthought."

Adora barks out a laugh. "An afterthought? Catra you're the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning—you keep me up at night. I took a three hour drive with Sea Hawk just to get here! I got drunk during basketball season! I wore that stupid boxing costume because you liked one of Regina's old Halloween pictures on Instagram!"

There's more Adora wants to list, more she wants to say, but Catra is having none of it.

For years, Adora has felt like an alien on this earth—a side effect of her falling out with Catra. Some people say when two souls are intertwined, the world loses a step, pauses in rotation, when they are pulled apart. That even when they've rejoined it's never exactly the same; like Adora being forced to look in from the outside and Catra forced to conceal her emotions.

But when Catra pulls them back together again, the world doesn't just keep spinning—it hurls forward and zooms back into focus, it comes back together in a far better condition than what was left behind. When Catra kisses her it feels like the stars align.

Adora shivers at the snow that packs up against her face from the sleeves of Catra's coat that presses in when Catra wraps her arms around her. Everything about this night is cold and dark but Adora has never felt so warm. And so, Adora kisses back and lets herself get lost in her best friend—in a way she has never dared to dream.

The sky is clear behind them as they pull at each other in rambunctious unison—fueling each other with wet kisses and lingering touches. No, the auroras—the ones Mount Etheria are distinctly known for—are absent tonight. Instead, the sky resembles the view Adora and Catra shared long ago at the top of the water tower just over the tracks leading out of the Horde. And now that they're older, and a little bit wiser, they know they're not at the top of the world, but right now it sure as hell feels like it.