September 2006

Rosalie had pulled Bella aside shortly after they had returned from Isle Esme. She wasn't as harsh as she had been in the past, in no small part because she respected that Bella was taking more time to be human, to have human experiences.

"You have to remember, whatever you feel, whatever you think, whatever grudges you hold—all of those will be literally set in stone when you're changed. Make sure you're in a good place, or eternity will involve a lot of suffering for you."

Those words had really made an impact. Bella took her time, now that she had it, and had really begun to analyze her emotions. She realized she wanted to fix some things before she was frozen forever.

"Sometimes, I'm still scared you'll leave me," she admitted to Edward one night, tears welling as she saw the devastation in his eyes. She knew this conversation would hurt, but both of them knew that it needed to happen.

"I was afraid of that," he spoke quietly as if afraid that saying it loudly would make it all the more real; he knew he had failed her, and it wasn't something he had truly forgiven himself for either.

"Marriage...it was a huge step," Bella explained. "And one I'm truly happy we took. It has helped my security. Logically, I know you'll never leave me. Instinctually, I trust you love me, and I know our love is stronger than any enemy we could face. Emotionally, though, I still hurt sometimes. And I'm more insecure than I should be overall. I don't want that to carry over to when I'm like you."

Edward took her face in his hands, gently wiping away the tears that had fallen. "What can I do?"

Bella let out an unsteady breath. "I don't think you can really do anything different from what you've been doing already. I think I just need time. Can I finish out the school year, or will that be too long with the Volturi?"

Edward pressed his lips together in a tight line; he responded, voice hard, "Bella, my love, if you need time, you will have it—Volturi be damned."

"That's another thing," she shook her head. "You have to give value to your family's lives as equal to mine."

Edward sighed. "Love, what would you give up to know I was safe and happy for eternity?"

Anything was her initial response. "My life. My soul. And I hate to say everyone else, but it's likely true." She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "But you have to understand—that's only if we couldn't avoid such a tragedy. Edward, promise me, if Alice sees the Volturi coming, you'll bite me. I don't care if it is tomorrow, next month, or during finals week. The safety of our family...it matters more to me than trying to perfect all my loose ends."

She could tell he wanted to argue, to rebel against what she was saying, but in the end, he chose to respect her wishes. He pressed his forehead to hers, and in a hushed voice vowed, "I swear it."

"Thank you," she murmured, voice laden with emotion. She kissed him then, grateful for the steps they had finally taken towards truly healing.

Present Day, December 2006

It had been three days since the failed Cullen Family Game Night. Bella had gone through several emotions by this point—shame, anger, embarrassment, grief, frustration...anger again—and she knew she needed to deal with them. For better or for worse, she needed to reconcile with Jacob, even if it was only for her own mental peace.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked her, the old question making her smile; how often had he asked that over the course of their relationship?

"I'm thinking that Jacob and I need to talk. We need to clear the air and set explicit boundaries," she explained, an air of trepidation in her tone; just because she knew she needed to do it didn't mean she was excited about it.

"Are you sure it's for the best?" he asked.

"I don't want to bring this resentment over with me." She looked up at him, begging him with her eyes to understand. "And he needs to come to terms with everything. He didn't get closure at the wedding in the way that I think we all hoped."

"I won't stop you if you need this," he told her. "But I'll admit that I'm not happy about it. He really is delusional, sweetheart, and he thinks he's acting in your best interest. That can be dangerous."

"He wouldn't hurt me," she tried to soothe him, taking Edward's hand in both of her own.

"I'll trust your judgement, love, but please be careful. His thoughts...they aren't respectful to you as a lady, and especially not as a married woman." He looked genuinely upset about that, and Bella tried not to smile.

"Are your thoughts befitting of a gentleman, Mr. Cullen?" she batted her eyes flirtatiously.

He gave a low chuckle, leaning forward to speak directly into her ear. "My thoughts are befitting of your husband, Mrs. Cullen."

"Promises, promises," her voice was breathy as she found herself getting excited.

"Soon, my love," Edward kissed her just behind her ear, and she let out a small whimper as he lingered there, his breath tickling her in a delicious way. "Soon."

Her phone call now seemed especially dreadful; she had something she'd really much rather be doing.

"Make your call, do a visit if you must, then come home to me," Edward said, finally pulling away. Bella pouted but nodded, going to get her cell phone.

xxx

Jacob was ecstatic to hear from Bella, to have the chance to clear the air and apologize. It seemed like he was always saying the wrong thing, and he hated it. He kept thinking back to the weeks and weeks they had, spending time together. He knew she was dealing with heartbreak, but things seemed great overall. All he needed to do is find the same chemistry with her they had had previously, and their future would be secure.

Bella asked to meet at Charlie's; although he would have preferred for them to meet at the reservation, he understood the occasional need to meet in a more neutral location.

He was surprised when he saw the large Mercedes Guardian in the driveway just to find her alone inside.

"Hey, Bells, what happened to the truck?" he asked when she answered the door.

"It went to the great mechanic's shop in the sky," she rolled her eyes; okay, so still pissed with him then. "I've been driving the Mercedes since July, actually."

"Oh, I wish I'd known," he said, mildly hurt not even his dad deigned to tell him when Charlie would have certainly informed Billy.

"What would you have done?" Bella asked. "No one could get in touch with you anyway. But it was probably time, truthfully—it wouldn't have lasted in New Hampshire."

Jacob felt a bit aggravated; she had loved that truck, and he had put so much effort into it. He suspected Cullen was behind its supposed failure, but he knew better than to say so when he was trying to rebuild the gap between him and Bella.

"So," he sat down on the couch, leaving enough room beside him for her to sit. "We need to talk about the other night."

Bella sat in the recliner, much to his dismay. "Yes, I think we need to be honest with each other and address our issues."

"Great! I do too!" he enthused. "First, let me—"

"Wait, Jake," she interrupted him. "Let me lead the conversation, please."

"That doesn't seem very fair," he complained.

"It's not fair to constantly expect more that a person has said they are willing to give," she snapped before taking a big breath to calm herself. "Look, Jacob, you've been my best friend for a while, but we don't have good boundaries. What happened the other night, you exploding over me and Edward having a private moment to ourselves, it isn't okay. It can't happen again. And your…verbal assault…certainly can't repeat itself. I want this friendship to work because I care about you—as a friend. I think underneath your stubbornness, you really are a good person. I just need to see more of that."

Jacob cleared his throat. "Bella, I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm sorry." He had to have her understand his position. "Let me explain. To me, I walked in after hearing what sounded like a struggle and you in pain just to find you pinned with his teeth bared at your throat. What was I supposed to think?"

She supposed she could see his point.

"Jake, that's the thing, though. Edward would never hurt me. Everything we do is consensual. How could you hear me…make noise," she blushed hard, "yet not hear that I asked him to growl."

Growl for me, baby. He could register her words now. He didn't process them in the moment, however. He stared at her for a moment, imploring her to see his side. "I was so worried you were being hurt…why would you ask him to be like that?"

She casted her eyes down. "That's personal."

"Come on, Bells, help me understand here! Or I'm going to think that it's something he likes, and you're convincing yourself you do to keep him happy."

She narrowed her eyes, wondering if he was intentionally manipulating her. Either way, she realized this was a hill he would die on, so she needed to give him some answer. She wouldn't make eye contact with him and spoke quietly. "Fine, it's for two reasons. One, I…I love when he's dominant like that. There he is, so strong, embodying power and-and sensuality, and he chooses to please me. He's so perfect, and he does what I say—he growls because I tell him to. The world's most effective predator, and he's mine, and he basically worships the ground I walk on."

Jacob's jaw clicked as he grinded his teeth; he felt sick just hearing about this stuff, but he was a glutton for punishment. He pressed on. "And the other reason?"

She got redder, if that were possible, and all but whispered, "Because the vibrations feel good."

Jacob blinked, huffing out a breath in disbelief. "Let me get this straight. You asked him to do that…because you get off on a vibrator who can kill you, but chooses not to?"

"Ugh, it's not that simple!" she snapped, embarrassment making her aggravated more easily. "You'll understand when you love someone enough to marry them, Jacob. Every little action, it becomes more."

"I'd marry you right now!" he blurted out. "Just say the word!"

"That right there—that's not okay!" Bella insisted. "Friends don't say that, Jacob Black. I'm trying so hard to keep a relationship with you even though it makes Edward uncomfortable, and you won't respect me and my decisions!"

"Of course I do!"

She shook her head. "Edward was my choice. Marrying him was my choice. Everything we do physically is. My. Choice. And either you get with the program, or I don't do this anymore."

He searched her gaze and realized she wasn't joking. His confidence was wavering. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. No more relationship talk. Just…just friends."

"And no more shaming me for whatever I do physically with my husband."

She was asking him to condone a lot, but he would be willing to go along with it. As long as he was still in her life, he had a chance to make her see she still loved him. "Okay. No more vamp kiss shaming."

"Thank you," she smiled. It was worth it.