AN: We're almost done. One chapter to go after this. I didn't reread for errors like I normally do. Which I don't normally catch that many anyway, though I know they are there. I hope you love it. Even if you hate it. Let me know. The story of our favorite couple is coming to end. Maybe forever…

I don't think you need tissues. Not yet anyway…

Chapter 23

I knew Bella was going to be nervous but we had decided to get the house cleaned up a little and then I would spend the rest of her change, fixing what I could without leaving the property. She wanted me busy and not worrying about her. This was the compromise. Things like heat, food and electricity even weren't concerns. I was going to focus on structure, deterioration, plumbing and functionality.

She stood staring at our new home and I playfully scooped her up to carry her over the threshold. She only squawked with surprise and then gave me a smile when she realized what I was doing. I carried her butt over the threshold and gently kissed her nose and then her lips before placing her on her feet. Her smile was genuine but not as happy as I had hoped. She was nervous.

I kissed her cute button nose as I said, "Welcome home, Darlin'."

She looked around and began to wander. I followed behind. I had never seen the house either, only pictures. Her anger at me for keeping it from her had subsided and I wasn't going to push the issue. I never truly meant to keep anything from her, or hurt her. I only wanted her happy. Happy wife, happy life and all that. I smirked to myself.

We explored the main floor and then down to the walkout basement area. It was unfurnished and that was fine for now. I had a sofa and bed delivered but that was it. The bed didn't even have a frame, I hope she wasn't upset when she it.

We wandered outside and we could hear the stream nearby, she sighed and smiled at me. This was beautiful and I knew I had been forgiven. The floors needed redone, the windows were all intact but dirty and old. The frames had a bit of rot in places as did the roof and the font stairs outside. It was a small project, but beautiful.

I followed Bella around silently as she went back to the front and int the front door heading for the stairs. The bedrooms had 2 to the left and 2 to the right at the top of the stairs and there was a bathroom off to the right of the stairs before the bedrooms started.

"Our room is this way." I guided her to the left and to the furthest bedroom.

She turned and let me lead her to the bedroom. She took in the mattress on the floor and looked at me puzzled. "No frame?" she finally voiced her confusion.

I smiled a sexy smile and winked at her, causing a small smile to come to her lips but she truly wanted an answer. Sexual inuendo aside.

With a sigh, I dropped my smile and walked over to the bed sitting down. I patted the mattress next to me. She obliged and looked at me for an answer before turning to scan the large room from this angle. There was bathroom directly across from me and to her left was a largeish closet. It wouldn't be enough for Alice but that's beside the point.

"When you change, it's 3 days of hell. As we have talked about repeatedly. A bedframe would likely get broken from your thrashing. Not to mention, I thought we'd pick out the bedroom furniture together. I didn't want to overstep by decorating without you." I tried to give her my warmest smile, but talking about her change ramped up her nerves.

"I love you. You don't have to change now, today. Or even tomorrow. But I do worry about you," I whispered at the end.

She touched my hands resting in my lap. "I love you and I'm changing for both of us. To be with you, to move into the next phase of my life as your mate. We're doing this. Yes, I'm nervous. I don't mind a little pain but I know this is not that. It's 'hell' just like you said. I'm scared, but not so scared I don't want it."

I nodded feeling her fear and determination battle each other.

"Okay, let's do this!" she clapped her hands and scooted back on the bed.

I turned and looked at her with wide eyes. "Now?"

"Well, we're not doing it during sex. I don't want to associate the two. We said we were doing it as soon as we got here. We didn't bring food or even toilet paper for me. So, yes, now."

I mean I knew what the plan was but she hadn't even looked at the other rooms, we didn't make love, we didn't get her any supplies, this was true. I hunted last night so I was good. This was the plan. I was just so shocked it was here.

It's here! I'm changing Bella!

I've changed hundreds of people in my time but this felt, weird, alien. I felt like I should be washing my hands or something and jumped up to head to the bathroom, only to remember the water wasn't on yet. I felt Bella's confusion and turned back to look at her.

She had a smirk on her lips as she laid on her back, her hands resting gently on her stomach as her head was turned in my direction. I think I moved faster than human and she could sense my nerves.

With authority she stated, "Get it together, Jasper. We're doing this," turning her head back to look up at the ceiling. I noted, there was mildew smell coming from up there. I'd have to work on that soon. I couldn't have it rain and drip on her while she changed.

"Right. Right." I walked over to the bed and leaned down to kiss her. "I love you. Sorry, I freaked out for a second." I kissed her deeply, leaving her panting.

"I'm sorry this gonna hurt you. It is the only time I've ever hurt you. I swear." She waved a hand at me like it didn't matter. I was irritated but I could feel her fear gaining momentum. She was trying to put on a brave face. I'd let her. I needed her to.

As if she read my mind, she cut her feelings from me and I started at the emptiness. We had talked about this too; she was going to shield her feelings from me to make it easier for me to do this. I was afraid if I knew I was causing her pain I wouldn't finish. She didn't think she'd be able to shield her pain once it got going, but I wasn't so sure. She had grown so much in the last couple months with her shield. I wouldn't be surprised if she maintained it most of the way, if not all of the way through her change.

I pecked on her lips again, calming myself and taking a deep breath. "See you soon. I love you." I whispered in her ear as I turned her head, barring her neck for me.

"I love you," she whispered.

With that I bit… "Uh Bella?" I said pulling back.

"Hmm?" She turned her head to look at me.

"Your physical shield is up, Darlin'." I stated with a small smile.

"Oh. OH!" she nodded and I saw her face scrunch just a little. "Try now."

I turned her head and poked at her soft skin with my finger. I smiled and nodded. "Silly girl." I said, kissing her lips again and then going to her once again exposed neck.

I bit down gently trying to be as soft as I could only to once again come in contact with her shield. I leaned back and looked at her wordlessly.

"What?" she asked with a curious expression.

"You're doing it again," I stated flatly. Not sure what to make of this situation.

"No, oh, I didn't mean to. Okay, try again. I'm sorry." She turned her head for me exposing her neck.

I kissed her neck only it wasn't her soft warm neck; it was a hard, invisible shield.

"Bella?" I sat back on my knees and then scooted a little further away.

"Are you afraid of me?" I asked looking down at my hands. I knew she was scared but I didn't think she was this scared.

"I could call Carlisle if you prefer?" I almost died to say those words, the thought of someone else changing her, was like tying barbed wire around my heart and squeezing it.

"NO!" she yelled and sat up. Not sure which question she yelled no to but I had a feeling it was both.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm just nervous and I'm scared, okay. No one likes the idea of being burned alive." She got off the bed and came to hug me from behind. I had turned away from her, feeling rejected.

I knew she was right. I just didn't know how to help her. It was the worst pain imaginable and then some. I was scared, she was scared. Maybe we were doing this all wrong. My problem was previously when I turned people it was another time, another life, another world. I was rewarded for my ability to change someone with sex. I could feel that person burning and Maria would take me next to their writhing body. It wasn't sexy. It was horrific. It burned me too. Only when she could get nothing else from me, was I allowed to leave the area.

I remember running from the changeling but not leaving camp. I couldn't leave camp. I would be hunted and I was too weak. I never realized until this moment she did that on purpose. Of course, she did. She did everything to control me. It wasn't about her pleasure next to the changing human but my pain. I didn't want to have sex while changing Bella either. I was many times required to do that while with Maria. To let go and if they survived the change, I was 'rewarded more'.

I felt Bella circle me and look into my eyes, but I wasn't all there. I was lost in the horror of a previous life. She was talking to me but all I could hear were the screams of changing humans and Maria's very vocal orgasms next to them. I was such a tool. If I could have evaporated, or disappeared or whatever in that moment I would have. Anything, to get away from those memories.

"Hey!" I felt a hard smack in the side of my head and looked at Bella. She was holding a hammer from the truck. She went to the truck?

"Hey, sorry." I looked at the hammer. "Sorry." I repeated, not sure what to do.

"Are you, okay? I thought I was the one freaking out here." She tossed the hammer on the floor; it made a divot in the wood. She sat back on the mattress on the floor.

I turned and joined sitting next to her again. "I guess I'm freaking out too." I answered honestly using her words. "I got lost in a memory. It wasn't a pleasant memory."

"Oh Jasper, I'm so sorry. I'm making this even harder on you. I swear. My shield is down. We'll be fine. You can do this. Please, I don't want Carlisle."

I smiled at her lovingly. "I will do this, and Carlisle will not touch you." I growled, trying to be sexy.

I leaned over, kissing her soundly and pulling her into my lap. Maybe we make love first, I thought. It would relax both of us. I began stripping her of her clothing and she must have realized what I was doing and why. She joined in helping me strip off my own clothing and scooting into the middle of the bed, she bared herself to me.

I took great care in kissing every warm, soft, inch of her rosy skin. I relaxed and realized I could do this. I wanted Bella forever. This was easy. I made love to her. We moaned and climaxed together. It was wonderful, fully of love and relaxing.

As we snuggled, in spoon form, I was the large spoon and I was ready. I kissed her warm neck and she angled it toward me. Always knowing what I was doing. I scooted closer to get a good angle and bit gently into her neck. Before I knew what was happening, I was thrown across the room by her shield and bounced off the wall, landing on my feet with one hand on the ground I stared at her. She was grabbing her bleeding neck and looking at me shocked.

"I didn't. I didn't…" she looked at her bloody hand and then back to me with wide eyes. I was back at her side. She was bleeding fast, as I did in fact puncture her carotid artery. I leaned into seal the wound but couldn't get to her, she was in a bubble.

"Damn it, Bella! I need to stop this!" I yelled at her and she kept her wide eyes on me. I saw her turn pale as she continued to lose blood. "Bella! Let me in!" I yelled and grabbed at her but was stopped. She watched my hand trying to close around her arm.

"Bella!" I yelled. She was in shock and I couldn't get to her to save her. Oh my God I was going to lose her right here and now and I was the one that killed her! She won't let me in. I kept trying. I tried to hug her but I couldn't. I watched as her eyes rolled into the back of her head and passed out.

"Bella!" I dove again at her neck to seal the wound and luckily with her unconscious I made it. I pumped venom in and sealed the wound. I didn't even try to taste her blood. She had none to spare. Her heart was stuttering already.

The bed was soaked in her blood but all I could do was focus on her. Her emotions were open to me and they were fear and resignation. She was sure she was going to die. She better not give up and leave me!

I began to hold her limp body in my arms and rock her. "Don't leave me, Bella. Don't leave me." Became my chant. I listened as her heart fought to pump the venom and it would either speed up and do its job or quit. It couldn't quit. I felt her pain and though it hurt, it was wonderful. If she was changing it was wonderful. I just had to make sure her heart did its thing.

"Don't leave me. You can do this, Bella. I got you. You have to fight for me, Bella. Please! Fight for me!" I wailed.

She wasn't screaming or thrashing, but she was panting and wiggling. I put her on the bed, trying to lay her away from the blood-soaked areas on the mattress. Oh God, she lost so much blood!

I couldn't leave her. I had to stay. All thoughts of house work had disappeared. I wanted desperately to at least clean the mattress but again, the water wasn't on and I wasn't leaving her for a second. She might need CPR. Would CPR work? I wasn't even sure. God I should have called Carlisle. I made a mess of this and now I might lose my mate!

"Come on, Bella fight!" I chanted. I knew she was fighting I could feel her pain, all here pain. I couldn't feel anything else. The fear was mildly there but I wasn't sure, it could be my fear. The resignation was gone but I didn't know what that meant. "Come on, Bella. Fight, fight for your life. Our life. Come on!"

I was her cheerleader and I wasn't even sure she could hear me. I didn't restrain her slight movements as much as I wanted to hold her, I knew it hurt. I also was scared if I did something more her heart would quit. It was playing a beat all its' own and it wasn't as fast as it should have been, it wasn't even steady and there was no pattern. I didn't know what to think.

This is why we had to do this. Her heart had issues we didn't know about. "Fuck!" I yelled into the cosmos. She trembled and curled into a ball, when I did that. Maybe that meant… maybe she can hear me. And I just scared her.

"Baby, come on. Come on Bella. You got it. This is happening. You're going to be fine. I love you." I just started repeating my declaration of love and positive thoughts. She wasn't dead yet. For ever minute she wasn't dead she was more vampire. I had to remember that. It didn't mean a thing. I've seen people's hearts give out on the second day. We're only a couple hours in.

Love and positive vibes are all I could offer. I gently petted her hair and coaxed her out of her ball. I could feel her discomfort and pain. That's all there was, pain. I stayed with her and watched for signs of change, distress, anything. Every time her heart skipped a beat, my dead one did too. Every time she groaned, I did too. This is not how this was meant to go. But then again when has Bella ever done what was expected?

I smiled softly thinking of her always doing the unexpected. I had no way to clean anything up and I felt bad. I briefly considered licking the blood off of her but there was too much and it was too weird. I wasn't fazed by smell. I at least had that going for me but she would be when she woke up. Her own blood or not, it was human and it was going to set her off.

I couldn't leave her. Not even to get the water turned on. I briefly thought about carrying her to the stream but I wasn't ready to do that yet. Maybe when she was awake, it would be the quickest way to wash the human blood off her.

This was horrible, she was so scared she couldn't let me finish. I almost took a chuck of her neck with me when she threw me across the room. I honestly don't know how I didn't. I'm forever thankful I didn't. I'm not sure if I had that I would have been able to save her. Why didn't I just bite her wrist or something? Cover James' mark? Because her change would have lasted longer that's why. That's why he bit her there. He wanted her to suffer. He had no idea Edward would suck the venom out.

I was going to replace that scar some day but not today. I got enough venom in her. I think. What she didn't have enough of was blood. I stared at the glowing red spot on the mattress wishing I could some how put it back.

I shouldn't have changed her. I haven't changed anyone in over fifty years. I should have let Carlisle do it, even if that's what neither of us wanted. It wasn't about what we wanted it was about what was right. He worked with blood every day.

No. I couldn't think that way. It wasn't the blood that was the problem. It her fear. We should have talked more. Should have had another plan. We should have done something different. I just don't know what.

"I love you. Hang in there!" I repeated as her heart stuttered once more. Why didn't Peter see this? Couldn't he have stopped it? I almost killed her! I growled and watched as she tried to roll away from the threat.

"No, no, Bella. I'm sorry. I love you. It's fine. Everything is going to be fine." I sent her my love, hoping it broke through the pain.

Her heart stuttered again.

AN: Well, if there was ever a time to shoot me. Now would probably be it. Does Bella make it or did this just become a tragedy? Thoughts/opinions?