Infatuation

by Forever without him

Doctor Alison DiLaurentis is sharp, a charming seductress. She is also a killer. Behind her eyes there is a darkness. Beneath her smile there are untold secrets. She thought she had everything figured out. But then Detective Emily Fields came into her life. Emily is hunting Rosewood's most notorious serial killer. She never expected to fall in love with her. DARK AU. M

11. Clarity

A/N: More M-rated stuff ahead.

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Chapter 11:

Clarity

Emily went to Alison's house every night for the next week. She became quite the frequent visitor at the DiLaurentis shack of love…or shackles of sex. It varied.

She was having the most wild tantric sex she'd ever had in her life.

It had been Alison's idea to introduce some fancy toys to their sexcapades. Emily was down for whatever she wanted to do.

That's how she ended up handcuffed to Alison's bed while the blonde plunged into her with a giant purple strap-on.

Emily had learned a few things since they'd started sleeping together.

The first was Alison's demand for control. Alison didn't like when Emily was on top of her. She had only let her do it once.

Normally Emily would have fought harder to have some control, but she understood Alison's need for it. The brunette was sympathetic to the fact that the trauma in Alison's past made her uncomfortable with power imbalances. Emily knew Alison needed to lead, and she was happy to let her.

She knew that by letting go of the control Alison would come to trust her enough to slowly give that power to her on her own.

The second thing Emily learned after they started sleeping together was that Alison liked to play rough.

The doctor hadn't been expecting Emily to be ready to play just as rough. Emily gave as hard as she got.

"Fuck." Emily's slick sweaty body quivered as Alison roughly thrust into her, burying the vibrating strap-on deep inside of her. "I'm close." She grunted and then gasped. "Ali…now, please." She yanked against the handcuffs.

Alison slammed into her again as she languidly reached for the cuffs, continuing to thrust as she unlocked them so Emily could touch her.

As soon as Emily's hands were free the detective dug her fingers into the blonde's ass, pulling her closer, burying her deeper.

The hot pads of Emily's fingertips sent ripples of pleasure through the blonde. She increased her speed and the depth of the thrusts so she could feel the pressure of the toy vibrating against her.

Emily could see the tell-tale signs of Alison's pleasure in subtle ways. Alison's arms shook as she dug her fingers into the sheets. Her back arched, curving, forcing her breasts and pelvis forward.

Emily paid very close attention to Alison when they were in bed together. She had memorized every feature on her face, every movement of her body. When Alison's eyes fluttered and her jaw fell open she knew the blonde was about to come.

The grunts of her thrusts slowly started to turn into whimpers of pleasure.

Alison's eyes were on hers, something that had become a necessity for both of them. It was powerful…letting each other in. It was what distinguished sex from making love.

Emily grabbed Alison's face and pulled her down, their bruised lips crashing together. Their tongues touched, gently stroking and circling.

Emily's stomach tightened as heat overtook her. Alison stilled her motions, pushing in as far as she could go. She froze, holding herself very still. She watched the pleasure wash across her girlfriend's face.

Emily gasped into their kiss as her walls clasped around the toy.

Alison's arms shook the mattress as she struggled to hold herself up as they shuddered against each other. A shaky breath came out of the blonde's mouth.

A gentle touch on her cheek drew Alison deeper into the brunette's gaze.

Emily couldn't take her eyes off of her.

Such beautiful eyes.

She had said that to Alison when they first met. Emily barely remembered it, but she knew she'd called her an angel.

Alison's crystal blue irises flickered in the low light of the lamp next to her bed. Swirls of the ocean and sky.

In times like these, the blonde's eyes were so different. They burned with the heat of blue flames. The air of pragmatism was gone, and in its place were the eyes of someone who loved passionately. The kind of love that continued for an eternity.

Alison was usually professional, composed and closed off. She restrained herself. Emily had seen that side of her when she was rolled into the ER. As much as the doctor wanted to break the rules…as much as she wanted to kiss Emily…she held back. Emily was learning that she was like that in life, too.

But when they were together...when they were baring their souls to each other Alison let go. She was wild, untamed.

Emily saw vulnerability in Alison's eyes. She saw her past. She saw her fears and insecurities. She saw her scars, the ones the blonde wouldn't allow herself to speak of.

There's so much more behind those eyes.

The gentle movement of Alison slowly pulling the toy out triggered an unexpected orgasm. Emily hissed and twisted her fingers into the sheets as her body fell out of her control again. She saw Alison's body jerk. The vibration against the blonde had sent her over the edge again, too.

After Alison had slipped the toy completely out of Emily she let herself gently fall against her trembling body. She was careful not to put any weight near the scar on her chest.

Though Emily's injury had healed outwardly, Alison knew that she still had occasional pain deep in her muscle tissue. And Alison hadn't exactly been gentle in their love-making.

"You okay?" Alison whispered, her breath tickling Emily's jaw.

"Mmhmm." Emily was still floating in a world of bliss.

Emily wrapped her arm around the small of her back. She reached up to stroke her hair, enjoying the feel of Alison's hot skin against hers.

Alison laid her hand against Emily's bare chest, feeling the thrumming of her heart. A soft hand landed on top of hers.

Emily. Gripping her hand, holding it in place as if to say "This is what you do to me."

A feathery sensation tickled the detective's neck. Alison lightly brushed her lips against the soft skin there.

The blonde shifted in the bed, slowly forming a trail of kisses down her body.

I love every last inch of you, Alison said with her kisses.

The brunette closed her eyes and laid her arm across her forehead, relishing in the sensation.

She felt the bed shifting as Alison worked her way out of the toy. Emily waited to hear the sound of it falling to the floor.

Instead, Alison slipped her hands up underneath Emily's thighs and gently lifted her legs. The brunette was still numb from her orgasm, but she felt the soft fabric of the harness being dragged up against her skin.

She looked down just as Alison cupped her ass to pull the harness completely over her hips, leaving the toy standing at attention between her legs.

"Really?" Emily laughed.

"I want to look into your eyes and feel every inch inside of me," Alison leaned over and pressed her lips against Emily's.

The third thing Emily had learned about Alison since they'd started having sex was that when she thought they were done, they were most definitely not done. Alison always craved more.

The blonde didn't say anything as she guided herself over the toy. She didn't say anything as she turned it on and grabbed the tip of it.

Christ. Emily thought to herself as she watched Alison's motions and felt the vibration against her core. She's going to be the death of me. I'm going to die with this woman on top of me mid-orgasm. Death by sex.

What a way to go though.

Alison slowly lowered herself on to the toy, a smirk on her face as she sank down until her pelvis was flush with Emily's. She put her hands against Emily's chest to steady herself and started moving up and down.

Emily grabbed her hips to help support her. She gently picked her hips up and Alison threw her head back and moaned.

They found a rhythm after a few minutes. Emily bucked up into her, watching as Alison's face contorted into a vision of pleasure. Her layered blonde curls fell into her face.

Alison bounced freely, her breasts moving up and down like a gravitational pull against her body. Emily reached up and caressed her chest, paying special attention to her nipples.

The blonde groped Emily's chest. She pressed the palms of her hands against Emily's breasts as she rode against her. She curled her fingers, squeezing harshly.

The pleasure and pain melded together. That feeling coupled with the vibration of the toy against her own core sent a wave of pleasure crashing over Emily.

She cupped Alison's face, knowing she was close. She held out for her. She always liked it when they experienced the feeling of it together.

"Emily." Alison finally broke her silence, the word slipping out in a long hushed whisper as she dug her fingers harder against Emily's breasts.

Emily felt a tangible electric surge shoot straight to her core. She watched Alison as her orgasm washed over her. Her body was gleaming with sweat. Her cheeks were bright red. She smiled at Emily, her blue eyes burning into her soul.

Holy shit, I'm falling in love with her was the thought Emily had as she reached her peak.

Alison's jaw fell open as she let go. Her chest was heaving. She loosened her grip on Emily's chest. She stayed still for a few moments as her insides pulsed. When the spasms stopped she lifted herself off of the toy, her body still shaking.

She fell on top of Emily. The detective laid her arm across her back as the blonde panted against her collar bone.

After a few seconds Alison rolled off of her and collapsed next to her. Emily turned the toy off and loosened the harness, wiggling out of it, kicking it to the floor. She turned to her side and wrapped her arms around Alison.

Their body heat was sweltering, but Emily didn't mind. Holding her was her favorite part. She loved the feel of having Alison in her arms.

Her head always felt so clear after they'd had sex. It was calm. Serene. It took her away from all the swirling thoughts about Maya and serial killers and rapists. With Alison, she could just bask in the quiet depths of her mind for a little while.

"My, my Detective Fields, you have quite the stamina." Alison pressed a kiss against her lips. "Thank you for that lovely encore."

"The pleasure was all mine, Dr. DiLaurentis." Emily trailed her index finger against the blonde's jaw. She tucked a stray strand of her sweaty hair behind her ear.

Alison smiled, but it slowly faded. She traced her fingertip against the scar on the detective's chest. She was worried about hurting her. She knew she could get lost in the heat of the moment.

Her nightmares had stopped for the moment, but her apprehension remained.

"It wasn't too rough, was it?" Alison lightly pecked the tip of her scar.

The kiss sent a shiver down Emily's spine. Alison's lips were light and airy against her skin.

"No." Emily caressed Alison's soft blonde hair. "It was perfect."

You're perfect, Alison.

"This is my favorite part, you know." When Alison said it, it came out almost child-like, shy. She'd never known intimacy before. "Just being here in your arms."

"It's my favorite part, too." Emily snaked her other hand underneath Alison and clasped her fingers against her back. She kissed Alison's forehead. "You're so beautiful."

The blonde's cheeks flushed.

"And you, Emily Fields…" Alison nuzzled closer to her, "…are the most gorgeous woman in all of existence."

"In all of existence?" Emily looked at her playfully, skeptically. "I don't know. There are a lot of people on the planet."

"You are a Goddess among them." She rubbed Emily's shoulder.

"Well, I mean…I am pretty fucking hot. How else could I have landed you? With my unmatched charms? Was that why you found me so irresistible?"

"No." Alison deadpanned. "It was your humility. You were so very humble trying to get into my pants as you were dying."

Emily chuckled.

"You liiiiike me." Emily was grinning from ear to ear. "You think I'm charming."

She saw Alison look away sheepishly. Perhaps the blonde more than liked her. Perhaps Emily felt the same way. But it was too soon to say. They both knew it. They were having sex, but they were still getting to know each other in many other ways.

They'd come quite a ways from flirting over dinner and talking about their favorite colors, which Alison still remembered in perfect clarity.

"What's your favorite color?" She had asked.

Emily had looked directly into her eyes as she answered,

"Blue."

Alison had told her she'd look sexy in royal blue.

"You remember when I told you I thought you'd look really sexy in royal blue?" Alison traced an invisible line against Emily's jaw.

"Mmhmm." Emily ran her hand along Alison's side, down to her hip. Her body was slick with sweat, warm and pliable.

Alison leaned forward until their lips were nearly touching. She brushed her mouth past Emily's jaw. Her breath tickled the brunette's ear,

"I think I might like you better in nude." She winked as she squeezed Emily's ass cheek.

"You naughty girl." Emily pressed the tip of her index finger against Alison's bruised lips. Alison kissed it.

"You have no idea." She tried to hide the dark nature in her tone.

"I bet there's a lot I don't know about you." Emily was fascinated by the girl in her arms.

The way Emily's face lit up had a quality of innocence that Alison held dear. Emily's light seemed to be untouched by the horrors she'd seen. It was admirable. She knew that the brunette had a darkness inside of her, but the light balanced it out.

"What you see is what you get." Alison smiled sweetly. Except the homicidal maniac that rents out my head from time to time.

"I think there's more." Emily tangled her fingers into Alison's hair. Her touch made the blonde shiver.

"There is always more." Alison kissed her delicately. I hate long walks on the beach. I despise women who think yoga is the "it" thing. I think people who like decaffeinated coffee are from hell. Also, I'm a serial killer. I murder people and string them up like puppets. Oh, and I enjoy abstract art and puppies.

"Well, whenever you're ready to divulge more, I'm here to listen." Emily's soft moist lips landed on Alison's.

"Hmm. Okay." Alison trailed her finger along Emily's sweaty skin, tracing her scar, cocking her head and peering at it from a clinical standpoint. The way it had healed, its distinguishing mark on her skin. "Well, this is something you might already know, but…" She lowered her voice to a whisper and kissed her, "I'm quite fond of you. Perhaps it's cheesy to say so, but it means a great deal to me to have you in my life."

The gentle appreciative expression in Emily's eyes made Alison's stomach rumble, filling it with a warm fuzzy fluttering sensation that was beyond butterflies. It was like thousands of doves flapping their wings at once. And they were drunk. Drunk doves. That's what Emily gave her. Not butterflies. Drunk fucking doves.

She bit her lip shyly, still not used to being sentimental…still not sure how much of it was real.

Emily cupped her cheek, her eyes on Alison's.

"I'm quite fond of you, too." Her fingers left traces of fiery warmth on her cheeks. "So if you're cheesy, then so am I."

Alison buried her face in Emily's shoulder and laughed. She could taste the salty sensation of her sweat.

"You're so fucking smooth, Fields." She murmured against her skin, her statement meaning more than one thing.

"I mean it. I really do." Emily kissed the top of her head, her nostrils tickled by her damp hair.

Alison lifted her head.

"What about you? What else don't I know about you? Like…I know you lived in Mill Creek, but what street did you live on when you moved here?" Why did we never meet? Maybe she'd be normal if she had met Emily sooner. "Did you have any pets when you were a kid?"

"What is this, are you phishing for my password?" Emily teased her.

"I want to know more about who you are…what makes you tick." Her finger drew a pattern against Emily's arm, a mindless motion that she wasn't even thinking about. She was just doing it.

"I had a cat named Sunny." Emily smiled. "He was this big orange lovebug. I took him with me when I left home."

"For college?" Alison questioned.

Emily stiffened, then a small jolt jerked her body.

Thoughts of Maya swirled in her brain. They were supposed to go to college together.

Emily had dragged Maya to her bedroom one day, covering her eyes to contain the surprise. Maya thought she had something sexy and elaborate planned, but when they walked into the room there were brochures fanned out all along Emily's bed.

"What do you think, My?" Emily had pulled her hand away from Maya's eyes.

"Um…I think those are going to get in the way of why I came over here." Maya had wrapped her arms around Emily's neck and let them dangle over her shoulders.

Emily had pulled back shyly.

"My mom is home." Her mother knew they were dating, but she didn't like it.

"Right." Maya lifted her brows, her forehead creasing in annoyance. "Sorry we couldn't hang at my place, but my brother is working on a new set. It's obnoxious. I have daydreams about smashing his drums with a tire iron."

She'd glanced at the papers on the bed, but before she could get a good look, Sunny hopped up on the bed, scattering the brochures that Emily had lined out.

He'd laid his big furry ass over three different photo collages all made up of pretty much the same stock photos and then stared at Emily, daring her to yell at him.

Maya had laughed and plopped down next to him to rub his head.

"What is all of this?" She'd wiggled a brochure out from underneath the unbothered feline.

"Our future." Emily's voice bestowed her excitement. "I picked out places that have musical studies and sports medicine."

"Is that so?" Maya's eyes were still on the cat. "Well, it seems as if the King of Pride Rock has other plans for us. I don't believe he wants us to leave."

"He's coming, too." Emily had taken her place next to Maya on the bed.

Sunny had then taken it upon himself to stand and arch his back, a lazy stretch. His tail hit Emily in the face, which made them both break out in laughter. It made the room feel rich and warm.

A series of flashes ripped the memory away.

A sea of blood.

Rotting flesh.

Flies.

Her screams.

"Em?" Alison cocked her head, recognizing the empty look in her eyes. She saw a piece of herself in that look. "Where did you go just now?" She caressed the detective's cheek.

"Sorry." Emily blinked suddenly, like she was coming out of hypnosis. "It's just…I was supposed to go to college with Maya."

"Oh." Alison answered, a blank expression on her face. She wasn't sure which emotion she was supposed to fake for the dead ex-girlfriend of her current lover.

"I never actually went." Emily's voice came out shaky. "My mother and I had a huge fight. I was so angry at her after Maya died. I went to stay with Toby."

Alison still wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't meant to drudge up Maya. She would never intentionally hurt Emily.

"How long were you guys roommates?" She tried to shift the subject.

"Seven years. I moved out to a little apartment after I graduated from the academy. Once I was promoted to detective I invested in a house. No pets after Sunny though." Emily brought the conversation back around. "Toby has a dog now. A German Shepherd. Duke. He got him three years ago."

Though he looked the part, Duke wasn't a K-9 officer. Toby got him from a rescue. When Emily found out he got a Shepherd she'd laughed and called him a walking stereotype.

"What about you?" Emily questioned. "Did you have any pets growing up?"

"My aunt was allergic to cats, but she had a dog. His name was Pepe. He was a Border Collie mix. He was a good boy. Lived to the ripe old age of fifteen."

"You ever think about getting another dog?"

"It would be unfair given that I'm at the hospital so much. Though, I have considered a cat." Alison liked cats. They were basically just sociopaths with fur.

They hunted and killed just like she did. But their displays of bodies were less complex. They simply left little carcasses on counters and in shoes…because they could.

"Here, human. Fuck you. But also, I love you. Fill my food bowl you worthless peon of a can opener."

Cats were cool. They might snuggle you. They might eviscerate you in your sleep.

"Do you like art?" Alison touched Emily's outer thigh with her fingertips.

Emily was a work of art herself.

"I do. I'd love to go to The Louvre in Paris one day."

Ah, sweet Paree.

"Who's your favorite artist?"

"Vincent Van Gogh." Emily's eyes drifted away as she got lost in thought. "His paintings really speak to me. He left his heart and his pain in his work. I can relate to that…to having a little madness in your soul."

Intriguing.

It was unfathomable to think that Emily had a speck of darkness in her soul.

Alison lived in that darkness. The voices told her it's who she was. She fought it for a while, but then the pressure became too much. It grew to the crest of a wave and washed over her. She accepted the darkness.

"I like Georgia O'Keefe." Alison really enjoyed the images she saw in O'Keefe's paintings, mostly because she was convinced the woman was just drawing abstract vaginas and putting them on display.

"Alma Thomas is incredible, too." Emily stretched.

Emily's phone chimed. She reached for it, sitting up to grab it. She scrolled past a text from Hanna she'd gotten that afternoon. A simple question.

Coffee tonight?

Her reply,

Yes! Will definitely need the caffeine boost. Will text you before I head in to the precinct.

She opened her new messages.

"Anything important?" Alison wanted to rip the phone out of her hand and throw it against the wall.

If she had her way the world would only exist for her and Emily. Maybe she could murder the whole world. Maybe it could be just the two of them for the rest of their lives.

Emily looked at a new message from Toby.

Haven't heard from you in a while. Just checking in. You coming to work any time soon?

"It's just Toby checking in." Emily sent a quick reply,

Sorry. Lost track of time. What time do you want to meet at the station?

There was a pause as three little dots appeared on screen. His message popped up.

Whenever you're finished entertaining your ladyfriend.

Translation: When you're done boning your girlfriend.

Emily suppressed a laugh.

"I'm supposed to meet him at the station to go over some files with him, but I'm meeting a friend for a quick cup of coffee before I head in, so I never got back to him on a time." Emily hit a button on the side of her phone and the screen went dark as she put it against the table next to the bed.

A friend? Who is this friend? I hate them. I will destroy them. Alison felt her eyes narrowing, her jealousy bubbling. She tried not to let it show.

She tried to keep her impulsive ideas at bay. For one, she didn't hurt innocent people. And if Emily's friends started showing up dead that would look awfully suspicious.

She didn't need to feel threatened. Emily was in her bed.

Emily plopped back down next to Alison and pulled the covers up around them.

"It's nice that Toby cares so much." The blonde kissed Emily's shoulder. "When you came into the ER I could tell you two had a special bond."

"He's like my brother." Emily wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Toby.

"My brother was protective, too," Alison said quietly, closing her eyes.

She could see her sandy-haired big brother, bangs hanging in his face.

"You're okay, Ali. I'll protect you."

Alison squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. She thought of the day he'd found her curled up in her Barbie towel, staring into a void in shock.

"Ali?" Emily's touch drew her out of her thoughts. Alison concentrated on Emily's palm against her cheek as she opened her eyes. "You're shaking."

How long did I black out this time?

"I miss him," Alison whimpered, moving closer to Emily's body. "I was just a little girl when it happened, but I still remember him. And I miss him."

"Do you want to tell me about him?"

The way Emily had phrased the question was telling. She hadn't asked her to tell her about Jason. She had asked if she wanted to. She had given her the control.

"Jason was…" Alison searched for the words. Her big brother had done so much for her. She hadn't realized how much until she'd gotten older. She hadn't understood a lot about her childhood, but she knew that Jason had shielded her from horrible things, "He was my angel. He loved me. He protected me."

Emily thought about what she'd read in the police report about Alison's family.

"Jason was trying to protect me," she'd told Detective Furey.

She'd told a lot of lies that day, but that wasn't one of them.

"He protected me from everything. Strangers. Bullies." Her eyes darted away, and she pulled back emotionally, "Our parents…"

Alison had yet to tell Emily the extent of her childhood. All Emily knew was what she'd read in the file. They were hardly parents of the year. They made Emily's mother's homophobia seem tame in comparison. Alison had gone through something wildly traumatic. Emily had read as much in the report.

The detective had seen Alison naked before she was actually naked. She had seen the raw wounds that Alison had yet to tell her about. In a way, she felt guilty. Looking at the police report felt like a violation of ethics of sorts.

"He protected you…from your parents?" Emily repeated slowly.

Alison closed her eyes. Emily couldn't tell where the blonde went when she separated herself from her past. All she could do was wait until she snapped out of it.

Tears leaked from Alison's eyes.

Emily hated to see her cry. She swiped her thumb underneath her eye to catch a droplet before it fell.

Alison opened her eyes and smiled at her.

I would do anything for that smile. Emily realized. I would do anything for her.

She had no idea at the time just how far she'd be willing to go for the blonde.

Alison chewed on her lip. Emily patiently waited for her to continue.

"My parents had a certain…" Alison's voice cinched, she choked, "…future lined up for us. But my brother…he refused to do what they wanted."

"You have to learn…"

"I don't want to!"

Emily saw the moment that Alison disconnected. She saw the moment the blonde's walls came up.

"Refused?" Emily kept the response simple. She left it open for Alison to continue if she wanted to, but she didn't ask for specifics.

"I can't say that I didn't have a privileged life as a child," Alison replied after nearly a minute of silence. "But that came at a high cost. My brother and I were expected to meet certain…" She was lost for words again, "…expectations."

Emily didn't say a word. She simply listened. She knew that's what Alison needed…for someone to hear her.

Alison took a breath and saw the flash of a camera.

"Give her a little kiss on the cheek."

"Mooom…"

"Alison, smile for the camera dear."

A missing chunk of memory.

Her mother placing Jason's hand on her knee and telling him to kiss her again.

A darkness overpowered the light of the camera. She couldn't see him, but she heard her brother's voice,

"I'll never hurt you, Ali." A pause. "I'll never let them hurt you either."

"He sheltered me. Kept me out of the dark parts. I was too young to rebel against my parents and their demands." She took a breath. "But he wasn't."

And thank God for that.

Emily could see the pain in her statement, and her mind ran rampant. She wanted to ask, What dark parts? What did they make you do, Alison? But she stayed quiet. She let Alison share her truth.

"Jason always knew what to say…what to do…to keep the focus off me. And he suffered because of it. He always got in more trouble."

Alison felt a panic rising in her chest.

"Hide, Ali. Hide. Cover your ears."

A dark closet. Muffled noises. Then,

"You have to learn." Her mother. Determined. Agitated. Angry.

"I don't want to!" Jason. Stubborn. Fearless. Protective.

"You have to. Our benefactors have been very generous, but they're getting impatient. I know you're nervous, but you don't have to be. I can show you everything. Let me teach you…"

"No!" A growl. Defiance. "She's my SISTER. And she's a kid! You and dad aren't getting ANYWHERE near her. I'll kill you first. I'll kill you!"

"Where is she, Jason? Where is your sister?" Unbothered.

"Go away." He demanded. "Or I'll call the cops. Let dad try to explain the black eye. The bruises on my stomach."

Her parents were able to get away with a lot. They paid a lot of very powerful people. And that made her and Jason helpless.

She hated feeling helpless.

Alison took a breath and opened her eyes.

Emily saw something in her expression. She could tell that Alison was holding back, but she didn't push her. She never pushed her. She knew that Alison would open herself up in her own time.

She wanted to ask the glaringly obvious question. She wanted to know if her parents had hurt her.

She'd seen the report. She saw the implication of abuse. Her brother had been to the ER quite a bit. He'd also called the cops on their father.

Alison had been in the ER once with a broken arm when she was three.

Did your father break your arm, Alison?

All the police could get out of her when she was a traumatized seven-year-old was that their father spanked them.

The wheels started turning in her head. She wasn't Emily Fields, girlfriend and lover. She was Detective Emily Fields trying to figure out a case that had been solved long ago, because it mattered to her.

Were they abusive? Did Jason fight back the night they were killed?

She looked at Alison.

You loved your brother. You would have done anything for him. Would you have lied for him? Is that the burden you're carrying?

She would understand it if that was the case. She wouldn't hold it against her. Alison would want to preserve her memories of her brother as the hero that he often was to her. She wouldn't want to taint that memory if he'd done something horrible to protect her.

Emily thought about the police report again. She'd read it cover to cover. She'd seen the wounds. She'd read the forensics report.

She knew the trajectory of the knife couldn't have come from a fifteen-year-old boy. The knife was in the hands of someone professional. And angry. Alison's father fit that profile.

Her brother had stepped in front of her to protect her. That's what big brothers did. Toby would have done the same.

"I miss him. It's been twenty-three years, but I still miss him so much. I owe him everything. I owe him my life." Alison stroked Emily's collar bone. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get all sappy on you."

"It's okay." Emily smiled, kissing her head.

It was Alison's phone that bleated and interrupted them this time.

"Aren't you on call tonight?" Emily rubbed her back.

"Don't remind me." Alison looked at her phone, disgusted.

She wanted to live in a world where she could just be with Emily all day. She wanted to fuck, eat, and lay in bed with her.

"What time does your shift start?" Emily questioned.

"Two."

Emily looked at the clock. It was 10:00. She wanted to stay, but she'd already made plans with Hanna and had obligations at work.

"As much as I hate to admit it, dear…" Emily kissed her forehead. "We can't stay here and fornicate all night."

Fornicate. Alison snorted out a laugh.

"It would be a wonderful world if we could." Alison smiled.

"Look, I know I'm hot and really good at making you call my name…"

"Brag, brag, brag." Alison playfully popped her shoulder. "If I recall correctly you were shouting my name, too."

"I was indeed." She grinned. "But we have work to do, Doctor." She sat up, stretching her legs out and swinging them over the side of the bed. She looked at Alison over her shoulder. "You need a shower unless you want everyone at the hospital to know you've been rolling around in the sack with me for the last three hours."

"Maybe I do. Maybe I like showing you off." Alison sat up behind her, wrapping her arms around Emily's stomach and laying her chin against her shoulder. Maybe I love smelling like you all night and day.

Emily reached up and put her hand on the blonde's cheek. She slowly turned around.

She took in the sight of Alison's beautiful body in the nude.

"You're checkin' me out." Alison teased her.

"Every minute of every day." She kissed her before standing up and gathering her clothes.

They'd been thrown off in a fit of passion. She wasn't sure where her bra had landed. She pulled her shirt on and then put on her underwear.

Alison stood up and grabbed her robe. She wrapped it around her body and sauntered up behind the brunette, who was buttoning her pants.

"Emily?" she softly touched her shoulder. Emily turned around to meet her gaze. "It means a lot to me that you listen to me. That you…that you just listen without judgment. What I have with you I've never really had with anyone else." She sucked in a breath. Her face was awash with nerves. "I think I…"

Emily could see what she was going to say written all over her face.

I think I'm falling in love with you.

"I just…I care for you a great deal." She leaned in and kissed Emily's cheek. "Be careful out there on those mean streets. I would hate for the boogeyman to get you."

Emily smiled and put a hand on each side of Alison's face and tilted it up. Her hands slipped down to the blonde's neck.

Alison felt like melting. Emily said so much by saying so little.

I love you, too.

"You're very special to me, too, Alison."

So incredibly special.

As special, maybe even more-so, than Maya.

Emily curled her fingers underneath Alison's chin, her thumb grazing the side of her lip. She kissed her lightly.

"I'll see you after your shift. We'll get lunch."

Alison nodded. She took Emily's hand and smiled at her. Then she walked her out of her room and to the front door.

They shared another kiss before Emily opened the door. It was getting harder and harder to leave Alison's house.

Emily kept replaying their night in her mind as she went home and showered.

Her eyes. God help me, those eyes…

She could still feel Alison inside of her. She could feel her deep concentrated thrusting. She could feel her hands against her chest.

She touched herself. She was still sensitive and swollen. She was a little sore, but nothing she couldn't handle.

She cleaned herself up and put on a clean set of clothes. She saw a stupid grin on her face every time she passed by a mirror.

After she dried her hair she grabbed her things and drove to the late night coffee shop.

When she walked inside she was met by a squeal from her childhood best friend. The first thing Hanna did was grin at her.

"Oh, giiiirl, someone got some tonight." Hanna blew on the edge of her coffee. "Got your favorite." She held out a disposable cup with a green sleeve. "Americano with whipped cream. Weirdo." She laughed.

"You remembered." Emily was impressed. The heat from the cup warmed her palms.

"You've changed a lot over the years, but I figured your taste was probably still the same." Hanna gently tapped her own cup against Emily's, toasting to their friendship.

"God, it's good to see you." Emily slipped into a booth. Hanna followed, sitting across from her. "How are Caleb and the kids?"

"Getting settled." Hanna wriggled in the booth, adjusting her butt against the seat. "I know we've been here a year, but we've traveled so much that I feel like we just moved back."

She looked exhausted, but there was a smile on her face.

"How are things with the start-up at the studio?" Emily reached for a packet of sugar and smacked it against her palm to settle the contents at one end before opening it.

Hanna had been traveling with her business partner, Mona Vanderwaal. They worked a variety of different fields. Fashion. Décor. Dance.

"Living the dream." Hanna grabbed a small container of creamer and peeled the top off.

Emily couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not, which was the beauty of Hanna Marin.

"What about you? Heard you've been fighting crime. You healing from that kryptonite bullet, Supergirl?"

Emily chuckled.

"Why…Ms. Luthor, I'm honored you're concerned about my well-being." She playfully put her hand against her chest and then held it out like she was a dainty young girl.

"Can't have my best girl all banged up. I'm thinking of putting my ventures on hold and creating a super-suit for you." Hanna gave her a mischievous look. "You know I'd blow up the world and everything in it if something actually happened to you."

Hanna's tone was playful, but the intense look in her eyes was serious.

"I've always admired how fierce you are, Han, but destroying the world for one person?" She tapped her fingers against the table.

"You've been through a lot." Hanna's statement wasn't meant to serve as a reminder, but as a sympathetic show of solidarity. "You deserve to be happy."

"I am." There was a slight pause. "Sort of." Happy was a complicated emotion. It existed in the realm of being sad, too. "I'm getting there."

Hanna heard the hesitation in her tone. She didn't waver at all as she reached across the table and put her hand on top of Emily's…like she'd done at Maya's funeral so many years ago.

"How have you and your mom been doing since your dad died?"

She wasn't afraid to ask the tough questions. There was no bullshit with her. It didn't matter that they hadn't been in constant contact. When they saw one another they picked up right where they'd left off.

"Good days and bad days." Emily admitted, knowing there was no sense in hiding it. "Healing scars and all that."

"And your mom? How are things with her?"

"Better, actually. You should come to dinner with us sometime. She'd love to see you. She loves you." Emily smiled, lifting her hand and gently prying away from Hanna so she could grip her coffee in both hands.

Hanna snorted, dangerously close to knocking her cup over.

"Pam Fields…liking the untamed wild child with no filter who corrupted her precious baby girl? That Pam Fields? Did she have a stroke and forget who she is?"

Emily's mother had always had a reputation, and it had carried over throughout the years, though most people didn't know what she'd been going through in order to change for the better.

She'd left the church, opting to worship at home since she couldn't stand hearing the hate preached about people like her child. She had joined pro-LGBTQ groups to learn more about how to be an ally. She had been working towards becoming a better person, a more understanding person.

"My mother always appreciated your brevity." Emily was telling the truth, but Hanna didn't believe her.

"Bullshit." A sardonic laugh.

"No. Seriously. She hated that you had a mouth on you, but when you spoke she listened."

Hanna seemed impressed.

"I was but a stranger on Planet Fields and was unaccustomed to your strange ways." Hanna spoke in a monotonous tone, trying to mimic how an alien might sound. "Perhaps I misjudged the odd creature in the kitchen."

Emily was glad she wasn't sipping her coffee, because she started howling with laughter.

"What about you? How is your mom?" Emily questioned.

"Fabulous as always." Hanna flipped her hair, smiling with pride. "Found herself a really nice man to settle down with."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…you're not going to believe what he does for a living." Hanna cracked a smile, biting down on her lip to fight back a laugh.

"She always had a type for men who worked with their hands." Emily remembered Hanna's mom dating a lot of labor workers.

"Well…from this man's hands to God's ears. Literally. He's a Pastor." Hanna tapped a stirring stick against a napkin. "Real nice guy. His name is Ted. I like him. He's not like one of those creepy weirdo cult leader church men. He's laid back. Does shit like charity and Habitat for Humanity."

"That's awesome."

"There's someone out there for everyone." Hanna's eyes landed directly on Emily's gaze, her face aflame with a burning question, "So…how is it going with your hot new woman?" She stirred her coffee with her stirrer.

"She has a name." Emily laughed, her face turning red. I was shouting it earlier, thank you very much.

"Oh, okay. Excuuuuse me. Doctor Hot Woman." Hanna softly kicked her underneath the table, watching as Emily's cheeks flushed even brighter.

"It's going good." She glanced down at the foam in her cup, smiling like an idiot again. "Really good."

"Well, that sounds promising." Hanna's lips curled into a soft subtle smile. Her brows raised, giving the slightest inclination of intrigue. Her eyes danced in delight. "How long have you two been boinking?"

"That's why it's so good." Emily blew on her steaming cup of coffee. "We only recently started with all the physical stuff. We were dating…seeing each other almost every single day for over a month before we…" She trailed off with a "you know" look in her eyes.

"Jumped in the sack like two stray cats in heat?" Hanna was not as discreet.

"You have such a gift with words." Emily deadpanned.

"Jeeze Em, a whole month?" Hanna was as shocked as Aria had been when Alison told her the same thing. "Yeesh, my tits would have been ready to explode if I waited that long." She casually sipped her coffee, despite getting a bunch of weird stares from surrounding insomniac customers.

Hanna was unapologetic. Sometimes Emily had to remind her to talk with her inside voice.

"Public coffee shop, Han." She tipped her chin up and motioned to the other patrons.

"Oh, please, they're all thriving on this. We're all junkies here getting our fixes late at night because that's when the real fun begins. I guarantee these people all wake up angry demons waiting for the sweet release of freedom. I know I'm not fully human when the sun is out. I walk around all day a grumpy ball of primordial ooze until the night comes to life."

"You turned into a true New Yorker out there, didn't you?" Emily clucked her tongue and shook her head.

"All I'm saying is that we're all here pounding coffee for some reason." Hanna toasted the air towards a woman at the counter ordering. "And if it just so happens that I want to talk about pounding something else, then I will." She grinned.

"I can't take you anywhere." Emily laughed.

"So…this girl is clearly different than your one and done procedure…"

"God, you make me sound like a hooker." Emily reached for another packet of sugar.

"Nah, hookers get paid. By definition, you're a slut...unless she's slipping you something other than her tongue." Hanna winked.

"What is it with you tonight?" Emily stopped short of putting her hand over Hanna's mouth. "Do I need to cram a muffin in your mouth to shut you up?"

As soon as she said it she realized exactly what it sounded like.

I am going to regret that choice of words…

"Sure." Hanna grinned. "I'll eat your muffin, Em." After a playful laugh she added, "I'm sorry. Mother of two very impressionable boys. I have to get my kicks when they're not within earshot."

"I see." Emily lifted a single brow…questioning, "Are you quite finished?"

"No." Hanna blew a cool breath against her drink before drawing out a single word, "Seeeeeexxxxx." Then she smiled and said, "Okay, I'm done." She shrugged. "For now."

She tipped her cup forward and took a sip of her coffee, dipping her tongue slightly into the swirl of creamer.

"So…tell me more about Hot Doc. How much have you told her…about your past? About Maya?"

"She knows. We've talked about it." Emily didn't have any secrets. She wanted to be completely open with her.

"Wow." Hanna nodded in approval. "You never went there with Coffee Girl. What was her name again?"

Anyone else might have gotten annoyed with their friend for not remembering small details, but Emily didn't hold it against Hanna. She had a lot going on in her life. Two children. Constantly on the move for her job. It was a miracle she had time to get a coffee with her.

"Sabrina."

"Right. She seemed nice."

"You sound like my mother." Emily scoffed.

"Don't insult me." Hanna's response made Emily chuckle. "You think this new relationship will end better than Sabrina?" She leaned forward, chin in her palm, rapt with attention.

"I don't think it will end." Emily couldn't help but smile.

"Really?" All traces of Hanna's jovial nature faded into something sincere. "You're like serious serious?"

"I think it's headed that way, yeah." Emily leaned back and pondered thoughtfully.

"Wow." Hanna repeated again, stunned that Playgirl Emily Fields had finally been tamed. "Bout time."

Emily opened up to Hanna, telling her about Alison, about how they'd helped one another heal in a lot of ways.

Hanna caught Emily up to speed on how her kids and husband were doing.

They were halfway through their coffee when Emily's phone chimed at her. At first she thought it was Toby telling her to get her ass to work, but when she looked down she saw a message from the blonde.

Miss you…

Three little dots…

…and your tongue. Followed by a peach emoji.

Emily smirked. Hanna caught it.

"That your girlfriend?" She teased. "What did she say?"

"She misses me."

"She's got it bad." Hanna sipped her coffee.

Emily glanced at the clock, keeping an eye on the time. She needed to be at the station soon or else Toby would call in the cavalry. The only reason he wasn't more of an ass about it is because he knew she worked the case on her own time.

They were always on duty. Because criminals didn't work a typical 9-5. That meant Toby and Emily were at the mercy of their schedule. The stakes were too high to slack off.

There was a certain military style of way they did things. Bullets were constantly flying, metaphorically as well as physically. They were always in combat, ready for a fight. And if a break happened in the case, whether it was office hours or 3 AM, they had to take that call.

Emily took note of the time. As she was turning to face Hanna again her eyes landed on two women wearing medical apparel standing at a table near them.

"Doctor Montgomery?" Emily recognized the short girl with the bob haircut, pink streaks in it.

Aria turned around and smiled at her.

"Detective Fields! Hey!" She was holding a coffee cup that was almost as big as she was.

As Aria moved towards her, the tall slender girl followed her. Emily remembered her from the hospital. Spencer Hastings.

"Doctor Hastings, hi." Emily started to stand to greet her, but Spencer waved for her to sit back down.

Spencer had the same size cup as Aria. It looked more like a bucket than a cup.

"It's good to see you again, Detective. You're looking well."

"Had a hell of a surgeon." Emily had a twinkle in her eye. "Why don't you join us?" She scooted over to make room. "Hanna, these are Alison's colleagues. Doctor Spencer Hastings and Doctor…"

"Aria Montgomery!" Hanna squealed.

"Hanna!" Aria's eyes lightened in delight. "Oh my God, I haven't seen you since the calamine lotion incident at camp. It's been forever." Aria slid next to Emily. "How have you been?"

Hanna moved to make room for Spencer, and then introduced herself to her.

"Hanna Marin, former camp prankster. I used to get Aria in so much trouble at summer camp." She eagerly shook the poised surgeon's hand.

"Spencer Hastings. I keep Aria out of trouble." She gave the smaller brunette a teasing smile.

"She tries to." Aria scoffed with a flick of her wrist. "My God, Marin, what have you been up to?"

"Well, it's actually Marin-Rivers now. And I have a house full of boys who think they can out-prank the master."

"Tell. Me. Everything." Aria dramatically put her palms against the table.

Spencer and Emily shared a look, both giving the other a quiet nod.

Aria was very chatty.

Spencer was polite, but Emily could see her scrutinizing her, reading her with curious speculative eyes, almost apprehensive.

Emily had gotten used to seeing that look on the streets when she was in uniform, but Spencer's careful consideration of her seemed to have more to do with her connection to Alison.

Emily knew that there was tension between them.

Spencer resented Mary Drake, the woman who had given her up at birth, only to end up raising Alison seven years later.

Emily knew it was best to give Spencer her space.

Hanna was in the middle of regaling them with tales from summer camp when Emily noticed another familiar woman sitting across the shop, staring at them.

The lanky mousy brunette waved at Emily like they were old friends…like it was a coincidence that she was there. She bounded to her feet in excitement.

Everyone at the table saw her coming. There was a collective grumble of disapproval.

"Ignore her." Emily uttered under her breath, "Or at least try to…"

"Fancy meeting you here, Detective." Alex Drake grabbed a chair. Its legs shrieked against the ground as she pulled it across the floor.

She sat down and made herself at home. She looked at Spencer's lab coat and Aria's scrubs and smirked. Her eyes looked like they might explode out of their sockets when she realized she'd hit the motherload.

"You're Doctor Montgomery, right? Brilliant mind trained in both medicine and forensics?" Alex asked.

Aria's outgoing personality suddenly shifted drastically. She seemed uncomfortable with the journalist's presence. Emily registered it in her mind. It clearly wasn't a first for Aria to be hounded by the media.

Emily wondered what was in the pathologist's past that made her so leery of reporters.

"Excuse you…we were in the middle of a conversation…" Hanna mean-mugged Alex.

Alex didn't seem intimidated.

"Yes, I can see that." She reached for her notebook.

She was a woman on a mission. She was hunting...searching for answers. She was determined to find the Scarlet Letter Killer before law enforcement. She wanted the glory. She wanted to be immortalized and hailed a hero.

"We should get going." Aria squirmed in the booth next to Emily. She looked like a helpless animal that had been cornered.

Something flared in Spencer's eyes when she saw how uncomfortable her friend looked. It was a fury that Emily recognized.

Unbothered, Alex turned to Spencer.

"Hi, I don't know if you remember me from high school. I'm…"

"Alex Drake." Spencer cut her off. "Yes, I know who you are, Ms. Drake."

She knew her quite well. When they were in high school Alex spent a good amount of her time digging into Spencer's history. She knew Spencer was adopted. She found out one afternoon when she was snooping in personnel files. Fortunately, she never discovered that Mary Drake was her mother.

"You've made quite a nuisance of yourself at my mother's hospital." Spencer went rigid in her seat.

She looked like she could rip Alex's throat out. It was very different posture than Emily was used to seeing in her.

"Come now, Spence, is that any way to treat a former classmate?" Alex lifted her hand and observed her nails.

"I don't recall seeing you in any of my classes." Spencer shrugged coldly.

"Well, of course not. When you have a mommy and daddy rich enough to buy you all the private classes in the world." Alex rolled her eyes. "Too bad it couldn't buy you first place in their hearts. I hear that spot belongs to your sister. Guess blood is thicker than water."

Emily saw red. After everything she'd learned about Alison and Jason and how she'd suffered as a child she was already on edge. But Alex had come right up behind her and pushed her over the cliff.

She wasn't sure if it was the wounded look on Spencer's face or the fact that she knew about Spencer being adopted that set her off.

She sneered angrily at the journalist.

"You want a statement?" Her voice was calm, which intrigued Alex. "I'll give you a statement." Emily curled her fingers into her palms, morphing them into fists on the table. The veins popped in her arms as she clenched her hands. Alex got her pen ready just as Emily growled, "Fuck off before I arrest you."

"Easy, Tiger. I didn't come here to start a fight. I just have some questions…"

"And the answer to every single one of them is fuck off."

"We don't want you here." Aria's quiet voice cut through the air. She glanced at Spencer, then at Alex again. "This is a private party."

"Oh, I see." Back in high school, Alex would have been offended. Now, she was just amused that she could garner reactions out of people. "I suppose we'll talk later, Detective."

"Keep pushing me, Drake. See what happens." Emily warned her.

Alex slowly raised up out of her chair, her eyes locked on Emily's.

"Enjoy your coffee." Alex smiled smugly as she turned and walked away.

"God, I hate her." Hanna rolled her eyes. "You know, Aidan's first word was bitch after he overheard me call her that when I was flipping through the channels one day."

The tension at the table faded and there was a quiet laughter.

Spencer glanced at the detective.

"Thank you for that," she said quietly, clearing her throat.

"Any time." Emily nodded. "If she ever bothers you let me know. She's walking on thin ice at the station. We've got your back."

"I see what Alison sees in you." Aria smiled.

The comment made Emily blush.

They fell back into a natural conversation until Emily had to break the party up to get to work.

She left the girls to continue chatting before ordering them another round of coffee and heading towards the precinct.

By the time she got to the station it was almost 11:30. Normally she was craving a drink by now, but she hadn't felt the urge to drink as much since she'd met the blonde. Alison was her new drug of choice.

When Emily walked into the office Toby had his face buried in his laptop, scowling at something. He glanced up at her.

"Oh, good. There you are. I thought you got swallowed whole by your girlfriend's vagina. Glad to know you found your way out and that you're still alive."

"Hello to you, too, Mr. Sour-puss." She pushed her lips out in a playful pout and squeezed his cheek.

He swatted her hand away.

"Thought you'd be nicer now that you're getting laid on the regular." Toby gave her a hard time.

"How's the celibacy working out for you, Cavanaugh? Your balls still blue?" She fired back.

Toby had been married to his work for as long as she could remember. He had a few relationships over the years, but work kept him busy, so he'd never had anything serious.

Truth be told, Toby cared more about his job and about Emily than he cared about finding a relationship.

He'd never told Emily, but after Maya died, taking care of her was a full time job. On some level, Emily knew that. But neither one of them ever brought it up.

She vaguely recalled someone from the bar once calling him to come pick her up. He'd showed up, but he wasn't in uniform. He had on a dinner jacket and dress pants.

He'd left a date for her. But he never complained once.

Fortunately those days were long over. Emily didn't need a babysitter anymore.

Their relationship was a unique one. He would do anything for her, and she would do anything for him.

She thought about what Alison had said about her brother protecting her. She knew Toby would step in front of a bullet for her without question. They weren't blood, but they were family.

She owed him her life.

o ~ O ~ o

~ Then ~

Emily was nineteen when she showed up on Toby's doorstep and refused to go home.

She was twenty when she nearly died of alcohol poisoning.

Had it not been for Toby she would have been buried right next to Maya.

Something told him to check on her that night. He gathered up his things and walked towards the spare bedroom where she'd been staying.

"Em…" He knocked on the door. "I'm heading to work. Do you need anything before I go?"

He didn't get a response, so he knocked a little louder.

"Hey, Emily? You okay?"

It wasn't abnormal for Emily to put on her noise-cancelling headphones and fall asleep. But something felt strangely eerie about the silence.

He pounded his fist against the door again. His heart was thundering in his chest. He felt the way he'd felt the night he got called to his first homicide.

His gut was telling him something was wrong.

He didn't bother knocking again. He flung the door open and darted into her room.

Emily was in her bed, on her back. She'd thrown up in her sleep and it was dribbling down her jaw and neck, into her pillow. Some of it was still in her mouth.

Her lips were blue.

"Christ, Emily…" He rushed to her bedside.

She reeked of alcohol.

He carefully turned her on to her side and smacked her between her shoulder blades, freeing anything that might be caught in her throat.

Her body was freezing. Her skin was pale.

He pushed his index and middle finger against the fleshy side of her throat, searching for a pulse.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt a faint thumping against his fingertips.

She groaned.

He grabbed his radio and called it in to dispatch.

When they got there he tried to direct the paramedics on what to do. They got annoyed with him and made him stand aside as they got her loaded on to a stretcher.

He paced in the doorway, gnawing at his thumbnail. He rode with her to the hospital, still in his uniform.

He called his boss and told him he wouldn't be in for his shift and waited in the waiting room as they pumped her stomach and gave her fluids to flush her system out.

When she woke up he was at her bedside, chair pulled up next to the head of the bed. He was sitting up straight, hands against his thighs. He had a mixture of emotions on his face. Relief. Anger. Pity.

And determination.

"You're going to Alcoholics Anonymous," he said gruffly, no room for argument. "I don't know if this is still grief or if you're an alcoholic or what, but this has to stop. You need help." Before she could reply he reached for her hand, careful to be mindful of her IV. He had tears in his eyes. "I won't lose you, do you hear me?"

Emily, of all people, understood loss. She saw the tears in his eyes. She'd never seen him cry before.

The last thing she remembered was blacking out on her bed. She imagined he was the one who found her. She couldn't fathom what he must have walked in on. The guilt itself was enough to knock the wind out of her. She knew what it was like to find a loved one dead. She had never been the same after finding Maya and Lyndon. The fact that Toby had almost walked in on her corpse rattled her.

She squeezed his hand and nodded.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was gruff and scratchy from having a tube in her throat earlier. "I'm sorry, Toby. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I'll find you a meeting for when you get out. I'm taking some time off work to help you get back on your feet."

This wasn't him urging her to quit drinking. This wasn't him asking her to hand over her fake ID. This was Toby telling Emily she had a choice, and that choice was life or death.

She chose life.

Being hospitalized had been a huge wake up call for her. She cut her fake ID up, poured every last drop of alcohol she had left down the drain, and started going to meetings.

Once she went to a few meetings the cravings started to dissipate. She still had urges to drink, but she didn't feel like she needed it to survive.

As the years went on the urges got less intense. They only flared up in high emotional situations.

She always called Toby when she felt the cravings.

He always picked up. Regardless of not being related by blood, he was her brother. They had walked through hell together, sometimes one carrying the other. Because they were family.

o ~ O ~ o

Emily watched as her partner scanned through several files. He had been working on the serial rapist case. That's what he'd called her in for.

"Hey…" Emily called for his attention.

"What's up? You having second thoughts about being bait?" He asked, his face shifting from pensive to protective.

"No second thoughts." Emily shook her head. "I just wanted to ask you…"

She paused and thought about the day she'd woken up in the hospital.

The tears in his eyes.

She'd never seen him cry.

"You're looking at me all weird. Are you okay?" He frowned.

"Have I ever said thank you?" Emily leaned forward in her chair.

"What?" He cocked his head in confusion. He put his pen down. "For what?"

"For everything you've done for me. For getting me back in line when I was a trainwreck…"

His eyes softened tremendously.

"You weren't a trainwreck. You were just…"

"Lost." Emily answered for him. "And you pulled me out of the woods. I'm here because of you. I'm alive because of you."

She had met a wonderful woman who made her happy all because Toby cared enough to intervene.

"It's what we do for the people we love." His response was so simple. It was a reminder of why she loved him. He didn't overthink things.

She was lucky to have a surrogate big brother in him.

"Love ya, partner." She smiled.

"Why are you acting like such a girl?" Toby couldn't resist giving her a hard time. "Is the sex with Alison really that good? Putting you all in touch with your emotions and shit?"

Emily whipped her chair over towards him and showed him another kind of love by slugging him in the shoulder.

He pretended it hurt, but it didn't. He rubbed the "bruise he was sure to have" and chuckled.

"I'm glad she makes you happy. You deserve happiness more than anyone I know. But as much as I love talking about how sappy you're being…"

"I am not being sappy!" Emily argued with a laugh.

"We have work to do." Toby finished his statement.

"Alright, alright, point made. So…what have we got? Any new developments on SLK?"

"Got an expert working on profiling the killer to see if maybe we can get a bead on who this person is." Toby's face tightened in concentration.

Over the years several different profilers had tried and failed.

"What have they said about the ritualistic nature of the kills?"

"The killer never does the same thing twice. The cuts aren't always made by the same instruments. They've used a variety of butcher knives, hunting knives, surgery blades. There is no hesitation in the cuts, so that indicates someone comfortable with what they're doing."

No shit.

"But it lacks the finesse of a professional. It's like someone read a book on do it yourself penis amputations. The person has knowledge, but doesn't seem to have training, though the art of their kills has been perfected over the years. It's like we're dealing with someone who doesn't know exactly who they are or what kind of killer they want to be while at the same time having the proficiency and foresight to not only kill, but leave no trace of evidence behind. So someone who might be well-versed in forensics as well."

The confusion was exactly what Alison had been going for.

Emily closed her eyes and took a breath, trying to put herself in the shoes of the killer. She thought of the most recent kill.

You wanted a public spectacle, but not to show off. What are you trying to tell us? Talk to me.

The detail that stood out the most to Emily the morning she got the call about Jackie was the display of her body. Unlike most of the other kills, Jackie had been in her clothes, similar to the way Sydney had been in her swimsuit.

Not about indecency. About something else.

The sun had expedited the decay. The muggy morning air combined with the sweat and body heat of the officers and CSIs on scene made for a very uncomfortable day for everyone.

The putrid stench of her decomposing flesh was overwhelming. In addition to the woman's body excrements emptying, she'd been exposed to the elements all night. Bugs had already swarmed her. Beetles were crawling out of her mouth and nasal cavity. Flies smelled the death on her and had come in swarms.

Toby had greeted her and given her the rundown, all the while Emily was taking stock of the scene. While the CSIs detailed every inch of the area and the forensic experts analyzed how she'd been killed, Emily was busy reading the scene from the killer's perspective.

The car hadn't been parked where it was found. It had rolled down from a tree-covered hill. Someone had rigged ropes to release it on to the road.

The front of the victim's car was covered with blood. It was dented from crushing her bones against the garage wall.

The meticulous way her body had been fastened to the hood of her SUV took time and skill, especially given that the car had cruised down a hill without the body sliding off.

Emily re-read her notes from that day.

There was meaning to it. What's that meaning?

Something was bothering her about Jackie's case, but she couldn't figure out what it was.

She tapped her pen against her desk, annoying her partner.

"Where are we on the rapist case?" She switched gears.

Wouldn't it be nice if the Scarlet Letter Killer did our work for us?

The second she had the thought she felt bile creeping up her throat.

There is a right and wrong way for justice to be served. She reminded herself.

"I'm working on finalizing the set up for Tim Roland." He clasped his hands together, steepling his fingers and placing them beneath his chin. "Chief Furey agrees with your point about him seeing you during the press conferences. Furey seems to think that gives us more to work with. If Roland did see you he knows that you're hyper-focused on the SLK case. He'll feel more in control." Toby curled his lip up. The man disgusted him. "It might make you more attractive prey to him. He likes the thrill of it, and the higher the stakes the more likelihood he'll be interested in you."

"What an animal." Emily stared at his file.

"That's an insult to animals." Toby unclasped his hands and laid them down on the folder. "You know how the tail we put on him said that he likes to spend a lot of time at the park?"

"Yeah." Emily reached for an apple she had sitting on her desk.

She hadn't even realized that she hadn't eaten since lunch. She'd skipped dinner, thinking that she'd just eat with Alison. But they never went into the kitchen. They hadn't left the bedroom.

She bit into the apple, waiting on Toby to answer.

"Bring your exercise gear in the morning. We're doing a test run tomorrow. But before that we need to go over a few ground rules the tactical team set for us."

He opened a folder and slid a stapled document over to Emily.

When an officer went undercover there was a lot involved. Emily knew she needed to read through it and pay attention to Toby, but as he started to go over it all she could think about was Alison.

The blonde had weaseled her way into her every thought. Emily was blind to everything else around her.

All she could see was Alison.

Alison tenderly touching her cheek.

Alison in the on call room shuddering beneath her touch.

Alison bouncing on top of her, glorious perfection.

Alison whispering her name as she let herself let go.

"Hey." Toby snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Stop having sex fantasies and pay attention." Emily grinned at him, not even pretending to deny it. "This is important. You're putting yourself out there, Fields."

"I get it. You're worried. But I know all of this. I promise. I know exactly what I have to do. And I'll read through all of this before bed and when I get up in the morning."

Toby muttered something under his breath. He was always muttering and mumbling. He was such a boy.

"What time are we starting Operation Nab the Rapist by the Nards? I promised Alison lunch tomorrow." Emily glanced at her calendar.

Toby let out a loud belly laugh.

"Dude, DiLaurentis has you so whipped. A hundred bucks says you two elope in six months." He leaned back in his chair and put his arms behind his head.

He would have won a lot of money had she taken that bet.

"Fields. Cavanaugh. I didn't realize you were still here."

At the sound of his voice, Toby leaned forward and lowered his arms from behind his head. Emily looked over and saw their Chief, Marco Furey standing in the doorway.

"Just tying up some loose ends, Chief." Emily pointed to the paperwork on her desk.

"The rapist case?" He asked.

"Yes, sir."

"You're sure you're up for this, Fields?"

"Yes, sir." She repeated.

He looked satisfied with her response.

"I see a lot of your old man in you, you know. When we did our tour together you were all he could talk about."

She smiled warmly at the mention of her father. Marco Furey was part of the reason they had moved to Rosewood.

Emily had been two years old when her dad went into an active combat zone. Marco had been in his squad. Some nights the only way to pass the time was to talk about what they had waiting for them at home.

For Marco it was his mother and his annoying, albeit loving, sisters. He loved his family fiercely, and couldn't wait to get home to enjoy one of his mom's home-cooked meals.

Wayne had gushed about his wife and his baby girl. He'd showed Marco pictures and talked about how Emily's first word had been da-da. He had absolutely melted. He loved her so much.

Several years after that tour Wayne was offered a promotion because of a glowing review that Marco had given him. Marco was a hotshot up-and-coming detective whose opinion came highly regarded.

Wayne got the promotion, and they reunited and Marco got to meet little seven-year-old Emily.

Ironically, one of their first meetings was at a gun range.

Emily had started going to the gun range with her dad when she was four. Shockingly, her overprotective mother was not only fine with it…she encouraged it. She was a military wife and knew her way around a weapon. It was inevitable that everyone in a military family learned the value of a weapon and how to respect it.

Emily stood next to her dad and his fellow soldier. She watched from the sidelines with her protective ear-wear that was too big for her small seven-year-old head.

She was fascinated.

"Can I try, Daddy?"

Her big brown puppy-dog eyes did the trick every time.

Wayne was rushing to get a small caliber pistol and a stool for her to stand on one minute later.

"You going to hunt bad guys with us, kiddo?" Marco chuckled.

An exuberant nod from the young girl earned a smile from her father. Her eyes bestowed excitement, but she kept her composure. She seemed to understand the seriousness of the activity, and she gave it all the proper attention it deserved.

She was a well trained military brat.

She watched as her dad hooked up a human-shaped target, though it had the appearance of a zombie. He attached the sheet of paper to a clip and pressed a button that sent it out along the range until it got smaller and smaller. He didn't push it out too far since she was a beginner.

Her heart thudded in her chest. She shivered when he helped her grasp the gun, a tiny little peashooter of a thing.

"You sure, honey?"

Emily answered with a silent nod.

"Take your time, baby girl. Line up the shot like this." He helped her grip the gun. They lined it up with the target. "Just go nice and slow."

He told her to breathe and to hold herself steady.

The first shot hit the target center mass. The next went into his skull.

At seven years old, she had been a natural. Her father's daughter. She hit over sixty percent of what she was aiming for with them directing her on what to do.

Her marksmanship had helped solidify her a spot in the prestigious police academy years later, which is why she was so highly regarded by Marco Furey.

They had no idea that they'd one day be hunting someone they both cared about…that the little girl that Marco saved would go on to become a serial killer…and Emily's greatest love.

"Did I hear you're dating Alison DiLaurentis?" Marco leaned against her desk, looking at her curiously.

Emily was interested in his reaction. She knew he'd been on scene the day of the murders and that he saved Alison's life. He'd also been the one to interview her.

"Yeah." Emily nodded, her cheeks flushing.

How much had he heard? Did he hear Toby talking about her sex fantasies?

"She doing okay?" he asked.

"Very much so." The blonde was slowly opening up to her.

And the sex was amazing.

"I visited her over the years after what happened to her family. Made sure she was adjusting. She was a sweet kid. A little shy in school. But she was sharp as hell." Hence her graduating early and becoming a doctor. "She seemed to really love her aunt. Heard she passed away a couple of years ago."

"She did." Emily replied solemnly. "Alison speaks very highly of her."

"That girl has been through a lot." He scrutinized her. He knew his best detective had a sordid history of one-night stands. He'd overheard her talking about them with Toby. "You be careful with her heart. You're one of my best, Fields, but if you hurt her…you and I are going to have some choice words."

"It's different with her." Emily didn't just say it. She promised it. "She means something to me. I haven't felt like this since Maya…"

She held her breath the moment it slipped off of her tongue.

I said her name.

At the mention of her old girlfriend the Chief relaxed. He believed her. He knew how much Emily had loved Maya St. Germain.

"Good for you." He tapped his fingers against the edge of the desk. "But don't let it affect that sharp brain of yours. You're needed here." He nodded towards the whiteboard. "Where are we on the SLK case?"

From Alison to the Scarlet Letter Killer. One in the same, but Marco didn't know that.

The Chief towered over his detectives, his shadow like a looming clock.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

Emily knew they needed to piece together the puzzle or someone else was going to die.

"Still working through the profile and trying to connect vics," Emily said.

"Keep up with the morning briefings. I know you're doing your best." He encouraged them. "You're not alone in this. You got a hell of a team behind you. I have every confidence you can do this. But the Feds are breathing down my neck and we need to give them something. Soon."

"Yes, sir." Still the ever-perfect military brat.

"What do we know about the newest vic?" Marco pawed around at the files until he landed on Jackie Molena's name.

He looked up at the board.

"No connection to the others." Emily stared at the board. Yet.

Something isn't right about the scene… Her brain was a hamster on a wheel, continuously spinning.

He wrinkled his brow.

"So young." He clucked his tongue. "Never gets any easier."

He lowered her file and his gaze drifted over to Emily. There was a gentle kindness in his eyes when he looked at her.

"Tomorrow…" He said so much with one word.

It was a caution. It was a command. It was a reminder.

Be careful. Don't let your guard down. This is dangerous.

"I know it's dangerous, Chief." She answered his wordless statement. "But we're doing everything by the book."

"We've got everything set up." Toby piped in. He really was the perfect partner. He grunted and grumbled at her a lot, but he also never left her hanging. They were always on the same wavelength, almost as if they shared one brain. "We'll have teams everywhere."

"This is different than Vice, Fields. This Tim Roland," he glanced at the paperwork on her desk, "If he is who we think he is he's a very dangerous man."

"Dealt with dangerous men in Vice, too."

"Kid, I've known you since you were a toothless little tot. Watched you come on board with this team…fire in your eyes, still wet behind the ears. Eager and hungry for the fight. Just like your daddy."

Emily felt her cheeks get hot. Grief. Pride. All rolled into one package.

"Your life…it matters to me." He rubbed his thick greying hair. "So don't do anything stupid out there tomorrow, okay?"

She saw his expression shift from kind to protective. Paternal. For a brief moment, he wasn't just her boss.

She wondered if her father had asked him to look out for her if anything ever happened to him.

Knowing her dad, he probably did.

"I'll be careful. I promise."

"That's all I ask." He nodded once, back to his professional title as Chief. "You end up in the hospital again and I'll personally handcuff you to desk duty for the rest of your life."

"If ever there was a threat that could get me to obey, that is it." Emily laughed, easing the tension in the room.

"And you…" He jutted his finger towards Toby's chest.

"I know, I know. Watch her back."

"That part is a given." He poked his chest before pulling his finger back. "What I was going to say is don't go all alpha male out there and ruin her cover. I know you, Cavanaugh. I see you get hot under the collar. The don't do anything stupid applies to you, too. You're more likely to screw it up than she is."

Emily lowered her head and let out a chuckle.

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, sir," Toby said flatly.

"I'm out of here. See you in the morning."

"Night Chief." Toby waved as Chief Furey turned on his feet and walked towards the door.

"Hey, Fields?" He stopped at the entrance of their office, putting his palm against the door frame.

"Yeah, Chief?"

"Take care of your heart, too, kid. I know it's still healing." The look of empathy was like a dagger to her heart.

He knew what Maya had meant to her. He knew about how she'd landed in the hospital nearly dead from alcohol poisoning. He'd been the one Toby called to explain why he wouldn't be coming in to work that night. He'd been the one who granted Toby's leave request.

Once Emily got herself back on track and joined the force he'd been the one reluctant to partner Toby and Emily and let her work the Scarlet Letter Killer case. But she'd convinced him in the end.

Because Marco Furey had a soft spot for her the same way he had a soft spot for Alison.

Marco Furey, also like Emily, was blind to what Alison DiLaurentis was capable of. Because affection and love blinded people.

The doctor had every single person in her life fooled. But what had started out as an obsession had turned into something genuine

Their relationship had eclipsed a huge part of Emily's vision. The closer Emily got to the doctor the further it pulled her from the SLK case.

Intimacy was like that.

Instead of looking at Alison as a killer, she was focused on what she'd survived.

Emily pulled Alison's file out of her desk.

She was still reeling from learning about the dark secrets the DiLaurentis family had been keeping. It made her angry. Angry enough that if they were still alive today she'd pull the trigger herself.

Somewhere, deep in the confines of her mind she felt a prickling feeling of familiarity.

"You reading the DiLaurentis file again?" Toby's caterpillar eyebrows danced on his forehead. "Why are you torturing yourself?"

"I'm just trying to make sense of what happened." She had heard Alison's screams at night. She had felt her trembling in fear. She knew she went through hell, but she didn't know why.

She hadn't been able to grasp the full picture until tonight. Terrible things had happened to those children. She had a curiously sick thought that it would have been nice if the Scarlet Letter Killer had come into the picture before Jessica and Ken DiLaurentis had scarred their kids.

If she had known the truth she would have had no choice but to laugh at the irony. The killer had been born that night.

"Pretty cut and dry." Toby peered at the file over her shoulder. "Abusive household. Dad lost it. Typical privileged white male with an arrogant God-complex."

But there was more. And now Emily knew there was more. Alison had never told the police what she'd told her as they held each other in bed, exposing the most vulnerable parts of themselves.

It begged the question:

What were Alison's parents trying to do to their children? What horrors had Alison yet to tell her? And most importantly, how could she help her heal?

Her hands were on Alison's file, her eyes on Jackie's picture on the board.

She blinked, and something clicked.

Earlier she'd wondered whether or not Alison's brother had killed their parents in a fit of rage, and there was something familiar about it. He hadn't, of course. The evidence showed that. But if Jason had killed their parents, would it have been justified?

That's it! Her brain came alive.

The thing that had been bothering her about Jackie's murder finally came to her.

She scrambled for Jackie's file, flipping it open.

Toby stopped reading his notes and focused on Emily. He didn't say anything. He could see that she was in the zone.

You wanted her to suffer.

A pause.

Did she deserve it?

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, grumbling.

"Don't overthink it, Fields." Toby gently put his hand on top of hers. "Focus. What have you got?"

The picture was starting to appear through the haze, but her mind was still piecing things together.

You wanted her found on that road for a purpose.

Just like the videos that had been left at Garrett's crime scene.

She looked up at Toby.

"Why that intersection?" She finally broke her silence.

"What?" Toby was caught off-guard.

"Why did the killer set up Jackie Molena to end up at that intersection? They went to a lot of trouble to hook her car up and leave it just right so it would cruise to that particular place. It must mean something to our perp that it doesn't mean to us. Something they're trying to tell us."

"That's…" Toby cocked his head. He leaned down to look at his notes. "That's a good question."

"If our killer is sticking to their MO, there is some cardinal sin that Jackie committed. A crime." Emily pawed through the photos until she found the one of Jackie splayed out on her car. "Could the killer have taken her back to the scene of a crime? A crime she committed?" She dug through several more photos, pulling out one of Ian. "There seems to be some correlation between the victims and the way they are killed. The men…the amputations…taking power away from people who abuse it." She paused. "Jackie was crushed by a car."

They looked at each other at the same exact moment, in sync, having the same exact thought.

"Run unsolved cases that coincide with that intersection." Emily glanced at his computer. "Drug deals. Motor vehicle crashes. Murders. Hit and runs…"

Toby was already tapping away on his computer, the keys clacking.

His eyes flashed.

"Hit and runs," Toby said, his head snapping up. "You remember that hit and run we had a while back that was never solved?"

There was a chime on Toby's computer and a huge smile spread across his face as he clapped his hands together.

"I'll be damned."

"You got a hit?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, and I'm going to run with it." The second he said it, he realized it was a bad joke. "Sorry. That was really cringeworthy."

"Yes it was." Emily laughed. "So, what have you got?"

"Esther Potter. Unsolved hit and run seven months ago. Her body was found in the exact location where Jackie Molena's body was found."

"Did Montgomery do the autopsy on Esther Potter?" Emily questioned, though she already knew the answer.

"Yeah, nothing came up. A lot of broken bones. Internal bleeding..."

Jackie suffered the same fate. You're killing these people based on the crimes they commit.

Though that still didn't explain Maya or Lyndon. The only explanation she could think of was that the killer's MO had changed over the years. The signature had evolved. Maybe the MO had, too. Perhaps this set of kills was different than the previous set of kills.

"Okay, let's say theoretically Molena was the driver. How did our killer know she was guilty?" Emily smiled. She knew she had something.

Toby grinned at her.

"I'd say that's a lead worth following, wouldn't you?" He asked. He reached across the desk and gave her a swift pat on the back. "Hell of a catch there, Fields. I think sex with the doctor is making you smarter."

"Shut up." But she was grinning back at him.

The mention of her girlfriend had her reaching for her phone. She'd been so focused on working on the case that she'd missed a text from a special someone. Her face flushed and she giggled shyly.

Toby snorted out a laugh. She whipped her middle finger up at him as she read the message from Alison with a grin on her face.

Thank you again for the marvelous dinner, Detective.

Emily could feel heat flushing through her veins as she responded,

Maybe next time we'll branch out and eat actual food. She felt stupid using the winking emoji, like a high school girl. But it's how she felt on the inside.

Three little dots popped up. Alison had clearly been waiting on her response.

Jokes aside, I want you to know how much I care for you, Emily. You have a dangerous job...

If she only knew how dangerous tomorrow would be...

...Just promise me you'll take care of yourself, my dear.

Promise. Wanna know what my motivation is?

Catching the bad guys? Fortunately, the fact that she was texting disguised the anxious expression in Alison's eyes. Had she shared too much?

Making it home to you. You're all I can think about.

Emily's affection for Alison had prompted her to dig into her past. Her idea about justification for murder had led to the break in the SLK case.

While Alison was working to find a balance between her dual lives, Emily was trying to get into the killer's head. She had no idea she'd had a key to that lock for months.

She wasn't just standing inside the killer's mind. She had a permanent invite.

She was living there.

By opening up to Emily, Alison had unintentionally pushed the detective a step in the right direction. The blonde was unofficially on her own case without even realizing it. She was helping her girlfriend hunt her.

Fortunately for the surgeon the detective was so focused on her good qualities she couldn't see the darkness within. Emily truly believed the cover life that Alison had created for herself. The trouble was, her cover life was starting to feel more and more like her real life, or perhaps the life she wanted for herself. Things were muddled. Her urges were still there, but she had a different kind of hunger in the mix now.

The element of love.

---

A/N: Not sure what was most enjoyable to edit. The bedroom scene (be nice!) or Hanna delivering solid one-liners while Emily just got increasingly more embarrassed. Tobily has my heart, too.

Reviews appreciated. They help me keep my negative thoughts at bay.

Got some wild stuff in store. You'll truly never know where this story is taking you.