Trust
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A/N-thank you very much for the reviews on the last chapter.
Chapter Four-Decision Time
The only remaining question was, where did that leave them all now?
Rey pondered this as she worked alongside Chewie, going through the last-minute flight checks as they got ready to leave Ahch-to. The Wookie had remained on the Millennium Falcon when the confrontation between Kylo and Luke took place. He was still feeling emotionally raw and heavily conflicted as he tried to deal with his surrogate nephew's unexpected reappearance. He wasn't ready for all that entailed. He was still grieving for Han.
Rey glanced in the tall Wookie's direction often, wanting to broach the subject of Kylo coming back to the base with them, if he could be persuaded to that is. She still hadn't had a clear conversation with him about his intentions. Everything had moved so fast since he'd first arrived, none of them had managed to draw breath while dealing with the unfolding drama.
But now the worst of the confrontations was over. Luke and Kylo had reached an understanding, it was a tenuous one, but at least they were both willing to listen, to talk, instead of just attacking each other.
Throughout all of this, Rey had barely managed to take into consideration her own feelings about the situation she now found herself in. Like Chewie, she was still grieving for Han. In the short time she had known the former smuggler, she had come to regard him as a replacement father figure for the one she had never known. In his own gruff way, he had shown her kindness, greatly admiring her mechanical skills. He had been so impressed, that on arrival on Takodana, he offered her a position as a new crew member of his ship and gave her an NN-14 blaster pistol as a gift. The blaster was one of Rey's most prized possessions. The memory of when Han had tried to teach her how to shoot it, remained a precious one.
Along with Finn and Chewie, Han had come to rescue Rey and destroy Starkiller base. She had never had anyone looking out for her before, no one who cared if she lived or died. But Han had cared. Chewie had cared. Finn had cared.
The way that Han had died at the hands of his own son would forever haunt her. She remembered the rage she felt at the time, the raw grief and despair. She remembered how those same turbulent emotions had driven her to attack Kylo afterwards, she would have killed him if they hadn't been separated due to the planet collapsing. Then later, during arguments with Kylo through their bond, she recalled her tears as she demanded to know the reason why he decided to kill his father, not understanding why he would murder a parent that clearly loved him.
It was only later, as their Force bonds progressed, that she came to understand the depths of Kylo's misery at what he had done, the inner conflict that raged inside him, threatening to tear him apart. It wasn't lost on her how deeply ironic it was that while mourning for Han, she was still able to empathise with the one who had killed him. The situation was complex and there were no easy answers. Just like grief itself, she decided.
Rey's grief had come in waves, little ones, at first, they had been so strong she felt swept away. They would come at such random moments, replacing a feeling of normalcy with those familiar tears. Yet, in time, those waves had lessened allowing the good memories of Han to flood in instead. It was the stage she was at now, and could only wish the same for Chewie. He had loved Kylo once, obviously still did, but maybe in time he would be able to find it within himself to forgive.
Rey ducked her head and sighed. Time was a luxury they didn't have. A decision needed to be made. And soon. Luke was coming back with them now. Would Kylo? And would Chewie be able to deal with that? So many questions and no answers. If she wanted some, Rey knew the burden was going to fall on her to ask.
On Ahch-to, the suns were setting, bathing the peak of the mountain housing the ancient Jedi temple ruins in luminous orange. Kylo had spent the last hour wandering through the ruins, his curiosity piqued, his fingers itching to take up his old calligraphy set in order to make notes. To his surprise he found himself in front of an uneti tree. The tree must have been massive once, but all that remained of it now was an ancient, mossy husk. In one an opening gaped, carved by weather and time.
Kylo felt something calling to him. He paused, regarding the ancient hollowed out tree thoughtfully. He had reservations about going inside, not trusting what he would find. In the end, curiosity won out over fear, he ducked his head and walked slowly inside. The interior was warm and dry. Light from a crack in the ancient trunk fell on a nook in the wood- one that held a row of ten or so very old books. Kylo gazed at them reverently, slowly reaching out with eager fingers to pick up the first book in the row, but his hand paused in mid-air as he sensed the arrival of another – Kylo spun around quickly to find Rey standing in the entrance.
"I'm surprised to see you in here." She said with a wry smile.
Kylo felt almost hypnotised by her smiling face. He had a strange sensation of wanting to reach out and caress the soft skin of her cheek. He scowled as he suppressed the feeling, causing Rey's smile to fade. Now he had unintentionally upset her. "Skywalker's, I presume." He said curtly, motioning toward the books.
Rey drew past him and reached out her hand to the books, to touch them. "Yes." She murmured. "I found myself drawn here, too, when I first arrived on the island. It was like they were calling to me."
Kylo stared at the back of her head, at the three buns she had weaved into her hair. Some strands of her fine brunette hair had come unravelled, and again he had to fight the urge not to reach out and touch. He swallowed thickly and focused on the ancient tomes instead. The old books began to glow faintly, the air thrumming with hidden energy. He could feel their power.
"These are the original Jedi texts." Rey continued to explain. "According to Luke, anyway." She ran her fingers lightly over them. "The Aionomica, the Rammahgon, a dozen other mystic names I can't decipher – the foundation of the Jedi faith."
"The last of the Jedi religion, just like Skywalker." Kylo said flatly.
Rey looked up from the books, her eyes searching Kylo's face. He was pale and drawn, his dark eyes sombre. "When Luke discovered me in here, the first thing he questioned was my lineage, wondering why Leia could possibly have sent me," – she mimicked Luke's voice- "They sent you? What's so special about you? Jedi lineage? Royalty?"
"That sounds about right." Kylo muttered. "Always obsessed with lineage and legacy."
"I think it disappointed him greatly that I was nothing but a scavenger, an orphan from Jakku." Rey couldn't hide the bitterness creeping into her tone. She imitated Luke's voice again. "An orphan. This is my nightmare. A thousand wannabe younglings showing up on my doorstep, hoping they're the Chosen Whoever's, wanting to know how to lift rocks."
Kylo's dark eyes softened in sympathy with Rey, even as his irritation with his estranged uncle resurfaced. He could imagine Skywalker chipping at her resolve, making her feel like less than nothing. "Don't take his words to heart. He is nothing but a tired old legend, weak, wallowing in self-pity because he failed to live up to his own expectations."
Rey raised her eyes to Kylo's, staring at him pensively. "I want to find my place in this world. I thought he would be the one to teach me. I was wrong. You offered to teach me once…."
Kylo moved closer with those incredible eyes that looked so deeply into her own, as if he could see into her very soul. "You were right to refuse me." He replied huskily. "You will forge your own path, Rey. You are already walking it. You have been your whole life. You are in charge of your own destiny. Be grateful that you don't have to live with the weighty expectations of others resting on your shoulders. I did. And all I did was disappoint."
"Ben…." Rey whispered.
"Don't!" Kylo turned away from her and moved into the shadows so she couldn't see his face.
But Rey wasn't one to give up. She followed him into the dark, she felt she could connect with him better if she could just see into his eyes, his eyes always told her the truth of his feelings. He could never hide then, not from her. Her hand connected with his, and just like that, she pulled him back into the light.
"I have one question."
"Then ask it." Kylo was wary, his face troubled.
Rey regarded him calmly, stepping forward, trapping him against the far wall of the hollowed out uneti tree so there was no escape. He could hear breathing, soft and slow, the pensive look on her lovely face melting into one of determination. "All the pre-flight checks on the Falcon have been done, Chewie and I are ready to leave and return to the Resistance base. Luke has finally decided to join us. What I want to know is…. will you be coming too?"
Chewbacca sat by the fire, the dark shadow of the Millennium Falcon behind him. He stared into the glowing flames, his mind and heart filled with apprehension. Luke was already on board the ship, stowing away his few meagre belongings and catching up again with R2. It should feel like old times, but it was far from it. One important person was missing…. Han.
Chewbacca let out a grief-stricken whine and felt the usual moisture fill his eyes at the renewed feeling of loss. He tried to focus on the positives. They had fulfilled their mission, Luke was coming back with them, Leia would have the symbol of hope she so desperately craved. Chewbacca hoped that she wouldn't be disappointed. Luke was far from the heroic figure he used to be. He wasn't sure the bitter figure he represented now would inspire anyone. The way he had treated Rey when she first arrived was shocking, Chewbacca was still angry about it. He had come to care for her in the same way he cared for Han, for Leia, for….
His train of thought was interrupted by the arrival of a flock of Porgs standing on the edge of the firelight. For some bizarre reason, the annoying birds had become obsessed with him, following him around at a distance. The more he chased them off, the more they seemed intent on attaching themselves to him. They stared at him with their big, glassy eyes, which widened eagerly when he blessed them with his attention.
Something in the way they were looking at him so raptly made Chewbacca think of Ben when he was a youngling. Always a bad sleeper, the Wookie had often acted as babysitter, calming the young toddler, comforting him through his worst nightmares to give an exhausted Han and Leia a break. Chewbacca could almost envision the small boy sobbing into the crook of his neck, soaking his fur with his frightened tears as he tried to soothe him. It was this memory that prompted the damn of his tears to burst. He cried into his furry hands for a long time, mourning the loss not just of Han, but the lost innocence of the little boy he loved like his own son.
By the time Rey emerged from the darkness with Kylo at her side, Chewbacca was over the worst. He had ridden the waves of grief and had finally reached a place of acceptance. Han had paid the ultimate price in trying to bring his son home safe and well, Chewbacca didn't want his sacrifice to be in vain. To honour his friend's memory, he would finish what Han had started.
"You're coming?" He said harshly to Kylo in Shyrriwook.
Kylo paled as he locked eyes with the tall Wookie, making the scar that bisected his cheek stand out more than usual. "I'm…." He whispered, his voice fading out. His throat had gone so tight, he was surely going to choke.
"He's agreed to come with us." Rey spoke up for him instead. "Shall we?" She asked, motioning toward the Falcon.
Chewbacca nodded curtly in response, before swinging around abruptly and dousing the fire, leaving them all in darkness.
A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.