everything I wanted (Billie Eilish)
Tearing Down to Rebuild
THE BEFORE
Santana's POV
Britt's face fell that night when everyone was packed into the two cars, and I stood my ground in the doorway to my parent's house.
"You're really going to stay here?" She asked in the open doorway.
I looked at the waiting cars, full of my three heartbeats, and then looked back into the eyes of the woman that I loved above all others.
"I can't let them run me away, B."
"Then I'm staying. I don't have a good feeling about this, baby, so I can't let you stay here alone."
"No. Go be with the kids."
"They have everything they need. If you aren't leaving, then I'm not leaving. They'll be safe with Quinn. We both know that...no matter what dumb stuff she does, she loves our babies."
"Fine."
Britt went to turn but hesitated, cupping my face in her hands and staring straight into my eyes.
"You need to stay open to me, baby. Through all of this."
"I'm trying, B."
"Don't make any more calls to the mob. Don't make any more moves without me."
"Okay."
"Come say bye to the kids."
We walked away from the house, down to the end of the driveway, me in my socks as I trailed behind my wife.
"I'm sorry that this is what you had to come home to, B."
There was a pang in my chest as I felt an urge to look back.
And that's when I saw it.
The orange flicker.
"No." I whispered and turned back towards the house.
"Baby?" Britt's voice was muffled behind me as I reached the house and, through the open doorway, saw the flames reaching the kitchen ceiling.
"No." I whispered again and took a step inside but was yanked back.
"We need to go." Britt said, sounding so distant.
And then there was an explosion that knocked my body back against hers.
She cradled me as my skin began to burn.
Her lips were moving next to my ear, but all I could hear was the ringing and the sirens.
Then there was another explosion, before my childhood home was engulfed in flames.
How had that happened so fast?
Then there was another explosion that reduced the garage to rubble.
I was being carried farther away.
Screams tore through the air.
My throat hurt.
The air was thick.
Another explosion...then crumbling.
My childhood home.
"No." I whispered. "Please?"
I was being rocked.
More sirens.
Mask over my face.
Air.
I kept waiting for the blackness to come while every memory surfaced.
My parents.
Marco.
My piano.
Puck.
Frankie.
My babies.
And then there were more sirens far away.
Someone murmured something about the apartments.
Then the Bean.
Then the Cage.
Everything I loved.
Crumbling.
Casualties.
I pulled away from the arms that reached for me.
Then for the first time in forever, I began to run.
Run.
I ran in my damp socks.
To the only other home, I knew.
Run, Santana...
Run, Lopez.
My chest hurt.
Sirens.
Smoke.
Ash.
Explosions.
Screaming.
Devastation.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
I stood deep in Lima Heights outside of Abuela's house.
Someone new lived there now.
But I still needed to go there.
They'd painted her house white and planted pretty flowers.
There was a second floor now.
It was the only other place I called home, but now I was truly an orphan.
Truly alone.
My breasts ached.
Gia needed food.
I'd pumped earlier.
Had they grabbed the milk from the fridge?
I felt so small as I walked through the Heights, with no money, wallet, or shoes.
"Anita?" I turned my face towards the motherly voice.
"Bendición, Señora Soto." I said as I stood just outside the gate of the house that built my ex-husband when his parents died.
At least they'd tried, but my father had already begun to corrupt and tarnish what was already out there seeking a naïve mind like a parasite.
How different would Marco have been if his mother's sister had focused on raising him instead of trying to save her own daughter from the grips of Cancer?
"Come inside." She said, with that look in her eyes that every mother has when they see a lost child.
Even from miles away, the explosions were felt.
And the sirens heard.
"Gracias, Titi." I whispered as she sat me down at her dining room table.
Even though her house was cramped, it was immaculate, just like Abuela's had been.
She always said those with nothing are the most generous, and she was right.
Without question, Ari's mother cleaned the blood from my face and gave me a change of clothes.
Ari's clothes.
At any other time, the five inches I had on my oldest friend were never more noticeable than her leggings being highwaters on me, would have made me laugh but I felt hollowed out.
"Do you want me to call someone?"
"No. I...I...have you heard from Ariana?" I asked, and her face got even more concerned.
"Not today."
"Moncho...he's...not good." I said, and she chuckled.
"Mi sobrino hasn't been good since my sister died."
"He's...turned his life, Titi. He is a man of faith. He's been helping to lock up sex traffickers...he's raising a little boy. He's...good now...but he...he's in the hospital."
Her face went pale.
"Verdad?" She asked.
"It's the truth."
She served me a cup of coffee and a plate of crackers with butter before sitting across from me and making a call.
Ari answered, and I watched as Señora Soto's face lit up, even though she'd been estranged from Ari since she came out.
Britt had done right on her promise, and Ari was at Marco's bedside.
He'd been shot in the back. They said he'd nearly died but that he pulled through even though he'd never walk again.
And then he was on the phone, talking to Señora, and she was in tears.
I grabbed a tissue from the center of the table and handed it to her, but instead, she took my hand in hers and didn't let go.
The world shook again.
Another explosion.
More sirens, and then she was pushing the phone into my hands.
And a voice of my teenage nightmares came through.
"I'm sorry, Anita."
"What's happening?"
"Retribution. Our foundation just caught some really massive fish. Are you safe?"
"For now. My father's house...it's gone...we were outside...someone hurt my sister. They want me dead."
"Dr. Cray and Nico, they've teamed up. I...I flipped on everyone; I thought they'd leave you out of it. I thought you were safe there."
"I called Mr. Motta."
"Smart move. I taught you well. Where's Brittany and the kids?" He sounded so concerned. "I made her my emergency, just in case they came for you or me."
"Oh. Smart move." I said back, feeling so dazed. "They're okay. B will make sure of it. I had to run. If they want me, I can't be with my family."
"Call your godfather."
"He's not here."
"Then your guard dog. Look, Anita, I need to know you're okay. Just...call someone who you trust with your life. Try not to use too many names over the phone. Be smart."
"Coach."
"That old crackpot might just be the right person. Call her."
"Don't die. Nikolai needs you."
"No matter..." He began a coughing fit, then cleared his throat. "No matter what happens to me, I know he'll be okay. He has you."
"Don't talk like that. Don't be an idiot."
"Too late, now put Titi back on."
I handed the phone back and then tried to stand up, but the running had made my legs like jelly.
The distance from home to Abuela's was at least 10 miles.
Then from Abuela's to Ari's was another three miles.
I'd run it with everything I had in me.
Only I had just had a baby a few months before.
My body, my endurance, was not the same.
I could feel the exhaustion gripping me tight.
"Titi, can you call someone for me...I feel tired. Can I just rest?"
She took me to Ari's old room, and there on the nightstand after all these years was me at my piano while she was in perfect pointe.
I looked so focused, my brows all scrunched, that Uncle Jesse mullet still growing out.
We were at my house.
Back before anyone knew how I felt about her.
It'd been the day that I introduced Quinn to Ari, and I knew that Q had taken the picture.
And behind the camera, I could imagine her grin.
Things were already so hard.
So simple but hard.
Señora Soto pulled back the blankets and then waited for me to climb in before tucking me in like a child.
Then she sat on the bed and brushed my wild hair from my face.
"I'm sorry for not protecting you from him." She said. "You became my family, and I knew that you were suffering. I am so sorry, Anita."
"I don't blame you."
"Well I blame myself. His mother, Sofia, she would have loved you. Your eyes remind me of hers."
"Moncho always said that." I said, and for not the first time in a while, I felt a sense of nostalgia for the tiny, good parts of my ex-husband.
They were there.
Just buried under all the bullshit.
"I am also sorry that we stood in the way of your love for Ariana. She was always close to dying, and we just wanted to protect her. You were a wild one."
"I know. I didn't know any different."
"That's no excuse. I should have been better to you both, but God has provided me a chance to protect you now. You rest, and I will call Brittany."
"Thank you."
"She saved my daughter's life...she is as much my daughter as Ariana, I hear."
"Yes, she did."
"Sleep. Let me take care of the rest."
"Gracias."
"Que Dios te bendiga, Santana, God brought you here to give you a mother just when you needed one. I don't take that lightly. You have me now."
I broke then against Ari's pillow as I let every bit of hurt come.
Tears for my parents.
My lost little Angel.
For my Abuela.
My home.
For Marco.
And Ian.
My sister.
And nephews.
Courtney.
Sugar.
Finn.
Every single hurt.
Every single loss.
Every single moment of loneliness and terror.
All of it.
Brittany's POV
I'd turned for a split second to calm our screaming baby and find a place we could go, when she pulled away and began to run.
There was no stopping her, I had to trust that she'd be okay.
Every safe place was crumbling to the ground us.
Someone had bombed the apartments.
People were caught in the rubble.
It was late, so thankfully, the Bean was closed when it exploded, but the Rage Cage had people.
Azimio and Mercedes were there when it went up in flames.
Everyone got out, but the place was a shell.
The rest of the businesses were burned or blown out.
They were attacking every single place that belonged to Ana.
So, the thought to go to St. Mary's was out.
Instead, we sat in the cars outside the police station while I waited to hear from my wife.
Her phone had been in the house, everything she had was still there...except her wallet that she'd left in the car.
There was no way to contact her but she needed to run, I understood that, I just hoped that wherever she ended up, she was safe.
And protected.
While I sat, worrying about her, Quinn and Celia made calls to our family.
I had our apartment building evacuated.
And told my parents to leave the Scarsdale house.
Every single Bean was closed.
All the properties were emptied, and I charged up Ana's account to find temporary housing for the hundreds of people who needed a place to stay.
We needed to limit the death.
The hurt.
I knew my wife. She'd carry every injury and death on her shoulders.
She'd spiral, and I couldn't let her lose herself.
I'd been calling Walker for over an hour but couldn't get through, which was terrifying me.
Ana couldn't lose her.
There was just no way that she could take that on top of everything.
I had felt something coming.
We were going to go back in that house, but I had to tell her to say bye to the kids.
It was like someone had whispered in my ear, and I listened.
Thank God I listened.
Ana always talked about my crazy good timing and it had saved her life.
Hopefully.
The sirens started to dwindle, but then, just after midnight, when the kids were curled up in the backseat, the ground shook.
And then I heard Quinn.
"Holy shit!"
I turned to where she was looking, and orange flames went high into the sky, and the sirens went big again.
"Is that..." I asked.
"McKinley." Quinn whispered.
"Is no place safe?"
The answer came moments later when the explosions started in Lima Heights.
And then my phone buzzed.
An unknown number.
"Hello?"
The sirens coming through the phone were louder than at the police station.
"Brittany? This is Valerie Soto. I'm Ariana's mother. Your wife asked me to call you."
"Is she with you?"
"Yes, my son is getting the car ready. We are going take her somewhere safe."
"Thank you." I felt so relieved. "Please be careful. Take your important stuff with you. If there's any link between Marco and Ana to you, this might be the last night in your home."
"I know. I've prepared. Moncho told me what to do. You should get out of town too."
"Thank you...we will."
"I'll be in touch. She's safe. She's sober and unharmed."
"Thank God."
I didn't realize I had been waiting to hear good news until I hung up the phone and began to sob into my hands.
Quinn wrapped her arms around me as we watched our childhood home become ash.
"It's her birthday." Q said.
I looked at my phone and then felt hatred for whoever was doing this.
Her birthday was cursed.
And if we made it through this, I would make sure that she never had to face a birthday filled with pain again.
Cars began to pull into the police station, and panicked people began to swarm.
"We should go." Celia said, "I finally talked to Walker; we have a secure place. It's been checked and is guarded."
"I'll drive, B; you just sit and take deep breaths. We'll get through this."
"Okay." I was dazed but I complied.
The truth was that I wouldn't get through this until I knew that all the big bad people weren't a threat anymore.
Santana's POV
I surrendered control to Señora Soto when I let her mother me.
She let me sleep while she made arrangements and emptied her house of valuables.
Then she woke me up, stuck some shoes on my feet, and herded me into a waiting church van.
I could smell smoke and hear chaos as we rode away from the Heights and deeper into Ohio, headed for the county line.
An explosion shook the highway, and when I looked back, Lima Heights was in flames.
Papi had once said to me after I had run his brand-new car into the courthouse while driving drunk that my bad deeds would destroy everything around me.
I had waved him off, but right then, on the early morning of my 25th birthday, I saw his words come to fruition.
It was hard to tell in the dark of night, which things were remnants of Marco's past, and which were mine.
There were conflicting stories, and my boobs hurt.
All I wanted was my wife and my babies.
I thought then of Isaac and how loud noises made him cry and how my baby girl wasn't even a full three months yet but was already being affected by my past mistakes.
"Where are we going?" I asked after we'd been driving for a while.
"Moncho made arrangements for you, and I'll be going to stay with my other son."
"Marco did that from his hospital bed?" I was in disbelief that even after everything, the good, the bad, and the disgusting, that Marco was coming through.
He was like a cockroach, always surviving amid Armageddon, and it seemed he was sharing that ability with me.
And hopefully with my family.
"Yes, he still has FBI connections." Carlos said from the front seat.
Ari's older brother smiled at me, and I tried to smile, but it felt impossible.
We drove south, and I tried to hang in, but my eyelids were heavy.
"Sleep, Mi'ja, let us take care of the rest."
I closed my eyes as Carlos turned up the music.
"You still like Gloria Estefan?" He asked, and all I could do was smile because, in my mind, my mother and Gloria had fused into one person.
It was like Mami was there with me, shielding and guiding the car.
After we got far enough from the explosions, I finally passed out, finally feeling like I could breathe a little.
The floating blackness that used to consume me when I was in a coma or finally blissed out after a coke binge showed up once more to take me under while the stress of the last few days continued to swirl in my mind.
My fault.
Had anyone died?
Did I lose more than I knew?
Were my kids okay?
It all was on the surface as I floated there, staring up at the sky, waiting for death to come.
I was sore as I shifted in bed, and then I realized that I was in a bed.
And someone was with me.
I was startled awake and felt the comfort of two arms around me.
When I turned my face, I saw a wrinkled expression of worry on B's sweet face.
She was still asleep, her mouth hanging open a bit while she drooled against my shoulder.
The room looked like a prison cell with white cinderblock walls and a cement ceiling.
I heard my baby girl whimper, a warning, and turned to look towards the sound.
Gia was laying in one of those hospital-issue plexiglass cribs, and my Monsters were curled around each other on a bed under a window.
We were together.
They were safe.
I started shaking as sobs wracked my body, and Britt held me tighter.
"Shh, shh, it's okay, baby. It's okay. We're safe."
The baby began to wail, and I could feel it in my chest. It'd been nearly a full 24 hours since I had nursed her, and my boobs were beginning to leak.
"Can I have her?" I said, and Britt paused looked in my eyes, searching for evidence that I had slipped.
"You're clean." She said as if she was in awe.
"I am."
"I'm so proud of you."
"I'm proud of myself too."
She kissed my face a few times before fluffing up all the pillows behind me in the tiny twin bed.
I watched her walk over to the crib.
"She's wet. I'll change her first, okay."
"Just give her here, B...I don't think my boobs can wait."
She kissed Gia and danced her over to me.
Gia's whole face was pinched as she looked up at me with gray eyes and dark blonde curls.
I put my nipple in her mouth, and she grunted contentedly.
Britt draped a blanket over us and then sat facing me with her hand rubbing my thigh.
"It's your birthday."
"Don't remind me." I muttered.
"I know we aren't anywhere close to home, but I'd like to celebrate if you are up for it. It will give the kids a distraction." She glanced over at them and then looked back at me. "They slept through a lot of it. Thank God for those noise-canceling headphones that Mom got them."
"So, Isaac didn't...you know...freak?"
"Nope. He asked for you, and I told him that when he woke up, he'd see you. I am so glad that it wasn't a lie."
"Me too." I looked around the room again and noticed two doors. "Where are we?"
"Kentucky. Somewhere near Fort Knox."
"Holy shit. How?"
"Your uncle, actually. I didn't know he was a retired Vet. Marco made calls, and when he couldn't get me, he started calling the people he knew...he ended up getting my dad, who called Walker."
"Oh God, how is she?"
"She's...in the hospital. Nothing serious, just a precaution." Then Britt cringed. "Well, she's not in Lima; that hospital is half gone now. I got our properties evacuated, put people up in hotels, and we closed down the businesses that are still standing."
I began crying and shook my head.
"No more, B. I can't...just tell me something else. Anything else...something good."
She bit her lip, searching for some bit of happiness in all of this, but I could see that it was impossible.
"I'm sorry, Baby, I wish I could give you something, but it's been hard. Walker arranged for us to get out safely, then we met up with your uncle...he didn't know about your mom...he...it was a long night."
"Yeah, it was."
"But you're sober, we're safe, and all together."
"Quinn?"
"She and Celia are in the next room with Quincy."
"Thank God...see something good."
"Mami?" I looked over into two sets of eyes, and my heart melted.
"My monsters. How'd you sleep?"
"Are you okay?" Daniela asked.
"Yes, Beba, I'm okay. Are you?"
"My heart is sad." She said, and then she slid from the bed, only to climb into mine. Isaac was right behind her.
We cuddled there for a long time, just being without words.
Because really, there weren't any.
I could have died the night before had Britt not questioned me or made me come out to see the kids off...but her timing came through once again.
It felt so unreal.
So wrong.
And for what?
THE DURING
JULY
Brittany's POV
Instead of putting us in witness protection, the FBI decided that we were safe enough just outside the securest military base in the country.
But that meant the five of us were confined to a room for most of the time.
The other room was actually the guard's quarters, so there was no space to spread out.
One week in, and Izzy stopped sleeping in the bed with Dani; instead, he begged us for a fort.
And Ana's uncle delivered or had it delivered.
In Izzy's case, he got a partition and a cot.
Tío Gene was upset about his sister's death, and he was angry with Ana for not telling him, so we made requests through our assigned officer, and he talked to Ana's uncle for is.
Apparently, after Gladys moved to New York, Tío Gene went into private security, and he was a big deal now.
We were staying in an old bunker, which is why it looked like a prison.
It had two rooms in total, and since Celia refused to stay, she got her family on a plane and flew to New Haven just two days after we got there.
Then in the second week, Dani asked for her own partition, and she got it, which left me, and Ana shoved in the very corner with a crib and a dresser.
The only thing that Ana asked for was books and a phone.
But Tío Gene only sent books.
Cutting us off from the outside world meant no phones or internet.
We didn't know what happened to Lima...or what was happening in New York for the first two and a half weeks until finally, at dawn, Ana got out of bed, yanked the door opened, and demanded to see her uncle.
And it seemed that was exactly what he was waiting for.
They promised that we'd see him after sunrise, and Ana agreed, but she didn't come back to bed.
She kept the overhead light on and paced from one end of the bunker to the other.
Izzy pulled the covers over his face, and Dani used her headphones to drown out the sound of Ana's sneakers on the linoleum.
"You should sleep." I said to her, and she looked me in the eyes but didn't speak. Instead, she pulled up her sleeves, and long scratches were etched there.
I held her arms in my hands, and tried not to cry.
When she'd asked for my hoodie a few days before, I didn't realize that it was to hide what she'd been doing; I just thought she was cold.
"I need out, B. I can't stay in here any longer. The world is moving, and I need to know what's going on. These kids have school in one month, and we never figured out where we would live. Is Lima still on the table? Is New York safe? We can't go on like this."
"Okay...okay...just please don't do this anymore." I said as I held her arms in my hands and kissed the angry gashes, thinking of how I used to do the same thing against my rib cage. The rage just needed a place to escape from.
I understood why she'd done it, but I didn't like it.
"I'm sorry...I...just need something, B. I need to know."
"Okay, we will demand answers, but I think right now, you need to lay here with me, and we can talk about what comes next."
"Yeah?"
"Yes, baby, we can go over all of our options."
"Thank you."
"No more of this. Promise me." She nodded and then collapsed next to me, burying her face against my shoulder as she sighed.
"I promise. I just got frustrated last night, and when I saw them this morning, I couldn't...I can't go down that path again. I can't leave here and throw away our lives even more. We should leave here stronger, united, you know?"
"And we will."
She held up her pinky, and I held up mine.
And just for a moment, we were those two naïve teenage girls.
Things were so fucking simple then.
We needed that back.
Santana's POV
I couldn't be still, no matter how much Britt tried, all I wanted was some motherfucking answers, and Tío Gene was being petty.
But true to his guard's word, at just after sunrise, when they delivered the breakfast knock, it was Tío Gene pushing the cart, his face being too close to Mami's for me to be able to look too long.
"Bendición, Tío."
"I'll reserve my blessings until we talk, Anita."
"Is it safe for my children to go outside?" I asked, ignoring his barb.
"Yes. It's a beautiful day out."
"Is there a playground we can go to?"
And it was then that he seemed to really understand that I was in an 8X10 room with actual children.
He smiled at Isaac, who was adjusting his glasses, and Daniela, who was still asleep, then he peeked in the crib at my sleeping baby.
"You have a real family, Santana...in all my years, I have never been prouder." Then he smiled at my wife. "Hi Brittany, it's so good to see you."
"It's good to see you too."
Then he was looking at me again.
"You look like your father."
"I know that. Tío, please, can we go outside?"
"Fine, there's a playground about a mile from here. As you can imagine, it's not my normal hangout, but it is within the base, so it's safe."
I didn't even have to ask B. She pulled out clothes for the kids and pulled their partitions closed to get them ready to leave that fucking room for the first time in three weeks.
"Thank you."
We took our breakfast to go as we climbed into Tío's SUV.
The kids stared out the windows like they'd never seen sunshine, and it made my heartache for them.
And Britt was right there with them, excitedly pointing at clouds and shit while I sat up front with my mother's baby brother.
"How much longer?" I asked him as we pulled away from the bunker.
"A few days, they've rounded up everyone involved, indictments have been issued. Multiple local, state and federal governments are working together. Your ex was a significant help. I kept you a little longer than necessary, but that's because I needed to ensure that you'd be safe."
"Good. Thank you. Were there any casualties?" I asked, and he looked straight ahead, his expression grim as he nodded, with no other words...at least not yet.
We parked at the playground, and my screen-loving kids jumped out of the car and made a dash for the jungle gym.
Britt looked torn, and I didn't blame her. She wanted to know everything, but she wanted to play with the kids.
"Go play, B. I'll update you." She nodded and left me alone with my uncle as she made a mad dash after the kids.
Gia slept against my chest in the carrier with the warm breeze blowing across her face.
She seemed so content, and I was happy that my rage had given her some peace.
And had given my monsters and B some laughter.
I hadn't heard their joy in weeks, but now the sound of their laughter reverberated around the park.
"127 deaths, three of your tenants didn't make it, and the rest were casualties in the Heights and at the school."
"School? Tío, you have to talk to me like I'm an idiot. I just know bits and pieces."
"They wiped your business off the map, Mi'ja. The apartments, your parent's house, the strip mall, and for some reason, the high school."
"McKinley is gone?"
"It's a crater...the vibration brought down half a block, including half the hospital. The majority of the casualties were there. "
"127. That's so...fucked up. I couldn't have been worth all of this. Do you know what the price on my head was and who put the hit on me?"
"Dr. Cray. His vendetta against you and your father hasn't lessened now that he's serving 3 life sentences. I'm told the price was 500k alive and 1 million dead. Obviously, the perpetrators wanted the full payment."
"It wasn't just one person?"
"Two. The person who set off the bombs was a different person than the one who broke in and set fire to your house."
"I don't understand."
"There was a bomb in your house waiting to be detonated. We aren't sure how long it was there. The person who threw Molotov cocktails through the kitchen window created enough heat to activate the bombs in your house. There was one in your treehouse and one in your father's study from the blast locations. It looks like the treehouse is the one that went off, and the detonation then set off timed bombs all over the city."
"Shit. I...I've been out of the game for so long, why would they take down the whole town just for me?"
"I don't even know the full scope of this, Anita. The mob was involved; Lima has been a sleeper drug town for decades. According to Hector Rivera, your father used his connections with Dr. Cray to feed the drug trade in Ohio."
"Shit...are we sure that's true?"
"Marco confirmed it. That's how he got wrapped up. Someone particularly important was trying to wipe you and every bit of your father's legacy off the map."
"But they only came for me?"
"Sandra is a veteran. She's a bomb expert. Celia and Damariz had little association with your father, so they went after you. You're the richest of your siblings, and you have a history of drug interaction and prostitution. While you've been in that bunker, your assets were frozen while they investigated your businesses for insurance fraud and money laundering."
"I'm clean, Tío. You believe me, right?"
"The only reason they let me keep you here was that you are on government property, and if you were found to have committed a crime, it would be easier to transfer you to custody."
"But I'm clean."
"You're cleared. I made sure of that..., and so did your business partners; they have been internally auditing since your company's inception. Sal has been doing the same, apparently at your request."
"More because I need accountability; I'm an addict. I need to know that my money is tied up. I don't want the temptation."
"Smart, you get that from our side of the family."
We walked the trail that circled the playground, and I caught a glimpse of Isaac laughing; it brought me so much joy.
Britt was showing them how to do cartwheels, and Daniela was failing miserably, but Isaac was attempting to do them one-handed.
Genetics are no joke.
I sighed when I thought about how much my kids' lives were about to change. They had been through way too much, and I knew that I needed to do my best to give them normalcy.
They needed a normal life, and it was my job to give that to them.
"I don't understand how this got so big, so fast."
"It wasn't fast, it was in the works for far longer than anyone realized, but when Marco decided to pull the trigger before alerting the authorities, all we could do was react. It's a miracle that you got out of that house before all hell broke loose. This became bigger than you when they decided to destroy that school and the Heights. It seemed that they were going for anything tied to you, Marco, or your father. Anything that you would cherish if it was gone."
"Well, it was a waste for them to go after the school. There's no love lost with that place."
"There's nothing in that town for you to go back to anyway."
"As long as my family is buried there, I will have a tie to Lima. It's my home. It was Mami's home...how could I leave that forever?"
"You need to move on. There's nothing left. Take your memories and start fresh somewhere new. Treat this as a clean slate, fewer tethers for you to deal with."
"So, what then? Where will I go?"
"I heard that you applied to college last month in New York."
"I did...but I didn't hear back yet."
"You got in. Congratulations. Although we have everyone coming after you, I'd still like to keep you out of the spotlight. Gladys was always good at protecting you, and now that she's gone..." He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, "Now that she's gone, it's my job to step up. I have been looking for homes for you in Poughkeepsie. You can start fresh there, attend Vassar...start a new life."
"When?"
"I am thinking that I'll be able to get you set up in a new home by Monday."
"And what day is it now?"
"Wednesday."
"Okay...and we'll be safe there?"
"It's a quiet community, and your sister Sandra has already moved in. She'll be there to look out for you and be your support."
"Wait...so because of this, the whole family is moved?"
"Permanently. We found one bomb in New York, in TriBeCa. It was smart of Brittany to clear the building as soon as she could. We were able to get in there and get it disarmed before anyone was injured."
"Gracias a Dios." I mumbled.
"Your father's demons have followed you, but I'm hoping that we can begin to get your life turned away from all of the evil. Marco should have warned you before he made his move. He's paying for that now, believe me. You won't be seeing him for a long time." My uncle growled.
"He's paralyzed, isn't that enough?"
"No. He cannot bring down an entire trafficking ring he helped build and not get caught in the crossfire. If I had known what he had you wrapped up in, I would have killed him. I don't care that you've forgiven him and proceeded to have two children from his bloodline. He still whored you out to dozens of men and women. Aden knew this and didn't punish that boy, which makes my fucking blood boil. Marco needs to pay for his crimes."
"How?"
"Just know that he is being given leniency for his part in bringing this trafficking ring down. 782 women and children were brought home. That and him making sure you were safe getting out of Lima are his saving grace, but he's still the man that continued something and involved you in it for a time, so he is now going to be contracting until every single girl that he helped traffic is brought home."
"How many is that?"
"88 remain missing."
"Wow. That's...shit...the first time someone...is...wow. Thank you, Tío."
"He went willingly and says that he'll do it for however long we need him. I will make sure he lives up to his promises. You never need to worry about him going rogue."
"What about Nikolai?"
"His great uncle has stepped forward as next of kin."
"Mr. Motta?"
"Yes. Things are quiet, but I still believe we should proceed with caution. Everything planned out down to the letter."
"But we're safe to start over...and live again?"
"You are. I am sorry I kept you here so long, it's part punishment for you not telling me about your mother...and part caution because I wanted to make sure that you could return to a normal life indefinitely." I laughed and he shrugged. "As normal as can be."
"What about my music?"
"I'm not going to tell you not to go become a celebrity, but I will ask that you not draw a giant target on your back directly after a tragedy like this one. I'd lay low if I were you."
"How can I help fix Lima? What can I do to make things a little better?"
"Your foundation, led by Celia has been taking care of the families and those affected by this insanity. You have set up your business with good people, it's time to fully step back and focus on your family and your education. Take a break from the public eye. Trust me."
"Okay. I hate that it's come to this, but I think that you're right, Tío. It's time that I take a chill pill."
"Good."
"And I'm sorry about Mami. She asked me to not say anything. She said that when people look for her, then they'll find out. Unbelievably, it's been over a year and you're the first family member to find out."
He stopped walking and looked at me with wide eyes. "She...made you promise that?"
"Yes."
"Knowing your history with addiction, she put that weight on your shoulders. That's cruel."
"Feel free to tell who you want, I don't want to carry any extra burdens."
"I don't blame you, Mi'ja. We are petty people, our whole side of the family is. Hopefully, you can be better than any of us, and lead with love."
"That's my hope. I've let myself become softer, I couldn't carry the hate anymore. It was exhausting."
"I'm sorry I left you in that room for so long, I think I didn't realize how big the kids are. They were probably driving you two crazy."
"Well Isaac has been without his meds, they were in the house. He's been managing but I can tell that he can't survive this much longer. I think the fact that me and Brittany are just steps away has kept him level."
"He's the one that's like my brother Santo, right...special?"
"Don't say it like that, Asperger's is what he has. He's highly intelligent, and sensitive...he reminds me of you actually. Sweet under all the tough exterior."
"I didn't mean it in a bad way, your generation is so touchy."
"And yet I still said bendición when I saw you, even though you were being petty." I huffed and he grinned, with a little shrug.
"Fine, que Dios te bendiga." He finally said, and then he stopped our walk around the park, took my hand and kissed it. "They don't need me here in person, how would feel if I came to stay close by in Poughkeepsie?"
"I'd actually love that."
"Consider it done."
"Thanks, Tío."