Chapter Twenty-Eight
Though Tom wanted to attempt the second stage of the ritual with Ginny before returning to Hogwarts, the red-head kept putting it off, distracting him with new and interesting books she had Kreacher bring him. Tom allowed it, since he didn't feel as though he was becoming unstable just yet, even if her procrastination worried him.
Lying in bed at night, unable to sleep, Tom thought back to those days between Ginny's disappearance from Hogwarts and the end of term. He had to acknowledge that that was as close as he'd been to the original Tom Riddle in months. The very wording of his thought drove home a conclusion he'd been edging around for those same several months: he wasn't Tom Riddle anymore.
Oh, that was certainly still the name he thought of himself by, but when he compared himself now to himself before, they seemed like different people. Lately, he'd become emotional. He had friends rather than merely allies. He cared about what happened to the members of his study club and anyone else that belonged to him.
Then, without Ginny, that had all fallen to the wayside. He'd become detached from the world and the people in it again, leaving only enough room for Hermione and Luna. He'd seen the fear in his dormmates' eyes before Hermione came to help him calm down, but it hadn't bothered him at all. Thinking about that made him remember that he'd also reverted to his past self when Ginny was in the Hospital Wing, going to the Slytherin dorms and torturing Malfoy without a second thought.
It led to a sobering realization. The Tom Riddle he was now only existed because of Ginny. It was confusing, because he felt equally certain that Ginny would cheerfully murder someone if he wanted her to. Even so, he knew the moment the thought crossed his mind that it was true: his current self required Ginny Weasley to exist. If she left, he would drag Severus and Hermione under and become something else. Perhaps not quite Voldemort, but something similar. Because, he thought, Hermione was too much like him. He'd mostly left her alone so far at Ginny's request, but he still believed it would be easy to corrupt her. Tom sighed and looked down at the girl sleeping halfway on him, sprawled out in a way that couldn't possibly be comfortable. Her breath was warm against his skin, and he pet her hair gently, smiling.
On the other side of the bed lay Hermione. The muggleborn witch was much less clingy in her sleep, which suited him just fine. It matched the difference in their relationship. Tom reached out to tuck a strand of impossibly wild hair behind the girl's ear and chuckled when it immediately sprang back out.
Another thought crossed his mind that made him freeze for a moment before shaking it from his head. It was late, he decided, and fell asleep soon after.
Mrs. Weasley hadn't improved by the time they left for Hogwarts, and Tom could literally feel the frustrated worry her state caused her children. Hermione informed with no small degree of irritation that he was shunting off the brunt of the feelings from Ginny over to her somehow, which was a new aspect of the bond she didn't appreciate. This made for a rather poor mood in their train compartment when Luna and Neville showed up.
Neville, upon seeing their faces, tried to turn back around and would have left had Luna not been behind him. She pushed him inside and then sat down on Tom's lap. Tom started, but felt the instant change in mood around him and relaxed again, resting his chin on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist. She was so light that, rather than being uncomfortable, it felt like she might get hurt if he wasn't careful.
"I brought the books you requested," Luna told him airily. "I'd like it if you finished completing the second stage of the bonds. I've never had a first kiss before, and I think having a ritual dictating my actions would help me feel much less self-conscious."
It took Tom a minute to realize the topics had nothing to do with each other, because he initially got caught on the notion that Luna ever felt self-conscious about anything. He glanced at Ginny. "We'll do what we can," he told the blonde and took an offered book. It appeared to be a family grimoire, its pages thin and brittle and held together by little more than magic. Carefully, he opened it to where Luna had helpfully placed a bookmark.
"A ritual to summon a deity?" he murmured, reading the description greedily.
"A what?" yelped Neville, and it suddenly occurred to Tom that the boy was the only one in the compartment who didn't know about him.
"A deity," Luna chirped. "Not-Harry Potter needs to ask for a proper means of immortality, and who better to ask than a deity? The ritual takes into account your request and summons the appropriate deity, it says, but it's rather vague on how it does that. I rather think it might be a matter of magic and divinity all being one and the same even while separate, much like you and You-Know-Who."
Tom squeezed his eyes shut while Hermione and Ginny hung their heads in exasperation. Neville, who'd started looking confused at the name 'not-Harry Potter,' was by now looking quite alarmed. "Ron," Tom said, "could you explain my identity to Neville? Preferably without sending him running."
"On it," Ron said with a mock salute.
That more or less taken care of, Tom pulled Hermione closer so she could see the book as well and started taking mental notes on the ritual needed. It seemed like a simple enough ritual overall, which made Tom wary. Magic followed its own set of rules, one of which was that you got out of it what you put into it. In other words, a simple ritual with a great effect would require a great sacrifice.
Upon voicing this concern to Luna though, she shook her head. "You're only asking for an audience with the deity. It's up to them if they respond and, once they do, the final cost of your request."
Tom glanced over to where Fred and George were now 'helping' Ron explain things to Neville, which seemed to only be confusing the boy more. Luna wriggled back in his lap, tickling his nose with her hair. Tom tightened his hold on her and closed his eyes. Something pressed against his arm, and he glanced over to see Ginny leaning against him, then over to the other side to where Hermione sat, a notebook in her lap and a quill in her hand, taking notes on the ritual. A small smile crossed his lips. This was… nice. As discomforting as it was to know he'd changed, moments like this made it difficult for him to wish things were otherwise.
Eventually, Neville understood the twins' ramblings (or rather the explanation Ron gave after Silencing them) and gave Tom a hard look. Tom returned the boy's gaze evenly.
"Why did you give me those two spells?" Neville asked.
"Because I enjoyed the potential irony and thought you might as well," Tom replied easily.
Neville's eyes narrowed. "You'd really be fine with me killing the LeStranges?"
"I'll be disappointed if you don't," Tom said, imagining the scene and smiling. "I look forward to seeing what sort of face you make."
"That's sick," Neville said under his breath, and he ran a hand down his face, hiding his expression. At last, he took a deep breath and let it out in a woosh of air. "All right," he said. "I'm not happy about it, but I understand."
The boy shuddered, and Tom wondered what he was thinking. Was a part of him excited to have such blatant permission to kill his enemies, and that was what he found distasteful? Or was he disgusted with Tom's expectations? Was he torn between his Gryffindorish forgiveness and his thirst for revenge? Tom was fond of his current followers in different ways and to different degrees, but he could admit that the most sadistic incarnation of that affection was targeted at Neville.
"This deity, do you think we could also ask them to help us get Harry back?" Neville asked, then hurried to add, "It's not that I don't believe you can do it yourself. I think, though, that for Harry… It's like how you told us to fight. Even if the opponent is a first year and should be weaker than us, we should treat them as though they're stronger than us and hold nothing back. Even if you can get Harry back without any help, if we can get the help of a deity, we should."
Tom considered the request and finally nodded. Though he didn't entirely agree, he appreciated the appeal to his pride. It was a reasonably cunning method of convincing him, and Tom thought it best to encourage that sort of thinking. "I can ask for that as well," he said. "I won't give up my immortality for it though. If they say I can have only one request, Harry will have to wait."
This wasn't just his selfishness, though there was certainly a fair bit of that as well. Tom felt a constant anxiety knowing he might die. He would work better at everything once that had been rectified.
Upon entering the school, they found Madam Umbridge standing by the Great Hall in her pink cardigan, a disgustingly pleased expression on her face made all the worse by layers of makeup caked on top. "Messers and Miss Weasley," she said in a sing-song tone to her voice, "You missed several classes at the end of last term. I think that's worth a few nights of detention to catch up, don't you?" She giggled, and her eyes as she looked at them were just a bit too wide. It made her look unhinged.
Tom stiffened, his wand dropping into his hand and a curse forming on his lips. Hermione grabbed his arm and pulled him back discreetly.
Ginny gave Umbridge a sweet smile. "Of course, Professor," she said.
The moment Umbridge was gone, Tom spun to glare at Hermione. "Why did you -?"
The look in her eyes brought him up short. Hermione was always passionate, whether in joy or sorrow or rage. This coldness wasn't her, and even though he could sense it wasn't directed at him, it made him shudder.
Tom glanced at Ginny, who gave him an impish smirk. He also got a feeling of deep satisfaction from her, and he wondered what they had planned. Reluctantly, Tom let it go for the time being. If they were planning something, he shouldn't get in the way of that. He wanted to encourage Hermione's ruthless side, after all.
The following evening, during the Weasley's first detention, that determination wavered. Tom sat in the Common Room, arms crossed, foot tapping on the floor impatiently. The amount of pain coming through the bond from Ginny was far more than he'd expected. Something had to be wrong. Hermione sighed and sat down next to him. "They'll be fine," she told him.
"Bleeding and with a potential geass to dismiss isn't fine," he spat.
Hermione glared at him. "Oh?" she asked, tone alarmingly polite. "But you yourself assured me it was fine so many times last semester."
Tom suddenly realized the trap. He scowled. "A fourteen-year-old girl is not the same as an old man," he retorted.
"And the other students who've been targeted?" Hermione asked coldly, dropping the polite tone.
Tom grimaced. "That's... "
"Because you care more about Ginny than those students," Hermione said quietly.
Tom looked away. Admitting it to himself was one thing. He didn't want to hear it said out loud.
"Tom, you need to understand something. We care about you as much as you care about us. To us, having to watch you go to her detentions each night is the far more painful thing." Hermione leaned closer and pressed her lips against his cheek. "We've been planning our own revenge, so let us have it. The pain you feel right now is your punishment for making us endure it all last term." The muggleborn girl stood and headed up the stairs to the girls' dorm.
Tom stared into the fire. He touched his hand to his chest, which had felt tight with anger since Umbridge had assigned Ginny and her brothers detention. Was this pain? It wasn't a traditional sort of pain. It wasn't entirely different from the unpleasant, gnawing feeling of guilt though.
"Tom?"
He started at Ginny's voice, gaze darting to the wall to check the clock. It was far later than he'd expected. "You're done," he said, reaching a hand out for hers.
Ginny let him take it, smiling as he carefully cleaned away the few small drops of blood. "I'm fine," she told him. "This was only my first detention with her, you know, and I had your potion to protect me." Though she acted as though nothing was wrong, Tom could feel her through the bond.
It was hard to make out, but...
"I must not mourn the loss of fear-mongers," he read tonelessly.
Ginny flinched almost imperceptibly. He wouldn't have noticed it if he weren't holding her hand. Tom grit his teeth. "Is your revenge worth it?" he asked her.
Ginny bit her lip hard enough to bleed but nodded.
"Even with this?" Tom demanded.
"Yes."
He snarled and turned away. Something hot burned behind his eyes for a moment, a strange and unfamiliar physical feeling he ignored in favor of his anger. He stood abruptly. "We're completing the second phase of the ritual," he decided and, after throwing the Invisibility Cloak over them, led Ginny to the Room of Requirement against her protests.
Tom dragged her inside. "We're doing this before your next detention," he explained as he prepared the Room. "That way you need only think the word, and I'll put an end to it."
Ginny twisted her hands together anxiously as he wrote rune after rune on the stone floor. "Tom, wait," she said eventually.
Tom looked up. "What is it?" He didn't stop writing.
"I - I can't do it. I want to trust you," Ginny said miserably. "But I can't."
Tom paused and closed his eyes with a sigh. "I know," he said at last, continuing his work. After the next set of runes finished, he put his thoughts in order and said, "I trust Severus to be loyal, and I trust Hermione with my life. But I trust you with my... self. Without you, there is nothing standing between me and Voldemort." Tom chuckled hollowly, shaking his head. "You can't trust me because you know me. You can't trust me to be a good man because you know that I'm not. I will lie to you and manipulate you. I will hurt you intentionally, and I will hurt you in a million small other ways unintentionally. But without you, nothing will stop me from doing even worse to everyone else."
The ritual was ready. Tom stood and grabbed Ginny's shoulders. He stared into her eyes, willing her to understand. "Please, Ginny. You don't need to trust me. Just trust that I need you, and that means I need to know you're safe from Umbridge."
He kissed her.
It wasn't like the previous ritual, two seconds and then six seconds, just trying to endure the physical contact. It wasn't romantic either. It was soft - gentle - but also needy. Tom did his best to open the bond to send his feelings about her through it. Slowly, her arms wrapped around him, hands clinging to the back of his shirt as though afraid that he'd pull away. He didn't. Instead, Tom held her closer, feeling her body too hot against him. He led her into the circle, both shuffling awkwardly so they didn't have to let go of each other. Once inside the circle, Tom began the incantation, and Ginny followed.
Tom closed his eyes, focusing on the sensation of their magic. Where he'd panicked at the idea of kissing Hermione, he felt completely comfortable now. When Ginny wavered as the chant finished and slid down to the floor, he followed her as though it was completely natural. She moved instinctively, pulling him down on top of her, and he trailed small nipping bites across her jaw and down her neck, marking her as his, until he reached her shoulder and bit harder, sucking on the skin there just because he could. Ginny gasped, arching her back, and Tom felt the moment when she gave herself up to him and the ritual completed. He pulled away slightly, resting on his elbows, and cupped her face in his hands. "Thank you. I promise, whatever else happens, I will never let you go." His magic flared, accepting his words as truth, and he laughed softly at the wonder in Ginny's eyes before lowering himself down to kiss her again, a reward for successfully completing the second stage.
Eventually, the late hour and his prior worry and her detention caught up with them, and they made their way, stumbling with exhaustion, back to the dorm where they met an unhappy Ron. The boy's scowl only deepened when he spotted the purpling skin on his sister's neck, but he let them through without comment.
Tom was almost asleep when he was hit by a familiar sense of twisted euphoria.
"Tom?" Ginny's voice, echoing as though from far away.
Before him, a dementor blocked the doorway, but then it moved aside, allowing him entrance.
"Tom? Tom! Wake up!" Now he heard Hermione, but she couldn't possibly be here.
He walked down the halls of Azkaban unimpeded. The few guards he encountered, he killed. At each cell, he gave the inhabitant a simple choice: join him or die. His lips curled up into a smile as he again and again opened cells and either regained followers or murdered fools.
"Move aside, Miss Granger. Master, you need to wake up. Now, Master!" He felt a tug on his magic, and for a moment he was looking into Severus's eyes, then -
At last, the prison was empty. He closed his eyes, breathing in the smell of death. From the roof, he raised his wand and hissed, "Morsmordre!" A glowing green snake and skull rose into the air above the prison. He took in the sight with deep satisfaction, then turned on the spot and -
Tom shot up in bed(whereami), out of breath and displaced(whatisthis). He spotted Severus(traitor!) before him and raised his wand. "Ava-"
He cut himself off as he fully left Voldemort's mind and dropped the wand as though burned. "Severus," he gasped.
The man stood there calmly, and Tom felt only a very slight amount of alarm through the bond. Did the man trust that he'd stop himself or was he suicidal? Neither option appealed to Tom at the moment. "What happened?" Severus asked. "Who did he kill?"
"...Azkaban. He has his followers and everyone else is dead. The dementors have joined him." His pulse was finally slowing.
Without looking, he grabbed Ginny and pulled her closer. "I'm sorry for scaring you," he murmured.
She nodded shakily. "You were laughing."
"I'm sorry," he repeated. He finally noticed the rest of the room. Dean was listening to Neville and Ron, looking slightly ill, while Finnegan lay sprawled on his bed. If he had to guess, judging by the way Hermione kept her wand trained on the boy, he'd been the victim of a stunning spell.
"Master," Severus said, bringing Tom's attention back to himself. "At the end, when you were waking up, did the Dark Lord enter your mind, or were you simply disoriented?"
Tom carefully examined his memories, well aware of the answer's importance. He'd felt like himself, he thought, but he'd also had some distinctly Voldemort-like thoughts. At last, he shook his head in frustration. "I can't tell. Give me five minutes."
"Wait, don't -"
Tom dove into his connection to Voldemort. Overall, his awareness of it felt similar to his awareness of his bonds with Severus, Hermione, and Ginny, but it felt … sticky, he supposed was the word that best approximated the mental feeling. Typically, he blocked off the connection as best he could, but now he followed it to Voldemort's mind. The Malfoy's hidden dungeon swam into view, but that wasn't important at the moment. Now that he was properly awake, he was able to turn his attention away from Voldemort's viewpoint and onto the man's thoughts. He felt the man's Occlumency rousing at his prodding, but this mind felt almost more familiar than his own, so he took the information he needed and escaped before Voldemort could notice him.
Tom opened his eyes to Severus's face. His servant was furious about something. Tom shook his head. "No, if he did come with me, he didn't consciously realize it." Aware how easily his other self could do the same thing he'd just done, he spent a moment rebuilding the blockade on the connection. Clearly, it didn't stop the visions, but he should at least have some warning if Voldemort tried to enter.
"That was reckless," Severus snapped. "What would you have done if he'd noticed you? I should request you receive a resorting before this Gryffindor nonsense infects you any further."
Hermione laughed weakly. "Sorry, sir, but I think it's the bonds affecting him more than where he sleeps."
Looking like he'd bit into a lemon, Severus reconsidered. "Then complete your bonds without using any more Gryffindors."
Tom grimaced. It hadn't been reckless, he didn't think. He knew his other self's mind better than anyone after all. Still, he supposed that his was hardly an objective opinion. "Understood," he said sullenly. He'd been planning to use Neville, so it was a bit of an imposition, but if it made these three feel better, he could find someone else. Maybe Bones to round out his collection of Houses...
"No Hufflepuffs either," Severus added as though reading his mind.
Now Tom glared at the man. "Fine," he bit out.
Severus smiled thinly. "Thank you, Master." Though he didn't particularly look happy, relief poured through the bond, making Tom flinch and look away.
"Should I take it you finished the second stage of the bond with Miss Weasley last night?" Severus asked at last.
Tom blinked, and Ginny flushed.
Perhaps noticing her discomfort, Severus elaborated, "I could feel your panic, Miss Weasley, despite not being bound to you. It's how I knew to come."
"Really?" Tom asked, eyes alight with curiosity. "Can you still feel her emotions?"
Severus concentrated for a moment and nodded once. "Barely, and only if I'm paying attention, but I can sense both Miss Granger and Miss Weasley's feelings. They're…. attached to yours, in a way."
Hermione nodded. "I felt it too. I was spending the night in the girls' dorm - I am trying not to alienate the other fifth year girls you know - and suddenly felt like Tom but… not quite… was terrified."
"Sorry, wait, can someone please explain why we're okay with Harry being possessed by You-Know-Who?" Dean interrupted, sounding somewhat hysterical.
Neville sighed in frustration. "I told you. We're not okay with it, but there's nothing we can do about it at the moment."
"Yeah? And what about all this bond business? Did you guys get like soul bound or something and now you have to marry him?"
All four of them looked completely baffled, making Dean flush. He deflated, looking sheepish. "Sorry. One of my sisters likes reading romance novels, and she's always talking about that kinda thing."
Tom sighed. "What should we do about Finnegan? He's hardly likely to continue to be oblivious if everyone else around him knows about us."
Dean shrugged. "He'll be fine. He told me that he doesn't want to know what all's going on between you guys. He still thinks you're probably going to bring a lot of trouble to the people around you, and he doesn't want to get caught up in it."
With that matter resolved, Tom supposed he had no real reason not to explain everything fully. He couldn't control the visions, so it was probably for the best that the people around him understood things. "Very well. It started when I decided to make horcruxes," he began, and he continued speaking until his voice was hoarse and the morning sun was peeking in through the windows. The entire time, Ginny and Hermione added their perspectives, while Severus sat stiffly on the very corner of his bed looking as out of place as it was possible for a person to look.
When at last Tom stopped talking, Dean sat there for a while looking stunned. Finally, he whistled and shook his head. "Right. Well, thanks for trusting me with this, I think." He laughed nervously. "To be honest, I kinda feel like Seamus had the right of things now, but…." He shook his head again. "Damn. Alright, well, I'll keep your secrets, and, I guess, let me know if you need help? I'm… I'm gonna go ahead and go down to breakfast. Need to work through this on my own, you know?"
Severus took that as his cue to leave as well, and soon they were all heading down to breakfast, prepared to act like it was just another day.
AN: Me: "yeah hey guys, no more chapters till after I've played some Endwalker!"
Also me: *writes another chapter in a single day*
to Guest, who gave this story it's first non-constructive criticism: I don't think Tom is pretty, tbh. (To be more precise, I think he has incredibly stupid hair and a boring face.) Really, the only character I find the least bit physically attractive is Hermione. But Tom and I share a certain degree of unfamiliarity with certain emotions, so I like writing him more. Thanks for the review though!
Not even being sarcastic there. I'm weirdly pleased by the review, but, like, I want to make sure it's understood that my interest in Tom, pathetic or not, has nothing to do with prettiness.
Anyway, while Tom kisses Ginny on his own initiative here, I hope I did a decent job making it clear that he still doesn't think of her as a romantic partner, and that it wasn't even particularly sexual for him (though it almost certainly was on Ginny's end). None of Tom's relationships are going to be healthy. With Ginny, as I hope it's becoming clear (if it isn't already), he sees her as a possession, and she's mostly happy to go along with that. They've also got a weird codependency thing going on.
Severus's relationship with Tom is similar in that they both see Severus as a possession. However, Severus isn't even remotely attracted to Tom as a person, which automatically gives the relationship a different feel. As for calling Tom 'master,' well… I suppose I'll have to dive into Severus's head again sometime.