Chapter 1: This is Me Trying
"What was her name again Elliot?"
The words kept running through his head. He kept repeating Wheatley's cryptic speech over and over. How did he know? He'd kept his distance from Olivia as much as it killed him. Yes, they'd worked Simon's case and he wasn't surprised that he knew who Olivia was but how did he know what they were? How did he know every complicated detail of the delicate dance they'd been doing for two decades and wasn't able to admit to himself until he had to leave SVU?
"Elliot! Elliot are you listening to me?"
Angela's voice broke through his haze. "What?"
"I was talking to you." She was trailing behind him with a concerned look on her face but also searching for answers. "What Richard said back there. Was it true?"
Squinting, he looked from Angela to her attorney that just joined them and then out to the car where Ayanna was waiting. "Get her back to lockup," he told the officer and started walking. He didn't owe Angela any answers. He didn't owe her anything. She had his wife killed, end of story.
"What happened in there?" Ayana asked looking back and forth from him to Angela. There was something on her face that said she'd read something between them. It wasn't the first time he saw it but she had the grace so far not to ask. One day soon he would tell her but not tonight. Tonight, he had to get to Olivia.
Glancing at the time on his watch, he struggled with what to do next. Should he warn her? Gina was dead and Isak was missing. Wheatley was clearly dangerous, but he couldn't just show up at her house this late. "I need to call Li—Captain Benson," he said as they got into the car.
"What happened?" She asked again while starting the car. "We need her help again on this case?"
"No. Not really. Wheatley. He threatened her."
Ayanna started to drive a bit faster. "Shit."
"Yeah," he said scrolling through his phone frantically for the last call to call her back. Voicemail. "Dammit," he shouted hitting the dashboard.
"Where is she? At the station? At home?"
He didn't even think about the fact that she could still be at work. With Noah he didn't know how many long nights she was spending at work anymore and decided to call Fin instead.
"Tutuola," he answered on the second ring. "Liv, is she still at the station? Is she at home?"
"Hold on, hold on," Fin must've clearly caught the impatience in his voice. "What's going on Elliot?"
He didn't have time to give an explanation and scrunched his head trying to rub away the annoyance. He just needed to know where she was. "There was a threat against her. I'll give you the whole story later, I just need to know where she is."
One thing about Fin is that he didn't need a lot of details and was a man of few words most of the time. It was the reason why they clashed sometimes in the old days but got along better now. They understood what each other needed in the moment. "She was meeting with Chief Garland when I left. That was about an hour and a half ago. Want me to call her?"
"No," Elliot said looking up at the street signs. Ayanna had made good time navigating traffic. "We are only a couple of minutes away. I'll catch her. Thanks." He hung up and tightened his jaw. His heart was racing again and all the physical signs he had been exhibiting lately were back full force. His body was tense and tight, his breathing labored. Not Liv. He'd survived losing Kathy, barely and in large part due to her. If he lost Olivia, he wouldn't survive it and he needed to live. For his kids.
For her.
The car had barely come to a stop before he ran into the station.
"C'mon c'mon," he said to himself pressing the button repeatedly for the elevator. As soon as the door opened, he rushed in and Ayanna caught the door before it closed.
"Sorry."
"Thanks for waiting," she said sarcastically.
It was late so thankfully they didnt have to stop on every floor.
"She's going to be fine. I know you're a little worried because of Gina and—"
"Kathy," he answered looking right at her. "We know what these people are capable of."
She nodded. "But this is Captain Benson. She knows how to protect herself and she knows firsthand unfortunately what Wheatley and his crew can do because of her brother and —"
She was cut off by the sound of the elevator arriving. Elliot wasted no time going into her office where her and Garland were still talking. When the door opened, they both looked at him in shock.
"Elliot?" She asked confused. "What are you doing here?"
"Detective Stabler," Garland greeted him much more professionally clearly waiting for him to announce his reasons for visiting. His voice caught in his throat.
"Sorry to interrupt you chief," Ayanna explained, and he was grateful she was there. If not, there's no telling how he would've botched this. "We just came from arresting Richard Wheatley and we have reason to believe there is a concern for Captain Benson's safety."
Garland crossed his arms, less irritated now and more concerned. "What exactly happened?"
"I was talking to him, and he mentioned Olivia. I didn't know he was so familiar with her and based on some other things that have happened I think we need to get her into protective custody or something."
Ayanna's hand touched his arm briefly. He was messing this up and not explaining himself the way he wanted to. It sounded better in his head than how it came out.
"Although we were able to detain Wheatley, we have a CI that has come up dead and another one that's missing. Because of that we are taking all threats seriously. He's escalating and now that he's been arrested, we fear that he could order hits on anyone or anything that's standing in his way. We were already able to tie him to death of Detective Stabler's wife through corroboration of his ex-wife."
Olivia was silent, watching Elliot and noticing the way his face was twitching and that he somehow had reverberated back to the nervous behavior she witnessed in his house that night of the intervention. Whatever happened had truly startled him. He wished that Garland wasn't there so they could talk in a more personal way, the last thing he wanted to do was make her afraid, but he needed to know she was protected.
Garland took a step forward. "So, we are thinking he's targeting my Captain for both professional and personal reasons?"
Ayanna and Elliot nodded. "Yes sir," he spoke up.
"Okay well obviously we need to do whatever we can to protect her."
"Hold on," Olivia said putting her hands up and Elliot noticeably cringed. He didn't need this right now. Although he was happy that a lot about her hadn't changed, her inability to accept a protective detail was not one of them.
"Liv please. I know how you are about this kind of stuff but it's for the best."
She shook her head. "Ok I didn't say no. I don't want anything that's going to disrupt my life or frighten my son. If he sees guards and stuff at the door, he's going to wonder what's going on. Let's just back up for a second. What exactly did Wheatley say?"
Damn.
All eyes in the room turned to him and he choked on his words. He hadn't prepared for this part, and he definitely didn't need to admit in a room with both their bosses present that a con had called her the true love of his life.
"He said he knew who Liv was," he answered hoping it would be enough.
"Just out of the blue like that? In what context?" Ayanna asked. Of course it wouldn't be enough. He'd expected it from Liv not Ayanna.
"You weren't there for the interview?" Garland asked her.
They talked among each other while his eyes pleaded with Olivia to let this go for now and understand that she needed to be safe.
"Elliot?" She whispered in that low tone that he remembered so much from their partnership as she inched closer.
"Liv please," was all he could say.
She nodded and took the hint. "Talk later?"
He let out a sigh of relief. "Yeah," he assured her because she was giving him grace here. She deserved to know what happened but not in this setting.
"Detective Stabler walk us through the conversation," Garland said motioning to the couches in her office. "I want to make sure we have every stone uncovered."
"No need Chief," Olivia said, sighing. "Ill take the protective detail."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I don't want to waste any time. I can get the particulars later but right now I want to make sure that me and my son are safe so whatever we need to do."
Garland acquiesced. "Will do. I'll make some calls. Don't leave tonight until I can get someone here." He walked out to make a call.
The three of them were left in the office with Elliot and Olivia exchanging looks. Ayanna picked up on the tension and excused herself to make a call as well with a warning glance to Elliot to make it quick.
"Thank you," he said as soon as she shut the door behind them.
"What's going on Elliot?" She whispered keeping an eye on Garland through the blinds to make sure he wasn't coming back.
He couldn't do this here. Pinching his nose, he looked around the office. The one he'd stood in late one night after everyone had left and told Cragen that he was leaving for good. Cragen nodded, comforting him in that silent way he always did. Knowing when not to say too much and when to say enough. They knew it wasn't all about Jenna and that Olivia played a part too.
"Have you told her?" Cragen had asked him.
He shook his head, afraid to open his mouth and say anything or the tears would fall. There were the unspoken feelings he had for her then that he couldn't speak in this office and now here he was again faced with it again. He blew out a breath and paced.
"We don't have that much time," Olivia urged.
"Can we talk later?" he asked reminding him of the words she had just said to him.
She backed down and he wasn't used to this side of her. This was the part of her he still needed to get to know. There were times since he'd been back that she challenged him but there were other times too when she acquiesced. It was probably her navigating the land mine of his grief but either way he was grateful. He'd already said more than he meant to in the letter that he wrote while his wife was still alive. Now with a mixture of PTSD, grief, and sleep deprivation, who knew what he would say?
There was a mix of disappointment on her face. She'd told him he'd been better but looking at him now she could tell that something had changed. He was back to how he was a few weeks ago. "Ok."
Garland came barreling back in. "We can have someone at your place in about 2 hours."
"I can't stay here all that time."
"I'll take you home," Elliot volunteered. He wasn't going to take his eyes off her.
"Did you drive?" Ayanna spoke up, reminding him he was a passenger. "I'll take both of you."
"I have my car," Olivia reminded them.
"They can easily track you in that," Elliot spoke up trying to hide the urgency in his voice. "Until we know what's really going on here, I think you should leave your car here. That way they can't track your movements. This guy he's got people everywhere and until we can figure it out…" He left it there.
She dropped her eyes and sighed. He was right. "Alright."
"Okay," she agreed.
"Hey," he said and waited for her to meet his eyes. "It's going to be ok. I promise."
She nodded and excused herself to call Noah's babysitter to tell her she was on the way.
When Elliot turned around he saw Garland and Bell watching him intently. Truthfully, he had forgotten they were there. His focus was just on getting Olivia and Noah safe and her agreeing to their plan.
"Okay, I just thought about it. Maybe you can just take me back to the station. I'll get my car and take her home," Elliot said realizing he didn't want both of them at her house without a vehicle in case something came up and he needed to leave with her and Noah.
Garland spoke up. "You're not worried that they have something on your vehicle?" He was still skeptical of Elliot, and he got it. Didn't mean he had to like it, but he understood.
"Jet, our tech person has taken care of everything. It's fine."
Ayanna smiled a bit but let it drop quickly. She appreciated how much trust he had in Jet already. "Sounds like a plan."
"Lucy's expecting us," Olivia said walking in and grabbing her purse, computer, and files.
"Ok. Garland you'll be in touch when the protection officers are on their way?"
"Yes, I'll call my captain and let her know they are on the way." He said level setting expectations. Elliot was clearly taking charge, but it was still his precinct.
He noticed the power play but pressed forward. Now wasn't the time for a dick measuring contest, not at the expense of her safety.
"Thanks," he turned to Ayanna. "As soon as we get the names of the officers, we will have Jet run them through our database to make sure they're on the up and up and not someone Wheatley has infiltrated."
"El, I'm sure it's fine." Olivia balanced her glasses on the top of her head and said goodbye to Garland whose weariness had seemed to wane a little. He froze. By her movements he could tell she hadn't noticed the significance of what she said.
The car ride was quiet with Elliot stealing glances at her and Olivia working from her phone. Ayanna watched them both with a slight curl in her lip. She hadn't seen Elliot this concerned about anyone's wellbeing since they met. He'd already admitted that Olivia meant a lot to him but now it was clear just how much. For all his brooding and mood swings, the Elliot that was around Olivia was a different person entirely. A mass of contradictions. Strong yet gentle, stubborn yet pliant, confident yet vulnerable. She knew what this was all too well, but she wasn't going to approach the subject until he was ready. "You ok?"
"Yeah."
He kept checking his watch. They needed to get there soon. The more they were out and about, the more concerned he was. He just wanted to get her to the safety of her home where he planned to stay and watch, whether the protections officers were there or not.
They made it back to the station in record time. Elliot didn't bother going up to grab his files or jacket, he just led Olivia to his car, told Ayanna goodbye and left.
Olivia had stopped sending emails and was staring out the window. "Look when we get to the apartment, I have to explain to Noah what's going on, get him some dinner and take care of his night routine so you may as well tell me now. There won't be a lot of time later."
"You want me to just pick up something?"
She leveled him with a stare.
"Ok fine."
"When Wheatley was talking to Angela, he came out the blue saying that he knew that Kathy wasn't the love of my life."
He kept his eyes on the road, but he could feel her freeze next to him. Of course, there were parts he was leaving out, that the reason the conversation came up in the first place was to taunt Angela, but there only needed to be this part for tonight. She didn't need to focus on anything else other than Richard Wheatley being dangerous. And to be frank, he was just embarrassed that he'd been dumb enough to deal with Angela in the first place.
When she didn't say anything, he continued. May as well get it all out.
"He said something about me being a good Catholic and staying with Kathy out of obligation but that there was someone else." He swallowed. He didn't need to add the rest but he wanted to. There was some weird satisfaction and fear in someone else being able to read his situation for exactly what it was. "That the someone else was the one true love of my life," he repeated emphasizing the phrase just as Wheatley had.
It was then that he heard the tiny gasp escape her lips and he slowed down a little. They were a few minutes away from her place according to the GPS, but he felt like she needed more time. They needed more time to process what he said.
"So, he knows I'm a cop. Knows my name, where I work. That I have a son?" she asked trying to sound as matter of fact as possible and not have any emotion.
"I assume he knows all those things, but I don't know for sure."
Now she was confused, and he felt her head turn in his direction.
"He never said your actual name Liv. Never led on how much he knew about you."
She gritted her teeth. "You did all this based on an assumption?"
They got caught in Midtown traffic and he scrubbed his hand down his face. This was the part that was going to be the hardest to explain. "He knows it's you Liv. There's no way that he could peg my exact situation with that level of detail and not know it's you, where you work, what you do..that you have a son," he choked out. He turned to look at her then. "He knows it's you because I know it's you. And so do you Liv. You remember what I said during the intervention. You read the letter."