Chapter Eight
May 2013
A lovely bouquet of prairie wildflowers arrived on her doorstep Saturday morning. She was in good spirits after having a few nights of actual sleep and even sending out a reply to the nice couple who sounded very promising for the partnership. It turned out Mona knew the wife's auntie and sang their praises. She admired the array of stunning flowers in hues of purple, blue, pink, orange, and cream. Draco had excellent taste.
There was a simple message saying he was looking forward to tonight on the card. A hidden meaning of I'm sorry was already forgiven after she had left him and found another calf with the rest of the missing cows. She hadn't seen him since. She admired that he respected her wish for space. It gave her time to think.
She thought about the flirting, the true interest he seemed to have in her job, the strange feelings she got whenever she was too close to him, and the obvious desire in his eyes before she had fled. She had been so angry...but that look, if she were honest, terrified her combined with this crazy pulling sensation that seemed to only appear when they were around each other. If she had been any closer to him...well, none of that could happen.
She needed to let Draco know that this thing they had between them needed to stay at a friendship level. He lived half a world away and most likely wouldn't see her again after this visit. She didn't always have the strongest self esteem in herself but at age thirty three she was not interested in long distance dating. The least she owed herself was someone who was readily available.
The separation might be good anyway to get rid of the tug feeling she knew was not something she made up in her sleep deprived brain. She had felt it. It had been real. She had considered asking Draco if he felt something similar but she immediately rejected the idea. She sounded crazy even to herself. Whatever this was, it wasn't something normal and sane people experienced. She needed it to go away and perhaps Draco would take it with him.
"Emilia , get up here!" Kaila's voice echoed down her book lined staircase.
Of course when Emilia mentioned the dinner, not a date, to Kaila her assistant took it upon herself to make lewd suggestions, which Emilia emphatically denied anything of the sort being possible with her new platonic friend. Kaila had the gaul look indignant at her statement.
"Emilia, you have been working your ass off. It has been a year and a half since you dumped that gawd awful boyfriend. This man traveled halfway across the world. He has stopped here for several weeks to see you, specifically. Go. Get. Laid." Kaila had taunted, clapping her hands to emphasize her point.
Emilia had shut her office door to block out Kaila's arguments. When she called out from the other side of the plywood that she was helping Emilia get ready before said 'not date' she knew there would be no deterring the spit fire.
Thus Emilia found herself begrudgingly traveling up her stairs...into her bathroom where her vanity was covered with foreign hair products..sitting in a folding chair while she let Kaila twist and curl her hair...dealing with the insane amount of bobby pins it took to just pin her hair in a half updo...and allowing Kaila to put on a light dusting of makeup. It would shut her up at least.
Primped, prepped, and thoroughly annoyed with Kaila's zeal for her to wear a more racy lingerie set than the simple black one she meant to wear, Emilia escorted her friend out with promises to talk Monday.
Now the real challenge as she stood before her closet, hands on hips, frowning.
What did a mid-thirty year old wear on a not date these days? Amidst the scrubs, vintage rock band t-shirts, and jeans she only had three dresses to choose from. She didn't have all night to dally with this as the clock ticked by with her indecision.
"Oh grow up, Grainer." She huffed, grabbing her favorite olive green wrap dress that fell gently to her knees and clung to her slender arms in a three quarter length sleeve. Just for cheek she slipped into her brown dressy square toed boots. Multiple colored threads designed into wings across the sides of the mid calf leather. Perfect, she thought.
She gathered up her nerve, because this was not a date anyway, and slipped into her truck.
She drove to the Carriage Inn where Draco was staying. It had been a boarding house in another time. Mr. and Mrs. Golding had purchased it in the late seventies and converted it into a bed and breakfast that their son Michael helped run for them in their elderly age.
When she arrived Draco was already standing on the wide roofed Victorian porch, sipping from a glass tumbler with Michael. He was dressed, as always, smart in tailored black trousers and a simple white button down. She was glad he hadn't over dressed. She didn't know if she could handle Draco in a suit yet. She ambled her way over to the men. Draco's eyes slowly moved down her body in indisputable admiration which made her blush and rethink her plan if only for a moment. A girl could get used to those looks...until he left her high and dry. The careless thought made her resolve harden.
"Hello Draco, Michael. How are you two gentlemen doing on this fine evening?" She smiled.
"Evening Em." Michael waved.
"Emilia, you look lovely." Draco complimented.
She felt a rush of pleasure, admonishing herself for being swayed so easily by a rarely heard compliment.
"Thank you and thank you for the flowers. They're very pretty." She replied
"Of course. I'm glad you enjoy them."
Michael looked in between the two, obviously sensing the same heat she felt and looking for a topic to dispense the tension.
"I was just waiting for Charlotte to finish her shift at the hospital to take her to the movies and saw Mr. Malfoy out on the porch. Thought a nice cocktail to start the evening off right was in order." Michael explained.
Emilia's gaze finally left Draco's distracting eyes to focus on their companion.
"That reminds me Michael, will you tell Charlotte it's her turn next week to bring a dip to the book club?"
Michael nodded, turning his attention to Draco.
"My girlfriend is a member of Em's book club."
Draco smiled knowingly, a glint in his eyes. For some reason the look made Emilia want to sneer at him, her previous feelings snuffed out.
"I'm not surprised she created a book club for herself. She read constantly when we were children. If you couldn't find her, the first place to look was always the library." Draco said, amused.
Her cheeks flushed as Michael threw his head back with a laugh.
"Is that why you basically made your house into your own private library Em?"
Michael was only teasing but it peeved her to no end when someone made fun of her weakness for books.
"Oh, shut up Michael. I've seen your collection of comics that poor Charlotte has to contend with."
She grinned when he did, in fact, shut up. Draco shrugged at the banter.
"I also have my own library in my home but it's mostly inherited books."
Emilia looked up at him with fascination.
"Really? Do you live in a large house back in England?"
Draco snorted and took a sip of his drink.
"You could say that but my primary residence is a flat in London. Well, thank you for the drink Michael, but we best get going. Are you ready Emilia?" He set his tumbler down on the coffee table.
Emilia said her goodbye to Michael and led Draco back to her truck.
"You will be happy to know I cleaned the muck off and out of it." It was meant to be a joking statement but it came off a little bitter. Her hand was about to turn the key forward when his slipped over the top of hers, setting her skin ablaze.
"Emilia, I wanted to apologize before we left about my behavior at your job. You were kind enough to agree to let me go with you so we could continue talking and allow me to watch you work. I didn't intend to hurt your feelings and shouldn't have made such a crass comment. It was clear we both agreed to not speak about it again. I'm truly sorry for offending you."
It felt all wrong. His words were courteous and sincere but his touch was like fire burning through her veins. The pull in her abdomen was like a rope between them that became more taunt the longer he touched her. His grey eyes searched her face but his hand didn't move. Could he not feel her scorching? She fumbled to find words.
"I accept your apology, Draco. I'm also sorry for being so snide and overreacting. I was very overworked and sleep deprived. It's not an excuse for my behavior though. That's not like me at all. Let's let bygones be bygones and enjoy our dinner."
She cleared her throat and shook the hand he held a little. He understood the unspoken request and removed his branding fingers from her skin, the pull lulling almost remorsefully into nothing. Her skin felt what it was like placing ice on a burn, unpleasant and eventually cooling. Without further discussion, Emilia started her truck and began to drive them.
After a few minutes of silence they began to talk superficially about his office, his flat, and growing up as an only child at his parent's manor that he refused to step foot into. She spoke of her friend Mona, Larae, and the house she turned into a library to eat and sleep in briefly yet was her pride and joy. It made the drive pleasant and the time passed by easily.
The restaurant was a steakhouse one of her client's owned. Seemingly in the middle of nowhere it was actually a rather popular location with locals and tourists alike. Draco commented how surprised he was that reservations were not allowed yet the parking lot was almost full in the remote location.
"Don't worry if there isn't a table we can sit at the bar and drink for a bit."
Draco slipped around the front of her truck to join her as they walked toward the entrance. His shoulder was so close to touching hers.
"Oh, I see your ploy. Get the gentleman drunk then take advantage of his generosity." He observed playfully.
"Ah, I've been found out. Now I cannot possibly order the entire menu." She sighed.
"You can order the entire menu and ask to buy the establishment. I would if you wanted." He said teasingly.
He held open the door for her and Emilia knew he could see the head to toe blush she had. As it turned out there was a booth available where they promptly sat. Emilia thanked the hostess and waited for her to leave before she pounced.
"Stop saying things like that." She snapped.
Draco rolled his eyes.
"Emilia, relax. It's meant to be a joke, I swear. If you don't remember we had a rather terrible row last time we were this close. I'm very keen to not make that mistake again and it's making me rather nervous."
She arched an eyebrow at him.
"You? Nervous? You must go to plenty of dinners with clients and friends."
Draco let his eyes linger over her face before a soft smile played at his lips.
"I meant what I said earlier. You look lovely tonight."
Now Emilia was sure she was cherry tomato red. She pointed an accusing finger at him.
"See? That. That right there. No more of it before I combust from embarrassment."
"Come off it, Emilia. You're beautiful. Your hair is styled nicely, your makeup suits you, and that dress is very flattering. Can't I make an apparent observation?"
"No, I can tell you are a natural flirt but I am not one to just flirt with anyone casually. It makes things awkward." She retorted.
He frowned deeply at her as he studied her face.
"So, you have grown to enjoy subtle compliments. Interesting. I would never have thought that possible. You're not an easy woman to figure out, Dr. Grainer."
She was grateful that their wine arrived, taking a distracted sip as she thought over her next move. This could end disastrously. Their interactions this evening had been like a chess game except the rules were unfamiliar to her. She decided, for now, to play along and see where things went.
"Well, I'm trying to figure out a guy, too. He's so complicated and mysterious."
She grinned, determined to turn the mood around and move away from discussing herself. His eyes glinted mischievously as he folded his hands before him, feigning a pondering look at her statement.
"Your mystery man sounds intriguing. Tell me more about him."
She snorted, loudly.
"He showed up under rather strange circumstances. It turns out I knew him previously, too."
Draco's act of shock was enough to make her roll her eyes.
"What are the odds? Do go on."
She waved her hand absently. It was easy to talk about him this way.
"He's arrogant as hell. Apparently he didn't do his research about where he was traveling to with the smart, expensive clothes he wears. He is very sweet though. Quite considerate for being an only child. And..."
She stared down at his hands, her own were in her lap clasped tightly together. Should she?
"He says we knew each other previously but I can't remember him. He makes odd comments here and there that make me want to remember who he is. I promised not to ask questions but now...I don't know what I can ask without stepping over unknown boundaries."
She saw his body tense and felt the mood swiftly change back to serious.
"I want to know more about him...and maybe some of myself...but I feel at a great...disadvantage."
She kept her eyes on his hands. They tightened and loosened only to tighten again. It was a long moment and she wished he would say something...
"What if he...had safe words. They would allow you some navigation through conversations about the past but set hard lines on certain topics that are off limits...do you think that would help? I think he isn't completely against the idea of talking about the past too...but there are many things he simply can't delve into without causing...setbacks. I bet he is more keen to learn more about you now since he seems to know who you were before. I'm sure he would be more than happy to tell you some things about your past self as long as you were willing to tell him about who you are now."
Emilia bravely looked up. Draco's face is open, honest. He looked vulnerable in a way she didn't understand. Perhaps this was something he had been fearing would happen.
"What kind of safe words?"
Draco grinned slyly, elevating the mood a little. That couldn't mean anything good. His hands released each other, one came up to rest under his chin as he held her look.
"Hmm...let's see...something common...that cannot be misconstrued but we both would understand..."
"Don't even think about innuendos like yellow and red. I will not say those in public." She hissed in warning.
He laughed good naturedly.
"Fair enough. Give me a moment."
He watched her mouth as she sipped her wine, thinking, and she could see him contemplate what words he would choose before coming to a decision.
"Inhale and exhale."
Emilia blinked.
"That's a weird choice for safe words."
Draco looked smug as he slipped from his side of the booth and made to sit next to her, forcing her to share her space intimately. She gave him a cautious glare as she scooted over to make room for him.
"A wise woman once told me words have power in them with unintentional consequences given the right circumstances. I assure you these are not 'weird' innuendos."
She rolled her eyes at him.
"I stand by my statement. They are an odd choice. I can't see them screaming 'warning, do not pass go'."
"Care to make a wager, then?" He asked, grinning slyly.
Her eyebrows arched with curiosity.
"Go on."
Draco turned his upper body toward her, his face set so determinedly she felt as if she were looking at another person.
"If I make you feel something...inexplicable with my safe words you have to give me riding lessons for the remainder of my trip."
Hmm, interesting. She hadn't expected that.
"I see...and if I feel nothing and you lose?"
"I will bump up the time when I will tell you anything you ask about our past to now."
He held her gaze firmly without any laughter. It seemed like a win win to her.
"Deal."
He grabbed at her hand and she jerked back.
"What are you doing?"
Draco raised an eyebrow.
"I never said I would only use my words."
Her mouth dropped open in shock.
"That's not fair."
He shrugged, his smile practically wolfish as he held out his hand expectantly.
"You really should be more specific in the terms of your wagers. Come on then, give me your hand please."
She stared nervously down at his hand, already dreading the feelings she knew were to come.
"Emilia, this isn't to make you uncomfortable...will you trust me?"
She hesitated for a few seconds before nodding, still not completely sure that this was a good idea.
"Alright, close your eyes." Draco instructed calmly.
She thought to argue because this was another advantage she hadn't agreed to. However she hadn't been specific, as he said before, and she knew it was no use. Emilia relented and closed her eyes. Draco's hands gently took hold of her hand she held out, turning it palm upright.
The pull hummed contently within her stomach, waking and stretching in a pleasant way. He cradled her hand in one of his while his other hand traced along the lines of her palm with a single, elegant finger. She could feel the stirring sensation follow his movement, like a cat arching into a pet pleasingly.
"Inhale."
Slowly, she took a breath through her nose. As she did his finger lead a path down along the edge of her palm, the tug lapping at the attention he placed there. The comfort she felt when their skin met was on the edge of something more.
"When you inhale you are taking a pause...a moment of your time even if you do not plan to stop. There is still more room to move, more space to take air in. If you focus enough you can feel the pause but you don't feel like you have gone too far...correct?"
She nodded, relishing in the nearness of him and the delightfulness from this feeling in her palm. Close to something very personal yet not quite there.
Then, with her eyes still closed and her focus on the feel, she noticed a quick tensing and everything shifted as Draco's finger stroked intimately against the pulse of her wrist, following the curve of her forearm.
"Exhale." He whispered right into ear, purposefully dropping the timbre in his voice.
It wasn't the word itself that caused her reaction. It was the way he said it combined with the sensual touch that caused her to gasp. A burning like hot liquid followed the pad of his finger on her skin. It shot directly up her arm, through her chest, down her abdomen, and to her core. It had been so long since she felt this feeling that it blindsided her.
"However, when you exhale...you let it all out. There is no more air to push out. It's all laid bare whether you are comfortable with it or not. There is no way to pause, no place left to go. It's a hard line that you don't wish to cross because once you do you cannot go back."
He kept his voice low, the words spoken softly and so close to her ear that his breath made her hair tickle her cheek.
The pull was like a zap of lightning. It has her leaning into his words like caresses to her more feminine parts of her body. It tugged her to react unabashedly and the soft, pleased sigh that she exhaled breathily couldn't be hidden.
Then it stopped. His touch was gone. Her eyes opened. He was sitting in his seat again, his eyes wary. She couldn't help but notice his uncomfortable shift. His face shifted into a small smirk.
"I believe I have won. We will have to discuss a schedule for those riding lessons."
She'd lost but it didn't feel like it. Not with her heart pounding, her skin a gentle fire, and the memory of that exquisite finger on her skin. She attempted to pull herself together.
"I suppose you're right. Who would have thought two simple words could have such an effect."
He grinned smugly at her omission.
"Well, it is fairly common to have choice phrases or words that mean something to people that do not mean the same thing to most others. You and I used to do that."
Her interest is immediately perked.
"Really? What words?"
He looked a bit sick as if realizing what he had just said. He recovered quickly and shook his head.
"No, I won and you lost. None of that now I want to relish in my victory a moment longer."
She could immediately tell he was avoiding the topic. Well, she was about done avoiding things with him. It was the perfect time to bring up her concerns about things.
"Draco, I'll be honest. I'm not sure what this," she gestured between the two of them, "is but I think we can agree there are many valid reasons why a romantic relationship, or any kind of relationship beyond friendship, won't work for us. I want to make sure we are on the same page...as friends."
He stared quietly at her for a long moment, his expression unreadable, and Emilia feared she had been too bold.
Then, he laughed.
He laughed quietly, almost in relief, as he carded his fingers through his hair. His eyes were saying so many things to her that she wished she understood.
"There she is. I was honestly worried she was gone but she is there all right. You have never been one for subtlety. Bloody hell, I thought this was going to be near impossible."
"You know I have no clue what you mean." She said, frustrated.
Then, for the first time since they met, he gave her a breathtaking smile. It was like he had been holding onto it until the right moment. It had the pull aching for her to reach out and touch even the smallest bit of him. Her nails bit into the palms of her hands.
"Emilia, I promise I did not come here with any definitive expectations. If we are only friends I will be happy with that. If you wanted to kiss me I would gladly oblige. If you wanted to somehow have more of a relationship I would do whatever I could to make that happen. In the meantime can't we just enjoy the here and now instead of borrowing tomorrow's troubles? I am with a stunningly beautiful woman and I am content working on cultivating a true friendship with her."
Emilia thought about his words. She supposed it's true she would very much like to be friends with Draco and she could see his point that bringing up hypotheticals was counterproductive.
"Alright Draco. You're right. We should just enjoy each other's company for now."
She felt his foot tap against her ankle playfully.
"You will learn soon I am almost always right."
She laughed. Pompous arse.
Their meals arrived and broke their discussion for a few minutes.
"Now that we have established our safe words," she broached cautiously, a small smile lifting at the corners of her mouth, "shall we discuss some of our past?"
Draco finished his bite of steak, took a sip of wine, and gestured for her to continue. Excited, she set down her fork.
"When did we meet?"
"When we were eleven on a train." He replied evenly.
Hmm, very anticlimactic.
"You said we were adversaries. Why?"
Draco shrugged noncommittally, taking a sip from his glass.
"Just children who met under the right circumstances which fostered a dislike for each other rather than a friendship. We obviously fixed that as adults."
"What was I like in school?"
"Inhale." He replied without looking at her, missing the pout on her face. Before she could ask another question he spoke.
"So, you haven't been home for years. Have you kept in touch with anyone?"
She shook her head, picking up her fork to distract herself while she spoke.
"No, once I moved here for college after my parents died I...I closed the door on that part of my life."
Draco frowned, his eyes showing his concern.
"I'm sorry to hear about your parents. How did they die?"
"Hiking accident in Australia. Any other questions about them is an inhale for me."
She knew she couldn't voice how personally she didn't really believe the story the police had given her. How it didn't make sense that they couldn't recover the bodies in the ravine they had fallen into. The pain of having empty headstones in the little cemetery outside of town just so she had somewhere to go to grieve them. She didn't want to dwell on her parents though and started crying during their not date.
"What about your parents?" She asked.
He began to twist his wine glass on the table, his eyes watching the red liquid swish as he thought on her question.
"My mother was murdered almost ten years ago. I don't speak to my father and haven't for some time."
Wow. That was a lot to take in.
"I'm so sorry Draco." She offered lamely.
His eyes raised to hers and he smiled a little.
"My mother died keeping something important to me safe. It's what she wanted to do but I don't think I will ever forgive myself for what happened."
She watched him sadly as he privately went through varying emotions. It was a few minutes before he acknowledged her again.
"I have some questions Emilia...and I hope you will not be angry with me."
She paused mid bite before she nodded her head, indicating he could continue.
"Do you really not remember anything from before moving here?" He asked, genuinely curious.
She frowned.
"I would not over exaggerate something like that. I truly do not remember anything from the time I was about age ten or eleven until I moved to New York for college."
He frowned deeply.
"Did you have a head injury or something traumatic happened?"
She bit her lip.
"It has to do with the migraines...but that's an inhale for now as we discussed previously. As for a head injury I am not sure that I would remember if I had one, would I?" She teased.
He laughed, saluting his wine glass to her.
"Touché."
They both silently agreed to stop asking questions for now to enjoy their remaining meal and switch topics to more neutral areas, returning to a pleasant atmosphere of simply enjoying each other's company.
Emilia finished every bite of her meal even when she was completely full. She glanced down at his plate. He still had some bits of food left on his plate. Her knees bounced nervously.
"Are you alright?" He asked, his face looked slightly confused.
"Hm? Oh, yes. I'm finished, are you?" She asked, her voice tight with anxiousness.
He was looking at her as if waiting for her to speak the truth. He kept looking...
Ugh.
"I have...I don't know, a pet peeve I guess. I hate wasted food."
His eyebrows raised.
"Really? Still?"
She started at his question.
"What do you mean, still?"
He shrugged, gesturing to his plate.
"When we were younger you were the same way. You developed this 'pet peeve' as you call it when we were in our later teenage years."
"Oh. Do you know why?"
It was only a flicker but she saw the anger and pain cross his face before it disappeared as quick as it appeared.
"Inhale."
She was surprised and disappointed by the limit. There seemed to still be so many barriers to things Draco wouldn't discuss. It killed the mood at the end of their meal. The darkness in her mind flared with the threat of a migraine as she resolved to go there. She knew he didn't seem to want to talk about it but she refused to let her next question go.
"Draco, what were our other words that had double meanings?"
Cold. There was no other way to describe how his posture, eyes, aura felt at her words.
"Exhale. I think it is time to be off."
He placed several hundred dollars on the table to cover the bill and left with quick strides.
Emilia sat there, confused. Whatever the words were seemed to have great importance to him. She was bound and determined to eventually find out.