HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING!
Can we take a moment to say that Chris, Mariska and their families spent it together?! Like how cool is that!
I have so much to be thankful for and you guys? You have no idea how thankful I am for you. So, thank you. Really, thank you.
Happy reading and please review!
He's taking her out on a date tonight. A real fucking date. Where he brings her flowers and she wears a nice dress. Where he opens the doors for her and pulls out her chair. Where he shows her the true romantic side of him. Then, just like their plans that got canceled a couple weeks ago, he's getting them a room. A nice room with a Jacuzzi tub because damn, he wants to take a bath with her.
She has already insisted that it's not necessary. Why do they need to go on a date when they know everything about one another already? And he keeps letting her win. Keeps letting her distract him with her body. Although he's not complaining. He wants her body. He wants her. All the time. But she deserves to be taken out once in a while.
It's Saturday night and he's going to pick her up at seven. She told him to come up and he doesn't know for sure but he really hopes she'll give him a proper introduction to Noah. He's not asking for anything big. He just wants to shake the kid's hand. It's weird. Her having a kid and him never having met him. Yes, he knows that's his fault but with this new thing between them, this new amazing thing between them, he just wants to say hi to him.
The ride up her elevator he's a ball of nerves. He's holding a dozen peonies in his hand and he can't seem to stop rocking on his heels. She had told him, that in the end, Noah makes the final decision. Has told him on numerous different occasions that they're a team. Team mother and son, until the end. If he doesn't like him... Jesus.
When he knocks on the door he hears a young boy's voice, "MOM! The door."
And then he hears hers, "Thank you, Noah. Lucy, do you mind?"
And then someone else's, "Of course."
He knows Lucy is the name of her nanny. She told him that a couple weeks ago on the phone. When the door opens, the young blonde eyes him curiously, "Liv, you said he was bald?"
Well, that makes him laugh. Of course, that's the first thing she's going to say to describe him.
"Yeah, bald and kind of has a big nose."
Okay. TIME OUT. "Hey!" He exclaims.
She's not only laughing, Noah is as well and it makes both him and Lucy smile. "Come in. I'm Lucy. The sitter."
"Elliot. It's nice to meet you." As he crosses the threshold, he shakes the young woman's hand.
"You too."
When his eyes fall on Olivia, he has to keep his mouth from falling open. She's using the back of her couch for support as she slips one of her heals on her foot. In a short sleeve dark blue dress, that hugs her curves in all the right places. Her long brown locks, falling in waves over her shoulders. Jesus, she's going to kill him.
She smiles at him softly, "Hi."
"Hey." He's not exactly sure how he's suppose to greet her in front of her son and nanny, so he walks up to her slowly and hands her the flowers. "You look nice."
She takes the flowers, brings them to her nose to smell, "Thank you. Noah?"
"Yeah?"
The boy is sitting on the couch, a book on his lap, his body turned slightly so he can eye Elliot suspiciously and it makes the man smile. Already interrogating him. So much like his mother.
"This is Elliot, my..."
"Date?" The boy asks.
Olivia sighs, "Well..."
He has to get to the know the boy. And although this is just her introduction and not her opening to have a discussion with her son, he still speaks, "We're just going out as old friends."
"The old friend that left without saying goodbye?"
Fuck. He is not prepared for this. At all.
He glances back Olivia but when all she does is raise her eyebrows at him, because it's her child, does he really expect anything else, he smiles. It's obvious she's been very honest with her boy, which he thinks is amazing. Noah deserves to know the truth and he wouldn't expect anything less from her. A woman who always deserved to be a mother and God, he's so fucking happy she finally got the chance. He kneels slightly, so he can look in his hazel eyes, "You're absolutely right. I hurt your mom, a lot. And I, nor she, will ever forgive myself for it. But I'm trying. Really trying to make it up to her. I promise, I'm never going to hurt her again."
Noah stares at him. With an eye contact that he doesn't think he's ever experienced from a child so young but he never breaks from him. Keeps his eyes on his, and when Noah nods lightly, he blows a breath of relief out of his mouth. "Mom says you've told her sorry already."
"I have, a bunch of times. And I will continue to for the rest of the my life."
Noah nods once more and he loves this boy already. He will never hurt them, ever. And he knows it's to soon, but he wants to be a father to him. Wants to protect him, just as much as they both protect his mother. "Are you guys going to have sex?" Alright. He really is not prepared for this.
"Noah Benson!" Olivia says and he can even see out of his peripheral vision Lucy rub her forehead in disbelief. That is something he is definitely not answering. "What have I told you about personal questions? That's something we ask in private."
"Right. Sorry, mom."
He has five kids, so he's pretty immune to spontaneous questions at the oddest times, so he recovers, pretty quickly. "Hey, your mom was telling me you have a science fair coming up. Maybe next time you can tell me what you've decided to do for it."
"If I can ever decide what I want to do! There's so many things to chose from and I really want to win a prize."
"You'll think of something. You could make a list of the ones that interest you most and do some research on them. It'll help you narrow down your choices."
Noah nods, "Yeah, okay, thanks."
He smiles, sticks his hand out for the boy to shake, "It was good to meet you. Thanks for letting me take your mom out."
"Yeah, well you seem pretty cool."
"Thanks, bud."
When he stands back up straight and looks at the woman still standing next to him he smiles. She looks happy. Relieved even that Noah approves of him. He can see the tears brimming behind her eyes and God, he really wishes he could kiss her right now. "You ready?"
She nods, 'Yeah."
"Here, Liv. I'll put those in water for you," Lucy says as she takes the flowers from her hands.
"Thank you. Noah. Listen, behave, don't read anymore of that book without me."
"Will do, mom."
As she leans forward to kiss his curls, she adds, "I'll be back in the morning."
"K, mom. Love you."
"Love you too, baby."
The boy dramatically drops his head back on the couch, "Mooooommm!"
She laughs and is already grabbing her bag off the kitchen counter, "You'll always be my baby. Get over it."
Although Noah is smiling, he huffs and hits his head lightly with his book. She even one ups it and blows him a kiss and God, now he's the one second guessing food. All he wants is to drag this woman to a bed because he wants to show her how amazing every fucking part of her is. He must be staring because he hears his name, "El? Ready."
"Yup. See ya later, Noah."
"Bye."
"Thanks again, Lucy," Olivia says as they walk past the woman.
"Of course. Have fun."
When they're in the safety of her hallway, the door closed and locked behind them, he wraps his arm around her waist to place a kiss against her temple. "So, mom," he says as they make their way to the elevator, "Are we going to have sex?"
"Oh my god," she laughs out, her hand swinging back to smack him lightly on the chest, "I cannot believe he asked that."
"I don't expect anything different from your kid."
"That's definitely going to be a conversation for the morning."
"What? You going to tell him that we did?"
"Who said we're having sex?"
He raises his eyebrows at her and when she shrugs and presses the button for the elevator he grins. If she wants him to seduce her, he has no problem doing that, at all. He wraps his arms around her from behind, pulls her back against him and he can hear the deep exhale escape her lips. He leans in slightly so her can whisper in her ear, "Well, we don't have to, if you don't want to. But I really want to show you how grateful I am that you let me meet him."
She hums and let's him lead her into the elevator, "And how exactly are you going to show me?"
He waits for the doors to close, waits until they are secluded in their own little bubble before he says, his lips close enough to her ear that they drag slowly along it, "I want to kiss you everywhere." He feels her shiver and he dips down to place a soft kiss against that one spot under her ear that always makes her hiss.
"Sounds amazing..." She says, a little out of breath.
"Oh, it will be."
She moans softly, turns her head to kiss him and he doesn't know whether he should curse or be thankful for the doors opening at that point. "I'm still taking you out for dinner."
"Okay, if you say so."
He can't help but laugh lightly, the woman really is going to be the death of him.
He's not sure what she expects from him for a first date but he knows the woman. Knows what she likes and knows what makes her laugh. And really, he just wants to hear her laugh all night long. So when he pulls into a spot outside of a bar, she raises her eyebrows at him. "What? They have good food, drinks, darts and pool."
She laughs, "You know I can kick your ass at both of those, right?"
He shrugs, "It's been a while, Benson." He's actually pretty positive she still can. But, what's the harm of trying anyways.
"You better not be a sore loser."
He wanted her to laugh, and boy, does she laugh. Captain Benson prefers her glass of red wine but Liv? Liv still enjoys taking a swig out of a beer bottle. Still enjoys eating Buffalo wings smothered in ranch. Still enjoys disgustingly licking her fingers before using her napkin to wipe her face. As much as she wants to claim she's changed, which she has, he knows she has, she's still her. She's still the Liv he was partnered with for 12 years. The Liv he fell in love with. The Liv he's still in love with.
"I don't understand why you made me put on a nice dress and heals for this. I could have wore jeans," she says as she dips another fry in ranch.
He smiles, "I just wanted to see you in a nice dress."
"Well, next time I'm wearing jeans."
"Next time I may actually take you to a nice restaurant. You really want to take that chance?"
She huffs out a, "Son of a bitch," before standing up. "Come on, I want to kick your ass at darts."
And she sure in hell does. In her four inch heals and skin tight dress, she throws darts just as well as she always has. Kicks his ass and when he catches a younger man, much younger man, blatantly staring at her ass, he wraps his arms around her from behind. He really can't blame him, the woman is gorgeous, but she's obviously here with someone and he can be a little more respectful with it. She leans into him slightly, places her hands on top of his.
"So, you never answered my question," he says into her ear.
"Hmm, what question was that?"
"Are we going to have sex?"
She bursts into laughter in front of him. Her belly rolling against their joined hands and Jesus, he would die happy if this was the last sound he heard. That kid of hers very well may the death of them. But when the laughter dies off some, she answers the question truthfully, "I really hope so "
He hums behind her, kisses her neck softly, skims his lips along her skin. "And what are you going to tell him?"
As interested as he is in her body, he's also interested in her. In the parts of her he doesn't know. The parts of her he's never seen. Her being a mother is new to him and he wants to learn all about it.
She turns slowly in his arms, wraps her arms lightly around his neck, allows him to keep hold of her, "I'll probably try to skate around it. Like I did today. Play the whole, it's a personal question thing and that's not something we usually ask people."
"And if that doesn't work?"
"Tell him the truth. I always tell him the truth. As much truth as I can tell him. I just would like him to get to know you a little better before he knows that. If I tell him yes right now, he'll flood me with a million more questions about sex and about us and I want him to draw his own conclusion about you before I tell him mine."
God, the incredible mother he always knew she would be. "You're an amazing mom. I know it took a lot, so thank you, really thank you. For letting me meet him. He's amazing, Liv."
She smiles, drags her fingertips along the back of his head gently, "He really is. Everything I always dreamed for."
The tears are welling in her eyes and fuck, he wishes he could have seen her with a baby. He should have seen her with a baby. He should have been there. He should have helped her. He should have been someone Noah has known his whole life. He doesn't even realize the tear rolling down his cheek until her thumb catches it. He draws her in, kisses her deeply, right in the middle of this fucking bar, pours every emotion he has running through him into it. How much he loves her. How really fucking sorry he is and God he needs to get her out of here. He needs her in private. In a place no once can see.
"Can we go?" He asks. Please.
He can feel the drops of tears on her cheeks. And he knows, she feels the weight of his absence just as much as he does. Because he had left her. "Yes."
He never turns to see if the young man is still standing there because he really doesn't give a fuck. At the end of the night, he gets to take her home. He gets to ravish her.
The way to the hotel, they stay quiet. Their hands holding one another's tightly, resting in the center console. Both of them needing a touchstone of one another. His emotions are running strongly through his veins and he just wants to keep them at bay until they step into a room. They need this. He needs a moment where he can be openly sorry to her. And she needs a moment where she can be openly angry at him.
As they enter the room, he closes the door behind them and takes a deep breath. Prepares himself for whatever is to come. He's not sure what he expects from her in this moment, but when she turns slowly, there is no hate etched in her features. There's sadness, regret but no anger.
"I tried to hate you," she says softly.
He nods, "You should have hated me. You should still hate me." He was the one man who was supposed to never turn his back on her and that's exactly what he did. And he didn't even tell her goodbye.
"Yeah, I should. I don't know why you thought I wouldn't back your play, Elliot. I always backed your play. If it was time to for you to leave, I would have respected that. You put in more time than I had. You paid your dues at SVU. I would have gotten it."
"I know that." Of course he knows that. It would have been emotional but in the end, she would have supported him. "But we were too close, Liv. We were skating a very thin line at that point. And we both knew it, Kathy knew it. We were fighting everyday, about the job, about you. And she was my wife. I wasn't supposed to, ever supposed to feel anything else for another woman. She was supposed to be it."
"And that's my fucking fault? I deserved to be punished because you fell in love with me?"
"I never said it was your fault."
"I never asked you for anything Elliot! After Gitano we lost our way but we figured it out. I thought we had figured it out. I was happy where we were."
They had figured it out. As much as they were able to figure it out without crossing any lines. But, really who were they kidding? There was literally only so much resolve two people could have. Because in the end, he felt like he was bound to explode at any moment. It was why he had left the way he had. He was bound by a commitment and him and Kathy had learned to be happy again. She prospered in Rome. He gave her the life he was always supposed to give her. But with that came a price. He had left the one woman he had ever truly been in love with and fuck, life is a pile of shit sometimes. "You may have been happy to stay where we were, but you know it wasn't healthy. For either of us. Every time I was near you I just wanted to touch you. And the more time passed, the harder it was to ignore. I made a decision. Was it the right one? I don't know. I'll never fucking know but I thought I was doing what was best for everyone."
That pisses her off, he can see it, and fuck. "For EVERYONE? Or for you and Kathy? Because while you went and settled down in Rome I was left here without the one person who I considered to be my family. Was left here to pick up the broken pieces of my life alone. So really Elliot, for everyone?"
He scrubs his hand down his face. This was not how tonight was supposed to go but it was bound to happen eventually. "I thought leaving would help you too, Liv. I thought you would find someone who took care of you. Someone who wanted you as much as I wanted you but could actually have you."
"Well fuck you for making that decision for me. Because if you haven't realized, I hadn't found anyone."
The word hadn't doesn't go unnoticed to him. She has found someone now and the person she's found, is the person who she always wanted. The person who always wanted her. Him."I don't know a lot of things, Liv. What I do know is that I never should have left without talking to you. I was wrong. I hurt you. I missed so much of your life, the major parts of your life and I will never forgive myself for it. I'll take anything you're willing to give me and what you're giving me is beyond anything I've ever imagined."
She smiles at him. It's not exactly a happy smile but it's a smile nonetheless, "Well, I think we waited long enough. It's just a lot of history, El. History that we have to productively move passed if this is going to work out in the way we both want it to. I don't want to continuously bring more sorrows on our sorrows. It's good to talk about but let's not let it consume us."
God, this woman deserves so much better than him. But he wants to be the man she deserves. He wants to be better for her. Always has. So, instead of responding, he takes the few steps towards her, wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her softly on the lips. "I do love you."
"I know."
And then he kisses her again and again, mumbles apologies between the kisses because he can never tell her sorry enough. Their tears for all the what ifs, for all that has been lost, for all that is to be gained fall.
He backs her up, encourages her to sit on the bed, drops to his knees in front of her. Because he had promised to kiss her everywhere and that's exactly what he's going to do. As he removes these damn heals from her feet, his mouth glides along the exposed flesh of her calves and God, the woman is always so soft.
He flings her shoes behind him, kisses the top of her feet, drags his tongue tightly along the side of her foot and she jumps slightly in response. Another ticklish spot for him to explore later on. The emotions are still heavy between them and when she pushes his jacket off his shoulders, he reaches around her back to find the zipper of her dress.
She allows him to be slow. Gentle even. His hands move along her skin softly, guide her dress down her shoulders slowly. The soft sounds escaping her mouth match perfectly to the pressure of his fingers and when her dress bottoms out at her waist, he leans into place soft kisses against the exposed scars on her breasts. Another piece of her life he wasn't there for and fuck, he doesn't understand why she doesn't hate him.
His tears fall against her skin, his chin trembling slightly because he failed her. He failed to protect her from monster. Failed to be there when they found her safe. Failed to care for her afterwards. And god, he still doesn't even know exactly what happened.
Her hands on the side of his face coax him to look up into her eyes and her eyes hold the same amount of emotion he's sure his do. Her hands are gentle as they wrap around his head to bring his lips to hers.
And then they're lost, in one another. Her dress, matching lace bra and panties are tossed aside. His clothes are thrown to the foot of the bed. His arms are pulling her up to settle on the pillows, and Jesus, she's so beautiful. "You're beautiful," he whispers, his mouth searing his love for for against her skin.
His tongue sweeps perfectly against hers. His lips trail along her jaw, down her neck, his teeth catching those spots that make her whine and whimper, down her chest, over the slopes of her perfect breasts. His tongue laps at every scar left behind on her, his teeth catch her nipples, his tongue trails along the pebbled flesh. She arches hard under him, breathes his name out of her lips and he'll spend eternity making up everything he ever did wrong to her like this.
And as his lips move down her stomach, over her voluptuous hips, his teeth sinking in every spot he can, his mouth waters with the thought of tasting her again. He uses his hands to spread her thighs wider, sinks himself further into the mattress and lines his mouth up to her perfectly. Even with the tears, she's still glistening with need and when he blows hot air onto her, she moans and lifts her hips towards him. Seeking. Asking. Wanting. He keeps his eyes on her face as he tastes her. As he swirls his tongue around inside of her. As he sucks her clitoris firmly into his mouth. When he slides his finger into her wet heat, she moans his name, grips the back of his head tightly, her nails digging into his flesh and arches her hips hard against his face. And God, the woman when she comes.
As she comes down, he kisses her thighs thoroughly, drags his tongue along her freckles and when he gets to number 30 he makes it a goal to count all of her freckles later on tonight. With his tongue of course. And when she pulls him back up to her by his shoulders, he molds his lips over hers. Let's her drink herself off his lips and the way she moans in approval makes him groan. She likes the taste of herself. Of course she does. Who wouldn't like the taste of her.
He goes to position himself perfectly between her open thighs, goes to line them up but she's quicker than he is. Flips him over before he can even think and damn, he forgot how strong she is. But tonight is about the both of them. About letting him apologize to her and about letting her be angry at him. So he sits up, rests his back against the headboard, brings them face to face.
As she sinks down on him slowly, her warmth surrounding his hard length, she kisses him deeply, moans against his lips, allows him to guide her hips with his hands to get him buried completely. And once she's adjusted to him, she rocks her hips lightly to make sure she's comfortable, before she establishes a pace on top if him.
He tries to help her, tries to use the grip on her hips to get her the pace she wants but she doesn't let him. She grabs his hands, moves them to her waist, makes him know that she can do this by herself.
And by herself she does. Her hips are fast and rough against him, her hands using his shoulders as leverage. Her moans fill the air around them and he didn't think she could be any more perfect.
When she forcibly grabs his head and shoves his mouth towards her bouncing breasts, he takes her nipple in his mouth. He'll give her everything, anything she asks for.
She hisses, "Fuck, yes, Elliot."
She never tells him he can't touch, so his hands squeeze everything roughly. Her thighs, her ass, her hips. As long as he's not trying to persuade her movements, it seems like it's okay. She moans in tune to his squeezes and it doesn't take long for her to be clenching tightly on top of him. But the movement of her hips never stop, her body ensuring that her orgasm never quite tapers off until another one is hitting her just as quickly.
Her teeth sink into his neck and when her hips still don't stop, she moans, "I'm sorry. You just feel so... shit... so good."
He groans, his lips trailing along her neck. "Don't ever be sorry, for this. Take what's yours, Liv. Take whatever you need." Whatever she needs to prove to her that he's never going to leave her again. To prove to her how fucking sorry he is.
She's not done, he knows she's not done. Knows she wants to come again and he's pretty sure she wants to squirt but he can feel the moment her thighs start to tire on her. He's trying to keep himself from coming until she's fully pleased but he can only take so much. He's quick. Has her on her back and is standing on the side of the bed before she can even register what's happening.
"El..."
He doesn't respond to her, just grabs her good ankle and pulls her body so her ass is hanging over the side, her head in the middle of the bed. He enters her in one swift movement, listens to her moan in pleasure, encourages her to wrap her legs around his waist, digs his fingers into her ass and starts to move.
In this angle he can thrust even deeper, move his hips faster and she mewls in response. Every position with this woman is incredible, but this one. This one is something else. He gets a full view of her. Of her hair splayed out around her head, of her face thrown back in pleasure, of her breasts bouncing in tune to his thrusts and fuck, he really isn't going to last much longer.
His thumb finds her clit, rubs tight circles against it and her hips arch hard in response, "Elliot!"
"Come on, baby. Come on."
His hips move faster and harder, her moans grow louder, her pussy clenches tighter and finally, finally he feels the push he's learned so well already within her. He pulls out, keeps his thumb persistent against her nerves, let's the stream release between them. He's pretty sure the whole floor can hear the scream of his name but he really doesn't give a fuck. Let someone make a noise complaint about a woman having a mind-blowing orgasm because that's a different kind of low.
He wants to come inside of her, so he waits until her body finally relaxes to reenter her. She moans softly and tries to sit up to be closer to him and he once more pulls her up the bed enough to settle between her legs.
She wraps her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, her wanting as much contact with him as she can get. Their chest are pressed tightly together and God, he can never be close enough to her. His lips seek hers, his fingers comb through her hair, her hands softly caress the back of his head and on one more thrust, he's spilling his seed deep inside of her.
She whimpers, as he groans and his lips trail along her cheeks lightly, "I love you, Liv."
"Mmm, say it one more time."
He laughs against her skin, "I love you, so much."
"I love you too, Elliot."
"I'm never going to leave you again."
"I know."
The fact that she believes him fills his heart with a sense of security he's never had before. And as his lips once again trail down her body to start counting these freckles, he's hopeful that although he missed so much, there's much more for him to be here for.