Chapter Thirty Three

Jasper

Bella was calmer by the time we reached the motel but I was relieved to find Peter busy on the phone with his wife. He was always much more relaxed and mellow after speaking to Charlotte. She seemed to have the gift of soothing the savage beast.

He looked over and gestured to a piece of paper beside the room phone and excused himself long enough to tell us that Darius had called and left a contact number we could reach him on.

"Guy has a fucking God complex, he'll only be available for the next couple of hours then he has something more important to deal with. That was about…"

He glanced at his watch, "About forty minutes ago. I thought I might have to come looking for you, seeing as it was so fucking important. Now, it's down to you. I'll be back in a few minutes."

He wandered out into the snow still talking to Charlotte and I couldn't help smiling at how tender his voice had become.

Bella, who had been washing her hands came back through and picked up the paper studying the number.

"International. Are you going to call? Or should I?"

Deciding it might be better if I did it, Bella could wind anyone up in a second in her present mood, I took the receiver and asked the office manager to connect me to an outside line. He took a credit card number and I was soon listening to the phone ringing at the other end.

Darius' now familiar voice answered after only a couple of rings.

"Major, I was beginning to think you weren't going to bother calling. I take it you got my message about taking the collar off? Sorry, I had to lie to you, but I needed to be sure you and your girl would behave.

From the tone of your friend's voice, I take it that her mood hasn't improved much. Maybe my news will cheer her up. You too.

As you know I have my spies in Italy watching the Volturi and it seems that your ex-family found itself in big trouble, but as usual, the Cullen luck held and they're all still alive and kicking. However, I don't think they'll be leaving Volterra anytime soon, except that is, for Eddie the idiot, but hey, they didn't get executed."

"Did you find Caius?"

"Oh yeah. In fact, I'm looking at him right now. Aro kindly laid out an invitation for me. A lunch of cold revenge, which I am about to dine on. However, before I do so, he also asked me to pass on a message to you, well to Bella. It seems he doesn't want a fight with her. He's willing to do a deal with both of you. It would appear that it benefits everyone."

I beckoned Bella to move closer so she could hear everything that Darius said more clearly and as she rested a hand on my shoulder to lean in I was very aware of her breath on my neck and the scent of her blood although it didn't stir my thirst, not to drink anyhow!

Darius hesitated as if he knew what we were doing then continued.

"Bella. Aro has spent centuries watching Caius play his game of hunt 'The One' as he calls you. He didn't intervene often, but he was concerned by the prophecy, no shock there! He and Marcus did a lot of research and it seems that Sara was only the first to speak the prophecy, not the one and only. Other seers have seen the same vision and more."

"And what he learned frightened him into offering me a deal? Why? What makes him think I'd accept a deal from the Volturi? After all, they slaughtered every one of my ancestors that they got their hands on."

"I hear you and I understand, but it seems this gift of yours is in fact, a double-edged sword."

I felt Bella stiffen at this, but her voice was steady enough, "Go on, I'm listening."

"Look, to be honest, I haven't had the time to research everything he said. As you can imagine I have other things on my mind, but I'm inclined to believe him. I don't think Aro is in any position to start something with you so he's offering what he knows, hoping that you're still human enough after all you've been through, to have some desire to live."

Bella laughed, but there was no mirth in the sound, "Does he now? Would you bet on those odds?"

"Surprisingly, after meeting you, yeah. I don't think you truly want to die. Not any more. It's exhausting holding onto that level of rage. Stoking it so the flames don't die and trust me, I'm talking from bitter experience. Anyhow, I'm not interested in discussing such things. I'm just going to give it to you straight and what you choose to do is up to you."

I had already guessed what Darius was about to say and it came as no surprise to me, only the extent. Gifts could be either a blessing or a curse depending on your point of view, but one thing was true of all of them. Using a gift took a lot out of anyone. I should know, using mine to suppress Bella's rage and thirst for revenge had been wearing. Now, her gift was far more potent than mine. Therefore it followed that using it would be even more exhausting. What I hadn't expected was what Darius was now explaining to her.

"Aro did a shitload of research and what he discovered was that your gift is also a curse. Each time you use it you lose a little of yourself. If you continue to use it, make no mistake, it will kill you. You need to weigh up how much you want to kill all the 'monsters' who ruined your life. Enough to throw away your future for? I'd think long and hard before you continue on the path that leads to your destruction."

Bella didn't react; she merely continued to listen so I spoke instead.

"You're sure of these facts, Darius? It's not just bullshit to stop Bella?"

"Not one hundred per cent, no. As I said I've been rather preoccupied, but if it were me, I'd certainly consider my options. I didn't get the feeling he was tugging strings. Oh yes, one other thing. Aro knows it was the guardian leader who hooked you up with the hunters.

Did the great and powerful Johnny H also tell you the downside of continuing with your murderous rampage? Because he knew. I guess he saw you as a handy tool to kill our kind and saw he only had to push a few of your buttons to send you on your merry way. Or maybe it just slipped his mind.

Just be careful, Bella. Vampires aren't the only monsters out there or maybe I'm preaching to the converted. Anyway, I don't expect to talk to you again so good luck, whichever way you decide. I just think it's a shame to throw it all away for a dog that attacked you and an idiot who couldn't tell a good thing when he had it. If you can't forgive, then try to forget, I couldn't and look what it did to me. Anyhow, you're on your own now. Good luck."

He hung up without saying goodbye and I knew we would never hear from him again. Once Caius was dead, and his death was a foregone conclusion, Darius would join his beloved wife and finally, perhaps find some peace.

I put the receiver down but didn't move. I didn't want to break the connection between Bella and myself.

We stood for a moment before she moved away and stared thoughtfully out of the window.

I wondered what she was thinking and if she had believed Darius. How much of the Bella I knew had already been destroyed by her gift? Was there enough left to understand that however much she might long for revenge it was simply not worth the price?

Suddenly she turned to stare at me, "Do you believe it?"

I held her gaze, "Yes. Hatred and anger are destructive emotions and the power of your gift only intensifies them."

"And Aro doesn't want a war? Is that likely?"

"Look. I don't know much about the Volturi or Aro, but I do know that they aren't as black as some people paint them. They had to be strong to keep our race from self-destruction and I'm sure they've done some really bad things over the centuries, however, I also know that rule by fear isn't a long term solution to anything.

As the world became more civilized man learned to rule without so much bloodshed and savagery and so did the Volturi. From the little I've heard, I think they've learned a thing or two. The only people who need to fear the Volturi are those who risk exposing our kind or break their other laws."

"So what you're saying is that Aro is no more corrupt than any politician? God help us all if that's the case."

Peter returned then and I could tell that his mood had mellowed considerably which was a relief. I didn't want to waste time refereeing between him and Bella.

"So, you had a cosy chat with the mystery man? Great. What now? Only I have a woman waiting for me to get home to her and much as I've enjoyed our time together I'd like to be heading off soon. I take it from the lack of cussing and spitting that Bella here isn't set to resume war on our kind just yet?"

I tensed, but Bella was deep in thought and ignored him.

"Yeah, Peter, you head off. We're OK here. But thanks for coming."

He grinned, then shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, what are friends for? Are you sure you can cope with Little Miss Firebrand there?"

"I'll do my best. Give Charlotte my love."

He snorted, "If you don't get yourself back to the ranch pretty soon, it'll be more than your love she'll be wanting. Trust me."

I nodded, "Tell her I'll be sure to stop by once I get time."

Peter glanced at Bella and opened his mouth for some sarcastic quip then thought better of it.

"Maybe if Bella here decides to go nuclear again, you'll remind her that I'm one of the good guys before she dismembers me."

Shooting him a warning look I turned my attention back to Bella and heard the door close softly as he left. As to whether he had really gone home or would be watching my back from the shadows was another matter.

She moved slowly to the window and watched as Peter left before turning back to me.

"Your friend seemed anxious to leave. Does he really have someone waiting for him? It seems unlikely."

"Hey, remember even vampires need love and Peter has a wife who adores him despite his rather unorthodox behaviour."

A ghost of a smile crossed her lips, "I guess if he's a friend of yours he must have some redeeming qualities."

It was a huge compliment and I waited for the sting in the tail but nothing came. Was I finally getting through to her?

"What next? Have you thought about Aro's offer? About the consequences of continuing your present course?"

I thought I detected a flash of impatience in her eyes as she answered.

"Consequences? Do you think I care about my own life? Everyone I care about is either dead or not who I thought they were. I saw Charlie's mutilated body and knew if not for me he would have been safe. Victoria killed him because she couldn't get to me. She slaughtered him to torture me."

"Bella, it wasn't your fault. If anything, it was ours. We should never have left you unprotected knowing that so long as Victoria lived, she would be looking for revenge and you were the easy target.

She was too cowardly to take on Edward or the family so she went after you.

I guess I should probably tell you at this point that I killed Victoria. Probably not what you wanted to hear but she's dead. You tried to protect those you loved as best you could."

Bella stared at me and I wasn't sure if she was relieved or angry at my news.

"But I didn't, did I? A vampire killed my mother just as a vampire killed her mother and hers before her. I didn't protect my father or rather Charlie, because I don't know who my biological father was. I had this gift, this powerful gift that could have saved Charlie, but I didn't know about it until it was too late."

There was a deep sadness in her voice as she continued.

I know you want me to give up. To stop what I started and go back to being Bella the innocent student who should never have been drawn into this, but you see I never was that person. Eventually one of Caius' hunters would have found me and then what? Would he have been satisfied with just killing me? Or would he have ordered everyone I knew to be slaughtered too? I was cursed from the time I took my first breath, don't you see that?

Why would I stop now I understand what I'm capable of just because Caius is dead and Aro Volturi doesn't want a fight? Will that save other humans from becoming a vampire takeout?

And what about the guardians?

Look at me! This is what they are capable of and it wasn't just an isolated incident from a guardian who should have been killed long ago because he's a dangerous animal who can't hold his temper in check. I saw Sam Uley's girlfriend. He loved her and yet he almost killed her. If I stop, who is there to stand up for the weak and innocent?"

I sighed and moved to take her hands in mine. She tensed but didn't pull free.

"Bella, you're not the saviour of mankind. However strong you are, eventually someone will beat you and from what we learned I doubt that would be a long time coming. Every time you kill, you lose strength, but more importantly, you lose a part of your soul."

She laughed at my words, "My soul? Do I even have one? After all, I have vampire genes inside me."

Her words angered me and I snapped a reply, "Listen to me. Killing anyone marks you, I should know, I've killed plenty in my time. I felt the last vestiges of humanity leave me. My soul was lost a piece at a time with every life I took."

She frowned, "You did? I thought vampires were soulless creatures."

"Did you?" I smiled wryly, "Well, maybe you're right, but something died inside me. Maybe calling it a soul was arrogance on my part."

She bit her lip, agitated by my words.

"All I have left is my rage. If I lose that I have nothing. I know you're controlling it for now, but even you can't keep that up indefinitely. You're probably the only vampire I would regret killing, but even so…"

Her hands were shaking and I knew she was afraid. She had given up everything to follow this path of revenge and feared what would happen to her if she gave that up. All she could see was a dark deep void ahead. She was truly alone, yet I sensed that at least a small part of her wanted out. Rage not only destroyed the carrier it also wore them down until only despair was left and I wasn't going to leave Bella to fall into that particular abyss.

Struggling to reply she turned away halfheartedly.

"I'm tired and I need space to think."

I nodded, "Sure. If you need me I'll be outside…"

Seeing her alarm I added, "Keeping watch. I don't expect a visit from the Volturi now, but there's no saying what the Guardians might do if they trace us here."

"You could just leave, Jasper. I can take care of myself, remember."

I smiled, "Oh I wasn't thinking of you, just the innocent humans who might get caught up in your ongoing feud with the dogs."

"I would never hurt innocent people," she snapped, irritated.

"Not intentionally, but accidents happen when you're hurling vampires or wolf boys around all over the place in an area populated by people. You take some time. Think about what Aro said and…"

"Your words of wisdom too? Don't worry, I will."

I nodded, dropping her hands and opening the door.

"By the way…"

I turned, "Yes?"

"I guess I should thank you for saving me."

"Maybe, but I'd think about that too. After all, if you go nuclear again, then I haven't saved you, have I?"

With that, I closed the door and turned to stare out into the parking lot which was lit by the fading rays of the moon through the falling snow. I could feel the maelstrom of her emotions but there was nothing more I could say. The rest was up to her.