Chapter Thirty Four

Bella

I was tired. I hadn't lied to Jasper. But I was also confused and emotional. I was glad Jasper's friend had gone, I didn't like him. I had wanted to hate him, to yearn to kill him, but somehow it seemed like too much effort, and that concerned me. Was it Jasper's influence? Or has something changed in me?

I knew why Jasper was keeping me calm, but that didn't help. I needed to know my true feelings. Was I still prepared to follow my goal to kill as many monsters as I could before I was killed myself? Especially now I knew that I would probably die at my own hands not drained by a vampire or torn apart by a wolf. It was a form of suicide but then that had been my original intention.

It felt wrong to give up purely to save myself. Especially as so many others had died down the centuries. My own flesh and blood descendants. They had been hunted down and destroyed with the same casual disregard as a human hunting a deer or mountain lion. None of them had done anything to deserve such a fate any more than I had. Would they understand if I turned my back on gaining revenge?

Did I want to live? I guess that was the important question. Was there anything left for me in this world?

The situation had also become more complicated. I had to face the bitter truth that if I continued, Jasper would also have to die.

I had vowed to kill as many monsters as I could and the cold fact was that Jasper was a vampire. One who had taken countless human lives by his own admission. He had led the vampires employed by Caius to our campsite and they had slaughtered my friends. Their blood was on his hands, even if he had acted to save me. The question was if I had not been the gift they were searching for would it have made any difference? No, Jasper wouldn't have spared Joe or any of his companions. They would have died for being a threat to his kind.

Thoughts whirled around in my head and I found despite my weariness that I couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for what seemed hours yet it was only about fifteen minutes I climbed off the bed and grabbed one of the unopened sodas then moved to the window to peer out.

Jasper stood in the shadows staring out across the parking lot, although I doubted that was what he was seeing. Somehow I got the impression that he was deep in thought. I wondered if he was still controlling me as closely as before and tried to sense my gift.

At first, there was nothing, but then I felt a tingle deep in my brain. It was waking up, I was regaining control of my emotions and therefore my powers.

It was hard, but after a few minutes, I could feel my gift like a mist around me. It was weak, but maybe with a little perseverance, I could summon enough power to take Jasper. Once completely free of his control I could think more clearly and therefore make decisions regarding my future.

Maybe if I could turn his gift back on him, I could incapacitate him without using lethal force. Alternatively, I could kill him and add another notch to my belt. That last thought came unbidden and made me feel uneasy. What was it about him that made me so reluctant to kill him? I owed him for keeping me safe, more than once now, but it was more than that.

Whoa! I wasn't prepared to go where that might lead. Instead, my mind shied away as I turned back and began donning my coat and sneakers. Not exactly the best clothes for an escape in snowy conditions, but beggars couldn't be choosers so they would have to do.

I wasn't sure I could sneak out without him hearing me, but then a new sound intruded on the silence. Three cars full of what sounded like rowdy teenagers swept into the parking lot making enough noise to wake the dead.

It was my lucky day. The noise they were making along with Jasper's distance from the motel gave me a fighting chance of escape and that was all the advantage I needed.

I slid up the bedroom window which had, luckily for me, been recently oiled, and wriggled through the gap. My fall was cushioned by the pile of snow that had collected against the back of the building.

Scrambling to my feet I made a run for the nearby trees convinced I would feel his restraining hand on my arm at any second.

Once hidden by the cover of the trees I headed towards the nearby road knowing I couldn't evade him unless I could hitch a ride. I hadn't seen many headlights so I knew that the road wasn't well travelled, but it appeared that the Gods were on my side today.

I had barely reached the verge when a truck came around the corner. It was old and battered, but best of all, the driver was an older man who would hopefully be more likely to believe my story of a girl abandoned by her boyfriend after a heated argument and take pity.

He brought the truck to a stop down the road a little and I ran up gabbling my excuse and begging for a ride to the next town.

For a moment he hesitated and I feared he might drive off, but then he leaned over and opened the passenger door for me to climb in.

"I saw the Harris boys' trucks in the motel parking lot. I guess you were with them, eh? Not the kind of people you want to get involved with. Not a young lass like you. You're not from these parts, are you? Where did they pick you up?"

I gave him some story about meeting the boys at a truck stop while I was hitchhiking and how they offered me a lift.

"At first it was OK. Then they started coming on a little heavy, so I decided to split."

He frowned, "It's not safe for a young girl to be out in the wilds on her own. You must have a pretty strong reason for being here."

I was too tired to come up with more stories, instead, I just touched the scars on my face and mumbled, "A boyfriend."

Shaking his head, he offered me a can of soda, "You young people. I don't understand you. I have a granddaughter about your age and I'd be driving these roads trying to find her if she ran off, so would her daddy. Are you sure you want me to drop you in town? I'll give you some money if you want to call someone to come and pick you up. Looks like you've been through enough already."

I frowned, then realized that he was referring to my appearance. I must look a mess from lack of sleep and tension. Not to mention my creased clothing and lack of luggage.

"No, but thank you."

He nodded and turned up the heater when he saw I was shivering. I was cold, sure, but that wasn't the reason. I felt strangely alone. It was the first time I had been on my own since Renee took me out of the hospital in Forks. There had always been someone with me, Peggy, Joe, Johnny H. That last brought the first true spike of anger I had felt in days and I knew I was finally free of Jasper's calming influence.

I closed my eyes and sat back to think. What was I going to do next? I had little money, but that didn't bother me. I could live rough, I'd done it before with Joe and his friends. What I needed was a plan, a target to work towards. I needed a goal, something to give my existence meaning.

One thing stuck in my mind. Johnny H had known what would happen if I continued using my gift to kill vampires for him, yet he had declined to warn me. The fact that it would have done nothing to change my decision at the time was immaterial. He should have told me, but he hadn't. My anger began to build and I decided that he was the person I wanted to confront. Along with Paul who was curiously so far from his pack. If he truly was still tracking me to apologize I had no need to search for him.

My thirst for vengeance against the Volturi was spent. The one vampire I had desperately wanted to kill, Caius, was already dead, and I had to admit grudgingly that Darius had a prior claim on him. He was dead and that was all that mattered.

It was his fault that Charlie had died, he sent Victoria and her friends to hunt me down, but he had finally paid for his sins. As for the Cullens? Well, if I came across Edward and his precious family I would probably kill them all, but they weren't worth my exertion and, of course, they were safe in Volterra. Unless that is, I decided to ignore Aro's peace offer.

Thinking about it with a head clear of the red mist of rage it soon became apparent that the people who had damaged me most of all were the guardians. The so-called protectors of humanity. They had failed me. They hadn't kept Charlie safe and they were responsible for my brush with death. Even their esteemed leader had lied by omission. Winding me up and sending me out to kill his enemies and therefore saving his precious guardians from a dangerous job.

Yes, if anyone deserved to pay for all the pain and suffering I had experienced it was the guardians.

I had no idea how to find Johnny H, but a small problem like that had never stood in my way before and wouldn't stop me now. I was in Canada and I vaguely remembered Edward telling me that the guardian's headquarters was somewhere in Alaska. Surely there were only so many Native American reservations there?

I had the nagging feeling that I knew more, but it just wouldn't come, so I tried to think about other things. The information would come to me if I just gave it time.

Jasper

I had half expected Bella to make a run for it. After all, she hadn't been under my control for some time now, although I still kept an eye on her emotions. It paid to be vigilant or risk losing your life even though I felt I was safe from Bella's rage.

It was easy to understand what had driven her to such an excess and I felt that I was in some part responsible. I had known Victoria's nature and should have remained to ensure that the nomad didn't come back to take her revenge on the girl she held responsible for the loss of her mate. The falling out with the family had made that almost impossible, although I could have hung around nearby or more sensibly hunted Victoria, and Laurent if necessary, and killed them thereby eliminating the threat. Instead of which, I had left without even warning the others to be careful. I wasn't to know that they too would abandon Bella, but that was no excuse either.

I still didn't understand why Edward hadn't done anything to keep her safe. After all, he certainly had feelings for her even though they had proved too weak to survive.

I guess I owed Darius for involving me when he did or Bella might well be dead or a prisoner of the Volturi by now. I just wished I had reached her earlier.

Following Bella without being observed was easy enough, even when she hitched a lift, although hearing the conversation in the truck cab was not so easy as I ran to keep up while still keeping out of sight. I cursed, I should have kept the battered old truck that I had abandoned, but it was too late to change things.

I didn't doubt that Bella would keep an eye out for any sign of me and sure enough, her eyes darted to the roadsides at regular intervals.

I just had to work out where she was headed and why.

And after that? Well, something would come to me.

The truck finally parked at a mall and while the driver went inside, Bella made her way determinedly towards the truck stop on the edge of town. So, she was still looking for a ride although I did not approve of her chosen mode of transport. Hitchhiking was dangerous enough at the best of times for a woman alone, but out here in the wilderness with so few vehicles on the road, it was insane! Especially as she would never use her gift on a human.

Sighing, I retraced my steps to the mall parking lot, which was still quite busy I assumed because it appeared to be the only one in town, and approached a car that seemed to have been parked for some time by the accumulation of snow on its roof and hood. Hoping that its owner was an employee and would not return any time soon I forced the lock and found a spare set of keys hidden under the passenger seat.

The tension drained from me as I made my way onto the highway without incident and drove up to the truck stop peering through the fogged window looking for Bella.

She was standing beside a table speaking to a bearded man who listened to her and then appeared to think about something before giving a reluctant nod of agreement. I was just in time. She had found herself another ride.

When the trucker walked back to the back of the diner, Bella came out to wait for him, giving me an opportunity which I snatched.

Pulling up beside her I threw open the passenger door.

"If you think I'm going to let you go off with some strange trucker in the middle of nowhere you don't know me very well, Bella. Get in."

She hesitated scowling at the sight of me then, seeing the determination in my face, reluctantly slipped in and shut the door.

I pulled away, heading out of town, then sighed and turned to look at her.

"What the hell are you doing? Aro is still waiting to hear from you. Don't you realize how vulnerable you are out here? And don't give me any crap about your gift. I don't think for one minute you would use it on an innocent man."

She glared at me, "You mean the truck driver? Well, if he'd tried anything, then he wouldn't be innocent, now would he?"

I grinned, "I guess not. So, where are we headed?"

She looked around the car, noticing the kiddie seat in the back, "Did you steal this?"

I nodded, glad for the change of subject.

"You didn't give me much choice after hitching a ride. Up until then, I thought I'd be OK on foot. I didn't realize that you were planning on a road trip."

"You knew I'd gone? Why didn't you stop me? Losing your touch? Or are you too hungry to put much power into your gift?"

I felt her eyes searching my face, although she didn't appear concerned about the idea of being trapped in a car with a thirsty vampire.

Deciding to ignore the barb I waited a minute, then glanced at her, "Where to?"

She sighed, " I'm going to Alaska."

I nodded, thinking ahead, "Then I guess we need to ditch this car."

"Why?"

"Well, unless you want to spend the next week alone with me in this confined space we should probably fly or take a train and ferry."

She turned to me warily, "You're coming with me? Why?"

"Let's just say I have business of my own there."

"In Alaska?"

"In the Denali National Park. That is where you're headed isn't it?"

"Denali! Of course."

She sat more upright and grimaced. "I remember Edward mentioning it when he told me about Tanya and the girls."

There was a bitterness in her voice as she spoke his name and I realized just how much he had hurt her.

"So, road trip or train ride?"

I was praying she would choose to drive but I didn't really expect it so I was surprised when she spoke.

"I'd rather not be around a lot of people. Let's drive."

Trying hard not to show my elation I merely nodded, "You're the boss."

Yes, I am, just remember that, Jasper. Don't try anything. You won't change my mind. I intend to face that two-faced dog and tell him just what I think of him and his pack of killers."

Then she leaned back and closed her eyes

I hope you have money for gas, I'm broke. I'm also tired and cold, so if you don't mind, I'm going to try and sleep."

I took the hint and concentrated on driving while working out the best way to get Bella into the guardian stronghold. She may think she could just walk in, but it wouldn't be that easy. Especially if Johnny H knew that she'd learned the rest of the prophecy and he was no idiot.

What I was doing getting involved with the most dangerous of the guardians I didn't know. All I knew was that I couldn't abandon Bella, not again.