Chapter Thirty Eight

Jasper

We fell into a routine without actually acknowledging it. At dusk, I would stop at a motel and while Bella went into a nearby diner for dinner I would get a room. Then while she slept I would hunt or go for a long walk.

It was that time between dinner and sleep that was so precious to me. A few quiet hours when we sat together and talked. The present was forgotten or at least pushed to one side and we discussed anything that came to mind. Bella was interested in my life as a human and I found myself remembering things I had forgotten for decades. Talking about my family and our life on a small farm in rural Texas brought them back to life. My pappa who had worked so hard to provide for his brood. My momma who always had a smile and hug for her children and my brothers and sisters all now long dead.

Hearing a first-hand account of everyday life in the mid-1800s fascinated her even more than my time in the Confederate army. Usually, if anyone asked about my life it was those short months before I died that they wanted to hear about. My life as a soldier had defined me for so long I had almost forgotten I was once a young man with a life ahead of me. A youth full of ambition and keen to see more of the world.

"If you could have done anything at all, what would you have chosen Jasper?"

I didn't hesitate, "I would have become a veterinarian looking after horses."

She smiled, "Yes. I can imagine you doing that."

"Really? I'm not usually seen as such a benign figure."

"That's only because people don't know you. If they took the time to talk to you. To see behind that mask you wear things would be different."

I laughed, "Maybe, but if they learned of my more recent past they'd probably run away screaming."

"I didn't."

I stared into her face, "No. You didn't. Thank you for that."

I shouldn't have been so intent. She became flustered and took herself off to bed. One less night together remained.

I had deliberately taken my time on the trip and although she must have guessed as much she never questioned it. Perhaps she was enjoying this time of peace as much as I was. Or maybe she was just gathering herself for the mayhem to come. I wasn't sure. The longer we spent together the less I was able to read her emotions. Now I knew what had frustrated Edward so much, the inability to know how she felt, what she was thinking.

As the signs for Denali National Park became more numerous I knew our time together was coming to an end. This would be our last night together before we crossed back into the present and all the terrible things it held for her.

"We could keep driving. Another six hours would get us where we're going."

I tensed, waiting for her reply and praying it would be the one I wanted to hear. Why the heck had I opened my mouth?

There was a long silence as she considered my words and the world stopped spinning.

"Pull in here, Jasper. I'm hungry."

I could have shouted my delight at her decision but instead, I just pulled off the highway and into the parking lot of a diner.

She remained seated gazing out of the windshield then turned to me hesitantly, "Would you come in with me? I hate eating alone."

"Sure."

I was out of the car and opening her door so fast I had to remind myself to stay in my role as a human but looking around I realized that no one was looking.

As we made our way towards the diner entrance she tripped and almost fell grabbing my arm to catch herself but, to my surprise, once she regained her balance she continued her hold and we walked in like a normal couple out for a meal. Not that I would have chosen such a seedy-looking place to take a date but hey, I wasn't complaining.

She slid into a booth near the back where the shadows would hide her scars and smiled tentatively.

"Thank you. I know you don't eat but I hate sitting alone feeling other eyes on me."

"They're probably wondering what a beautiful young woman is doing all alone."

She snorted, "Beautiful? You really know how to make a girl feel good."

I shrugged, "I tell it like it is. Those scars don't make you ugly. Not in my eyes anyhow."

The blushes were back and she excused herself, "Will you order for me, please. I won't be long."

"OK, but what do you want?"

She leaned in and whispered. "If you can choose clothes for me I'm sure dinner won't be beyond your capabilities". Then she fled.

I didn't know what to make of her actions. It was almost as if she was flirting with me but I didn't delude myself. Maybe she was feeling a little dizzy with relief at the thought our trip was almost over and she would be face to face with Johnny H in a few more hours.

True to her word she was back in five minutes and looked more like her old self, or at least the new Bella I had come to know.

"So, how long will it take us to get to Denali? I mean Eleazar's place as he is your first stop? You could drop me off at the Res first if you like. I mean your business with him has nothing to do with me."

Maybe I had misunderstood and we were just stopping for a meal. That's why she asked me to accompany her, so I wouldn't go booking a room for the night.

I glanced at the clock on the wall, "We could be there by midnight if we leave in the next hour."

"Midnight? That's a strange time to be calling on people. Or maybe not. I mean, is it etiquette to go calling in the middle of the night?"

"For us you mean?"

She frowned, "I just thought maybe they might be out hunting, that's all. But if you want to go on, fine."

I groaned, well done Jazz, open your mouth and put your boot right in it.

"No. I just thought when you asked that you were impatient to get going. I'm happy to do whatever you want."

She worried her bottom lip staring down at the table.

"I'm sorry, I'm just feeling a bit uptight. No, tomorrow will be fine. I still haven't quite decided what to do when I get there."

This was some admission. Bella was no longer ready to kill first and ask questions later and that was a great improvement. I decided the best thing was to keep my mouth shut and let her do any talking.

The server turned up at this point rendering conversation impossible and we waited as she put down two plates and refilled Bella's coffee cup.

Only when she was back at the counter did Bella look at me, "Blending in?"

I shrugged looking at the plates, "I wasn't sure what you wanted so I ordered for both of us."

Frowning, she switched plates, "I might try a little of both. I'm feeling adventurous tonight."

I grinned, an involuntary reaction to her words and she frowned then slapped my hand playfully.

"Don't. Or I'll make you eat that salad."

I contented myself with making a face and watched as she ate her meal. In the past week, her appetite had improved and she had put on a few pounds losing the gaunt look she had when I first set eyes on her with the hunters.

The conversation in the diner was superficial after that but when we left she took my arm again.

"I don't want to go sprawling."

"Be my guest."

"Besides, that young girl who served us couldn't drag her eyes off you and she looked so nice. I'd hate her to think you were single or anything."

"I never even noticed."

"I know and I don't understand why. She was young and pretty and obviously interested."

"I was brought up to believe that the girl you were with was the one you noticed not others, besides, why would I be interested in a kid like her?"

Bella shrugged and we made our way to the motel office in silence.

Bella

I was a mess, I admit it. Our road trip had been a fantasy. Two friends taking time out to just chill and chat. It was as if the past didn't exist, all the pain and rage belonged to another. I felt I understood why Alice had been so attracted to Jasper. She was manic, full of barely suppressed energy and desperate to control her environment and all around her. Jasper was the opposite, calm, controlled but not the iceman he first appeared.

If any of the Cullen brood deserved pity it was Jasper. He had been targeted for his strengths, for his command of people, for his determination to be the best soldier he could be. All that had been snatched away from him because Aro needed to find someone to help Maria keep the Southern covens in check. He had been dragged into a world of blood and violence and taught that was all there was now for him.

The strength it had taken to survive and break free of that world was unbelievable but he'd done it and not only that, he'd reinvented himself with a little help from Alice and the others. Edward always played the victim game. A poor boy with no family dragged into this world by a vampire doctor with compassion after the frenzied pleas of his dying mother. Edward had never really suffered. He lost his human life true, but he had a surrogate family and was looked after and spoiled by them. I wondered what I had ever seen in him.

Now if it had been Jasper I met first...I fought to avoid my growing feelings for him but each night as we sat chatting I found myself drawing closer and closer to this enigmatic man.

I hadn't wanted to feel anything ever again except hatred and a thirst for revenge but that had leached out of me over the past couple of weeks. The trouble was I still wanted Johnny H and Paul to pay for what they had done to me. To ensure they could never do such things again. I wanted to see them hurt but Darius had shown me that slaughter wasn't the only way. His little trick with the Volturi had been a masterpiece. If only I could come up with such a scheme.

The problem was I couldn't get my mind off Jasper long enough to think of anything and the time was almost up. We would be in Denali tomorrow and I still didn't know what to do.

I knew I should have insisted we drive on but I couldn't bear to lose this final night with Jasper. Once this was over and I was free he wouldn't feel that he needed to be my bodyguard. He could do as he said and go visit his crazy friend and wife. It frightened me, the thought of being all alone and it hurt to think I might not see him again.

It had been stupid to grab his arm, to pretend we were more than travelling companions although I sensed he felt something for me. Of course he does girl, he feels sorry for you. I felt like screaming. But what if it was more than that? Oh yeah? You wish. That little voice in my head was driving me mad. Forget about him, you're damaged goods. Besides, you were shacked up with his 'brother'. Are you trying to work your way through the family?

Once in the room, things followed their usual rhythm. I showered while he flicked through the TV channels to find a music station then sat waiting for me. I was comfortable enough to be in his company wearing only a robe and we sat together listening to the music.

Usually, we would talk about nothing in particular but there was a sense of expectancy in the air tonight.

Nobody spoke for some time and then, finally, I could stand it no longer and broke the uneasy silence.

"So, what do you plan on doing when we get to Eleazar's place? Do you want me to stay in the car? Or have you decided to drop me off first?"

He studied me for a moment before answering.

"We both know I'm not going to do that, Bella. What you do once we get there is your decision. I intend to talk to Eleazar."

"Talking to him? Do you mean you aren't going to kill him? After all you've been through you're going to let him off with a slap on the wrist?"

I was confused. I had expected him to rip the guy's head off at the very least.

"You think I should kill him? What purpose would that serve, Bella?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. Wouldn't it make you feel better?"

"It was all too long ago now. What would be the point? Besides he has a wife and family. Do I have the right to destroy their lives too?"

I got the feeling he had something up his sleeve but he wasn't going to tell me. If I wanted to know I would just have to wait and see.

"And you? What are you going to do?"

I sighed, "I wish I knew. If Darius was here no doubt he would have thought of something. I don't think killing Johnny H is the best thing to do. I want him to suffer. I want all the guardians to suffer. Any ideas?"

"Hey, I'm no Darius but I am relieved you've decided not to go on a killing spree. You're better than that. You're better than any of us, vampires or guardians."

"Am I? I don't think so. Besides, I am part vampire, remember."

"I hadn't forgotten."

I sighed and lay back on the bed.

"I'll grab a quick shower then leave you to sleep."

He was up and at the bathroom door before I could speak.

"You don't have to go. Not unless you need to."

He looked a little taken aback, "Oh. I just thought you might want some privacy to sleep."

"No. After all, I'm perfectly safe with my guardian angel here."

He smiled, "Knight maybe but not an angel. Still, if you don't mind I'll just watch TV."

I shrugged feeling inwardly elated but attempting to act nonchalant.

As usual, my fantasies, while I could hear water running, were highly X-rated and I closed my eyes trying to calm myself. This would be the last time we spent a night together, the end of our road trip. Tomorrow things would become serious, the real world would intrude and a future I couldn't imagine. I would be all alone with no family, no home and nowhere to go. Was death such a bad alternative?

Hearing the door open I feigned sleep although my heart was pounding. I was sure he would call me out but he merely dropped down into the chair bare-chested with a towel around his shoulders and picked up the remote.

This was crazy, here I was in a motel room with the sexiest guy in the world and I was pretending to sleep! I braced myself to speak when a phone rang and I jumped.

Jasper reached for his jacket and pulled out his phone.

"Peter? What the hell does he want?"

I moved towards him to listen in and he put it on speakerphone so I heard the voice of his friend loud and clear but I still perched on the arm of the chair so close I could smell the soap on his skin.

"Major, do I look like a fucking mailman? Because your friend certainly seems to think so."

"Start over, Peter. What the heck are you talking about?"

"That Darius guy is really beginning to piss me off."

"You've heard from Darius?"

We exchanged a confused glance having assumed Darius had killed himself after taking his revenge on Caius.

"Not exactly but I had a file sent by him turn up on my computer. It's addressed to the crazy lady but I assumed where I found you I'd find her."

I didn't like the knowing tone in his voice but decided to just listen.

"OK. Tell us what it says."

"It's not addressed to me, I told you. Besides, it's encrypted."

So he had tried to open it!

"I don't know why he sent it to me. If he thought I was going to start chasing around the country like a fucking coon hound he's wrong."

"Send it to me. Bella doesn't have a phone."

"Neither did you and if that asshole hadn't given me your new one you wouldn't be getting this crap now. Great when you give your number to a stranger and not me."

"I didn't give it to him. Just send it, Peter."

"Sure. Char wants to know when you are coming to visit. You can bring the crazy lady with you if you like. As long as you've housebroken her."

I felt Jasper stiffen and put a hand on his shoulder shaking my head. I didn't need him to stand up for me to that crazy guy!

The file arrived and Jasper cut the connection but I didn't move. I didn't want to break the link between us.

Instead, I watched as he tried to open the file.

"Peter's right, it's encrypted. Any idea of the password?"

I started to shake my head then stopped, "Try Sara."

He tapped the letters in and the file opened so I leaned in closer to read the contents.

"I told you he liked you."

There on the screen was exactly what I needed. A way to make the guardians pay, all of them, but especially Johnny H.

"Maybe he did. Do you think he's still out there?"

Jasper shook his head, "No. Look at the date the file was created. He dug this up while he was waiting for Caius."

I suddenly felt very weary and lay my head on Jasper's shoulder without thinking.

"I guess it's nearly over."

He lifted me into his lap and put his arm around me holding me as if comforting a child.

"Nearly, yes."