Chapter Forty Two

Esme

I didn't know what was coming but once I understood we were hearing what was occurring in Denali my attention became focused on Carlisle. Certainly, Phoebe's gift was startling but I wanted to see what Carlisle made of any punishment Jasper or Bella handed out to Edward.

Personally, I thought both Edward and Eleazar got off lightly and it just showed that Carlisle's summation of Jasper's character had been wrong. He wasn't a bloodthirsty monster who was barely holding it together. Jasper was far from that and I was sure he and Bella would be the perfect couple.

Aro sat back and nodded for Phoebe to leave the room, waiting until she had done so before speaking again.

"I think that went better than should have been expected. You owe both Jasper and Bella an apology, Carlisle."

I knew Carlisle held a different opinion but he held himself back from expressing it which was just as well. It was almost as if Aro was baiting Carlisle, trying to make him say something that could be used against him. I felt a little sorry for Carlisle but there was something else that concerned me more.

"Esme, is there something bothering you?"

I started to shake my head and then changed my mind, "Actually yes, there is."

Aro waved his hand, "Please, go ahead."

I turned to Carlisle, "Who was Lucy and what happened?"

He frowned, "Lucy?"

My suspicion deepened, I always knew when my husband was lying to me or prevaricating.

"Yes, Bella mentioned the name. She said you killed her to save Edward. I'd like to hear the complete story. After all, we said no more secrets."

Carlisle squirmed uncomfortably but both Aro and I were staring expectantly at him.

Sighing heavily he looked at a spot over my head.

"As you are now aware my job was to find gifts for Aro, well Lucy was one of them."

"But you never sent her here, Carlisle."

Carlisle's voice was flat and hard, "No, I didn't, Aro."

I wasn't interested in that, "I'd like to know why she had to die, Carlisle. Bella said you killed her to save Edward."

"I really don't think it matters, Esme. It was a very long time ago."

"It matters to me."

I pulled my hand free and stared closely into his face. The more he tried to make light of the incident the more suspicious I became.

"I think you should answer your wife, Carlisle. It is quite obvious that it means a lot to her."

Carlisle pushed his chair back irritably, "For God's sake! Lucy fell in love with Edward and her father discovered that he was a vampire. He tried to stop Lucy from going with Edward. He threatened us with a flame thrower and I couldn't get to Edward so I threw Lucy between us. She died, end of story."

I was horrified at the matter of fact way he spoke about the death of an innocent young girl. There was no remorse in his tone, just impatience at having been forced to tell the truth.

"Don't look at me like that. What was I supposed to do? Let the man incinerate Edward?"

"No. I guess not, but don't you feel anything for the girl and her father? Doesn't it concern you the suffering you put that man through?"

"I had to make a choice. I didn't have time to think about it. I saved my son, just as you would have done in my place."

I felt sick, this wasn't the Carlisle I knew and loved. This man had no compassion, no thought for anyone else.

"It would appear your mask has slipped Carlisle. I did warn you that it would. I'm sorry my dear. I know how much you admired your husband's compassion and all he has done for the humans around him. The truth is that Carlisle is a vampire first and for Edward, I don't think there was anything he wouldn't have done. As we are in the truth-telling mood I must admit I was initially surprised when he chose Edward to go to Denali. Putting his favorite in danger isn't something I was expecting of him. It's rather refreshing to find I can still be so wrong."

I got up and made for the door. "I need some air."

Carlisle stood, "I'll go with you."

"NO", my voice was louder than normal, "I want to be alone for a while."

"Take your time, Esme and if you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask. Carlisle can stay here with me."

I fled before I said something I might live to regret.

Aro

I motioned for Carlisle to retake his seat amused to see the anger flashing in his eyes.

"Well, that was a rather dramatic scene."

"You engineered this didn't you, Aro?"

I raised an eyebrow in query, "And how pray did I do that? I had no idea what Bella would say to Edward. Nor did I know what Esme would ask or how you would answer her. I admit to being clever but even I am not omnipotent.

I admit I think you could have handled the subject more carefully. It would appear you have diminished yourself in Esme's eyes. Perhaps it would have been better if you hadn't kept secrets from her in the first place. She wouldn't have put you on a pedestal, the same one which seems to be tottering at the moment."

"Why, Aro? What do you hope to gain from putting a wedge between Esme and me?"

"I have nothing to gain, Carlisle. On the other hand, it appears that you have a lot to lose. Both Edward and Esme are seeing a new side to you. Do you think they will be able to overcome their shock and disappointment? I found it difficult to do so and we have been close for centuries."

"So that's it? You're punishing me for betraying you?"

"Betraying? I think that's rather a strong word. Let's just say I was disappointed and hurt by your choices of late. Still, I hardly think you can blame me for what has happened recently. That is all your doing my friend."

Carlisle got up and stalked to the door before turning to stare at me, eyes blazing with anger, "This isn't over, Aro."

"No, I don't think it is, but you'd be wise to remember that I may be the only friend you have left."

He left slamming the door as he did so and I sat back smiling. Poor Carlisle, would he be capable of extricating himself from the extremely deep hole he had dug. I certainly hoped so but it would be wise to watch him. Men can do foolish things when they feel wronged and I would hate to be forced into more permanent actions.

Carlisle

I went looking for Esme, trying to clear my head as I did so. I hadn't felt this angry in a very long time and it unsettled me. As I thought back over the last couple of hours I realized that although Aro had facilitated the position I was now in, he was right in saying that I had been the architect of my own destruction.

All I had were Esme, Edward, and Aro and now Edward resented my choice of putting Esme first and Esme was disturbed by actions that had taken place a long time ago.

One way or another I had to make my peace with the two former or I would be left with just the latter. Aro would never desert me but I knew he thought less of me than he had before this debacle. The thought of being deserted here in Volterra with no family frightened me. I had to make this right, and quickly.

I eventually found Esme sitting in a window embrasure in the wives tower, however, she wasn't alone.

Athenadora saw me approach and got up but Esme took her hand, "I'll be up soon. Thank you, Athena."

Caius' widow looked at me scornfully before gliding up the stairs towards her suite without saying a word.

I took her seat beside Esme and reached out to take her hand but she withdrew it and continued to stare out across the sunlit countryside.

"Esme, I'm sorry. I should have told you everything at the beginning but you were so distraught and confused I didn't think you could cope with anything else."

Her head whipped around and she glared at me.

"Really? You're going to blame it all on my mental state? How gallant of you."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just...well, as you adapted to our world I just wanted you to be happy. I didn't want to complicate things by telling you about my relationship with the Volturi."

"You didn't want me to know you still worked for Aro? That you trapped gifted humans and handed them over like an offering?"

"Most of them weren't humans."

She threw her head back and laughed, a brittle shrill sound in the silence.

"Is that supposed to make things better? Human or vampire, you had no right to make them slaves to the Volturi."

"Slaves? That's a little melodramatic don't you think?"

"Is it?"

"Yes. One reason I did it was to keep us safe. Aro was looking for a gift that could have wiped us out. I was protecting my family, protecting you."

"So you killed Lucy to protect me? And I suppose that Eleazar betrayed Jasper to save us all? Please, Carlisle, you'll have to do better than that. And when you did find this destructive gift you let it slip through your fingers. What does that say?"

I frowned, not understanding her question.

She sighed heavily, "Well, you weren't worried about protecting me or our family when you let Edward spirit Bella away, were you?"

I rolled my eyes, "Is this about us or Edward?"

"Both, you fool. You trusted Edward with your little secret. You put the rest of us in danger to save his feelings. You killed a young woman who was in love with him in order to protect him. I'm amazed you didn't choose to send me to Denali to keep your precious Edward safe. Why didn't you? I mean why did you choose me to keep safe?"

"This is ridiculous. I love you, Esme, I always did, from the moment I first saw you but I have an obligation to look after Edward. He's like a son to me and I made a promise to his mother. It wasn't easy…"

She stood up, "No, I can see that. I can also see that I've wasted years loving and admiring a shade. I could have coped with the truth. I would have loved you despite everything if you'd been honest with me from the start. As it is, I've lost my family, my home, and my freedom for you and still, I don't know if that's all you've kept from me. I can't trust you, Carlisle, and I can't live with someone I have no confidence in. You've hurt me."

I lost my temper "No. The bestial human you were married to is the one who hurt you. He beat you, he put you in the hospital. Not me. I saved you. I gave you anything you ever wanted. Me, not him!"

"Charles may have hurt me physically but you broke my heart and that's far worse. I wish you'd let me die, Carlisle. I won't let you do it again. It's over, finished."

I grabbed her by the upper arms and spun her around to face me again, "No. Listen to me, Esme. I love you. You are my life and I can't go on without you."

She wrenched herself free of my grasp, "Don't ever grab me like that again, Carlisle Cullen. Go find your precious son. Who knows, the two of you may be the only two who do love each other. I will not play second fiddle to anyone, especially not that egotistical child."

She swept up the stairs and I stood gazing after her in amazement. I had never seen Esme lose her temper before, not to that degree, and it scared me. The thought of losing her frightened me more and I started after her but she turned on me and suddenly I didn't recognize the eyes that stared back at me.

"Go now, Carlisle, before you force me to do something I don't want to. I'm moving in with Athena for now and as soon as I get things sorted I'll be asking Aro to let me leave. He's your friend and he values your company, not me."

"Where will you go? You don't have anyone but me. This is ridiculous, we can talk it over. There is no reason for you to act so dramatically, you're becoming hysterical."

She didn't answer me, just snorted and ran up to Athena's suite disappearing through the door and shut it with a sound of finality.

I trudged slowly back to the main building and made my way to our suite which seemed cold and empty without Esme's presence. All her things were still here scattered around. Her clothes, perfume, and books. One had been left open on the coffee table on the balcony waiting for her return. Her brush lay on the countertop in the bathroom and I picked it up twirling a few strands of her dark hair between my fingers.

A few hours ago Esme and I had been walking in the courtyard talking of the future. What had happened to change things so completely? My life had been turned on its head and I felt alone and depressed.

I knew I would have to approach Esme again when she calmed down. I was sure she would understand how much she was throwing away. I would be gracious, I would forget her outburst and treat her like spun glass. She loved me, she always had and always would. I just needed to give her some time and space.

I guess I was being impatient as I sat brooding and waited for her to come back. Even if she was still angry she would come for her things allowing me to talk her round.

Finally, I heard someone approach and opened the door trying to look contrite and genuinely pleased to see her back. However, it wasn't her. Chelsea stood there, her arm raised to knock on the door.

"Carlisle. I've come to pick up some of Esme's things."

"Why didn't she come herself?"

"I don't know. She asked me to help her out. I didn't ask questions."

I stood blocking the doorway, "If Esme wants her things she can come to get them herself. This is stupid, she's acting like a child."

Chelsea stood looking at me then shrugged and walked away.

"You tell her I want to talk to her. She can come herself, I'll be waiting."

I waited all night but Esme never came and as the sun rose once more I went back to the tower to confront her.

Athena answered my knock and waited, "Yes?"

"I'd like to speak to my wife."

"She's not here."

I rolled my eyes and pushed past her into the suite looking for Esme. It didn't take long to see Athena had been telling the truth.

"Where is she? Hiding from me?"

"I don't know. She went to see Aro last night. I haven't seen her since."

Seething I went to see Aro knocking and entering his study without waiting to be invited in. A lack of courtesy I knew I would pay for in the future but for now, I didn't care.

He sat at his desk looking over some documents with Marcus and looked up frowning.

"Carlisle? I see you've forgotten your manners. I'm rather busy right now."

"Where's Esme? I know she came to see you last night."

He exchanged a glance with Marcus, "Yes she did. I don't know where she is right now. I take it she didn't speak to you again?"

Marcus stood up towering over Aro who was still seated and answered my question.

"Esme left the citadel last night. We didn't ask where she was going and she didn't offer that information. I believe she will arrange to have her belongings sent on once she arrives at her destination."

.

"I don't believe you, someone must know where she went."

Marcus seemed to grow even taller, "Are you calling me a liar, Carlisle?"

I shook my head, feeling suddenly very intimidated, "No, I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm very worried about her."

"I fear it's a little late for that. She also asked for the address of a lawyer."

A lawyer? Was she thinking about a divorce?

"I must go after her."

Aro held up a hand, "Esme doesn't want to see you, Carlisle. I would have thought that much was obvious to you. Besides, you have meetings all week with the accountants and police."

"That's not important. I need to speak to Esme."

"I'm sorry Carlile, she was very clear about not wanting to see you. I fear if you went looking for her that you might actually find her and that could be dangerous in her present mood. Let her calm down, she'll contact you then I'm sure. In the meantime please close the door on your way out."

I was being dismissed!

I headed for our suite to pack a bag. Permission or not, I was going to look for Esme.

Unfortunately, Aro had anticipated my intentions and I found Felix waiting there.

"Aro thought you might need some company, Carlisle. Just for a few days. I'll be driving you to Pisa and until then I'll be around should you need anything."

In other words, I was under his control and not free to do what I wanted. For now, Esme was free to go her own way. I would have to be patient a little while longer.

I couldn't believe how my life had imploded so quickly. Had I made the wrong choice? Poor Edward was suffering, feeling I had abandoned him and struggling with the loss of his gift while Esme was sulking because I had kept a few things from her. It was stupid, plain stupid! Was I the only sane one in a suddenly crazy world?