Chapter Twenty Two: Facing Fear

The next morning they had breakfast in the taproom of the tavern and, while they were eating, questioned the barman on the red eyed spirit that was said to live in the forest. They tried to make it sound like they didn't really believe any of it - that it was just a bit of fun; a local legend; a bit of rustic folklore that they found interesting and charming.

But they noticed how wary the barman became as he spoke of what he knew.

'It has been there many years,' the barman said.

'Hundreds of years?' Remus asked - as if he didn't know the answer.

'No, no - perhaps ten. Perhaps a little longer. It came one night … and the forest has not been safe since. We fear to go there.'

'Why?' Sirius asked, 'why isn't it safe?'

The barman looked around the room, his eyes darted about - as if he was checking who was listening … or looking for an escape. 'My brother went there, years ago now … He is not the same man he was. He has never recovered.'

'What happened to him?'

'He said the place was unnaturally dark. The trees, the grass - all dead. As if something evil was leeching the life from the forest. But he worked in there - he is tree doctor - he was sent in to save the dying trees. But while he was looking at them he felt something … cold. A shadow. A presence.'

The barman shrugged. 'At first he ignore it - he had job to do. But it grew closer - he felt all the shivers down his spine … and then he heard … a whisper.'

'What did it say?' Remus asked.

'He has never told me. Just - that it was evil things. Things in his head that he did not want to think, did not want to know. And all he wanted was to get as far away from that spot as possible. But he found he was rooted there - rooted by fear. And then he saw it…'

They both leaned forward expectantly.

'Just out of the corner of his eye - there and then gone. A wisp, like smoke … and he knew he was not imagining it. And he saw red eyes - gleaming from the shadows and then ... spiders.'

'Spiders?' Remus said blankly.

'Hundreds of them - as large as horses, running straight for him. Now you have to understand, my brother has always hated spiders. He is terribly afraid of them - even tiny ones - and these were bigger than a man. He fled then - did not look back - and has never returned to the forest since.'

Sirius was frowning. 'Do you think there are acromantula in the forest?' he asked Remus.

Remus shook his head, 'I don't know.' He looked at the barman, 'has anyone else ever seen giant spiders there?'

The barman shook his head. 'No, though many people have gone. They all report something different. The priest saw a legion of devils dancing around the flames of a red, hot fire. One lady saw rotting bodies stumbling towards her - corpses come to life, spring from the earth. Another man saw the ground writhe with snakes, and yet another saw it come to life with rats…'

'A boggart infestation in the woods?' Sirius said frowning.

'Muggles can't normally see boggarts,' Remus shook his head. 'My mum was unusual because she could.'

'Really? Could she see dementors?'

'I don't know - I hope she never had reason to be near one.'

The barman did not understand this conversation - but he knew well enough what the cause of the manifestations was. 'It is the spirit,' he told them. 'It looks inside a man's mind, finds his worst fear and then brings it to life. It has the power to make that which you are most afraid of appear right before your eyes. He makes it real, makes it flesh. It is a creature of evil. It is a place of evil. You should not go there.'

But of course, they had no choice. This was exactly where they had travelled across half of Europe to be. They thanked the man, paid the bill and left - travelling on foot towards the edge of Voldemort's forest.

...

There was another tavern right on the edge of the treeline, one last building, one last sign of civilisation, before nothing but dense and ancient forests for miles and miles. Having walked all morning, they stopped off there for lunch - and to see if they could pick up any more rumours.

'Are you English?' the waiter asked them as he served them plates of baked chicken smothered in yoghurt. They had ordered a brown fizzy drink that muggles all seemed to drink to go with it. Coca cola it was called. They had something similar back in Bosnia - only that was called Pepsi - and they spent some time arguing about whether it was the same drink or not.

They admitted to their Englishness and the waiter seemed to think this was a great coincidence. 'I had another English person in here just last night. Didn't seem sure where she was - but then she met a friend and went for a walk. I had no idea the English were so interested in Albania.'

'It does seem the place to be this summer,' Sirius said mildly.

The waiter gave a proud smile, 'well it is a very beautiful country.'

'Yes, especially the forest,' Remus agreed, he lowered his voice - as if being conspiratorial. 'But we heard there was something in there - something dark?'

The smile drained from the waiter's face. 'There is evil in that forest,' he said bluntly. 'It was not always so - when I was a boy, I used to play in there but now … now I will not go, though once I knew it like the back of my hand.'

'Where is it?' Sirius asked, 'the evil?'

'About ten miles north of here, as you travel it gets darker, the trees are bare, the grass is brown and dying. There are no flowers, no birds, no insects. It is as if nature itself is afraid to go there. And then you reach the graveyard.'

'The graveyard?'

'A clearing filled with the bones of animals. Rats mostly - and snakes too. Once you reach the graveyard, you know you are close. The spirit will find you.'

'What does it look like?' Remus asked.

'It has no form - it is like a breath of wind. But it has eyes; red, glowing eyes that see through to your soul - that hiss things you do not want to hear. That makes you see things you are most afraid to see… There are those who have lost their minds in these woods.'

He left them alone - and they ate their meal in virtual silence. 'So - I supposed we're getting close now,' Sirius said in the end.

'Ten miles. We can be there by evening.'

'And he'll be there?'

'Peter? Or Voldemort?'

'Either. Both?'

'We might yet have beaten Peter. We might have to wait for him to show,' Remus said.

'Will that be safe? Voldemort is bound to recognise that we're not muggles. If he makes them see their worst fears - what will he do to us?'

'I don't see that we have a choice. We have one advantage over the muggles though. We know that whatever he is conjuring is not real. We know he is just making us see things - just trying to frighten us. We can stand our ground. Until Peter gets there and then …' He thought about the end of the sentence - thought how it might end in him having to murder yet another man - and trailed off.

'I only ever saw him once. Voldemort,' Sirius said. 'Do you remember - in our third year? He was just rising to power then - and he came to the school. Just before Christmas. We barely knew who he was - but we saw him, he was leaving the castle … we hid behind a suit of armour.'

'I remember. His face looked like it had melted … and then, that Spring, the Death Eaters did their first mass muggle killing. We knew who he was after that.'

'Did you ever see him again?'

'No - I spent most of the war with the wolf packs. You can imagine, we were not exactly allowed to stand in his presence. Only Greyback ever saw him … and then I doubt he got a one on one audience.'

'I never saw him again either. I chased down loads of Death Eaters, stopped them torturing muggles a few times … but never saw him.'

'I don't think by that time he was doing much of his own dirty work. He was a general, the Death Eaters were his foot soldiers. And as foot soldiers for the other side, we only ever saw our equal and opposite numbers.'

'James and Lily saw him,' Sirius said. 'I mean - before … well - you know. They escaped from him a couple of times. Near misses every time.'

'Yes - well he was unusually interested in them, wasn't he? But we were nobodies. Far too lowly for him to notice us. Especially me… and now he must be unusually interested in Harry - in James and Lily's place.'

'And we're the nobodies that are going to protect him and stop Voldemort once and for all.'

'Yes,' Remus nodded slowly. 'The major advantage to being so insignificant that nobody ever notices you is that … nobody ever notices you. It gives you a lot of freedom to get things done right under people's noses.'

'I learned that the hard way … with Peter.' His voice was dark.

But Remus gave him a comforting smile. 'We won't make the same mistake again.'

...

Entering the woods was like entering a strange, underwater world. Everything was dark and gloomy - and eerily quiet. Birdsong and the chirruping of crickets - such as it was - was subdued and seldom heard, as if only the bravest of their kind still ventured there … and even they weren't too happy about it. The wild flowers wilted in the drooping grass, their colours muted and fading. The muggle barman had been right when he said it was like something was leeching the life from the earth.

Even the sun seemed to be weaker - a pale lemon colour whose light struggled to pierce through the creeping dark. It seemed to cast little heat, and though there was no breath of wind, the stillness of the forest was cold.

The boys carried their wands out ready as they walked - raised and the tips lighted. They mostly walked in silence, there was a funereal quality to the woods and somehow chatter would seem out of place.

The further they travelled, the darker and quieter the forest became. The cold began to nip at them - and there was something sinister in the staleness of the air. A few miles further in and they noticed that the trees no longer looked right. They were decayed, diseased - the leaves mottled and the bark peeling off in large strips, the remains of it rotting on the ground. A few miles more and the trees were now bare and the trunks bore signs of unnatural malady - they bulged and bumped, like leprous sores - and stinking, green ooze wept from cracks in their skin.

Just as the sun was setting, Remus put his foot down and heard a very definite crunch. They came to a stop and pointed their wands at the ground, so the lights of the tips could shine down on whatever had just cracked. It was a tiny, rodent skull. They lifted their wands again - letting them shine ahead … and saw that the forest floor ahead of them was now devoid of all grass, flowers, all life - but carpeted in death. The skeletons of rats and voles and even snakes spread as far as they could see. A graveyard of animals.

'This must be it,' Sirius said, he kept his voice low. This place seemed to demand silence … and neither of them were eager to alert the red eyed spirit to their presence through needless noise. 'The graveyard of animal bones, this is where Voldemort is lurking.'

They both looked around, sharp and tense - and wary for any signs of what remained of the Dark Lord. Remus felt every hair on the back of his neck stand up - and a prickle of fear ran down his spine. 'Can you see him, can you feel him?'

'No - not yet … but it's just a matter of time.'

'What do we do? I-' he licked his lips nervously, his mouth was suddenly dry. 'I suppose I didn't really pay proper attention to what the muggles were telling us about this place - thought that because we were magic … I'm not sure what I thought. But I don't want to stay here and wait for Peter to show.'

'But Voldemort can't hurt us - can he? He's just a spirit - a shadow...' Sirius shuddered uneasily. 'This place is … it's like nothing I've ever seen. But it's perfectly safe.'

'He can make us see things,' Remus reminded him.

'But those things aren't real. We just need to grit our teeth and ignore them.'

'He'll talk to us - whisper things inside our heads.'

'We just need to ignore that too…' Though he still looked deeply unsettled. 'Merlin, but I hope Peter is somewhere close by.'

'Shall we - shall we look around? Look for him?'

Whether it was a genuine eagerness to find Peter, or just a desire not to stay still - stay standing in this place of death where Voldemort could find them - Remus wasn't sure - but Sirius agreed to his plan very quickly.

He kept his wand raised in one hand, but used his other to grip Remus' arm very tightly. 'Come on, then,' he muttered. 'Let's keep moving. We'll circle around this spot - he can't be far.'

'If he's here yet.'

'Merlin, I hope he's here yet.'

They crunched their way slowly and carefully across the boneyard, alert for any noise, any shadow, any whisper of evil on the air, or glint of red eyes in the gloom. The sun sank lower in the sky and the sky itself grew dark.

'What were we thinking, getting here at sunset?' Sirius hissed.

Remus swallowed, 'we were thinking we had an important job to do - an entire world to save - and we could not let fear of the dark prevent us from getting it done…' But every hair still stood to attention on the back of his neck, every nerve ending screamed out warnings to him - yelling at him to run as far and as fast as he could. Only he couldn't do that...

'Peter must be mental to come here alone,' Sirius said.

'He had nowhere else to go.'

'What? You think he's more afraid of us than he is of this place?'

'I think he was more afraid of death, in the moment, than he was of what was lurking at the other end of the continent. He may well have changed his mind now.'

'It might even be easy to convince him to come with us. I'd do anything to get out of here.'

'He's facing Azkaban if we take him alive.'

Sirius looked around. 'This place is worse than Azkaban.'

'Is it?'

'Well - maybe not. But Azkaban is a long way away. Less immediate… and certainly this place is no better.'

They reached the edge of the field of bones … Although they still crunched the occasional skeleton, they were fewer on the ground … they kept walking - there were even some plants starting to grow. 'We don't want to go too far…' Remus said.

But Sirius suddenly gripped his arm even tighter and dragged him to a stand still. 'Shh - do you hear that?'

'What?'

'Something's moving out there. Something big.'

'It can't be an animal. Nothing would come this close.'

'No.'

'So it must be…'

They crept forward, their wands still raised. Sirius was clinging to Remus' arms so tightly now it was painful. And every instinct Remus had was telling him to run away - to get as far away from this place as possible and never come back … But he kept on creeping forward, ignoring his fear, forcing himself to put one foot in front of the other and keep on following the sound of movement that was just out of sight.

Eventually they came to a clearing, a glade where the diseased trees circled a bare patch of ground. Where weeds straggled and struggled for survival - but little else grew there. And that was where they saw him.

A hunched figure was moving through the clearing - on its hands and knees - picking at the weeds. 'Master,' the figure whispered, 'there is not enough, the ground is dead.'

'Fool,' a voice like an icy blast of wind answered. They could not see who spoke. 'There must be enough. I see your mind, Peter Pettigrew - I know you are already looking to leave me. Already you are regretting your return to my side.'

'No, no,' the figure - Peter - cringed backwards, 'My Lord, never. I am loyal. But we must have plockweed for the ritual - and the ground here is so barren. If you could but let me travel further away - let me find more… Otherwise, otherwise I cannot do as you ask of me.' He hunched further over, sinking into a bow so low that his pointed nose almost touched the soil.

'Very well,' the cold, high pitched voice replied. 'But you will take Nagini. I will not let a servant out of my sight - not when I have waited so long for one to return to me.'

'My Lord,' Peter bowed again, and struggled to his feet and then half stumbled - half ran out of the clearing. There was a rustle down by the boys' feet - and they stared as a massive snake slithered right past them, its body coiling and uncoiling as it followed Peter deeper into the trees.

They looked at each other, peering through the darkness to see each other's pale and frightened faces. Sirius gave Remus a questioning look- and Remus nodded and, still clinging together, they followed Peter and the snake. They kept to the trees though, did not go through the clearing, did not go any nearer to that shrill, disembodied voice than they had to. They knew who that was … and even though he was nothing more than the meanest ghost, they still did not want to be anywhere near him.

They followed the rustling sound of the snake and the blundering sounds of Peter for perhaps half a mile - and then suddenly they came to a stop. Peter was on the ground again, pulling up weeds, while the snake circled him - slithering in a wide circumference.

The two of them exchanged another glance - nodded - and then, when the snake was at its most distant point, they stepped out of the shadows - wands trained on Peter.

'Hello, Peter,' Remus said.

Peter gave a little shriek and tumbled to the ground. He sat up, shaking. 'Re-Remus, Si -Sirius… what are you doing here?'

'Harry told you if you tried to escape he'd let us kill you,' Sirius snarled. 'Well - you tried to escape.'

Peter gave another shriek and began to wring his hands. There was a rustling through the grass - and the snake slunk off. They ignored it. Remus threw his arm out and gave Sirius a warning glance. 'You have a choice, Peter,' he said. 'We can kill you now - and take your body back to the authorities … or you can come quietly.'

'Remus,' he struggled to his knees - and knelt there cringing. 'You surely can't believe…'

'We have seen you with Voldemort.'

Peter shuddered at the name of his master.

'You cannot sit there and still claim innocence. Yes - I believe you are the servant of Voldemort, yes I believe you have come here to help him rise again and yes - Sirius and I are going to stop you.'

'So what'll it be, Peter?' Sirius asked him. 'Death or Azkaban?'

'No please … please…' he cringed again. He wrung his hands and wept.

'Enough of this,' Sirius said, impatiently. 'Incarcero.' Ropes flew from the tip of his wand and bound Peter hand and foot - who shrieked once more and toppled over, struggling against his bonds. The two of them walked over to him, wands still pointed.

'Don't even think about transforming,' Remus said to him.

'No - no please …' he cringed and wept and shuddered… and then there was a rustle in the grass again, a hiss, a slither … and the snake returned.

And Peter's tears dried instantly - as if they had never been real at all - and he began to laugh. 'You idiots,' he said to them - he leered up at them from the ground, grinning. 'Look at you, standing there together - thinking you're still the biggest bullies in the playground, still the kings of Hogwarts; hexing your classmates for fun - thinking you're big men because you whip your wands out faster than anyone else. You're nothing. You were always nothing - it just took me too long to see that. My master is here. He will not let you take his devoted servant. He is greater and more powerful than you could ever dream of - and you will not stand against him.'

'Your master is a broken down wreck of a man. He hasn't even got a body,' Sirius snarled. 'He's nothing. Anyone who needs someone as worthless as you is less than nothing. He can't hurt us, he can't stop us.'

'Dear me,' the voice like an icy blast of wind cut through the air. They both jumped and looked around - catching sight of a fleeting shadow - and red eyes - there and then gone in an instant. 'Is that what you think of me?'

'You can't frighten us, Voldemort,' Sirius said loudly, 'and you can't stop us.'

'You dare say my name?'

'We're not afraid of you.'

'No - I see that is true …' The voice came louder and then quieter, as if he was moving closer and then further away, there and then gone. 'I see your hearts - beating for each other. I see you are sentimental fools who believe in love and good and evil. Champions of that muggle lover, Dumbledore. I see you care nothing for power or personal glory … I see I can get no foothold in your soul, Sirius Black - not when you have already given it over so completely to another. I see you have no fear of me … But I can see what it is you fear, Remus Lupin.'

And suddenly the voice was hissing right in Remus' ear.

'Don't listen to him, Moony,' Sirius said, his voice was sharp. 'Remember - it's not real.'

Down on the ground, Peter was still laughing - and then there was a loud cracking noise and he vanished from his bonds … a pink tail like a worm whipped past the light of their wands for a moment and then disappeared into the long grass.

'Damn - he got away. We need to find him...'

But Remus was still frozen to the spot. The voice was still talking to him.

'I see what you're afraid of,' the voice hissed. 'I see the darkest fear of your heart. You do not fear me but - oh how you are afraid of yourself … You're a killer, Remus Lupin. You have taken a life. You have a taste for it now.'

'No- ' he said.

'Remus we need to find him,' Sirius was sounding angry, his wand was raised high over his head and he was looking around, searching for any sign of Wormtail.

'Oh but you do. You're a monster, Remus Lupin - and that monster has always been so close, under the skin of the man. And now the line has blurred… and you are afraid, so terribly afraid that you can no longer keep them separate. That it will not just be the moon that brings the darkness out in you. The animal has taken hold, got a taste for blood and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.'

'That's not true-' Remus said. Though he could not move, could not make himself stop listening to this cold, high pitched voice that was saying the things he would never admit - not even to himself - and never out loud.

'Moony, ignore him. Help me look for Peter.'

'Moony - yes - they call you after your worst fear. Your friends, they name you for the animal you are. You want him to love you, Moony - don't you? Oh that is your greatest, most secret, most dark desire of your heart … But you know he could never love a monster. And you know what you are … and you know it is getting stronger. Ever since you killed … Ionut. You killed a man and you will kill more, and you will enjoy it - because the beast is just beneath your skin - ready to come out at any moment. I can show you.'

'Don't listen to him!'

'Let me show you - look.' And suddenly the clouds parted in the sky and the moon was clearly visible - a thin crescent … but as Remus stared up at it, it started to grow - getting fatter and fatter, rounder and rounder, filling out.

'It isn't real, Moony - it's a trick. It can't hurt you.'

But Remus kept on staring upwards, unable to look away. And slowly the moon became a full circle, hovering right above him.

'It isn't real - it can't affect you. You can fight this, Moony, you're not a monster!'

'You can't fight this,' the voice hissed in his ear. 'This is what you are - what you have always been. You cannot fight your nature.'

'No!'

But Remus stared up at the full moon, and felt his limbs freeze in place - and begin to tremble as the bones beneath changed shape.

'Remus, no!'

But his hands were curling into paws and fur was sprouting on the back of them. His face was elongating … and he was beginning to snarl and growl.

The last thing he heard, as his human mind lost the struggle and gave up its consciousness to the wolf, was Sirius yelling at him: 'Remus - it isn't really a full moon. You can fight this. You're not a monster. You don't have to change - I do love you!'

And then there was the sound of a triumphant, cold, high pitched laugh. The man was lost … and the wolf reared up, snapping its jaws. It threw back its head, howled at the false moon - and then tore off into the trees.