Chapter Twenty Five: The Rightness of Being Wrong

They were still partially frozen when they landed; their stiff bodies slammed down on the pavement - which would have caused them to cry out in pain, except they could not yet speak. Sirius used the slight feeling in his left arm to squeeze Remus reassuringly … and then they lay there, waiting for Voldemort's body-bind curse to fully wear off.

It was a few minutes before they were completely able to move freely again, and they sat up groaning and rubbing their backs, which had felt the full force of impact as they landed. 'Thanks, Sirius, I thought we were done for.'

'Nah - the Ministry are totally incompetent.'

'We left the case behind.'

'Yes - so it's imperative you don't transform unexpectedly again - because we don't have replacement clothes any more. Not that I would be complaining in those circumstances, of course…' He grinned flirtatiously and leaned in for a swift kiss. 'But you get very whiny about being naked in public.'

'I don't whine,' Remus replied calmly. He took hold of Sirius' hand and leaned in for another kiss. 'Anyway - it's not just the clothes. It's the map and the money.'

'We can get another map. We can get more money.'

'It's the stash of teabags.'

'Damn!' He gave his bark of laughter. 'That's it! we're not continuing without teabags - let's go home.'

Remus laughed as well … until his brow furrowed and he actually thought about the problems they were now facing. 'Where are we going to go now? What do we do - we've failed. Voldemort has a body…'

'Not much of one. I didn't get a good look at it - did you?'

'No - it was too wrapped up in the cloths. I just saw the wand. But we can extrapolate that he has a hand, if he can hold a wand.'

'And a mouth if he can talk. But he can't walk. And he's about the size of a newborn baby … Whatever shape he's in right now, this isn't his final form. He hasn't risen again. Not properly. We haven't failed yet. We just need to find them.'

'They'll be going home, won't they?' Remus asked, 'back to Britain. That's where his followers are - that's where he wants to take over.'

'Which works out well for us - what with the teabag shortage and all.'

Remus gave him a shove. 'This is serious.'

'And I am being deadly serious. Look, it's better than you think. The Ministry think we went to that forest to help Voldemort rise. They think we failed and Voldemort is still there … therefore they think we'll be sticking around. The last place anyone is going to look for us is back in England. We'll practically be free men once we're home. And - there is no way Peter can apparate home, not while he's carrying Voldemort in that weak form - and not with the snake. They're going to have to walk all the way back. And he can't even travel as a rat, and he doesn't want to be seen - so they'll have to go carefully, travel at night … where as we…'

'Can apparate back home in a couple of days.'

'Exactly,' Sirius nodded. 'We can be back there waiting for them when they turn up. We can ambush them.'

Remus nodded. 'Well, that might be easier said than done. Britain might not be the biggest country in the world, but it's still pretty big when we have no idea whereabouts he might go.'

'Come on,' Sirius got to his feet and held out his hand to pull Remus up, 'we'll worry about that once we're home. First, let's figure out where we are and which direction we need to head in.'

...

It turned out Sirius had managed to apparate them south to Tirana, the capital of Albania, and - using their now perfected move of "borrowing" a muggle's money and using the gemino charm on it - they replaced the cash they had lost along with the case, at least enough to buy them a new map and cup of coffee. It wasn't a magical map of Europe, of course, but that did not matter - they were not planning to stop off at any all-wizarding towns on the way home, they just wanted to get home quickly. But, eager to avoid another splinching, they would be travelling in shorter stages than was strictly necessary.

They examined the map as they sat at the pavement cafe and began to trace out a route for themselves. Remus was not keen to return to Montenegro - and the scene of his crime. And neither of them were anxious to travel across war torn Bosnia again.

'Look,' Sirius tapped the map, if we apparate further south, down to this bit of coastline - he indicated a small stretch of land that stuck out further than the rest of the country, 'then it should only be a small hop across the water to Otranto - in the south of Italy.'

'The last hop across the water we tried, we ended up very much in the water.'

'We'll be more careful this time, we won't be under pressure. It's the closest point between the two countries - I think we can make it. And then we can just travel up through Italy...' He looked thoughtful for a moment. 'I liked Italy. It was romantic.'

'So you said,' Remus said, sounding amused.

Sirius leaned across the table and kissed him, 'and now you know why. And it had nothing to do with Mary Bloody McDonald. So - as we'll have time, we could stop off a few places, you know.'

'What do you mean?'

'Just - you know,' he shrugged, 'like Rome - or Venice…'

'We're hunting down a dark wizard, not going on a honeymoon.'

'We'll be travelling much faster than Peter and Voldemort and the snake. I don't see why we can't do both. This adventure has been nothing but a pain in the backside…'

'That's because that's what adventures are - and I told you not to call it that…'

'But we could still salvage something of it. Turn it into a bit of a holiday,' Sirius finished up, as if he hadn't been interrupted.

'I'm not sure that's wise … we should stay focused …'

But Sirius' voice became wheedling. 'I spent twelve years in prison, Moony,' he said. 'Unable to think happy thoughts, staring at the same four walls … don't you think I deserve a weekend in the Eternal City, with my boyfriend?'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Is this going to be a thing going forward? Every time you have a ridiculous idea and I tell you "no", am I going to be met with "but twelve years in Azkaban, Moony, let me do what I want"? Because that's just emotional manipulation.'

'You want emotional manipulation?' His tone became even more wheedling, and his grin was mischievous, 'how about if I mention that for twelve years you believed everybody when they said that I was an insane mass murderer, so - when you think about, Moony - you really owe me…'

Remus tutted. 'Oh for Merlin's sake, when they came to arrest you, you stood there laughing your head off, like a maniac. What was I supposed to think?'

'That I was too handsome and noble to possibly be the spy?'

'What? You mean like you thought I was?'

'Oh throw that back in my face, why don't you?'

Remus grinned as well - and this time it was him that leaned over for a kiss. 'Two can play the emotional manipulation game. Don't even try me, Padfoot. I'll take you down.'

'I think I might enjoy that.'

Their kissing became more intense - though neither of them stopped grinning throughout. Remus brought his hand up and his fingers twined into Sirius' hair…

'Stop that - is disgusting. Leave now.'

They broke apart - and looked up in surprise at the angry muggle waiter standing over them.

'Er - what?'

'You leave. Now. You putting off other customers. Men kissing men. Is wrong. Disgusting.'

'Oh - er -' Remus blushed bright red.

'We're not hurting anyone!' Sirius said.

'God does not like it.'

Sirius looked around, up at the sky and all about the street, as if checking for something: 'God's not here.'

'He everywhere!'

'Come on,' Remus mumbled to Sirius, he could feel everyone's eyes on them - and couldn't believe they had been so stupidly wrapped up in each other that they would forget themselves so completely. 'Let's just go - it's not worth it.'

'Fine,' Sirius got to his feet and then glowered down at the waiter - who shrunk back a little - Sirius was very tall, and could look very intimidating when he chose to. 'But we're not paying.' And he walked off without a backwards glance.

Remus felt flustered - Sirius had the money and had left him behind. He looked between the waiter and Sirius' retreating back, 'er- sorry - ' he mumbled again, and scurried off after him - ignoring the cries of the waiter telling them to come back and pay their bill.

When he caught up with Sirius, Sirius reached out and took his hand … but Remus flushed again and pulled away. Sirius came to a stop and stared at him. 'What?'

'What do you mean?'

'Why did you just pull away?'

'I - er - ….' he looked down at his feet, miserably.

'Oh for Merlin's sake, Moony!' Sirius sounded exasperated. 'You're not going to back away from … us - after all these years, just because one muggle didn't like it?'

'No! No, of course I'm not backing away - I just …'

'Won't be seen with me in public.'

'That's ridiculous. We're standing in the middle of the street together.'

'We're not holding hands.'

'People don't like it!'

'Who cares what people think?' Sirius yelled so loudly passersby turned to look, but he ignored them. 'You can't live your whole life being held back by the opinions of other people.'

Remus flushed - and this time he felt a snap of anger, could hear it in his voice. 'Yes I can. I've lived that way my whole life. Not because I want to - but because other people have all the power to treat me badly and I have none. That might be your first time getting kicked out of somewhere, but it certainly isn't mine. I love you, Sirius, but if loving you is just one more thing for people to hold against me, then I want to love you in private - like I choose to keep my condition private.'

'You mean you're ashamed of me - of us - of how you feel?'

'Other people think it's something we should both be ashamed of. I shouldn't have to be ashamed of being a werewolf - other people make me ashamed.'

'Bollocks to other people!' Again, his volume turned heads.

'Is that your final word?' He ignored the stares of the muggles in the street and folded his arms across his chest. His voice was cold. 'And when exactly is it that you'll be telling Harry?'

It was Sirius' turn to flush bright red. 'Er - well -' he rubbed the back of his neck, 'he's only a kid - I mean … it wouldn't really be appropriate...'

'See? Don't take the moral high ground with me, Sirius. You're perfectly happy for us to be publicly together here - where no one knows us - where we don't understand half of what they say. Where we're here for a couple of hours and then move on and never look back.' He shook his head, 'but you're not going to be holding my hand in Diagon Alley - not now, not ever.'

'I -' his mouth fell open and he gaped for a moment, before recovering himself. 'That's not true. I'm not ashamed of how we feel.'

'Yes - alright. I'll believe that when we see it. Look - we can both agree, whether you want to admit it or not, that when we're home this will just be between us - when we're alone. So we might as well start living that way now.' He sighed. 'I don't want to fight. I do love you - but I don't like getting kicked out of places just for being myself. I've had too much experience of it. Come on - let's apparate to the coast. Let's get out of here.'

...

They successfully made it back across the Adriatic without falling in it this time. They apparated from a point just south of Vlore, in Albania, to Otranto in Italy - which formed the narrowest crossing of the sea. Otranto was at the very bottom of Italy's heel - and they apparated north to Altamura, and then north west to Naples.

...

Naples was a big enough city that they were safely hidden among hundreds of thousands of muggles, but where one or two wizards almost certainly lived - meaning their use of magic would not raise any red flags with the Italian Ministry or any other.

Having "borrowed" another handbag and geminoed a whole wodge of Lira, they got themselves a hotel room near the port. Once safely inside, Remus reached out for Sirius, pulling him closer to kiss him - but Sirius pulled away and sniffed disdainfully. Remus felt his heart sink. 'Sirius -'

'You're the one who backed away - not me.'

Remus tutted, shook his head and stalked off to the window to look out. Their room had a little balcony and he stepped out onto it - and stared in surprise at all the ocean liners parked at the end of the road. It was like they were cars … but they were massive ocean going, cruise ships - all lined up in the harbour. 'Sirius - come and look at this, it's weird!'

Still looking surly, Sirius stepped out onto the balcony … and his expression changed to mildly impressed, before shutting back down to surly almost immediately. 'Well, we're right by the port,' he shrugged.

'Yes - but there isn't a port. There's just the end of the road and then a bloody great ship.'

But Sirius only shrugged again and went back inside. Remus followed him. 'Oh, come on - you're the one that wanted to turn this … nightmare - into more of a holiday. You can't then just ignore all the amazing stuff we see.'

'I wanted a holiday with my boyfriend. Not someone who's too cowardly to be that.'

Remus flushed, 'that isn't fair.'

'Isn't it?'

'You don't understand! I just - I just cannot take any more hatred. I'm sorry - but I can't. I cannot bring myself to willingly hand more ammunition over to people who don't like me just for what I am. I am used to people's disgust - I do not want more of it. And I can't bear people being disgusted with me because of you.'

'But what does it matter?'

'It matters - when you live with it every day, your whole life, it matters. It gets in your head and you start to believe them - you start to see yourself differently. I've lived my whole life thinking loving you was wrong - that there was something wrong with me. Maybe there is - but it's wrong with you too, and that means we can be happy. But we can't be happy if people make us hate ourselves for what we're doing - and they will. I know they will because they have been doing it to me ever since I got bit. Nobody likes people who are different. But...' his tone of voice became wheedling, he climbed onto the bed beside where Sirius was propped against the pillows and took hold of his hand. Sirius didn't pull away - and he took that as a good sign. 'If we just keep it a secret, between us - a wonderful secret - then no one can tear us apart, or make us feel ashamed.'

'Nobody needs to make you feel ashamed, Remus - you're doing it all by yourself…' He relented - and leaned forward to kiss him. 'Fine, if you're not ready - we can keep it a secret for now. But this isn't forever. I'm not hiding away the best part of my life, I'm not living my whole life pretending to the world you're just a friend.' He kissed him again - and it was a fierce and angry kiss, ' you're more than that. So much more.'

'Am I - am I really your boyfriend ? Is that what we are?'

'Well, I don't know another word for it - do you?'

'No … but James was Lily's boyfriend. Boyfriends have girlfriends - not other boyfriends.'

Sirius shrugged, 'I never knew another wizard like us - never heard about one - did you?'

'No.'

'Then - in the absence of any other word for it, we can stick with the one we know.' He kissed him again, and this one was a little more friendly. 'Come on - we need to buy more clothes, since we lost the case. It's hot as hell, here - we'll start to stink if we don't have anything to change into.'

...

They spent two days in Naples - bought another suitcase and some muggles clothes (Remus had to take the lead on that, Sirius had never been allowed muggle clothes as a child and had spent the last 12 years in prison … and, truth be told, he didn't have much of an eye for colours that went together anyway).

They went to the archaeological museum (which held a secret collection of erotic Roman art discovered at Pompeii that was so graphic it made Remus blush … he'd never seen anything like it. Sirius, on the other hand, looked at one particularly eye watering mosaic, pointed at it and said: 'they're two boys together - right there. There were ancient Romans like us') and in the afternoon they looked around a castle up on a hill.

They nervously eyed up the distant, looming hulk of Mt. Vesuvius and discussed in hushed tones the likelihood of it erupting while they were there. ('maybe I'm not a real Gryffindor,' Sirius said, 'but I don't think I'd want to live this close to a volcano that I knew had previously destroyed other towns.')

And they tried something called "Pizza" - which Remus said he thought muggles ate quite frequently ('they go to some kind of hut to have it,' he told Sirius - but was unable to answer any more questions on the subject having never ventured inside one) and drank espressos … And if they ever found themselves in an empty little alleyway, they would link hands for the briefest moment and steal a kiss. They spent their nights wrapped up in each other's arms as usual, but other than that no one would ever know that they were more than just two friends, out sightseeing. And if Sirius was still annoyed about this, he was at least keeping it quiet and respecting Remus' wishes.

...

After two days in Naples, they apparated north again - this time to Rome - and once again found themselves a quiet little hotel to hole up in. This one didn't look out on the sea of course, it looked out onto a courtyard with overflowing rubbish bins … But if they stood on the bed and then stood on their tiptoes they could just about see the top of the Colosseum in the distance.

They spent the evening wandering the streets. It was still hot, but now it was dusk it was more bearable … but even though the night was drawing in, the city was not going to sleep. The traffic was something else - it was madness on a level they had never seen before; tiny little cars hurtling in all directions and cutting each other up and swerving across six lanes of traffic and not really paying all that much attention to the lights. After one terrifying attempt to cross the road at a zebra crossing, which no drivers stopped for anyway, they agreed they would just apparate across in future. It's not like anyone would notice in the madness.

The boys had liked Naples very much, but Rome was cleaner, larger and far more impressive. Ancient monuments loomed everywhere - and they were lit up in the darkness, making them look more like backdrops at the theatre than real buildings. And it wasn't even just the famous buildings that were impressive. Just around the corner from the Pantheon (which definitely didn't look real - it looked like a painting, even when they were stood right by it; Sirius jabbed it with his wand a couple of times to check it was really there) they stumbled across a colossal foot on a plinth. Just a foot - sitting on it's pedestal - all that was left of a colossal statue.

'How big do you think it was?' Sirius asked, staring upward.

'Big,' Remus replied simply.

They wandered for hours, happily getting lost in the dark alleyways and happening across ancient ruins or ornate fountains in the middle of piazzas. The whole city seemed to be teeming with feral cats and - missing Crookshanks - Sirius kept trying to entice them to come close enough so he could pet them. Eventually, they found their way back to the main road that led up to the Colosseum and stopped off at a pavement cafe.

There were two very handsome, young men sitting at the next table from them - they were smoking roll up cigarettes and talking in very fast Italian. One of them had draped one leg over the other with the kind of casual elegance that Remus had only ever seen Sirius manage before now. There wasn't much room between the tables - and the smoke drifted across to them - permeating the air with its acrid smell.

'What's spaghetti?' Sirius asked, reading the menu.

'Don't get it.'

'Why not?'

'You'll only embarrass yourself trying to eat it. Same goes for tagliatelle - they're all long and stringy. Stick with something like penne.'

'You know a lot about pasta, Remus.'

'I told you - they sell it in packets at the muggle shop near my house. I'll make you spaghetti when we get home - and it won't matter that you can't eat it neatly and you'll get sauce all down your chin.'

They ordered, and watched the people walking past, and drank wine and then - just as they were scraping their plates of the last of the pasta - the two handsome, young men at the next table stubbed out their cigarettes … and started to kiss each other.

Remus dropped his fork in surprise and stared. Sirius turned to see what he was looking at. They watched open mouthed, as the two men kissed - seemingly oblivious to all around them - and people continued to walk past as if nothing was happening. There was an old couple, in the corner, with their noses wrinkled in disgust - but they weren't saying anything. And all the other people in the restaurant were just carrying on eating … The waiter came out with two glasses of yellow liqueur on a tray and plonked it down on the two men's table. 'Limoncello,' he said, without giving them a second glance. They didn't even come up for air.

'I told you!' Sirius hissed. 'I told you it wasn't just us. And look - no one cares. It was just that one waiter that didn't like it.'

'I doubt it was just that one waiter.'

'Alright - well - no - I imagine other people don't like it either … But clearly it's not unheard of, or against the rules or anything. And they don't mind being together in public.' He nodded at the kissing couple, and then arched a challenging eyebrow at Remus.

'But I've never heard of a wizard like us,' Remus argued.

'No - but there are loads more muggles, aren't there? - Stands to reason that, in all their billions, some of them would be like us.'

'And the muggles don't mind?'

Sirius shrugged. 'Obviously some of them do - but none of these ones care.'

'But it's not … right.'

'Says who?' Sirius was grinning now - looking delighted.

Finally, the two men pulled apart and lit up more cigarettes … and noticed the boys staring at them. 'You have problem?' one of them asked, rather belligerently - blowing smoke straight at them.

'Er - no…' Remus said. 'No we - er - we really don't have a problem at all…' And he felt his own face break into a grin as wide and delighted as Sirius' own.

After they had paid their bill, they walked back to the hotel together, holding hands the whole way.