All rights remain.
Brief mention of self-harm.
The Worst Part
Wednesday—June 17, 2021
Sleep did not come easy for the bespectacled teen; Ren tossed and turned all night and would have done so until morning if Morgana did not interfere. The cat knew the perfect intervention after spending months with Ren and his night terrors back in their old hometown. When Ren began gasping, Morgana woke up at once and leaped into action. He waited until the boy laid on his back before stepping as lightly as he could, sprawling out on his stomach. As predicted, Ren's large hand came up to card his fingers through Morgana's soft fur; only Ren was truly able to get away cuddling like this. He was, after all, not a cuddly kind of cat. Still, it brought peace to the Leader, and Morgana had gotten pretty comfortable laying on top of Ren, listening to his heartbeat and falling asleep to the rhythmic up-and-down motions of his breathing.
Morgana purred loudly, letting the vibrations fill his chest and resonate throughout his body. This also seemed to calm the teen down exponentially, for his sleep turned peaceful. This is what Morgana would do each night back in their hometown—purr his friend's nightmares away. He began calling Ren's hometown his own since they lived there together for months; it had to be some of the most memorable months for him. This was the time Morgana really got to know Ren, when they had no one else but each other. The cat got to witness first hand the kind of homelife Ren had and the kind of mother that cared for him (and he used that term loosely). Worst of all, Ren was never happy and it was hard for Morgana to watch his friend spiral into a seemingly inescapable depression for months on end.
His family was a major factor and cause of his problems, but Morgana knew Ren was mourning—mourning the loss of being in Tokyo, surrounded by people who actually enjoyed his presence and did not think of his existence as a burden. He mourned the loss of seeing his friends each day, real friends who brought a real sense of joy to his life. But most importantly, Ren mourned the loss of Akechi Goro, the Detective Prince of Japan. Morgana even had to refrain using his name because it became such a trigger; every time something reminded Ren of Goro, he would shut down and become stoic….for days even. He would turn silent, speaking very little and sometimes going six or more hours without uttering a single word. It was, perhaps, the lowest he had seen Ren get and he had no one to talk to other than him.
Ren had tried opening up to his mother over dinner, trying to explain why he was tired in the mornings or why he did not get much sleep at night. He tried to explain the dread he felt with each sun-fall and the terrors he endured with each moonrise. She had instantly dismissed his feelings as childish and irrelevant before demanding to know when he worked next. Ren merely dipped his head, worked the next day, and provided his mother with every last yen he earned.
"How I wish you could be like that Akechi-san!"
Ren wept that entire night….shut in the bathroom and only emerged after several hours of isolation. Morgana had spent that entire time pawing and scratching at the door, even going outside and trying to get in from the window. Ren had returned to the bedroom in the morning to grab his book bag, fresh wounds on his arms that were too neatly placed to be from the Metaverse.
That's when Morgana first noticed….
Akechi Goro was a terrible trigger.
Morgana could remember looking at Akechi Goro with a deep sense of sadness; Crow kneeled before them, doubled over in overwhelming grief and despair, refusing to accept the compliments from the Phantom Thieves as they all confessed their true feelings….Makoto envied his natural talent….Haru, while she could never forgive him for what he had done, sympathized with him….and Morgana had outright asked Goro if he truly hated Ren. Morgana looked up at the sleeping figure and relished the warmth from Ren's hand, glad it was big enough to cover the majority of his body; it felt like a warm blanket was draped over him.
Of course Goro did not hate Ren despite his best efforts to hide it; Morgana knew there was some unexplained line that tethered their fates together, but it was more than destiny that drew the boys together. Morgana was most likely the only one who knew the depth of the bond Ren created with Goro and the true feelings he developed for the teen over time. It was even more apparent every time Goro and Ren would be together, spending time doing this or that….it ranged from the batting cages to the billiards tables. Whatever it was, Morgana always sensed a deep-rooted competitiveness from both of them and one of the many redeeming qualities of Ren was his grace whenever he lost. He never got upset, even when Goro had beaten him without fail, never relenting; Ren always took it as the next challenge.
Morgana's blue eyes darted over to the black glove on Ren's dresser and the chess piece that sat within the folds of the fabric. He had kept that close to him, sometimes clinging to it before bed as if it was his only saving lifeline. Morgana recalled the day some bullies in Ren's old school had started taunting Ren for his criminal record; he barely batted an eyelash, but when they got hold of his chess piece after it had fallen from his pocket, Ren was sent to the principal's office for unruly behavior. However, he was unfairly treated after faculty referred to the hallway cameras, seeing his innocence and how the bullying was unprovoked. Still, it was yet another stain on his academic record.
It was the only time Morgana ever saw the laid-back teen let his temper flare like that on someone other than Goro. Morgana knew what Ren was capable of and all the maneuvers and fighting he did in the Metaverse made him a worthy adversary, most likely with the ability to beat any high school kid at his old school. However, he would never lay a finger on another, avoiding the fight because he knew he would win.
School days in their hometown were brutal, worse than Shujin because he had no friends. They were long and listless, piling up and filling his time meaninglessly. Ren would spend the entire day to himself, not once speaking unless forced to by a teacher. He packed his own lunches and ate beneath a beech tree behind the school, where no one bothered him. He would often bring cold ramen, which Morgana knew was a tribute to Ryuji, who loved ramen. There were times Ren packed sweets in tribute for Ann, and he even made Sojiro's curry in honor of them and Leblanc. Morgana remembered first laying eyes on the cafe's attic and the apprehension he had. However, Leblanc was far more appealing than their house now.
It almost seemed like an endless nightmare, one that they could not escape simply by waking up and starting over. However, Ren spotted the flyer for Scope Studies and suddenly, Morgana sensed the rekindling of Joker's old flame. Being top of the class meant nothing with his record, but the teen was determined to put this place behind him as soon as he could. With a new opportunity at hand, Ren applied for the program and their scholarships, volunteering with odd jobs in addition to his part-time job to appear more likeable on the resumé. He referred his friends in Tokyo and once they had applied, Ren sent in references from Shujin (with the aid of Makoto and Haru).
For a long while, it was all he could think about and it brought Morgana comfort to see the boy driven by his future. It was a sweet reminder of the Trickster he remembered.
After he and Ren took off for summer vacation with the others, the former Shujin-student received the news that he would be studying abroad for his final year of high school. Even better, he would have some of his dear friends alongside him. Morgana remembered the night receiving the letter in the mail, which was almost tossed away by his mother, who assumed the letter was another complaint from the school. Fortunately, he was quick to snag the envelope before it would be discarded—taking it to his room to read privately.
Morgana was honored to be the very first Phantom Thief to be a part of that special memory and it was one of the very few nights he let Ren cuddle him all night long, tucked soundly and warmly underneath the covers.
His purring deepened as he went with the rising and falling of Ren's stomach. Ever since the teen packed his life away from his hometown for the last time, Ren had been eating better and his gaunt and sunken appearance lessened. The light in his eyes returned and the strength, not of his body, but his will returned. Morgana held his breath and listened—not a sound. Back with his mother, Ren would hardly eat and Morgana would listen to the rumbling and moaning of the poor kid's stomach all night long, howling out for nutrition that the frizzy-haired boy could not provide.
But at least Ren was able to regain his strength and stamina through a few weeks of square meals. Morgana could feel himself drift off to sleep, breathing slowed as he slumbered.
.oOo.
Ren shifted under the blankets, tilting his head so he could take a better look at his phone screen and getting so lost in thought, he could not remember a single thing he read. He tossed his phone aside angrily and threw an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the obnoxiously bright light shining from his ceiling fan. As thirsty as he was, he refused to venture outside his room in fear of seeing Ryuji before he was ready for a confrontation. It was unlike him to go back to his room after getting ready for the day, but this morning felt like it would drag on for days.
"Ren?"
Ren angled himself so he could see Morgana better, whose paws were unconsciously kneading the fabric of his shirt—claws piercing into his diaphragm. Much to Morgana's chagrin, Ren leaned forward and snatched the feline off his paws and drew him close to his face; it was easy to hold him for his hands could easily wrap themselves around Morgana's lithe frame, but the cat always wriggled free. This time, however, Morgana just fell limp in his hands, blue eyes blinking at him.
"You didn't do anything wrong," the black and white cat insisted and reached out a paw, his pads brushing his chin softly. "Stop hiding."
"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Ren asked with a smile, glad to be in the company of his dear friend without having to wander outside and run the risk.
"That's what I know you are doing," Morgana replied swiftly, never missing a beat.
"You have it all figured out, don't you?" Ren said teasingly, fingers running down the cat's back, relishing in the touch of his soft pelt.
"I have you figured out," Morgana sighed as his jaws stretched into a wide yawn, fur rippling down his spine. "He's your friend, he deserves at least a conversation."
About to respond, he opened his mouth, but his phone's chimes interrupted his train of thought.
Ann (08:17): Are you up?
Ann (08:17): I hope you are. I wanted to say thanks again for yesterday.
Ann (08:18): And sorry for storming out like that.
Ann (08:19): I'm just mad.
Ann (08:19): Not at you.
Ren (08:21:): Ryuji?
Ann (08:22): Yeah. He had no right, aren't you mad?
Ren (08:23): I'll talk to him today and see what he says.
Ann (08:24): Well, let me know because I'll still slap him for that.
Ann (08:24): I don't know what goes through his thick skull.
Ren (08:25): Maybe….
Ann (08:25): What?
Ren (08:27): Nothing, I won't say anything until I talk to him first. I hope you are okay and have a good day.
Ann (08:27): You, too. Thanks, Ren
Ren put his phone back down and sighed, dropping his hands on his stomach with a hollow thud. He rolled his head to the side and looked at Morgana, who was pawing at the door. He finally heaved himself to his feet, knowing he could not be shut up in his room for the remainder of the day. He braved the consequences, head poking out of the door frame to look up and down only to find it empty. He summoned the last bit of courage and made his way to the kitchen, walking as slowly as he could to stall the inevitable.
As predicted, Ryuji was sitting on the couch, but surprisingly in the company of Goro. The detective spotted Ren emerge first and gave him a quick flick of his eyebrow—his way of acknowledging his approaching appearance. Goro turned to Ryuji and rose to his feet, looking at his wristwatch.
"Another time, yes?"
Ryuji cracked a toothy grin and clapped his hands, leaning forward and bracing his arms on his knees. "I can't figure you out, but maybe you ain't as bad as I thought."
Goro hummed what was supposed to be in a pleasant manner although Ren knew him well enough to know it was mostly a front. "The feeling is mutual."
Ryuji watched Goro retreat, eyes following the boy until they landed on Ren. His friend's face fell into the lines of trouble and misery but just for a moment or two before it disappeared. He waved Ren over with a smile that did not quite reach his eyes. Goro was right about one thing—Ryuji was easy to read and that was due to the boy wearing his heart on his sleeve.
"Hey, man, how long have ya been up for?"
"A while," Ren confessed as he strode around the couch and took a seat in one of the armchairs, leaning against the armrest. "I just felt tired."
"No shit," Ryuji said but his voice lacked its usual enthusiasm and vigor. "You took the worst beatin' in Gahr's Haven than any 'o us."
Ren nodded wordlessly, hating how he could never think of the right things to say during times like this.
"About yesterday, man…." Ryuji said, sounding guilty. Ren always appreciated how Ryuji could just talk about these sorts of things without letting the awkward silence draw on for too long. "I'm sorry."
This, however, took him by surprise. It must have shown on his face because Ryuji launched into a long-winded explanation.
"I shouldn't've spied but I kinda dragged Goro and Sophia along the entire day. I wanted to congratulate Ann, but she's pretty freakin' pissed. I should do something and make a peace offering."
"Probably," Ren said, wanting to ask why he did it in the first place but not sure how to go about it. "Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why did you follow us in the first place?" Ren asked curiously, deciding there was no point in trying to dance around the question.
Ryuji looked a bit uncomfortable at the inquiry, but the latter figured it would not have come as a surprise. Still, the athlete looked like he was doing some quick thinking.
"It's okay," Ren said suddenly, holding up his hand. "You don't have to say if you don't want to."
Ryuji gave him a grateful look and visibly relaxed; Ren silently wondered if he meant to be so obvious with his relief of being taken out of the spotlight, but he was more curious than ever now. Still, he was not sure what the other two were going to do or they were going to handle it. However, the next person he needed to talk to just upped and walked away. Ren rose to his feet and adjusted the belt around his waist, giving him a bit of a smile.
"I'll talk to you later."
Ren dismissed himself as politely as he could, making his way back down the same hallway he came from. However, this time he did not turn to his room. Instead, he made his way to Goro's door, knocking once or twice before just walking in. He felt too impatient and far too nervous to wait for him to answer; Goro did not look surprised in the least to find Ren pushing his door open and helping himself inside, but he was smiling softly as if amused.
Something about Goro's smile brought appeasement to Ren's anxiety and he immediately felt whatever tension he thought there was disappear. He strode over to the brunette without hesitation and flopped himself on his bed, throwing his arm behind his head. He threw off his glasses wearily and rested his other hand on his chest.
"Come in," Goro deadpanned.
"Thank you," Ren quipped and threw him a bit of a sly smile. "I wondered where my morning text was, dear."
It was going to be the start of a very long, but meaningful conversation.
.oOo.
Goro snorted but his cheeks turned a bit red as he frowned. "I could have asked the same."
He folded his arms over his chest and felt his eyes linger a little too long at the figure sprawled out on his bed like it was his own. Goro hated the way his face flamed up every time he stared at Ren a little too long, but this time he noticed the way Ren's shirt rode up, exposing a sliver of skin just below the navel and above the waistline of his pants. Goro's mouth turned dry as the heat traveled from his face to his neck. Even worse, the shirt he wore underneath showed off the long stretch of his neck in a way that his former Shujin uniform couldn't. Goro could see every painstaking detail of his throat right down to the dip of his jugular notch and the sharp protrusion of his clavicles….
Goro licked his lips. He had seen the boy shirtless before, but why was seeing him in his bed leaving him feeling like this?
"Akechi?"
Goro blinked at Ren, afraid he had missed an entire conversation by accident.
"Were you listening?" the ravenette asked, long fingers tapping a beat on his chest. He sat up, shirt still unruly enough to expose his sides and lower back.
"Sorry," Goro said gruffly and cleared his throat, forcing his eyes to stay solely on Ren's face.
"I was asking if you figured anything out about Sophia," he repeated and ran his hand over his face. "I would've asked her, but she took off with Ann before I had the chance."
"I-I didn't get a chance to inquire," Goro muttered, feeling a bit sheepish now that he realized he had done nothing genuinely productive yesterday, but it still felt like time well-spent. In fact, he was glad Ryuji confronted them in the end because it made those endless hours of tailing worth it. "But it does not mean I will never."
"Feels like everything about the Metaverse that we know is changing," Ren said after a short pause, slouching his posture as he pushed his glasses into place. "I dunno if that's good or bad."
"Does it matter entirely?" Goro said a bit bluntly, shrugging a shoulder almost carelessly. "We have all eternity to figure it out. We're glued to the place, so I'm sure we'll get real familiar with it."
"Ever the cynical one," Ren said even though he did not sound displeased about it. He frowned, looking troubled again. "Do you regret it? Accepting the offer?"
Ah, so that was it. Goro found himself asking the same question and his answer always came up the same. "No. And I wouldn't ever."
Ren chuckled a bit darkly. "Will you be saying that two hundred years from now?"
Goro paused once more, picturing his life two hundred years into the future and where he would be, what he would be doing. He stole a glance at Ren and felt his heart beat faster—something that happened whenever he was around the teen. His mind suddenly flashed the image of him and Ren together, living in a foreign country, sharing a flat together….a bed….kisses….touches. Goro shifted on his bed as the heat flared up in his chest and stomach.
"I'm sure…." Goro replied softly and looked out the window. "It's morning."
Ren must have caught onto the reference for he broke out into the warmest, brightest smile that just made Goro feel like he was in the right place. He rubbed his nose and sniffed, suddenly feeling much shyer than he was about thirty seconds ago.
"So," Ren said slowly, throwing his arms behind his head as he flopped back on the bed. "What're your plans today?"
"Dunno," Goro replied honestly even though he had no plans today and automatically assumed he would be spending it with Ren. Was it selfish? Perhaps….
"Well, instead of following me, why don't you actually spend the day with me?" Ren asked and it took a few moments for Goro to realize the snarky boy was taking the mickey out of him for yesterday.
"Fine," Goro said with an air of boredom even though he was thrilled at the invitation, then his mind flashed to the others. "Maybe it would be beneficial to spend some time today as a group."
Ren lifted an eyebrow then let a smile flit across his face. "They'd appreciate that."
Goro rubbed his arm and looked down at his attire, blushing as he realized he was still in his sleepwear, looking unkempt and unprofessional.
"I—er—I need to get ready."
"Aha, take your time," Ren said with a wave of his hand, having no intention of going anywhere.
Goro couldn't help but feel victorious at that—were they one step closer?
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
"Oh, c'mon!" Ryuji wailed in grief as Goro sank another ball. He groaned and threw his head back, hanging dramatically off Ren's shoulder. "We barely got three down and he has three left!"
Goro bit his lip and threw a smirk in their direction—glad he did not have to keep up that humble façade. He squared up with his right hand, narrowing his eyes at Ren. It had been a very long time since he and Ren played billiards, but having the pool stick back in his hands felt nothing short of a thrill.
Unfortunately, Ren had distracted him when he picked up the bottom of his shirt and wiped his glasses with it, revealing more than just a little display of skin. Goro caught sight of Ren's entire stomach, toned abs and all. He scowled as he missed the jump shot, cutting it short and misfiring. The cue scraped the wrong ball and barely moved it.
"Damn you," he muttered under his breath.
He swore he saw Ren throw a wink at him as he put his glasses back on.
"You're up, I can't shoot for crap," Ryuji said guiltily and he was not wrong. The impulsive boy's only strategy was to hit it as hard as he could and hoped it went somewhere.
Ren, however, looked to Yusuke, who accepted the request and stepped up to the table. He stared at the position of the balls for a moment or two before angling himself in a twisted, contorted way. He drew his knee up and rested the stick against it, smacking the cue ball. He immediately sunk two in one.
"Holy shit," Ryuji breathed and slapped a hand to his forehead. "I kinda thought Ren was the only good one besides Goro!"
"Billiards is much like the creation of a fine sculpture," Yusuke explained as he moved around the table, concentrating hard on the angles—his fingers ran alongside the edge of the table, tracing the markers that indicated the degrees. "One must act with precision for every move and decision counts."
Yusuke did a perfect jump shot and sank one more. Ryuji began cheering for the artist, who took Goro by surprise. He would have never assumed he was good at billiards, but he was turning out to be as good as Ren if not better.
"Alone, it can be chaotic," Yusuke continued as he lined up his next shot, going in for a plant shot next to get the fourth ball on. "But together—it is one...for the line of chaos is often muddled."
Ann and Sumire groaned audibly as he made another one. Goro let himself slouch, realizing they might just lose this match. While he, himself, was the best—Ann was not terrible. She was able to sink at least one after multiple attempts in previous games but Sumire was a lost cause to him.
"I hadn't any idea you were so well-versed in billiards," Goro said, clearly impressed. It was another challenge he would have to consider playing against.
"One of many," Yusuke said in response.
Ren put his hands in his pockets as if claiming the victory now. Goro strode up to him with a look of great displeasure.
"You did that on purpose," he accused.
"Dunno what you mean."
"Stop bein' nice, Yusuke," Ryuji said from afar, drumming his stick against the ground. "We gave you three of 'em! Especially the ones for Ann!"
"Oh, ha ha," Ann said haughtily and rolled her eyes. "You're just mad because you can't get one."
"Neither can Sumire but here we are," Ryuji huffed and pointed a finger at the redhead.
Sumire's eyes widened but she adopted a glare. "At least I don't hit them so hard they fly off the table."
Ryuji stood there with his jaw hanging ad the girls gave each other a high-five.
"Let them be," Ren said to his teammates, wearing a very pacifying expression. "It's not their fault we have the two best players on one team."
"What?" Ann squawked.
"Excuse me?" Goro said with a snort, leaning against the pool table with a roll of his eyes. "You wouldn't have learned half those moves if it weren't for me."
"It's called natural skill," Ryuji said with a wave of his hand. "Something you seem to be lacking, Miss Ann."
"Ha, is your mouth lonely with one foot in there?" Ann snorted.
"You are so jealous of my track record," Goro said knowingly to Ren, who chuckled in exasperation.
"So verbose for someone who will not prevail," Yusuke said as he lined up his last shot, successfully sinking the last one.
"You're the one with the loud-mouth on your team, senpai," Sumire giggled. "Who can't even play."
"Abate those senseless words, dear," Yusuke said and shook his head, eyes closing. "For you have not gotten a single one yet."
"At least she can keep the ball on the table," Ann muttered.
The group of friends continued exchanging banter for the next ten minutes until Yusuke interrupted them, declaring his famished state needed to be fixed immediately. The party of teens moved to a table, where they shared meals and more time together. It was well into the late afternoon by the time they had all departed and started making their way home.
"Hey, do we still have that open house thingy tomorrow?" Ryuji asked out of the blue, making a face of dread as he spoke. "God, I hope it's optional."
"It's not," Ann said impatiently and put her hands on her hips. "So don't skive it off either!"
"I won't," Ryuji said, throwing up his hands and shooting a look at Ren across the table.
"It's only four hours," Sumire added, innocently thinking it would make things sound better.
Ryuji just groaned and started dragging his feet. Goro understood the teen's anguish—he did not fancy spending four hours with strangers as they all gawked and pointed at him, sneaking pictures and whispering behind his back. Public appearances with his overly polite demeanor often drained him for the rest of the day. It was exhausting.
He sighed and turned away, hoping no one would see the slow-forming scowl settling on his face.
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Goro found himself poised right outside Ren's door, knocking softly. The other answered quickly, opening the door and stepping to the side to let him in. He looked a bit groggy and suddenly Goro wondered if he woke him up.
"Were you asleep?"
"It's nearly midnight and our open house is in the morning," Ren rasped and Goro knew he definitely woke him up. "Are you okay?"
Feeling guilty, Goro merely nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come—"
"It's okay," Ren said reassuringly but he looked troubled, like the years have been added to an aging face. "I'm actually glad you're here."
"Oh?"
Ren held his breath as he began his pacing, feet making little to no noise as he cast a glance to the sleeping form of Morgana.
"This has been the longest gap between a reconciliation and confession. I'm….starting to get worried."
"You mean this might be the first time the great Phantom Thieves messed up?" Goro asked with some abrasion, wanting to find it in himself to savor this moment—this one moment where Ren finally admitted that he nor his friends were these perfect vigilantes.
"No—"
Goro gritted his teeth. Of course, the stubborn boy would never admit to fault.
"Don't blame them," Ren continued and hung his head as he stole another glance at Morgana. "It's not their fault—any of theirs. Gahr's Haven was my doing."
Goro, nodding guilty again, dropped his defensive stance and relinquished any hard feeling he had. "You aren't perfect and there will be times where you will do something wrong."
"I just can't afford that."
Goro snorted, he couldn't help it. "No one can afford mistakes. It's a luxury after all."
Ren clicked his tongue, but he couldn't disagree.
"Well," Goro said after a painfully long moment of silence. "I'll let you get some rest."
It was a forced departure and one that did not feel nearly as natural as they usually would, but it got him out the door. Goro left despite the invitation to stay the night; worst of all, Goro felt sad to leave….like it was no longer expected….and that was dangerous.
Should I do some flashbacks of Ren's hometown and school days?