A/N: Takes place an hour after the Cloverfield review.

In this fourty-third review episode, team RWBY takes a look at Hulk's awkward misfire with a strangely rocky start back in 2003, before he was everyone's favorite smashing machine in the MCU.

BEACON
5PM

"Hello, I'm Ruby..."

"...I'm Yang..."

"...I'm Blake..."

"...and I'm Weiss."

"We remember it so you don't have to," greeted team RWBY.

Ruby begins, "You know, the Hulk should be the easiest guy to make interesting.", explaining, "The Incredible Hulk is a classic Jekyll-and-Hyde story about scientist Bruce Banner, whose experiment goes wrong and turns into a giant green monster whenever he gets angry."

"It has both the psychological and physical elements that usually make for great classic storytelling.", said Yang, "Yet his cinematic ventures have been so underwhelming that despite him being many people's favorite parts in other movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, no solo movies are planned in the near future...besides the upcoming She-Hulk series that may come in a few years."

Blake and Weiss consummate, "And it all started with the 2003 film, simply known as Hulk."

Team RWBY's Commentary of Hulk (2003) Part 1

"How can a story about a giant green monster be boring?", the leader of team RWBY asked before stating, "That was the challenge presumably given to director Ang Lee. He just finished a winning streak with his martial arts opus, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, winning over box office, critics, and too many awards to count, including four Oscars. So producers immediately said, 'That, we want that for our action-packed Hulk movie'."

The elder sister of Ruby Rose explains, "But what they were missing is that Ang Lee usually did social dramas. He did Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon because he always wanted to do a martial arts movie. One. One martial arts movie. He brushed up for years on martial arts flicks so he could figure out how to do it right. With Hulk, very clearly, he was a director-for-hire, and saw this more as a means to experiment rather than bring a lifelong dream to life."

"And much like Bruce Banner, this experiment would haunt him for the rest of his days.", Blake says, "He certainly recovered and returned back to his comfort zone with Oscar-winning flicks such as Brokeback Mountain and Life of Pi, but the mark this movie left on comic fans is probably the most uniquely bad since Batman and Robin."

Weiss also supported their opinion, "But while that was bright and colorful and at least made little kids happy, this...would only make that kid who stands in the corner saying 'I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad' happy. So, why is this the most intriguing and yet somehow also most boring of missteps? Well, let's make everybody angry with Hulk."

Hulk

"Whoa, whoa, tone down those expectations there! This is not the movie you're going to get.", observed Ruby as they watched the opening credits while music by Spider-Man composer Danny Elfman plays, "Now, let's instead do those early 2000s credits of blurry close-ups mixed with sped-up and slowed-down editing. I've always wanted to see an intro with my glasses off and a monkey playing with the remote. I can't even imagine that happening..."

Yang started off, "Oh, and if you think this style is only done in the credits, your senses are in for a bludgeoning, because there's gimmicky editing techniques throughout the entire film. And we mean, the entire film.", reasoning this, "Just look at this flashback of Bruce Banner's father.", as said scene showed the movie's comic-style transitions, "If you find this mildly annoying, then just add two hours of it, and that M will quickly turn upside down to Wildly."

"Like us, you might be wondering, what's the point of all these transition tricks? Trick-sitions, as we like to call them! Our best guess is Ang Lee wanted to create the closest thing he could to a comic book, meaning the film literally has panels, speed lines, and elements of space and time overlapping each other. There's just one problem with that, though. If you're adapting a book, would you constantly put words all over the goddamn place? This is way too frigging literal!", criticizes Blake.

Weiss told, "Actually, there's two problems with this technique. In a comic book, these are used to suck you more into the story. It leaps off the page and brings you into their reality. This is constantly taking you out of what's going on. You can't ever breathe in the world, because the movie's too busy trying to physically show you the lines that they're supposed to be breathing in!"

"Actually, there's three problems with this! We're sorry to dwell in this so much, but this is literally throughout the whole goddamn film! It's best to tackle it in one go!", excused the red-black-haired huntress, "Other movies like Spider-Man and Sin City look like the comics they portray to create a stronger environment for their world. They're adventurous, they're action-packed, they're totally over-the-top. You know what this film mostly consists of? A lot of sitting around and talking!"

The blonde huntress continued their reason, "So the style doesn't even match the tone! It's like they realize there's no friggin' excitement in this flick, so to remind you it's even supposed to be a comic book film, they're like, 'Um...pfft. Throw some Comic Sans in there, put that frame there, that frame over there and make it look like The Brady Bunch.' Comics! We get this!", before the four saw another snippet where the young Bruce Banner was playing with his toys while the images shook strangely in an array of afterimages.

"On second thought, maybe we don't. Where the hell was there a comic that had imagery like that?", the black-haired huntress questioned before she pulled out a RWBY DC comic issue and read, "Maybe if we read one while doing this.", shaking her head whilst reading the comic in demonstrating in contrast to the scene.

The white-haired huntress remarked as the film showed trees, "Also, I don't think trees are a big focus of comics. We're...really putting the camera on this? We're this bored? This early? Unless it's Lord of the Rings' Treebeard's porn stash, why are you shooting that?!"

"So something tragic happens in Bruce's past that he's repressed, and...with his dad taking his mother screaming into the back, you can probably guess what it is. We mean, it's like someone said, 'I'm gonna spend the whole entire film wondering what that-' He kills his mom! ...Come on!", solved Ruby, "It even cuts immediately to a foster home when he's a teen. You think we couldn't figure this out? Though, to their credit, maybe his stepmom's disinterest is supposed to distract us from connecting the dots."

Yang states when his stepmother comforts the teenage Bruce and says he has greatness inside him and he should share his gift with the world, "I bet the director is like, 'Okay, cut! That was good, but, uh, let's try something a little different here this time. Let's try trying?'", continuing, "Though, don't worry, stepmother, the award for the least amount of effort clearly goes to Jennifer Connelly. I get the feeling every day she showed up to the set and the crew was like, 'Okay, Connelly! Uh, are we gonna act today or not act today?'", before the four saw a scene with Connelly's character Betty Ross speaking in monotone with her scene with Eric Bana's character Bruce Banner, "'...Not act today. Okay, it's a not-acting day, everybody! We just wanted to know how to shoot it to make you look...invested.'"

"Hell, I think the most gripping performances in the movie probably come from these two.", prefers Blake as the four saw a cameo with both Lou Ferrigno and Stan Lee walking out of the building where Bruce works in the film, "I really believed he wanted tighter security. And I really believe that Lou Ferrigno was...um...looking at him. Okay, I didn't even believe that, but he looked like the Hulk for years! He gets a pass!", who then notices the font changes for the movie's location captions, "By the way, minus two points for even their credits not being consistent. When even your font doesn't know what it wants to be, you're kind of in trouble."

Weiss recapped, "We find out that Bruce, played by Eric Bana, is working on ways to expose gamma rays to electro-energy jigawatts capacitor where somehow superpowers are the wrong answer. They try their experiment on a frog and discover the results are a little too explosive.", as they watch Bruce and the others nanome and test a frog as it swelled and popped up, "Somebody call Miss Piggy. There's been an...accident.", before they react to Betty making a joke to Bruce about their frog experiment and what would happen to frogs falling from the sky.

Team RWBY was almost unamused, but still snickered a bit.

"No. Really. Suck it in while you can. That is the only joke in the entire movie.", the leader of team RWBY confirmed before watching a transition with a rectangular shot set the following day, "Oh, excuse me. There's a bookmark of a man reading fighting for space.", excusing herself, "Okay, if they really can draw this much attention to their transitions, we would draw even more attention to it by imagining putting in the goofy sound effects they deserve!", also introducing the guy from the next snippet, "This Dickface McSneer Smirk is Glenn Talbot. He is...doing exactly what you think he's gonna do. Try and steal Banner's girlfriend, get in the way of his experiment and waste a lot of time trying to explain every boring reason why."

The elder sister of Ruby Rose joked after they spectate a conversation between Betty and Glenn, "The Hulk! People calmly discussing things! Staring at each other in silence! But...look! Green walls! It's...kind of like the Hulk is there! Symbolically! Oh, you just don't get it! You don't understand the layers of subtlety and conversation that need to be had with...The Hulk!", raising her fists as her three friends giggled happily to her over-the-top exaggeration, "Ooh, look! It's the film's first big surprise: they got a new janitor! ...That's exciting.", whilst seeing a scene with Betty meeting with the janitor just as it has a water transition to Bruce working.

"Ah. The classic mop transition we see so often in comics. Man, it's a good thing nobody takes a shit in this movie.", the Faunus said and then synopsizing, "So Bruce sits around, staring at old pictures of Connelly as his girlfriend-", reacting when they saw his picture of him and Betty suddenly being animate as the two kiss in the photograph, "Oh, come on! Even the Kodak film has to run through the pretentious filter?! We're just waiting for the Prisoner of Azkaban to knock them out with a bottle of butterbeer!", also abstracting, "This results in a flashback of when Bruce and her were still dating."

When the film showed a flashback of Bruce and Betty as the latter explains her recurring dreams when she was a baby, the heiress exaggerates again, "The Hulk! Talking about dreams! Reoccurring dreams! With your boyfriend being your father and trying to strangle you- W-w-what?!", as the four watch said scene as the dream transition ends back to Bruce and Betty in the flashback, "Okay, um... Anyone that's new to the dating scene; we don't know what Ang Lee is trying to tell you, but if your date says they have a reoccurring dream about you as their father trying to kill them as a small child- Out. Just...get out. Don't even make up an excuse! Just flee!"

"The only person you should flee faster from is Nick Nolte. Of course he's in this movie.", revealed Ruby as the next scene has Nolte's character after the flashback sequence, "Nolte plays Banner's real dad. We're not sure if he went crazy and then so did the film, or if he did the film and then went crazy, but...there's regret to be had all around. We guess he's supposed to be intimidating, but...it doesn't really help when you're stalking a guy with three cuddly dogs by your side. No, seriously. This was supposed to be a threatening image. We're sorry! The dogs goddamn ruined it! Banner is so intimidated by this that he actually closes the blinds. Why?! Even the most paranoid person wouldn't muster a sweat from this!", snickering this.

Yang nevertheless then says next, "Bruce walks in to find Smooth Suit McEeeeeeh, who wants to weaponize his ability to blow up frogs.", before they watch another part of the film where Bruce dismisses Betty's request to talk to him about Glenn, "Oh! Good. THEN DO SOMETHING!", as Yang's lilac eyes turn blood red once again when saying this, "By the gods, we're a half-hour in, and not only has no action happened, but... Think about it. What do we really know about Bruce Banner? He...fondles babies in other people's dreams- Well, that's the most we're getting out of it!", just as they saw a short circuit as Bruce tries to help Harper when something dangerous happens, "Oh, no! Something's happening! Stop! Before it leads to the dangers of interests!", summarizing, "The experiment seems to go wonky, and Bruce sacrifices himself to a Photoshop filter...", prepared Blake, "...finally leading to him transforming into a guy in a hospital bed-", before the four girls facepalmed to this, "OH MY GOD..." watching the next part when Betty visits Bruce after the accident and asked how Harper was.

Blake raised her fists in sheer determination whilst shaking her head, "The Hulk...! 'How's Harper?' 'He's all right!' 'We're gonna sell so many toys!'", continuing moments after the scene with Betty visiting Bruce in the hospital room, "But hospital security is proving it's worth every penny as Nick Nolte and his...presumably extended family sneak in to see Bruce.", observing the excerpt where David meets with Bruce who warns him to watch his temper as he was about to leave, "Yes, Lord knows, this really seems like a guy who flies off the handle!"

"Connelly agrees to meet with her father, played by Sam Elliott, who is also interested in their scientific discoveries.", mentioned Weiss as they saw a scene with Betty and her father General Ross at a restaurant while he was eating, "You ever notice how Sam Elliott talks like he has one last bite of steak in his mouth? I'd be saying 'Chew. Chew and swallow. Chew and swallow-', it's rude to act with your mouth full! Don't make Marvel waste you on Ghost Rider, Elliott."

The red-black-haired huntress reacted when they've seen an emotional part during this with Betty and her father, she rose her fists like Blake did and shook her head as well, "The Hulk!", revealing, "The teaser that literally looked like this...", giving an excerpt of the movie's teaser trailer from her Scroll before shutting her it off, "...was literally representing this!", the four looking at the movie's restaurant scene with Betty and her father, as Ruby leans in as she and Yang yelled, "THE HUUUULLLK!", the former resuming the film, "The funny thing is, we're about 45 minutes in. Well, okay. I guess they're doing the Jaws effect and trying to build up the green guy's appearance. But here's the thing: when he does finally change, it happens right the hell out of nowhere!"

"Yeah! He's just sitting at his computer doing work, and suddenly, he's like, 'Shit, dammit! I want the Hulk! There's only so long we could pretend we know what we're talking about! Deliver the Green M&M on Shrek-oids!'", the blonde huntress examples before the four watch the Hulk crashing the laboratory while the camera shows a beaker being focused on the foreground, "Yeah. That's great, that's great. We waited 45 minutes to see this damn thing, please focus on the beaker. That is clearly what we want to look at. You know, when Jaws did show up, they didn't focus on the life preserver!"

The black-haired and white-haired huntress relieved momentarily, "Okay. He's here. By the gods. We finally got it. At friggin' long last, here is the Hulk.", when they saw a scene where the Hulk encounters David before escaping from the premises a minute later in the film, "Get him the hell out of here! We gotta change him back as fast as possible for more boring conversations!", groaning as they observe a conversation with Bruce and Betty the night after the incident, "THE HUUULLLK..."

Ruby sighed, "You know what, we'll be right back. There should be at least somebody who could sell something fun BETTER than this goddamn movie!", as the four took a break midway through the film.

To be continued...