Team RWBY's Commentary of Hulk (2003) Part 2 (Final)
"So as mentioned and seen before, Connelly visits to explain what happened.", Ruby continues, as she and her teammates see the same part where they left off where Bruce has a conversation with Betty on what happened the night before, with Ruby softly saying, "Reacting by not reacting...done.", summarizing, "But it looks like Elliott thinks Bruce might be behind the lab being destroyed.", mimicking as Betty was about to leave Bruce's house but encounters her father with his bodyguards, "We have no idea what your father is saying, ma'am. Can you help us?"
Yang then synopsized after observing when General Ross visits Bruce as Ross' daughter Betty leaves, "Connelly goes to Nick Nolte's house, filmed presumably on location at Nick Nolte's house, as she discovers he's Bruce's father, and they have a competition for who can speak the softest.", imitating as David tells Betty that his son was unique, "He was born without a personality... Actually, that's not very unique in this movie.", just as the four girls saw David take Betty's scarf, "I bet she would be like, 'Yeah, I can clearly see that you took my scarf as displayed by this shot of me clearly seeing you taking my scarf."
"And also like, 'I'm...not asking for it back? Director? I mean, you focused on it. You actually showed a scene of me seeing him take it. I'm...not retrieving what was touched by Nick Nolte's dirty, disease-filled hands- You know what, he can keep it.'", pretended Blake after they watched the end of the scene when Betty leaves with David taking her scarf, also outlooking, "David uses the scarf to give her scent to...the beast from The Sandlot...as cops surround Banner's house, keeping him under house arrest.", before remarking as Talbot drops by Bruce's house to angrily deal with him, "Doing a bang-up job, as you can see."
Weiss distressed when they saw Talbot beat Banner up, "Oh, no! The cops should call the cops!", reacting when Bruce warns Talbot that he is making him angry, "How dare you make me feel an emotion in this film!", just as he transformed into the Hulk much to Talbot's horror, "We're glad that guy's like, 'Mr. Giant, I swear I ate all my vegetables- Aaaah!", abstracting afterwards when seeing Hulk throw Talbot through the window and escapes from the cops, "The Hulk makes his way to Connelly's house, whose reaction is...", sighing, "...exactly how it is in the rest of the film."
The girls were then surprised as they saw Betty's blankly unappalled expression as she sees Bruce as the Hulk for the first time.
"Cut! Okay, Connelly, let's try something a little different here, um... AAAAAACT!", the leader of team RWBY shouted, "Gods above! We would have gone through at least the majority of the Three Stooges' reactions at this point!", as she had Yang, Blake and Weiss imitate the Three Stooges reactions (Shemp, Curly and Larry respectively), making Ruby laugh, "I honestly thought Shemp was the bald one, Curly was the curly-haired one and Larry was the bowl-cut-haired one, but sadly I mixed them up. It seems much better and funnier reactions than this, I can tell you that now!", proving her point right after this, "Oh, but if for some reason you thought that didn't deserve a big reaction, how about this?"
The elder sister of Ruby Rose came up as she and her friends saw the three dogs, who have been mutated with gamma radiation, "ZUUL, MOTHERFU-", snickering, "Oh, my God. Are you serious?! Th-that's not the final thing, is it? I- Oh, sorry.", clearing her throat, "ZUUL, MOTHERFU-", before laughing, "What is this?! Guys! Guys, come on! No!", cringing and rubbing her temples, "Yup. This is the first action sequence in the movie. One hour in, and he's fighting mutant Pound Puppies. Isn't this always what you wanted? When you saw the Incredible Hulk on TV and cartoons and in the comics, weren't you always wishing for the big screen adaptation where he fought the zombie cast of Lady and the Tramp?"
"You just know Stan Lee was watching the dailies of this and was like, 'Ang, I know you directed Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Uh, is there any chance you can actually put in a crouching tiger or a hidden dragon? I'm just saying. I created Stripperella. And even I'm finding this pretty dumb.'", imagined the Faunus as they watched the Hulk finish off the mutant dogs, "So the Hulk defeats the mutant poodle...something we didn't think we'd say while watching this...and changes back, because, by God, we haven't seen enough of him as a normal guy yet, have we?", answering when Betty asked Bruce what were the animals as they go back to his house, "Well, I believe the scientific term is ridiculous."
The heiress continued when they saw Bruce suddenly get tranquilized the next morning, "But Elliott tranquilizes him and takes him to his base where he keeps him out cold, much to his daughter's dismay.", even spectating when Betty talks to her father that Bruce saved her life as he dismisses her by saying he saved her from a mutant French poodle, "You know, Sam, you almost made that stupid line work. But you didn't. You still had to say the words mutant French poodle. But it was a good try.", also recapping, "Nolte experiments on himself trying to continue Bruce's work, allowing him to physically adapt to his surroundings. This, in all honesty, leads to maybe the only cool scene in the movie."
Then the four saw David losing his balance, observing his powers by physically adapting to his surroundings with his newfound powers as the Absorbing Man.
"Goddamnit! Why'd that cool hand had to be attached to Nick Nolte? And why'd that Nick Nolte had to be attached to this film?!", exasperated Ruby and then reassuring, "Don't worry, though. They give you more of exactly what you came here for: friggin' talking! Only this time, there's an army to stop any exciting development, so there's no fear of that pesky joy! Hell, I think even the soldiers would be shouting at them to get some action about now. I bet they're like, 'Oh, my God! Make him angry!', 'Tell him the movie's gonna bomb!', 'Tell him he's gonna be replaced by two actors! Two!', speaking of Edward Norton and Mark Ruffalo by the way.", making her and her three teammates giggle.
Yang notices, "You know, you see that unused playground equipment that's supposed to be fun for kids, but is in the middle of an empty, lifeless wasteland? I can't help but wonder if that's Ang Lee's symbolic cry for help.", as her other teammates nodded in agreement; she and Ruby then remarked at the edge of desperation when seeing Bruce walk around an old house (supposedly where Bruce used to live), "The Huuuulk! Just...have a good nap.", as the four of them took a short nap on their commentary chairs they were sitting on for the duration of their review, before Ross in the film yelled and startles the four of them awake, "How dare you wake us up! We were having the most wonderful dream where we weren't watching you!"
"So Glenn takes over the operation so he can weaponize the Hulk's DNA. But while studying him, Bruce dives deep into his repressed memories and figures out the painful truth...in that, it was so painful how much we already knew the truth...Bruce's dad killed his mom.", reveals Blake during this scene as the girls watched, "Yeah, here's another big surprise, I think Clark Kent's Wonder Woman!", whispering the last sentence sarcastically and jokingly, describing soon after, "He (Bruce), of course, turns into the human Battletoad and he tries busting his way out. But they have foam to stop him. Because...if it makes bathtime fun, surely it can make the Hulk fun."
Weiss replied when she and her friends see the Hulk get stuck in foam as Talbot tries to inject him for his DNA, "Okay... We think this scene only exists just to make a caption contest. Like, 'Name this movie and give only wrong answers.' Or 'Explain how this is somehow the way we first met.' Or 'This is what we spent $137 million on, guys. We cray-cray!'", but not before team RWBY was bewildered when seeing Talbot try shooting a grenade at the Hulk but it ricochets behind him and causing an explosion that not only kills him, but making a freeze-frame of him before he dies, "Wow, even by this movie's standards, that was a new level of 'What?'"
"Elliott does the sensible thing of releasing the Hulk into the world and the military tries to take him down in the desert.", the red-black-haired huntress summarized as she imagines the Hulk bursting out of the base with Kool-Aid's 'Oh yeah!' sound and then sees the Hulk running across the desert, "To hell with this interpretive dance bullshit! I gotta smash something!", once again making the girls laugh as they saw the Hulk do a triple jump, "Okay, we know the Hulk is supposed to be able to jump far, but the way they do it, he looks like an unrendered Mario character.", imagining the Mario jumping sound from said excerpt, delightfully declaring, "And we finally get a little bit of Hulk actually fighting someone."
The blonde huntress humorously said as they witness the Hulk fight the military and then spinning and throwing a military tank away, "Oh my Gods, that was amaziiiiiing...! I am still falling!", the four of them laughing their heads off to the Moana reference as they saw the Hulk stops at an area surrounded by rocks with one of them looking phallic than usual, "We're just gonna hold on that shot until you realize that looks like a penis. Got it? Good. Back to the action.", mocking as the helicopter pilot as the Hulk was chased by the helicopters attacking him, "Come back, or we won't give you a pointless romance with Black Widow! Okay, fine! You get a subtext romance with Thor!", snickering yet again as the falling rocks in the film made the girls think about Wile E. Coyote using an umbrella before getting squashed by a boulder.
"But he makes his way to San Francisco, presumably to stop more seasons of Fuller House.", the black-haired huntress told while they watch Hulk try to kill a fighter pilot on his jet and then falling down from space afterwards as he loses consciousness, "We then interrupt this thrilling action sequence to give you...shaving.", the four of them poker-facing when they saw Bruce shave all of a sudden with Blake unsurprisingly asks, "Was every scene based on a bet? 'Hey, I bet you can't do a Hulk movie where he fights a poodle,' 'Hey, I bet you can't do a Hulk movie where he's stopped by bath products,' 'Hey, I bet you can't do a Hulk movie where he shaves in the middle of a fight sequence...' Whoa, whoa, Ang! I meant just try one of those bets in the movie! I didn't know you do all three! There should be a defuse manual for the bomb he's making!"
The white-haired huntress resumed after witnessing the Hulk abrupt Bruce's shaving and regained consciousness from his supposed dream, "He, of course, keeps going and makes it to the city. Alright, now it's time to do some real damage. Go rampage before Rampage mucked it up!", outlining when Betty soon comes to calm the Hulk down as he reverts to Bruce again, "Or, in keeping on track, stop before you get to the actual cool stuff. That works...not at all.", joking around when they saw Bruce and Betty hug, "I bet one of the soldiers would be like, 'Blow him to hell.', but who would think of that to ruin the moment?", nevertheless saying, "So Nolte is brought to his son, which obviously means the movie should focus on the conflict between Nolte and Elliott. Maybe they had a competition for who could be understood the least."
"He is brought in to apparently take part in the stage play version of the film...hey, let's have this two hours of suck go out on a high note...as Nolte gives his best impression of Yosemite Sam swallowing Daffy Duck.", Ruby then summarizes as she and her other three friends overlook the many parts of David's ranting and chewing the scenery, "I bet he's like, 'I, Hulk, your, milkshake!'", being impressed by Nick Nolte's overacting in this part and snickering, "Wow! We don't think he could chew more scenery than if he literally picked up the set and started biting it-", before they saw David bite the electrical cables thus electrocuting him, "Whoa, whoa- We were just kidding!", getting worried afterwards, "Somebody should actually stop him before he eats himself!", synopsizing, "He absorbs the electricity, making him super-powerful, and we're just gonna take a wild guess and say Connelly stares blankly at this.", as said scene is shown.
Yang disbelieved, "I never thought I'd say this, but...can we have her performance in Labyrinth back? I can't promise it won't lead to Nolte's performance in this, but at least it's an attempt.", climaxing, "Banner turns into the Hulk, and Nolte flies them away, absorbing whatever he touches. It's the ultimate battle between father and son, even though there's...surprisingly been very little time dedicated to them interacting as father and son. So much has NOT been building up to this!", mimicking the Absorbing Man during the final fight sequence between him and the Hulk, "But, hey, we may be bad, but we're not Fan4stic yet!", also saying, "Nolte however gets the upper hand and the Hulk willingly lets him take all his energy, thus overwhelming Nolte in the process.", as they saw the Absorbing Man turn into a giant gamma-radiated bubble when taking all of the Hulk's energy.
"Oh my gods, it's the audience's patience, it's about to blow!", warned Blake before recommencing, "But the Army nukes them, and they're both presumed dead. Connelly cares so little that she's lost her true love that she actually consoles her father, rather than her father consoling her!", pondering then, "Sometimes we wonder if Betty is like, 'When will I be more considerate about how my lack of feelings affects your feelings?'", also noting, "But, of course, they can't shake this feeling that Banner is still alive."
Weiss imagined, "I think General Ross could say, 'I know he's still out there, the Bruce. Taking it easy for us sinners.'", concluding, "And it looks like he is still out there, using his research to help others until somebody tries to stop him.", after discovering that Bruce is now researching in South America, warning a rebel militant leader to not make him angry before the film ends, "And roll those exciting-looking credits that in no way reflect the joyless mess that we just witnessed!", and finishing with her and Blake saying whilst raising their fists and shaking their heads, "THE HUUULK! ...This movie's terrible!"
Team RWBY then make their overall opinions of the film;
"It's the perfect definition of misguided. It has some neat ideas, neat visuals, and I'll even argue that one or two of those transitions could be very effective, clever, and even beautiful at times. But there's just no thrill or investment. Banner is not made an interesting character. He's forgettable and bland, just like the rest of the characters. And when you can't find them interesting, you can't find the film interesting, plain and simple."
Ruby then said, "We need to journey to find more better movies to watch and other films to review. Anyways-", before she and her teammates heard a knock on the door.
The girls stood up and came over to open it, seeing Athena once again.
"Hey. How are you girls doing so far? We're going to eat dinner soon, and I was wondering if...later on, you could do a few games I was thinking of requesting for you ever since I've reviewed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III.", Athena greeted.
Ruby smiled, "We don't have any problem with that. Just finished that awful Hulk film that was released back in 2003, and yes, we were just gonna get ready for dinner too, in case you were wondering."
"What kind of games were you thinking of us to review?", Yang asks.
The orange-haired attorney then said, "You can borrow my SNES console that I've brought just for fun for this occasion. One game for each would do for the time being."
"Any games in particular?", Blake and Weiss questioned.
Athena answers, "Bebe's Kids and Blues Brothers for the SNES."
Team RWBY's eyes shot up.
"No way.", the four said in unison before keeping their cool, "Eh, whatever. We'll do both of them soon after dinner. I presume Cameron and Baiken are doing well with each other as friends?"
The female lawyer answered as the five left, "Oh, yes! There were no issues whatsoever. Maka, Sinon, Kasuga and the others have been waiting for us before dinner. Well be excited to share more memories with each other!"
End of Team RWBY's Commentary of Hulk (2003)
Up Next: Team RWBY's Game Commentary of Bebe's Kids (SNES)