The next morning, when Light came down for breakfast, he asked Mom and Sayu to keep Misa a secret from Dad.
Mom's face was guarded, and without pausing to let her mother establish the tone of the interaction, Sayu answered. "Sure thing. Dad's too stubborn, he won't get it."
The guarded look relaxed. "Yes, yes we will."
"Not just with Dad, though, with everyone – she's an up and coming model, she's not allowed to have a boyfriend." Light's expression was impeccably bashful, slightly pleased. If Sayu weren't staying on her toes, she'd have thought he meant it earnestly.
"Oh, no wonder she was so cute." Was that the truth, or just an excuse Light was making up? Ryuk had skimmed over enough of the details of last night's conversation that Sayu couldn't be sure. "I'll keep your secret for five thousand yen," she added with a grin, and Mom smacked her lightly with a newspaper and a smile. (Good, levity seemed to keep her grounded) Light made that little smile that had never been fake before, and the joke even startled a laugh out of Ryuk.
For a few minutes that morning, Sayu could pretend nothing was wrong.
The very next day, Misa came back.
Unable to meet with Ryuk for very long in the meantime, Sayu had done some research of her own, ostensibly just looking into her brother's new girlfriend. It turned out she had previously featured in several magazines her school friends subscribed to, and had a very successful modeling career. According to several blogs run by her superfans, her parents had died in a burglary when she was a child. That did seem like a suitable motive enough to join Kira; Sayu could see that kind of resentment and trauma leading her down a similar path, if she had been in such a position.
Nevertheless, when Misa came to visit again that evening, Sayu made only vapid small talk with her, complimenting her looks and her clothes, and making her the same promise she made to Light about their relationship.
Under it all, Sayu was watching Light and Misa like a hawk. Her brother was tense, a mild smile plastered on his face. Not a desired visit, then. Another data point towards Misa being a stalker. Misa looked and spoke and moved like there was nothing but air in her empty, cavernous skull - but her eyes, every so often, would glint that same curious red that Sayu sometimes saw behind Ryuk's pupils, and the beautiful, vapid girl would look into empty space like she saw something there.
(Sayu made a mental note to be more careful to not look directly at Ryuk in front of Light, after the supposed couple had gone upstairs. )
Misa had come out smiling and blushing, and Light looked relieved to see the back of her. Behind his back, Sayu gestured to Ryuk to come talk to her upstairs. Midnight, she mouthed. Ryuk couldn't respond, obviously, but she knew he understood.
"We haven't gotten to speak in a while."
"Yeah..." Ryuk scratched the top of his head. Something about his behavior was more stilted now – part of Sayu was eager to see it as him feeling nervous around her, but the crashing hand of realism came down as always to remind her it was far more likely he was put off by the presence of another shinigami. "A lot's been happening. You know, the other day, L said Light was his first ever friend."
Sayu's train of thought slammed into a brick wall at MACH 8. "He what?"
"Yeah! He said he really doesn't want Light to turn out to be Kira, because he's the first friend he's ever had."
Her brain rapidly went through the five stages of grief before circling back to denial. "That – no – that's absurd! Light's his prime suspect!"
"I know, real twist, right?" Ryuk said with all the excitement of someone discussing their favorite soap opera. "And Light's planning to have Rem kill L tomorrow!"
This was a lot. No, scratch that, this was too much. "Wait, wait wait wait – the other day you said Rem wanted to kill Light, right? That she was jealous of him? Why is she willing to kill for him all of a sudden? Explain things in the right order!"
Ryuk sat down, pulling out an apple. He had once told Sayu he appreciated being allowed to eat in her room, that Light was usually too much of a neat freak to risk drops of juice on the carpet. "Okay okay, sheesh. Basically, the logic he used on her was like this – she wants Misa to be happy. And Misa's in love with Light. She can only be happy with him. If L catches either of them, that's the end of Misa's happiness. So, Rem agrees to kill L. He set up a way to get in contact with them so he can tell her when he wants L dead. He just decided, like, right now, that he's going to kill L tomorrow."
"And I take it he didn't explain his reasoning."
"I, uh, I didn't really ask. Probably should've. Today was kind of - a lot to process, and again, it was like, right now, and I had to pretend I went to watch a movie at the neighbor's to come meet you."
Ryuk swallowed the core, taking the time to lick every last drop of the juice from his coal-black lips and pick the peel out from between his pearly, shark-like teeth. It felt like a torturous eternity and disappointingly short at the same time. "It may not sound complicated on the surface, but there was that thing with Light being L's friend, and then they had another circular logic double-reacharound debate about how Kira would behave, and then Misa 'randomly' showed up because she couldn't wait to see him again."
Another point towards Misa being a stalker. "I suppose all this happening on the same day is kind of weird," Sayu agreed. "Misa being in the mix seems to have complicated things. The more players, the faster the game goes."
Ryuk looked at her quietly for a moment. "You seem pretty calm about this. You don't think he's taking a big risk?"
Her lips quirked upward, and she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "Ryuk~ I thought you didn't understand human emotions!"
Ryuk looked very startled, and she laughed. "Seriously though, I do think he's taking a big risk. But you know what I've realized? If I freak out over every stupid decision he makes now, I'm going to be freaking out over every single decision for as long as this whole Kira fiasco goes on. It's his life he's playing with. I can only sit back and watch him ruin it," Sayu concluded bitterly. "Stoic philosophy states that you shouldn't make yourself suffer over things you can't control."
And the only way forward is through acceptance of the inevitable. Light is going to push his luck. He is going to cross lines I can't even imagine yet. He is going to get himself killed. Better to do as Ryuk does: not dwell on it, and enjoy the now.
"You're never going to tell him that you know?"
"What would be the point? He's stubborn, like Dad. He wouldn't take my opinions into account. All it would do is wound his ego, realizing he's not the only genius in the family and that I successfully kept it from him for all these years. He's better off focusing on L, without distractions that'll force him to make more mistakes."
"L, who admits that he's biased in Light's favor?" Ryuk asked, cocking his head curiously.
Sayu blinked rapidly. "Oh, wow, I'd forgotten about that, like, immediately. Yeah, that should help him."
It actually did put her mind somewhat at ease, even if she had never actually met L. Best not get too comfortable. It could be a ploy, and who knows how the guy treats his supposed friends. Ugh, sheesh, this whole stupid situation is making me buy into the whole 'I know that you know that I know that you know' bullshit!
Unexpectedly, a yawn came up, opening Sayu's mouth against her will. "I guess I'll find out if my brother kills his enemy or himself tomorrow. Either way, I need to sleep." Sayu stood up, stretching her arms. "Goodnight, Ryuk."
"...Goodnight."
If she had only known about the chaos that was to come, perhaps Sayu would've tried to prepare herself better.
That day was one she had promised to hang out with her friends at the mall. Yui and Akane, along with a friend of theirs from the class that took English before them (Sayu couldn't remember the girl's name) had all met up at the bus station, and started walking together to the mall, chatting and catching up. Despite her best efforts and the serene declaration she had made the previous night, Sayu couldn't get her mind off what was supposed to happen today.
L might die. That didn't guarantee her brother's safety – he had made himself involved in the case, he could be drawing even more attention to himself.
The four schoolgirls crossed the street together, pressed in on all sides by crowds, but holding hands to keep track of each other.
Far above, a billboard screen. Breaking news.
Teen model Amane Misa arrested on suspicion of being the Second Kira.
Sayu found herself being dragged the last ten feet by a frustrated Akane. "Sayu-chan, what the hell? We almost lost you!"
"I -" She couldn't deal with this and her friends at the same time. L probably knew Misa was Light's girlfriend if she was arrested – her behavior wouldn't be too suspicious. "Guys, I – I gotta go. I'm sorry – something's happened."
"Sayu!"
And she ran.
That would have consequences, she knew. Akane and Yui probably wouldn't speak to her for a few days. But Sayu couldn't help herself, this was, finally, too much, and she had to – she didn't know what she had to do, only that she had to do something.
Sayu took out her phone, and started calling Light.
"Hello, this is Yagami Light's phone. Please leave a message."
She swallowed. He would be wondering why Sayu called him if she didn't leave a message. What had she been meaning to say to him, anyway?
"Hey Light -" too casual, more serious "I don't know if you've seen the news..." too distant and vague "I'm, uh, - are you alright? I mean, of course not, but -"
What the hell was she doing? Sayu hung up, groaned, and sank down to sit on her butt in front of a drugstore.
This was pointless. This whole situation was a massive pile of shit, just one turd after another. She was so sick of feeling useless and disconnected from something so important to her life, to her family. Ryuk viewed the whole thing as one big show put on for his benefit, and he had more control over the situation than she did and she was sick sicksicksickSICK of helplessly watching while her whole world burned!
Sayu kicked a nearby pebble as hard as she could, ricocheting it off the curb and onto the street. The feeling of the stinging sensation, even through her shoe, brought some awareness and calm back. She breathed. In. Out.
No one would take her seriously as she was now. Her deception had kept her safe and sane for her whole life. It was now the one thing holding her back from doing damage control and keeping her loved ones safe. Not that Light would ever have been grateful for the intervention of his little sister on his behalf, openly a genius or not.
She could, perhaps, take on an alias, help from afar. But the idea of trying to enter as some mysterious third party with hidden motivations didn't seem like it would engender trust in Light. Sayu took another breath.
What happened to not making yourself suffer over things you can't control? The theory was sound, it made sense to Sayu, but it seemed like the reality was much harder to put into practice.
She stood up.
Where was she supposed to go? She could try to find her friends and rejoin them before confusion turned into resentment, but Sayu couldn't think of anything she would want less. She could try to go home, but home was... home had a mass murderer and another psychopath of a different breed. She loved them both, but she didn't want to be there either, not when she was like this. Not when she was vulnerable. There was really only one place she could go, to safely be alone with her thoughts.
The ice rink was closed for the day, but Sayu didn't feel like letting that stop her. She climbed the fence to reach the back entrance, and one rewiring of a keypad later, she was inside.
This was probably the dumbest, most reckless thing she'd ever done, Sayu admitted to herself as she made her way to her locker in the dark. The rink didn't have a very robust security system, but it would still be obvious someone had broken in. The security guard was snoring in his office, having apparently taken a Valium when he started his shift, and his laziness and idiocy was her gain, hopefully. She should have an hour or so, at least.
A few minutes later, sitting on the edge of the darkened rink, putting on her skates, it occurred to Sayu that, breaking and entering aside, skating in the dark was pretty dangerous, especially without a spotter and with no one knowing where she was.
She didn't care. The pain of a broken bone, hypothermia, consequences following actions – ideas felt foggy and incorporeal in her head. Sayu couldn't think – she needed to feel the bite of chilly air, hear the cut of blades across ice.
Besides, she knew this rink like the back of her hand, she didn't think she was likely to fall. Sayu hadn't practiced crossovers in a while, either. She kicked off, eyes closed, and could feel a deep peace settling over her.
After she got out to the middle of the rink, she attempted a camel spin. Sayu could tell the angle of her leg was off, but she wasn't practicing for a performance, so that was fine. She tried again. Better.
Basic upright spins. The hair she had forgotten to tie up flew into her face, and Sayu felt dizzy, a sense of euphoria climbing in her chest. It had been so long since she'd done something like this, taken a risk just to get away from real life – the adrenaline of the thrill and the exercise mingled in her blood and doused her bones in a cold shock, like dunking herself in a snowbank.
Sayu laughed, the sound coming out high and giggly and echoing around the massive space. She was alone in her own head, with no killers and no lurking specters of death, alone and alive and comfortable and free -
A bright flash glared straight into her eyes. Sayu gasped in shock, the sudden change in her night vision driving sparks into her head like a migraine.
She skidded against the momentum of her spin, skates scraping against the ice, but couldn't stop herself in time. Sayu slipped, landing hard on her shoulder onto the unyielding, frigid ice. A hiss of agony escaped from between her teeth.
"Hands in the air," a voice called out from one of the rink entrances.
Sayu hastily flipped onto her back, the melting ice quickly soaking her jacket. Standing in the space where she had entered, stood two police officers, one with his hand on the gun sheathed in his belt.
"Hands in the air," The one standing in front called out. "Just skate over here, nice and slow. We don't want any trouble, now, and I'm sure you don't either, kid. Running is only going to make this worse for you."
Still grimacing in pain, Sayu reluctantly got to her knees, and tried to raise her arms. Pain immediately shot through the shoulder she'd landed on, and she cried out.
"Are you alright?"
Deep breath. "I – I think I dislocated my shoulder." Sayu took another deep breath, and continued to hold up her arms.
Well. This wasn't her proudest moment.