Well, chapter 16 was pretty intense, huh? Sorry for messing with your feelings, but it felt necessary for the story. That being said, we still have a few chapters left, so have some faith in our favorite ship!

Enjoy Chapter 17!

The night is just plain awful.

He goes home from Hailey's place and he thinks. And thinks. And thinks.

It's funny because they barely spend any time over here, but everything in his apartment makes him think of Hailey.

He looks at his kitchen and he sees them trying and failing to make homemade waffles because he convinced her it would be a good Saturday morning activity. They both ended up with flour in their hair and just ended up ordering breakfast, but it's still one of his favorite memories.

The couch makes him think of movie nights and lazy weekends and slow stolen kisses while they are supposed to be paying attention to whatever was on the TV.

It all makes him think of her, which makes him think of the conversation they had just an hour ago, which makes him cry again.

It's big, fat, hot tears that he barely chokes out, that make his throat feel raw and make his head feel like it's going to burst.

He thinks about what he could have done differently during the past few weeks and even what he could have done differently on the day she got hurt. Maybe one different footstep or one different call would have saved them from weeks of pain.

Maybe if he did a better job of showing her, or telling her, all that they were, all that they could be, then maybe they both wouldn't be pacing back and forth in their respective apartments, overthinking and lonely.

Maybe it didn't matter how many stories he told her though. Maybe they would always end up at this same point.

He paces the apartment, trying to focus on the floor instead of the countless things that just make him think of her. But it's pointless because the very action makes him think of her.

Whenever they are arguing or she is overwhelmed, she paces. She's got too much nervous energy to stand still so she paces, rationalizing that it helps her think.

But tonight, it makes him think too much and it doesn't do its intended purpose of helping him think of something besides her.

He doesn't know what he feels. It could be anger, anger that she got hurt, or anger with her father for warping her view of relationships.

Maybe it's guilt for not pushing her out of the way when the bomb went off or for not being there enough for her during the past few weeks.

He thinks it could be sadness. Or remorse for all he has lost. Or even frustration about the fact that her damn memories still have not come back.

Jay sinks down onto the couch, but turning on the TV to drown out the silence seems pointless when he knows he won't focus on the screen. He checks his phone and sees no new notifications and knows better than to unlock his phone because he will inevitably end up in his camera roll scrolling through old pictures of them or looking through her social media accounts.

He wants to yell and he wants to scream, but then for a second, he wants to stop crying and just catch his damn breath. He doesn't think he's felt like this in a while, not since he was driving home from a hospital room after just finding out that she couldn't remember him.

Ten weeks ago, he cried because she forgot him. She forgot everything, the little details and the important moments. She couldn't remember when his birthday was or how he took his coffee. She didn't know what it felt like to kiss him and how much she loved him.

And at the time, Jay thought that was the most intense pain he would ever feel. But sadly, he was wrong.

Because fast forward ten weeks and he is crying because she forgot him and it didn't matter. She forgot him and she still chose him. But this time, it wasn't enough.

The fears crept in again and this time, it felt like the fears might just win.

With a sigh, he pushes himself off the couch and starts going through the motions of getting ready for bed, hoping the mundane actions will be enough to distract him.

They aren't.

He tries to sleep that night, but his apartment is too quiet without the sounds of her laughter and the bed is too big without her right next to him.

So, he does the only thing his body has enough energy to do right now. He sobs.

The next day is somehow worse.

Jay hides his emotions well and after countless years on the job, he has learned to separate work from home, but right now, he can't.

Not when he looks up from his desk expecting to see Hailey smirking at him, ready to steal one of his pens.

Not when he gets up to get a cup of coffee and thinks about how she should be there beside him, bumping against his shoulder and teasing him in that way that she does.

Not when she is his partner and she makes him a better cop and right now he can't do his job to the same capacity because she is not there next to him.

It's safe to say that he's a bit off that day.

Kim is the first to notice. She glances at him a few too many times in the bullpen that morning for it to be a coincidence and she finally says something while they are driving to talk to a suspect around 11:00 am.

"You good?" Kim asks quietly from the passenger seat.

Jay nods, keeping his eyes on the road. "Yeah. Late night, didn't sleep well."

"You really aren't good at lying, you know that right?" She chuckles and out of the corner of his eyes, he can see her staring at him.

"Kim-"

"I'm not saying you have to talk about it," She cuts him off. "And I know you normally would go to Hailey, but I get that it's a little complicated right now. So, if you need anything, you know you've got me and Adam and Kev."

"I know," He shoots her a small smile. "And I appreciate that, I really do."

"Jay, I know that-"

"Kim," he cuts her off with a sigh and shakes his head. He doesn't have the energy to fight her, but he most certainly also does not have the energy to tell her everything that's going on.

But, she must get it because she gives him a small nod and just starts flipping through the files in her lap without another word.

Kevin is next, making a comment while Jay is getting coffee after lunch.

"You good man?" Kevin asks as he wanders into the breakroom while Jay is pouring himself yet another cup of coffee.

"Yeah, man, I'm good." Jay says through a forced smile. "Didn't sleep well last night, lots of coffee today, you know the drill."

Kevin hums at his response. "Upton seemed a little off yesterday too. Everything good with her?"

Jay knows this is Kevin's kind way of asking if the odd behavior between the two detectives is related, but Jay doesn't bite. "Yeah, she's good. She mentioned she just had a pretty intense PT session the day before."

"Makes sense," Kevin murmurs as he grabs his own mug, holding it out for Jay to pour him a cup.

"You sure you're good though?" Kevin asks again gently. "I'm sure it's been a stressful couple of weeks for you too."

"Yeah," Jay nods.

"If there's anything you-"

"Kev, I'm good," Jay says, a little too harshly, immediately making him feel bad. "Thanks for the concern, but really, I'm good."

"As long as you're sure."

Jay sighs and sets down the coffee pot, giving Kevin one more apologetic glance before slipping out of the breakroom.

Adam catches him in the locker room at the end of the day and by this point, he is tired of the constant questioning. While he is thankful he's got friends that are so concerned about him, right now, he wishes they would give it a rest. Because he can't tell them what's really going on and he doesn't want to lie to them and keep saying he's fine.

"You talk to Upton today?" The officer asks from across the room, leaning back from his locker to see Jay.

"Nah," Jay shakes his head. "Think she was busy over at the hospital."

Adam hums at his answer, seemingly accepting it. "You know, we were gonna go grab drinks tonight. Maybe take our minds off of every-"

"Can't," Jay cuts him off, shutting his locker abruptly. "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow, Adam."

Jay walks out to his truck quickly, keeping his head down so no one stops him for yet another conversation. As soon as his doors are locked and his engine is running, he lets out a loud groan. Normally, right now, he would go to Hailey's, but obviously, that is out of the question. The last place he wants to go to is Molly's and have a bunch of people ask him about Hailey. And home sounds like hell right now, all the silence, the reminders of her.

So, for two hours, he drives. He thinks and he yells and he cries and he drives.

It doesn't make him feel better.

Because the truck is too silent when she's not in the passenger side seat.

If he's in his truck, she belongs there next to him, humming along to whatever dumb song is on the radio or commenting on the billboards she sees as she gazes out the window. Even on the car rides where they don't say a word, just her presence next to him, her hand lazily on his thigh, is enough to make everything alright.

But tonight, he drives alone and it's just another reminder that things between them are...complicated.

When Jay gets home, he makes a beeline for the shelf where he keeps the liquor. The silence gives him too much room to think and right now, he just wants to stop thinking.

But the bottle he grabs is the nice bottle of whisky that Hailey gave to him for his birthday and just holding the bottle in his hand has the opposite effect, his mind now going a million miles an hour.

He's angry, he's hurt, he's confused, and he's so damn lonely. He can't go to his friends no matter how much he wants to and the only person in the world he wants to talk to has told him that she needs space.

He doesn't want space. He wants to drive across town and bang on her door and tell her that he needs her, that he will do anything to get her back, that these past ten weeks have been so hard and he can't lose her again.

But he can't do that and he can't get her out of his head and he wants to forget too, even if it's just for a few hours, but he can't bring himself to pour the whisky into a glass.

Because there is a little voice in the back of his head that sounds like a particular blonde detective that tells him he is better than this, that reminds him that he has learned new ways to deal with the pain.

"You gotta talk to someone when you're feeling overwhelmed Jay. Talk to me or someone else on the team or Will or even your therapist. But you gotta promise me you'll talk to someone."

But he can't go to Hailey and his friends don't even know about their initial relationship, so he most certainly can't go to them. He thinks he could call Will, but he knows his brother is barely hanging on over at the hospital and he feels bad burdening him with this yet again.

Another name flashes through his mind and Jay thinks maybe he shouldn't even reach out, he should just drink the damn bottle and cry himself to sleep and let that be the end of it, but he knows that's not what he needs.

He needs to finally talk about this.

So, he sends a text asking his friend if he's got a few free minutes to talk and clicks off his phone while he puts away the whisky and forces himself to eat for the first time today. It's as he is finishing up his meal and is cleaning up for the night that he hears his phone go off, alerting him to an incoming text.

Mouse: I can talk at 7:30 am tomorrow your time. You better have a shirt on.

"Okay, I've got like fifteen minutes to talk before they find me. What's going on?"

Jay chuckles at his friend's immediacy, remembering how hard it was to find privacy to take a phone or video call when he was overseas, especially if the call was not scheduled well ahead of time. He glances down at the picture of his friend on his phone as he finishes locking up his apartment and starts heading out to his truck to drive to work.

"Just thought we could catch up, you know?" Jay laughs. "It's been a while."

"Yeah, no that's not it. You look like crap and you texted me out of the blue. Something's going on. Talk to me brother."

"Tell me how you are first. I miss you, Mouse."

"It's the army, Jay. You know what it's like," Mouse deadpans. "Tell me something to distract me. What about that girl of yours? She there with you?"

Jay lifts the phone to his face as he walks down the stairs of his apartment complex and shakes his head. Mouse immediately shifts, cocking his head to the right in question. "Everything okay with you two?"

Jay sighs. "Not really."

Mouse hums. "That why you called? You know it's been a while since Jay Halstead called me with girl problems."

Jay rolls his eyes as he steps out into the cold Chicago air. He misses this, the laughing and banter with his best friend, and it all makes him wish that they were in the same time zone.

"I thought things were going well," Mouse continues. "What happened?"

Jay hesitates, trying to find the words to explain all the chaos of the last few weeks. Mouse just sighs, rolling his eyes as he mutters, "Thirteen minutes, Jay."

"I just don't want the whole call to be depressing," Jay tells him as he hops into his truck. He throws his keys onto the passenger side seat, rationalizing that he is already going to be ridiculously early for work, he might as well take a few minutes to have a proper conversation with his best friend.

"Jay, I literally live in a war zone. Whatever you tell me is gonna be the only distraction I get today. I can handle whatever you're gonna throw at me. Clearly, something's on your mind, so spill."

Jay sighs. "Hailey got hurt. It was a couple of weeks ago. There was a bombing and she hit her head."

"She okay?"

Jay nods. "Physically, she's all healed. But she's got amnesia."

"Amnesia? Like she doesn't remember who she is or anyone else kind of amnesia?"

"Not quite," Jay chuckles softly. "She knows who she is, but she doesn't remember anything from the past seven years."

"So, she doesn't remember you? Or your relationship?" Mouse asks and Jay nods. "Wow, that must be rough man, I'm sorry. How are you doing with it?"

Jay bites the inside of his cheek because his first instinct is to say "fine" but he knows that's not the truth. And he didn't call his friend just to lie to him.

"Awful. It has been pure hell. Man, I thought she was gonna die that day," His voice cracks with the words and he looks out the truck window, trying to focus on the street in an attempt to stop the tears from forming. He thinks it's the first time he has ever even said that aloud, the fact that he was terrified he was going to lose her that day, and just the taste of the words in his mouth are enough to make him sick.

"And then she didn't," Jay continues, voice thick with tears, "And I was so happy that she was alive only for her to not even know my name."

"Jay, that sounds awful. I can't even imagine."

"It was," Jay lets out a watery chuckle. "The funny thing is though, she was okay with me hanging around with her. She was so comfortable with this stranger and we spent all of this time together."

"How'd that go?" Mouse asks softly.

"Good," Jay hums and he can't help the small smile that curls on his lips because it was so good, even if it hurt. "I told her our story and we went places that she liked, and it felt like we were making so much progress. And then, I took her out of town so we could both experience something new for the first time and she didn't have to feel overwhelmed by not having her memories and she kissed me. She kissed me, man. She decided to be with me again, even without her memories."

"That's great, Jay," Mouse says. "So, what's wrong?"

Jay lets out a low breath. "She got scared. The other night, she said she wanted to take a break, figure some things out. We haven't talked since. I'll see her today at work and I have no clue what's gonna happen."

Mouse processes Jay's words, nodding to himself before asking, "What are you thinking?"

Jay sighs. "I get that it's a lot in a short amount of time and she's had difficulties with relationships in the past, but...I don't know. I guess I just hoped that even with everything going on, we would still be fine. And I'm trying to be supportive and give her space, but man, it sucks."

Mouse is quiet for a moment, head cocked to the side in thought and after a good thirty seconds of silence, Jay finally breaks.

"What?"

"Nothing," Mouse hums. "I've just never seen you like this."

"Freaking out and crying?"

"In love."

Jay scrunches his face up in question as he shifts in the front seat, turning to rest his back against the door. "You've seen me in relationships, Mouse."

"Not like this," Mouse argues. "You were so gone for Hailey way before you guys started dating that it was actually disgusting. But now? Man, I've never seen you this heartbroken over anything. She must be something special."

"She is," Jay murmurs, and this time, he does not even attempt to stop the tears that are forming in his eyes. "I was gonna marry her. We were gonna move in together and I was gonna buy her some ring and we were gonna have the whole damn thing. And now…"

His voice trails off because now? Now is unknown and it hurts to even think about what could happen next.

"Man, I can't even imagine what you are going through," Mouse says in a small voice. "It must be impossible."

"Yeah," Jay scoffs lightly, wiping at his tears with the back of his hand. "It feels pretty impossible. So, if you got any sound advice, now would be the time to give it."

Mouse chuckles and thinks for a moment, biting his lip before looking at Jay hesitantly. "I have something, but I don't think you are gonna like it."

"Why?"

"Because you like to fix things. You like action and you like making things better. It used to drive me crazy…" Mouse shakes his head with a laugh. "But you know what I needed when I was a hot mess? I didn't need you to fix things for me. I just needed you to be there and support me. Do that with Hailey. Just show her you're not going anywhere."

"That's what I've been doing though."

"Then keep doing it. Because, Jay, I think that's all you can do right now," Mouse says. "And maybe have a little bit of faith that you love her enough that she's going to believe it.

"You think that will help?" Jay whispers.

Mouse nods. "If you love her even half as much as I think you do, then she'll know you're serious."

He thinks maybe Mouse is right. Maybe if he just gives her space and shows her that he means it when he says he is not going anywhere, maybe she will see it and start to believe it.

After all, that's not too far off from how it happened the first time.

"When did you become so wise?" Jay asks with a soft chuckle.

"Hell, if I know," Mouse says and it's enough to make Jay's laughter grow. "We gotta change that though because I cannot be the smart one out of the two of us. You're supposed to be the smart one, I'm the devilishly handsome one."

"More like the annoying one."

"And yet you called me for advice."

"I did," Jay murmurs. "And it was some pretty decent advice."

Mouse shoots him that smirky grin Jay knows so well, taking a moment to be proud of himself before adding. "Look, man, I'm not saying it's gonna be easy. I'm just saying that if you really love her as much as I think you do, then you are strong enough to give her the space she needs. Don't try to fix this. Just show her that there's nothing to be scared of when it comes to you. And, you know, occasionally call your best friend to rant when it all becomes too overwhelming."

Jay laughs at the last part, but for the first time since he left Hailey's after their conversation the other night, he feels a little lighter. If he was able to show her once that he was serious about this, he can do it again and no amount of waiting is too long when it comes to her.

"Thanks, Mouse," Jay murmurs. "I think I just needed someone to talk some sense into me to keep me from spiraling."

"Of course," Mouse says softly. "And I'm happy to do the job while your girl is out of commission."

"How many minutes we got left?" Jay asks.

Mouse glances down at his watch. "Three. You need to talk some more or do you want me to distract you for a few minutes before you start inevitably freaking out about seeing Hailey?"

"What do you think?"

Mouse lets out a loud laugh and leans back in his chair, making a show of getting comfortable. "So, picture this. It's 5 am and Sergeant Ortiz and I got our hands on a taser gun…"

Friday morning, Jay arrives to work before anyone else. The bullpen is quiet, with Voight hidden in his office and the other three officers not yet arriving for the day. Jay sits at his desk, tapping away at his computer, finishing up some reports from the previous day.

After his conversation with Mouse, Jay feels a little bit better about everything, but he is still incredibly nervous about seeing Hailey today. He is just unsure of how the day will go. It is unlike him, to just not know where he stands with her and he really just wishes he could figure it out.

When he sees the top of her head start to come over the stairs, he feels his heart race a little, a mixture of nervousness and anticipation.

But when she shoots him a small, welcoming smile, he feels the racing of his heart slow and he thinks maybe things will be okay between them today. And when that little smile on her face grows when she spots what is on her desk, so does his belief.

"You got me coffee?"

Jay shrugs. "Habit."

It's more than a habit. It's his way of saying they are good, that he is not mad at her, and that he is not going anywhere.

"Just show her you're not going anywhere."

"Thanks," She murmurs as she shrugs off her coat and sits down. She takes a few sips of her coffee, smiling as she does so.

"I should be the one getting you coffee," She murmurs. "As a peace offering."

Jay hums, not quite sure how to respond. "That's not necessary."

Her cheeks raise in a small, toothless smile and she holds out the coffee in what seems to be a silent thank you.

"The gang missed you here yesterday," Jay continues when she doesn't say anything. "It was quiet."

She nods quickly as she settles into her seat. "How did things go here?"

"Good."

This isn't them, the uneasiness and the awkward small talk, and it makes him feel uncomfortable.

"You guys have a case?" She asks.

"Just wrapped one yesterday," He tells her. "You have-"

"Paperwork," Hailey cuts him off, a little too quickly and she pauses a moment before gently adding, "I saw Will yesterday."

"At the hospital?"

"Yeah," She hums.

"That's good."

And again, it's silence and he's not sure if he should keep trying to engage in conversation or just go back to working and let her drink her coffee in peace.

"Did you-"

"How was-"

Hailey chuckles nervously and he stays quiet, hoping she will finish her thought, but she doesn't, instead taking another sip of her coffee.

"I was just gonna ask how your appointments went?" He starts.

"Good."

It's not the truth, that much he knows, but he can't find the words to ask her why, so he tightens his lips and nods.

And again, it's silent. He almost thinks to ask her to finish her question from just a few moments ago, but he is not sure what the use is, so he doesn't. When he glances up at her, she's got an unsettled look on her face.

She opens her mouth to say something but stops herself, instead taking a slow sip of her coffee.

"What?"

Hailey shakes her head. "It's nothing."

Jay cocks his head to the side and raises an eyebrow, a silent challenge, and she sighs, setting down her coffee.

"I was just gonna say...I don't know. I was kinda worried about you after everything," She says, biting her lip as she pauses. "But I'm happy you seem to be doing good."

He chuckles to himself, because if only she saw him Wednesday night when he was losing his mind or last night when he was ready to drink his whole entire liquor shelf.

But it's not lost on him that there's a little look of something in her eye, maybe disappointment or relief, but he can't quite tell.

"I don't know if good is the word I would use," Jay hums. "But work still has to get done, so-"

"That makes sense," She murmurs, glancing down at her desk.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," She looks up at him. "Yeah...I did a lot of thinking yesterday...probably too much. Apartment's really quiet, you know?"

"Did the thinking help?" He asks.

"Yeah, I mean, I-" She starts but stops mid-sentence as she hears chatter coming from the stairwell. Not even a moment later, Kim and Adam are rounding the corner and making their way up the stairs, wishing the detectives a good morning.

"Later" Hailey mouths and Jay nods.

He knows it's not a conversation they should be having at work, but he can't help but feel disappointed that they were interrupted. Still, though, it feels nice to just be talking to her again.

"Later" doesn't happen, at least not right away, because they catch a double homicide shortly after the others arrive for the day and it's nothing but pure chaos after that. Jay is in and out of the bullpen all day and every time he sees Hailey, she is deep in her own research for the case or she is in the middle of a conversation with Voight or Trudy.

It's like they keep missing each other in all the chaos but every time he manages to catch a glimpse of her, she shoots him a small smile that reassures him "later" will come and they will be okay.

He catches her for a moment while they are in the back room that afternoon and she is showing him pod footage of the block where the homicide occurred. It's the first uninterrupted moment they have after their conversation that morning and it feels a little strange because it's so different.

Normally when they are back here alone, it's sweet glances and banter and teasing. But today, it's embarrassed glances and awkward tension and loud thoughts.

"Is Kim coming?" Hailey asks hesitantly as she sits at the computer, Jay standing behind her.

"She had to call Makayla's babysitter to let her know she's gonna be late tonight," He tells her. "She said she needed like five minutes."

"Should we start without her or-" Hailey cranes her neck backward to look at him.

"No," Jay shakes his head. "Then you're just gonna show us the footage twice."

Hailey nods and spins her chair to face Jay but doesn't say anything. She keeps her eyes on the ground and he just stands in place behind her, both waiting for the other to say something.

"Jay-"

"Hailey-"

They talk over each other, both blushing and immediately motioning for the other to start.

"You go first," Hailey whispers.

Jay sighs, coming to sit on the edge of the desk next to her. "You believed me when I told you we were good, right? Because this all feels a little…"

"Weird?" She offers and he nods.

"Yeah," He murmurs. "I just don't want things to be weird at work while we are trying to figure things out."

"I believed you," She looks up at him softly. "I just don't know how exactly we are supposed to act."

Jay chuckles. "To be honest, I have no idea either."

"I mean, it's not like we broke up," She starts nervously, and he raises a confused eyebrow at her words. She just cocks her head to the side with a knowing smile before continuing. "It's just a weird spot, you know? The whole in between. I don't really like it."

"I don't like it either. You know this morning when you said you thought I was doing good?" He asks with a warm chuckle and she looks up at him curiously, nodding silently at his question.

"Normally after a breakup, I might be happy that the other person thought I was doing good," He says. "I didn't want you to think that though. But I also didn't want to be honest with you because that made me feel bad too."

"What do you mean?" She asks in a small voice and he cocks his head towards her. Her lips form in a "oh" as she gets what he is saying.

He doesn't want to tell her that he has basically been doing terrible and make her feel guilty for needing some time to figure things out.

Although, he is sure she is feeling pretty terrible right now too, and is holding back for his sake as well.

"So, is that where we are at?" She laughs lightly. "Neither of us knows how to act and neither of us is doing well?"

"Basically," He hums and it feels like the most truthful he has been with her today.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that we probably were never like this?" She smiles shyly and it makes him laugh because, like always, she is spot on.

"Nope," He hums. "Even when we would come into work arguing with each other, I think we found a way to make it all work."

"It must have been hard," Hailey murmurs as she leans back in her chair to look up at him. "Never being able to escape each other. Other couples can be mad or upset with each other and then go to work and avoid each other for eight hours."

"Yeah...but we always had a way of figuring things out."

She looks skeptical, like maybe this is the thing that they can't figure out, like the memory loss and fears are too big a challenge for them and they are never going to be on steady ground again.

And he can't promise her that they are going to come up with a perfect solution for all of those issues, but he can promise her he's not going to leave in the process.

"Hailey, I meant what I said. I'm not mad. We are good."

She raises a sad eyebrow and lets out a sigh. "Even though I told you I basically have no clue what I want or what I'm doing?"

"You're going through a lot," He says. "I get that you need time."

"This affects you too though," She argues softly. "You can't keep pretending like it doesn't."

He knows that little detail is something she probably has been dwelling on since Wednesday night and it's the thing that makes her terrified out of her mind that he is going to get up and leave. He is about to respond when he hears footsteps, signaling that Kim is done with her phone call and making her way to the detectives.

"Interrupted again," Hailey sighs.

"That's on us for trying to have important conversations at work," Jay says with a chuckle, standing and taking a step away from the desk.

"Maybe one day we'll learn?" Hailey spins her chair so she is facing the computer screen.

"Probably not," Jay laughs.

"Later?" Hailey throws her head over her shoulder to look at him.

He just nods as Kim comes into the room.

By the time the day is done, Jay knows that "later" won't be happening anytime soon.

It's late when Jay tumbles into the locker room, ready to just grab his things and leave. The team just spent the past four hours driving around Chicago, desperately hunting leads, only to come back with nothing. He is dead on his feet and ready to just go home, fall into bed, and wake up tomorrow and repeat the cycle. It's one of those frustrating cases where they just can't seem to catch a break and he knows tomorrow is going to be another long day as they try to catch their suspect.

When he walks into the locker room, though, he is surprised to see Hailey standing at her locker, quietly gathering her things.

"Thought you went home for the night," He says softly to not startle her. She looks up at him with a warm smile.

"Figured I would stay and help as much as I could," She says with a sigh. "Rough case, didn't feel right going home just because I can't go out into the field. Plus, it's not like there is anything at home."

He looks up from unlocking his locker, catching the defeated look on her face. They are both tired, him physically but both of them emotionally, and they are in no position to have the conversation that they need to have. But he gets what she is saying about there not being anything at home.

"Hailey-"

"I know," She cuts him off gently. "Not tonight. I just don't like the not knowing where I stand... where we stand."

He does not bother getting his belongings out of his locker or even closing the metal door when he takes a few steps to stand in front of her, resting against the locker next to hers.

"I know," He whispers. "I know we need to talk about a lot, but we are good, okay?"

She closes her own locker and leans back, her head tilted up towards the ceiling. "It's just all so confusing, you know? I mean, the only really clear memories I have are of my childhood. And my dad...he really messed up how I viewed love and relationships. So, I guess I am just having a hard time figuring out how I go from that to what we had."

She has told him in the past that love, relationships, emotional vulnerability, none of it came easy to her. Love was something dangerous in her life, something that was constantly intertwined with hurt, and unlearning that took time. So, he gets why she is struggling so much with this when those are the only memories she still holds.

She does not remember that she learned that love can be good, that it does not have to hurt, that what they have is so different than every picture of love she has ever seen.

"Took time," Jay tells her. "You put in a lot of hard work to be better. And it took us years to even be remotely ready for the idea of a relationship. And it's not like it was always easy."

"Yeah?"

He thinks back to his conversation with Mouse, of having faith and showing her that he's not leaving, and it jogs something in his mind, a small smile curling on his lips.

"Did I ever tell you the story of when I brought up the idea of moving in together?" He asks her. She turns her head against the lockers so she can see him better, shaking her head gently.

"We stayed at my apartment one night and then we got called to a scene really early the next morning," He says with a small smile. "I don't even remember what you were trying to find, but you needed something and it was definitely back at your apartment. So, I made this comment about how we should just have all of our stuff at one place and move in together."

"And?" Hailey asks hesitantly.

"You freaked out," He chuckles. "The whole case you were acting really off. You wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't let me know what was bothering you. That night when we talked you said you were scared we were moving too fast. You said you hadn't really had a healthy relationship before we met and you weren't sure how to do it."

"And what did you say?"

"That I hadn't really had a good relationship either and that I was scared too. But that I knew I wanted to figure this all out with you."

"So, I was scared before too?"

"Yeah. We both were," He tells her. "But we were also both committed to making this work. So, we figured it out."

Hailey lets out a small laugh. "Figuring it out seems a lot easier said than done."

Jay shrugs. "But we did it."

It was hard, that much is true, but they did it nonetheless. Because they were partners and the love they had for each other was stronger than the fears or the pain of the past. So, they figured it out.

"You really think we can figure it out again?" She whispers.

"I know it."

She sighs and turns her head to look up at the ceiling again and he can tell she does not quite believe him. He takes a step back, going back over to his locker and digging out his wallet, pulling out a small folded-up paper as he walks back over to her.

He hands her the paper and she looks at him, confused as she unfolds it, revealing a picture. She studies the small photograph in her hands and it looks like nothing more than some old picture of the two of them. It's from Molly's from their first month of dating and they are both laughing and looking at each other, not even aware that Will was taking the picture.

"You carry a picture of us in your wallet?" She glances up at him questioningly.

"Turn it over."

She does as he says and her eyes grow when she notices her small, neat handwriting on the back.

I'll always have your six. Love you partner.

"What is this?" She breathes out.

"You put that in my locker one day," He says softly. "It was the anniversary of my mom's death and then we caught this terrible case with kids and I was just a mess the whole week. But you supported me and you snuck that into my locker. You said you wanted to make me smile."

The little story results in a smile of her own, a small soft grin growing as she turns the picture over in her hands.

"Why are you showing me this?" She whispers gently as she turns against the lockers, her right side now pressed up against the metal so she is standing square with him.

"I wanted to show you that you did figure it out," He says. "You were scared but you did get there. I know I've told you...but I thought you might want to see it too."

Her eyes are glassy when she looks up at him and she's got that look she always gets when there are a million thoughts running through her head.

"Thank you," She whispers as she hands the picture back to him, but he shakes his head.

"Keep it," He tells her. "For as long as you need."

What he really means is take your time, I'm not going anywhere and he knows by the smile he gets in response that she understands his unspoken words loud and clear.

"If you love her even half as much as I think you do, then she'll know you're serious."

"We should get going," She says softly, a bit of disappointment in her voice. "You must be exhausted."

Part of him wants to make some joke or even just dismiss his tiredness, but he does not have it in him. And, he knows that neither of them is in the headspace to continue this conversation tonight, so he agrees.

"Yeah," He takes a step back and goes to his locker yet again, finally grabbing his jacket and keys and closing his locker door. They are quiet as they slip out of the locker room, walking in silence to the parking lot, just a few inches away from each other.

When they walk through the door and the cold Chicago air hits them, they stand there in silence for a moment, neither quite ready to call it a night. He notices that she is still holding the picture firmly in her hands, making him smile.

"Goodnight Jay," She says first in a small whisper.

"Night Hailey," He says as he watches her walk to her car on the other side of the parking lot. It is not until he sees her open up her driver's side door that he finally finishes the walk over to his truck.

He does not know what he feels when he drives home. Maybe it's sadness that they are still not where they were or maybe it's relief that they are still okay even if things are hard right now. But he knows, deep down, he still feels love and he's got no problem waiting however long she needs.

That night isn't good, but it's better.

Reviews?

See you next week for Chapter 18!