"I'm an open book, you know that."
He nods in wordless reply, reaching for his beer in front of him and taking a long pull from the bottle.
"You all done?" Jay asks her a moment later, tipping his bottle to the food in front of them.
"Yeah, you?"
He nods again and pulls himself to his feet, leaning down to pick up the remnants of their dinner to toss it in the trash.
Hailey stares after him as he walks away from her, his words echoing in her mind in a loop she can't turn off.
I could've done something.
I should've and I didn't.
It was straight up murder.
Just murder and lies.
Hailey swallows hard, dropping her head down to stare at her hands in her lap, hands that tremble from the knowledge of what she's done, the secret she's keeping from the person she loves most in this world.
She breathes out a quiet sigh and looks up to see Jay making his way back to her, so she pushes her thoughts to the back of her head. She'll deal with them later.
"You okay?" She calls out to him.
"I will be," he tells her before offering a tight-lipped smile as he stands in front of her.
He reaches out a hand to her and when she grabs onto it, he pulls her to her feet, glancing at the mountains of boxes surrounding them.
"We have a lot of unpacking to do," he tells her.
Hailey shakes her head, pulling her hand from his as she takes a step closer to him and slides her arms around his waist. "Unpacking can wait. It's our first night here and it's been a rough few days for you. Let's make some happy memories tonight instead of thinking of the bad ones."
"I like your plan a lot more," he says, lifting his arms around her shoulders and squeezing her against him. "What'd you have in mind?"
Hailey cocks her head to the side, glancing over at the balcony doors. "What do you say we change out of these jeans and have a few beers on the balcony? Take in the view?"
"Sounds good to me," he tells her with a soft grin.
Hailey nods, smiling back at him as he leans down and presses his lips to her forehead in a quick kiss, and then drops his arms from around her.
They make their way into the bedroom – their bedroom, maneuvering around more boxes, Jay heading for a stack in one corner and Hailey to another. He changes into sweatpants while she pulls on a pair of leggings.
"I'm gonna grab the beer. Meet you out there?" Hailey calls over to him after she pulls on some socks.
He nods and she slips out of the room, heading into the kitchen. There's hardly anything in there or the fridge for that matter, but their favorite beer will do just fine for now. She grabs the six-pack they'd gotten earlier and makes her way back to the living room and up the little set of steps leading to the balcony doors, smiling when she sees him waiting for her through the half open blinds.
She steps out onto the balcony through one door, closing it behind her and he smiles at her.
"No furniture out here yet, but what do ya think?" Jay asks, nodding to one corner of the balcony.
Hailey turns her head, smiling wider when she finds a few pillows propped up against the wall, one blanket covering the ground to sit on and another for them to use. It's been considerably warm for this time of year, but the sun has long since gone down and there's a chill in the air now.
"I think it's perfect," Hailey tells him, looking back at him.
She takes another step forward and reaches for his hand, tugging him toward her and leading him to the little nest of comfort he's created for them.
Jay sits down first, leaning against the pillowed wall and Hailey hands him their beers, then sits down to the right of him.
He pops open the bottles and hands one to her, jutting his chin at her. "Should we toast?"
"With beer?" She asks, quirking an eyebrow at him.
"We don't have wine or champagne, so humor me."
She chuckles, but nods as she lifts her bottle to his.
"To us and our new home and starting the rest of our lives together," he says quietly, a smile on his face as he looks her in the eyes. He clinks the neck of his bottle against hers and says, "Cheers."
"Cheers," she whispers with a sweet smile as they both tip their bottles back and take a swig. And another beat later she says, "Who knew you were such a romantic?"
"Only with you," he says, taking another pull from his bottle and setting it down beside him.
He leans forward to grab the extra blanket he'd brought out and drapes it over their outstretched legs, and then reaches for Hailey's left hand.
"We're really doing this," he says, threading his fingers with hers. "Living together, being engaged, sharing a life with one another."
"Looks that way. You can still back out now, ya know? Run for the hills."
He smirks at her, shaking his head. "Only place I wanna run to is the altar with you. I'd marry you tomorrow if you'd let me."
"Don't tempt me," she whispers, squeezing his fingers between hers and smiling at him as she leans in to press her lips against his in a slow kiss.
He's kissing her back instantly, just as slow and sweet and good, keeping one hand threaded with hers and lifts the other to the side of her face. He holds her cheek in his palm, swipes his tongue over her bottom lip, and she opens her mouth to him to deepen their kiss.
She leans into him as his hand slides from the side of her face to the back of her head, holding her close. A mix of smacking lips and brushing tongues, guttural moans that are swallowed between kisses.
Hailey moans quietly again as she pulls her lips from his just slightly, a flush in her cheeks and her eyes bright blue and all but sparkling.
"I still can't believe we really did this," she whispers against his lips.
He raises an eyebrow at her, a hint of a smirk over his lips. "Now who's having second thoughts?"
"Nuh uh, no second thoughts," she tells him. "It just doesn't feel real. I mean, we live together, and we're really engaged. We're getting married."
He nods, a full grin on his face. "We do and we are."
"I would marry you tomorrow too, ya know?" She asks him, squeezing his fingers between their joined hands.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she breathes out. "I could see us going to the courthouse and having it be just the two of us."
"You don't want a big wedding? No fancy party with all our family and friends."
"I just want you," Hailey tells him.
"You have me," he says, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "And you're gonna have me for the rest of your life."
"I like the sound of that," she whispers, squeezing his hand once more and resting her head on his shoulder.
"Ya know, we're gonna need to put a ring on that finger of yours soon," he tells her, brushing a thumb over the top of her hand as he leans his head against hers.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he says, but he's quick to notice way she tenses beside him and asks, "Do you not want a ring?"
"I don't know," she says, lifting her head to look him in the eyes. "I never really thought about it to be honest. The idea of marriage was always kinda scary to me when I was a kid."
He gives a slow nod as he glances down at their joined hands, brushing his thumb over her skin again.
"It's not so scary anymore though," she tells him a beat later.
"No?" He asks, lifting his eyes to meet hers again.
She shakes her head, lips curling into a soft smile. "Marrying you is the furthest thing from scary."
Jay nods again, smiling back at her as they stare at one another, fingers threaded tightly together, and he tilts his head at her when he notices the way she shivers just slightly beside him.
"Come here," he says, letting go of her hand and pulling the blanket from over them.
He spreads his legs, patting the empty space between them and she smiles at him as she leans up on her knees and climbs over him. She sits between his legs, stretching hers out against his and leaning back into his chest. He grabs the blanket and throws it over her lap, covering most of their legs and wraps his arms around her from behind.
"Better?" He asks over her shoulder.
"Much better," she says, leaning her head back against him.
He rests his hands over her shirt covered stomach, his head against the side of hers, both staring out at the lit-up skyline of Chicago that sits in front of them.
"This view was worth it," Hailey whispers minutes later, one hand resting over the top of his and the other on his leg.
"Wouldn't go that far," he says, making her chuckle.
"It was a little pricey, huh?"
"Not as pricey as some of the other places we saw. This place has everything we both wanted though, plenty of room too. Although, three bedrooms for the price we got it for is kind of a steal when you think about it."
She nods, laughing quietly. "Yeah, plenty of space for your ridiculous CD collection. I mean, who even buys those things anymore?"
"Says the one with the shelf loads of books," he counters, sliding a hand from her stomach to tickle her side.
She squirms against him, laughing again. "So we're both hoarders. That's great."
He chuckles, tightening his arms around her and leaning down to press his lips against her neck.
"It's a good investment though," he says a moment later. "For the future."
"The future, huh?"
"Yeah, maybe one with a kid or two. A little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes."
"You wanna have kids with me?" Hailey asks, turning her head and tilting her neck to look up at him.
"Yeah, I wanna have kids with you, you goof," he smiles. "Why wouldn't I?"
She shrugs against him, trailing the tips of her fingers over his hand and along his arm beneath the blanket. "Guess it's another thing I never really gave too much thought about."
"I never thought much about it either. Never thought I'd meet someone I'd wanna have them with," he says, squeezing his arms around her and staring down into her eyes. "But I do want that with you, if it's something you want too down the road."
She nods, but doesn't say anything, just drags her fingers up and down his arm as she turns her head from him and stares out at the city lights again.
"I'm sorry I brought it up," he says quietly, placing a kiss against the side of her head.
"Don't be sorry," she shakes her head, squeezing his leg beside hers. "I'm just thinking."
"About?"
"A little boy with green eyes and freckles all over," she says quietly, turning her head again to look at him. "I never thought I'd meet someone I'd wanna have them with either."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she says, leaning up to press a kiss to his jawline, and then whispers, "I love you."
"I love you too," he says, and then he's pressing his lips to hers in a quick kiss before he's looking her in the eyes again. "You know what you told me earlier? About how I didn't have to tell you anything, but that I could, and you'd love me all the same?"
Hailey nods, sure she knows where he's going with this, but she lets him continue, nonetheless.
"That goes for you too, ya know?" Jay tells her, tightening his arms around her. "There will never be anything you could say to me or anything you could do that would make me love you any less than I do."
"You mean that?"
"Of course I mean that," he assures her, pulling an arm from beneath the blanket and bringing his hand to her face. "I'm always gonna love you. I'm always gonna want you and us, and this. I promise you that'll never change, Hailey."
She nods again, swallowing hard as she keeps her eyes on his, trying not to think about the words sitting on the tip of her tongue, ready to tumble out. "There is something I haven't told you, but I don't…I don't know how to talk about it yet. I – I'm scared."
He nods slowly and brushes his thumb over her cheek. "I know and that's okay. I'll be here when you're ready."
She breathes out a heavy sigh, the familiar sting of tears burning in the corners of her eyes as she wills them not to fall. She pulls her face from his hand to turn her body halfway between his legs, lying against him with her head on his chest and the beat of his heart sounding in her ear.
"You make me feel safe," she whispers, bringing a hand against his chest beside her face. "You make this place feel like home."
"It is your home. It's our home," he tells her quietly, wrapping his arms around her body and rocking her slowly.
"You're my home. Whenever I'm with you, wherever we are. That's home," she says, breathing him in as she snuggles in closer against him.
He squeezes his arms around her, holding her as close to him as he can, and leans his head down to ghost his lips over her forehead as he whispers, "You're my home too."
She breathes out another heavy sigh, nodding against him and sliding her hand down his chest to wrap her arm around him. "Can we stay out here for a while?"
"We can stay out here as long as you want," he tells her.
He drops another kiss to the top of her head, whispering words of "I got you" and "I love you" and holding her close with an arm still wrapped around her and the fingers of his other trailing up and down her back.
He knows he's going to love this woman for the rest of his life, and he can't imagine whatever it could be that she's keeping from him, but he also knows that nothing will never make him not want this with her.
Moments of quiet and clinging to one another with tight hands and slow breaths, of sharing secrets and plans of the future with not an air of space between them.
She holds tighter to him, breathing quietly against him, while he squeezes her in his arms and presses another kiss to the top of her head, a silent reminder that he's with her, that he's not going anywhere.