Twelve years ago, a nine-tailed fox suddenly appeared. Its tails lashed out, smashing mountains and sending tidal waves crashing to the shore. The ninja rose up to defend their villages.
One shinobi faced the nine-tailed fox in mortal combat. He sacrificed his life to capture the beast and seal it in a human body.
This ninja was known as the Fourth Hokage. And his child-
Well, no one gives a damn about him, because this is my story, and there's only room for one main protagonist. And that's me. The one and only...
Gary Von Stu!
"Oh, Gary, you're so amazing!"
"Gary, let's go on a date!"
"Shut up Sakura! There's no way Gary would be interested in that forehead of yours!"
"What was that, Ino-pig?!"
"You heard what I said, Forehead!"
"Ino-pig!"
"Forehead!"
"INO-PIG!"
"FOREHEAD!"
"Girls, girls, there's no need to fight" I say, flashing a smile. "There's enough of me to go around. I'll take you both on a date!"
They glare at me for a couple of seconds, and then, they both start to swoon.
"What? Really?!"
"Normally I'd be pissed, but since it's you Gary, okay!"
This is my life. I'm the best of the best. The greatest ninja in school. Even that loser Sasuke can't measure up when it comes to my skill. I'm smarter than Shikamaru, and stronger than the Fourth Hokage himself! Hell, at this rate, I might even be able to finish his Rasengan, too!
Of course, I couldn't have done this alone. I have to give props to my friends. Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata, oh, and the other girls, too! I never really got along with the boys, but hey, who cares about that? As long as I get to smash when we're grown, then these girls are all that I need.
Huh? What's that? You're wondering how I know about the Fourth's technique? Well, isn't that obvious? Fine. I'll tell you...
I came here from another world.
That's right, reader. This guy here is an earthling just like yourself. But blessed when the once-in-a-lifetime chance to visit the Naruto world! Some half-baked Goddess told me I got hit by a dumb truck or something? But apparently it wasn't supposed to be my time, so I got a refund like this!
Unlimited Chakra. Character stats. Everything I need to be OP. And OP I am. Grinding all those squirrels in the forest was worth it! I'm more than capable of handling whatever this world throws at me... Well, until Boruto comes around, anyway. I never did get to watching that.
"-Gary, look out!"
I tilt my head to the side, dodging a bucket of paint. Turning around, the blonde-haired culprit glares at me from the door.
"NARUTOOOOO!" Sakura growls. "What are you doing to Gary?!"
The dropout flinches. "W-Wait Sakura! It was an accident! Believe it!"
"SHANNNAROOO!"
A single blow is all it takes to knock him out cold.
"...pant...pant...!" Sakura huffs. "I can't believe that idiot! Throwing a bucket of paint at Gary...who does he think he is?!"
"Who cares?" I ask. "It did no harm. Well...at least not to me."
I turn back to where the bucket had spilled, staring at Sasuke Uchiha. His edgy hair, once black as night, had been stained white by the paint.
Ha.
Where's your Sharingan now?
A long ways off, that's for sure. A result of my interference. A few days after I arrived, I managed to stop the Uchiha Massacre. Teaming up with Itachi and killing Danzo was an easy task. Sasuke will never know that we saved him from a life filled chasing revenge...and that's fine. 'Cause now I've got some Uchiha skirts to chase too.
"Anyway girls, about our date-"
"-oh, we just remembered..." they mutter. "Actually Gary, we'll have to pass. We have a prior engagement."
Wait, what? Prior engagement? I didn't hear anything about this.
"What do you mean?"
"Actually, Ino and I...are hanging with Marty."
MARTY?! Who the flying fuck is fucking Marty? There's no character in the show with that name! Did he reincarnate like me? No, no... Keep it together. Can't let them know that you're shook. Information-Information! Yes, that's what I need!
"Marty? Don't think I've ever met him."
"Marty Zhu. He graduated last year. The youngest Jounin ever! He's just as cool-no, cooler than you!"
I feel myself flinch.
No.
Impossible.
No one is cooler than me.
I'm the best of the best. The creme of the crop. I'm the god damn Gary Stu!
"Yo, ladies."
A suave, sultry, handsome, voice calls out from behind me, and immediately, I know I'm outmatched. I slowly turn, and catch my first glimpse of this so-called Marty Zhu."
"Marty!"
"Marty!"
Immediately, all the girls in the class rush toward him. They move even quicker than when their with me. I feel a pain in my stomach.
"Hey, hey," Marty says. "Calm down. There's no need to rush. There's plenty of Marty to go around. Don't you think so...Gary?"
"Ugh...!"
This bastard... He used my own line! Was he watching from the beginning? Did Ino and Sakura plan this with him? Damn it, I feel so embarrassed!
"Sakura, you shouldn't attack your classmates. They'll be your comrades in the future. You should apologize to Naruto. He was only doing what he thought was right."
"Yes Marty," Sakura said. Where'd that spunk of hers go?!
"And Naruto, the same goes for you, you know. A Hokage should protect his people."
"S-Sure Marty. It was just a joke. Didn't mean anything by it. Believe it!"
"Good." He rubs Naruto's head. "Then I'll see you at Ichiraku's for dinner."
What the hell?
What the hell?!
He captured all the boys too?! Could this be it? The destined rival? Well Marty, I'm not gonna lose!
"So that's it then? You're letting him off with a proverbial slap on the wrist?" I ask. "What about Sasuke? The poor guy will have that paint in his hair for weeks!"
"What paint?" Marty smirks, flashing his hands through some signs. There's a flash of light, and suddenly, all the paint in Sasuke's hair gets removed.
"What?!"
"It's my special technique. Remove Paint From Hair Jutsu! I created it for this one moment. Pretty cool, don't you think?!"
"Wow," Sasuke says. "You're better than brother! Can you teach me some of your moves?!"
"Sure thing, Sasuke. But only if you start opening up to your friends."
"...Fine."
What is this hell?!
Is this...is this just a nightmare?! My power fantasy's falling away...! Who the hell is this guy?!
"Bye Gary, see you tomorrow!" the girls say as they leave with Marty.
No, wait. You can't go. I haven't finished your route yet!
The door slams shut, and suddenly, I find myself back in the darkness.
Well, fuck.
Looks like my power fantasy's all screwed up.
"Oi. Oiiiii. Wake the hell up, you brat!"
Oof! A sharp pain in my side drags me back to the surface, and I blink my eyes to find myself tied to a chair in a dark room. Across from me, a busty woman with short purple hair is smiling, arms folded on the table between us as she studies my face.
"So, that finally woke you up. You're pretty interesting, brat."
"A-Anko?!"
"Oh, so you know me! That'll make this easy. Welcome to Konoha's T&I department, I'm sure you know what that means. You know so much about our village, after all. It's kinda scary, y'know?"
"W-What is this? You'd better let me go!"
"Or what?" she smirks. "What'll you do? Use the 'Rasengan' on me? Sorry to burst your bubble, brat. But you actually don't know shit. We caught you trying to cross the border a few nights ago. All that shit you've been dreaming up was just a Yamanaka genjutsu."
"W-What?"
No. That can't be. But I had done so much! Become so great. So mighty... I was the best of them all!
As if sensing the confusion I felt, Anko suddenly grinned.
"Well, I'd suppose we better get started." She summons a couple of snakes.
"W-What are you gonna do with those?"
Her grin explains everything.
"Wow. To think that a kid like this would know so much. Infiltrators are getting pretty good these days. Should we up security?"
"No. It's fine. Inoichi, based on his mutterings, is he a threat?"
"Well, I won't say he isn't. He's got all kinds of crazy things in his head. He knows a lot about my daughter too. As a father, I'm pretty worried."
"Not only your daughter, but all the clan heirs."
"Looks like we've got some work on our hands. Especially about this 'Akatsuki'..."
"No worries. With the Nine-Tails on our side, there's no way on earth we can fail."
Their task set, the T&I unit disperse for the day, and as for Gary...
Well, you can't mourn what you don't know.