If there was one thing Tony Stark hated more than anything in the world, it was parties.
Even before his mutations had developed, they were always too loud and overstimulating. He was forced to attend way too many and stay way too long at a far too young age. Luckily, Jarvis always made some excuse for them to leave when Tony got too irritable, against Howard's wishes. But now, when people's emotions forced themselves into his head, and even Jarvis couldn't save him? Well, Tony was of the opinion that it was hell on earth.
Deciding to get sober was the worst decision of my life. Tony gritted his teeth as he swirled a glass of useless grape juice. At least before, he could dull his mutation with some alcohol. It would certainly make this more pleasurable. Or at least less… headachy. What made it far worse were all the people that insisted on talking to him, and he was expected to just bear it all. Reporters, leeches that just wanted a little slice (or more) of his fortune, two faced rich assholes looking for the latest gossip… it was laughable that they had almost identical emotions. Smugness, as difficult as it was to describe, was a trademark of dishonest intentions.
His naturally big presence meant that it was hard to hide away when his headache was getting bad enough it could be almost classified as a migraine. The best he could do was hiding near the corner, enough that he wasn't easily spotted. Even though she didn't know why, there was someone who never failed to notice when he was having a difficult time. He was unsurprised to hear the click, click click of her trademark red Louboutin heels as she approached, and her familiar emotions fell over him like a wave.
"Tony, are you feeling alright?" Pepper asked with a smile, just in case there were cameras or reporters watching.
"Yeah, Pep, just getting a bit of a headache," he replied with the same casual expression, as if having a pleasant conversation. Truthfully, he didn't have to fake it that much. Her warm concern was enough to bring him out of the pain, a bit. It was always comforting. Being around her just was.
He loved Pepper, though not like he had before. She was and would always be one of his closest friends (tied only with Rhodey), but they'd mutually decided that their relationship didn't work and it ended amicably. She was still the CEO of Stark Industries, and they honestly saw each other just as much as when they'd been dating. Tony felt lucky just to still be able to bathe in her light. She deserved better than him, and her emotions, affection, with a tingle of heartache and guilt, led him to infer that she felt the opposite.
(How she could feel that he deserved even her-)
Rhodey was the reason he'd quit the drugs, and Pepper was the reason he'd quit the alcohol. Together (plus JARVIS), they'd founded the 'Stop Tony Stark from Being Self Destructive' Club. The genuine affection, which was often mixed with exasperation or worry, was something he craved constantly. But as much as he loved them, he never could tell them the truth. He'd tell them nearly everything else, but…
Tony was quite well known for holding things close to his chest.
(Subconsciously, his fingers curled over the arc reactor)
The moment a surprisingly cold yet surprisingly gentle hand curled around his wrist, and calm green eyes met his own, Tony's heart felt like his heart stopped in his chest. The emotions that touched his mind held not a touch of hostility, but instead only slight curiosity.
"Stark," Loki greeted, as calmly as though he was discussing the weather. "So it was you."
This… isn't what Tony expected.
Really, this was the fifth night Tony had told himself that this is the last time I am doing this, and the fourth time he'd done it again without much thought. He knew exactly what debilitating nightmares were like. Personally, he hadn't had a single night where he'd gotten more than four hours of sleep since the Battle of New York. The Void (for some reason, it had a capital V in his head) didn't seem to be inherently scary, yet every night when he dreamt of it he woke in a cold sweat, trembling.
If he could stop someone from such pain, even someone he once called an enemy, then… well, without a second thought, he'd do what he could for them. Besides, with the emotions he was feeling from the man (god?) he didn't really seem that antagonistic anyway. They'd never really talked, but from passing each other in the hallway, he seemed more subdued than anything. His emotions themselves were dulled, almost like he felt empty inside. He didn't really seem interested in getting to know anyone, which Tony didn't blame him for.
Those nightmares… well it was possible to have nightmares without intense trauma, but every night? To that extent? Tony would bet money that he'd been through hell. The weird thing was that Thor hadn't mentioned it. In fact, he was pretty sure that Thor didn't know at all. What the fuck, did they even investigate anything at all? It was weird that Tony found himself getting angry over that. He didn't even really know Loki.
And yet, he couldn't stop helping him.
It was just… this Loki was nothing like the one he remembered from their previous meetings. His eyes had been cold, cruel. His actions spilled blood wherever he went, and he seemed not to care for the body count or the consequences. Tony was on the verge of a breakthrough here, if only he could-
No. There wasn't really a reason to get close to Loki besides his own damned curiosity. Despite how tempting it was, Tony had long ago learned that most people around him were only concerned with their own self interests. They'd take what they needed from him, and then leave him for dead once they were finished. That's what he'd expected from Rhodey when they'd been assigned as roommates at MIT.
(At first, Rhodey seemed convinced that he was as portrayed in the media. Despite being thirteen, the rumors that he was a sex friend and hardcore party animal prevailed everywhere he went. The way Rhodey eyed him when they first met, along with the small amount of what was almost disgust... Tony had felt his shoulders sag.
But then, something weird happened.
Rhodey's eyes suddenly widened as they caught the half faded bruise on Tony's wrist that Howard had left. He'd not been… gentle with telling him he'd be disowned if he ever came out as a mutant. Tony had caught his glance and pulled down his sleeve, his own panic overwhelming all the external emotions of others. If this new guy, if this roommate that didn't like him, ended up telling the press-
"You're… you're just a kid," he'd sighed. His clear sympathy was a lifeline Tony used to pull out of his panic. "Look, let's start over, okay? I'm James Rhodes." He held out a hand.
"Anthony Stark, but call me Tony," he'd replied with a toothy grin. "Nice to meet 'cha, Rhodey."
Rhodey's shock overwhelmed everything else, and Tony laughed until he cried)
He'd gotten lucky then, but he was more than smart enough to know that miracles rarely happened twice. He was definitely past the point of hoping for much. Growing up as a rich kid, he'd had more than his fair share of people trying to take advantage of him. Trust was difficult. But even if he couldn't trust Loki, even if he couldn't get close, that didn't mean he couldn't still help.
That was the plan. The plan that Loki had just effortlessly cleaved in half.
Luckily for Tony, his mind moved so quickly he likely hadn't been silent for too long. Definitely not long enough to be embarrassed. So he plasters a fake, confused smile across his face.
"Sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about," he lies. It sounds fake even to his own ears. Loki just stares at him for a moment, before huffing and releasing his hand.
"It takes a lot of gall to lie to the God of Mischief," Loki commented, though no feelings of offense trickled into Tony's head. If anything, that mild curiosity grew. His eyes seem to bore through Tony as he continues to stare. Despite the fact that with anyone else it would have made his skin crawl, that reaction is completely halted by something Tony hadn't really noticed before. Loki's eyes are green.
But weren't they blue before?
"You were controlled," he says, his brain to mouth filter failing. Loki freezes, a small but growing amount of terror flashing in Tony's head. But he can't stop himself at this point. "Fuck. You never wanted to take over Earth. You lost on purpose, didn't you?"
Loki sighed, releasing the other's wrist and crossing his arms. "So you've deduced what the Oaf or Odin could not. Bravo." Despite the bleeding sarcasm in his tone, terror was still the only emotion coming from him. Tony knew something about hiding fear under clever words. It was all he did, since the day he'd left Afghanistan.
"I don't think that's hard," Tony murmured without a thought. Thor wasn't dumb, but he wasn't the most open minded alien on the planet. He hadn't known him long, but it was easy to see that once he'd decided something, he wasn't liable to change his mind. And he'd decided long ago Loki was guilty. From what he'd heard, he'd gotten that from father dearest. What Tony wasn't expecting was the flicker of amusement from the other, and his singular, biting laugh.
"As entertaining as you are, Stark, you cannot expect me to forget the reason for our meeting. I do not sense any magic from you, however if it is some kind of mind magic you somehow have used to control me, not even the All Father's chains upon me can save you." Loki's eyes flashed, and the inventor did not need to be an empath to know Loki was dead serious.
"Look, no, I-" Tony flew up his hands in surrender before cutting himself off with a sigh. He was... just going to have to tell Loki, wasn't he? Perhaps if he told someone else before this point this would not be so damn difficult. But it was too late for any type of regret. A hand went to his hair; a nervous tic. "Look Loki, I can see why you'd be... sensitive about that right now. But that's not what happened. I..." His throat choked up a bit, and he half expected Loki to shoot a rude retort about it. But instead, the god said nothing, apparently content to sit and wait out Tony's response before he judged. Somehow, that almost made it harder. At least if Loki had insulted him, it would be something he was used to.
"JARVIS, mute audio- no, actually jinx that. Don't record the next ten minutes." That was a start, right? But still. Nothing would come.
It took almost a full minute before he could find his voice again.
"I was always a... weird kid," he started softly. "I mean, not just in the genius, can't-relate-to-anyone way. Once I started getting older, something changed within me and suddenly I could... do something I shouldn't be able to do."
"You're a mutant." Loki's calm interruption stopped Tony in his tracks, and for a moment, he could only blink in surprise. Loki frowned, and this time, clear irritation filled the air. "Do you honestly think this is the first time I've been to Midgard? This was just the first time you all knew about it. I met many of your kind before you even started calling yourself mutants. However, continue."
"Uh..." Tony's mind was already filled with hundreds of questions about Loki's previous visits(?), but he figured they could be asked next time they meet. Oh, you are already thinking about a next time? Uh oh. That was definitely a thought for later. "-Anyway, I started being able to feel other people's emotions. It's entirely subconscious; I still can't control it at all, no matter what I've tried." Invention after invention failed, it was truly the only problem he truly could not fix despite his efforts. Loki's eyes widened in sudden realization, and Tony looked away and tried to ignore what he was feeling from the other.
"The other... came later. Or maybe it didn't, because it wouldn't surprise me if I had it all along. I didn't realize what I could do for a while. If a dog stopped barking when I wanted it to, or my very tired dad out of nowhere tells me he's proud of me when he never had that emotion in his life, those are just coincidences, right? But it was me. Just me, in the end. God, am I rambling? I'm rambling." He stared at the ground, shoulders tensing as he took a breath.
"I can't control an adult, fully aware person. Tried it when my-" when my dear old dad was beating or experimenting on me, "...during some bad experiences, does nothing. Works best on someone young, or tired, or drugged, or especially anyone who's a mixture of the above. But even then it's... more of a suggestion, than anything. Even if you were dead asleep, I definitely couldn't make you do something you were morally against. The more you want it, the easier it is for me. But it isn't something I do on a daily basis."
"Then why...?" Loki clearly already knew the answer. But if he wanted a confirmation, Tony would be willing to comply.
"Your nightmares are awful," he said plainly. "It doesn't matter where I am in the Tower, if you're having one, I am fully aware of it. I tried just leaving you, but... well, I couldn't get any work done." As before, Loki probably knew a lie when he heard one, but he figured the other would much prefer this over the human admitting he has similar nightmares and simply couldn't leave someone like that. They seemed to be both cut from the same cloth, in that way.
"So you... invaded my privacy and 'suggested' I instead dream of nothing at all."
Ah. Well it sounded really bad when Loki said it like that. Definitely sounded like mind control. Good intentions, bad execution was really the story of Tony Stark's life at this point. He really didn't have anyone to blame but himself and he knew that, but it just felt like another part of his life that was bound to happen.
"I'm..." He took a breath. Why did he immediately want to apologize? Sure, he just told Loki the biggest fucking secret of his life, but did that really mean he had to keep going and be open? It... shouldn't. But that seemed to be exactly what was happening. But he had fucked up pretty badly. "Look. It doesn't matter that I meant well. Sorry."
"You should be," Loki said, irritation spiking. "I am tired, Stark. Please leave."
"All right," Tony agreed, unsurprised but finding himself slightly disappointed for some reason as he crept back towards the door. But just before he reached for the doorknob-
"Anthony." It was so soft, that Tony almost missed it. "Ask next time but… thank you." Gratitude, as mixed with embarrassment as it was, was such an unfamiliar feeling directed at him that Tony did not reply, instead only nodding almost briefly before quickly leaving the room. He was halfway down the hallway before stopping to breathe.
"Sir?" JARVIS asked, almost hesitantly.
"I'm fine, J," Tony replied. "Just… he's interesting, isn't he?"
"Indeed, Sir." He could not 'read' any of JARVIS' 'emotions', JARVIS being an AI first and foremost, but… well did he have to? He always knew when the baby he built from the first circuit up was just humoring him.
"I gotta talk to him more. He knows more than he's telling."
"Are you sure that's the only reason?"
Tony couldn't help but laugh aloud. JARVIS knew him better than anyone, after all. That would never change. But what was the big deal if his interest in Loki was more than just for information? When he wasn't all mind controlled and crazy, he seemed like he could be a fun person to be around. But honestly, there was another big reason for doing so.
"That's true, J, but really, does a marionette deserve to be punished for the actions of the person pulling the strings? Hell, there was a reason Clint was never charged with anything that happened when he was blue eyed and strung up." Though still in therapy and not yet cleared for duty, and staying damned clear of Loki. "If he didn't want to do this at all, it's not fair to him. God, I thought something was suspicious, everything was too cut and dry. But I didn't investigate it. This is my fault."
"Sir, you did not sentence or was in charge of any trial or investigation for Mr. Laufeyson. You are not responsible for any faulty judgment." JARVIS was having none of his self blaming tendencies these days. He'd never really liked it in the early days, Tony could always tell, but these days he outright said it and poked holes in his creator's reasoning without hesitation. After Afghanistan, when Tony was in a slump for weeks hating himself, it was JARVIS who carefully and patiently debunked every hate filled blame he'd spoken towards himself.
Tony was quickly sensing the familiar, similar argument. "Fine, fine, J. Sure, it wasn't my fault, if that'll make you happy. But I can at least try to help him. Loki deserves that much."
"I doubt I can persuade you otherwise."
Tony snorted but this time did not rise to the bait. He could trade banter with his trusty AI any time, without question. But right now, he had some planning to do. Even though his interest in Loki probably wouldn't last long, wanting justice for someone who had been wronged was something that never would.