A/N: Hi everyone, I just wanted to say thank you so much again for all the nice comments and positive feedback you've been leaving me with for this story. I have really enjoyed writing it so far, and so happy with the MerHayes content we got from the second half of the season. I started writing this before the season finale (17x17) aired, so obviously it's not going to be as it happened on the show. But I did take some inspiration from the promo for it. Moving forward, I think the story will now be less canon to what's happening on the show and more on how I picture MerHayes' relationship to be progressing and how I'm wanting it to happen. I hope you guys like it!

For every surgeon, there will always be moments that define their career, a singular moment that changes their entire life; a breakthrough discovery, a once-in-a-lifetime surgery, the saving of a particular patient, or the loss of one.

For Cormac Hayes, he would like to think that there have been many redefining moments in his career rather than an isolated one, from the first moment he picked up a scalpel, to discovering his passion for his beloved specialty; from the thrill he felt of succeeding in risky surgeries, to the devastating effects of losing a significant patient. All in all, Cormac Hayes would say that his career thus far has been filled with collective moments; moments that made him proud of the surgeon and doctor he turned out to be.

However, saving Meredith Grey was a moment he never thought would be added to his long list. But how happy he was now to have it.

In the aftermath of reviving her, word quickly spread around the hospital of Meredith Grey's umpteenth near-death experience but how she was now conscious and responsive. In the middle of all the buzz, however, Cormac Hayes remained in the walls of the on-call room, processing over the event that occurred and attempting to come to terms of his feelings for the General surgeon and the role he had just played in her recovery. He was never one to be completely vulnerable, nor was he the type to relish in his emotions. However, in those moments that followed, he was content with locking himself up in the room to mull over the rollercoaster ride of emotions he had just experienced; from the fear of losing another loved one to the relief that washed over him when a rhythm had finally appeared on her monitors. Such relief, though, was a temporary one, as he was terrified of the thought that in the moments after his disappearance from her room, her condition would have escalated again. It was not until an hour later he could finally bask in full relief once he had received a message from Altman confirming her stable condition, how her stats and oxygen have returned to normal levels and new tests and scans showed no further deterioration. And as the day went by and he had heard news of Shepherd, Pierce, Webber, and Bailey all visiting her room and finding her in a stable state, as well as the messages from all of them flooding his phone expressing their gratitude for the work he had done, Cormac allowed himself to finally exhale. As long as Meredith Grey was alive, he could finally let himself breathe again.

Hours had gone by since that moment and it was now nightfall, his twelve-hour shift already coming to an end. However, Cormac lingered around the hospital, wrestling with a thought in his mind that he was not sure he would carry out. He found himself in the comfort of his pediatric ward as he finished his evening rounds and now headed to his office. Sitting down on his chair, he was met with the bottle of Irish whiskey that sat on his desk, the same one that had been there for months and left untouched since the night he found her passed out in the parking lot. With everything that had happened in between, he laid his eyes on the bottle for a moment as it was taunting him. With a sigh, he looked away from it a moment later then pulled out his phone and dialed home.

"Hey, Mac," his sister-in-law greeted from the other end.

"How's it going over there?" he asked with a warm smile appearing on his face. While it was true he never had the best relationship with Irene in the beginning of his relationship with Abi, the two had certainly drawn closer together in the years since then and Cormac was thankful for her presence now in both his and his sons' lives.

"Oh, the usual," she replied. "The boys have eaten, I made sure they finished their homework, and now they're up in their rooms playing some video games before bed."

"Glad to hear things over there are normal."

"Mhm. What about you, you gonna be home soon?"

Cormac sighed, already feeling bad about the request he was going to make of her. "Actually, that's why I called. Something came up and I think I'm just gonna stay here tonight. Will you stay with the boys? I'm really sorry, Irene, but I'll be back in the morning."

All his sister-in-law did was laugh. "I have been with you and the boys long enough to know to bring with me an overnight bag every time you ask me to look out for them. I know how surgery works. What is it this time; a trauma or complication or…?"

As her voice drifted off, Cormac winced at the information he was about to reveal to her. It had come as a surprise to him when she was admitted to the hospital and made known her knowledge about Meredith Grey without him even ever speaking a word about her to his beloved sister. It was even more of a surprise when she revealed that she made the discovery about the General surgeon through his sons. He had to admit to himself that he did speak of her often at home but thought he had done a better job of hiding his feelings every time he slipped in a name or two of another of his colleagues'. Though, he had to give his boys the credit now of picking up on his non-verbal cues. He never realized it just how much he smiled or glowed when mentioning her, and now he had no one to blame but himself for the relentless attention from his sister-in-law and her attempts at finding out more information. After a minute of contemplation, Cormac finally settled with telling her the truth.

"It's not surgery," he said, clearing his throat as he prepared himself for the reaction he was about to get. "It's not surgery at all. It's, um, well, she is awake."

At the other end of the line, Irene was quiet, and this brought Cormac some uneasiness. He figured that she would know for sure who he was alluding to, as she referred to her in the same way when she had wanted to meet her. This, and the fact he was almost certain she would be delighted to hear the news as Meredith being awake meant more interactions with himself, which would also mean more opportunities for Irene to prod him with questions. Finally, she said, "That's wonderful. Since when?"

"Well, now that's a long story."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Cormac hesitated, then proceeded to tell her the events of his shift, from being thrusted the responsibility of caring for her for that day to the moment he heard the dreaded noise of her monitors. He spoke of the process of resuscitating her as casually as he could, not wanting Irene to see through his act and know just how much everything had really affected him. He remembered the words she said and the look she gave him when he revealed the fact Meredith was on the ventilator, and he didn't want her giving him the same pitiful expressions she did that day as if it was his doing somehow that every woman he chose to love ended up on a hospital bed. But if Cormac had to be honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure why he was even telling his sister the details of his day caring for Meredith Grey. Perhaps it was because he knew that these feelings he had, all the pain and anxiety and affection all at once, were no longer going to hide themselves and he also knew that out of everyone in the world, it was only Irene those feelings would be kept safe with.

Irene was quiet once again as Cormac reached the end of his summation. "Oh, Mac," she said after a moment of silence, her tone dripping with the same pity and sympathy Cormac knew she would have.

"Don't," he warned her. "Don't do that. I'm fine."

"I find it hard to believe that," Irene scoffed. "You watched Abi slowly go on a hospital bed two and a half years ago. And now you're telling me this woman you're falling in love with coded right in front of you and you had to be the one to save her. And you say you're fine? I don't think so."

"Well, I am now, so I would appreciate it if you stop claiming otherwise."

"If you're really fine, have you spoken to her since she woke up?"

Cormac closed his eyes and winced, knowing she cornered him. "No," he answered with a sigh, admitting his defeat.

"And why is that?"

In his mind, Cormac silently listed off the excuses that he could have said; the fact that she was occupied with her sisters and the family that she's built within the hospital with all of them wanting to be in her presence and company again as they celebrated her life and wanting to give them that time together, or how he inferred that she would want to video chat her children and family at home and wanting to give them a moment alone to bask in their happiness at the fact she was alive, and how he guessed that she was still reeling from exhaustion from the whole ordeal and wanting to give her some time alone to rest and recuperate. And while those were valid reasons and excuses for him to not have seen her yet, he knew deep inside the real reason why, that he was afraid; afraid of all the possibilities that could happen the moment he decided to step into her room. He recalled the three words he almost said to her just hours earlier and wondered what would have happened had he said them if not for her flatlining. For so long he had been able to hide his feelings; to shove them down and bury them enough to be able to go on with his job and working with her and the rest of their colleagues without having to expose anything. Now, however, he realized during the time of her absence just how much she did mean to him, and he knew that all the pain and fear and anxiety that he felt deeply throughout her diagnosis was all the proof needed of his affection for her. Everyone took note of it, from his colleagues to his own family, and now that she was awake, he was fearful of all the possibilities that could happen if the universe ever decided to be on his side. Fearful of all the chances. Fearful of all the firsts. Fearful that somehow, someway, he would find a way to ruin it all before it even began. And also, perhaps the biggest one of all, fearful of what it would mean for his past. For Abigail. For his sons. The fear that none of them at all were really capable of moving on. And with what the past few months had brought, the fear of possibly losing another loved one.

"It's a complicated situation," he weakly answered, and he knew that this probably prompted an eye roll from the woman on the other side of the phone.

"And what is so complicated about it?" she asked with a scoff, but then added a second part in a softer tone, knowing that it would be a sensitive topic and there were many possibilities of how he could react. "Mac, she gave you permission."

At that, his eyes widened in surprise as a flashback came to his mind of that particular moment he shared with his late wife.

And it's okay for you to fall in love again. You have my permission.

At the time, it was impossible for him to think that he would ever move on, that he would be capable enough of choosing to love someone else. Whether Abigail gave him permission or not, it was unthinkable, really, for him to ever make that decision of showing affection for someone else other than the mother of his children and the love of his life. And as time went by without ever having those kinds of feelings again, he was certain that he had already spent all the love that he could give a person on the right one and now that she was gone, that chapter and part of his life will forever be finished.

Well, of course, that was until he met her. He knew Meredith Grey was a force of nature, the sun. The idea had been embedded into him by so many around him and time and again, he had seen those descriptions come to fulfillment. The idea of falling in love and having firsts with someone new had been such a foreign concept to him until she came along and showed him that it was possible. At the time, he didn't know why Abi would say such words, or how she could even live with the idea that he could belong to someone else. He didn't know it then, but now he did. He was thankful that his wife knew that life goes on and not everything goes exactly how it's planned; that there were serendipitous moments in life that sometimes are not foretold, but what's needed to heal. He knew that for as long as he lived, his heart will always belong to the woman he first met at that Los Angeles conference hall bar but understood now that love never really does run out. It's always going to be there to spend and just becomes visible when the right one comes along. And how grateful he was now to have found it, and to have the blessing to spend it.

"How'd you know about that?" Cormac now asked his sister-in-law, referring to his late wife's words.

"Because she told me," she replied simply. "Look, she didn't leave me with just the boys to take care of, she left me with you too. And honestly, Mac, I didn't think it was the boys she was too worried about. She knows you. We both do. You're an excellent father. You always have been. Abi knew that those boys would recover from this because they have you in their corner. She wasn't scared for them or who they'd turn out to be because she knew they would always have you. But she was terrified of what would become of you. And that's why she made me promise to her that I would do everything I can so that you're not stuck in this grief forever. I promised her that if, and when, the right moment ever came, I would remind you of what she wanted for you. And what she wanted for you was to be happy. She wanted you to move on and fall in love again and that it is completely okay if you do. Yes, it will take time for me to see you with someone else besides my sister and yes, I'm sure the boys will have their own feelings and opinions at first. But, Mac, all we want for you is happiness and joy because truthfully, I have missed seeing that genuine smile on your face. And if this general surgeon of yours is who makes you have those feelings again, then you owe it to me, to Austin and Liam, to Abi, and to yourself to give it a chance because this- this is life. And you and I both know that nothing is ever certain so you have to take every moment and just live. And love."

Cormac remained silent, taking in and letting every word his sister had just uttered sink in. He felt it in his throat and in his chest all the heavy emotions that her words had brought him, serving as a reminder of his wife's final moments and the kind of woman she was. It took everything in him not to burst out into tears. But this time, it wouldn't be because of grief. It would be because of relief. He knew that the main reason he never thought to move on was because of the guilt he would feel. But hearing Irene's words, and knowing that this truly was what Abi wanted for him, gave him the much needed motivation now to let go of the loss and the grief and to embrace new changes and possibilities and firsts. He knew that he would always love his wife. And it was because of that love for her that he needed to honour now what her wishes were for him; to love and to be loved again.

"Thank you, Irene," he responded sincerely to his sister. "Really, thank you for everything. I don't know where I would be without you."

"That, I wouldn't even want to know," she replied with a laugh. "Listen, take all the time you need there tonight. The boys and I will be just fine over here. Do what you have to do. And, hey, if you're wondering about what to tell her when you go see her, a simple 'I'm glad you didn't die' would be a good start."

He let out small chuckle. "I'll be keeping that in mind. Good night, Irene."

"Good night, Mac."

With that, he hung up, and was now left with the silence to ponder over what his next steps were. As his eyes shifted again towards the direction of the bottle of whiskey that sat on his desk, he knew in his mind that he had to see her tonight while the ounce of courage Irene had knocked into him was still alive. Still, he hesitated, now coming up with the excuse that perhaps things would be different between the two of them now. It had been about three months now since he last heard her voice; even longer since their last surgery together, and since their last shared moment in that exact setting in his office sharing a drink and exchanging stories. He was worried that all moments that he had hoped to mean something more would now all be forgotten by her, nothing more than just distant memories.

His thoughts were then interrupted by a knock on his door, followed by the opening of it to reveal Jo Wilson.

"Oh, good. You're still here," she said.

"Wilson, what can I do for you?" he asked, though he had to admit he was still distracted with his thoughts as he kept his eyes fixated on the whiskey bottle.

"I just wanted to get an update on Luna and how she was during evening rounds. I'd wanted to go and check on her but realized it was late, so thought I'd just let her rest."

"She's fine for now. I'd like to reassess her feeding tube tomorrow, but she was stable tonight."

"Good. I'm glad."

All Cormac did was merely nod, still occupied with the thoughts in his mind regarding Meredith and the action he was debating on doing that night. He was so deep into his thoughts that he had not realized Jo was still standing at his doorway until she spoke up again. "Look, she's not gonna be ready to drink whiskey any time soon but I'm sure she'd appreciate your company."

At this, Cormac whipped his head in her direction. "I'm sorry, what?"

Jo laughed. "You've been staring at that bottle of whiskey since I got here as if Meredith is going to appear just by looking at it. Hayes, that was one hell of a save you did on her today and I know it was killing you that whole time she was out, so I don't understand why you haven't gone to see her yet."

"Just haven't gotten the chance," he said, playing coy.

"Right," she said pointedly. "I feel like the whole hospital's already seen her but you. I guess you should know, then, that I was just up there with her before coming here."

"How's she doing?"

"Good, actually. She's stable, her numbers look good. Everything is normal."

Cormac felt himself release a breath he didn't even realize he was holding in, relieved at the news Jo had just delivered. "That's good."

"And also," Jo started before hesitating.

"Also what, Wilson?"

Jo sighed. "And also, she asked for you."

Upon hearing this, Cormac's eyes went wide as he felt his heartbeat suddenly quicken. The news that Meredith Grey had apparently been asking for him came as a shock to him. With all the loved ones she had at her side, he was certain that he would be the last person in her mind to want to see. But he had to admit that hearing this now only boosted his confidence and his resolve to see her now only got stronger. Still, he wanted to keep his cool in front of Jo and refrain from exposing any of his current feelings. "Oh, did she now?" he said, playing dumb. "What'd she want?"

Jo only smirked at his reaction. "I'm guessing she wants the same thing as you do, to talk and catch up. Like I said, though, you'll probably want to keep the whiskey down here. But stop playing around, you were worried sick for her the whole time she was out and you had these sad puppy dog eyes whenever she was mentioned. So just get up there already."

"Wilson, can you be honest with me about something?"

"What?"

"The hospital," he started before trailing off, unsure whether he wanted to know the answer. Then he continued. "Everyone here talks. And I told you before that I know people are having conversations about my personal life I'm not privy to. I just wanted to know if people are saying anything about me and Grey."

"Are you serious?" Jo said in an incredulous tone. "Look, it's not so much as people are saying things. They just know. Whatever you and Meredith have going on, it's like an open secret. No one talks about it, but everyone is aware there's something going on. And maybe you and Mer don't even know it yet yourselves, but really, I can kinda see it. I think you really are the perfect gift for her."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" he asked, confused.

Jo shook her head. "Nothing. It's nothing. Just go see her, Hayes." And with that, she walked away, leaving Cormac once again with nothing but the silence and his thoughts. Taking a look at the whiskey bottle once again, he mulled over at the two conversations he had just had with both his sister and Jo. And after letting everything sink in, he took a deep breath then stood up from his desk, finally making the decision to see her and gathering every courage in him he could muster up to do so.

The walk towards the COVID ward and her room was filled with feelings of anxiety and jitters. Before, it had been due to his feeling anxious of the kind of state he would find her in. But this time, it was the certainty of her being awake and responsive that filled him with adrenaline and butterflies. The past few months he had spent time imagining what the moment would be like when they spoke again and what he would say. However, with so many events happening within and outside the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial during the time she was unconscious, he had no possible idea what he could say to capture the sincere euphoric feeling he and everyone else had of her being alive had brought to them; that in the midst of all the heartache and tragedy and loss, she was the bright spot in all of their lives and her being alive and well brought them immense comfort and joy.

As he finally approached her room, he slowed down his pace and took his time making her way towards her door as he took a moment to glance at her through her window. In between the blinds, he could she was alone and sitting up on her bed, staring blankly across the room as if she was deep in thought. And then it happened. A quick turn of her head to face his direction and the eye contact between them instantly erupted a fire in his stomach that he knew he wouldn't be able to settle down anytime soon. That feeling stayed there as she continued his gaze on him until he finally appeared on her doorway.

What she would never admit is that the same fiery adrenaline rush that he was feeling existed for her as well.

The two remained silent, taking in each other's presence, communicating only through their unbreakable gaze as if they were trying to figure out each other's thoughts. He wouldn't reveal now how seeing her alive and in the stable condition she was in brought him unexplainable joy and relief; the same way she wouldn't expose that his presence not only brought her comfort but being in his company again brought her a great sense of gratitude knowing that he was one of the main reasons she was still breathing.

After a long moment of silence, it was her that finally broke it. "You look like crap," she said with a smirk, hoping he would remember the reference.

She was relieved when he let out a chuckle and responded with, "Look who's talking. My liver baby still looks stronger than you."

She softly giggled at his response and he felt himself smile widely at the sound of her laugh; something that he had missed and only realized now how much he had grown to admire it. He made his way to sit at the chair by her bedside, the relief and adrenaline in him only intensifying as he snuck a glance at her monitors to see her stable numbers. "How're you feeling?" he asked her, anyway, needing to hear the confirmation from herself to truly believe that she was doing better.

"I'm exhausted," she found herself admitting, something she hadn't done all day. As the day went by and she received visits from her sisters, Bailey, Webber, Altman, and every other hospital staff, she found herself putting on a smile for show to hide the fatigue she was feeling from the entire ordeal. Each of them were beyond ecstatic at her newfound consciousness, and the fact she was able to be revived was a miracle in itself that she didn't want to diffuse any of the excitement and joy they were all exuding in fear of making them all worry once again. But with Cormac Hayes, she was always surprised with herself at how vulnerable and honest she was able to be around him, knowing that in some level, he would always understand. She wasn't afraid to share with him her fears of dying her first few nights at the hospital, and knowing that she almost did, yet he was the one to not let her, only fed more into her trust in him. Around him she never felt the need to hide herself or her true emotions as he always offered her a place of safety, something she had never found in many people with the exception of Derek, Cristina, and Alex. And knowing this fact brought in her a feeling about this man that was getting harder to ignore.

Inside of him, Cormac felt a kick of anxiety settle in at hearing her words, as well as pity and sympathy for how she was feeling. And although he felt his doctoral instincts wanting to kick in, he understood that all day she was being offered medical treatments and the only thing she needed right now was a friend. Further, he knew that displaying his own signs of worry for her would only exaggerate her exhaustion. "Can I get you something? What do you need?" He asked her gently, careful not to sound too pushy. "I can go if you'd like to rest."

"No, stay," she replied, perhaps too quickly. Perhaps too eagerly. Then she sighed. "I'm just exhausted," she repeated. "I look like crap and I feel like crap and all day I've been telling people that I'm doing fine when really it feels like I'm carrying a sixty-year-old smoker's lungs and I don't want wanna talk anymore right now, so will you just stay and you do the talking? Really, tell me anything. What's been going on with you?"

Such a question interested him, mainly since it was one he wasn't sure how to answer. How could he tell her that the majority of his time was half spent carrying on with his service while assisting for the care of many other COVID patients while the other half had been him worried and restless, day and night, about her own condition? He was aware they had interacted before she had gone unconscious, but the topic of how and what he was feeling regarding her condition, from the night he found her to all the way up until now, had never been discussed by the two of them. And he wasn't about to let her know about any of them now.

"Oh, not much has gone on with me," he answered, in which he inwardly grimaced at himself as such a response made it seem like he was so disinterested. "My, uh, my sister-in-law was admitted a few weeks ago. Kidney stones. But Wilson and Dr. Fox were able to fix her right up and she was better within a few days," he explained his sister's hospital visit, purposely leaving out the part when Irene had asked to meet her. "My boys, well, I'd say they're still crawling the walls but at least they haven't done anything stupid yet so I can be thankful for that," he further said, to which this statement garnered a small smile from her. She always found it endearing whenever he spoke of his children as she understood all the highs, lows, pride, and frustration that all came with being a parent.

"To be honest, Grey," he now continued, "it's been hell over here. Just one tragedy after another, you know? We can't stand another loss."

At this, she remained silent as she watched the exhaustion, anxiety, and grief take over the features of his face. He didn't have to mention any specific tragedy; she already knew and was informed of everything that had occurred in and out of the hospital's halls while she had been gone, from the National crises to the deaths brought on from the pandemic. And the deaths that were especially personal to them all. To her.

"Andrew died," she plainly stated. She felt as if she had already known the fact, as she could recall seeing him in her dreamlike beach scenarios while unconscious. But having heard the confirmation from Bailey and Webber earlier had taken its emotional impact on her. While she knew her relationship with DeLuca was far from perfect, she acknowledged that his impact on her was a significant one as he helped her discover what it was like to fall for someone new and made her realize that she was capable of loving and being loved again. And the fact that she was not able to thank him and say goodbye in person was something she would always regret.

"DeLuca died, yes," Hayes now replied in a hushed tone. "I'm sorry, Grey. I really am." Although he never had the best relationship with the surgeon- working, friendship, or otherwise- he understood the important and pivotal role he played in the life of the woman in front of him. He was aware how he became many of her firsts after her husband died, and the weight and significance of those firsts were something he knew could never be replaced.

"Well, on a happier note," she said, pivoting subjects before she could begin to feel too emotional, "my sister is getting married."

At this, Hayes smiled. "Pierce and Ndugu's engagement had been the only happy news around here lately."

"You know today was my first time formally meeting him? He's my sister's fiancé and had been one of my doctors, yet today was the first time we actually met."

"Well, it's not like you were unconscious for three months or anything like that," he teased, earning an eye roll from her. "So what's your verdict on him?"

"He makes Maggie really happy," she said with a sincere smile, the kind she got whenever she spoke of her family that he always found to be so precious. "Plus, he did help with keeping my children alive and fed, so I think we'll keep him around."

"Talking about Pierce, did she tell you what we did with one of our peds patient?"

"The baby with the artificial heart?"

"Mhm. It was one of the very few happy days we had, just being in that O.R. and feeling in control, knowing we knew how to fix something."

"God, I wish I could've been there to see that," she said with a sad sigh. "I miss it. So much. The high of cutting and getting to operate."

Again, he looked at her with sympathy as he understood that feeling of just wanting to do what you are best at. As surgeons, there was nothing more that gave them the satisfaction than knowing they were saving lives and he felt for her, knowing how frustrated she would have been not to be doing the one job that gave her one of the most important meanings. "Oh, don't you worry," he assured her. "I'm sure you'll be back in no time. It won't be long now until we're operating again and you're showing me up."

She smirked. "So you're admitting I'm a better surgeon than you?"

"Just for now," he said mischievously. "Until you're feeling all the way better, then I can take it back."

Together, they laughed, and the sound of their laughter filling the room gave them both a newfound sense of relief. Being in each other's company and bantering the way they did made it seem like no time had passed at all and to the both of them, after all they had endured the past couple of months, it meant everything and more.

Silence filled the room thereafter and Meredith began to ponder in her mind over something she had wanted to speak of but wasn't sure how she would approach it. It was something so unbelievable that it was a subject she definitely did not want to share with her sisters or Webber or Bailey as she assumed they would all think she was crazy and would proceed to give her neurological and psychological checks to ensure all her brain functions were still intact. But somehow, she believed it was something Hayes would never judge or question her for. He always just understood her, and she believed this time wouldn't be an exception.

"Do you remember how you told me awhile ago that when you sleep, you dream of that field where you grew up in Ireland? You know, your place to just escape all of this?"

He now raised his eyebrows, curious of her question, and surprised she had even remembered this fact. "I do. What about it?"

She hesitated momentarily before saying, "I had a place too that I went to. A beach. It's so beautiful. The water's so cool. A place I'd feel so relaxed in. There's no pain there. And I saw it when I was unconscious. And I-" She paused briefly, bracing herself for an incredulous reaction from the man sitting with her. "I saw people."

"Like who?"

"Dead people?" She said, though she phrased it more as a question to gauge his facial expressions. When she saw that he had not thrown his head back in laughter yet at the thought of what she just said, she continued. "I saw Andrew. I saw my kid sister, Lexie, and her boyfriend, Mark. I saw my friend, George. And I was able to have all these conversations with them. I even saw Derek."

At the mention of her late husband's name, he sat up straighter in his chair, knowing that this was about to be a conversation he knew she wouldn't share with just anyone. He knew that the one thing that ultimately bonded them together was their grief over who they had lost. And now that she was confiding in him once again of details about her husband, no matter how unbelievable it might have been, he knew he had to prove to be a listening ear. "Did you get to talk to your husband?"

"I did," she said, and he noticed a certain sparkle in her eye, the same one he would get whenever he spoke of Abigail. "We talked about the kids, about Amelia, about Scout. We reminisced about old times, the good, the bad. What happened in the years after he passed. We even had this wedding right there on the beach, which was the least I could've given him," she concluded with a laugh. And as she was recounting her dreamlike beach sequence, she would've felt embarrassed and idiotic even sharing such a thing that sounded so incredulous had it not been for the fact that the man in front of her was also smiling along and listening attentively to everything she was saying.

"How did that feel?" He asked her. "Seeing him again?"

"It felt good," she replied with such a big smile on her face that brought on such a warm feeling to him, happy that talking about her husband at that moment brought her such great joy. "I know it sounds strange and I know nothing about it could have been real. But it felt real. It was the closure that I was always missing and wanted and now I got it."

Her smile then disappeared as feelings of guilt took over, and her crestfallen expression didn't go unnoticed by him. "But?" He gently prodded.

"But," she sighed, "the longer I saw him and spoke to him, the more I wanted to get closer to him. And after a while, I just didn't feel like fighting anymore. I felt so content just being there with him and all I wanted was to be in that moment forever." As she was explaining her thoughts and feelings, she couldn't help but feel guilty over the fact that so many people, including the man with her now, had been rooting for her to fight and live. Yet, for a short moment, all she could think of was giving up and letting herself succumb to the very thing she's managed to escape all these years to finally be reunited with the love of her life.

For a while she stopped talking to examine the expression on Cormac's face, and his stoic demeanor caused her to feel some anxiety as to what he must think of her now. After all, he was the one who had called her fierce, the one who continually asked her to fight. And now she was afraid that perhaps his judgments of her have changed. However, what he said next took her by surprise. "That field in Ireland, the one that I dream about, I choose that place because it reminds me of Abigail. How I had taken her back home after we were married. Abigail, she meant the world. She was my everything. You always think that home is a place, but then I met her, and something about taking her back to where I came from made me realize that home is also a person. Nothing about what you said was strange, Grey, nor was it wrong for you to have felt that way. I would give anything right now to be back in that field in Ireland with Abi, and I would be content spending the rest of my life there with her."

The sight of the nostalgia and sadness all rolled into his face suddenly made her want to reach out to him, to touch him or hold his hand to offer him comfort as she sympathized with his emotions. And yet, the way he responded only proved to her more of the special connection they had between each other and impressed upon her more the knowledge she already had that he would by no means ever judge her for whatever she said about her husband because in some capacity, he would always understand. Having this conversation with him made her think about all those months ago when they had first met and she had spent so much time up until now wondering what this man's significance was supposed to be in her life. And perhaps she had to acknowledge now that her best friend knew along the healing they could do for each other, and the potential they had for something more. Something about this realization caused a feeling in her to come up, something that seemed foreign yet familiar all the same time. It's something she always felt around him, but it was a feeling she was always able to ignore, telling herself that it was nothing significant. But now she knew that was far from the truth.

"You know, I think I knew that I was always going to come back," she said after a while, wanting to let him know that she had intentions of fighting just like he begged her to. "I've been tired for so long, but I knew I had to come back for my kids. I just needed a little push and to be reminded of that. Derek, he helped me see that. And so did you." As the words escaped her mouth, she felt some regret revealing such information. She was surprised at herself when he made an appearance in a place she considered so safe. To her, seeing each person that she did see meant that each one held their own significant and important place in her life, and seeing him in her beach dreams stressed for her even more that certain feelings she felt around him could not be ignored.

A quizzical look now on his face, he asked her, "What did I do?"

"I saw you there too," she answered hesitantly, feeling almost embarrassed at the intimate connotation it all revealed. "When I was out, I was able to hear everyone whenever they came in to talk to me. And I remember, that was you who came into my room and you told me a story about my kids and you begged me to fight. And I saw you there."

Upon hearing this, it was now his turn to have feelings of mortification. His mind flashbacked to that particular moment and although there were parts of him that hoped she was listening, there were also other parts now that he wished she had not been able to hear or recall anything at all. He was afraid of the vulnerability he displayed towards her in that moment, and even more afraid now as he hoped she wasn't able to detect how much he cared for her that he wouldn't have been able to cope had she not survived.

"Well, your kids," he started to say as he momentarily broke his eyes away from her as for her to not see how much he was being affected, "they're bloody perfect. Brilliant. They need you, Grey. I knew you knew that."

"Hayes," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, and in a tone that sounded so delicate and pure that he really thought the fiery feeling in his stomach was about to engulf him. He forced himself to make eye contact with her once again and it took everything in him to not reach out and touch her upon seeing the soft features of her face. "Thank you for bringing me back."

He gulped. "Your husband," he paused. "He's the one that brought you back."

"Derek did always bring me back," she admitted, "more times than I can count. But he wasn't alone doing it this time."

For a while, none of them said anything as he just let her words sink in. Here she was, Meredith Grey herself admitting to him that it was partly because of him she was willing to fight and live. Knowing he had that kind of effect on her made it more obvious to him now that perhaps they had a deeper connection than both of them were wanting to admit.

"I'm sorry," she suddenly said, breaking the silence.

Confused, he asked, "For what?"

She sighed. "For everything. For scaring you. That day in the parking lot and for today."

"Hmm, you must've mistaken my fears. They weren't for you, Grey, you know I have many sick children in my care. Besides, I couldn't care less about you, remember?" He joked with a dry laugh, using his best attempt to hide his true emotions with some humor. But both of them knew this statement was far from the truth, and everything in this moment brought on a voice in his head to just blurt out exactly what it was he felt for her.

"I don't know about that, you ran out of my room pretty fast earlier," she rebutted with a sly smile. "I also recall you saying you couldn't care less about my kids either, but for some reason, Ellis would not stop talking about you when I called home."

This brought on a smile to his face. "Is that so?"

"I still wanna know what you did to make her laugh and smile."

"That's a story for another day," he replied with a cheeky grin, which resulted in an eye roll from her that only made him chuckle harder.

Silence befell them once again and she couldn't help but take note of the comfort and safety she felt despite it. There had never seem to be any moments of uneasiness around him and as she continued to sit there in his company, she felt the gratitude and appreciation for him overwhelm her to the point that before she could even stop herself from doing it, she found herself suddenly reaching out her hand to him. At the sight of it, Cormac's eyes went wide at the sudden gesture, but found himself instinctively grabbing hold of it anyway. And as they touched, it seemed as if the world around them had suddenly gone on pause as they held their breaths and focused on the moment in front of them.

As they sat together in silence, Cormac thought about his earlier conversation with Irene. Though he had so much to say to her, he was content for now with the moment they were sharing and, in his mind, was a sign of a new beginning for both of them. It was because of this that he confidently said, "I told you this virus had got nothing on you. I'm glad you didn't die, Grey."

She then looked down at their hands intertwined before making eye contact with him once again. And with a smile on her face, she responded, "Thank you for not letting me."

At this, he couldn't resist making another joke, or perhaps what was an attempt to further show his interest. "Perhaps you'd like to repay me with sharing a bottle of whiskey once you're out of here."

"Only if we can also have some Tequila."

"You know how much I hate that thing, but considering you are the one who almost died, then I'll let it go this time."

Together, they laughed, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, both of them allowed themselves to finally breathe as a new wave of hope settled in. Minutes went by as they welcomed silence in their company again, disregarding the fact that they were still holding on to each other and dismissing what any of it could mean. Their silence was interrupted only by the sound of Meredith stifling a yawn, which didn't go unnoticed by him. "Go on now, get some rest," he told her as he forced himself to finally let go of her hand, no matter how much he didn't want to.

As they separated, she couldn't help but notice how cold her hand suddenly seemed without his touch. "Will you stay awhile?" She found herself asking him, her heartbeat quickening as she hoped he wouldn't be able to detect her eagerness for him to continue to keep her company.

"Of course. Someone's gotta make sure you don't pull anything on us again," he said with a grin, as he hoped she wouldn't be able to tell how happy he was that she had asked him to stay.

As she closed her eyes, she could feel his own keeping his on her, and for all the struggles that she had gone through the past few months, she felt content with her decision and willingness to fight. She knew all along that her children and her family were the reasons she kept fighting. But there, with the company of the once upon a time obnoxious Irishman, she was ready to admit to herself that he was also worth fighting for.

As for him, he knew now more than ever of the significance this woman was making in his own life, acknowledging that without her, he never would have allowed himself to open up to the possibility of healing and welcoming new beginnings.

Slowly, they both drifted off to sleep, their hearts full at knowing that because of each other, they were learning how to live. To love.

And to breathe again.