Mother and I were evicted four times in the last six months. I hope you understand why I wasn't in the mood to be writing ó_ò
Chapter 43
Sam grunted and panted raggedly, feeling every piece of his spine and head protest in pain. Laying on the forest ground after being thrown by the harpy, slowly and with great difficulty he managed to turn around and lay on his stomach, using his elbows to gain a little bit of leverage. Testing his arms to minutely crawl forwards and his legs to help him advance, the hunter was relieved to check that, ache aside, his spine didn't seem to have suffered any major damage.
Doing his best to overcome the pain, Sam carefully rose in all fours, and then fully up until he was standing again straight on his feet. His head was dizzy and pounding with blood, but he forced himself to start walking back towards the riverside... just in time to see the harpy preparing to strike her victim.
"Becky!" he tried to yell, but his voice came out hoarse and strained.
A splashing sound reached his ears then, disturbing the continuous loop of the raging river. Near the shore Adam emerged from the water, swimming with one arm against the current and with the other holding an unresponsive Alex.
"Adam! Alex!" Becky shouted, suddenly opening her eyes and reacting, not sparing a second thought to the harpy in front of her and running to their aid.
But when she got up and ran towards them... she went right through the winged creature. The harpy let out an anguished caw and vanished in thin air, as if gravely injured.
Sam watched everything with wide open eyes, stunned, his brain coming to a halt. What the heck had happened? For three times he had shot the harpy to no avail, for she seemed to be made of air and unaffected by anything. And while she could touch others, others couldn't touch her. But then, Becky... just how?!
And just then, something clicked in his brain. And he understood how the entire hallucinated place actually came to be, he understood how it worked.
Effortingly resuming his walk towards the riverside, the Winchester saw the blonde woman helping the boy to hoist Alex on solid ground, before helping him too. Adam immediately started CPR on the girl.
"C'mon, Alex, dammit!" Adam cussed between compressions and insufflations.
"It's my fault," Becky sobbed, looking guiltily at Sam when he reached them. "All of this is my fault, I shouldn't have called you."
Before the hunter could said anything, another howl pierced the air. Behind them the harpy reappeared, once again getting ready to deliver punishment upon them.
"Becky, listen to me," Sam spoke hastily, grabbing his ex-wife's wrist to keep her attention focused on him, all the while not losing sight of the monster. "We came because we wanted, ok? Or better said, because we needed to find the Virtue key. Even if you hadn't called me, we would have come and learned about the murders one way or another."
"But Alex..." Becky sniffled, tears rolling down her eyes.
"Alex is the receiver of the key, she came because she needed to help you!" he replied nervously, seeing the harpy take off to the sky and gaining altitude. "Believe me, Becky. Nothing of this is your fault."
"... I think I deserve it," she spoke as if he hadn't said anything, looking away. "For everything I've done, for all the bad things I did. I used... I used to love you so much, Sam; or at least I thought I did. I fantasized about meeting you, about being able to erase the sorrow that Jessica's death left in your heart, about being happy together. It was okay, since you weren't real. But when I learned that you were more than a character from a book, that you were a living and breathing person... I kept fantasizing even more, and that was still okay because... well, everyone is free to daydream about whatever they want! But going from fantasy to reality, trying to force things on you so they would become what I wanted them to be... that was definitely not okay, Sam."
Sam nodded automatically, accepting her words. He was glad to know that Becky had obviously reflected very hard on her past actions and felt true remorse for them, but it was time to let it go.
"I forgive you, Becky. I already did."
"Oh, Sam. Of course you'd forgive me, you've always been too good," Becky shook her head with a painfully sad smile. "It's me who can't forgive myself."
At her confession, another terrible scream was heard right before the harpy sent a potent gush of wind at them, flying in circles above them. They all tried to flat themselves against the ground in order to avoid being flown around again, Adam instantly restarting the CPR. The murmur of the river seemed to grow louder.
"I can't... oh god, I don't... She's not reacting at all!"
"This is where Walter saved me... I guess it's appropriate that this is where I die," the blonde whispered mournfully before locking eyes with the harpy.
"BECKY, NO!" Sam yelled, furiously moving to kneel in front of her, grabbing her shoulders. "Look at me. Look at me! Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn't make you a bad person, do you understand? You were offered something good without knowing anything else, you were tricked by a demon because that's what they do. But you... you didn't go all the way when you knew the truth, because despite everything you're a good person, Becky! In the end you did the right thing, that's what matters. You have to let go of the past. And Walter, I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted you to suffer forever. Forgive yourself, Becky!"
Sam shook her lightly, trying to regain her attention, but it was useless. Her eyes could only look at the harpy. When another fierce shriek echoed around them, accompanied by the cutting sound of the wind, he knew that the creature was coming at them.
"Becky, the brother who loved you is gone, and he's never coming back." In a desperate last attempt, the hunter hugged her tightly and talked to her ear. "But that other man, Rod, he's still waiting for you. Even right now, he's waiting because he loves you."
The last thing Becky saw, were the harpy's fangs about to devour her.
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After an early rise and breakfast, Eileen bid goodbye to everyone in the bunker and left when the sun was barely beginning to shine over the snow. She particularly made a show of playfully punching Dean until the man cracked a smile, but it hadn't been easy. Just like she had suspected, her fellow hunter had been less than happy with her idea, but it wasn't like he could stop her. She was going to try it out one way or another, so better to cover her up.
Devil's Tower, it was called. That had been the best answer they could drag out after an intensive night of searching the most sacred natural places in the state of Wyoming, where Samuel Colt had lived and created his legendary gun in 1835. A lump of volcanic debris in Crook County that was 70 million years old, standing lonely among the trees in the middle of the wide, open fields. Needless to say, nobody had been too thrilled by the name.
Putting on leather gloves to keep her hands mildly warm on the wheel, Eileen started her duel car's engine and took on the road. Crook County wasn't all that far, relatively speaking, but the weather and snow were going to slower her journey quite a lot. She intended to get in touch again with the Winchesters soon enough, worrywarts as they were. Though, truth be told...
"I don't like it," Dean had scowled, grumbling. "Even if the Colt and the Lance are broken and of no use, they're still top-notch items. By carrying them away with you, you're painting a bullseye on your back, you know that?"
Yes, of course Eileen knew that. So what? This was a nice change of route, a task halfway between research and a hunt, which was exactly what she needed and wanted right now. Not yet ready to fully jump back into the hunting business, but still a little action. It was a very desired break, an adventure.
She just hoped to find a few answers for her friends... if, only if, everything worked out smoothly. And considering their past experiences, the huntress understood very well where Dean's worries came from.
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The next thing she felt, was a tender kiss placed on her forehead.
When Becky finally dared to open her eyes again, she found herself back in her apartment along with her three guests, as if nothing had happened at all. Sam looked around in confusion, slowly releasing her but still grasping firmly one of her shoulders, until he noticed that a distressed Adam was still attempting to revive an unconscious Alex.
"I'm glad to see that you made it, Miss Rosen," an unknown voice spoke softly behind them.
When she turned around in fear, Becky found a very familiar face.
"Doctor Eunice?!" she stuttered, dumbfounded. "What... why are you..."
Sam recognized her too, from the sepia portrait he had seen in her office. A woman with an unremarkable face, dark-honey coloured hair and sympathetic eyes... the white eyes of the harpy, only difference that they didn't seem void of emotion anymore but rather sparkled with an unnatural pearly shine. The beautiful voice of the winged creature was distinctive too, but now it carried a gentle tone instead of a furious one.
"I hoped that you wouldn't end like the others," the psychiatrist sighed, walking towards Alex and kneeling to caringly kiss her forehead too. "But most of the times, I'm left disillusioned."
The girl woke up instantly, Adam helping her turn on her side so she could retch all the water in her lungs. After a couple of minutes her coughing subsided, and the Milligan carefully put her head on his thigh to make her breathing easier.
"What the hell are you even?" Sam grunted at her, his fingers itching to draw out his gun.
"I'm an eumenid," she answered, getting up again and serenely crossing her hands. "The benevolent side of an erinys, the forgiveness and expiation. I prefer a harpy shape when carrying out my duties, opposite to the stereotypical crone depiction of human folklore."
Sam knew who the Erinyes were. They were low-tier goddesses from Greek mythology, personification of revenge and guilt feelings. They chased down and tormented the victims until they could either be purified from their crimes, or punished for them. Specially those related by blood.
"Why are you targeting Becky? She wasn't the one that killed her brother. I know because I was there. Walter Rosen was possessed by the demon Envy, and died when it was exorcised."
"True. Yet the feeling of guilt remained."
"Just for that?!" Sam couldn't help but yell. "For a misplaced sense of guilt, you're murdering your patients based on that?"
"It's not murder. What I bestow upon them is mercy," the eumenid calmly, warmly replied. "I know my patients. For years and years I help them navigate their feelings, teaching them how to deal with their traumas and settle in a more stable life. But sometimes there are cases so deeply rooted in their psyches that cannot be healed. It's a very miserable life, not being able to accept yourself, what you did or didn't... Only in those cases, when I can't do anything else to help them, is when I lay my mercy on them and relieve their sorrow."
It took no more than a second for the hunter to pull out his gun and aim it at the ex-harpy. She didn't even flinch, merely her face changed to a shallow sadness, but surprisingly it was Becky who reacted and stilled his arm.
"No, wait!" she begged him, looking intently at the other woman. "Let her go, Sam. Please."
"What?" the Winchester said incredulously. "Becky, I can't! She's killing people just because they're depressed over whatever issues they have. That's not reason enough. She was going to kill you too!"
"You don't know how it is, Sam, but I do," Becky rebuked with a cold glare. "And I... I know how it was for Gareth Stuart too, because he confessed it to me once. We weren't even that close, but he told me..." she wavered for a second, biting her lower lip. "He told me that nine years ago, he became a widower at only 24. Not even a year later, a new family moved in the house in front of his, a family with a little girl that was very cruelly the spitting image of his deceased wife. And when the new neighbours went to greet him and introduce themselves, Gareth reacted; his body reacted. That was the first and last time he dared to talk to them, but the shame of having reacted like that for a child doppelganger of his wife consumed him alive. He was a pitiful mess of a man, Sam... and he hadn't even done anything bad," Becky finished with a sniffle.
Sam sighed deeply, appalled, his arm falling to the side. Nine years of therapy when there was no fault to blame on was a very long time.
"What about the others?" he asked the therapist.
"Marion Suzan loved her dog more than anything else, he was her only friend. But she also endured a very poor childhood, often going hungry. She couldn't stand to waste food, hence she was very meticulous while cooking. But once, just that one time, Mrs. Suzan let her dog fed on some leftovers. She didn't know that one of the ingredients was toxic to dogs," Eunice revealed mournfully. "The dog died. And she couldn't get over the grief and guilt of having killed not only her pet but also her beloved friend."
Sam closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face, tired. He didn't want to hear anymore.
"Those people couldn't let go of the pain, of the remorse. I gifted them mercy. Fortunately," she smiled beatifically, "Miss Rosen had other people rooting for her. She found the strength to forgive herself for her past mistakes."
"Where's the anunnaki key?" Sam mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.
The eumenid pulled out a thin silver chain from the chest pocket of her suit jacket. On the end of the chain hung a small capsule, similar to those that contained angel's grace, which was in fact very appropriate to the circumstances.
"I saw it latching to Miss Rosen's engagement ring when she attended the last group session, before I went on vacation," the therapist explained, uncorking the capsule and allowing the light inside to flow freely towards Alex. "I worried about her safety, thus I cleansed it off her. I don't think I'll see you again in my practice, right? My sincerest congratulations on you overcome, Miss Rosen."
Before anyone could move a muscle, there was a whistling breeze in the living room and the eumenid was already gone. Alex coughed a little more when her skin absorbed the energy of the Virtue key, tiny prickles behind her eyes making her see all black for a moment.
"Shit, are you ok?" Sam hurried to her, assessing her state.
"Yes, I'm pretty fine. But I'm still soaked and sort of freezing?"
"That's easy to solve, baby girl," Becky cooed her amiably, patting her head. "I owe you a big one, Alex. Let me take care of you for the time being, alright? Sam, go to the bathroom and start the tub. I'll take out some more blankets from the closet to wrap her in."
The hunter obeyed and both adults left for a couple of minutes. Adam felt shy all of a sudden, having a pretty girl's head on his lap.
"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," he joked timidly, delicately caressing her hair. "This isn't how I imagined our first kiss to be."
"Me neither," Alex smiled weakly. "I'll let you know that I'm a classy lady. I expected you to ask me out on a date first."
"I... I will," Adam swallowed, the lightest blush adorning his cheeks. "When we get back to the bunker, I promise you that I will."
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Upon Becky's insistence, they stayed the weekend in her apartment to rest and recover. The blonde woman ditched the long itchy turtleneck to the dark depths of her wardrobe (likely never to see the light of day again) when she noticed that the strangling marks on her flesh had disappeared, as well as Alex's. Sam was relieved to see that little by little she was regaining the peppy personality that was characteristic of her.
Arriving Monday, it was time to return to the bunker.
"You gonna be ok?" the Winchester asked her before turning on Castiel's car.
"Yes, I will, because this time is real," Becky smiled lightly but confidently, touching the ring that was once again on her finger. "My feelings for you used to be so overwhelming, Sam, that I convinced myself it had to be love. When I was finally able to see them for what they actually were, an unhealthy obsession, it... it hurt so much. And when I met Rod, it was terrifying. I was so afraid of being wrong again," she confessed, inhaling deeply to ground herself. "But I'm not scared anymore."
"He looked like a good man," Sam supported her.
"He is. We're going to marry!" she chuckled endearingly. "We'll have a couple of kids, a sweet cheeky girl and a boy that would get motion sickness just from being in the tub. And we'll probably move to Wisconsin to be closer to his parents, and I'll have to wear a new piece of itchy clothing every Christmas."
"Sounds great," he grinned, checking the road for a second. "Be happy, Becky. You deserve it."
"You too, Sam. Thanks for everything."
She walked back a few steps to be safe, but remained there in the cold morning waving her hand at them until Sam couldn't see her anymore in the rear-view mirror.
For the next day, night and day again, the three people took turns driving Castiel's Lincoln Continental across the almost 2000km that separated capitol Georgia and Lebanon. This allowed Sam to have some time for himself between breaks to figure out a few things that had been pestering him since their encounter with the harpy.
"... and the soulmate you ignored."
It was all about the guilt, really. Sam did understand this. Becky's guilty conscience about her past misdeeds, escalating from the trivial things to the actual important serious ones. And then Alex, being swept in the mess for the same reason and not so much for having been anointed as an anunnaki channel. He knew that the young girl was far from innocent, after years of tricking random people to keep her vampire family fed. It was no wonder how much those memories must haunt Alex every day, if she chose a career where she could heal people instead of hurting them.
But then, in his own case? It was absolutely the opposite. Now he finally saw.
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The bunker had been pretty quiet during their absence, or at least that was what Dean insisted on. Sam felt somehow skeptical about that statement when he saw Claire with a big, nasty-looking bruise on her left cheek that Castiel could definitely have healed if only she let him, but upon hearing the young huntress chatting merrily with Emma about punches and kicks, he decided it was none of his business.
"Before I forget, do us all a favour and take a look at Cas' car heater. I don't know yet how many of my toes have survived the frostbite."
"Ouch, dude. I pity you on that. Do you want me to cook you some hot chicken soup, baby-puh?"
"Jerk!"
"Bitch!"
Nagging aside, the older brother did in fact repair the faulty piece (and the soup was yummy too, by the way).
Once in front of his room, Sam stopped before entering and took a few seconds to prepare himself. As the say went, hope for the best but expect the worst? When he opened the door, Jessica was sitting at the desk, apparently doing some paperwork about who knew what. She immediately raised her head and stood up, surprised to see him.
"Sam, I didn't know you were already back," she muttered, crossing her arms by the elbows. "You never told..."
... me, was the part she left unsaid but clung in the mood.
Sam took notice of her tense demeanour, the fingers clutching her elbows, could almost glimpse the biting-her-tongue inside her mouth. He knew that stance, it was the same one his fiancée fell into whenever she was worried about something and needed a hug. And Sam wanted to hug her, desperately. So he did.
Jessica gasped in shock at the sudden gesture, but didn't hesitate to open her arms and hug him back, practically melting in his embrace.
"Sam, are you okay?" she asked concerned, but when he didn't respond, Jessica did the same thing she always did to distract him from displeasing thoughts: talk. "Eileen left a few days ago to Wyoming, she had an idea about the Colt. And there's something wrong between Dean and Cas, they barely even look at each other anymore but neither want to talk about it. Not to me, in any case. Jesse isn't sleeping well lately..."
"Jess, let's talk," Sam interrupted, releasing her and sitting on the bed with her.
"Alright. What do you want to talk about?"
The hunter looked at her with a serious face, pondering his next words.
"Jess, you know that what you did was wrong. You said it yourself, no need for me to tell you. Yet you did it anyway," Sam sighed dejectedly. "What I want to know is if you felt like you needed to do it, for one reason or another. Which it still will be no excuse, but I... I just want to understand."
At this, she opened wide her eyes, feeling them tear up. Pressing her lips together, she looked away, her silence being answer enough. The Winchester felt a punch on his chest and hid his face in his hands.
"Did I really make you feel so lonely, so neglected, that you believed you had to do something like this by yourself?" he spoke in a self-blaming tone. "We had many conversations about his, we have talked a lot about our future together, but I... I haven't actually done anything to advance in that direction, right?"
"Sam," Jessica closed her eyes for a moment. "I like sharing this part of your life with you; truly, I do. Yes, it's daunting, bone-chilling and heartbreaking sometimes, but also exciting, rewarding, even compelling in a way that I can't fully comprehend. I like knowing that I can be part of something way greater than me, as minimal as my contribution might be. But I don't want our whole life to be about this. I want more, Sam. I deserve more," the tiniest hue of hope filtered through her voice, "and so do you, puppy."
Her soulmate nodded frenetically, swallowing the lump in his throat.
"I know. I know how it is, wanting more. I've wanted more all my life, specially with you," Sam admitted dolefully. "I tried to get out before, but every time I just ended up buried deeper on it. I don't even know if I would be able to anymore, precious. I'll need your help."
"It's not about getting out," Jessica softly corrected him, daringly placing a hand on his cheek to keep his eyes on hers. "It's about... letting it go a little, searching other things to do that don't revolve about hunting. Someone advised me to fight my best for a space of my own if needed, and you can bet I'm going to do so. Maybe you should too, puppy."
Sam put a hand over hers, stroking it with love.
"I'll join the online lawyer courses coming September. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up with it, but... I'm gonna try. For you. For us." He stared at her adoringly. "I missed you, precious."
"I missed you too," Jessica whispered, joining their foreheads. "Now kiss me senseless, you dumb mutt."
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