Chapter 4

Seriously, in the TV episode when Brendan reached into his pocket and pulled something out of his pocket when he was at making a drink for Ste in his flat, I thought he was going to do this. Shows how much I knew about his character…Of course, we understand him much better now, those of us who followed Hollyoaks and know he could never do such a thing…Don't worry, you'll get what I'm talking about later in the chapter.

While they were there, the older man tutored the younger on which horses were good bets and their credentials along with their jockeys. He tried to persuade Ste to have a little flutter but he wouldn't.

'I have a tight budget, you know with 2 kids. Can't risk that kind of money.'

'Is that your way of asking me for a payrise?' Brendan joked but he was impressed despite himself.

'No, it's not that.' Ste, bless him was already getting red and flustered. 'I appreciate you for paying me to just do this with you. And the drinks…'

'I know. Only pulling your leg. But don't you just sometimes…I don't know, want to live a little?' Brendan let his hand brush as if accidentally against his leg.

Ste didn't notice or if he did, he didn't react.
I'll get you away from that silly wee girl, his boss thought to himself smugly. And when he leaned in to put a 'paternal' arm around the boy, Ste let him. Even unconsciously leaned into his touch!

It was true that the Irishman had been buying them drinks all night, reassuring Ste that he wouldn't be docking his wages to pay for them. It was all to thank him for helping him out of a tight spot.

And when Brendan's horse won, they both leapt up and screamed. He stuffed a fifty down the other's front pocket as if in celebration.

'You sure?' Ste beamed up at him. 'Fifty? But you…you've been paying for my drinks all night…'

'I'm sure you'll find some way of paying me back.'

Ste frowned. 'I don't want to take it.'

'Suit yourself.' Brendan put it back in his black Italian leather wallet and then into his inside coat pocket carefully.

'You coming back with me after?'

'Why would I do that? Rae'll be waiting up for me…'

Brendan took his arm pointedly to steady him. 'Not sure you're in any state, do you? Come back for a nightcap at mine.'

'But…but…'

'Come on, Steven.'

But when they got to his house, the boy pulled away and looked at him suspiciously. And with a little fear.

'Come in, Steven. I'm not going to hurt you.'

'Promise?'

Brendan nodded. 'I can't apologise more for what I did. I lost control.'

'I live a 10 minute walk away!' He still wasn't convinced. The memory of other man's fists was too fresh.

'Still, Steven…Do you really want to let Rae see you in this state? What if she tells Amy?'

That got him. He always wanted to be seen as a responsible father. It was the one thing he was proud of.

'I suppose I could…But promise you won't try anything on, Brendan!'

He put his hand to his heart. 'Promise.'

'OK.'

Brendan opened his door and led him in. 'Now, Chez and her mate are out so we got the whole place to ourselves. How about a nightcap?'

'Yeah, OK.' But he sounded sleepy. He was so slight compared to Brendan that it didn't surprise him that he was a lightweight. And he doubted he'd eaten dinner.

Brendan went over to the drinks trolley to mix him a whiskey on the rocks. But he stopped and made an excuse that he had to go to the bathroom. But he walked up the stairs as if sleepwalking. While there, he rummaged through the medicine cabinet as if in a trance. Looking for what he needed…

But then he stopped himself in horror and disbelief as he came out of auto-pilot mode. What the hell am I doing? I'm not a rapist!

I hate the idea of sexual assault!

Of that kind of abuse!

I've beaten sex offenders to the very inch of their lives before.

Yet the voices in his head persisted.

Monster, monster.

'No!' He clutched his head in agony to try and make them stop and drew back his fist to smash the glass doors of the bathroom cabinet.

Glass shattered all over the floor as he clutched his bleeding hand to himself and sank to the floor and clutched his head, knees drawn up.

Monster, monster.

'No!' He yelled. 'I'm not!'

Ste woke up with a start from his sozzled semi-doze, immediately alert. 'Brendan?'

He ran up the stairs and the scene of the other man bleeding seemed to sober him up immediately.

'What's happened?'

Brendan wrapped a flannel around his hand. 'Nothing. It was an accident.'

'Doesn't look like one to me. Here, let me have a look.' Ste was miraculously sober again.

'No, it's OK. 'Feeling like an utter fool. This part had not been part of the plan.

'I said 'Give it me'.' He ordered in his strong Manchurian accent in a tone that would take no refusal.

Brendan reluctantly gave him his hand.

'Doesn't look too bad. Need help cleaning up this mess?'

Brendan nodded.

'Let's get a bandage on that first. Got any?'

He told him where the First Aid box was in the cabinet under the sink and winced while Ste cleaned his wound and picked out the shards of glass. Luckily, they were only sticking out of the fleshy part of his palm.

'Oh, don't be such a big baby. There. Done.' Ste efficiently took care of his wound.

'Where did you learn to do that?'

His face darkened a little. 'I had to.' But he wouldn't say anymore and turned away to sweep up the shards with a dustpan and brush.

Interesting, the older man thought to himself. There's something he doesn't want to think about.

Or remember. Maybe I can exploit it sometime…

…

True to his promise, Brendan didn't lay one hand on Ste. But after they had drunk the Irish coffee he'd prepared for them, to his pleased surprise, the youth smuggled up to him on the sofa.

'Don't get me wrong, I love me kids. But all I seem to do is go to work (he looked up at him apologetically) no offence, come home, cook their teas, wipe up their sick, change nappies and…'

'Steven, I don't want to talk about his. It's your night off, can't you just relax for one minute?'

'Sorry.' He took another big gulp of his drink.

'We had a good time tonight, didn't we? Now, the important thing is to know when you've been beaten and stop there.'

'But you won 5 grand.' Ste was sounding sleepy.

'Yes, I did. But I didn't want to risk anymore. Maybe you can try and put some money down next time.'

'Yeah, maybe…'But he didn't sound very convinced.

'Rae…' His head was nodding as he murmured her name into the Irishman's chest.

Brendan was laughing inside as he put both arms around him after he took his still half-full glass and laid it on the coffee-table.

Ste sighed.

'Go to sleep.' Brendan murmured into his ear, thinking this was even better than getting what he wanted.

When it was about 4 in the morning and the women still hadn't come home, Brendan slipped out of his arms.

He didn't want Ste to wake up with them like that and be embarrassed.

But then the young man looked up at him, eye-lids fluttering. Brendan told himself that Ste must still be drunk as he drew him into him with his limpid, blue eyes with an expression that could not be misunderstood.

The older man couldn't resist his pull as their lips grew ever nearer. Slowly, Brendan placed a hand around the back of his neck.

Ste's blue orbs flashed as if he'd received some kind of permission and he reached up just as tentatively but kissed his mouth passionately. He giggled when the sofa overturned and both of them crashed to the floor, limbs entwined.

Brendan drew back in shock, quickly disengaging himself and wiping away at his mouth furiously. 'Did you just kiss me?'

'I thought you wanted me to…It's not like we haven't…'

'You don't know what I want. Now, get out!' He yelled.

'OK, OK, going.' Ste gave him a scared little look as he rapidly gathered his things and ran out of the door.

He kept on running until he turned a corner. Feeling stupid, he took time to compose himself before he got home.

He needed to clean himself up and take an Alkaseltzer for his throbbing head. Amy was bringing the kids round later.

He didn't even want to think about work. He hoped that the offer of a night off and still being paid still stood and was relieved that at least he wouldn't have to face his boss until tomorrow night.

…

The next night.

'Look, I'm sorry if I did something wrong the other night.'

'Don't want to hear it, Steven. All I want from you is for you to do your job.'

'But…'

'No 'Buts', boy. I said 'Forget it'. He turned away from him dismissively and headed back into his office, his sanctuary.

Flushing red, Ste asked: 'Are you still paying me for going to the races with you?'

'Steven, Steven.' Brendan turned round. 'I'm a man of my word. You'll get everything I promised you, OK? I know you got kids to feed and there's no need to worry. Now, go and be a good lad and get that booze delivery from around the back.'

The boy sighed in relief. Yet Brendan's behaviour was very weird throughout the night. He'd lean into him very close in the storeroom when it wasn't necessary, making Ste think he wanted a repeat performance there from the other day. He'd move closer slowly towards him as if he was going to touch him and at the very last – minute, pull back like Ste was the devil. Once when he was whispering something to him, he let his mouth practically touch his ear. His boss would also take hold of his arm for slightly too long when explaining instructions.

Everything Brendan did was done discreetly, after all, he didn't want all his clientele to know he batted for the other team. Noah and Amy had been sworn to secrecy, although if he was honest with himself, Ste didn't fully trust his gossip queen friend to keep his mouth shut.

But he'd been hurting and Noah had been there for him when he needed someone so what was he supposed to do?