If I didn't love you Chapter 4
Sarah watched Chuck as he finally settled. Maybe it was due to the events of being shot or the amount of alcohol he had or that he was finally free to live in the now. Though she knew him from what she told herself. She didn't feel what she should be feeling, though her words verified that she was deeply in love with this man. She saw the potential in him and lying on his naked chest was a start. She reflected on the last few months and the 'little' things that now she wondered if he was slipping. He started to bring her coffee and he was like a little boy giving his school teacher flowers. It was cute, then that stopped and then he had Williams bring them coffee. He held back with training especially when it was one in one. She recalled the night that they were finally together in their room and she was getting ready for bed. She saw him standing there with a look as if there was more between them and now she knew that he was staring at his wife and he couldn't say or act on what he was feeling. He had been staring at his wife for three months, faking his feelings, working so hard to lie and force himself not to slip. And what he had to do with Beckman? The rest of the CIA? 'Was Beckman in on it too? Everyone.' Sarah now was putting the pieces together and realized that she had always saw the same people and that they were always in the same area. It was like they too had to put on the performance of a life time and put their lives on hold to help Chuck make this fake world seem real for her.
She slid her hand down carefully over the wound then felt his arm squeeze her. It felt nice, it felt like she had never had someone hold her like that for years. But in reality it was only a few months. Chuck knew and remembered that they made love on the train, that he still felt her touches in his mind but Sarah was robbed of that. She hated her self that she wasn't strong enough to prevent this from happening.
Chuck opened his eyes after he finally was able to sleep. He looked at her as she was snuggled close to him with her hands clasped near her face like she was praying. He missed seeing that. He sat up slowly then looked back making sure he didn't wake her. He brushed her hair back over her ears and leaned down to kiss her but she moved but didn't wake up. He got up and held his side as he went to the bathroom.
Sarah opened her eyes and saw that Chuck was not beside her. She wouldn't mind kissing him again. She rolled into her back and stretched looking at the window seeing a shadow. She got up and grabbed her gun. She saw Chuck coming out. She whispered at him. "Stay in the bathroom Chuck."
Chuck never asked why? Sarah stepped towards the door seeing the shadow come back. It was still early, and the morning sun hadn't moved to that side of the motel yet. She cocked her gun when she heard her name. "Walker, it's Casey."
Sarah pulled back the curtain slowly and saw Casey at the next room. She unlocked the door and Casey quickly slipped inside. "I brought breakfast."
Sarah went to the bathroom and knocked. "Chuck it's okay, it's safe."
He opened the door and saw her. She had the same look on her face after she found him in the bank vault. He wanted to kiss her and she wanted him too. But not now. "Who's at the door?"
"Casey."
Chuck walked out holding his side. Casey noticed. "What happened?"
Chuck walked over to a chair and sat down. "Sarah shot me."
"She shot you?"
"Long story. It's that coffee?"
"Yeah I figured that you might be hungry."
Chuck took the lid off his cup and took a long sip. Sarah grabbed hers and this time there was no sticker on it and it made her laugh. She sat on the bed facing Chuck. Casey grabbed the chair and sat next to Chuck. They sat in silence till Sarah started to talk.
"Quinn came to me a week ago and somehow he used the word Omaha on me to convince me to do his dirty work."
Chuck added. "We think that he used some hypnotic sequence with the flash cards that suppressed her memories by making her think she was losing them. When he took her he used the flash cards got what he wanted then set the whole thing in motion but dumping her and allowing us to find her I'm not sure where it fits."
"What do you remember?" Casey looked at her. Sarah could tell that Chuck wanted answers as much as she wanted to know about every question he had, but that would have to wait. "When I woke up in the hospital the only person I recognized was you Casey, thinking that it was 2007. Then when you, Chuck, walked in and I saw that you were so happy to see me I wondered why? Now I know." Chuck diverted his eyes.
"Did Quinn see you in LA?"
"No, Casey, he came to me like I said a week ago. He said that he wanted to give me a few months to get back on my feet. He told me that I hit my head and spent a week in hospital. Was it a week?"
Chuck looked at her. "It was a week or so then we came here."
Sarah looked at Chuck. "When did you decide on this plan to keep everything from me?"
"Walker, that can wait, for now we need to know what you want to do next."
"Why me?"
"He took your memories and I know you have seen the disc."
"Sorry I thought that you and Chuck were not on the up and up."
"All Quinn's lies. He'd say anything to make you believe him. Because as far as your concerned we are strangers to you."
Sarah looked at them both. "Not any more."
Chuck smiled at her. She reached out her hand and when he grabbed it, it felt right.
Casey got up. "You two stay here and I will come back in the morning."
"Has Quinn been in contact with you?" Sarah got up and grabbed her phone. She looked up. "Nothing." She walked to the door with Casey. Casey took her phone and broken it half and took out the SIM card. "He might know where you are."
Casey headed to his car and took out a bag and gave her two burner phones. "We will use these for now."
"All Quinn knows is that you did what you were supposed to do. He thinks Chucks dead."
Sarah watched as he unloaded his back seat. "But if he comes looking for a body?" "That's when we will need to move. Do you want Beckman to know?"
Sarah looked back at the door. "Maybe that will be best. She could look into Quinn and find out where he came from."
Casey looked at Sarah. "You shot him? I know you had a good reason to."
"I did. He was watching from afar. I saw him looking down at me baiting me. When he left me he said the word Omaha but this time I wore contacts to deflect the elements of the cards."
"So he still thinks your under his spell."
"Probably."
"Ok we will use that and we need to get a hold of those cards. I'm thinking Chuck has thought of that as well."
"He probably has." They both smiled. Casey closed the back door giving Sarah a bag. "It's good to have you…." Then he stopped. "Me too Casey."
"I tossed an extra hoodie inside for Chuck. Not sure what else is in there but I have an idea."
Sarah lowered her eyes. "It must be tough to know that you had a life in LA and not remember it."
"It is, I'm sorry again that I stole the disc."
"No, problem. I was going to give it to you eventually. I was tired of looking at Chuck walk into his condo with the look that I had seen many times before. I thought that maybe the disc would jumpstart his plan."
"He came up with it?"
"Yeah but you need to talk to him. I'll be back tomorrow unless things change." "Thanks Casey."
Casey smiled. "That's what a family does."
Casey got into his car and took off. Sarah took one last look around then headed inside. She walked in and saw that he had fallen asleep. She finished her coffee and a nap wasn't a bad idea.
She instinctively crawled in beside him and as she hoped he wrapped his arm around her. She dozed off and this time her dreams were not so scary. Sarah woke up again and looked over at Chuck sitting up across from the bed with his stained hoodie covering his shoulders. Eating the bag of cheese puffs that Sarah got and had just started to open one of the chocolate bars, when he saw her. He slid the second one to the end of the table. Sarah got up. "I better check your wound."
Chuck took the hoodie off as Sarah leaned in and crouched down beside him. She tossed his hoodie aside and touched him making him shuddered slightly. "Cold hands."
"Sorry."
She continued and torn open the bandage and grabbed some antiseptic and cleaned the area. It was still quite red and inflamed but she saw no infection. "Your better at this than I was." Chuck chuckled. She looked up as she placed a new bandage on his wound. "Better at this?"
"Yeah I had to remove a bullet from Casey's leg once. I'm no doctor but I was able to successfully operate and you wouldn't know by seeing him walk now."
"Did the Intersect assist you?"
He looked at her. Her words weren't skeptical but genuinely interested. "Yeah."
She smoothed out the tape but paused laying her hand flat on his stomach. Chuck let her be. She stood up and slipped into the chair beside Chuck. He passed her a beer. She felt it. "It's cold?"
"I know but before you freak out."
"You went outside! Do you know how dangerous it is out there?"
Chuck laughed.
Sarah looked at him. "What's so funny?"
"It's just that I have heard those words from you so many times."
"I said that."
"Yeah. When I chose not to listen. Another one was stay in the car Chuck."
Sarah looked at him. "Really."
"As many times as I flashed."
"I'm sorry that I don't remember. And what you went through. I know that your my husband and I believe what I heard myself say."
"But you don't feel it." Chuck looked at her.
Sarah continued. "There's obviously something between us. I felt it the first day I met you. I felt comfortable with you and I rarely feel that towards people I work with."
Chuck didn't want to bring up Bryce as that ship sailed long time ago. Now he was having a conversation with his wife. They went for a second beer. Chuck covered up with his hoodie that Sarah had taken. Sarah got up and grabbed her bag. She pulled out a clean hoodie. "Here put this one on. It's not covered in blood."
She walked over and held it as Chuck slowly slid his arm inside. She sat down. As he zipped it up. He said thanks.
"Your mission bag."
"Yeah."
Chuck smiled. "I bet I know what's inside."
"You probably do but I might surprise you."
"Okay Ms. Walker care to bet."
"Ok."
"If I know what's in your bag I will tell you something about us."
"That's not a win for you."
"It is." Chuck put his fingers to his head like a mind reader. Sarah placed the bag on her lap.
Chuck looked at her, still with his fingers pointed to his head. "Variety of knives."
Sarah pulled out her case of knives. "Wire cutters, passports, lock pick set, change of clothes. White tank top, jeans, elastics for your hair, cash, a rope." Chuck continue to list things off as she brought them out. Chuck looked at her and knew that she wouldn't have a picture of them but the memory was nice to re-live.
"Okay so I guess I won, so what do you want to know?
"Chuck tell us our story. I heard my side of it through my words but I want to hear what you have to say."
"I might lie."
"I don't think you can lie."
"I did for 3 months."
"Fair enough. But how could you do what you did for all these months? You didn't have to."
"I wasn't ready to say goodbye to you and if by chance the part of you that I know was still in there and I believe that it is, I was willing to wait."
Sarah loved hearing what he had said to her but when he started telling her their story, it all changed. Chuck looked at her. "It all started with a guy who worked at the Buy More and then one day an old college friend of his sent him an email that was filled with secrets then the next day his life really changed when he met a spy named Sarah Walker and he fell in love I…."
Sarah laughed and cried then fist pumped Chuck's shoulder. When Chuck was done Sarah got up. Chuck struggled getting up but eventually walked over to her. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Sarah turned around. "Don't be, that's our story."
"Well it's not a hallmark. More like Fast and Furious meets fried Green Tomatoes maybe?"
Sarah grabbed his face and kissed him. Chuck moved closer to her as she broke their kiss. She looked at him. "No bombs this time."
Chuck smiled then grabbed her face in his hands. He leaned in and as their lips touched. A frantic knock could be faintly heard over their moment. Sarah covered her hand over his then grabbed her gun. She peaked through the curtains and saw that it was Casey again. She opened the door, Casey rushed in. "We got to get you guys out of here."
"Why?" Sarah looking at Chuck and what had just happened.
"I was driving back to DC and drove past Briggs' garage and saw men in suits, possibly Quinn's. So I headed back here."
Sarah grabbed her bag. She looked at Chuck and she saw his look and she remembered it well. Casey helped get Chuck inside his car as they drove off heading north west. They drove past Brigg's garage and saw the suburban still parked near the road. Sarah helped Chuck sit up as she stared out the back window. Chuck held his side and Sarah noticed that one of her stitches had come loose. Casey looked in the mirror then glanced quickly behind the seat. "His stitch opened up."
"Do you need me to pull over?" No I can fix it, keep driving. Chuck I need you to lay down on my lap. Chuck didn't look too good. He started to sweat as he put his head down on her lap. Sarah unzipped his hoodie then carefully ripped off the bandage. She took her kit out and grabbed all the butterfly strips she could find and placed them on the wound then she placed a new bandage over them. She sat up looking down at him as she caressed his face. With the other she reached for his hand.
Casey pulled into Chuck's driveway and helped Chuck into his condo.
"You two stay here I'll head back to DCC."
Sarah looked at him. "Where?"
"Castle."
Sarah nodded. Chuck started heading upstairs. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go and try and have a shower. Unless you need to watch me?" Sarah watched him from the landing as he headed upstairs.
She walked around his place dragging her hand across his things and wondered if they were from LA. Though their wasn't much the few meagre seemed to me a lot to him maybe her. She scrounged through his kitchen cupboards and found some coffee grounds but found no coffee maker except a coffee press. She put the kettle on and went upstairs to check in on Chuck. She reached the top of the stairs as he was coming out. "I'm okay?"
"You feel better."
"Yeah."
"I'll be right out."
He looked at her. "Do you think I can?" As she pointed to the bathroom.
"I will leave you something to wear in the spare room and you can toss your stuff in the laundry."
"I have water boiling for coffee."
"Okay."
Sarah watched him head to his room as she slipped into the bathroom. She undressed and piled her clothes on the toilet seat and turned the water on. It didn't take long for the water to cascade down her skin. She grabbed his shampoo and squeezed a dollop onto her hand. As she applied it to her hair she lathered and ran her hands through her hair. The more she continued to lathered, she stopped as she remembered rushing into a shower with Chuck frantically taking his pants off. She ran cold water which he didn't like but settled for much warmer water. Sarah snapped out of her thought as soap got in her eyes. She finished showering and started to dry herself off rubbing her legs. She started to look for a razor and found one of his. She shaved her legs grabbing some lotion he had and lotion her legs. She looked around and wondered if this was like their bathroom. Did they have all these things in LA? She found a clean towel and opened the door hoping that he was standing there. She slipped into the spare room and found a pair of pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt which said Buy More. She slipped them on and returned to the bathroom grabbing a brush and started brushing her hair. Chuck came in. He looked at her. Seeing her in his clothes. "Thanks for the clothes."
"You feel better."
"I do."
He came closer and pulled her into a hug. "What's this for?"
"I just thought that we needed one."
Sarah fell into his arms and subtly wiped a tear that rolled down her cheek. They stood in the bathroom together embracing each other like they had done a million times before. But this time this would be a new memory for her. She knew that Chuck was making new memories with her.
Sarah grabbed her clothes and followed Chuck down the hall and tossed them into the washing machine as Chuck tossed his in as well. They sat drinking coffee as Sarah was getting use to him staring. She wondered if that feeling that she had would ever go away. Chuck laid down on the couch as Sarah sat next to him. She dialled Casey. "Any news?"
"It looks like they didn't get any further than the gas station."
"So should I call him?"
"No let him call you, but be alert. If he's looking for a body, he's not going to give up till he knows for sure there is one."
"Ok."
"How's Chuck?"
Sarah looked over to the couch. "He's sleeping."
"Good and you?"
"I'm fine." But she knew from experience that men like Quinn couldn't be trusted even if they did see her shoot someone.
Chuck woke up and saw Sarah coming down the stairs. He saw that she wasn't wearing his clothes anymore. And she had that look, the same look she had when she left to go work with Volkoff. Chuck tried to get up. Sarah rushed over and placed her hands on his chest. He laid back. She kept them their as if she needed to feel him. "I got to go."
"Why?"
"He called."
"I'll call Casey."
"I already did."
"I need to go with you."
"Chuck your in no condition to go anywhere. And it's just a meet."
"You hope! What if he wants proof?"
"I have proof." Sarah leaned back and showed him her tank top. "I guess we should have sprayed my shirt."
Chuck looked at her then reached for her shirt as Sarah grabbed his hand.
"I need to do this."
"You said that once before."
"And I guess I was right, I came back didn't I."
She leaned in and kissed him. Not because she remembered a few things but that she felt something for him and who wouldn't want to kiss Chuck Bartowski. The kiss was soft and passionate. She leaned back replacing her hands on his chest.
"I'll be back, I promise."
She got up as Chuck tried to look at her. He heard the door close.
Warehouse
Sarah slipped an ear bud into her ear. "Walker." Casey called.
"Yeah we're good. Any sign."
"Not yet. I'm going to move to another spot closer to the gate."
"I'm glad that I'm not fighting you this time." Sarah replied.
"You remembered?"
"Bits and pieces. Chuck told me our story and what Volkoff made me do. I'm glad that your here to watch my back."
"You know Chuck would be here if he could."
"I know but maybe shooting him was a blessing, so Quinn wouldn't be able to it himself."
"Heads up."
Sarah made sure she had a gun and that she put in her contacts just in case Quinn had other plans. Quinn got out and adjusted his over coat covering his three piece suit.
"Agent Walker, thanks for meeting me."
"Had nothing else to do."
"Congrats on your task. I see from your shirt that his blood didn't come out."
"No but what can you do, you can't leave a body out in the open."
He walked around pacing back and forth in front of her. Casey watched from his spot. He heard Quinn say Omaha and this time Sarah froze slightly. He called into her ear. "Fight it Walker. You just got Chuck back. Fight."
Quinn slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a deck of cards. "Ok Ms. Walker." She looked at him. "These cards are my future and they were what I used on you. I won't tell you my secrets but I will use them again if I have to. If you decide not to cooperate."
"I have."
"Yes you have. But we need to move on and if your not on board things can happen." He walked up to her. "Now that Mr. Bartowski is out of the picture I need you to access Beckman's copy of the Omaha file specifically Sandwall."
Casey wondered why would he want Sandwall? Casey spoke into Sarah's ear. "Sandwall was the case you and Bryce were supposed to be working on five years ago." Casey continued to speak into Sarah's ear as she listened. "Bryce sent the Intersect to Chuck to prevent Fulcrum from taking it and creating their own army of Intersects. Chuck's dad created it and maybe Quinn knows that. He did say that he was robbed."
Sarah looked at Quinn. "Anything else?"
Quinn looked at her. "I mean is there something else? A firewall?, Codes?"
"Always thinking like an Agent. Not that I know of. I can't get past Beckman's entourage but you can. You retrieve that file and I will meet you at 11."
Sarah looked at her watch. 'That gives me three hours to get to warn Beckman then get to her office and grab the file.' Sarah said to herself.
Quinn walked away and drove off.
Casey was on the phone with Beckman as he came down to meet Sarah. He put her on speaker. "That's right General. He wants the Sandwall file."
"Why?"
"There must be something in there he wants."
Beckman continued. "And he thinks I have it."
"I guess he does." Casey answered.
"But there's no paper copy, that we got, there never was. It was put the Intersect directly, I assume by Chuck's dad."
"But the maps and schematics?"
"Casey, I can check but other than what Chuck has it was Perseus who had all of Orion's file." Casey looked at Sarah. "And all those files were given to Ellie."
Sarah spoke. "Then, we call her and she can fax them over."
"By 11?" Casey responded.